


Older

by chasingpegasus



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Daddy Issues, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Sexual Roleplay, Trust Issues, and there's humour, but the fic is actually sweet I think, it's a positive story, these tags look depressing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-01-30 05:30:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 175,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21422959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingpegasus/pseuds/chasingpegasus
Summary: What's it like to be in love with the most hated/ridiculed man in the F1 paddock? They say you must have daddy issues for being attracted to a man two times your age. The truth is, your father is an abusive alcoholic who destroyed your childhood and made you distrust all men. The 50-year-old Ferrari team principal unexpectedly wins your heart, but does he deserve your trust?
Relationships: Mattia Binotto/reader
Comments: 178
Kudos: 163





	1. Daddy issues

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to dedicate this fic to FASTDAYDREAMS, because she was the first person to contact me when I posted the first chapter of Bigger than us and she encouraged me to keep writing.
> 
> I hope more people will enjoy this story, despite the negative press that Mattia is currently having. You are all welcome to become a Binoholic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short story of how you met Charles and Mattia. And how you suddenly can't stop thinking about one of them.

When your friend, Jess, won these two tickets for an event in Maranello, it felt ironic. She wasn’t even interested in Formula 1, despite your multiple attempts to get her hooked on your passion. Her only discovery was that Charles is cute and she focused all her attention on him.

Over the last month, she managed to find a lot of information on the young Ferrari driver. Now, suddenly she’s knowledgeable enough to criticize the team. She always knows when Ferrari are fucking Charles over.

You still enjoy her ramblings, because it’s better than nothing. Besides, she offered you the second ticket to the event. And even though her attention is fixed on Charles, you cannot wait to visit the Ferrari holy grounds.

When you finally end up in Maranello, Jess leaves you alone. She’s not interested in sightseeing or soaking up the atmosphere. She only wants to get a selfie with Charles.

Jess is a beautiful girl. Well, not exactly a girl anymore, because you’re both 25. You are friends since childhood and you share a lot of memories, but the older you get, the more different you become.

This year feels like a breakthrough. You start noticing changes in your ways of thinking. Instead of acceptance, you seek peace and quiet. You learned to understand your quirks and you’re no longer worried about being “different”. Everyone has their own story, their own needs, their own dreams… The fact that you and Jess are different, doesn’t mean that one of you is worse than the other. Or not normal.

You wish Jess would understand that too, but according to her, you have daddy issues. Maybe there’s something to it, because you’ve never been interested in guys your age, and as you’re getting older, the men capable of catching your attention are ageing as well. Most of them are already married.

It doesn’t even matter, because it’s been years since the last real-life guy managed to impress you.

Jess is trying to cure you. She has many male friends that she’s sending your way. But they are… too young. They are too shifty. They have no charisma, no wisdom, no experience…

Daddy issues. If that’s supposed to be an insult, then fine. You don’t care.

Jess wants a boy like Charles. Even though he’s younger than her. You know how skilful she is at picking up boys, but you’re still impressed when you see her flirting with the young driver after the event.

A couple weeks later, they start dating.

She likes being the dominating force in the relationship. She likes being in control. The boy is completely wrapped up in her. And a new world opens before you, because Jess wants to be close to Charles, but she doesn’t like travelling alone.

She also likes throwing parties in his flat in Monaco. That’s a short story of how you met Charles and a few other drivers. At some point, you become the “responsible adult”. You’re not always the oldest person, but usually the most sensible one. They start calling you Auntie. You’re that person who’s always sober and makes sure nobody gets hurt. You’re that person who reminds everyone to go home when it’s getting very late and you always have painkillers and tissues in your bag.

But one day, you are invited to a slightly different party. It’s been thrown in Jock Clear’s garden; he’s one of Charles’ engineers. It’s a barbecue party. At first you feel unsure if you should go; you’re going to be the third wheel to Jess and Charles again. You hope Charles’ press officer, or his trainer will be there, and you won’t feel awkward without a date.

Turns out, there’s a lot of young people. Charles invited some friends. Or cousins? Jock’s children? Anyway, there’s a lot of “youths” ready to party.

On the other side of the garden you see… the “middle-aged” crowd. There’s Sebastian, Jock, other engineers, Sebastian’s trainer Antti.

In the middle, there’s a large grill and… Mattia Binotto as the grill master.

Left alone and a bit ignored. You’re surprised to see him in that role, shouldn’t he be a guest as well?

He looks around, holding a plate full of sausages. He could probably use some help, but nobody’s paying attention to him. Are his children here too? Or his wife? Would they leave him alone like that?

You hesitate. Jess and the rest of the “youths” burst out laughing. Someone’s telling dirty jokes.

Meanwhile Mattia is adding more sausages to an overfilled plate…

“Do you need any help, sir?” You address him in Italian since you know he’ll be more comfortable with that. And you can use the formal third person, because that’s how you’d usually address someone older, especially if you don’t know them.

He turns abruptly, the plate sways in his hand.

You stabilize it from the other side. “Careful…”

“Oh, thank you. Could you put it somewhere else and find me another plate before the rest burns to a crisp?”

His hands are huge. And now that you’re standing so close, you can see how tall he is. And even though you’re taller than the average woman, he makes you feel small. And you like the feeling.

You take the full plate and you go to put it on a table nearby. You find more plates there, so you take an empty one and return to Mattia. He looks at you. Nobody introduced you to each other so far, because you’re only Charles’ girlfriend’s friend. But you hope Mattia recognizes your face from the paddock… Or maybe he doesn’t, maybe you’re not that memorable.

“You’re Jess’ friend, right? I don’t remember you name…”

You tell him.

He wipes his hands over the apron. “Still a bit greasy…”

“It's fine.”

“Call me Mattia.” He says gently shaking your hand.

Goodbye, formal third person, appropriate for addressing a person who’s 25 years older than you!

You stay to help him with the grill. He knows what he’s doing. He knows how to invite the guests to eat. He knows how to offer them the best cuts. He knows how to use your help. You seem to understand each other without words, probably because you’re completely focused on him and his slightest movement. Ready and eager to take his orders. And every “thank you” he sends your way, makes you so proud and giddy as if his words were a petting hand and you were a puppy.

“Found yourself an uncle, Auntie?” Jess stops by to help herself to the vegan burgers.

You glower at her. Mattia is busy, so you make sure she gets what she wants, and you escort her away from the grill.

“Slow down with the drinking, okay?”

“Yeah, I know… I need something to eat. Hey! Good luck with the boss man, maybe you’ll finally get some action!”

“I’m not interested in married men.”

“No, honey, he got divorced last year.”

“I can see his wedding ring even from here, Jess.”

“But Charles said… maybe he doesn’t want women hitting on him? Or maybe he still loves his wife… Or maybe both…”

“Go back to Charles. I’m busy.”

“You like big guys, I know. Should I stay at Charles’ place for the night?”

“That’s enough.”

Charles shows up to help her carry the food. At least she’s out of your hair. You can go back and think about what she said.

Mattia divorced since last year? How? Why?

Maybe Jess made it up to play a joke on you? Besides, what are you supposed to do with that information? He’s Mattia Binotto, Ferrari’s team principal, and you… you could be his daughter. Although… his actual daughter is much younger than you. Eh, that’s beside the point. You just like helping him with preparing and serving food. You’re the Auntie after all. And thanks to Mattia you have a task to do and you feel useful. Appreciated.

Turns out that in the meantime Jock joined him. Sebastian’s close too.

Mattia spots you when you’re circling the grill area like a hungry wolf.

“Time for the cooks to eat now too. What would you like?”

_Anything you can give me._

Geez, where are these thoughts coming from? You start having weird, unexpected feelings, but you’re too rattled to face up to them.

You two take seats near the grill, together with other guests. Mattia introduces you to other people as if you’ve come here with him, and not with Jess and Charles. Everyone seems to be over thirty (some way over thirty), but you fit right in.

Sebastian and his trainer have many funny stories to share. But all you can hear is Mattia’s laughter. Ha-ha, ha-ha, the pitch of his voice slightly higher than when he speaks. You feel like you had too many beers. Even though you’re not drinking alcohol, as usual. You must make sure Jess gets home safely.

Mattia doesn’t seem to be drinking either. Your company is more moderate and chilled in their party mode compared to the “youths”.

You notice Mattia turn his head to check on them from time to time. Especially when they get very loud.

“Too much alcohol,” you say quietly so that only he can hear you.

“I better go over there and talk to their senses.”

You want to go with him, but you decide to stay. Jess and Charles would only make fun of you.

As Mattia is leaving, you follow him with your gaze until he disappears in the darkness.

You try to join the conversation, but your thoughts are still with him. The other side of the garden gets silent.

Mattia comes back and puts a hand on your shoulder. You almost bend under his touch…

“It’s time to take your friend home. Charles said you share a flat.”

“Yes… Let me call a taxi first.”

“No need. I’ll drive you home. You will need help.”

Such an embarrassment… but on the other hand… Mattia will drive you…

You say goodbye to everyone at the table, thanking for a nice evening. They thank you for helping with the food.

“I’ll be back,” Mattia says. “Try not to eat everything.”

When you get up, his hand shifts to your elbow as if he wanted to help you across the dark part of the garden. After some observation, you know his standard behaviours. He tends to touch people, but he always does it in a natural, relaxed way. You wonder if he’d still be doing that if he knew what’s going through your head…

And what exactly is going through your head? Huh?

Nothing. You just can’t stop thinking about him and you don’t want to leave… The thought of getting back home and having to part ways with him… and maybe not having another interaction ever again, is scaring the shit of you.

You need to take care of Jess now. She’s so drunk, she can barely walk. Charles doesn’t look better. He’s just trying to hide it, but once he gets up and takes a few steps, it’s out in the open.

“Let’s go, Jess.”

“Yes, Auntie…” Jess chuckles. “Oh, uncle Mat is back!”

Mattia helps you walk your friend out of the garden. “My car is over there.”

It’s a Ferrari, of course.

You want to sit next to Jess, but there’s a suitcase on the back seat.

“Put her seat belt on,” Mattia says. “I’ll drive slowly.”

You need to stretch and bend a little because Jess doesn’t want to cooperate. But a comfortable seat calms her down.

You take the seat next to Mattia. In his Ferrari. You look over your shoulder, pretending as if you were focused on Jess. Which isn’t true.

Mattia asks for your address. You give it to him. It’s a small flat, all you can afford. He doesn’t know the neighbourhood, but you say that it’s not far. There’s no traffic. You’ll tell him where to go.

“All right.” He pulls away.

It’s quiet and calm. Just perfect. But not for long…

“Uncle Mat… Why are you still wearing the ring? My friend wants to know. She has daddy issues, you know…”

Your face turns red, thank God it’s dark… “Be quiet, Jess.”

Mattia is politely ignoring the conversation.

“Turn left here.”

Jess starts chuckling.

“Left again.”

The ring on Mattia's finger keeps drawing your attention. Will he ever take it off?

You reach your destination. The neighbourhood is peaceful, your small flat is on the second floor. A small bedroom with two beds and a slightly bigger living room.

You like the thought of Mattia knowing where you live even though you can’t imagine why it would matter to him.

Jess is sleepy. You extract her from the car and lead to the staircase.

Mattia sighs. “I’ll carry her, it’ll be faster.”

Lucky Jess!

She’s way smaller than you, but she’s not a child. Mattia is carrying her carefully and you’re waiting to see if he’ll get out of breath. When you’re unlocking the door, his breathing is only slightly faster than usual.

With a bit of anxiety, you try to remember what state your apartment was in, when you were leaving. The bed was not made… Is there underwear lying on the floor? Probably not. You’re not a messy person, but on the other hand you weren’t expecting any guests.

You open the door and enter first, heading straight for the bedroom. Okay, all looks clear.

“Leave her over here…” You point at Jess’ bed.

Mattia puts Jess gently on the bed. Your friend is sleeping like an angel.

You leave the bedroom, he follows, fixing his sweater vest.

“She likes partying, but she never gets that drunk,” you say.

“Charles will hear a word or two from me when I see him tomorrow.”

“Jess is the older one. She should’ve known better.”

“I’d take you back with me, but it’s better to keep an eye on her.”

“Of course, I had no plans to go back.”

“If you need anything, just call.”

You smile, feeling a blush spreading on your cheeks. “I don’t have your number.”

“Right…” Mattia pulls a phone out of his pocket.

You exchange numbers. Nice story. You have a personal phone number of a Ferrari team principal. If you need anything… Ha-ha, he really has no clue on what’s going on in your head.

“Thank you for your help at the grill,” Mattia puts the phone back into the pocket and bends down toward you.

You feel his lips lightly brush against your cheek. Barely though.

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

Now you’re drunk.

When you close the door, you touch your cheek. The memory of this kiss will dissipate soon and you won’t be able to remember the sensation… It’s already almost gone… Just like him, probably getting into his car right now. He’s going back to the party to spend a nice evening with responsible adults… In a place where you’d love to be, just to talk about boring stuff like gardening and house renovations…

What the hell is happening!? Thinking about him becomes an addiction. If you turn your brain off, you feel like on cloud nine. But when the voice of reason comes back, you know that there’s almost no chance of someone like him getting interested in someone like you.

The blissful sense of distraction will soon become a torture. You'll keep admiring him from afar, hating yourself for being attracted to the unreachable.

He only gave you his number in case something bad happened to Jess. And the kiss… that’s what he does. You’ve seen him kiss other women on the cheek during the party and it didn’t seem meaningful… It still made you jealous, but you’re sure he wasn’t expressing any feelings.

You’re out of your depth. But it’ll pass. When the flame grows colder and you finally give up and you understand that this treasure is not mean for you.


	2. 22 seconds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're trying to be helpful. And Jess turns out to be a good friend.

One must be able to adjust. You’re still going to travel with Jess to the races, you know that Mattia will be there, and since now you know each other, you will be able to walk up to him and have a chat.

That’s the only purpose of your life right now. Beside waiting for a message from him or a phone call that’ll never going to happen.

You have luck. Charles likes to be close to Jess and one time he gets you and Jess a room in the same hotel. And it turns out Mattia’s staying on the same floor.

Charles and Jess are pretending to hide under the table when they spot him at the breakfast buffet. Which ironically draws his attention.

“Oh, the kids are here,” he says, resting his hands on the back of your chair. “The night was so quiet; I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“We know how to behave, most of the time,” Charles says.

“Auntie is keeping us in check,” Jess adds.

You roll your eyes.

Mattia pats your shoulder. “You’re an amazing aunt.” And he walks away.

Your face is getting red, you can feel it.

Charles and Jess seem amused by your state.

“You really have a crush on him!” Charles says.

“Be quiet…” you scold him.

Looks like Mattia already had breakfast because he’s leaving. That’s a useful information, since Jess and Charles won’t be able to get here too early tomorrow. Charles usually goes for a jog in the morning.

The entire Friday you wander up and down the paddock, but Mattia’s too busy to just stroll around. When he’s having a lunch in the motorhome, he’s not alone. You have no intention to bother him when he’s working. That wouldn’t be appropriate.

The next morning you come for breakfast very early. And you notice him straight away. He looks up as if he’d felt your gaze.

“Good morning. The kids are still in bed?” he asks with a friendly smile.

“Only Jess. Charles should be jogging.”

You approach his table, noticing a bunch of documents. Damn it, he started working early.

“Did you sleep well?” he asks.

“Yes. You?”

“I slept like a log.”

“I see you’re busy…”

He glances at the papers. “I was supposed to read these yesterday, but I was dead tired. I should be leaving in a half an hour, and I still haven’t ironed my shirt…”

“I can iron it for you!” Chill with the eagerness, girl.

“I don’t want to bother you. The girls at the hospitality centre can take care of that.”

“While you will be sitting without a shirt and waiting?”

“Well… they usually have spare clothes…”

“Just let me do it.”

“You must like ironing a lot.”

_No, I like you a lot._ “I’m just bored. Let me do something useful.”

“Okay, eat something first.”

* * *

Can there be something more perfect than the silence of a hotel room, an iron and Mattia’s shirts?

Mattia’s making phone calls, sitting behind his laptop.

He said: „a shirt”, but you’re ironing a second one.

“Don’t worry about the sleeves, I’m going to roll them up anyway.”

“I know.”

“I guess everyone’s noticed…”

_I don’t think so, Mattia, but fine. Stay oblivious._

You’re grateful that he mentioned the sleeves, because ironing them is a pain in the ass.

“Thank you, dear,” he says when you’re done.

You feel awkward, because it sounds like something he would say to his daughter. Which shouldn’t surprise you at all. That would be the most natural way to treat you and you can't hold it against him.

“I hope I won’t get too used to you helping me all the time, because… that would be… problematic.”

“Not for me.”

“Well… that’s good to know. Thank you.”

“Have a nice day and good luck during the quali”.

“Thank you. Take care.” And he adds your name to it. No Auntie, no dear, just your name. It sounds more intimate than it should.

As you’re walking back to your room, you stumble across Jess.

“Did you just leave Mattia’s room? Damn, you’re making progress!”

“I was just ironing his shirts.”

“Is that how he calls it?”

You just shake your head.

Back in your room, Jess and you prepare to leave for the paddock.

“By the way, I wanted to apologize for me and Charles. We’re a bit childish sometimes,” Jess says. “I can see you have a serious crush on Mattia, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Just FYI.”

You study her. “You’re not kidding.”

“No. I’m serious. I can see how tense you are, and how you’re pining for him… He’s, well, way too old for me, but you and me, we’re two different people. Everyone has their own needs. Some people like to lead, other prefer to follow. One person looks for spontaneity and fun. Other person wants a quiet life and a sense of security. Maybe you really have daddy issues, but… it’s not your fault. Same as it’s not my fault that I need a boyfriend who’s totally in my control because my parents were control freaks and that’s all I know.”

“It doesn’t matter, Jess. You can try to explain why we are who we are, but it doesn’t mean that we will ever be able to change it.”

“Who says we have to change? Look. We can’t control who we are attracted to. So… don’t feel bad, Auntie. I’ve talked about this with Charles. We won’t make fun of you anymore. Let’s hope Mattia will… appreciate your feelings.”

“I wish…”

“In a sense, you’re similar. But you’re still a lot younger, and I think… he would feel young by your side.”

Her words are giving you so much pleasure, but at the same time, you want her to stop. You’re afraid to dream. You’re scared to imagine things that will never come true. You don’t want to keep pining for Mattia forever, but what if you will never get over him?

What’s better? An empty heart or a heart with a hole in it? A desert or a wound? Pain or numbness?

“I just want him to be happy, that’s all,” you say. “You probably don’t remember, but after you asked him about his ring, he seemed so… sad. I think he still loves his wife.”

“His ex-wife. They really are divorced, my friend. Charles asked around.”

“Yeah, but the ring… It’s a red light.”

Jess nods. “It is.”

* * *

The race ends badly. Charles has a high-speed crash. He needs to stay at the hospital for an observation. Jess is with him, you are waiting in the corridor, trying to figure out how to convince her to go back to the hotel and get some sleep.

When you spot Mattia at the end of the corridor, you sit up, your tiredness gone in an instant.

“Is that the room?”

He came to visit Charles.

“Yes. Jess doesn’t want to leave. He should be resting.”

“I’ll talk to her.”

Mattia enters the room. You stay where you are, the room is too small for four people.

Jess shows up five minutes later. “I’ll take the passenger seat, you go to the back,” she whispers.

You look at her, confused. Soon you find out that Mattia is going back to the hotel as well and there’s a taxi waiting for you three outside.

Sitting next to him in a taxi is nice… Seeing how little leg room he has…

Smiling back at him. Even after such an awful day at work, he keeps smiling.

You return to your floor.

When you pause at the door, Jess turns to Mattia. “Could you come to our room for a sec?”

What is she up to?

Mattia walks straight into her trap.

“I didn’t want to ask on the corridor, but I could use a hug.”

“Oh, ha-ha, okay.” He’s so cute sometimes!

Out of the corner of your eye you watch your friend disappear in Mattia’s arms.

“Thank you. Now give one to Auntie too,” Jess says, scurries away and locks herself in the bathroom.

“You want a hug too?” Mattia clearly wants to make sure nobody is forcing anyone to do anything.

“Yes.” He wouldn’t ask if he knew how you feel. But… he obviously can’t read your mind, probably for the better.

And now you know that the tip of your head is on the same level as his chin. You wrap your arms around his waist, pressing a cheek to his chest. Yes, just like that… You want to get lost in his arms and forget about everything.

He’s holding you for a while… a longer while… A few seconds ago, he exceeded a standard hugging time.

What does it mean? Is it because you’re not moving? Is it because you’re tightening the grip around his waist? Is he waiting for you to decide when to let go?

You’re slowly inhaling the air through your nose. Here’s a tired man after a long day of work. A man who had no time to shower; he doesn’t smell like roses, and yet… there’s nothing unpleasant in his scent… just the opposite.

Your heart is beating fast. Can he feel it? Is he feeling any different than when he was hugging Jess? Well, he wasn’t holding her for such a long time.

You hear his deep sigh. “Looks like I needed a hug too,” he confesses, relaxing his arms.

_Ah, time to let go._ “Thank you. That was nice,” you admit, averting your eyes. He shouldn’t see your pupils right now, or maybe… he should.

You look up, straight into his eyes. It’s a statement. A confession. A signal.

“Good night.”

“Good night.” He sounds a bit hoarse.

You’re trying to catch his gaze, but he’s turning away.

After he gets out of the room, Jess leaves the bathroom.

“Dude, he was hugging you for twenty-two seconds.”

_Yes, the best twenty-two seconds of your life._

“He knows you’re into him.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, he’s… different around you.”

His scent lingers on your clothes, but it’s not going to last long.


	3. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia turns fifty. Good opportunity to send him some birthday wishes. After that, he has a favour to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback, guys. Keep it coming, please. I want to know what you think.

What a nightmare! Your only chance for interaction with Mattia is now your phone, but you can’t get over your insecurities. You don’t want to take a wrong step. What if he’ll think that having feelings for a 25-years-older guy is not appropriate or even bad? What if he starts avoiding you?

Your life goes from one race weekend to the other. But as the American/Asian part of the season begins, you and Jess stay home.

You’re saving as much money as you can to go to at least one more race this season. You don’t want to depend on Charles to cover your travelling. You and Jess have your own money. She’s an elementary school teacher, while you work as a sworn translator. You’re specialized in Italian and English, but you also know a bit of German, and Jess can help you with French.

During the grand prix weekend in the United States, Mattia turns fifty. It’s a great opportunity to send him some birthday wishes. Maybe he needs a reminder that he has your phone number.

You’ve been thinking about it for some time now, trying to figure out what to write to him.

"Happy birthday", for starters. That’s easy.

"Hugs and kisses." That’s good too.

Can you dare to add something less common?

"Hugs and kisses. I wish we could exchange them now, but I’ll wait until you come back to Italy. Have a great weekend."

You’re hesitating, your finger hovering over the send button. He’ll be getting messages from many people today. Maybe he won’t find yours too clingy?

For fuck’s sake, you’ve suffered enough. You haven’t had any contact with him for weeks. Maybe you’ll go to Abu Dhabi, and maybe you won’t… If not, you’ll probably miss him to death!

After you double check the time in the United States, to make sure it’s not too early, you press send. Now it’s time to freak out until he writes back something generic like “thank you”.

You keep staring at your phone.

In the meantime, Jess comes home from work. “I have good news.”

“We’re going to Abu Dhabi?”

“I don’t know that yet, but I managed to get us a private tour inside the Gestione Sportiva at Maranello. Charles will be our guide when they return to Italy. And by “they” I mean all of them, including Mattia.”

“You’re the best friend ever,” you say walking up to give her a hug.

Your phone beeps, you dart toward it, nearly knocking out Jess’ teeth with your elbow.

“What’s with you?”

“I think it’s from Mattia. I just sent him birthday wishes.”

“What’s his reply?”

“50 at last, time to get old,” you read.

Jess smirks. “He wants you to tell him that he’s not old.”

You bite your lip. “I guess… but how should I reply?”

“Let’s meet and we’ll see how old you really are!”

You shake your head. “I’ll be more subtle.”

“You’re both wasting time, you know? Just tell him how you feel about him and stop tiptoeing around.”

“How I feel? I can’t even figure it out myself. How am I supposed to write it in a short message?”

“Every auntie needs an uncle,” Jess chuckles. “You better answer him soon or he’ll chew off his fingernails.”

“He doesn’t bite his fingernails.”

“He will if you don’t hurry up.”

Jess is right. You need to come up with something.

"Not for a long time, sir." No! Not sir. Pal? Dude? Honey? Love? Oh, you wish you could use that last one…

“Not for a long time, Mattia.” You press send.

He replies with a smiley face. “That’s it,” you say to Jess. “He clearly doesn’t want to continue this conversation.”

“He just doesn’t know what to say. You’re both great at flirting…”

“How am I supposed to know if he’s flirting?”

“That’s exactly what he’s asking himself right now. Tell him about the Maranello tour. He’ll have something to look forward to.”

“Okay…” You grab your phone again and write: “Charles will be giving me and Jess a tour in Maranello after you come back. I hope you’ll be there to claim the birthday hugs and kisses.”

Jess gives you a nod of approval. “Great job.”

It takes a while before you receive a reply. “Looking forward to it.”

Jess opens her arms. “Told you. I’m a pro. How do you think an old lady like me managed to seduce Charles Leclerc?”

“Maybe he still needs a mommy.”

Jess gives you a nudge to the ribs. “Shut up!”

* * *

You must remember that it’s not a date and you will probably spend a lot of time walking. You need comfortable shoes, a simple dress, simple jewellery. The time Jess spends doing her make-up, you use to tame your hair.

Turns out Charles invited his older cousin, who’s in Maranello for the first time. You and Jess have already seen all the spots available for tourists. Jess is happy to be able to hold Charles’ hand; she’d probably prefer to take him somewhere more private. But Charles has simulator work to do, so he disappears for a few hours. You stroll around. Jess talks with the cousin in French, you keep looking left and right, keeping your eyes open, turning around. Well, who knows? Maybe Mattia will accidentally walk by?

Charles comes back and takes you to the building, escorting you through the security gate into a realm that’s not available without a special invitation.

“Ready to see the boss?” he asks turning to you.

“Sure,” you shrug your shoulders, pretending to be cool, but your heart rate is accelerating.

Jess smirks, she’s reading you like a book.

You go up the stairs. The management and chief offices have glass walls, your appearance will not go unnoticed.

You don’t know where exactly Mattia’s office is, but something tells you that he already spotted you.

Does he remember about the hugs and kisses? He’s at work and his subordinates will see what’s going on in his office.

You look down the corridor and suddenly, you notice him. He’s standing up from a chair behind a huge desk. He’s smiling, seems a bit tense.

“Welcome to my office.” He’s laughing in his usual style. Ha-ha, ha-ha.

You hold back, waiting for Jess to greet him with a traditional kiss on the cheek. Charles and the cousin want you to go through the door first, so you enter.

“Hi.”

“Hi, I remember about my birthday gift, but please don’t make me blush… everyone can see me right now.” His ears are already red.

You approach him. “I’m sorry that you had such a bad day at your birthday.” That day Seb had a suspension failure and Charles was way out of pace.

“It’s okay.”

You shift to the tips of your toes, he bends down. You close your eyes, pressing your lips to his cheek. Carefully, minding the glasses. His cologne is too intense. You feel a light touch of his fingers on your waist. And a delicate brush of his lips on your cheek. It’s more palpable than ever.

You promised him kisses, so… time for the other cheek?

“And now the hug,” he says, his arms pulling you closer.

What would you give to be alone with him right now! He wouldn’t lean away so quickly. You didn’t even have the chance to soak up his warmth.

You need more. All what’s left is to look into his hazel eyes. Warm, and sweet like melted chocolate.

“Thank you,” he says, taking a step back and nearly tripping over a chair.

Charles and Jess barely hold back laughter.

“I know you’re busy, boss. We won’t bother you any longer,” Charles says.

“I don’t mind being bothered like this,” Mattia says to him, but it seems obvious that he’s talking about you.

* * *

After getting back to your flat, you take a hot shower. It’s doesn’t make you feel any better. Jess and Charles decided to spend some time together before he’ll have to leave. You can imagine what they’re doing.

Well, everyone deserves a bit of pleasure… Everyone. You too. And Mattia.

What now? You don’t feel like doing anything, you just want to lie down and daydream about him. And things that make him blush… What else is there to give him apart from tenderness? How else would you ever be able to impress him? You’re trying to imagine your conversations… Maybe he doesn’t need talking. He probably could do without it at first, but later… What if he’d get bored?

Your phone rings. Probably Jess wanting to let you know that she won’t be back home tonight.

To your surprise, for the first time ever since you saved his number, Mattia B. flickers on your screen.

You pick up immediately. “Yes?” You sink into the armchair, pulling your knees to your chest, glad nobody can see you.

Although… who’s going to help you if you pass out?

“Hi, it’s Mattia. Sorry for calling so late.”

“No problem. I’m not sleeping yet.” Great observation.

“I thought about asking you face to face, but I figured, if I tell you over the phone, it’ll be easier for you to decline.”

Your heart is beating so fast, it almost hurts. “Okay, I’m listening.”

“Ehm…” You can imagine the face he’s making now, probably pursing his lips. “There will be a charity ball in Milan in December and I’ve been notified that I’ll be receiving an award.”

Oooh, that sounds promising.

“And there’s this woman, Angelica, she’s a Ferrari board member. Even when I was still married, she was making advances to me.”

_I guess she had eyes!_

“Since my wife… my ex-wife got married again last weekend, I can’t keep pretending that I’m still married to her. And I worry that Angelica won’t give me a moment of peace. I… just want to have a nice evening, without her following my every move. So, I figured, maybe if I show up with someone else…”

Ah, now you understand.

“Yes!” you nearly shout, your imagination running wild.

Mattia lets out a small laugh, you can hear the relief in his voice. “You mean yes, you’ll come with me?”

“Yes, I will.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

He’s glad! You’re so ecstatic you don’t even know how to speak anymore.

“I will cover all your expenses. Let me message you my private email address, and… just send me the receipts.”

“Okay.”

“Great. Do you have any questions?”

You do. Like a million, but you’re too shy to ask.

“I… need a moment to think.”

“Now I wish I asked you in person so I could see your face. I hope the idea is not making you uncomfortable.”

“It’s a bit overwhelming, but in a good way.”

“I want Angelica to think that we’re a couple. But I’ll understand if that’s too much… since I’m, eh… an old guy.”

“I can do it.”

“All right then. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call. I’m often busy, but I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“All right then. Good night.”

“Good night… and thank you for the invitation.”

“Thank you for accepting it.”

Who’s going to hang up first?

“Good night,” you add again.

“Good night.”

Okay, that’s enough.

You click on the red phone icon and sink back into the armchair.

_Jess… Jesus Christ… Jess! Help!_

* * *

“This is huge!” Jess came back home before midnight. You’re still not sleeping and she’s fully awake too.

“I think I won’t survive to that ball… I’m a bundle of nerves already!”

“Maybe when you finally sleep with him, you’ll feel better.”

“You’re not helping.”

“We have to find you a nice gown. Hm, I wonder what to do with your hair… By the way, take this opportunity to buy yourself some nice jewellery. And a pair of designer shoes!”

“I don’t want to use him like that…”

“Who’s using who? You’ll be pretending to be a girlfriend of an old guy. You deserve designer shoes for that.”

“He’s not old. And I’m crazy about him anyway. It’s not a fair transaction.”

“Depends on what he wants to do after the ball…”

“Stop with that. He’s not that kind of a guy. He can’t even tell that Angelica to back off. He’s just too nice…”

“I think he’s using the opportunity to spend an evening with you. He probably wouldn’t have found the courage to ask you out without an excuse like that.”

“Maybe… I don’t care. Maybe he really wants to be free from Angelica.”

“Or… he wants to make his ex-wife jealous.”

“He said she married someone else over the weekend.”

“That’s great! They won’t get back together!”

“What if he still loves her…”

“Of course, he still loves her. They probably started dating around the year when we were born. That’s a lot of time spent together. But… do I really have to explain what a divorce means?”

“No… I know what it means.”

“Could you also focus on the fact that out of all his friends and colleagues, he decided to call you and ask you to be his date? You’re not playing a secondary role in this story, my dear.”

* * *

Whatever role you’re playing, he’s at the centre of everything.

Together with Jess you search for the pictures from last year’s event to see what type of gowns you should look for.

“Look at all these old ladies and their wrinkly necks…” Jess shakes her head. “You need to expose yours too. Your smooth, flawless skin will look awesome on the photos. I bet the photographers will follow you around to get some more aesthetically pleasing material.”

“You’re being mean,” you smile, clicking through the designs. The women are wearing long ball gowns, most of them have exposed arms.

“Maybe I should ask Mattia.”

“Don’t do that to him. He won’t know what to tell you. It’s your body, expose it as much as you feel comfortable.”

“I’ll wear high heels,” you decide. “A long gown, but with a high side slit.”

Jess approves with a nod.

“But I don’t want too much cleavage. I think Mattia will prefer a more modest look.”

“In public, sure, but not in private,” Jess chuckles. “Which brings us to the next topic: lingerie!”

“I’m not sending him receipts for my underwear…”

“You’re right, better to keep it a secret until he takes that gown off you. Which brings us to the next topic… The flat is yours for the night after the ball. I’ll sleep at Charles’ place.”

“Don’t make me even think about that.”

“Please… you’re thinking about it all the time!”

* * *

“I tried not to spend too much. I hope I’ll make a good impression on you.”

“You will, I'm sure. I just hope I won’t be too boring.”

_God, I think I love him._


	4. Getting into character

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to leave for the ball. You're freaking out and you're worried that you'll ruin everything, but Mattia soothes your anxiety.

“You look like a princess!”

“I think I’m going to puke…” Your feet are cold while your face is burning. You can’t take a step without tripping.

“Remember not to rub your eyes!”

Jess insisted on doing your makeup and even though it makes you look very hot (and older), you’re not sure if it’s going to stay on your face.

“I think I’m having a heart attack. I’m serious.”

Jess sighs before handing you a glass of water.

You take a small sip. You’re still nauseous.

“Everything will be alright once you see him. I promise.”

You have no idea where Jess’ knowledge comes from. She has more experience, sure, but on the other hand, she’s not as emotional as you. She’s more level-headed, at least when it comes to romance, because in day-to-day life you are the Auntie after all.

“Just tell him that you’re nervous.”

“I’m pretty sure he has eyes.”

“I just hope he won’t be wearing that fucking sweater vest…”

She manages to make you laugh, but only until you’re seized by panic caused by the knocking on the door.

“I’ll let him in,” Jess says.

You’re bolted to the ground anyway. You swallow hard, your anxiety reaching record levels. What if you won’t be able to relax until the night is over?

“Hello, sir! You look great!”

_No, Jess, no… don’t call him sir!_

She’s just trying to lighten the mood. You can hear a note of relief in her voice, because… Mattia is not wearing a sweater vest. He has a navy-blue suit on, a white shirt, a blue tie that compliments the deep brown of his eyes and hair. His shoes are brown too. The usual Harry Potter glasses. And the curls on his head are just… a fluffy perfection.

You look away, feeling his stare. Does he like the high slit in your gown? Or does he find it too revealing? Does he like the colour? What about your exposed shoulders?

“She’s freaking out over here!” Jess is not beating around the bush. “You better calm her down before you leave. I’ll be in the living room.”

_Oh, Jess. The best friend ever!_

Finally, alone. Alone and stunned with each other.

“You look beautiful.”

That’s what they always say in these situations, right?

You want to thank him, but you're lost for words.

“What’s wrong?” Mattia approaches you. "Are you having second thoughts?” He takes your hand, there’s no ring on his finger.

The red light is off.

His fingers are hot. Or maybe yours are just ice cold.

“I feel like you could use a hug, but I don’t want to ruin your…”

“I do, please.”

Jess assured you that your foundation is transfer-resistant and won’t leave a mark on his clothes. Apparently, she’d already tested it on Charles.

Mattia used too much cologne again. But it’ll get less intense with time.

You carefully wrap your arms around his torso. He’s being cautious too. It’s not the hug you need. But Mattia’s closeness is soothing. He’s finally here. The waiting is over.

“Why do flamingos lift up one leg?”

“Why?” you ask, looking up. High up…

“Because if they lift both they would fall.”

“It’s a dad joke.” He manages to make you smile.

“A bad one…” He’s smiling back at you. “I hope I’m not the cause of your nervousness.”

“I feel better already.”

“It’ll take at least two hours to get to Milan, so plenty of time to get used to each other.”

He gently squeezes your hand again and relaxes his fingers, giving you the opportunity to let go, but you’re not going to do that.

“We better get going then. Jess! We’re leaving.” Mattia helps you put a coat on.

“Have fun!” Jess reappears to walk you to the door. “Don’t forget the keys,” she turns to you. “I’ll be at Charles’ place for the night.”

Just in case you check your purse; the keys are there.

“Okay, let’s go.”

You take Mattia by his arm as he helps you down the stairs.

“I don’t know how you can walk on such high heels.”

“You think they’re too high?”

“No!”

“I don’t want to look like a child next to you. Especially if we’re going to dance.”

“You are very tall now, that’s true.”

“Do you like dancing?”

“I do… I mean, it depends on my partner. For example, the thought of dancing with Angelica is not that pleasant.”

“Ah, Angelica. She sounds annoying.”

“Let’s say she’s persistent.”

There’s a limousine waiting for you outside. Mattia helps you get in. Before he joins you inside, you fix your dress, hoping it won’t get wrinkled during the travel.

It’s nice and warm inside. Mattia takes the suit jacket straight away. You follow by taking the coat off and handing it to him so that he can put it in a safe place.

“Are you going to roll up your sleeves?” you ask as a joke, although the mere thought of it makes the air seem thicker.

Mattia lets out a short laugh. “Not yet. They are perfectly ironed, aren't they?”

“You look nice,” you say, gathering enough courage to look him in the eye. “Especially your hair.”

“You like It? I worked hard on it.” He flicks the curl on his forehead.

You’re still tense, but in a good way. Instead of being anxious, you’re starting to feel excited. Especially when he sits back, spreading his legs, his knee rubbing against your dress. You want to rest your head on his shoulder… He is sinking lower in the seat, almost as if he wanted his shoulder to be at the right level.

“I’m sorry for going back to this topic, but… we don’t have to hold hands or anything like that, if you don’t feel comfortable.”

“I think we should. If we want to look convincing.”

He rests his relaxed hand on his thigh, you’re not sure if it’s an invitation, but you're ready to take the risk.

Your fingers are so short… and your hand is so tiny compared to his. Like a child’s hand. Your fingers are still cold, but you’re sure he'll warm them up easily.

“I see the ring is gone,” you say, hearing a change in your voice and wondering, whether he can hear it too.

“It would be stupid if I showed up at the ball with a beautiful, young lady by my side while still wearing a wedding ring from an ex-wife.”

“You can see the tan line.” You timidly brush his skin, your brain barely registering what’s going on. The trembling of your fingers makes you embarrassed.

“I’m not putting it back on, so… it’ll be gone soon.” He closes his hand on your shaking fingers. “Just to give you a heads up, when we’re at the ball, I’d like to call you ‘honey’, if that’s all right.”

You can’t move, you’re overwhelmed with bliss. His hand, his soft voice, his body that shifts closer and closer.

“As you wish…” Your stupid voice is giving away your physical state. “How should I call you?”

“Lucky Luke.”

Okay. You look up. He’s wearing a playful smirk.

“Old but gold,” he continues.

“Stop it!” You push him, jokingly, but he doesn’t budge. You suddenly realize how heavy he must be because of his height.

“Ha-ha, ha-ha…” He looks like he’s having fun teasing you. You’ll pay him back later.

“I’m sure there’s a word you’d like to hear,” you say. “How about ‘hottie’?”

“God, no. Maybe something… simpler.”

“Like?”

He doesn’t want to say it, you need to be the brave one.

“My love?”

He takes a sharp breath in. Suddenly needing air. “That sounds… good.”

Yeah, he loves this one.

“Okay, so that’s settled. And… what’s our story? How did we meet?”

“Nobody will ask, I can assure you.”

“Angelica will be curious.”

“You’re right. The truth is fine. You’re a friend of Charles’ girlfriend. And we met at a barbecue party. I’ll add a joke about sausages when I think of one.”

“I impressed you with my sausage handling.”

“I was the one handling it, you were…” Mattia trails off and shakes his head. “This is not funny. But it made me a little hungry. You want a snack?” He reaches to a shelf on the left side of the limousine and grabs two candy bars. “Oh, you probably don’t want to mess up your… lipstick…”

“It’s just lip gloss. I can re-apply it,” you say. “You already have it on your cheek anyway.”

“What? Where?”

You lean forward and give him a peck on the cheek. “There.”

He seems stunned. What a pleasure to shut him up like that? You snatch the candy bar from his hand. “Thank you. I haven’t eaten anything today.”

Mattia clears his throat. “Why?”

“I was too nervous.”

“But you’re not nervous anymore.”

“No, I’m not.” Jess was right. He’s next to you and everything is fine.

“That’s peachy…” He unwraps the bar. “Am I too old to say peachy?”

You take a bite. “Every time you say 'old', you’re getting penalty points from now on.”

Mattia raises an eyebrow. “Points? How many?”

“Three.”

“What’s the punishment?”

“I don’t know yet. But you won’t be happy about it.”

He chews for a while. “For some reason I really want to find out.”

You sigh. “When you say, ‘too old’, all I can think of is that I’m too young. And I’m not.”

He shakes his head; the smile is gone. “Okay, I won’t joke about it.”

He got you point. “Thank you.”

You finish your snack in silence, feeling strange, but also empowered?

You feel comfortable around him, and that’s a huge step forward, because now you have the confidence to shine by his side.


	5. Action!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally at the ball. Time to show your acting skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sending my love and warm hugs to those of you who have/had an alcoholic parent. Stay strong.

In normal circumstances you would probably be dazzled by the beautifully decorated interiors and the fancy guests. But now you are more fascinated by the way Mattia’s elbow is brushing against your breast.

As soon as you get rid of your coat and enter the ball room, Mattia’s friends and colleagues advance him. He’s introducing you by your name, without specifying who you are to him, but the way he’s looking at you makes it easy to guess. Great acting skills.

The director of the event approaches you, showing you your table and explaining some last-minute changes in the schedule. The ceremony will start with a show, in a half an hour. Mattia’s supposed to accept his reward an hour later.

For now, you have some time to mingle with other guests and have a snack.

“I don’t drink, but if you’d like some wine…” Mattia’s pointing at a waiter with a tray full of glasses.

“No, thank you. I’m already barely maintaining my balance.”

“Lean on me.”

“I’m trying, but you can’t stand still.”

Laughing, he bends down and kisses you on the tip of your head.

Your skin covers in goose bumps. You want to slip into his arms, right here, right now, but you know it would look weird. Dancing could be the only opportunity to get closer without drawing too much attention.

“Will there be a band playing?”

“Yes, they’re over there.”

You’re getting onto the tips of your toes, to see what he’s looking at.

“You want me to lift you up?” he asks, with a smirk.

“You’re the worst.” You put on your best pout.

“Ha-ha… Sorry.” He doesn’t look like he’s sorry. “I’ve spotted someone I would like to say hi to,” he adds. “Would you come with me?”

"Don’t even think of abandoning me.”

“I would never do that.”

* * *

Mattia’s playing with your fingers all the time, while you keep checking your dress every time you feel your nipples getting hard. Thankfully the fabric is stiff enough to hide it.

You just want to dance with him. The rest feels like a chore. Well, maybe not entirely, because you’re glad that Mattia will get an award. You’re going to admire him from afar, savouring the thought of him coming back to you. And once you’ll be sitting at the table, you’re going to let him put a hand on your knee. Even if you’d have to grab it and place it there yourself.

So far pretending to be a couple is going very well. You see people’s gazes following you. You feel proud. No, he’s the proud one, you’re the one bursting with happiness.

“I think it’s time to take our seats,” he says.

You hear a stifled moan that reminds you of something you heard too many times when you were a child. A few steps away the waiter collapses to the ground. Wine-filled glasses fly up in the air.

Mattia lunges forward in a failed attempt to cover you from the red spray. Glass shatters on the floor, but you’re not paying attention to it.

The waiter’s convulsing, his legs jerking.

“He’s having a seizure,” you say, hurriedly kneeling by the man, ignoring the glass and the puddles of liquid. “Help me move him away before he cuts himself.”

Mattia pushes the shaking body away from the shards.

“On his side...” you say. “Roll him onto his side. Don’t hold too tight.”

You hear whispers, sighs and dramatic gasps. Someone’s asking if there’s a doctor in the room. Some other person offers to call an ambulance.

You want to make sure the guy’s head is not hitting the floor, but in the heat of the moment you can’t think of anything soft to use. So, you pull the man’s head onto your lap. Now there’s even more stains on your gown...

Mattia’s shielding you from the gaping onlookers. When the waiter stops shaking, Mattia breathes out slowly, turning his head to you.

“Wait for another one.”

He nods before glancing over his shoulder. “Have you called an ambulance?”

“Yes, it’s on his way.”

Just as you thought, the man starts spasming again.

“Move aside. Please, step aside. I’m a doctor.” A man kneels next to you. “I’ll take it from here.” He seems to be a guest too, and he’s brought a helper who takes Mattia’s spot.

Mattia helps you to your feet. “Are you okay?”

Your dress is stained, same as his trousers and his cuffs.

“Mister Binotto! Mister Binotto, sir, please, this way. Follow me.” The director of the event walks you out of the room.

You feel unsettled with what happened and with the memories it awakened. If not for Mattia, you wouldn’t be able to take a single step.

“Are you all right?” the director asks leading you into an elevator.

“I think so… Honey? Are you hurt?”

“No… it’s just wine.” There’s a tiny cut on your leg, but you don’t want to mention it.

“Please, you'll have more privacy here.” The director leads you into a fancy hotel room. “If you could take your clothes off, my people will give it a try to clean them up. I'd hate you to miss the award ceremony. If, of course, you want to stay.”

Mattia looks at you, his eyes filled with worry.

“Of course, we want to stay,” you say. “Give us five minutes to undress.”

Throwing a glance at the large bed, you head to the bathroom. You need a towel… You find something better, two bathrobes.

You need to take that stained gown off. Mattia can’t miss the award ceremony.

Ha, but obviously, putting this type of a gown on and taking it off requires some assistance.

You’re about to leave the bathroom when you realize that in this exact moment Mattia could be taking his trousers off. Better to stay where you are.

“Mattia? Could you help me with the zipper?”

“Of course.”

Of course!

As he enters, the bathroom shrinks in your eyes.

He still has his trousers on, but he started to unbutton his shirt. You can see a white wife-beater under it.

You turn around so that he can reach the zipper on your back. His fingers never make contact with your body, but you’re in goose bumps anyway.

Mattia pulls the zipper down to your waist. He could pull it further down, but then he’d see your panties and maybe that’s what popped in his head. So, he stopped.

“You need anything else?”

_Don’t even get me started on that…_

“No, thank you. There are some bathrobes next to the door.”

“Yes, I could use one.” He keeps his voice down, giving you warm chills. He takes the bathrobe and leaves, closing the door behind.

You can reach the zipper now and pull it all the way down. There’s a small cut under your knee. Not more than a shaving cut, you just wipe the tiny amount of blood with toilet paper.

After putting the bathrobe on and tying it around your waist, you walk up to the mirror. Your makeup is still looking good; Jess used the best product.

Mattia’s talking to someone, most likely a person who came for your clothes. After picking up the gown, you walk out the bathroom.

“I’ll do what I can, but it will take some time,” the man’s putting Mattia’s suit jacket, shirt and trousers into a large bag.

Mattia's standing next to him. A fluffy bathrobe. Skinny, snow-white legs. Black socks. Just lovely.

You hand the man your gown.

“Are there any news about the waiter?” Mattia asks.

“Yes, he’s been taken to the ER. His life is not in danger, sir.”

“That’s good news. Thank you.”

“If you need anything, call the room service.”

“Thank you. And good luck with the cleaning.”

Mattia closes the door, while you sit down on the edge of the bed.

Once it gets quiet and you can collect your thought, sad memories return. The memories you would prefer not to have.

“That was impressive,” Mattia says. He’s still standing by the door, as if he wasn’t sure if he can come closer.

“What?”

“The way you handled the situation.”

“I wish I didn’t know how to handle it.”

Seeing your miserable state, he walks up without hesitation. “I’m sorry.” He settles next to you, his thigh brushing against yours. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

His body’s pulling you like a magnet. You rest your head on his shoulder. Or rather on his arm, because he’s so tall. He immediately puts an arm around you and presses you gently to his chest, his fingers slowly caressing your arm.

“My dad was a heavy drinker. When we were running out of money and had to sober up to go to work, sometimes he would have these attacks… I was just a kid. I couldn’t even roll him onto his side, but I always made sure there was something soft under his head.”

Mattia heaves a heavy sigh before leaning down to give you a delicate kiss on the temple. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

You don’t want to cry, but the emotions are too strong. The brutal memories and the contrast of Mattia’s composure. His deep calmness soaking up your anxiety like a sponge.

“What can I do to make you feel better?”

“I just need a moment.”

He keeps pressing you gently to his chest. You feel warm and safe.

You’re slowly forgetting about the old scars, about the nightmares of your childhood, about the fear and the cold. Mattia's calmness surrounds you like a warm, soft blanket.

Somewhere below, there’s a ball room and the show seem to be starting, because you hear a distant music.

“Would you dance with me?” you ask.

“Of course.”

You don’t feel like putting your shoes on. You want to be small.

He grasps your hand, but you snatch it free to wrap your arms around his torso.

“Okay…”

Now he knows that you don’t really want to dance. You just want to be held.

Mattia has good sense of rhythm. You don’t have your high heels on so even if you’d step on his foot, he probably wouldn’t care. But despite his feet being so huge, there’s always enough space for yours and you know exactly where to put them. He makes you feel like an excellent dancer.

“Are you feeling better?” he asks, the air from his mouth tickling your forehead.

“Much better.” Mattia’s hand on your back is like a mini heater.

You close your eyes, pressing your cheek to his bathrobe. Smells so nice. You lean away for a moment just to change your position, and you notice black smudges on the fabric.

“Oh crap… my makeup is not waterproof after all.” You look up. “Is my mascara smudged?”

He’s staring at you, his lips parted.

He surely knows what mascara is. Maybe the situation on your face is so bad, that he doesn't know how to comment?

“I should probably wash it off .” You step away, but he’s still holding your hand… almost desperately and for a moment, you’re angry with yourself that you’re worried about such unimportant matters. “I’ll be back in a second,” you add.

Keeping the bathroom door ajar, you approach the mirror. It’s not the mascara, it’s the eyeliner…

You wash the makeup off with a soap, which isn’t an easy task. But once your face is clean (and red) you check your reflection again and you feel satisfied.

Mattia’s suspiciously quiet; you’re wondering what he’s up to. As you leave the bathroom, you spot him sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s cleaning his glasses with a small tissue. Seeing you, he quickly puts them on.

“No, no. Take them off. I want to see how you look without them.”

“I look weird. Even I’m not used to it anymore,” he says, but he takes the glasses off and he looks at you, pressing his lips into a tight line, the way he often does.

“You look good. Can you see without them?”

“From up close, yes.” He goes back to cleaning the glasses.

You sit down next to him, mesmerised by the movements of his long fingers. You clear your throat. “I washed the makeup off,” you say, in case he didn’t notice. “My eyes were burning. I don’t wear makeup very often. Actually, almost never.”

He looks up to study your face.

"Can you see me?"

He smiles, shaking his head. "Stop it." He looks back down. "You always look perfect.”

“Thank you.”

Perfect. That’s a strong word.

“I look like I’m ready to go to bed. I just need to brush my teeth.”

Mattia smiles again. “You can lie down if you want.”

“I think we should use the opportunity and dance a little more. We need to look like we're used to being close, once we’re back downstairs.”

Mattia puts the glasses on and fixes the bathrobe on his pale thighs. “Your wish is my command. But I’d suggest we put our shoes on.”

Good idea. You want to find out how comfortable your high heels are. And, you want to be a bit taller this time.

Annoyingly, the music downstairs slows down.

Mattia is holding your hand, struggling to lead against the tempo. “This is too slow,” he says.

“Let’s go slower then.” You close your eyes. Since you are taller now, you can press your cheek to his collar bone. And even nuzzle his neck…

“You’re a cuddly person, aren’t you?” The slight change in his voice makes your heart pick up the pace.

“Only with…”

Someone knocks on the door. Are the clothes ready?

“Come in,” Mattia says loudly.

You’re glad he’s not moving an inch away. You don’t want to leave the safe cradle of his arms.

“I’m sorry…” A woman is standing at the door, giving you a once-over.

“Hello, Angelica.”

Oh, okay… Time for an Oscar-worthy performance.

“Is that you, Chiara?”

“You know what my daughter looks like, Angelica. And I wouldn’t dance with her in a bathrobe, would I?”

“I was just joking!” The woman’s around his age, but very dedicated to disguise that. She’s tall, she has a nice figure and short blond hair. “I just wanted to check on you. Saw you helping that poor man…” She’s talking to Mattia and completely ignoring your presence.

“I need a sip of water, want me to get you a glass too, my love?” you ask with a tender half-whisper, clinging to Mattia’s side.

“Yes, please," he says.

When you meet his eyes, your mouth gets dry for real.

“I see you’re doing well,” Angelica’s not that great at hiding her feelings.

“I’m peachy,” Mattia says. “We’re just waiting for our clothes. Some dedicated people are trying to clean them up.”

“That’s good to hear. Maybe we’ll share a dance or two?”

“I’m afraid I can’t leave my beautiful date. I would hate if she felt lonely even for a second.”

“That’s a shame.”

_Not for me…_

“I’m sure you’ll still have a lot of fun tonight,” Mattia adds with a kind smile.

“If you say so. See you later, then.” The woman finally decides to leave.

Mattia closes the door. “But not as much fun as I’m having right now,” he adds quietly.

“You still want that water?” you ask, approaching him with a glass.

“Yes,” he takes the glass and takes a long sip. “So far, I’m very happy with the way you’re acting. That’s exactly what I hoped you would do.”

_I’m not acting, you silly goose!_

“I’m glad you’re satisfied. I’ll make sure to stay in character.”


	6. The curtain falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ball continues, Mattia receives his award. You're having the best time of your life. But every night must come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've received many encouraging messages (mostly on Tumblr) after the last update, and I just wanted to say thank you once again. I'm happy to know you're invested in this story. I hope you'll enjoy this next chapter.

“Mattia? I need your help with the zipper again.”

He storms into the bathroom, eager to help, a half of the buttons of his shirt not done yet.

You turn around, ready for warm shivers. Even though you’re sure Mattia will only touch the zipper, it’s still a thrill.

“Thank you.” You turn to face him. “Do you need any help?”

Before he has any chance to respond, you reach to his cuff. As you’re buttoning it, Mattia extends his other hand. You take care of the other cuff.

“Thank you.” Mattia does the rest of the buttons on his shirt. “They did a decent job. It’s not perfect, but at least everything’s dry and fresh.”

“They even fixed the tear on my dress.” You lift the fabric to show the sewed-up spot.

“You have a cut under your knee.”

He was supposed to look at your gown, but okay.

“It’s nothing. It doesn’t hurt.”

Mattia tucks the shirt in. “What?” he looks at you, puzzled.

Damn it, you’re staring too much!

“Nothing.”

He turns to the mirror and fixes the curl on his forehead.

HOW CAN YOU NOT STARE?!

“Ready to go back?” he asks, facing you.

_Yes, my king. _You nod.

* * *

Everyone seems to be looking at you when you return to the ball room. You’re holding hands, like a proper couple.

Someone starts clapping as you enter, other people are joining in.

Mattia asks them to stop, but he’s smiling. Some photographers start taking pictures. You try to look relaxed, but your hand is sweating.

“Let’s get back to our table.”

Yeah, but where was that?

Mattia remembers.

Not long after you sit down, he’s called onto the stage.

“I’ll be back soon,” he whispers.

You can’t take your eyes off him as he walks up to the stage. He’s nervous, but you’re sure he’ll be fine once he gets there.

When you hear him laughing, you can’t keep yourself from grinning. He looks magnificent in that navy-blue suit. His hair is perfect from every angle.

And then he returns to you.

“Congratulation, my love,” you say, after he sits down, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek, but he turns his head. And you accidentally meet his lips…

That’s barely a kiss, but you’re stunned anyway.

“_Merci, mon amour._” He looks you in the eye. Checking. Making sure you are okay with what just happened.

People are staring at you. Can they see how dazzled you are? Do they find it strange that you can barely handle your man’s closeness?

“Did I stutter?” he asks. “I was so nervous I can’t remember a single word I said.”

Well, that sucks, because you can’t remember his words either. You were too focused on how tall he was and what his hands were doing with the award statuette.

“You were great.” You take his hand and pull it under the table. This is not for the show. You just want to hold his hand.

“We should probably order something to eat,” he says. “Maybe then people will finally stop staring at you.”

“At me? I think they are staring at us.”

With a little smile, he reaches for the menu.

* * *

Later in the evening, you are joined by some guests, who want to have a word with Mattia. It’s not your favourite part of the ball, but it’s nice. Especially when he's speaking French.

“See how she’s looking at him? You never look at me like that!”

You fight an impulse to turn your head and see who said that.

While Mattia is gesticulating a lot and shaking people’s hands, you miss his fingers, but, unfortunately, you’re not here to have him just to yourself.

The band starts playing a slow song. Mattia turns to you immediately. “We should go,” he says, forgetting about the conversation he was just having with someone else.

You nod, relieved to feel the warmth of his hand again.

There are at least ten couples already dancing, but Mattia is the tallest man and you are the youngest woman, so unfortunately, you are still drawing a lot of attention.

But since you have practiced in the room upstairs, the idea of being observed is no longer stressful.

The only thing you care about is to get closer to him. To feel the heat of his neck on your forehead, his huge hand on your back, shifting from time to time.

His thumb is caressing your fingers. You’re trying to reciprocate, but all you're able to do is to shiver and keep letting out tiny, uncontrollable gasps.

“When will be the right time to get rid of my suit jacket?” he asks. “Because it’s really hot in here.”

_You don’t say…_

“You can take it off right now, if you’d ask me.”

“I am asking you, and that’s not the answer I’d expect from you, Auntie.”

“Don’t call me that. I don’t like it.”

“I can see that,” he chuckles.

What a treat to hear him laughing when he’s holding you in his arms!

“Angelica is staring at us,” he says, the tone of his voice changing. “I almost feel sorry for her.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do!”

“So, I assume, you wouldn’t want her to feel bad if she sees us kissing?” You’re shocked with your own audacity.

He doesn’t respond, which makes you want to hide with shame.

But after a long pause, he says quietly: “Just a little.”

“A little what?”

“A little kiss. A small one. If that’s okay.”

Without another word, you lift your chin.

It’s a small one… But bigger than the accidental kiss at the table. Big enough to experience the softness of each other’s lips and to discover how perfectly they fit together.

“Now I really need to take that jacket off,” he says. His words are followed by a short laughter.

“I don’t want you to go,” you say, clinging to him like a child.

“Okay, I’ll suffer for you.” You feel his hand on the nape of your neck and his lips on your forehead. “I think she’s dead.”

“What?”

“Angelica.”

“Would you stop talking about her?”

“Someone’s jealous… ha-ha!”

“I think you have feelings for her, you just don’t want to admit it.”

“That’s not funny.”

“Do you see me laughing?”

He leans away to look at your face. The light is dimmed, but you can clearly see that you’ve made him uneasy.

“I’m joking,” you say.

You hear that deep sigh of his, that makes you want to shower him with love.

* * *

At some point you need to use the bathroom. It doesn’t take long, but after you return to the ball room, you’re not even surprised to see Angelica talking to Mattia at your table. She’s sitting in your chair. Mattia’s body posture is stiff, he nods, listening to her words, but his eyes are looking out for you.

He gets visibly relaxed at your sight. You’re annoyed that Angelica took your seat, but then an idea pops into your head.

You approach Mattia from behind and put your hands on his shoulders. Since he took the jacket off, you can sense the warmth of his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt.

“I’m glad you’re back; I was getting a bit chilly,” he says, looking over his shoulder.

Ouch… You doubt it was intentional, but it sounded a bit cruel.

“Did you miss me?” you ask, leaning down. His hair smells otherworldly, you can’t move your nose away from it.

“I did.” He puts his hand on yours, but he doesn’t stop you from touching his chest.

You mess up his tie. Just to be able to fix it later.

You’re impressed by his composure, as he goes back to a work-related conversation with Angelica and his voice is almost natural.

You stay there, behind his chair, for a longer while, touching his hair and pretending to be focused on other guests.

“I’m sorry, I just realized that I’m sitting in your chair!” Angelica has had enough. “We’ll talk some other time,” she says to Mattia. “Enjoy the evening.”

“We will,” you reply, just to show her that you’re not going to ignore her the way she’s ignoring you.

Mattia reaches for a glass of soda.

“Do you want to dance again?” you ask, your fingers gently tugging on a curl at the back of his head to examine its bounciness.

“I don’t feel like moving,” he confesses. “I’m quite comfortable at the moment.”

“As you wish.” With the tips of your fingers, you touch the nape of his neck, just under his trimmed hair. His skin must be very sensitive, because even at the lightest touch it can turn red.

When you brush the skin under his ear, he unexpectedly grasps your hand.

“That’s a bit too much.”

Ah, thank you for revealing your soft spot.

“Let’s go dance,” he says, getting up.

He’s a giant again. And you’re about to fix his tie. While you’re doing it, you can feel his intense stare.

“Are you having fun?” he asks.

You look up, your eyes shifting to his lips. The memory of the kiss sends an electric impulse down your spine. “Take a guess.”

“I think you are.”

You just lift your chin, he’s ready to give you what you need.

“Correct,” you whisper before he locks your lips together again.

That’s not a real kiss though. It’s too chaste, too light… He straightens himself up, ending it way too soon.

Leaving his suit jacket on the chair, he takes you by the hand and leads you to the dance floor.

* * *

You wish this night would never end, but it’s not possible.

Most of the guests have left the room a while ago, but it doesn’t change the fact that there’s still a line to the coatroom.

The exit door open and closes, a cold December wind sweeps through. You cross your arms on your chest to preserve some heat.

"Here,” Mattia takes his suit jacket off and puts it on your shoulders.

“What time is it?” you ask, sliding your hands into the sleeves. They are so long that your hands don’t reappear on the ends.

“Ten past one.”

“No wonder I’m sleepy.”

You give Mattia his jacket back and you put your coat on.

The limousine’s waiting outside. You lean hard against Mattia as you’re walking to it.

“Are you okay?”

“My feet are killing me.”

“Too much dancing. We should’ve stayed at the table longer.”

“It only started now… Besides, we’ll be sitting for two hours in the car. I’ll have enough time to rest.”

There’s this thought in your head that makes you nervous. Once you get into that limousine, the show will be over. Your job will be done.

But you have no choice, you must get inside.

The curtain falls.

Once you’re in, you rub your shoulders. “I think I’ll keep the coat on.”

“You’ll feel better in a minute. It’s warm in here.” Mattia’s already out of his jacket, ready to help you with your coat.

He’s right. You’re warming up quickly.

“Come over here, cuddly person.” Look like Mattia doesn’t want the show to end either. He invites you into his arms that are warmer and cosier than any coat.

“Take a nap if you want.” He dims down the light only to turn it off completely.

A nap? While your heart is hammering like crazy? No way!

Mattia takes your hand, his fingers start doing their thing… Slowly, delicately, meticulously. As if he wanted to learn the shape of your phalanges with his touch.

After a while your heart stops racing. Little shivers make you drowsy. The air smells of him. It’s the best night of your life.

Could someone stop the time, please? Or at least slow it down? You don’t want to get home. You don’t want to leave this car…

Unless… it’s just a beginning. Maybe you just need to invite him into your flat?

Your heart jumps at the thought. Great. Now you’re going to worry about it for the rest of the travel.

You let out a deep sigh.

Mattia pulls you closer to his chest. He must be thinking that you're having a bad dream.

Well, he's not far off. It’s nightmare! To have something at arms-length, but… being afraid to reach for it.

Are you brave enough to take this step? What if he says no? What if he says yes?!

Fire consumes your thoughts, but you still can’t decide what to do.

* * *

“Let me walk you to the door. Just to make sure you don’t fall asleep on the stairs.”

You force a smile.

The limousine stays parked by the front door. But it’s not a problem, right? The driver’s probably been in this situation many times. He’ll wait for Mattia for a couple of minutes, and if Mattia doesn't come back, he’ll just drive away.

Everyone in the building is probably asleep. As you walk up the stairs, you’re desperately trying to pluck up courage. If you chicken out now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life!

As you pause by the door to your flat, you start rummaging through your purse. Where’s that fucking key? Finally. Hands, please, don’t shake!

You put the key into the key hole.

“It was a great evening, or a night, even.” Keeping his voice down, Mattia’s proceeding with a standard goodbye procedure. “The best I had in years.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” Your hands clutched on the purse, you turn to face him. You’re so small… and he’s up there… so high up… almost unreachable…

“Thank you for being so lovely and helping me with Angelica.”

“It was my pleasure.”

He smiles. “Good night then. I hope we’ll see each other soon.”

One step closer, a warm hand on your arm, lips pressed to your forehead.

No, not like that…

You grab his arm for support and you lift yourself up. Seeking his lips, but you only find his cheek. The awful thought of him leaving gives you the right push.

“Do you want to come in?”

Mattia leans away and frowns. “It’s late. We’re both tired.”

Shit.

“I need to be at work in…” he checks his watch, “six hours. I probably have like three hours to sleep; I will have to shower and shave…”

“It’s okay, I understand.” You squeeze his hand. “Just don’t be a stranger. You know where I live.”

Mattia swallows hard, holding onto your gaze for a moment. “Good night, sweetheart.” With the most tender gesture, he touches your cheek.

“Good night,” you whisper.

After you enter the flat, you lock the door and lean against it.

What’s better? An empty heart or a heart with a hole? A heart bleeding love.


	7. The dam has broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia misses you as much as you miss him, and he'll find an excuse to pay you a visit. And this time, you won't have to pretend anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So nervous about this one! It took me a while, but I keep changing small things and having new ideas. I hope you will enjoy it. If so, remember to let me know. Even the shortest comments mean the world to me. You can also contact me on tumblr (as many people prefer).

“Would you get out of that bed already?” Jess leans against the bedroom door. “I can see that you’re not sleeping. It’s almost noon.”

You let out a long, resigned sigh. “I think I’m in love.”

Jess shakes her head. “What’s your problem?” she asks, fixing an apron she always puts on when cooking. “He’s not married anymore. He’s clearly into you…”

“I don’t know,” you moan, staring at the ceiling. “I think he’s not comfortable with the idea of being with someone my age. He only touched my face and my hands, and my back when we were dancing. And when we kissed, it was all so subtle. Almost like a kiss between close friends. If you ignore my palpitations…”

“Okay, I’m giving you a week. If a week from now you’ll still be lying in bed alone and sighing, I’ll take the matters into my own hands. And you know that I don’t like beating around the bush.”

You can’t help but smile. “It won’t be necessary. I’ll message him. Or call him even, but later. He said he needs to go to work.”

“On Sunday?”

“He’s a Ferrari team principal. They always work. Or I don’t know. Maybe he thought it was Monday.”

“Will you get up? The pasta’s almost ready.”

You don’t feel like leaving bed, but Jess is right. There’s no point in feeling sorry for yourself. “I’ll be right there.”

* * *

You must catch up with some translation work, but all the afternoon you can’t focus. The memories from the last night keep coming to your head. Mattia’s warm hand, his never-tiring fingers, his sense of rhythm, the manly scent you were breathing in when you were dancing… The softness of his shiny curls… The laughter, and the way he kept glancing into your eyes, to make sure you are comfortable with him and everything he was doing.

Jess is ironing the clothes she wants to wear to work tomorrow. “Charles can’t make up his mind about where to go on vacation. His mom wants to take him to New York, but I don’t know if I’m invited. And I think he’d prefer to go somewhere with me. Maybe we should go skiing. Austria would be nice.”

Your thoughts go along a predictable line. Will Mattia have a break from work too? How long? Where does he want to spend it?

“Are you listening?”

“Ehm… no, I spaced out, sorry.”

“I was just saying that I want to go to Monaco for Christmas. I mean I’d like to, but I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“Don’t worry about me; I have stuff to do.”

“You should visit your family. It’s been a while since you talked to your mom.”

You shake your head. “She has a new family now, I don’t fit in. Besides, my bank account is almost empty. Maybe I should get a side-job…”

Jess sighs, her face full of pity. “You deserve better.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m comfortable…” Your phone starts vibrating on the table, next to your hand. “It’s Mattia.”

“Lord be praised!” Jess chuckles, but she doesn’t leave the room.

Well, it’s just a phone conversation. You can handle it.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Mattia speaking. How are you?”

“I’m good. Catching up with some work.”

“At home?”

“Yes?”

“Can I pay you a visit after seven? The director of the ball sent me a link to the pictures they’ve taken of us yesterday and… he wants us to pick our favourites before they get published.”

“Sure, I’ll be happy to take a look.” The things that are happening in your belly right now are just indescribable…

“That’s great, I’ll bring my laptop. See you after seven then.”

“I’ll be waiting. Bye.”

Jess stares at you, holding the iron in the air. “He’s coming over.”

You nod, an apologetic expression on your face.

Jess puts the iron down. “I’m glad I was too lazy to unpack.”

* * *

“Would you like something to drink?”

“Coffee would be nice.”

Mattia’s taking up all the space in the small corridor. He just took his wind jacket off and you can already smell him in the air. A different cologne, not too intense, with musky accents that enhance his natural scent.

He has a navy-blue cardigan on, a white shirt underneath, a pair of khaki trousers and a pair of grey socks with cars pattern on them. Showing to the world that he’s not all business.

“It’s pretty warm in here, you better take that cardigan off,” you suggest, for his own comfort, of course.

“I was just going to ask your permission,” he says, sending you a cheeky smile.

“Permission granted. Make yourself at home.” You lead him into the living room.

“Thank you.” He puts his laptop on the table in front of the couch.

There’s a small bowl of cookies and candy on the table as well. In case he needs more energy. The coffee should work great too.

You return to the room with two coffee cups, avoiding looking at your guest until you place them on the table. It was a wise decision, because once you look up you see him rolling up his white sleeves.

You gasp a little.

“What?”

“I’ll be right back.” You evacuate to the bathroom. You turn on the cold water to cool your face. You don’t look too bad when you’re aroused. Your eyes are shining, your lips are fuller and their colour is more intense.

After taking three deep breaths in, you return to the room.

“I didn’t want to do it alone. I couldn’t decide. All the photos look very pretty.” Mattia puts the laptop on his lap; since his thighs are so long it’s a spacious shelf.

You sit down next to him. Not too close. He shifts his hips forward as if to lower himself to your level. Looks quite relaxed compared to how you are feeling.

“Is the angle okay?” he asks, turning the laptop to you.

“It was fine. I can see from here.” You are more than happy to cling to his side.

His long fingers on the touchpad mesmerize you.

“Let me have my coffee first.” Mattia leans forward, reaching for the cup. The little cup looks like a child’s toy in his hand. Okay, he has huge hands, you already know that!

You touch the touchpad yourself and move the cursor. “Is that the folder?”

“Yes.”

His hands are steady as he drinks a half of the cup and reaches for a cookie. “You want one?”

“I’m good.”

When he takes a bite of the cookie, a few crumbs land on his shirt. “I’m making a mess.”

Without thinking much, you pick them up and put them into your mouth.

“You sure you don’t want one?” he sounds amused.

“I’m sure.”

You can feel his gaze moving from your hand to your bare knees.

You’re grateful to Jess for forcing you to lose your sweatpants and to put a short skirt on. “Give him easy access,” she joked, making you hyperventilate. Other than that, you’re wearing an oversized t-shirt and simple white socks. The entire outfit looks a bit weird, but you’re a hundred percent sure that Mattia is not judging you right now.

Time to focus on what he came for, right?

“Oh, wow!” The first photograph already takes your breath away. On the photo Mattia’s leading you to the table, you’re holding him by the arm. Despite being a little shy, you both look magnificent. He’s tall and handsome, you’re also tall and beautiful.

“How many can we choose?”

“Let’s look through all of them first. I thought we should start from eliminating the ones we don’t like.”

“Good idea.” That idea doesn’t make any sense, but it’s clear as day that he just wants to buy himself some time.

After you choose the next photography, your wrist accidentally brushes against Mattia’s crotch. It’s because the touchpad is so close to his… God damn it!

As you quickly move your hand away, Mattia pulls the laptop closer to his ribs.

The next photo shows you two sitting by the table and talking to the guests. Mattia is focused on the conversation, while you’re focused on him.

You recall the comment you heard at that moment. “See how she’s looking at him? You never look at me like that!”

You let out an annoyed puff.

“What?”

“I look silly.”

Mattia gets a bit fidgety, the laptop sways on his lap. “Silly is not the word I would use.”

“What word would you use then?” you ask, your voice betrays you as always. He can hear the tension, so you assume he won’t be surprised if you rest your head on his shoulder.

“I don’t know, but… speaking of silly looks, check out Angelica in the background.”

“Where?” You reach to the touchpad to zoom in.

Mattia uses the opportunity to put and arm around you. You shift even closer to him, although there is no room to get closer.

God, his musky scent is messing with your brain. You are almost glad he mentioned Angelica, because you need something random to save you from intoxication.

“Jesus! She looks like she’s ready to kill me.”

Mattia laughs. “It’s funny now, but when I noticed how she kept glowering at you during the ball, I got a bit worried. When you went to the bathroom that one time, she followed you, but I managed to attract her attention.”

“My hero!” Now, that sounded stupid, but you barely care. Your brain short-circuits as Mattia’s hand glides down your shoulder and starts moving slowly back up. How is it possible to get paralyzed by such a simple touch? And yet all you can do is breathe and shudder a little.

“Now that I think about it…” his voice is soft and lower than usual. “You have very strong arms. I think you would’ve handled her just fine, without my help.”

You struggle to swallow. “I do have strong arms, you’re right.”

Since his right hand is currently unavailable, you’re the one who must use the touchpad again to change photos.

“Are there any photos of us dancing?”

“Yes, after the ones from the stage.”

Just as he mentioned, on the next photo you can see Mattia receiving his award.

“You looked amazing in that suit.”

“Thank you. I was nervous. I thought I would be used to public speaking at this point…”

“You never look nervous.”

“I move my hands a lot.”

“Well, sometimes it’s a good thing.” Good lord, is this flirting?!

“Okay, check the next one.” Seems like Mattia doesn’t want to stare at himself, so he grasps your finger and presses it to the touchpad.

When you look at the next photo, you fall speechless. It’s you two dancing and smiling at each other. You’re trying to remember the exact moment when it was taken, but there were so many delightful dances that you shared.

“We look happy,” Mattia says, his voice getting softer. “Like an actual couple. Great acting skills.”

“Yes…” The heat coming off his body is just unbearable, but for some reason your hands are getting cold.

It’s because of that fucking tension. It’s too much. You can’t take it anymore!

“Or no… I wasn’t acting. I was happy for real,” you say, quietly, although you wish you could shout it out and finally tell him how you feel.

“That’s good to hear, because… I have a confession to make.”

You turn your head to look at his face. And you get lost in his hazel eyes…

“I was pretending that I was pretending…" he says. "You know what I mean.”

Fucking enough… You take a deep breath in, grab the laptop and put it on the table.

“Mattia…” You turn back at him.

He seems… terrified! What’s his problem? Why is he like this?

Why? He nervously fixes the fabric on his thigh, involuntarily drawing your attention to the growing “problem” underneath. That’s exactly what you needed to see.

Your eyes move from his crotch to his face. It’s the longest eye contact you’re ever made. The longest you’ve shared with any human being. You have to see clearly… the attraction, the hope, the longing, the hunger in his eyes…

“Can we just stop fighting it?” you almost beg.

Letting out a shaky sigh, he reaches to his face, takes his glasses off and puts them on the table.

* * *

The dam has broken.

Three seconds later you’re in Mattia’s lap, knees pressed to his hips, thighs rubbing against thighs, his lips are parting, inviting you into a deep kiss.

His fingers clench on your waist, pulling you closer.

You’ve never experienced kisses like these before. Wild, greedy kisses…

The dam has broken. You can’t ride this wave; you can only fight your way to the shore. Time after time, tearing your lips apart to resurface from the deep water and to gasp for air. But the current is too strong. You can’t fight it; you can’t slow down.

You’re an avalanche that’s gaining momentum. An avalanche that he’s somehow able to guide. Maybe that’s the reason why you’re not afraid. You’re not worried even though you’re completely out of control.

The fabric of your skirt rolls up as you spread your thighs wider, to press your body to his body right there, to find the right traction for both of you. It’s not ideal, but the intensity of his kisses is doing the job.

Mattia’s arm locks around your waist, his hand clenched on your hip, leading your movements to the rhythm that works for him.

It’s a wild dance. A dance that’s making you pant. The rustling of the fabric tickles your ears. Sweat is breaking on your skin.

Even the lightest brush of Mattia’s tongue against yours, results in a sharp muscle spasm between your legs. It’s so powerful, you can feel the tension inside you grow rapidly.

You tear your lips away to catch a breath. A slight change of position hits the right note. Forgetting about the kisses, you keep flexing your thigh muscles.

As the big wave of pleasure hits you hard, you hold your breath… You don’t want to get back to the surface yet…

You close your eyes and dive deep into the world of primal bliss. It’s a dark, hot, paralyzing place.

Mattia’s breathing becomes erratic.

You force yourself to open your eyes and you meet his gaze immediately.

Guided by his strong hands, you keep working your hips.

_Yes, my king. I’m here to serve you._

He tilts his head back, a grimace on his face… a sharp gasp… then silence… and silence… and still silence, until he lets out the sweetest sigh of relief you’ve ever heard.

Smiling dazedly, you snuggle up to his chest, listening to his fast breathing; waiting for it to get in sync with yours.

The waters slowly calm down. Now you’re just drifting through a peaceful lagoon of delight.

You don’t have to say anything. No explanations necessary. And the best thing is that you can sit up and reach to his lips again. This time in a calmer and more controlled manner. With more tenderness… more finesse…

Mattia breaks off the kiss to look you in the eye. His hand caresses your cheek, before sliding down to your neck. “I only wanted to kiss you and look what you’ve done.” His smile brings you a different kind of pleasure. A pleasure that touches your heart.

“Excuse you...” You clear your throat; the tone of your voice alerts him. “You come to my house, you roll up your sleeves, you take off your glasses and it’s suddenly my fault? How dare you, sir!”

He presses his lips together in a thin line, but it’s clear that he’s holding back laughter.

You only start noticing some details. Like the sweat on his temples and the wet fabric on his crotch.

His face is red, especially his nose and ears… His lips seem a bit swollen, the skin around them is red as well. Your crazy kisses did that to him. You bet they still tingle same as yours.

“You’re a force of nature,” Mattia pulls you closer.

His lips keep surprising you. Every kiss feels like the first one. He’s so good at it, it’s unbelievable. A master kisser. But then, he proves it to you repeatedly.

You adjust to his pace, he’s taking the lead, like when you were dancing. You fight an urge to feel his tongue with your tongue, but no… better not, it would make you fidget again… and you don’t need any more stimulation.

This is good. You want to keep wafting on peaceful waters. You want to recharge.

“I have something else to confess…”

You lean away, happily, eager to see his face. You put your hands on his shoulders and move them toward his neck. “I’m listening.”

Mattia leans comfortably back, resting his relaxed hands on your hips. “That whole charity ball and pretending to be a couple… I wanted to discourage Angelica, that part was true. But for the most part, I just wanted to spend some time with you and I just used the opportunity.”

You shake your head. Finally, he looks fully satisfied. Relaxed. Pleased. “I thought I gave you enough clues.”

“I started to suspect something that night, when I hugged you in your hotel room and you didn’t want to let go for like twenty seconds.”

“You didn’t want to let go, not me. And it was twenty-two seconds.”

Mattia laughs. “You counted?”

“Jess did.”

He flicks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I hope your friend won’t surprise us.”

“No, she knows that you’re here.”

“You made sure we can be alone, didn’t you?”

“I wanted to study these photos from the ball in peace,” you say, remembering how this evening started. “Was that an excuse as well?”

Mattia nods with a cheeky smile.

“How long were you planning to hide your real intentions, huh?”

Mattia sighs, getting more serious. “You told me about your father yesterday and I thought that I should take care of your emotional needs first and then, if you let me, maybe I’ll get lucky.”

Emotional needs…

The memory of the conversation about your past pierces through you like an icicle. But you focus your attention on the man whose body radiates warmth and calmness.

“I feel safe with you,” you whisper. “And comfortable.”

“That’s great, but my legs could use some rest, if you don’t mind. I’m an old man and…”

“Three penalty points! You have six now.” You slide off Mattia’s lap, fixing your skirt.

"That’s bad,” he says.

You’re not sure if he’s referring to the penalty points or the wet stain on his trousers. “Can I use the bathroom?” he asks, reaching for his glasses.

“Sure. It’s next to the main door. If you need anything, let me know.”

After Mattia leaves the room, you quickly take two sips of coffee. What now? Will he think that you’re insatiable if you invite him into your bed?

He turned on the water.

Maybe it’ll be better to let things run their natural course.

You sit back and smile to the wall. Life’s so good… And you’re so lucky. To be able to attract such a great man… You can’t believe you did that.

“I thought you were taking a bath,” you say when he finally leaves the bathroom.

The stain on his trousers looks even worse now. “I tried to fix it and it didn’t work.”

“You can always cover it with your laptop,” you say before flashing a cheeky grin.

“Yes, please. Make fun of me. Laugh at a man who can’t resist your sex-appeal…” He sits down on the couch; you immediately shift closer.

“No need to resist,” you say, your voice sultry. “And you better take these pants off. They'll be dry, once I'm done with you.”

His breathing picks up the pace, but he stays quiet, watching you.

“Can I be honest?” You undo the top button of his shirt.

“You can and you should,” he studies you with such amazement as if you were a rare bird.

“I want more…” you whisper. “More of you…” You kiss him gently, but his response is weak. You look him in the eye. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just… annoyed with myself that I didn’t come prepared.”

You frown.

“I’m talking about condoms.”

You sigh. “And I thought that you were an optimist.”

He presses his lips into a thin line and shrugs his shoulders.

“You know what? Let me check Jess’ cabinet.”

He opens his mouth, but you’re already rushing to the bathroom. You’re on a mission!

Jess is always prepared. Charles doesn’t even need to think about it. There it is, an entire box. Jess won’t mind. She usually has sex at Charles’ place anyway, because you’re always home.

After grabbing the box, you return to the room.

“From Jess’ stash,” you say, putting the box on the table, your face triumphant.

Mattia throws a glance at it, grimacing. “Honey, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, but…”

He manages to make a fleeting eye contact before looking away and only then it hits you.

It’s not his fucking size!

“I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with Charles. I’m just… taller.”

You take a deep breath in and exhale loudly, feeling warmth on your face.

“I’m sorry if I made you uneasy.” Mattia extends his hand. His huge hand. How could you forget! “Come over here.”

“Uneasy is not the right word,” you say, as he puts his arm around you.

He’s studying your face again. You’re getting used to his gaze and you start to like it.

“Let’s leave it for another day," he says. "Because I must go to work in the morning, and I’d hate to leave you alone in bed.” He seals his words with a kiss, before leaning away to look into your eyes again and to hear your response.

“Yes, my king,” you whisper. “But you’re not leaving yet, are you? I still have so many emotional needs…”

"Emotional, right." He narrows his eyes. “Do you need me to take my glasses off?”

Your pupils dilate as if you were a drug addict. “I do.”

* * *

“Could you pinch me?” he asks before you kiss goodbye.

“Where?”

He gazes deep into your eyes. “No, not there!”

You chuckle and pinch him gently on the wrist. “You’re not dreaming. I’m real.”

“Are you sure you’re not just my secret fantasy?”

“I can kick you if you want more proof.”

He laughs, making you laugh as well. “I have to go,” he adds, getting serious.

“I know…” You miss him already as he leans down to a lingering kiss. “Good night, your highness,” you say, looking up into his hazel eyes and making him smile.


	8. Busy man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia had a busy day, but he didn't forget about you.

You send Mattia a message in the morning, but he doesn’t reply for two hours. And once he does, it’s only a smiley face.

You shouldn’t be surprised. In some sense you’re even glad because you don’t want to influence his productivity in a negative way. You wish you could talk to him about it.

You wait until noon to send another message. He doesn’t reply; still too busy.

In the afternoon, Jess comes home from school also known as her work. “And?” She looks at you.

You promised yourself to stay calm and composed. “We clarified some things,” you say, your voice buzzing with joy.

Jess squints. “That’s it? You just talked?”

“No, but I don't want to get into details.”

“Did he sleep here?”

“No.”

Jess drops her bags on the floor. She’s probably not interested that much, same as you aren’t usually interested in her "adventures" with Charles.

“The only thing I want to say is that you were right. The ball was just an excuse to spend time with me.”

Jess sends you a winning smile. “I could see the look on his face. Men can’t hide their feelings. So… what’s next? Will you go on a proper date?”

“I don’t know. He’s still very busy.”

“Did you ask him about his plans for the break?”

“No, not yet.”

“I see you didn’t talk much.” Jess makes a funny face. “Which seems a bit strange, because he strikes me as a person who likes having plans for everything.”

“I’m sure he’ll call me as soon as he can,” you say. You can only hope.

How many hours a day can this man work?

You recall an interview you heard in which he said that the end of the season is the busiest time in Maranello. You start to worry.

The truth is that you knew about it from the start. Mattia is a busy man. You can either accept it or call it quits before you get emotionally attached… Well, then it's already too late. You wouldn’t be able to quit him even if you tried. You need him, you miss him, all your thoughts revolve around him, and your body… your body hungers for him more and more with each passing hour.

You’re ready to pay the price. Every price. Just to be in his arms again.

Looks like you are already paying it. You can’t stop thinking about it. Was his constant work the reason why his marriage failed?

Even if you’re feeling lonely and confused, you know that a single smile will make up for it. A phone conversation would work too. Now that you know each other’s feelings, his voice will probably sound different over the phone. You can’t wait to call him your king again. He’ll make you laugh, for sure.

* * *

“I bumped into Charles’ mom this morning,” Jess says when you're eating a mushroom risotto that you prepared for dinner. “It was a close call. If she’d arrived half an hour earlier, she would’ve walked in on us having a moment in the living room.”

“She has her own keys?”

“Yes.”

You flinch at the thought. “How long does she intend to stay?”

Jess shrugs her shoulders.

“Do you want some more risotto? There’s plenty left.”

“No, I’m full. I’ll do the dishes.”

“No, let me. I owe you.”

“As you wish. I have a million tests to check… my favourite activity.”

You pat her on the back. “Good luck.”

Thinking about Mattia and his busy day, you start cleaning after the dinner.

You’re almost done when you hear the doorbell. You freeze, your hands wet.

Jess appears in the corridor. “I bet it’s your starving puppy,” she whispers. “The giant breed.”

Your heart picks up the pace so rapidly, you get disoriented and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Wipe your hands! No, finish washing the plate. Where’s the towel?

You know it’s him. You just know it.

“Hello, sir. I assume you’re here to see my flatmate, but she’s not home,” Jess is having a laugh at his expense and you’re not sure how to feel about it.

“That’s a shame. I should’ve called.”

His voice! So adorable… and now tinted with regret.

“I’m just messing with you!” Thank God, Jess found some mercy. “Come on in, she’s in the kitchen.”

“Ha-ha, you got me there for a moment.”

You quickly wipe your hands over the apron, you check your clothes… You could use a mirror. What if you have bits of food between your teeth? Should you take the apron off?

No time, Mattia’s already in the kitchen door.

“Hi, I hope you don’t mind me stopping by unannounced.”

God, how you missed his face… his eyes, his body, his everything…

He’s wearing jeans today, a white shirt, again, and a navy-blue suit jacket.

"I was hoping for a call, but this is… better,” you say. Your hands are free… you make a step toward him. He’s so fucking tall!

“I had a busy day, but I had to see you.”

When you lift your chin, he grasps it with his long fingers and kisses you gently, breaking eye contact only for the short moment when your lips are pressed together.

“How are you?” he asks.

“I’m good.” _I was missing you like crazy the whole day, but now I’m great!_ “Are you hungry? There’s some mushroom risotto left from the dinner. I can reheat it for you.”

“That would be nice.” He says, taking the suit jacket off and hanging it on the back of the chair. He’s always hot around you.

Just as he sits down, his phone starts ringing. With a deep sigh, he fishes it out of his jacket and takes the call.

After putting a large plate on the table, you start reheating the risotto on the stove, while listening to him repeat “yes” to whoever is calling. There’s an occasional “no” and “leave it on my desk, I’ll sign it tomorrow”. Clearly, it’s a work-related conversation.

“Do you ever turn your phone off?” you ask after he ends the call.

“No, I can’t.”

“Even during your days off?”

“There can always be an emergency and people might need my immediate response.”

That’s not good… You imagine being in bed together and having to take a break at the worst possible moment, because someone needs his response…

What did you expect?! He’s a Ferrari team principal!

You fill his plate. “What would you like to drink? Water? Juice? Soda? Coffee? Tea?”

“Water is fine.”

You put a clean glass on the table; Mattia’s already wolfing the risotto down.

There’s something deeply satisfying in feeding a man’s hunger. And watching Mattia eat what you’ve prepared. You never experienced this feeling before, because you only cooked for Jess. And now you catch yourself on staring and smiling. Thankfully, Mattia is too focused on his plate to notice.

“You must be tired,” you say, sitting next to him, and putting a hand on his shoulder.

He chews for a moment and swallows. “It’s called Monday,” he says, reaching for the water. “It would be much better, if I didn’t have a headache.”

“I know a technique that helps me with headaches,” you say. “But you’d have to take your glasses off.”

He squints at you. Suspiciously, but also playfully.

“I won’t disturb your meal; I promise.”

You earn his trust; he takes the glasses off and puts them on the table.

Standing behind his chair, you press your fingertips to his temples and start gently massaging them with slow, circular motions.

He stops moving, letting the hand with the fork drop. “It’s working, you’re right.”

After he returns to his meal, you rest your hands on his shoulders, sliding them to his neck, your fingers lightly playing with his collar. The little shivers he must be feeling right now, will distract him from the headache and from the tiredness.

He doesn't talk much, he's just eating. “That was delicious, thank you,” he says, leaving the fork on an empty plate. “It was a good idea to pay you a visit, ha-ha…”

“I agree.” _Good to have you here, on this chair, with your hair so close to my nose._ “If you’d take that shirt off, I could give you a little massage.”

“Ehm… I don’t know about that. Your friend is in the other room.”

“Should I go and ask for her permission? Because I will.”

“No…” He fidgets in the chair, his hand grasping yours. “I'm just not sure if it's appropriate.”

His tired face makes your heart bleed. You lean down to kiss his forehead. “Can I at least unbutton it?”

He does that himself. That’s all you need to expose his neck and shoulders. You return to your post behind his chair and press your hands to his pale skin.

“Relax…”

“I am relaxed.”

“No, your neck is not.” But you can fix that! You’re not an expert on massages. You’re just guessing how to do it properly. But the good news is that it doesn’t matter what you do. Your touch will relax him anyway.

“So, your drivers are already on winter holidays, right?” you start, lowering your voice because it’s getting tight and you don’t want Jess to hear it.

“Yes, they are.”

“What about you? Will you have at least a couple of days off over the winter?”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” he says, grabbing the fork and starting to fiddle with it. “Friday is officially my last day of work this year. Officially. I doubt there won't be any calls afterwards.”

Friday, feels so far away…

“I need to be in Paris tomorrow in the afternoon and visit our brake supplier on Wednesday. There’s also a small party on Thursday for the guys who are retiring.”

You are listening, but you’re also focused on your hands and Mattia’s shoulders. The little birthmarks here and there… He’s wearing the shirt on his bare chest and you can see a bit of his chest hair. It’s dark, obviously, and there’s more of it than you expected.

You’re torn between wanting to give him a solid massage and simply caressing his skin. The muscle in his shoulders is so tight as if he was carrying the weight of the world. And he is… at least the weight of Scuderia Ferrari’s world. He’s a strong man, even if he doesn’t look like a body builder.

“I was thinking, maybe I could pick you up on Friday, around six. We could have a nice dinner and then… we could go to my place.”

_Now you’re talking!_

“Why can’t we eat at your place?”

He laughs. “Because I don’t have time to cook.”

“I can prepare something here and…”

“No, honey…” He turns to look at you; his chest hair steals your attention for a moment. “Let’s not rush. I want to talk to you first. And I don’t want us to worry about the food.”

“Let’s not rush? You make me sound like a sex addict…” you pout, but internally you’re basking in his loving gaze.

“I would never call you that,” he says, smiling. “I think you’ve been neglected, and I intend to fix it. So, don’t you worry. I’ll take care of you. And a nice dinner will do us both good, believe me.”

“I believe you,” you whisper, touching his temples again, but just to slide your fingers into his curly hair.

He sits back and closes his eyes.

“I wish I could take care of you as well… Every day when you come back from work,” you lower your voice even more, wishing the door to the living room was closed. “I would feed you, shower you, love you and watch you fall asleep.”

He smiles, keeping his eyes closed. “That’s a tempting vision.”

“You think it’s unrealistic?”

He opens his eyes and turns his head. “Come over here,” he says, patting his lap.

If he’s comfortable, you won’t hesitate.

You sit in his lap and put an arm around his neck. Finally, so close to his face again! So close that you can see all the wrinkles on his forehead and around his tired eyes.

“You need someone to take care of you too, Mattia. Or you’ll work yourself to death.”

“I love my work.”

You press a finger to his lips. “But does your work love you back?”

Oh, boy, this is risky, because you’re not sure you’re ready to confess anything…

“You’re right,” he says. “I need someone to take care of me and I’m glad you’re up for the job.”

“It’s my pleasure.” You kiss him lightly, remembering the full potential of his kisses and shivering at the thought. “I hope I wasn’t bothering you with my messages today.” You fix the shirt on his shoulders and start buttoning it up.

“You only sent two. I wanted to reply, but…”

“You were busy, I know.”

“But I read them. And I was hoping for more.”

“I didn’t want to distract you.”

Mattia shakes his head, staring at your lips. “I thought about you many times today, but I wasn’t distracted. It was more like… an adrenaline boost that helped me to work harder.” He manages to look away from your lips and focus on your eyes.

“That’s very nice to hear,” you say, leaning forward to rub the tip of your nose against his.

He has a huge nose and it’s so easy and fun to do with him. You start to laugh, he kisses you mid-laughter, kisses you deeply, making your skin prickle with heat.

“That was a bad idea,” he grimaces. “I can control myself, but…”

“But you can’t. It’s fine, I won’t torture you,” you can't hide a proud smirk. But you don’t want to make him uncomfortable. You can’t forget about Jess in the other room either.

You get up from his lap and take a seat in the chair next to his, throwing a furtive glance at his jeans, but there’s nothing to see there. Yet.

Your king has a full stomach, but he also has other needs. You can’t take care of them now, but you eventually will. And then you'll make sure he's always satisfied.

* * *

“He left? So soon?” Jess is still busy checking the tests. “It was hard not to eavesdrop on you.”

“I thought we were quiet.”

“Especially when you were quiet."

“So, I guess you heard about our plans?”

“I heard something about Friday and a dinner.”

“Yes. I’ll stay at his place. And you will have the entire flat to yourself.”

Jess shakes her head. “It’s a Christmas miracle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a little snack for you while you're waiting for the full meal. Thank you for your patience and the lovely comments.


	9. Yes, my king

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Full Mattia experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience, guys. It took me a while, because it's a long chapter and an important one. The longer I stare at the text, the less confident I am about it, so I better just post it and hope you will enjoy it. I don't expect more updates this year. I hope you'll find a moment to comment and share your thoughts and feelings. It would mean a lot to me. If you're too shy you can do it on tumblr and anonymously.

How do you get ready to an evening with him? How do you prepare for a night in his bed? You shower, you shave your legs, you have a meltdown over what underwear to put on.

You don’t want to consult with Jess, despite being so close with her. Even the preparations are a part of the intimate experience that will forever stay between you and Mattia. One of many little secrets that will bind your relationship.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday dragged on; you couldn’t stop thinking about Mattia and your plans. Now it’s finally Friday, time to put a cocktail dress on.

You're not as nervous as you were before the charity ball, because you know that you won’t have to deal with other people. And Mattia will keep you comfortable, no matter what.

“When can I expect you back home?” Jess asks as you’re checking your bag for the last time.

“When I run out of fresh clothes, I guess.”

“Don’t give him a heart attack, woman, he’s not twenty years old.”

“He’s not seventy either.”

“It’s been a while since the last time you had sex, so please, be careful if you don’t want to get pregnant.”

“As you mentioned, Mattia is nowhere near your boyfriend’s age; he buys his own condoms.”

“Hey! Charles can be responsible too.”

“Sure, sure.” Hearing the doorbell, you dart to the door.

Mattia’s face brightens up at your sight. You look him up and down, he does the same to you. Like two enchanted kids.

He has a black coat on, black trousers, so the suit under the coat is probably black too. You can see a white collar. Mister elegance. Dressed to impress. Wants to be the best version of himself even though you’re ready to love him at his worst too.

“Hi, how are you?”

“Come on in,” you ignore his question. Once he’s inside the flat, you slide your hands under his coat, wrapping your arms around his torso and clinging to his chest.

Mattia closes his arms around you. “You look beautiful.”

You want to laugh and cry simultaneously. You need a couple of deep breaths to pull yourself together. His scent is helping you; the familiar smell of his cologne that your brain learned to identify with happiness and a sense of security.

You lean away to look up, the sight of that disorderly curl on his forehead making you smile. “You look great too,” you say, climbing onto the tips of your toes.

Your lips lock together for a long enough moment to send an electric impulse down your spine. Nobody has ever had such an effect on you like this fifty-year-old slender giant with great hair and funny glasses.

How did this happen? You cast your mind back to the barbecue party when he was still team principal Mattia Binotto to you. He was just grilling food. Nothing spectacular and yet… It had to be the moment when he took care of your drunk friend. The moment when he took control over the situation and helped you get back home safely.

“Are you ready to go?” His eyes are sparkling with excitement. Knowing that you are the reason, makes you burst with pride.

“Yes. Let me just grab my things.”

“I’ll help you.”

Jess shows up to say goodbye. Before she closes the door behind you, you see her wink at Mattia, bringing a bashful smile to his face.

Mattia carries your bag. “You didn’t pack much,” he says, grasping your hand as you’re walking down the stairs.

“I don’t know how long I can stay in your house.”

“Forever,” he says, smiling charmingly.

He leads you to his silver Ferrari, a spring in his step. After unlocking the door, he puts the bag on the back seat. “I can get you anything you want, just say a word.”

“Wow, someone’s flexing…”

“I’m just trying to impress you.” Mattia holds the door for you as you get in the car.

“You’re doing a great job without trying.”

Once he gets behind the wheel, the atmosphere changes; it gets quiet, reflexive, serious.

A minute, maybe two, pass in a complete silence. In your mind, you relive the first time he drove you in his car, with a wasted Jess in the back seat. If anyone told you back then that a couple months later, he’d be taking you to a restaurant or better, he’d invite you to his house and his bedroom, you would’ve rolled your eyes. He seemed so unreachable and distant, like a star. Did he lower himself to you or did you reach the skies?

“You okay?”

“Yes. Why?”

“You’re quiet.” He keeps glancing at you whenever he can look away from the road.

“I’m just enjoying the moment,” you say, hoping he’ll believe you.

“All right.” He reaches to your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours on your thigh. “I just wanted to say that if at any point you feel uncomfortable, please let me know. It’s not a race. We don’t have to do anything.”

“I’m twenty-five, Mattia. Not sixteen,” you say, making sure he can see your smile. “But I appreciate your concern. And don’t be alarmed if I zone out. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with emotions.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

* * *

You enjoy the dinner, despite Mattia’s eyes watching you constantly. Watching you put food into your mouth, watching you swallow, watching you lift your glass, watching you wipe your lips…

It’s not like you aren’t staring at him. He just licked his lips for the thirty seventh time.

You’ve finished your meal a while ago, but Mattia’s not in a hurry to leave. He grasps your hand, leaning forward to shorten the distance between you. “I can’t stop looking at you,” he says.

Yeah, you noticed...

“You’re so beautiful.”

You look down. Compliments still make you uneasy, but Mattia gives you time to get used to his opinion. When you timidly look up, you see his warm smile.

“Before we go,” he fixes the rebellious curl on his forehead, “I wanted to let you know that I’m not a…” he starts fidgeting in his chair, more than he usually does. “I’m not a very experienced lover.”

You raise your eyebrows. “You were married for over twenty years. That’s plenty of experience, if you’d ask me.”

His gaze drops to the empty plate in front of him. “I meant that I only have experience with one woman.”

“Your wife was your first? That’s sweet.”

“You can call it sweet, sure.”

“So, when was the last time you had sex? If it’s not too personal.”

He looks up, trying to remember.

Not a good idea, because now, in his head, he’s in bed with his ex-wife. But there’s no angelic expression on his face, only a subtle frown. “Summer 2017? I can’t remember exactly, but I remember that it wasn’t… I didn’t do a great job.”

You suspect that it wasn’t fully his fault, but he’s willing to take the blame because he doesn’t want his ex-wife to look bad.

You take a deep breath in. “I also had sex with only one person,” you confess, your voice quiet, hoping he can hear you because you're not going to repeat. “It was five years ago. I thought I was ready, but… it didn’t go well.”

Mattia frowns, squeezing your hand. You’re grateful that he’s not interrupting, because you have more to share. And you must do it quickly or you’ll lose the courage.

“He was my age, a nice guy. I had a huge crush on him. So, I was over the moon when we started dating. But when we decided to sleep together, I just couldn’t relax. I was like seventy percent nervous and only thirty percent turned on… Obviously, I ruined it for both of us, but he was very kind and understanding. He didn’t want me to feel bad. We tried again, a few weeks later, but… it still didn’t feel good for me.”

Mattia’s frown is deepening.

“Please, don’t feel sorry for me,” you continue. “I hate when people pity me. I don’t want to be treated like I’m made of glass. I’m only telling you this, because there could be something physically wrong with my body and…”

“Sweetheart,” he leans forward, touching your wrist, making you quiet with this small gesture. “If a man wants to have sex with a woman, it’s his job to make her feel relaxed.”

“He was a nice guy…”

“Yes, you've already said that. But you know what?” He pauses until you feel ready to look him in the eye. “I think he was too young for you,” he says with such confidence, you feel even more attracted to him than before.

You’re in his hands and he’ll know how to handle you. Not like glass, but like a woman who needs a lot of affection.

“I’m ready to go, if you are,” you say. Surely, he can see the desire in your eyes.

He empties his glass and signals to the waiter.

* * *

You can’t see far. Not only because it’s dark outside, but also because the star by your side is blinding you. The December cold can’t affect you when he’s close.

You don’t know where he lives and you’re not paying attention to the road. He’s next to you and you already feel like home.

You’re staring at his hands on the steering wheel. Listening to him as he takes another work-related call.

“I’m sorry,” he says after it ends. “It starts getting on my nerves. Looks like it hasn’t bothered me before because I had nothing better to do.”

Look at him being annoyed!

“You’re an important person. I respect that,” you say, touching his hand. “I will always respect what you do professionally.”

He glances at you. His expression is soft and relaxed again. “We’re almost home.”

“Let’s not rush, right?”

With a cheeky smile, he steps on the gas.

* * *

His house is surrounded by a high fence and scantily illuminated. The automatic gate opens, and you can see a medium sized building with a large balcony. It’s too dark to make out the colour of the facade, but you like the style. There’s a lot of bushes and trees around. A garage for two cars and a barbecue spot in the garden.

“Feels like a hotel. I only get here to sleep, shower and shave,” he says.

“You won’t be sleeping much tonight.”

He doesn’t comment. You can’t see his face because he’s taking your bag from the car.

“Let’s go,” he takes you by the hand and leads you to the building. His fingers seem warmer…

As you enter his house, Mattia closes the door. Your skin covers in goose bumps at the click of the lock.

He takes your coat and goes to hang it by the door, while you look around: there’s the kitchen, opposite to the entrance. “Will you take me on a house tour?” you ask, wondering if there’s a separate dining room.

“Not tonight.” You get startled by his voice right behind you, his arms closing around your rib cage.

So, this is it… How are you supposed to survive this night if you’re already almost paralyzed with shivers?

“How are the numbers looking?” he asks, his hand stroking the fabric of your dress, from your hip, to your belly, stopping right under your boobs.

Numbers? What numbers?

“You said you were seventy percent nervous with your last guy.”

Ah…

You try to swallow, but your mouth is too dry. “It’s not easy to admit, but…” The tension in your voice answers his question already. “Ninety-five percent aroused and five percent nervous.”

His short laughter tickles your ear. “I’ll work on that five percent then.”

His hand cups your left boob, making you let out an awkward sound as he squeezes it gently.

“Do you want to go upstairs?”

“Yes, my king…”

He laughs again. “You like this game, don’t you?” His hand moves to your belly. “Your king needs to check his email. Because he decided to turn his phone off and he needs to make sure there are no emergencies.”

The world has shrunken. There’s only your body and him. Tall, hot and dominant…

“The king wants you to go to the bedroom upstairs.”

Oh, boy…

“You’re going to take all your clothes off.”

“But… Don’t you want to see my new underwear…”

He tightens the grip around your waist, pressing you forcefully against his body. “You will only reply with yes.”

Oh, boy, oh, boy…

You close your eyes to boost your other senses. “Yes, my lord.”

“That’s better. You’re going to lie down on the large bed. Naked, no covers. You’re going to rest on your back. And the moment your king enters the room, you will obey his every command. And you will become the most welcoming throne he’s ever claimed.”

“Yes, my king.” In the silence that suddenly falls all you can hear is yours and his deep breathing.

“Your king will deliver your bag to the room later.”

What a dork…

He steps away and by the time you turn around, he’s already disappearing in a room that you assume to be his home office.

His instructions were clear; you’re going to follow them to the letter, even if you imagined this night differently. You wanted him to see your sexy underwear, you wanted him to undress you slowly and cover each newly uncovered part of your body with little kisses. But you’re in his castle. You will obey.

You walk up the stairs. Being in an unfamiliar place never felt so exciting. There are four doors on the first floor. One to the bathroom, one to the toilet, one to a… small bedroom that looks inhabited. You open the last door and you turn the light on.

Yes, that’s the master bedroom. Mattia’s king size bed. The sheet looks expensive. It seems cool to the touch and extremely soft, slippery even… The duvet, neatly folded, is lying on the table by the window. It’ll be dry and fresh to use when you decide to go to sleep.

You look around the room, wondering how much time you have. If he’s only checking emails, he can be here any minute.

The fancy chandelier is too bright. You turn the bedside lamp on instead and reach to your back to unzip your dress. You could use Mattia’s help, but… you’ll manage. You must follow your king’s orders.

You imagine him trying to professionally reply to emails while picturing you waiting naked in his bed… Are you still an adrenaline boost or rather a major distraction?

With a sigh, you undo your bra and take your panties off before leaving them, together with the dress, on a chair in the far corner of the room. You feel like sneezing…

It’s been a while since you were completely naked in front of another human being. Your body changed a little since you were twenty. Your boobs are fuller, so are your hips. You’re not as flawless as you were as a teenager… But you’re still the freshest fruit for a man like Mattia. He’s not going to complain.

Your nipples are hard, but only because you’re getting cold without your clothes on.

You rest on the sheet, trying to find an attractive position, but everything feels awkward. The cool fabric is making you shiver in an unpleasant way. The bed’s comfortable though.

Let’s think for a second. He clearly wants to look at you. Men love visual stimulation.

What he did downstairs was hot as fuck, even if he didn’t do much. And his hand on your boob…

You look at your nipples; now they are getting hard for the right reason. You have no clothes on. There will be nothing between your skin and his fingers. If he touches you again, you’ll feel everything.

You close your eyes, listening to the silence around you, hoping to hear his footsteps on the stairs. You’re more than five percent nervous right now. Much more, but by the time he’ll join you, it will most likely change.

Is he really checking emails? Will he leave his phone downstairs? He told you to rest on your back, but it doesn’t feel sexy at all. You try to arrange your hair on the pillow…

The door opens, startling you.

You press your knees together, putting an arm over your breasts. What? It’s a natural reaction for a modest person.

He stops by the door; looks like he left the suit jacket downstairs, and the tie is gone as well.

“This is not what a welcoming throne looks like.” He can make his voice sound demanding if he wants. Not a bad actor. “Your legs…” he makes a gesture with his hands.

Just a second ago this suggestion would’ve made you cringe, but now, as you watch him slowly roll up his left sleeve, you’re ready to do anything he wants.

This man knows how to turn you on with a single gesture.

You spread your thighs, feeling exposed and vulnerable. And enjoying the sensation, because the man watching you is the only person you truly trust… and admire… and love.

He rolls up the other sleeve and reaches to his glasses. When he places them on the nightstand, he’s the closest to you since he entered the room. He looks more his age without his glasses. You can see the dark redness of his lips and his dilated pupils.

“Are you pleased with what you see, my king?”

He doesn’t grace you with a response. He’s busy studying your body. His gaze lingers on your boobs before shifting to your belly. Looks like he wants another angle, as he steps to the legs of the bed, rubbing his long fingers, as if to make sure they are warm.

He’d seen your face many times, now he wants to look at something else.

“Permission to speak, my lord.”

He looks up to meet your eyes, and you shiver at the intensity of his stare. “I’m listening.”

“Maybe you could turn some nice, slow music on?”

Mattia takes a deep breath in and exhales slowly. “I will be the only musician playing in this room… and I’m going to play on you.” He approaches the bed from the leg side. “You’re my most expensive instrument.” He crawls on the bed, licking his lips.

You can’t wait for him to get on top of you, even if he’s still fully clothed. You missed his lips too much…

He’s not interested in your kisses though. His eyes are locked on what he craves. His arms slide under your thighs, long fingers interlocking with yours, holding you steady as he buries his face between your legs.

What the fuck…

You let out a shaky moan, shocked by the intensity of the experience. His curls tickle your inner thighs while the delicate brushing of his tongue and lips make you tremble.

You expected him to go slowly and he’s doing this? Was he thinking about it when you were still in the restaurant? Was this his plan when he was giving you instructions downstairs?

You squeeze his hands forcefully. As hard as you can because it feels that good and he should know it.

Breathing in short gasps, you arch your back; you’re a vibrating string and he’s playing on you like a virtuoso. The quiet sucking noises in between his sighing breaths are giving you goose bumps. Sounds like he’s really into it.

You want to touch his hair so badly… You manage to yank your right hand free from his grip, but he grabs you by the wrist immediately and pins it down to the sheet.

He’s the king. Such a generous king… The greatest ruler of all…

And he’s not even using his hands, what the hell!

Since he limited your movements, you can only sway your hips, which makes everything a thousand times more intense and you’re already barely handling the pleasure.

You’re going to come any second now. Not only because his tongue is so precise and his lips are sucking on all the right spots, but also because of the way he’s pinning your wrists to the bed. It’s almost uncomfortable, if discomfort could ever lead to an orgasm…

It builds up rapidly, localised right where his tongue is, a sharp, blinding pleasure that cannot be processed quietly. You let out a loud moan, squirming under his lips.

He keeps pleasuring you with slow, lingering licks while you’re still spasming with continuous aftershocks. When you finally go still and quiet, he presses a couple of light kisses to your inner thighs and lifts himself up.

Everything looks like in a haze…

When he lies down next to you, you finally manage to focus your vision.

He seems pleased with himself. “How are the numbers now?” he asks before giving you a delicate kiss.

You can taste the sweetness of his lips and the saltiness of your own body. It’s so arousing, you struggle to think clearly. What was he asking about? “I’m sorry, I’m still… flying.”

He smiles, kissing your cheek, your temple, your forehead. “I will never be too old to do that.”

You blink heavily. He’s not talking about the kisses, is he?

“Oops, I said too old. That’s three penalty points, so I guess I’m on nine now.”

“You just redeemed yourself… Or let me put it this way: today you are forgiven,” you say, quoting his team radio message to Charles in Monza.

He smirks. “Is that the punishment? Are you sure?”

You just shake your head. Still too dazed to think clearly.

You cannot believe that maybe ten minutes ago you were close to sneezing. Now you’re sweating from the heat your body has produced.

“You can’t enjoy a fancy meal when you’re starving. And you looked starved to me.” Mattia rests his head next to yours. “So, I figured I better satiate your hunger first and… that was the quickest and the most efficient way.”

You lift your hand to touch the lines on his forehead, your fingers are shaking. “My hunger or yours?” you ask, looking into his hazel eyes.

“Both.” He’s staring at your lips. “And now that you are relaxed, I’ll work on your appetite from the bottom up… actually, from the top down, starting with your sweet mouth.”

He starts kissing you, sliding his thigh between your legs. As if the mastery of his kisses wasn’t enough. And there’s also his hand… his big hand, making your boobs seem so small…

His thumb on your nipple… Surprisingly delicate…

He can say what he wants, but his experience is showing. He knows exactly how hard to squeeze to make you gasp, but before it’s too painful. Or maybe he’s just watching your reactions.

He starts kissing your neck, tickling you a little. You use the opportunity to breath in the scent of his hair.

The kissing trail seem to lead south, from the top down, just as he promised. You can guess what’s going to happen next. You want it badly too.

So, when he presses his lips to your collar bone, you sit up… No, still not the right level. You get on your knees, pulling his head to your chest.

As he takes your nipple in his mouth and starts sucking, you close your eyes and wonder - am I going to come from this because I might.

He’s still wearing all his clothes which somehow makes this scene even hotter.

You keep messing his hair, while he sucks, his eyelids quivering. If he would slide a hand between your legs right now, you would be done in a second… At the moment he's just touching your bum, his sneaky fingers are brushing your inner thighs, teasing you.

When you delicately caress his red earlobes, he leans away. “It tickles…”

“You don’t like getting tickled?”

“I’m here to tickle you…”

You cup his face with both your hands and give him a wet kiss while he places both his hands on your bum and squeezes it, making you moan straight in his mouth.

“Not bad for an old man, right?

You blink, trying to gather your thoughts. “Three penalty points,” you say, reaching to his shirt. He already sweated enough; you need to let his skin breathe.

You unbutton his shirt, exposing his hairy chest. You can see his bellybutton and the trail of dark hair underneath.

“Just as a warning, I’m not build like an athlete…”

“Shut up.” You take his shirt off and drop it on the carpet. When you reach to his belt, he gently pushes your hands away. “Not yet,” he whispers, pulling you into a deep kiss.

Damn it! The moment you thought you can take some initiative; he’s making you weak again.

He pushes you on your back, his tongue teasing yours, reaching deeper and deeper, as his chest keeps pressing harder against your boobs…

You wish to have him inside you already… And almost as if he was reading your mind, the kissing stops. Mattia looks into your eyes.

“Two hundred percent” you say, stroking his chest.

“Okay then…” His hand appears right in front of your face. “Which one do you want?” he asks, moving his fingers.

Is this for real? After a moment of hesitation, you kiss his pointing finger before quickly shifting your lips to his middle finger.

Mattia raises an eyebrow, pressing the pointing finger to your bottom lip. “Wet it.”

You look him in the eye, realizing your mouth is completely dry. You try to swallow, feeling the saliva slowly pooling under your tongue. But you choose to shake your head. “No need,” you say. “You’ll see.”

His eyebrow goes up again.

The mere thought of what’s about to happen is making you even wetter. There shouldn’t be any problems, unless… there’s something wrong with your body inside. Does he remember about your experiences? Does he know what you wanted to tell him and what you are worried about?

He rests his hand on your ribs as you shift a little, spreading your legs to give him access and be ready.

He leans down to kiss you. His lips are gentle this time. “You have the hottest body on the planet.”

It’s not true but who cares!

You smile, but your expression changes when his hand finally shifts.

He’s not kissing you, but his lips are close. You can feel his breath on your cheek. It’s obvious that touching you brings him a lot of pleasure. Especially touching you there, where his tongue was not that long ago.

You throw your head back, oh, the bliss, the way he studies you with his fingertips, breathing heavier now… And when he finally feels the opening, he slowly pushes his finger in…

A soft moan escapes your lips. His finger is gliding in, deeper and deeper. So deep you can’t believe it. Maybe you’re just confused, but during your first and second time, you don’t think the guy reached that far. No, that can’t be right…

You feel Mattia’s gaze on your face. “Nothing wrong there…” he whispers before gently kissing your lips. “All I can feel is…” The finger slides out, just to be joined by the other one. “Wet fire.”

You grimace.

His smile is such a beautiful thing to see… Always and especially now.

“Your king wants you to come again,” he says, keeping eye contact.

Okay, you give up. He is a sex god after all. Fine.

“Yes, my lord.” This won’t be difficult to achieve. “Just… kiss me.”

He licks his lips and that’s the last thing you remember. The rest is just a breathless, sweaty blur. 

If he wants to play on you and listen to your ‘music’, now is his moment, because you can’t help it… His long fingers turn you into a wild animal. Forget about the G-spot. He can reach your X-, Y-, and the Z-spot as well.

The kissing stops when you get out of breath. You can feel the orgasm building up deep inside your belly. The tension’s rising slowly. So slowly, you know it’s going to be a big one.

“Oh… God…” You come, gripping onto his arm, your hips twitching to the rhythm of a pulsating pleasure.

You hear him whisper something in French, that you can’t understand. If feels surreal. You’re still high on bliss, when he suddenly goes still, drawing your attention.

He stops breathing for more than five seconds, before drawing a slow, controlled breath in. “I nearly lost it…” he confesses, noticing your concern.

“We have all night.”

“Yes, but I’m an old man,” he says, rolling onto his back.

“Six points.” You shift onto your side, every movement of yours hips echoing the pleasure you just experienced.

You look at your man's gigantic body, your gaze lingering on his erection pressing hard against the pant leg. “You don’t look too comfortable.”

“I’m great though.”

Okay, let’s try again… You reach to his belt.

He pushes your hands away. “Not yet…”

“Would you stop?” You pout, loving the fake argument you’re having. “I’m starting to wonder… Maybe you don’t want me to see what’s in your pants, because you know that I’ll be disappointed.”

He bits his lip, clearly trying to keep himself from chuckling. “My secret is out.”

You sigh, pretending to be annoyed, but the way he’s smiling at you is disarming.

Maybe it’ll be better to work on him from the top down as well…

You shift on the bed to taste his lips. His hand glides into your hair, as he surrenders to your kisses. When you press your lips to his neck, he lets out a lovely sigh. You want to hear it again, and again… You leave a trail of red stains on his sensitive skin, moving from the spot under his let ear to the spot under his right ear. You grip his earlobe gently with your teeth… He gasps, fidgeting on the bed.

You hear a metallic sound, so you turn your head, and to your surprise you see him undoing the belt.

You turn your focus back to his red ear and the sensitive skin below, but you can’t ignore the sound of the zipper being pulled down. It raises every single hair on your body.

He shifts on the bed. “Don’t move.”

Your vision blurry with arousal, you rest your head on the pillow, waiting. He’s obviously taking the trousers off. And hopefully the underwear too. Should you check? Your cheeks start to burn.

You’re not going to stare. He stared at you, but you’re not going to do that…

He retakes his place on the bed next to you, his hand on your chin forcing eye contact, while his other hand grasps yours and pulls it toward his crotch.

“My lord…” you whisper. Now, this is unexpected. You start freaking out a little. You hope your fingers are not cold.

No, he’s not wearing anything; you can feel the soft, curly hairs under your fingers.

He’s not letting you turn your head. At first you can’t hold onto his gaze and you look at his lips instead, but then you realize that this is a double-edged sword: he wants to see your reactions, but you will see his as well.

He closes your fingers around his hardness, his lips parting, eyes getting hazy.

Where has all that saliva come from? You need to swallow or you'll start drooling. The weight, the girth in your hand feels promising.

You barely move your fingers and he’s already wincing.

“Easy. It took a lot of restrain to save it for the right moment.”

“Hey, you put my hand over there. Don’t complain now.”

He bits his lip again. “You’re so cute…” his words turn into a sharp gasp.

It's a one, long stroke… Unable to curb your curiosity, you turn your head to throw a glance at his body. You look at your own body next to him, trying to imagine where will it fit… how will it fit…

Oh… well… it’s fine… you’ll be fine…

Mattia grasps your chin and forces you to look at him again. “Disappointed?”

“No.” You shift forward to rub your noses together. “I’m honoured,” you whisper, moving your lips as close to his as possible, without kissing him. “I’m ready if you are.”

“I’m not. I need to put a condom first.”

There’s a moment of silence.

“Could you take your hand away?” he asks, his voice amused.

“No.”

Yes, that’s the smile you wanted to see.

“Don’t worry. It won't fall off.”

“Okay, fine.”

He sits up, reaching to a drawer in the nightstand.

Now is your chance to take a better look at his body. There’s not much fat on him. His stomach is slightly rounded, no six-pack, of course, but, leaving the biggest asset aside, there’s something extremely attractive about the shape of his hip bones and his long thighs. His legs are on the skinnier side, but his calves are nicely shaped. His legs must be strong to support this gigantic body.

You sigh, resting comfortably on your back.

“I’ll be right there.”

“I’m sighing because I’m happy.”

“Oh, okay. I thought you were getting impatient.”

You laugh. “No, I’m past that.”

“Nervous?” He finally turns to you.

“No, I’m past that too.”

His gaze moves up and down your body, his expression changing. Enough talking…

You open your arms, invitingly. And he takes the invitation.

A moment later you are making out passionately, tightly embraced on the silky sheet. His body pins you to the bed as he moves his entire weight on you. He’s heavier than you expected but your body seems not only to sustain it but also draw pleasure from it.

His erection is pressing against your belly, while he kisses your lips, the way only he can, pushing the back of your head harder and harder against the pillow. When you’re almost out of breath, he breaks the kiss, his teeth gripping your swollen bottom lip and pulling it gently.

You can’t wrap your head around the amount of wetness your body managed to produce.

And there’s also his nervous hand… the warm, loving hand that moves too much. It’s everywhere. Caressing your boobs, your belly, your waist, your hipbone, sliding between your legs, just to tease you a bit before it goes back to your boob...

Kissing him like your life depended on it, you picture the red lines your fingernails are leaving on the sensitive skin of his back. His tongue is more daring than ever. You’ve never been more aroused in your life.

“Mattia,” you whisper, leaning away before his hungry lips could steal your breath again. “I want you so badly…”

He looks you in the eye. Message received.

Breathing heavily, he reaches between your hot, wet bodies. You reach there too, even though he doesn’t need your help.

You’re silky and slippery inside. Mattia slides in effortlessly.

An identical grimace appears on his and your face.

Your body stretches, stimulating you to the extent that you’ve never experienced before. The feeling is so intense, you can’t help but wince.

He sees it. “That should be enough…”

“No, no… Keep going; I can handle it.”

Can you though?

He pulls out an inch, just to push in a couple more. Making you grimace even harder.

“Keep going…”

You’re not in pain. You look like you’re in pain, but that’s not the same expression. “Go on…” you encourage him with a delicate smile. “Yes, thank you… oh, fuck…”

He stops. You wonder if he’s all in, because if not…

“You okay?”

You’re breathing heavily, but you manage to smile. “That’s a lot to… process.”

You’ve never felt so stretched in your life. Filled with hot, pulsating hardness… All your nerve endings are already overstimulated, so what will happen when he moves?

“Is your throne comfortable, your majesty?”

He nods, closing his eyes. He’s shaking. Seeing that makes you weirdly emotional.

“Can we stay like this for a moment?” you ask.

He nods again. Did he lose his voice?

You embrace him tightly, slowly getting used to his size.

He’s not a king anymore. He’s your Mattia. You almost feel like you need to take care of him now. But you know that the moment he'll move, you’ll be at his mercy.

When you hear how shaky his breathing is, you realize that maybe he’s just tired of controlling his lust. Maybe it’s time to help him achieve the ultimate pleasure.

You rock your hips, inviting him to this primal dance… the most intimate dance of all…

He props himself on an elbow, finds your gaze and starts pushing.

So, you thought you got used to his size? Think again…

Imagine shivers from all the surface of your skin, combine them and activate at once with each single thrust.

You start moaning, tears gathering at the corners of your eyes. It feels so good, you’re going to cry.

He can see your tears, but he doesn’t seem concerned. Maybe because your voice, and your face are so full of bliss. Besides, you are the one who’s controlling the pace with your hips.

Even though you are moving slowly, he starts panting and grimacing. He goes still a few times, burying his face in your shoulder and trembling.

“I’m right behind you…” you whisper into his ear, waiting for him to move again. Or not?

No worries, he’s still rock-hard inside you. As you work your internal muscles, you can hear his throaty moan. You do it again, and again, enjoying it as much as he does. But unexpectedly, he pushes into you with so much force you moan loudly. Sounds like you are protesting, but no, no…

“God… yes… This is good…”

He pulls out and pushes forcefully in again, in and out…

Breathe, remember to breathe… The pleasure’s building up quickly.

You hold onto his arms, like he’s the only anchor between you and the sane world. You already feel like falling from a high building, but what’s waiting for you at the bottom is not a painful death, but the exact opposite. An invigorating pleasure.

You dig your fingernails into his skin… You’re not behind, you’re right with him. Listening to him coming, pushes you over the edge.

Wet fire is burning deep in your belly, consuming both of you, melting you into one… The duet of shaky gasps and warm moans vibrates in the air. Your intimate music, a love song you only want to sing with him. You can feel a strong pulse inside you, but you can’t tell if it’s yours of his…

Such extreme pleasure can’t last too long… It would make you both lose your minds.

His movements slow down until he stops. His weight seems double, as he collapses on you, breathing heavily.

You embrace him with love, still rocking your hips to collect and deliver to him all the remaining sparkles of pleasure.

You’re surprised at the clarity of your thoughts. Everything looks sharp and bright. Looks like he’s in a completely different state and maybe that’s the reason why you’re so alert. Your protective instincts have turned on.

Maybe you’re misinterpreting things. Maybe he’s just overwhelmed after his orgasm. He’ll be back soon…

In the meantime, you caress his hair.

Nothing was wrong with your body. But you don’t regret the years spent worrying and sending boys and men away. It was supposed to be this way. Everything falls into place now. You had to have such a shitty love life to get to Italy and get fascinated by this man. It needed to happen after he got divorced and when he was ready to seek love again.

You want to tell him you love him, but it’s easy to say it after sex. You’re going to tell him during your first argument. Or when he’ll be brushing his teeth…

You caress his sweaty back, your fingertips following the outline of his spine. Just when you'r about to touch his butt, he props himself on an elbow and shifts his hips to rest next to you.

“Are you satisfied, your majesty?” you ask, feeling unburdened but also empty.

He rests on his back, smiling at you. His eyes move from your face to your breasts to your hips and back to your face.

“What?”

“A lot of things,” he says, grasping your hand. “Could you hand me a bottle of water? It’s behind the nightstand on your side of the bed.”

“Sure,” you must get up to reach it. He’s probably staring at your bum right now… You bend a little more than you need. So shameless, what happened to you? Well, Mattia happened. A man who kept looking into your eyes to make sure you’re comfortable and never once made you feel ashamed of yourself or of what you were doing.

There are five small glass bottles of water on the carpet. You grab one and hand it to him. He sits up, drinks a half of it, offering you the other half. While you’re drinking, he gets rid of the condom.

I will sleep with him in his bed, you realize. I will sleep on his chest. In his arms.

You wonder if you’ll have any dreams and how pathetic they will look compared to what just happened in real life. Since you met him, reality is the better world and you don’t want to fall asleep.

But you’re tired and you can only imagine how he must be feeling, your busy man.

“Should we change the sheet? It’s a bit wet…” he says, leaving the bed to grab the duvet from the table.

“It’s fine,” you say, trying not to stare at his lovely back, his little butt and his long legs… “It’s fine, because you’re hot.”

That bashful smile appears on his face, the one when he closes his eyes while smiling.

After covering you with the duvet, he slips under it as well, and lets you rest your head on his heart, your belly pressed to his hip.

You put your hand on his chest and start caressing the curly hair. What would he say if you slipped your hand under the duvet and focused on the second… or the third hairiest spot on his body, if you count his head?

How long will it take to make him hard again?

“What are you thinking about?”

“Noth…” you scold yourself for nearly lying to him. “I was just wondering how much time you need to recover.”

“Not much with you…”

“I hope you don’t think that I’m not satisfied, because I am.”

He laughs, pulling you closer to kiss your forehead. “You want more… That’s good, because it means that I did a good job.”

Thank God he’s not as insecure as you are sometimes. “You were excellent,” you say.

“I like this word.”

“I know.”

“Can I turn the light off?”

“Yes.”

He has long arms; he doesn’t even need to shift.

You can’t see him anymore, but that’s okay. You can still smell him, feel his warmth and listen to his breathing.

You close your eyes and smile in the darkness. Tomorrow you will talk. Tomorrow you will do other things. Now it’s time to rest. It’s time to regenerate.

“Sweet dreams, my king…” you whisper, seeking Mattia’s lips.

No dream can be as sweet as his kisses. It will only be a moment. Soon you’ll wake up and he’ll still be next to you.

“Good night, my queen," he says, filling your eyes with happy tears.


	10. Easy love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a new day. You're eager to express your love for Mattia in many ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! It's been a while. Missed writing this fic. I'm so happy that you kept reading and re-reading it.  
I will start working on another project soon (not about Mattia). I wanted to complete this fic first, but I changed my mind. Because I don't want to finish it yet. It will take more time between updates, but at least I won't rush with the plot. Waiting for your feedback, as always. The comments and personal messages were great after the last update. Thank you for all of them.

You open your eyes. The sun’s already rising; the bed next to you is empty. You heave a deep sigh.

As you start remembering everything that happened last night, a slow smile spreads over your mouth.

You’re well rested and despite your worries, you’re not in any pain.

You can’t recall when was the last time you woke up in such a large bed and in such a spacious bedroom.

Poor Mattia, how hard it must have been to wake up alone day after day? He’s not poor any longer… And he probably never moped about it; he just got up and got busy.

His glasses are still on the nightstand. He probably went to use the toilet. You’ll greet him with a smile when he comes back. You could sleep a little longer, if he’d want to, or you could do something else…

You wait and wait. Where the hell is he?

You hear a quiet sound of running water. Is he taking a shower? Did he start the day without you?

He told you some time ago that he’s an early bird. It’s difficult to suddenly change your habits. To be fair, you don’t want him to turn his life upside down because of you. You’re here to make him happy. Not to change him into a different person.

You get up from the bed and look for your clothes. Ah, there they are, on the chair in the far corner of the room. Mattia’s white shirt and his trousers are still on the floor. You pick them up, getting strangely excited. It’s just his clothes, calm down…

You walk up to the chair to put Mattia’s clothes next to yours. You want to put the underwear on; Mattia still hasn’t seen it. But his shirt smells so irresistible…

You put the shirt on your naked body, rolling the sleeves up to your elbows and fastening a couple of buttons.

As you’re walking to the door, you notice your bag that your king promised to deliver to the room. He kept his word.

You open the bag to snatch a pair of slippers. You also grab your toothbrush. You’ll join Mattia in the bathroom, assuming he didn’t lock the door.

Walking past the bed, you decide to pick up Mattia’s glasses. You put them on your nose… Well, now you can’t see shit. But, if you remember correctly, the bathroom is not far.

The moment you find yourself in the corridor, you notice that the door to the bathroom is wide open. Mattia is standing by the sink, his chin covered in shaving cream.

“Oh God…” he says, throwing a glance at you.

“Better nickname than Auntie, for sure.”

“You look hot.”

“Because I’m wearing your shirt and your glasses?” You lean against the door frame, blinking hard, but your vision is not getting any sharper.

“Yes, I’m attracted to myself.” Mattia’s stare moves up and down your body before he goes back to shaving.

You know he’s just joking and yet he still feels the need to clarify: “I remember vividly what’s under that shirt.”

Pleased by his words, you grasp the glasses and put them on your head. A few blinks more and you finally can see properly. “You cut yourself.”

“I know. Happens when I’m in a hurry. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast.”

“You should’ve skipped shaving.”

The only thing he’s wearing are loose boxer shorts. He has narrow hips and a small butt so you wouldn’t be surprised if all shorts were loose on him.

“I can feel you judging my half-a-century old body and it’s stressing me out,” he says, pressing the razor to his chin.

You squint at him, opening your mouth, but every response you can think of sounds like lecturing. So instead, you enter the bathroom and you place your toothbrush on a small shelf under the mirror. You walk up to Mattia and hug him from behind, closing your eyes. “You’re half a century of wisdom…”

He takes a deep breath in and let’s the air out in a deep sigh. “I’m almost done.”

“No rush.” He’s warm, but you’re warmer since you just woke up.

“I’m sorry that I left you alone in bed.”

“It’s okay. I’m not alone.” You press your cheek to the hollow between his shoulder blades. “I love you.”

Oh, shit. You didn’t intend to say it out loud! Your heart starts beating faster. What are you stressing about? It’s the truth, after all!

As he turns to face you, you feel a strong blush growing on your cheeks. Just like in the past, when all his thoughts were still a mystery.

He wipes his face and puts the towel away. Only now you notice that his hair is still dishevelled. It makes him look cute.

Did he even hear you? Maybe you didn’t say anything.

Mattia takes the glasses off your head and puts them next to your toothbrush. “Come here.” He opens his arms.

You slip into his embrace, clinging tightly to his chest. You feel warm, so very warm. You’re anxious to hear his words, desperate to know the thoughts that are running through his head.

He’s divorced. Maybe “I love you” lost its meaning to him? Maybe he’s doesn’t believe in these words anymore?

Mattia leans away to look you in the eye. A small wrinkle appears between his eyebrows. “I love you too,” he finally says, confirming it with a kiss so perfect that you simply cannot doubt his words.

He loves you. You can feel it in the loving tenderness of his lips. In the adoring touch of his hand on your cheek. In the earnestness of his stare. It’s not just a confession. It’s a decision. And you will repeat it everyday to make sure it stays true forever.

Mattia kisses you on the forehead. “Are you very hungry?”

“Why?”

“If not, I’d like to take a shower first.”

“I need to brush my teeth and then, if you want, I’d be happy to join you.”

He doesn’t need to reply, his eyes say everything.

“I hope you’re not expecting any acrobatics, because it’s quite slippery inside and I’m not… an acrobat.”

You pout. “Who do you think I am?”

Mattia shows you one of his most beautiful smiles. “I’m just saying.”

“You’re humble bragging.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re trying to act like you’re not aware of your… skills.”

“I can always do better.”

“God, please, improve slowly, because I need time to adapt.”

He leans to kiss you on the cheek. “I’m flattered.”

Good.

You reach for your toothbrush, watching Mattia’s reflection in the mirror as he bends down to get rid of the boxer shorts. You’re ready to look away as soon as he turns; you don’t want to get caught at staring. But he doesn’t turn. He slides the shower door open and gets inside the cabin.

Using Mattia’s paste, you start brushing your teeth.

Mattia closes the cabin and turn the water on.

Hurry up! Brush, brush, brush. You don’t want him to start scrubbing himself without you!

You spit out the minty foam. Not the best teeth brushing of your life, but sometimes you have to make compromises.

You get rid of the shirt and slippers before approaching the cabin. You open it and join Mattia inside.

Mattia looks at you, his jaw dropping… Looks like he’s still trying to set a pleasant water temperature. He didn’t even get wet.

“Good morning, sir. How may I assist you?” you joke, closing the door behind you.

Mattia chews on his lip, checking your body once again. “Is the water okay?”

“Perfect.” You look around.

“Not much room for two people.”

“You said no acrobatics, so what do you need room for now?”

He closes his eyes, smiling and shaking his head. That’s his “oh, please” reaction.

As the temperature and the humidity in the cabin rises, you grab a bottle of shower gel.

Mattia makes a step toward the shower head, the water streams down his shoulders, his chest, his stomach, his underbelly and his long legs…

“I’ll wash my hair tomorrow,” he says.

“Okay.” You step closer to him, your toes nearly touching. The water washes down your breasts, belly and thighs… Pleasantly hot, but not too hot…

All right then. You have the gel, let’s get to work. Especially since he’s waiting so patiently.

You squeeze a handful onto your palm before spreading it over Mattia’s shoulders and chest. It has a nice manly scent that would’ve turned you on, if you weren’t already turned on by the fact that there’s an actual manly man inside the cabin with you.

You squeeze out more, moving your hands along Mattia’s collar bones. The gel can slowly drip down his torso, the chest hair will slow down the process while you… you will be washing him, starting from his sensitive neck.

Once your hands start to lather the gel on his skin, Mattia’s breathing gets deeper. You look him in the eye. No, don’t let him distract you; you have a job to do.

You wash his shoulders, his arms. You don’t protest when he rinses his armpits himself. The thick foam is dripping down his sides to his narrow hips.

Your gaze keeps shifting down… His manhood is drawing your attention like a magnet. It’s impressive even when it’s not erect. Reddened by hot water… You admire the contrast between the dark pubic hair and Mattia’s pale thighs.

After reaching for the gel again, you spread a handful on Mattia’s belly. As you’re slowly washing it, your hand keeps shifting south. The black curls are helping with the frothing… you gently stroke them with the tips of your fingers, fascinated how this simple touch influences Mattia’s breathing.

Feeling his hand on your shoulder, you look up. His palm moves to the nape of your neck before he pulls you gently closer. His lips meet with yours. His kisses are always mind-blowing.

When Mattia shifts toward you, the water washes the foam off his underbelly.

You break the kiss and reach for the gel, while Mattia’s patiently waiting again.

You squeeze another portion onto your palm before wrapping your gelled-up fingers around Mattia’s semi-erection. The shaky sigh he lets out, makes you shiver.

This body part right here requires a thorough rubbing… Even though it’s already clean.

You start moving your hand up and down his length, slowly and gently as if you were actually washing it. You can feel your body swell inside as well… You’d love to have him there, but… there will be time for that later. Now you just want to watch him grow and harden in your hand. You want to listen to your king’s breathing…

As you tighten the grip, a weird noise escapes Mattia’s lips.

You look up. “What?”

Your man just shakes his head.

“I thought you were laughing.”

He grimaces. “Keep going, love.” He surely knows how to motivate people.

As your hand movements accelerate, Mattia reaches out to hold onto a handrail next to him.

Yes, this tempo should do the trick.

Your gaze darting from the throbbing hardness in your hand to Mattia’s face, you keep working on his pleasure. When he tilts his head back, you are sure the sweet finale is already near.

Hearing his throaty moan, you feel intense tingling between your legs. It doesn’t matter now. Only he matters. Ignoring a slight pain in your wrist, you keep jerking your hand.

His second moan is louder, and it ignites fire in your underbelly.

Mattia gasps sharply before going still… His come squirts onto your hand, just to be rinsed off by the stream of warm water. Your vision blurs as an overwhelming pleasure erupts in your body. You hastily slide a hand between your legs to hold onto it…

So nice… so very… very… nice…

“Did you just… I haven’t touched you.”

Feeling slightly embarrassed, you immediately stop touching yourself.

Smiling at your shy reaction, Mattia replaces your hand with his.

A blissful smile appears on your face… His touch is always welcome. His fingers have magical powers. They attract the remaining sparkles of pleasure and don’t let them fade too quickly.

You feel amazing, just a little sleepy and sluggish. You barely notice Mattia grabbing the shower gel. And before you know, you’re all gelled-up and his hands are massaging you in slow, worshipping movements. He starts with your shoulders; then he moves to your breasts, you belly and your thighs. He doesn’t forget about your back and your bum…

“Pleasing you is so exciting,” you say, still hung up on what happened before he started washing you. “Seeing you come is enough to make me come as well.”

Mattia smiles. “Not a bad thing if you’re a woman.”

“It’s only with you… I used to have a problem to relax, with other men… not to mention getting aroused…”

“Yes, I remember.” The last chunk of foam goes down the drain. “I think we’re clean now,” Mattia says turning the water off.

Drying each other with towels is a lot of fun. You add many little kisses to it. Mattia keeps pressing the towel to your hard nipples.

“I’m hungry,” you say, hoping to draw his attention away from them.

Mattia looks up, his cheeks are still red. “Me too. Give me ten minutes and I’ll make you a nice omelette.”

“Could you hand me your shirt?” you ask when he’s pulling the boxer shorts up.

“I’ve put a lot of effort into this shower and now you want to put a dirty shirt on?”

“It’s not dirty.”

“It has absorbed a lot of sweat, believe me, before you took it off me yesterday.”

“I can’t walk around the house naked.”

“Why not?”

“Mattia Binotto, you are being inappropriate!”

He wraps a towel around your body. “There. You can go to the bedroom now and put on whatever you like. I’ll be in the kitchen downstairs.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you.” He looks deeply into your eyes.

You can’t read his thoughts, but you know what he’s thanking for.

* * *

You return to the bedroom, trying to remember the location of your phone. Well, it doesn’t matter. Jess doesn’t need your updates. Maybe Charles already joined her in your flat, using it as a hiding spot from his mom.

You put the underwear on before digging through your stuff to find a bathrobe. When you finally find it, you put it on, tying it carelessly in your waist, keeping a large part of the bra exposed.

You spend a while in the bathroom, trying to tame your hair. When you’re ready, you walk down the stairs. You find the kitchen and your master chef inside. He must have changed when you were in the bathroom, because now he has navy blue sweatpants, colourful socks and a grey t-shirt on.

“Please, take a seat. It’s almost ready.” He pulls the chair for you. After you sit down behind a small table, you lean back to enjoy the Mattia Binotto kitchen show.

“For a person who uses this place like a hotel, you seem to know your way around this kitchen,” you say after a while.

“I like experimenting with food.”

Mattia often gives the impression of a clumsy, chaotic person, because of his constant fidgeting and shuffling. But in reality, he’s very handy and precise. And he can crack an egg with just one hand. Well, it’s probably not that difficult if someone has such large hands.

A few minutes later you taste the omelette that he prepared. You have no idea what he added to it, but it tastes different than all the omelettes you’ve eaten before. You’re under the impression that this is what he is like every day. He doesn’t do “acrobatics”, but he can add a personal touch to the most ordinary things, turning them into something special.

As you’re enjoying the meal, Mattia starts a conversation and before you know it, you are telling him about your family. About your estranged father, your mother who found a new man with whom she now has two children. But he’s not a saint either. You tried to take care of your step-siblings, but the family of their father didn’t approve of your actions. They were always taking you for a snob, a high-and-mighty intellectual. Even though all you have is a master’s degree… You were clearly not welcome. Maybe because of your contempt for drinking. You can’t hide it even though you know that many people can enjoy alcohol without negative consequences.

It feels like you’re talking for hours. Mattia must be bored, so just in case you ask him about his life. And he doesn’t hesitate to tell you what his marriage looked like in its terminal stage. He tells you how the first hints about getting a promotion at Ferrari coincided with the most painful tensions in his family. He struggled with doubts. He wanted to make sure his desire to get promoted wasn’t just an escape from personal problems.

“Do you regret it?” you ask. “Becoming a Ferrari team principal.”

“No. I don’t. I just wish divorces weren’t that messy.”

You reach out to put a hand on his. “Good thing that both you and your ex-wife aren’t lonely.”

He grasps your fingers. “Yes, it took me a while. I didn’t even think it was possible.”

“Oh, come on! There must have been plenty of Angelica’s desperate for your attention.”

He looks down, smiling. “I guess I needed someone special,” his gaze moves up and as he keeps studying your face, you feel special indeed.

* * *

“Do you mind if I check my mail?” he asks when you’re cleaning after the breakfast together. “It’s a habit of mine and I won’t be able to relax if I don’t do it.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you say, taking a towel from his hand. “Go now, I can handle the dishes.”

“I’ll be in my office. If I don’t come back in a half an hour, feel free to yell at me.”

“As you wish.”

You need to open all the cupboards to find out where to put the plates, but once your job is done, you realize that you’ve been smiling since Mattia left.

He’s in his office, doing what he loves, knowing that you’re just a couple steps away. He’s not lonely anymore and that’s the biggest achievement of your life. But as happy as you are right now, you’re aware that it’s not always going to be easy. If it were easy, people wouldn’t get divorced.

After finding your phone you send a short message to Jess: “We’re both still alive. Have a nice day.”

“Charles says hi,” she messages you back.

You spend a couple of minutes walking from one room to another. You’re not nosy enough to start checking Mattia’s closets, but you can’t help but wonder: where’s my space in this house? Could I live here? Will he ask me to move in?

He said the house is like a hotel to him. You don’t want to live in a hotel. You want to travel with Mattia. You want to be close to him, all the time. Ready to comfort him, ready to love him, ready to help him whenever he needs you. You can only hope he shares your vision.

You spend a moment in the bathroom, realizing that despite being able to see a bit of your bra, Mattia was very restrained over breakfast. He wanted to enjoy the conversation. Surely at his age, he can control his sexual drive. Most of the time.

Maybe you should test him?

Is it half an hour already? You check the time signature on the message you sent to Jess. Yep, thirty minutes. Time to yell.

You untie the bathrobe, but you leave it on your shoulders. Before going back downstairs, you open the drawer with Mattia's stash of condoms, and you put a bunch of them into a pocket.

Please don’t leave the office, please don’t leave the office, you pray as you’re heading to the room you haven’t visited yet.

The door is slightly open. Feels like an invitation.

You peek into the room. The carpet looks soft… You feel an urge to put your bare feet on it, so you leave your slippers at the door.

“Is it half an hour already?” Mattia looks up from behind his laptop. He’s sitting at a large desk. But since he’s wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, he looks like a guy who’s just installing a new software.

“It is, but don’t mind me. I just wanted to see your workspace.” He takes the bait and focuses back on the screen.

There are solid, wooden bookshelves behind Mattia and opposite the desk. There’s a small table in the corner and two comfortable chairs. A collection of photographs on the wall draws your attention. Mattia with Michael… Mattia with Sebastian and Charles…

You catch Mattia throwing a furtive glance at you. You pretend not to notice. You put a hand into the pocket and when you are pulling it out, you make sure a couple of condoms fall out and land on the carpet. You pretend not to notice that either.

You walk up to a bookshelf to check Mattia’s collection. “It’s a bit hot in here,” you say, letting the bathrobe slide off your shoulders and down your body.

That’s it. Mattia knows your true intentions now. When you turn, you see him laid-back in the chair, a full grin on his face.

“That’s better than yelling,” you say, feeling a bit awkward to be standing in the middle of his office in just underwear. You don’t know what to do with your hands.

“Much better, I agree… I have something for you.” He closes the laptop. “Come here,” he points at the floor next to his chair.

Wait a second! You were supposed to tease him, not the other way around!

As you approach, he opens a drawer in the desk. Turns out it’s full of candy.

Ah, okay. It’s just a joke. You still have the initiative.

“You have a bit of a sweet tooth, don’t you?”

He picks a hard candy in golden wrapping. “This one’s my favourite,” he says, handing it to you.

You look him in the eye. He’s just goofing around. You can see in his eyes that he’s not thinking about candy right now.

You accept the sweet offering, his warm fingertips brushing against yours. He’s probably expecting you to eat it in front of him. But you drop it on the floor, keeping eye contact. “Oops… I’m so clumsy.”

Wise man. Doesn’t move to pick it up.

“Could you move the chair.”

The goofy grin disappears from his face. He presses his lips together, moving far enough to make room for you…

You drop to your knees, pretending to look for the candy even though it’s in a different spot and he can clearly see it.

The carpet’s soft under your knees. “I hope I’m not interrupting your important work,” you say, putting a hand on his thigh.

You see him swallow. He still has his glasses on; that’s good, he deserves an HD vision. “It’s not that important.”

Okay, now… Are you sure you know what you’re doing? It’s the first time you’re kneeling in front of a man. Looks like you don’t need experience to get him excited, because the bulge in his sweatpants is already noticeable. You rest your hand on it, your fingertips gingerly stroking the fabric.

“Your underwear is lovely,” he says, his voice already thick with arousal.

You look up, wanting to thank him, but instead you smirk. “Are you okay, mister Binotto? Your face is a bit red.”

To your surprise, he gets flustered to a point of not knowing what to say.

“Too much sugar, I suppose,” you conclude, grasping the fabric in his waist. He lifts his hips to let you pull his sweatpants and his underwear down.

Your mouth fills with saliva at the sight. You don’t know why your body is reacting this way. Maybe you’re simply getting wet everywhere…

Mattia leans back with a sweet sigh, resting his huge palms on the armrests before moving them to his hips and back to the armrests again. He just can’t sit still.

His hips are narrow, leaving you enough space in the chair to rest your elbows… In case you wanted to lean down, but… he’s already so huge and he’s not even fully hard yet. There’s no way to do it the way you’ve seen it done when watching porn. At least it’s not possible for you. But then you’re sure he’s not expecting anything crazy from you.

You pleasured him with your hand in the shower. You can do it again. But it would be a real shame to waste all the saliva that just keeps gathering in your mouth…

You have no shower gel to use as lube, but that’s okay. What you want to do is to gently caress him until he’s fully hard.

When you finally close your fingers around his length and you start sliding your hand up and down, a grimace appears on his face.

Mattia closes his eyes, his lips parting. He’s enjoying the sensation. Perfect time to surprise him.

Keeping the strokes calm and steady, you lick your lips and lean down. You want to taste him with your tongue first.

The moment you do, he gasps. “Oh… honey…” He touches your face, his eyes wide open.

His reaction pleases you. The salty taste on your tongue fascinates you. You’re amazed by how comfortable you are. You close your eyes and work your head up and down, taking a half of his length in while working on the base with your hand.

Every time you glance at him, he gasps as if the eye contact was intensifying the experience. A mix of pre-cum and saliva creates the most efficient lube.

When he starts fidgeting, you want to pick up the pace, but he cups your jaw. “That’s enough…”

You straighten your back; his intimate taste lingers on your tongue.

“Can you hand me a condom?”

“Yes.”

He helps you get up from your knees and while you go to grab one of the condoms that you ‘accidentally’ dropped on the carpet, Mattia picks the golden-wrapped candy up, unwraps it and tosses it into his mouth.

With an amused smile, you hand him the condom. As he’s putting it on, you take your panties off. It still feels surreal. Like something that could only happen in your dreams.

Last night was the best night of your life. And now it’s followed by the best day. Yesterday you weren’t as “active” as Mattia. He took care of you and took it upon himself to make you as happy as possible. But today you have all these chances to pay him back! You told him you love him first, you took care of him in the shower, you kneeled in front of him and now you will sit on his lap and use your body to help him reach the stars.

“You ready?” he asks, as you approach him.

“For you? Always.”

He can trust your judgement.

There’s enough room for your knees next to Mattia’s hips. Mattia shifts to the edge of the chair, holding his erection with one hand and helping you with the other. From a kneeling position, you slowly lower yourself, taking him in. Slowly. It’s as intense as it was last night. You pause for a moment, putting your hands on Mattia’s shoulders.

There’s sweat on his forehead, the glasses are sliding down his nose. He takes them off. “Could you…”

“Sure.” As you’re focused on placing them on the desk, far enough so that you wouldn’t damage them by accident, Mattia sneakily undoes your bra.

Instead of moving your hips down, you go slightly up. 

Mattia welcomes your move with a grunt, his mouth closing on your nipple in an almost hungry manner. He’s still eating the hard candy; you can feel it against your skin.

The thoughts you are having are baffling and almost funny. Nipples. Why are they so fascinating? They didn’t evolve for pleasure. Their job is to nourish, to keep a child alive. Mattia seems very alive… You cuddle his head to your chest, playing with his silky curls…

This is it. There’s more to it than just sex. You want to be his source of strength, positivity, happiness. You want to nourish him with love.

He sucks on your nipple, making you grimace and right before the pleasure is about to turn into pain, he lets go and his lips are gentle again.

You start rocking your hips, knowing that’s the only way to draw his attention away from your boobs.

It’s working. He looks up, his lips seeking yours. He kisses you deeply, and when he pulls away from the kiss, the candy is in your mouth.

Mattia leans comfortably back, resting his hands on your hips. He wants to watch, no surprise there.

The candy is delicious indeed… You keep working your hips, taking him deeper into your body with each move.

Feels good to be able to control everything. The angle, the depth, the pace… You’re using him to your own pleasure. He wants you to use him while he’s enjoying the view. His eyes are moving from your face, to your breasts, your belly and hips.

The position is comfortable and very stimulating. You discover a perfect angle almost immediately and you force yourself to stay away from it, because you don’t want to come too quickly.

“How’s your self-control today?” you ask Mattia.

“Better,” he says. He’s not panting. He seems alert. If it weren’t for the throbbing hardness inside you and his red nose and ears, you would’ve called him too calm.

“Good.”

He bites his lip, smiling, his eyes shift back to your body. His “nervous” hands are on the move again, long fingers studying the curves of your body. And just as he delicately touches your neck, you pick up the pace, shifting your hips just a little, to feel him rubbing against that sensitive spot that you know will make you come in a minute.

You crush what’s left of the candy between your teeth, grimacing at the growing tension.

His hands clench on your hips; he tries to counter your movements, pushing up when you sink down.

You never had this thought before, but you wish there was a large mirror next to you. You finally feel confident in your own body and you’re sure you both look beautiful when making love… His body and yours, joined and rocking in a passionate duet.

You're breathing hard, the tempo is bringing sweat to your skin. The chair stars squeaking with your movements. It sounds stimulating, but there’s also the thought at the back of your head that you might end up on the floor.

Mattia lets out a throaty moan. “This is crazy…”

Not crazy enough. You start working your hips faster. In sync with your shallow breaths.

This… is… it… You… must… come… Yes… come… now… come… now… come… come… come…

You moan loudly, your mind blanking for a couple of seconds. You lose the rhythm, but Mattia’s still holding onto your hips, pushing in three more times before inhaling sharply…

Aren’t we perfect for each other?

He climaxes, staring at your belly and your heavy breasts, swaying to the rhythm of your languid post-orgasmic movements.

Crazy… He was right…

You notice the sweaty stains on his t-shirt, his fingers shaking as he runs his hands up and down your hips.

Making eye contact, you finally stop moving. There’s only that intense pulse inside you and in your chest. Almost as if you had two hearts.

You recover quickly, Mattia needs more time. You remain silent, looking at him and smiling with love, waiting for his breathing to slow down. Enjoying the sensation of still having him inside.

“That was… intense,” he says after a while. “Watching you move…” he glances at your belly. “We need to do it again. Soon. Maybe better in bed, because I couldn’t stop worrying about the chair.”

You smile, reaching out to touch his face. “Yeah… it crossed my mind too.”

He sits up, taking you in his arms, his lips finding yours. You kiss gently, caressing each other’s necks and cheeks.

“So… what do you want to do now?” you ask, rubbing Mattia’s nose with yours.

It takes him a while to reply. “I think I need a nap.”


	11. Young again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to wake Mattia up from the nap and enjoy the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all my readers and fellow Binoholics for expressing your love and appreciation for this fic and for Mattia, here and on my blog. Your feedback keeps me motivated!

You wake up from the nap, slightly surprised because you didn’t think you’d fall asleep.

You’re naked in Mattia’s bed. He’s sleeping next to you; the air coming through his big nose is making a subtle sound.

Is it afternoon already? Mattia surely didn’t have much time for naps during the racing season.

You study his face. Does he need more rest or is he secretly hoping to get back to Maranello as soon as possible? Or at least to his home office?

When he's sleeping, the wrinkles on his forehead are less visible. He has pretty eyelashes.

You keep staring at him, trying to process your luck. Mattia Binotto loves you. How is this even possible?

You reach out to touch his curls, delicately, because you don’t want to disturb his sleep. In your imagination, you are kissing his neck and shoulders… The memories come back to your mind. His lips around your nipple…

Ah, he better wakes up already!

You shift in the bed to press your lips to his forehead.

As he opens his eyes, he groans with annoyance. “What does an old man have to do to get some rest in this house?”

“Since when are you such a lazy ass?”

“How did you call me?”

“Lazy ass…” you whisper, straight to his ear.

Mattia leans away. “It might come as a surprise to someone as young as you, but old people need more time to rest.”

You roll your eyes. “Are we back to counting penalty points?”

Mattia smiles at the ceiling.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” you say. “You’re not lazy, I know that. If you want to continue napping…”

“I was just teasing you.”

“I know, but you were right anyway,” you admit. “You’re always right.”

Mattia rolls onto his side, his stare shifting to the duvet on your chest. “It’s not that hard to be right after you’ve experienced so many things. And old people usually have a lot of experience.”

“Would you stop using that word?”

“Why?” Mattia shifts closer to you, but since you’re pretending to be annoyed and you turn your face away from him, his kiss lands on your temple, close to your ear.

“I already told you why.”

“Are you counting my penalty points?”

“I will, if you don’t stop.”

“I feel so old today. Like… we almost had too much fun for my old bones.”

“Mattia!”

“Old… old… old… as time…”

Your eyes go wide. “What are you doing?”

Mattia puts on an innocent smile and yet something in his gaze makes your skin prickle with heat. “Do you think that I deserve punishment?”

You open your mouth; it suddenly got dry. You don’t know what to say.

“Because I’m in a mood for some… thorough... redemption.”

You close your eyes, taking a deep breath in; he doesn’t need to see your dilating pupils. “What have you done…” you moan in protest.

Mattia frowns. “What? I’m just politely asking for your consent.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “Now I will get horny every time I hear the word old.”

Mattia’s smile turns into a triumphant one. “Good to know that you’re getting horny. Can I redeem myself then?”

“Yes…” you half whisper; you can’t talk normally anymore. You can’t smile, you can’t think. Your body is getting hot and heavy with anticipation.

“Thank you, my judge and jury.” Mattia gives you a delicate kiss on the lips before pulling on the duvet to slowly expose your boobs. Like he’s doing a show for himself.

Pressing his lips to your neck, he moves down your sternum. He takes his time nuzzling and kissing the skin between your breasts before moving south again.

Oh, how he adores your body. It’s not just because he finds it attractive. It’s because it belongs to you, the woman he loves.

He pushes the duvet off your hips. You’re on your back, uncovered, thinking about a similar moment last night. You’re even more tense than yesterday; you know what’s coming and you’re dying for it.

“Could you shift over here?” he asks, getting out from the bed to kneel next to it.

You scoot your hips to rest across the bed, feeling a strong throbbing between your legs, as you bend your knees and spread your thighs as wide as you can.

Mattia doesn’t move until you make eye contact. Whatever he’s able to see in your eyes, it brings a sweet smile to his lips.

Propped on your elbows, you watch him getting to work.

His lips are fiercely red as he wets them, glancing at you again. “You want a pillow? Or two?”

“Yeah…” You could get it without his help, but since he offered… With two pillows under your head, you don’t have to lift yourself to see what Mattia is doing. Watching him will no doubt add an extra spice to the experience.

Just chill… don’t shake… try not to panic…

Making a lot of noise while coming is more than justified, but you’re far from an orgasm, and yet… the second Mattia’s tongue tastes your wetness, you can’t stop yourself from moaning.

His tongue is so perfect. Perfectly soft, but also precise when he wants… Perfectly warm and slick… His deep breathing is warming up your sensitive flesh…

With a sigh of delight, you close your eyes and tilt your head back, trying to relax as much as you can. You’re quite calm, but only until Mattia closes his lips on the lust-swollen folds of your skin and gives you a gentle suck.

A long, shaky moan escapes your lips, your hips go up.

Mattia lifts his head, his eyes examining your body as if he was looking for another spot to suck on. But he decides to use his fingertips instead and starts a gentle, circular massage. “Do you like my mouth or my fingers better?”

“Both,” you answer without hesitation.

He smiles, leaning down again. You can feel your wetness growing… You imagine his tongue gathering fresh droplets of desire produced by your body.

You recall the moment when you noticed that every time you see Mattia’s erection, you start drooling like crazy. Maybe it’s similar for him?

Mattia’s caressing you with his lips before giving you a good suck again, his saliva’s dripping down your skin straight onto his long finger that slowly slides inside…

“Oooh… Fuck…” You arch your back; your hips start moving without your will.

Mattia follows your rhythm, adding another finger.

Breathing heavily, you clench your fingers on the sheet… Mattia’s tongue and his long fingers inside you are simultaneously lifting you up to seventh heaven.

You’re almost sure that his fingers are deliberately slow. They reach far, pause for a second before slowly sliding out. He said, “thorough redemption”. He knows how to keep you on edge.

He props himself on an elbow and takes his time, staring at his fingers, changing the angle from time to time and watching your reactions.

You realize that at this point he probably knows your body better than you know it yourself. Not a problem. He can be an expert on your body. A specialist and a connoisseur.

“You look gorgeous,” he says and without breaking eye contact he dives down to tickle you with the tip of his tongue. Very precisely and energetically… his tongue is shifting, a millimetre after another, and when he sees your whole body tense up, he knows he found the right spot. And… he starts torturing you there…

Sharp is the most accurate description of the sensation. The tension is growing in your underbelly, like an avalanche.

You moan loudly, grimacing and reaching out to touch Mattia’s hair. To your displeasure, he stops and lifts his head.

“You liked that.” It’s not a question, but an observation. “I’ll be back there in a minute…” he adds, turning his focus to his fingers; they’re not slow anymore.

“Or now… please…” you say, your throat tight. You’re not far from coming, but you want your orgasm to be sharp. Only Mattia’s tongue can do the trick.

“As you wish…” The fingers slow down, Mattia’s tongue quickly returns to the focal point, so sensitive and swollen that even the most delicate flick of Mattia’s tongue makes your entire body twitch.

“Oh my God…” you put your fingers into Mattia’s hair, gently rocking your hips and loving the way he immediately synchronizes his hand movement with it.

But his tongue is… something else… it’s fast and lively…

Don’t pull on his hair, be careful, don’t move his head… he’s exactly where he needs to be… Yes, right there…

You let out a desperate cry of bliss, as an explosion of pleasure rips through your body. It feels like the best orgasm of your life, but to be fair the previous ones felt equally astounding.

Mattia keeps doing the thing, watching you come… Does your taste change when you feel so, so good? Does it become sweeter? More intense? Probably not. One thing is certain, you don’t need any lube. Your body’s just a natural lube factory.

“I love… love it so much…” you purr, your hips still swaying while Mattia gives you a few final licks, gentle, tongue-wide, as if you were his favourite ice cream.

“Yes, I know,” he says, sitting up.

You smile at him, your cheeks smarting. “Thank you.”

“I was just trying to redeem myself…”

You can’t even roll your eyes… You clumsily shift to your place on the bed, the world is unfocused, but you can still see, as Mattia sits on the bed, that he has a solid erection in those sweatpants…

“Now what?” you ask him.

“Now we keep making love,” he says, reaching to a drawer.

God, yes!

A while later the weight of Mattia’s body is pinning you down to the mattress. He’s pushing in slowly, letting the just-emptied vessel inside you to fill with tingling pleasure again.

At some point he starts kissing your lips, forgetting about your hips… but it’s not entirely true, because it’s impossible to forget about them. You can only try to focus on something else. Mattia’s kisses are deep and hot… His tongue gives you exactly what you need, not only when it’s moving between your legs.

When Mattia decides to take a break from kissing, he props himself on an elbow and focuses on his hips again, picking up the pace. He keeps staring at your face, he loves seeing your grimaces… It must be satisfying to see how good he’s doing… what his size is doing to you…

“I love you,” he whispers before kissing your nose.

“I love you too…” you reply, kissing his lips, but as you move your lips away, you grasp his bottom lip with your teeth and pull on it gently, and at the same time you tense your inner muscles as hard as you can.

“Oh… you…” he fixes his position, changing the angle and the speed of thrusts.

You cross your ankles on his butt, pushing your hips up when he pushes in. “Yes… that’s great… go faster…”

Your breathing turns into panting. You can feel the tension growing inside you. He can feel it too, he knows what’s up, because he can hear you, your little moans… He can see your grimaces…

Not long after a wave of orgasmic pleasure hits you, you can hear Mattia’s sharp gasp.

You look straight into his eyes; he seems to seek eye contact too. You’re both getting addicted to watch each other’s bliss…

When the fire dies down, Mattia buries his face in your shoulder. Just like the first time.

“You’re the best lover in the world,” you whisper, playing with the short, sweaty hair at the back of his head. “Even if… I’m not an expert on lovers…”

Mattia bursts out laughing, which is a curious experience with him still inside you. “I’m pretty satisfied with myself, I must say…” he admits, grimacing a little when pulling out.

“You should be.” When he rests on his back next to you, you shift closer to touch the curls on his forehead. “We both look like we need a shower again.”

He laughs once more, grasping your hand and pressing it to his lips. “I’m glad you’re pleased with me, but… the truth is that you’re amazing too. And… easy to love.”

“You mean I’m horny all the time?”

“No… well, yes, you’re always in the right mood. But I was talking about something else. The way you move… Your hips are always, always moving… And I love how you often give me tips.”

“I do?”

“Yes, you know. This is good, keep doing this… and so on.”

“Ah, okay.” You wouldn’t call them tips; it’s usually your desperation to come talking. “I don’t think you need tips to be honest.”

“I still appreciate them.” He leans to kiss you and then shifts to take the condom off. “Should we go out and eat something or… stay home and cook some pasta instead?”

“I don’t feel like showering and putting clothes on,” you admit, stretching like a cat which immediately attracts Mattia’s gaze to your boobs.

“I won’t let you cook naked, though,” he says.

“Because you’d get too distracted?”

“Because of sharp objects and boiling water.”

“Find me an apron then.”

He nods. “That’s a good idea.”

* * *

The apron is navy blue and there’s “caution dad cooking” written on it.

You’ve put panties on, just in case; you’d feel stupid butt-naked during a serious conversation. For now, Mattia is focused on preparing food. Occasionally peeking at your side-boob.

You both have favourite recipes, but there’s a limited number of ingredients in Mattia’s fridge, so you’re trying to come up with a new idea.

He grimaces when you grab the largest knife from his collection.

“I can handle it.”

“Okay…”

“Just don’t stare.”

He turns to do something else, but he’s still peeking and making you nervous. When you’re done with the chopping, you feel actual relief.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are you still in touch with your ex-wife?”

“Yes. It improved after I met you, actually,” he admits, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Do you know her new husband?”

“I do. He’s our… old neighbour, Stefano.”

You cringe. “That must have been awkward.”

Mattia sighs. “It hurt, when my son told me that his mum started dating our neighbour right after the divorce. But I guess she was free to do whatever she liked.”

“Do you like him?” You almost feel bad for asking these questions, but you have a feeling that Mattia needs to talk some stuff through as well.

“We used to be friends when his wife was still alive. She died of cancer three years ago. I think… I neglected Sabina because of my work so she and Stefano both felt lonely.” He looks up and studies your face for a moment. “I know what you’re thinking. You think that she was a bad wife. And that she cheated on me with our neighbour. But… I was cheating on her with my work for years. Instead of slowing down, I was working more and more.”

“She didn’t want to travel with you?”

“No, no. She has her own professional career. Also… she was taking care of our children. She’s still taking care of our daughter.”

You nod. “I understand. But… just to let you know, I don’t mind travelling. My job is not that important.”

You see Mattia’s face light up. He approaches you and gives you a hug. “I was hoping you’d say that. I would hate not seeing you for weeks.”

“I’d hate that too,” you say, closing your eyes and breathing in Mattia’s scent. You need his closeness to feel happy and safe.

* * *

When you’re enjoying the meal, Mattia goes back to the topic of family. “I assume you have no plans to visit your family over Christmas,” he says, reaching for water.

You shake your head. “I always call my mom and we have a long chat, but that’s all.”

“I want to see my children,” he says, avoiding eye contact; he seems stressed. “Last year Sabina invited me for a dinner the day after Christmas. Stefano wasn’t present which was a nice gesture. I think she’ll invite me again. This year, I wouldn’t mind seeing her new husband. I’d love to take you with me, but…”

“It’s too soon.”

He looks up to check your face and make sure you are not hurt or disappointed.

“Do they even know about us?” you ask.

He shrugs his shoulders. “Not from me. If they do. I’m sure the topic will come up during the dinner.”

“Do your children get along with Stefano?”

“I think they do.”

“Maybe that will help them accept me sooner.”

“I’m sure they will accept you very quickly.”

You grimace, staring at your fork. “I appreciate your optimism, but… the age gap might create some issues. I assume Stefano isn’t twenty five.”

“No… he’s slightly older than me.”

“Exactly.”

You eat in silence for a while.

“I’m sure we will spend next Christmas together. You and me, Stefano and Sabina and your children,” you say touching Mattia’s hand. “Don’t worry about me. It’s just one day. I’ll think of something exciting to welcome you back when you return.”

“Thank you,” Mattia says; there’s tranquillity and peace in his eyes again.

“Can I change the subject?”

“Sure.”

“Have you even noticed that I have no bra on?”

“I’m a disciplined man!”

“I can see that.”

He chews for a moment with a smile on his face. “It’s the apron, ha-ha,” he confesses. “It saved me from drooling.”

* * *

When you are cleaning the dishes together, you sneeze.

“You cold?” Mattia asks.

“No, I just rinsed my hands in cold water.”

“You better go upstairs and at least put a bathrobe on. And socks.”

“I can’t believe you want me to put more clothes on…”

Mattia approaches you with a sigh. His lips brush your forehead. “Don’t worry. I’ll take them off you again, but only after I warm you up.”

Biting your lip at this pleasant prospect, you look up to meet his eyes. “I’ll take you up on that. By the way… I noticed you have a nice fireplace in the living room on the first floor. Maybe we could spend some time there?”

“You want me to light the fire?”

“Yes, that would be romantic. I’d feel cosy and warm for sure.”

“You want to watch a movie?” Mattia’s smile grows bigger as you start shaking your head.

* * *

A while later, you meet in the living room. You don’t have any socks on, but you put a bathrobe on, just as Mattia wanted. You’ve put a new set of underwear, it’s red and not as innocent as the one you were wearing in the morning.

The fire is already burning, filling the room with a warm glow.

When you enter, Mattia turns the main light on.

“That’s too bright,” you say.

“Why? You don’t want to see my wrinkles?”

You just cross your arms and stare at him.

“I was joking. I’m sorry.”

“Aren’t you the cutest?” you suddenly feel emotional. You jump straight into Mattia’s arms and cling to his long body. “I have a sense of humour, you know?”

He hugs you tightly. “I know. You like pretending to be angry with me, and I know that you’re just pretending, but I can’t help myself and I just… have to appease you.”

“There will be a day when you will say no to something I want, and we’ll have an argument.”

“I said no to you when you invited me to your flat after the ball and… you didn’t argue.”

“It was a painful experience.”

“I’m sorry.”

“But you were right. We were both tired. And it was the right decision.”

Mattia takes you by the hand. “Let’s cuddle on the couch.”

You look at the fireplace. “That beige rug looks so soft and fluffy… How about we add a duvet and some pillows. We can sleep there!”

Mattia grimaces.

“You’re going to say no. What a coincidence!”

“My old bones don’t like sleeping on the floor. I’m not teasing you… I need a soft mattress to fall asleep.”

You pull Mattia’s hand to your cheek. “Can we at least have sex on that rug?”

You see a change in his expression. His old bones need comfort, but his desire is doing quick calculations.

“I don’t know. The couch would be more comfortable, and it’s right there.”

“Yes, but the rug…” You look at the fireplace again. “How about, you take your clothes off,” you turn back to Mattia with a sparkle in your eye. “You relax comfortably on the pillows and let me take care of the rest?”

“The rest?” His pupils are growing; your words are clearly speaking to his imagination.

“You think it won’t be too much for your old bones?” you tease him, getting on the tips of your toes.

“Lying on my back and letting the most beautiful woman in the world do the rest? I think I can handle that.”

Yes! You thank him with a kiss on the lips. “You want to keep your glasses on?”

You can already sense a change in his breathing. Your body is warming up quickly as well and it’s not just because of the fire burning next to you.

“You tell me.”

“Keep them. For now. Give me a second to get some pillows from the bedroom.”

“I’ll go get some… condoms.”

“No need, my pockets are full,” you pat the bathrobe on your hips.

* * *

“Could you dim the light a bit more?”

“Sure. Should I turn some music on?” he asks, after you stare at the pillows arranged on the fluffy rug next to the fireplace.

He seems nervous. Probably trying not to look too impatient to begin.

“No… I’m going to play on you tonight, my love,” you whisper, closing the distance between you. “And I need silence to hear if I'm hitting the right notes.”

You pull his shirt over his head; he needs to hold on to the glasses while you’re taking it off.

“Take your time.”

“Oh, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

He fixes the glasses, his ears are already getting red.

You grasp his hand and lead him closer to the fireplace.

“Sit down.”

Once he sits on the rug, you reach to his sweatpants; he helps you take them off. And the boxer shorts underneath.

You need to swallow. Of course. It’s amazing what the sheer anticipation of your “care” did to his body.

“Before we begin, I have a request,” you say, putting his clothes away.

He needs to clear his throat before he can speak. “Okay.”

“I’m not sure how to put it, but... don’t try to last. Surrender to me.”

“You want to check my recovery time?”

“Well… now that you mentioned it…”

“You have no idea how hot you are.” 

That’s probably true.

“I need a bit of control.”

“A little, fine. Just don’t worry about it too much.”

“Okay.” He smiles, you smile back.

LIFE IS AWESOME!

You are already dancing in your head, because you can’t wait to take the bathrobe off!

But first, you need to make sure that Mattia is comfortable. And that there’s enough working space for you on the rug. There’s a lot of working space on Mattia, that’s for sure. The shade of his skin seems warmer. The flames are reflecting in his glasses. You can’t see his pupils, but you know that his eyes are burning too. Burning with desire.

After fixing the pillow under his head, you lean down to brush his lips with yours.

“How can a human being smell so good?” he whispers, pulling you to another kiss.

You realize that you sweated a little under that bathrobe. Time to take it off.

You get up to take a spot where the fire illuminates your entire body.

Mattia rests a hand on his thigh, his thumb slowly moving up and down his pale skin.

You untie the bathrobe, keeping an eye on Mattia’s reactions.

He opens his mouth as if he suddenly needed more air. Then he closes it and presses his lips in a thin line, but when they part again, they are as intensely red as your underwear. Blood seems to be filling some larger parts of his body too.

“I love red…” he says.

“It’s a colour of passion,” you add, dropping the bathrobe on the carpet. “And I’m very passionate about you.” You walk up and you kneel next to Mattia. When he extends his hand, you take it and press it to your cheek.

His lips are all you want right now. But since he’s lying on his back you need to bend down to him.

He’s submissive. Doesn’t try to take the initiative. Doesn’t try to pull you closer, his hand is patiently waiting in yours. Waiting for you to put it somewhere. Waiting for you to let him touch you.

But this evening you will be touching him. Not the other way around. It’s not as selfless as it might seem since you know that he’ll return the favour as soon as possible.

“Are you comfortable?”

He licks his lips, as if he were already missing yours. “I’m in heaven.”

You gently caress his hair. “It’s not heaven yet. I’ll show you real heaven.” And as you say it, you take his semi-erection in your hand.

You see his chest expand as he inhales, closing his eyes. Your strokes gentle and slow, you lean down to press your lips to Mattia’s neck. You smile with satisfaction hearing his quiet sigh. You would be worried if he didn’t make a sound.

Taking your time, you press gentle and sometimes harder kisses to his neck, while your hand keeps moving up and down, up and down.

Hard to say if he’s trying to slow things down. What matters is that soon enough he’s fully hard and your bored of swallowing your own saliva.

You leave his neck in peace, thrilled with the red marks left by your lips. You shift to his hips, nuzzling the hair on his chest and ravelling in the way his breathing is getting faster.

He knows. He wants it. He can’t wait.

You kneel between his knees and you bend down…

“Just… don’t burn your sweet bottom…” he says, looking at the fireplace.

“It’s okay.”

Such a tense moment and he’s still thinking about your safety. How could anyone be so perfect? He deserves all the love… He deserves this… every day… every night…

His taste on your tongue gives you such immense pleasure… Maybe it’s a returning wave of bliss that he’s experiencing right now?

You close your eyes and take him an inch deeper. You’d love to swallow more, but there’s a clear limit of what feels comfortable.

That’s okay. He’s already in heaven… You tickle him with the tip of your tongue, looking up to see his reaction. It’s the most satisfying view in the world. That little wrinkle between his eyebrows. His lips, getting dry no matter how often he licks them. His ribs and belly going up and down with his heavy breathing.

The first little moan you hear, encourages you to add some hand action to the mix. He touches your hair in response. That’s an obvious cue.

Feeling the wetness increasing between your legs, you consider touching yourself, but you decide against it. It would only distract you.

Maybe it’s the right time to become more energetic. Subtlety is not going to make him come.

Luckily, his throbbing length is now slick enough to effortlessly slide a hand up and down, as fast as you want. When you glance up, you see an intense grimace on his face.

He grasps your chin and pushes your head up. Taking a sharp breath in, he reaches to his erection, trying to cover you from his come. He’s almost successful…

You feel warm liquid on your chin. He can’t see it for now. His eyes are closed, he’s breathing in short, rapid gasps.

His come-stained fingers close around yours. To lead you, to show you that he still desires your touch.

When he opens his eyes, you smile at him, but he responds with a frown. “Oh, I’m sorry…”

“For what?”

“There’s a box of tissues in the drawer under the TV. Could you grab it?”

You don’t comment, because he seems genuinely concerned. You go to the drawer; you remember to open it with the less sticky hand. You grab the box, Mattia is already reaching out for it.

He grabs a few tissues and wipes his hands first before snatching another tissue and turning to you.

You let him clean your chin, noticing a frown of discomfort on his face.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind…”

Mattia shakes his head. “Everywhere, just not the face…” he says quietly. “It feels… disrespectful.”

The idea of come dripping from your nose or… God forbid getting some in your eye, is not very attractive indeed. You would probably still enjoy it if it worked for him, but since he’s not a fan, you don’t feel like changing his mind.

“Don’t even mention swallowing,” he adds. Funny, because you were just thinking about it. “That’s too much to swallow. Call me old-fashioned or… boring… but…”

You stop him from talking, by grasping his chin and giving him a delicate kiss. “I like your taste, though… Is that a bad thing?”

He’s quiet for a moment. Finally, he shakes his head. “No, I don’t mind that. I love… your mouth and your tongue.”

Old-fashioned. Boring. Doesn’t want to come in your mouth or on your face, because that’s disrespectful… Here’s a man whose idea of sex is clearly not influenced by porn.

You caress his red cheeks with both hands, love filling you up like a warm air fills up a balloon. “Did you get embarrassed?”

“No… well… a little.”

“I love you.” His lips are still dry, but very hot. “By the way,” you lean away to look him in the eye. “The recovery time test starts now.”

“I’m sorry if I ruined the mood.”

“You want to check my mood?” Turns out he’s still holding a wet tissue. You take it from his hand and add it to the pile on the floor before grasping his wrist. You shift your hips closer to him and press his palm to the wet fabric in your crotch.

The expression on his face changes immediately. Looks like you’ve managed to distract him from that cute embarrassment.

The touch of his fingertips is electric even through the fabric. You lift yourself to a kneeling position and reach behind your back to undo your bra. Mattia sits up, and quickly removes his glasses; his hand is shaking when he stretches his arm to put them on the table. So transparent… so hungry…

You take the bra off and drop it on the carpet, before lifting your arms to fix your hair. Because you know the gesture will make your boobs look amazing.

“You’re a goddess…” Mattia whispers, taking your hand and pulling you closer.

You feel his lips on your neck. He grabs you by the waist and gently pushes up. Up, up… until your nipples are at the right level.

He said he likes you mouth and your tongue. You like his as well. No matter where they are on your body.

You thought you would make him hard again all by yourself. Without him lifting a finger. But that was just selfish. Loving you is more arousing to him than just watching. Smelling you, tasting your, hearing your sighs.

You grab his hand and shove it between your legs again.

Come on, Mattia. Take the hint…

Your hard nipple slides out from his mouth with a wet sound as he leans away and looks down.

When reaches to your panties and pulls them down, you feel tickling in your underbelly. He got it…

A bit clumsily, you take the panties off, trying to hide how desperate you are to continue. But he knows… you know he knows, because he has that little smile…Meanwhile your face is dead serious. You’re the hungry one now. Hungry for his touch.

Pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, he gives you what you’re craving for.

“That’s a… good mood…” he whispers, feeling your wetness with his fingers.

He keeps gently massaging your swollen flesh with his fingertips while his lips return to sucking on your nipple. When you feel his finger sliding in, you grab his wrist.

“No, stay there…” you lead his fingers back to your pleasure point. “There… yes…” you hiss with delight. “Yes… that’s perfect.”

He removes his hand, making you a bit disoriented. But it turns out he just decided to make a good use of his saliva… You feel a touch of cold when he carefully spreads it on your skin before resuming the massage. And it feels so much better… so, so much…

He’s still very much interested in your nipples, but when you start making more noise, he focuses all his attention on his hand. You showed him the spot, all he must guess is the pressure and the pace… And he’s pretty good at guessing. When you’re close to coming, he gives it all, forgetting about finesse or gentleness. What you need now is some solid rubbing… When you start squirming, he grabs your hip with his strong hand to keep you steady. Determined. Unyielding.

You come, shaking and wishing he was inside you. It’s not the strongest orgasm of your life. You’re not surprised, you can pleasure yourself like this when you are alone. It would be a waste of Mattia’s assets if his fingertips could do a better job than his cock. Or his tongue. Or his long fingers.

The good news is… there’s enough fire still burning inside you to come again in a minute.

“You can stop the clock…”

You blink, trying to collect your thoughts. Mattia’s face is still red, but this time it’s not embarrassment. You look down, following his gaze. “That was quick,” you say.

“It was?”

No time for talking now. You lean to the side, reaching to your bathrobe.

“Will you tell me to lie on my back again?”

“Yes. Just… put this on.” You hand Mattia a condom.

Everything inside you is just aching for him.

“Here you go… have at it… take care of the rest,” Mattia smirks, resting comfortably on his back and putting his hands under his head.

“Okay, you’re making me nervous…”

He keeps staring at you. Not sure if you’re joking. “You want me to help you?”

You nod and he immediately changes his approach. You don’t even know if you were joking or not. You probably would’ve handled everything without any trouble, but… there’s something extremely attractive in the way he cares about your comfort. And maybe you just needed to feel it again.

He sits up. “No rush, we have time.”

You like having him close. This is still an intense experience, because he’s so huge. And you like feeling his breathing on your face and hear his little gasps of pleasure close to your ear. You like feeling his gaze on your face whenever you grimace, seeking eye contact to make sure you’re okay.

“Thank you,” you whisper, sitting comfortably in his lap. You shift slightly forward, knowing there’s more to take. “You can lie down now.”

He kisses your forehead and leans back, but he keeps his hands on your hips.

The moment you start to move your hips, you’re almost shocked by the intensity of pleasure. You keep forgetting… You need to take a few deep breaths.

“You all right?”

“Yes… I’m just… trying to pace myself.”

“Don’t.”

“I wanted to give you a nice show, but…” you look down at your joined bodies. “I can feel you up to here…” You point at your belly. “And when I move my hips… I just… see stars…”

“That’s the show I want to see, honey…” he caresses your hips with his fingertips. “Come on, get wild…”

You close your eyes and you start rocking your hips again. The stimulation is so intense, your breathing gets shaky. And your movements as well. You force yourself to keep it slow, avoiding Mattia’s gaze but catching it by accident…

“My goddess…” He whispers. His eyes are filled with such adoration, you feel touched to your core and the odd insecurities and fears that were keeping you from just doing whatever you want are gone now.

You fix your position, straighten your back and start moving faster. Your bouncing breasts are annoying, so you squeeze them hard…

“God…” Mattia groans, pushing his hips up.

Yes, you can feel the spark of bliss. Deep inside, you need to chase it… you need to catch it and turn it into a supernova.

You lean forward, resting your hands on Mattia’s shoulders. Looking deep into his eyes, you keep working your hips fast… getting out of breath, your skin slick with sweat…

Little moans keep escaping you… bigger moans after a while…

“Fuck… fuck… fuck…” you almost have it. You squeeze your eyes shot, working your muscles for those few final trusts…

And then you’re finally in paradise, so high, so blessed, so happy you want to laugh. The noises you are making sound like crying.

Your moves slow down to a sluggish, dream-like tempo before you stop completely. Your mind is foggy, you blink to clear your vision. Mattia is smiling. And only then you realize that he’s still rock-hard inside you.

“You were supposed to surrender…”

“You’ll thank me later.”

You owe him many thanks for this day already…

He sits up, taking you in his arms and starts kissing you. You didn’t kiss much this evening, but it looks like he wants to fix this negligence.

Is he testing your recovery time now?

You open your mouth wider, inviting his tongue in. He's such a good kisser!

“I’ll make you come again,” he whispers straight into your mouth.

You have on objections.

“But first I want you to turn around.” His eyes are watching you.

You’re sure your pupils just grew bigger because your head is spinning with arousal.

“Okay…” You lift your hips, his hardness slips out, and you discover that the throbbing sensation is your own body. You’re just insatiable…

You turn around to face the fire.

“Closer to me.”

He doesn’t want you to burn your face.

“Bend forward…”

You get on your hands and knees. The fire’s blinding you, hot like the growing flame inside you.

How does he know exactly what to do to turn you on like this?

You recall how exposed you felt in the bed when he asked you to spread you legs last night. Now you’re experiencing a similar type of exposure. You don’t know if it’s going to work. He’s a tall man and your hips are not on the same level as his…

“We might need some pillows,” he says.

You would burst out laughing if you weren’t so horny. “The couch. Let’s go there.”

You get up too quickly and you get a bit dizzy, but Mattia is already close to help you to the couch. You kneel on it, sticking your rear out…

You feel Mattia’s thighs press against your butt. “Not perfect…” he sighs, but you’re not going to give up. It must be perfect. For him, for you. You look around.

“Wait…” You shift to put one knee on the arm rest at the end of the couch.

“That’s… not going to be comfortable for you.”

“Give me a pillow.” You stuff it under your other knee. “I’m very comfortable… come on… let's do this…” He can hear the urgency in your voice.

Let me feel it. Let me know if it’s as mind blowing as I want it to be.

He pushes in fast, with no extra warning, knocking the air out of your lungs.

“Fuuuuck…”

“You good?”

“Ye.…” you can’t speak, the experience is just too raw.

Forget about love making. That’s fucking. Thankfully you’re as wet as you can be, and Mattia can slide easily in and out. He’s standing on his feet, holding onto your hips, making sure you don’t fall from the couch. And… thankfully so, because he’s pushing hard.

You’re biting your lip, to keep yourself from moaning. You can feel the tension growing inside you rapidly: a wave on the horizon coming to crash against the shore of your senses. Not a wave. A fucking tsunami.

Suddenly, he slows down and you can catch a breath. He pulls you up by your arms, straightening your back and embracing you from behind.

“This is perfect…” you sigh, hearing his deep breathing right behind your ear. His palms are sweaty, but so is your belly. He keeps pushing in and out slowly, while gently squeezing your breasts. You close your eyes, melting. Close to an orgasm but keeping a distance from the tipping point. Waiting, enjoying the anticipation, building up the tension…

You hear his breathing get shaky and ragged… Your man is struggling to resist his lust. You’re not surprised, this position is extremely stimulating for you as well. It must be the angle, the spot his throbbing hardness is rubbing against…

You bend forward, pushing Mattia’s hands onto your hips. He increases the pace immediately, as if it was exactly what he was hoping for.

A loud moan comes out of your mouth again, you prop yourself against the back of the couch, trying to move your hips to counter the thrusts, but the pleasure is just too searing, it’s blanking your mind, buzzing in your every nerve… Multidimensional, hot, deep, long, wide, sharp and heavy…

Fucking tsunami.

You come with a loud scream, begging for something you can’t name.

Your knees are buckling under you, but Mattia is holding you steady. A couple more thrusts and he comes too, and judging by the sound, it’s a big one for him as well.

Good. Very, very good.

You collapse on the couch, trembling and making little whimpering noises. You can’t see shit, you don’t even know where you are… your body is burning, your nerves are overstimulated, even the fabric of the couch against your skin feels too intense…

“Angel…” Mattia sounds concerned.

You open your eyes, blinking to focus your vision.

Mattia is kneeling in front of the couch. Words escape you… But you make eye contact, and he immediately relaxes.

“Let me check if I didn’t damage anything.” His voice is warm and soothing.

Keeping your eyes open seems too much of a hustle. You feel Mattia’s hands gently pushing your legs apart… He’s on his knees, bowing down to you…

You want to stop him, because everything is too intense and you’re not sure you can handle more stimulation right now, but you still don’t know how to speak… And that turns out for the better, because he’s so gentle…

He was just fucking you from behind… you were on your knees, in a subordinate position. Dominated by him… and now, as if to reverse the roles, he’s on his knees… delicate and subtle, like a perfect servant. Like a loving, dedicated worshipper.

His warm tongue helps you land from this turbulent flight… Land softly, slowly…

You keep feeling his gaze on your face. And when your breathing is finally calm and your vision clear, he gives you a couple close-mouthed kisses and picks himself up to sit next to you.

“Old-fashioned and boring… my ass…” you mutter, putting your best pout on.

“What?” he grasps your hand, shifting closer.

“How could you say that you are boring… and then do something like… that… I shouldn’t have trusted you…”

Mattia laughs, making it very hard to stay in character and pretend to be annoyed with him.

“I didn’t know I had it in me.”

“Sure…”

“I didn’t. I swear…”

You look at his face. He’s radiating happiness, and so full of confidence. But it’s not something he takes for granted. A newly discovered confidence that makes him even more attractive.

“Mattia…”

“Yes?”

“Hold me, please.”

A few second later you’re in his loving arms.

“You make me feel young again,” he confesses, cuddling you to his chest.

You feel drunk on happiness. The luckiest woman in the world.

“You want to go to bed?” he asks after a while.

“Yes.”

He helps you get up and holds you by the hand, making sure you don’t trip… Because you’re still high on him, and very drowsy.

Once you’re in bed, he covers you with a duvet. “I’ll be right with you,” he says and leaves the bedroom.

You don’t want to fall asleep before he comes back, but it’s hard, because you’re really exhausted.

While he, a fifty-year-old, is still up and… doing stuff, whatever he’s doing…

It feels like a long time, but you know that when you are falling asleep, time seems to stretch. The important thing is that he is finally back.

“I missed you…” you snuggle up to him once he takes the spot next to you in bed.

“I missed you too.” He kisses your hair, pulling your hips closer.

“How late is it?”

“I… don’t know. I didn’t check.”

“Are you going to get up early again?”

“Probably…”

“Will you wake me up? You could check your email and I’ll make breakfast.”

“That sounds good.”

“Did you have fun today?”

Mattia clears his throat. “I thought you wanted to sleep.”

“I do, but I like hearing your voice when I’m drowsy…”

He is silent for a moment. “It was a glorious day.”

“An excellent day…”

“Yes, but you know what? The sooner we fall asleep, the sooner we wake up.”

“You’re so wise,” you add with a smile. “Good night, then.”

He kisses your temple. “Good night.”


	12. Gold-digger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing says "Christmas" more than sitting alone in your flat and having a period. Mattia is gone, visiting his family. While you are going through an emotional roller-coaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I already mentioned on my blog, I'm changing Sabina's husband's name to Stefano, because Marco is already taken by Mattia's son. Sorry for that oversight. Other than that, I want to send my best wishes to all the Binoholics, old and new. Looks like our cute little fandom is growing. It's still cute and little though.

You’re sitting in your living room, in front of a laptop, eating ice cream and watching YouTube. You can’t even say if you’re happy or sad, probably both. Since you’re on your period, you’re even more emotionally confused.

You love ice cream, so this part is good. There’s always something entertaining on YouTube, but you can’t focus on videos. Your mind keeps drifting to what happened in the last couple of days. Starting from the afternoon when you and Mattia went gift shopping.

You were supposed to help him choose something for his children, but at the end of the day, you relied on his choice, because you don’t even know them. He was going to get his ex-wife and her new husband, Stefano, a bottle of a French wine. Turned out, Mattia is a wine connoisseur and he has a pretty big wine collection in his basement. He looked shocked when you asked him if you could see it.

“I’ve never seen you having wine,” you started the conversation.

“It makes me lazy, and I couldn’t afford that after becoming team principal. So, I started to limit myself. And after our conversation at the ball, I decided to stop drinking at all,” he said, but he still seemed fond and proud of his collection.

You felt strange when he made that confession. On one hand, you felt grateful and privileged, because he chose your comfort over one of his passions. But on the other hand, you hate alcohol because of your father. And even if your relationship with Mattia is still young, you already know that he is the exact opposite of your father.

Whatever characteristic your father was lacking, Mattia has in abundance. Maybe your preferences are that much different from your mother’s, or… maybe she just made a poor choice, while you got lucky? She ended up with a primitive alcoholic, while you’re sleeping with a disciplined, hard working man, who has the patience and the calmness of an angel. Whatever life throws at him, he will face it and try to deal with it with dignity. Unlike your father.

Mattia doesn’t need alcohol to “forget” or to feel better about himself. Or to numb his senses, because life is too hard. No, Mattia is different. He loves challenges, he’s used to them. He’s used to stress. He understands failure. He knows how important it is to keep trying, to keep working on yourself, to keep pushing forward. He’s an optimist, a man who’s satisfied with his achievements, even if there’s still something missing in his life when it comes to work.

He’s 50 years old and loves French wine. If he was going to get addicted to alcohol, it would have happened a long time ago.

“I appreciate your sacrifice,” you said to him. “But it’s not necessary.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Yes, it is.” You shifted to the tips of your toes to wrap your arms around his neck. “I love you for being so considerate. But… alcohol is not the problem. It’s the people who can’t or shouldn’t drink.”

“I don’t need it.”

“All right, but if you start missing wine at some point, don’t worry about me. I don’t want to change who you are. I think you were already perfect before I met you.”

Mattia shook his head. “That’s not how relationships work. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices.”

You wanted to argue, but something in his eyes made you realize that it wasn’t necessary. You weren’t on the opposite sides. You were just clarifying your positions, giving each other a chance to adjust.

“I trust you; that’s all I wanted to say,” you conclude.

“I appreciate that.”

“I appreciate your decision as well.”

He wasn’t drinking yesterday, on Christmas day, but he took two bottles with him before leaving to visit his family. He said he will be back the next day around lunch time.

It’s already late; you’re trying to figure out what Mattia is doing right now. Eating something fancy? Enjoying a glass of wine? Is he missing you? Did he mention you to his family?

Your mind goes back to the gift shopping afternoon. Holding hands in public was exciting, even if some people were staring at you. But it’s possible that it had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with Mattia's job. He kept a slow pace while walking, keeping in mind that your legs are way shorter than his.

What you learned that day was that Mattia’s hands don’t get cold easily. Even if the weather is bad, he has huge loads of energy to heat up his gigantic body and he’s always ready to share it.

Buying a gift for him was a problem because he’s rich and you are not. The problem solved itself by accident, when you caught Mattia rummaging in one of the drawers in his bedroom. He was looking for a pair of socks.

“You’re picky.”

“You can’t even imagine. That’s just my boring collection.” Boring socks are mostly black and grey, with a few exceptions.

“Where’s the rest?”

He closed the drawer and opened the one below. “It’s almost empty. I don’t like when they are too worn out. Sabina used to get me a funny pair from time to time.”

“Maybe she’ll get you a new pair as a gift when you visit her?”

“I doubt that.”

You reached for a pair, wanting to feel the quality of the fabric. “I’ll get you a few pairs then.”

You wanted to surprise him with your choice, so you decided to shop online. But it wasn’t an easy task. There was a lot of funny socks to choose from, but the quality was not always the best. And Mattia’s size not always available.

You ordered four pairs: two with just colourful stripes, one blue with little foxes, and one pastel yellow with hard candy.

The price was high for socks, but still it wasn’t the most expensive gift in the world. And yet… Mattia had a laugh when he unpacked them.

He wanted to give you a Hublot watch, but you refused. You cringe at the memory. When he suggested a watch, you weren’t completely against it, even though you don’t wear watches. But then, out of curiosity, you checked the prizes of Hublot watches online and… it was just too much.

“The cheapest one costs more than Jess’ car,” you said to Mattia.

“You could use a car too,” he quickly changed the subject. “What type of a car would you like?”

You sighed. “You’re going to get socks from me, Mattia. Please, adjust your price range.”

He just smiled. “You’re giving me much more than socks.”

What a weird feeling… It must be the period because you feel confused and worried. You don’t want Mattia’s money, but you’re going to need it; because you can’t afford his lifestyle. He’ll have to pay for everything if he wants you to travel with him.

The idea of losing your independence is frightening, because of what you experienced as a child. The abuse your mom was willing to suffer because she desperately needed your father’s money…

You don’t know much about Mattia’s divorce; he’s probably still supporting his children, but is Sabina getting spousal support as well? You don’t feel entitled to his money; the opposite: there’s something inside you that struggles to accept it.

Your whole mind is revolting at the thought of being called a gold-digger.

You shake your head before clicking on another YouTube thumbnail even though you didn’t even register the topic of the previous clip.

Maybe Mattia was just being pragmatic when he asked you about the car?

The rest of the ice cream turned into liquid… The period cramps are getting stronger.

You knew you would get your period around Christmas. You politely informed Mattia, in case he had some plans. He didn’t seem disappointed. And though at first it felt like a drawback, because you hoped to have sex all day long (as much as you both could handle), having a day of cuddling, eating tasty food and watching TV together was a nice change.

You kissed a lot and Mattia made you come two times anyway. Without taking his pants off. When he was around, you barely felt the cramps.

It was a perfect Christmas day. Mattia’s gift for you was a pair of earrings that you’ve chosen together. Simple, but elegant. Not crazy expensive, but not cheap either. He fastened them on your ears himself and called you his queen.

The night was intense, in a non-erotic way. There was a storm of love raging inside your heart when you were resting next to Mattia, your head on his chest, trying to fall asleep, but wanting to be present at the same time. Because you felt loved and safe. Protected and secure. You felt beautiful and precious. With a true king next to you. A man who deserved only the best. A man who was still a bit of a mystery, but an exciting one. The things you didn’t know, they weren’t scary. You knew WHO he was in his heart, and the rest, his past, his small imperfections, they only made him more human and made you appreciate him more.

Your king. Your generous king.

You should’ve given him a crown for Christmas. Such a shame you didn’t think of it sooner.

Another reason to get irritated. Your mind immediately goes back to a different source of annoyance that you’ve encountered yesterday.

You always call your mom on Christmas day, but this year you decided to play it differently and wait for her to call you first. She didn’t.

It came up in a conversation with Mattia late in the evening; he was trying to be subtle, but you could feel that he didn’t approve of your “new approach”. He didn’t lecture you, he just said that it would be better to just call. You promised to do it the next day.

His kind heart and generosity were some of his best qualities, but when it comes to your family, those traits usually didn’t pay off. Your dad used your mom’s kindness to turn her into his slave. Her generosity helped him to get as many fresh starts as he wanted, but it never led to anything good.

After Mattia dropped you at your empty flat (Jess is spending Christmas in Monaco), and left to visit his family, you chose your mother’s number. She didn’t pick up. You tried calling her two more times before deciding to wait for her to call you back. When she finally did, it wasn’t a long conversation. It left a bitter taste in your mouth.

From the way your mom was avoiding the topic of her current relationship, you assumed that it wasn’t going well.

“I am seeing someone,” you confessed after a moment of silence.

“Good for you! Is he from Italy?”

“Yes, well, he’s Italian, but he was born in Switzerland,” you cleared your throat, wanting to address the elephant in the room straight away. “He’s a bit older than me.”

“Of course,” your mother almost interrupted you. “You always liked older boys.”

“Ehm… Actually, he’s much older than me.”

Your mother didn’t comment.

“He’s fifty,” you added, trying to imagine her face. Your mom’s current partner was probably around Mattia’s age.

“I’m not surprised,” she said. “You never had a good father figure in your life, since your dad was such a disaster…”

Her words made you angry. “Well, I didn’t choose my father. You did. And Mattia is not my daddy; he just happens to be older.”

“I was just trying to tell you that I understand your choice.”

“No, you don’t understand. You don’t know him. I’m not dating him because he’s old.”

“How can I know him, if the only thing you said so far is that he’s fifty? I would love to know more. I’m sure he’s a good man. So… what does he do for a living?”

Shit.

“He’s a… he’s working for Ferrari.”

“Ferrari? The car company?”

“Yes.”

That was all your mother learned about Mattia so far. You still get anxious recalling that conversation. You don’t know why you reacted the way you did. You are angry with yourself for being so unbalanced and unreasonable.

Gold-digger. That’s all they will see…

It’s the period. It’s making you overemotional.

You google “crowns”, deciding to buy a fake crown for Mattia for New Year’s Eve, because why not? The search distracts you until it’s already late. You go to take a shower; you brush your teeth. After taking more painkillers, you go to bed.

You keep tossing and turning, but you manage to doze off at some point.

* * *

You wake up in the middle of the night; your phone is ringing. Why would anyone call at this hour? A sinking feeling of panic sweeps over you. Something must have happened to Mattia...

When you discover that it really is Mattia calling, you get even more distressed. “Hello?”

“Sorry for waking you up, could you open the door?” he half-whispers.

Oh, he’s outside. Nothing happened to him. He’s outside!

You jump out the bed, darting to the door, nearly losing your balance on the way. Your heart is pounding with excitement, when you open the door.

Mattia’s wearing a grimace on his face. “I strained a muscle… in my shoulder,” he says quietly as you let him in. “I was reaching for something in the car and it just twisted the wrong way.”

“Oh… you poor thing. Let me help you with the coat.”

He still has the fancy clothes on that he had put on for the dinner with his family. You help him take the suit jacket off as well. The sleeves of his shirt are wrinkled as usual.

“I thought you’d stay at Sabina’s place for the night,” you say, already getting a bit high with his scent. “You didn’t drink?”

“No. I wanted to get back home. Do I smell bad?”

“You smell like someone I wouldn’t mind having sex with.”

He does that cute smile with his eyes closed. “That’s good, because I don’t feel like showering right now. I better lie down and rest. Let’s hope the pain goes away.”

You look at his shoulder. “Show me where it hurts.”

“Here.” It’s the muscle that goes from his right shoulder to his neck.

“Can I touch it?”

“Yes, actually, a bit of a massage might help,” he says, pressing the strained muscle with his left hand. “A hot compress would be nice too.”

When you first touch the aching spot, he grimaces.

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” he assures you, so you continue the massage.

His skin is hot under your fingers, almost too hot. You can’t stop yourself from pressing your lips to his shoulder, right where it hurts. “You want to lie down on the couch or in Jess’ bed?”

That little kiss makes him smile. “I’d prefer your bed.”

“But I’m using it.”

“I know.”

He looks at you like a starved puppy, pretending not to understand your concerns.

“It’s too small for two people.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re not exactly a small person. Also, I wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt you.”

“I didn’t drive here in pain to sleep alone.”

“All right, you win.” You kiss his skin again, wishing your kisses could take his suffering away. “I’ll go get the compress.”

You’re almost out of the room, when he calls you by your name. You stop and turn your head.

“Your hair looks fantastic, ha-ha.”

You touch your head; you can only imagine how dishevelled you are right now. “You can go to the bedroom if you want.”

He takes his glasses off before leaving them on the table in the living room. The sight make your skin tingle, reviving some steamy memories.

After microwaving the gel compress you go to the bedroom. Mattia’s sitting on your bed, yawning. He’s wearing only a pair of light blue boxer shorts. His belly is rounder, which means that he enjoyed the family dinner.

You hand him the compress. “Let’s see how much room there really is in this bed.”

You burst out laughing when he lies down, because he can’t even stretch his legs.

“It’s fine, just… you need to take the spot by the wall,” he suggest, because then you’ll sleep on his “healthy” side.

“You want some painkillers?”

He stifles another yawn. “I’ve already taken too many.”

You squeeze in between his long body and the wall. You’re not comfortable, but at least he’s next to you. You can already feel the bed getting warmer with his heat.

“Are you comfortable?” you ask.

“Yes…” He fixes the hot compress on his shoulder. “A little more massage in the morning and I’m sure I’ll be good as new.”

“More massage, okay.” You bit your lip, thinking of the ways you could make him feel better right now, but he presses a hand to his mouth and yawns again.

“I missed you,” you say, propping yourself on an elbow. “I had a strange day… Too much time to think.”

“I missed you too,” he makes a move to touch your cheek, but without thinking, he uses the aching arm. He grimaces and rests his hand on the duvet. “The dinner was fun. Turned out that I still like Stefano.”

“That’s nice to hear.” You lean forward to reach his lips, realizing that you haven’t kissed yet. His lips are the softest. “We’ll talk in the morning, okay?” You gently run your thumb across his cheek.

He smiles. “Yes, Auntie.”

Pretending to be irritated, you stretch your arm to switch the bedside lamp off.

“One more kiss,” he says.

“Only one?”

“Well, depends on how you measure it.”

You shift closer again, pressing your lips to his, surprised by the unexpected tease of his tongue. Just a tease. A reminder of his potential.

“Sleep well, my love,” you whisper.

“You too.”

You rest your head on his “healthy” shoulder, hoping he’s comfortable enough to get some rest.

* * *

A weird thump wakes you up. You open your eyes, confused. The bed next to you feels empty, but you can hear Mattia’s pained hiss coming from the floor.

“Mattia?” You quickly turn the light on, just to discover your man lying on the floor next to the bed. “Oh my God, what happened?” The grimace of pain on his face fills you with huge worry, but only until he starts to chuckle.

“I fell down.” He’s just lying on the floor, laughing.

“I told you the bed was too small.”

He just stares at you, chuckling. “I deserved it… I should probably sleep on the floor.”

Sighing, you sit up and extend a hand to him.

“I think I hurt my back,” he groans.

You sigh again, getting up from the bed and helping him to get onto his feet. He looks miserable.

“I’m sorry for waking you up again. I’ve ruined your night,” he says, wincing at the slightest movement.

“Did you get any sleep?” you ask.

“Not yet.”

“Mattia…” You are not annoyed with him, you are just… annoyed with yourself because you could’ve taken care of him better. And sooner.

You grab the pillow and put it on the other end of the bed. “You’re sleeping next to the wall now,” you say. “I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?”

“I have to pee.” You use the opportunity to change a tampon. You also grab a small towel, wet a part of it and return to Mattia who's already lying under the duvet.

“Maybe I should use Jess’ bed, as you said.”

“No, no. Stay where you are.” You sit down on the edge of the bed.

“What’s the towel for?”

“It’s just… to avoid stains.” You grab the duvet to uncover Mattia’s hips.

“Oh…” He gets serious, his breathing changing in an instant.

You put your hand on his belly, leaning closer to kiss his lips. “A little more massage and you’ll be good as new, just as you said,” you whisper. "Let's not wait for the morning though."

Kissing him with an ever-increasing passion, you slowly slide a hand into his boxer shorts.

You love how submissive he is. He kisses you back, obviously, but with a certain laziness. It’s possible that he’s just trying to avoid using neck muscles.

Whatever pain he’s feeling, you hope it will be gone soon. At least for a while. Your touch and your kisses are the best medicine you can apply.

You apply it to his lips, to his round chin, to his sensitive neck… You apply it to his chest, rubbing your cheek over his dark chest hair. Keeping your hand in his underwear, you press gentle kisses to his belly. His arousal is growing quickly now. Same as the amount of saliva in your mouth.

He takes a deep breath when you pull his erection out of his underwear. You can feel his stare on your face. You start to blush, but it’s not a blush of shame, it’s pure desire.

You take your time to work on his hardness with your hand. He closes his eyes when you’re doing that, but the second you lean down to taste him, he opens them wide and looks at you with a grimace on his face.

A moment later you take him in your mouth, your skin burning but in a pleasant way. It feels like a magical spell. The sound of Mattia’s shaky breathing is the most enjoyable. Your eyes closed, you keep moving your head up and down, up and down… adding a flick of the tongue when you feel like it…

When you feel Mattia’s fingers in your hair, you open your eyes and you look up. It’s fine. He’s just grateful. Not coming yet.

Back to the world of a salty delight. His first moan generates a strong reaction in your body. As always. His taste in your mouth intensifies. All you need now it to focus on your hand, increase the pace of the strokes and just be patient…

He grabs the towel, the grimace on his face is constant now. The tension in your body keeps growing as his breathing starts to get more ragged.

You think of asking him to touch you, before you remember about his injury. Not a problem, you can handle it on your own. This one time.

You barely touch yourself. Seeing him come is so arousing… Your orgasm isn’t mind blowing, but it’s still great. But the greatest thing is Mattia’s relieved sigh, the intense redness on his relaxed face and his drowsy eyes. He’s satisfied. He’s pleased. He shouldn’t have trouble falling asleep now.

He leaves the towel on his belly, closing his eyes. You pick it up, making sure to wipe all the stickiness off your fingers.

“I think I’ll still fit in this bed. Just scoot a bit more to the wall.” You want to create a barrier from your body between him and the edge of the bed. “I won’t let you fall again,” you add, sliding under the duvet.

He seems too sleepy to talk. He just pulls you closer to his chest. The sound of his beating heart lulls you into sleep.

* * *

The next day, you spend a good half an hour massaging his shoulder and neck, before microwaving the compress again. You probably kissed every inch of that shoulder already, but you keep doing it, because it makes him smile.

“I forgot to thank you before I fall asleep,” he says.

“You’re welcome.”

“So… when does your period end?”

“In a couple of days, I hope.”

“Don’t forget to tell me.”

“I’m sure you’ll know.”

* * *

“I called my mom yesterday,” you confess during breakfast. “But it was awkward. I wanted to tell her about you, but I only mentioned your age and she already tried to psychoanalyze me.”

“What do you mean?”

You just shake your head. “Daddy issues.”

Mattia smirks as if the topic was amusing to him. “Did you tell her about my job?”

You look down at your plate. “No.”

Mattia studies you with a little frown.

“I didn’t want her to think that you’re my sugar daddy.” The expression leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. “What about your family?” you ask, desperate to change the subject.

“I was looking for an opportunity to tell them about you since the dinner started,” he says reaching for a glass. “Sabina helped me when she said that I seem to be in a very good place compared to our last meeting. So, I just replied that I met someone and that it’s going quite well. She wanted to know more. I mentioned your name, and I explained briefly how we met.”

“What was their reaction?”

“It was…” he searches for the right word. “They were all happy for me, I’m sure if it. But it’s a new reality. A bit strange even. I was ready to show them your photo from the ball if anyone asked. Sabina wanted to see it when we were alone in the kitchen.”

“What did she say?”

“Guess.”

“Something about my age.”

Mattia smiles. “Obviously. She said that you look young, ha-ha. But it wasn’t judgemental. I took it as a compliment. She used to be in love with me too, after all. She understands your taste.”

“That’s nice,” you admit. “I’m glad and I can’t wait to meet her.”

“My children will probably need more time to get used to you, especially Chiara.”

“I understand.”

Mattia reaches for your hand. “Can we talk about the sugar daddy thing now?”

You nearly choke on your toast. “What’s to talk about?”

Mattia looks at you lovingly, his long thumb caressing your fingers. “Just tell your mom that I’m a rich old man. Older, I meant older. Unless you’re ashamed of it.”

“No, I…” You feel heat coming to your face. “I don’t love you for your age or your money.”

Mattia’s still smiling. “I know.”

“But… I don’t hate it either.”

“You don’t?” That fucking amused face… You should make him grimace again…

“I think your age is a bonus.”

“So, you don’t see it as something that’s giving me an advantage over you because I have more experience?”

“Of course not.”

“What about my money?”

You fell silent. He’s not joking anymore.

Mattia studies your face. “I make more money than I need,” he says. “I still support my children, mostly Chiara, but she’s not overspending. So, there’s plenty left. And I don’t see a better use of it than to share it with you.”

Okay, this sounds reasonable… Nice, even.

“Honey…” Mattia squeezes your hand. “I’m not an art collector. I don’t need expensive mansions or yachts. You are my treasure. You and my children, obviously.”

He doesn’t mention Sabina. She’s someone else’s treasure now. Stefano is taking care of her.

“I don’t have an excessive private life. But I like comfort, I like nice food. I have an expensive car and a few expensive watches.”

“And a collection of expensive wines,” you add. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. It’s your money, you can do with it whatever you want.”

“That’s true. And I want to share it with you.”

After a long moment of silence, you nod. It’s a surrender, but it feels sweet. “Just… please, remember that I’m not with you because of your money.”

“Why would you even say that?”

“Because that’s what people will think, right? That I’m a gold-digger.” Jesus Christ, he played it so nicely and now you ruined the mood again!

A wrinkle appears between his eyebrows. “It’s probably the same thing with you being young and hot. It’s a huge bonus, but it’s not the thing that made me fall in love with you.”

“So, what made you fall in love with me?”

“You. Ha-ha.”

“Same.” You get up from your chair, without letting go of his hand. You walk up to him and you sit in his lap. “I was wrong worrying about other people’s opinion. It’s what we think and what we want that matters.”

“Yes.” He touches your face, looking at your lips. “When you’re a public person, people will say mean things about you just out of spite. Or because they wish they were in your place; but not really because most people wouldn't want to cope with the pressure. It’s not personal, it’s just how it is. Better learn to ignore negative comments and avoid social media in general.”

“I’ll try…”

“Good.”

You feel his hand at the back of your neck. He wants a kiss. Now.

His lips taste of apricot jam.

“Can I take you home?” he asks after the kiss ends.

You just nod, ready to follow him to the edge of the world.


	13. I did something illegal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in the castle. Your period is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly smut, I hope you don't mind. :) Greetings to all the new Binoholics in town. Wishing everyone a great season.

Feeling an intense tingling in your belly, you press your ear to the door of Mattia’s home office. You take a while listening to make sure the conference call is over. He’s quiet, but you can hear him typing. He’s probably writing one of his famous thank you letters. Mattia knows how to make people feel appreciated.

He’s spent almost seven hours working behind the laptop today. You wouldn’t ever expect to be jealous of a laptop, but here you are. You keep imagining Mattia’s long fingers pressing the keys, stroking the touchpad…

Time to remind him of your presence. You smooth out the wrinkles on your dress. Your heart’s pounding, when you knock on the door.

“Come in. I’m sorry it’s taking so long. I need five more minutes,” he starts explaining the moment you open the door.

“Take as much time as you need, sweetie,” you say, trying to control the excitement in your voice. “I just wanted to let you know that… the coast is clear.”

He’s staring at you; no reaction.

It sounded funny in your head, but maybe he didn’t get it…

He looks down on his laptop. “That’s great. Thanks… Can you do me a favour?”

“Yes.”

He presses a couple of keys. “I’m in a mood for a dessert. Could you get me something sweet?”

You try to remember what’s in the fridge and what would he like the most.

“Something salty and sweet,” he adds.

You frown. “Like salted caramel?”

He’s still staring at the screen. Probably in a hurry to finish his work, because then he’ll be able to focus on you. Your period is over; a wide array of pleasant activities awaits!

“Something like that, but less intense,” he says, looking up, a playful smirk on his lips.

“Okay…” Your mind is blank. Maybe when you open the fridge, you’ll get inspired. You turn to leave the room.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“To prepare you a dessert.”

You look at him, and you notice a subtle blush on his cheeks.

Stupid… so stupid… He doesn’t want food!

“I think it’s ready to serve,” he says, his voice getting thicker. “Come in. And close the door.”

The commanding Mattia is back. You’re glad you put a dress on.

“Stand over there.” He points to the middle of the office.

You obediently follow his instructions, feeling warmth on your cheeks.

“Take your panties off.”

“What if I don’t have any panties on?”

He raises an eyebrow. You expect him to scold you for speaking without permission, but that’s not how he plays it this time. “Do you?”

Yes, you do… But that’s fine. You take your underwear off, feeling his intense stare. You leave the panties on the floor, before straightening up and fixing your dress.

His gaze moves from your hips to your face. He’s studying you for a long while. His stare is so intense, it starts to feel like a physical touch. But it’s not; the physical touch will be much, much better.

Mattia stands up from the chair; he’s gigantic. He grabs his laptop from the desk and puts it on a small coffee table next to it. You watch him, intrigued, as he removes all remaining objects that are lying on the desk. It takes a while, but with Mattia even waiting is a turn-on.

“Hop up,” he says, patting the emptied surface.

Ha! It’s my turn now, laptop!

Your hands cold, but your intimate parts hotter than the Sun, you approach your king, grasping the generous hand he extends to you.

You sit down on the desk, your mind getting hazy with Mattia’s closeness.

You’re both breathing in a very telling manner. Lust is taking over your bodies like an enchantment.

As Mattia steps closer, your hungry eyes immediately measure the distance from his hips to yours… Damn it, the desk is not high enough. It would probably be all right, if Mattia didn’t have such long legs.

“What are you looking at?” he asks, drawing your attention to his face.

You want to say something funny, but nothing comes to mind.

He’s towering over you… Tall and handsome. Unrivalled.

He looks you in the eye before reaching to your dress. He grabs the fabric on your hips and pulls up until you’re exposed up to your belly button. No underwear on, of course.

He licks his lips… You gasp at the sudden realization of his intentions.

The man just wants his dessert. He’s been craving it for the last six days, don’t deny him your salty sweetness.

He takes his glasses off, making you shiver all over. He comes closer and… kneels in front of you…

You can’t stop yourself from shaking. That’s how much you want him. You spread your thighs wide, welcoming his famished mouth…

Actually, no, his lips are delicate, adoring, subtle.

This is going to be a long, long session. You can tell by the brush of his lips and how he leans away to make you miss the feeling before giving it to you again. And again. Tirelessly.

“I missed this…” you whisper, leaning back. You prop yourself on your elbows; you can barely feel the hard surface of the desk, Mattia’s soft tongue is stealing your attention. The centre of the universe is between your legs, and this gigantic god of sex is creating stars, swirling new galaxies around, firing up supernovas, making your body expand and swell. And the more swollen you are, the more flesh there is for him to lick and pinch and stroke and suck and tickle.

Taking slow, deep breaths in, you enjoy the ride. He leans away every time you make a louder noise, giving you a moment to process and enjoy his caress longer and to yearn for more.

The dress is blocking your view, so you pull it further up, your sweaty fingers wrinkling the fabric.

You need to see his face… his long eyelashes, his eyelids quivering when he leans down. His forehead and his red nose are a bit shiny. Every time he leans away, he licks his lips and swallows… It really looks as if he was having a dessert.

He loves keeping eye contact when he uses the tip of his tongue; probing, searching for the right spot, watching you twitch and grimace when he finds it.

And then he closes his eyes and sucks… gently, for now.

Oh, his gorgeous hair… It would be a sin not to touch it. So silky and smooth between your fingers. The curls are soft and thick, the skin of Mattia’s scalp hot as you gently graze is with your fingernails.

Thank you, my love, your fingers are saying as you caress his hair. Thank you for being so generous… thank you for being so kind… thank you for adoring me… thank you for enjoying my taste… thank you… thank you… thank you…

Leisurely rocking your hips, you admire the way his soft tongue adjusts to your movements.

You’re breathing louder now, because the delight is getting extreme.

Mattia lets you moan a couple times before leaning away.

You look him in the eye and smile. No words necessary. He knows his skills are divine.

He bends down again, but this time he puts his fingers inside you. The index finger and the middle finger, you guess. The sensation is making your gasp.

The fingers glide deep in and stay there, barely moving, but there’s something about the pressure Mattia applies with his fingertips… Maybe he found your G-spot or maybe it’s his tongue flicking the pleasure nerve because you can’t help but groan.

He’s not stopping this time. Keeps doing what he’s doing, forcing a loud moan out of your throat.

“Oh, my God…” You wish you could hold on to something because the tsunami is on the horizon.

Trying not to pull on his hair, you hold your breath. Here it comes…

You express your bliss with a warm scream, because there’s no other way to handle this amount of pleasure.

“Oh god… oh god… oh god…” There’s no end to it! You’re burning, he’s slowly turning you into ashes.

You feel like laughing and you do. Giggling like an idiot, you’re trying to stop your hips from twitching.

Giving you little time to recover, Mattia gets up from his knees. His eyes are filled with joy kindled by your noisy show, but he doesn’t smile back.

“Sit up.”

You follow his command, clumsily, because you’re still drowsy from the thrilling orgasm. The fabric of your dress is clinging to your sweaty skin.

He steps closer, wraps his huge hands around your waist, helping you get down from the desk. It’s nice to be small in front of him. Almost in his arms, but not quite. He smells amazing.

You look up, curious about his next move. For now, it seems that he just wants to look in your eyes and see if you’re satisfied.

You lift your chin, with a delicate smile, hoping he’d kiss you, but he’s not moving. Maybe it’s time for you to take the initiative?

Looking down at the bulge on his crotch, you rich to the zipper, but he slaps you hand away.

You can barely keep a straight face. He likes to pretend that he doesn’t want you to touch him. But you now better.

You let your hands drop on your sides, like a good girl.

He finally makes a move. He grabs the fabric of your dress and pulls it up, taking it off over your head and messing your hair in the process. You lift your arms to fix it, noticing that he’s staring at your bra. You undo it, without much thought, before taking it off and dropping it on the floor.

Naked in front of him. Naked in his office. Naked and ready to serve.

He swallows hard, eyeing your body. “Get down,” his voice is thick with arousal. “On your knees,” he orders while unzipping his pants.

Oh God, yes, thank you. Finally. A chance to repay for his divine skills.

The second he pulls it out, your hands are all over it. You swallow him hungrily, taking him as deep into your mouth as you can. You’re so eager, so horny…

He lets out a low moan, putting a hand on your head. “No… stop.”

You move away immediately, your lips are tingling, his manly taste lingering on your tongue.

“You’re too good at this,” he confesses, caressing your hair. “Get up.”

“No, no… wait, please, give me a minute.” You’re on your knees, begging. “Just a minute, Mattia… please…”

You understand your mistake. You should’ve started slowly, the way he did when you spread your legs on the desk.

“Mattia, please…”

He’s not saying no, so… You gently grasp his erection again. You know what he needs.

It’s all about teasing. All about eye contact… All about the tender brushing of your lips, little kisses to the tip. You caress him with your hand, slowly, without tightening the grip. He’s getting harder, but there’s no risk of premature ejaculation. You’re just playing with him.

He gives you more than a minute, but, as usual, you get impatient. You want to hear him moan and the quickest way to do it, is to close your lips around the tip and to suck… gently…

Yes, he moans, but afterwards, he takes your toy away. “Get up.”

Clumsily, you get up from your knees.

Mattia steps closer. “Turn around.”

When you’re facing the desk, he stops right behind you and whispers straight into your ear. “I want you on your hands and knees on top of that desk.”

That desk… that fucking desk is on a perfect level. Who would’ve though! Well, Mattia did, maybe he wasn’t as focused while working as he should’ve been.

You follow his command, hearing him open a drawer.

The surface of the desk is not comfortable, your hands and knees don’t like it, but… your other body parts are already in seventh heaven.

Mattia is probably putting a condom on. You hope he took his clothes off because you’d hate if something was limiting his movements.

You’re waiting, impatiently, with your butt sticking out. Not embarrassed. Not shy. Not stressed. Just excited and horny.

You get startled when suddenly he grabs you by your hips, but he’s not pushing in yet. Playing the waiting game again, which is annoying but also very rewarding.

He caresses your inner thighs, before pushing your knees wider apart. Then your king’s loving hand checks the coast; the coast is soaking wet.

It’s been a while since he was inside you. His fingers are long, but they don’t compare to his erection.

He pushes in slowly. Making you gasp with pleasure and surprise. You already forgot, or maybe the angle is making it feel as if he was two times larger than you can recall.

Slowly, he’s pulling out and pushing in again, while your body keeps stretching and softening around him. For him.

You’re both taking slow, deep breaths, almost in sync. A bit shakily.

His movements are lazy, almost hesitant. Instead of picking up the pace, he’s slowing down. But you trust his skills. The man has so little time to spare in his life but so far, while making love to you, he’s not in a hurry.

“Sit up for a moment, my love” he whispers, pulling you up by your arms.

You change your position, shifting as close to the edge of the desk as possible. The angle’s good enough for him to stay inside. His arms close around you; turns out he still has a shirt on.

You can’t help but smile, feeling his lips on your neck. His large palms close on your boobs and squeeze.

You give yourself two minutes. Two minutes of being loved like this and you’re going to come. He doesn’t even need to move faster. It’s the hands and the lips and the cock combined. Triple stimulation that’s making you melt.

You grab him by the wrist, pushing his hand between your legs, leading him to a pulsating pleasure spot. He finds it effortlessly and starts stroking it gently, in the most perfect way.

That’s a quadruple stimulation… An overstimulation.

You’re starting to tremble, your hips twitching, but he’s not picking up the pace.

He’s holding you tight, holding you steady. It seems as if he just helped you climb on a very high mountain to gift you the most spectacular and liberating flight of your life, but he’s not letting you jump yet. Because that’s not the top of the mountain yet… He wants to take you higher.

“Do you want to come?” he whispers to your ear.

You close your eyes. How have you not come yet is a mystery. Maybe he really is a sex god and can control your body and deny you the pleasure. “Yes…”

“What’s the magic word?”

You open your eyes; you immediately know the answer. “Fuck me.”

He stops moving. You hoped he’d find it funny, but nobody is laughing. Yours and his breathing is the only sound you can hear.

“Please… fuck me… hard…”

He moves his hands away, leaving you with a sudden feeling of cold. But his hardness is still inside you as he pushes you onto your hands and knees again.

You’re not in a stable position yet, but he already grabs you by your hips…

You get what you wanted. You get what you deserve.

Your hands are sliding on the wooden surface. Mattia’s moving his hips faster and faster to the clapping sound of your hot bodies bumping against each other.

“Aaaah… faaa… fuuck…” You grimace hard, you don’t even try to counter his moves. Maybe one day… when you get used to it… if your body ever gets used to it…

The pace is wild. The angle is glorious, it helps him reach far.

He’s not going to last long, but that’s not a problem, because you’re already seeing stars.

You can’t even moan, because you’re out of breath. His breathing becomes ragged, he seems on a verge of coming too.

You cry out when the blissful wave explodes in your underbelly; the intensity is paralyzing.

Mattia pulls you by your elbow, forcing you to arch your back. Something happens in your body, your inner muscles tense, and your belly muscles, and your thigh muscles.

He pushes hard, making you gasp… how… the… hell…

You feel another orgasm building deep inside you. Deeper than before, in a place that you didn’t know existed.

You hardly register what’s going on behind you. Mattia is finally climaxing, but he’s quiet. You would think that your own orgasm has made you temporarily deaf, but you can hear your own moaning loud and clear.

“Fuuuuuck…” The rest sounds like incoherent wailing.

It’s a bit too much.

No, it’s not. He loves to hear you. How else would he know that you’re dying with pleasure?

He stays inside you until you’re quiet. Your arms are shaking, you won’t sustain your weight much longer.

After he pulls out, you collapse on the desk. You just want to lie down…

There’s so much wetness on your inner thighs that for a moment you’re terrified that you peed yourself… But no… there’s only smell of sex and sweat in the air.

You rest on your back, turning your head to find your master. He’s by the coffee table, getting rid of the condom.

When he approaches the desk with you lying on top of it like a sacred offering, you smile at him. The shirt he’s wearing is stained with sweat. His face is red, but yours most likely looks the same since you have red stains all over your body. On your knees, your inner thighs, between your breasts…

He rests a hand on the desk, close to your hips. And finally, he smiles back, making your heart leap with joy.

His eyes move from your face, along your neck, his gaze pausing on your boobs. He’s touching you with his stare, making you shiver and in consequence, making your nipples hard.

One of the best things about him is that he’s a master of the after-play. You can guess by the look on his face that he’s not done yet.

“I was sure I wasted too much money when I bought this desk,” he says, running a hand along the wooden edge. “But now I think it was worth every penny.”

You laugh, biting your lip. He looks at your face again before leaning down to gently kiss you lips.

“A bathtub would be great too…” you say when his mouth shifts to your neck.

“Yes,” he agrees before pressing a kiss to your collar bone.

“We could rest in it after having sex… and wash the sweat awaaaaaagh…” You tilt your head back feeling his warm lips around your nipple. He’s very gentle; he knows how oversensitive you are after sex. “Do you want to make me horny again?”

“You’re always horny.” He takes a moment to suck on your other nipple as well.

You roll your eyes. “Thanks…”

“Am I wrong?”

You purse your lips together and shake your head with a cheeky smile.

When he start kissing your belly, you fight an urge to spread your legs again. He already showed you so much love and adoration. You shouldn’t be that insatiable…

Yes, but…

It’s so pleasant.

He kisses your hip. “Want to take a shower?” he asks.

You think of the hot water and his long fingers slick with shower gel. “Yes!”

* * *

The shower turns into a steamy make out session, because you skipped kissing in Mattia’s office and that’s something you don’t want to miss.

You’re not the best at saving water… Lewis Hamilton would be disappointed.

You’re clinging to Mattia with your entire body, rubbing your belly against his crotch, hoping to make him hard again. But he needs a bit more time to recover today.

That’s all right. You will have sex again before going to sleep.

You reach for the shower gel to coat Mattia’s chest. He extends a hand; you hand him the bottle. When you’re both covered in foam, touching each other with serious faces and pretending that you’re just here to get clean, Mattia slides a hand between your legs.

You make a weird noise.

He freezes and looks at you. His warm fingers still down there, and you’re sure he can feel your quick pulse.

“What?” you ask.

Mattia gently massages your sensitive spot.

You make a noise again, but this time it’s not that weird.

“Aren’t you a hungry… hungry… hippo…” he whispers, pulling you closer.

You start kissing again, but you’re distracted by his fingertips, winding you up with patient circular motions.

He kisses the tip of your nose. “I love when you start shaking… it’s so hot…”

You look up, trying to focus your gaze. “How are you so good at this?” you whisper, shuddering again at the tension that he’s creating inside you with that simple touch.

“I love you…” His voice is warm and pleasant like the water trickling down your body.

You moan softly, pressing your forehead to his shoulder.

“Look at me,” he demands.

Your head is so heavy, but you must obey.

It’s not easy, but you do your best to keep eye contact when coming. The orgasm is less intense than the previous ones, but it’s awesome anyway, because you’re able to see Mattia’s smiling face. You’re warm and drowsy. You need a nap.

You finish the shower in complete silence. Mattia dries himself and you with a towel. He helps you put a silky bathrobe on before wrapping a towel around his hips.

He escorts you to the bed, lifting the duvet for you. The air feels cold, but you still get rid of the bathrobe before sliding under the covers. You notice him smirk at your decision.

“I’ll be right back,” he says before leaving the bedroom.

You listen closely, trying to figure out where he went. Sounds like downstairs. He’s soon back in the bathroom, because you can hear running water. Probably cleaning up after your shower… Picking up the towels, letting fresh air in…

He comes back to the bedroom naked.

“Brrr, I’m getting cold…” he says, rubbing his shoulders.

You lift the edge of the duvet. “Come to me, my lord. I’m warm.”

He slides under the duvet, shifting closer. “Oh, yes, very warm,” he sighs with content. “Can I take a nap in your arms?”

“Yes… of course…”

You’re not exactly certain what he means, but you soon find out as he cuddles to your chest, his damp hair tickling your neck.

You put an arm around him, pulling him closer. At first, you’re not sure if you’d be able to fall asleep, feeling his breath on your nipple, but… eventually, you both drift off.

* * *

“I’m hungry.”

Curious thing to say when staring at a female nipple.

“Yeah, me too,” you admit.

“Do you want to prepare something to eat or… clean the desk?” he asks.

You take a moment to think. He knows his way around the kitchen better. “You make the food while I’ll wipe my DNA off your desk,” you decide.

* * *

He prepared fusilli with zucchini pesto and salmon.

“You really think we can install a bathtub in the bathroom?” you ask when your meal is almost over.

“Sure, it’s big enough.” Mattia seems distracted. He was working on his laptop in the kitchen when you entered after you finished cleaning. You remember that you interrupted him in the afternoon when you knocked on the door to tell him that your period was over. Maybe he just wanted to complete his work.

“It was delicious,” you say after emptying your plate; Mattia’s a bit behind which is odd because usually he has great appetite after sex.

“Is everything all right?”

“Why?”

You study him; he looks cute when chewing food.

“Let me know if I’m boring.”

“You’re not boring. I’d love to take a bath with you, trust me. Although bathtubs can be slippery…”

You smile. “Before I forget…” you flick a strand of hair behind your ear. “Would you consider hanging a mirror in your office.”

Mattia stops chewing and looks at you with a strange expression on his face. He swallows down. “In my office? I was thinking, maybe, on the ceiling in the bedroom?”

“Oh… yes… that’s a good idea too!” You will have a nice view of his body when he’s on top of you. “Maybe… we could buy a large standing mirror and just position it in the office when…” Jesus, you’re blushing like a virgin now.

Mattia reaches for a napkin. “You want a better view, huh?” he says before wiping his lips.

“It’s just… curiosity…” You feel slight embarrassment, but it’s pleasant, because you’re pretty sure he’ll agree; he’s just teasing you.

“I did something illegal,” he says out of the blue.

Well, that’s unexpected…

You stare at him. He looks odd… he is serious, but…

“What?” you ask, wondering if you really want to know.

He reaches for a glass. You watch him drink.

Yes, it is a blush. The man is blushing too!

“Tell me.”

He fidgets in the chair. “I recorded a video of us having sex in my office without asking your permission.”

You open your mouth. Wow. No words. You are not angry… you are just stunned. And intrigued.

“I figured that if I tell you, it won’t be… natural.”

He’s staring at you, he seems stressed. He’s obviously worried that you’ll get mad.

Your mouth gets dry, so you reach for your glass.

“The laptop’s there. I haven’t watched it yet, I just… the file is on the desktop. You can delete it. There are no copies, I swear.”

You empty your glass, but you’re still thirsty.

“I’m sorry… I should’ve told you…”

Look at you, keeping a poker face for so long! You put your glass on the table and stand up from the chair.

You go to the laptop, open it and look at the screen. Yep, the file is there; he’s not lying.

“I’ll delete it,” you say, feeling heat on your face. “But only after we watch it together,” you look him in the eye and grin.

“You’re not mad,” he sighs with relief. “Thank God!”

You chuckle, grabbing the laptop. “I just asked you to put a mirror in your office because I wanted to watch us having sex, you silly idiot.” You give Mattia a nudge to the shoulder. “Make me some room.”

He moves his plate and glass. You can put the laptop on the table now.

He’s still moving his jaw, like there’s some food left in his mouth. His eyes are sparkling, when you sit in his lap.

“Thank you; you’re too good for me,” he whispers before kissing your neck, right under your ear.

Your finger hoovers over the touchpad. “What if it’s cringy?” You hesitate before moving your hand away.

“You want to watch it or not?” Mattia reaches to touch the pad himself.

You snuggle up to him. It’ll be fine. If it’s bad, you will look away…

“Okay, play it.”

The tension in the kitchen is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Mattia’s body is getting warmer; your skin is heating up as well.

The camera shows Mattia’s desk from the side; it must have been placed on the coffee table.

“Hop up,” Mattia says in a commanding voice.

You are still wearing the dress which soon Mattia will pull up to expose your hips…

You are watching in silence as he kneels in front of you and leans down.

Your heart starts beating faster. You had a better view live, but Mattia’s head between your legs is always a turn on. Not to mention that you still remember the feeling… you remember every little trick and technique he so skilfully used…

You can feel Mattia’s chest moving, his mouth is close to your ear and his breathing seems deeper than before. The man’s getting aroused. He takes the hand off the table and places it on your thigh.

On the screen the scene is heating up. You are touching Mattia’s hair. You can clearly see the moment when he lifted a hand to slide his long fingers inside you.

When you hear your own moan, you flinch, shaking your head.

“What?”

“I don’t like listening to my own voice…”

“It’s hot…” Mattia whispers to your ear, before kissing your neck again. “But I like it better live.”

You cringe even more when the moans get louder.

“Geez…” you snort, but the truth is that you’re getting wet.

You can pretend as much as you want, Mattia knows when you’re turned on.

As you both watch you climaxing for the first time, his hand moves from your thigh to your boob.

You need to take a deep breath in… so you inhale… it sounds so shaky you almost roll your eyes…

Okay, now he knows for sure that you are turned on, no point hiding it!

“You made the right choice by not telling me,” you say, turning your head to look into Mattia’s eyes. “I would feel shy if I knew about it. And I surely wouldn’t be so loud…”

“That’s what I thought…”

You turn to the screen again, because now it’s that moment when you wanted to unzip Mattia’s pants and he slapped your hand.

“What was that about?” you chuckle.

“I don’t know…”

You realize that the moments when Mattia was just looking into your eyes, making you wait for his next command, weren’t that long. You were just horny and impatient…

“Get down… on your knees,” the king commands.

You grimace watching the screen. This will be cringy for sure…

Mattia will probably get an erection soon, maybe you should shift closer to his knees… to leave him some room to expand…

You are surprised to hear him chuckling. “You really went for it.”

“Not funny.”

“I wasn’t laughing then.”

Mattia on the screen asks you to stop and then you beg him for a minute…

And then the little kisses and the teasing with your tongue begin. It’s the first scene that makes you smile with pride. Ah, yes, you can feel Mattia’s erection pressing against your butt.

“That was awesome…” he says, tickling you ear again.

“Yes… you should’ve given me more time though…”

He laughs shortly. “I was trying hard not to come, because I had other plans.”

You swallow. Yes… the plans… the fucking…

You almost slide down Mattia’s lap when you see yourself on the desk… naked… on your hand and knees.

Mattia’s taking his trousers and his boxer shorts off, barely taking his eyes off your butt. You lose him from the frame when he’s putting the condom on, but a while later he reappears… and approaches the desk…

You fidget in Mattia’s lap, feeling a growing tension in your body. He shifts in the chair as well. “Want me to touch you?” His whispering in your ear is the hottest sound in the universe… Well, maybe second hottest, after the sound of his voice when he’s coming.

“Yeah…” You spread your legs.

Isn’t he just perfect? Always thinking of the ways to make your day better…

Enjoying the touch of his delicate fingers, you’re watching a recording of one of the most intense sexual experiences of your life.

The moans don’t sound cringy to you anymore. They’re completely understandable… You remember what it felt like. The intense pleasure that consumed you not once, but twice.

Finally, you can see how Mattia’s doing when he’s behind you. He’s… focused… Pressing his lips together very often, frowning and grimacing a lot. His thighs look strong and impressive… He’s wearing a shirt, so you can’t see his upper body, but… that’s okay. You’ll watch him in the mirror soon…

“Fuck me… fuck me hard…” you hear your own begging voice.

“Yeah, fuck her…” you reply with a shaky sigh, gently rocking your hips, Mattia’s fingers massaging you faster, sliding effortlessly on your throbbing skin, drenched and dripping with arousal.

“I did, didn’t I?”

“Yeah…”

Judging by the movements of his fingertips right now, he’s trying to make you come in the same moment you both will come in the video. Not much time left, but he’s doing a great job.

“So… loud… God… I was really loud…”

“You enjoyed it. And I enjoyed it.”

“Yeah…” You let out a shaky hiss. “A lot…”

You feel him moving his hips under you butt, trying to get some traction as well. “Mattia?”

“Yes?”

“Let’s go to bed.”

* * *

You nearly rip the clothes off each other. You’re both so desperate. So eager to become one again.

You rest on your back, with your legs spread wide, waiting for Mattia to put a condom on. When he’s finally on top of you and inside you, huge and impressive as always, you try to slow things down, but you’re both too aroused after watching the video. You just want to release the tension, that’s all.

It takes less than ten minutes, and yet when you’re done, you’re both coated in sweat and panting.

You’re still breathing fast when Mattia turns to you and asks: “So, what should we do with that video?” His face is red, as usual, but he looks relaxed and happy.

You blink, trying to collect your thoughts. “It was fun to watch, but… keeping it feels risky…”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “Mirrors are a better idea. Mirrors… everywhere.”

“Don’t forget about the bathtub.”

He smiles. “I won’t.”


	14. Bad, bad thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia goes back to work. You meet with Silvia that helps you with a couple of things. Ah, and also you find something in the basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to my fellow Binoholics. I come to give you some distraction in these tough times.

You wake up. After you open your eyes, you see Mattia standing by the closet, zipping up his favourite khaki trousers. His feet are still bare, a white sleeveless undershirt on his chest. He reaches for a long-sleeved light blue shirt that you ironed for him yesterday.

He turns away from the closet, you can see his profile as he focuses on the buttons.

Usually you wake up the moment he gets up from the bed. There’s an instant void next to you that gives you an irrational anxiety, even though you used to sleep alone your entire life.

In that short moment between him leaving the bed and you waking up, your brain goes into panic mode. It’s like a nightmare in which you gave him your number, but he never called you back. He still has the ring on his finger, and the ball and everything that happened afterwards was just a sadistic dream.

It happened to you a couple of times to wake up like this; one time you even run down the stairs, you stormed into his office without knocking and you lunged into his arms, just to make sure that he’s real. That you’re not dreaming. His presence in your life in real.

You’re not sure why you didn’t feel him leaving the bed this morning. Maybe he was particularly quiet? He usually is. Or maybe your body needed a deeper recovery mode after all the exhausting pleasures you experienced before falling asleep.

No need to panic. He’s still in the room. The sight of him trying to put a grey sweater vest on without taking his glasses off, makes you smile. He succeeds after a short struggle, fixing his hair by using his hand as a comb.

He hunches down to open a drawer, granting you a nice display of his little butt. You see him grab a pair of boring socks which gives you an idea of what his mood is for this day of work.

He straightens himself up with a grimace. The night of exhausting pleasures left its mark on him as well.

He turns around and only then he notices that you’re not sleeping. He just smiles before walking up to the bed. He sits on the edge to put the socks on.

You reach out to fix the sweater vest on his back. You want to ask him a couple of questions, but the silence feels almost sacred. The calmness of his movements, the way he’s breathing…

He slightly rolls up the trouser legs as he often does when wearing winter boots.

You feel tingles in your belly when he turns to you. It feels the same as the day you grilled food together in Jock Clear’s garden. It’s the same excitement and disbelief.

“I’ll call you when the meeting is over,” he says, stretching himself to kiss your lips. Carefully, minding the glasses, because you’d hate to smudge them.

“I’ll walk you to the door.”

“No need…”

“I want to.” He doesn’t want to bother you, but the truth is that you just want to stay close to him.

He stands up from the bed. “I need to use the bathroom.”

“Okay.” You have time to put a bathrobe on, since you’ve been sleeping naked. Obviously. Yawning, you slide your feet into a pair of slippers.

You look around the bedroom to make sure he didn’t forget anything. He usually packs and leaves his work bag in his office. But one of his phones is still on the nightstand. You pick it up; you wait in the corridor. Sounds like he’s peeing, but since he closed the door, you don’t feel like interrupting.

Yawning again, you listen to the sound of him washing his hands. Mattia opens the door; you like the wide smile that appears on his face every time he sees you in a spot where he didn’t expect you to be.

You hand him the phone.

“Oh, thank you, honey.” He smiles again. You wish you could keep him smiling and happy all the time, but that’s impossible. He has a tough job that’s full of pressures and disappointments.

It’s not his first day at Ferrari, you remind yourself. He’s used to it. He even seems to like it.

He’s playing with your fingers as you walk down the stairs. “I’ve been thinking… maybe I could give Silvia your number and she’ll call you directly. I don’t know when I’ll be free to talk to her.”

“Okay.” That’s your default answer to everything he says. Almost everything. You find pleasure in being obedient. Not because you want to be his slave, but because you know he’s the right man to call the shots in your life. You found him, the perfect man. Someone who knows your needs; someone who has a good answer to every question.

“I’ll be waiting for her call,” you add, watching him put a grey coat on.

While he’s putting the winter boots on, you pick a black scarf. You hand it to him the moment he straightens himself up.

“Thank you,” you get rewarded with another smile.

Despite a strong temptation, you decide to keep yourself from helping. He’s a big boy, he can dress himself.

“I wish I could take you with me.” He fixes the coat before reaching for his bag. “Have a nice day, love.”

“You too.” Seeing him step up to you, you lift your chin.

He kisses you gently. You don’t expect more than a peck, but after slightly shifting away, his lips lock with yours again. The kiss is deep; it makes your heart race. His tongue touches yours, a strong hand at the back of your hand pulls you even closer. You open your mouth wider, but the moment you decide to tease him with your tongue, he ends the kiss.

You pout, just for fun. “Why did you do that?”

He licks the corner of his mouth. Happy, confident, almost smug. “What?”

“You can’t turn me on like this and then just… leave…”

“Go upstairs and have fun with yourself.”

“No!”

Your reaction makes him laugh. “I have to go. Stay safe.” He leans down again, just to kiss you on the cheek; his lips seem almost cool against your smarting skin. “Don’t forget about Silvia.”

“I won’t. Drive safely.”

After he leaves, you lock the door. You spend a while listening to the sound of the engine outside. He usually drives his silver Ferrari to work.

When he drives away, silence fills the house. It’s not sacred anymore. It’s a heavy silence of waiting.

* * *

There aren’t many mysterious places left in the house that you haven’t discovered yet. The least familiar would be the cellar where Mattia keeps his wines. Since your only task for now is waiting for Silvia’s call, you take your phone and you go downstairs to snoop around.

You like how well organized and orderly the place is. There’s a vintage, luxurious feeling to it. You study the etiquettes on the bottles. Apart from the wine racks, there’s a couple of vintage wooden cabinets. You are curious what’s inside.

You open the first one. It’s filled with different types of glasses. They look like they haven’t been used since a while. In the second one you find three shoe boxes filled with postcards, photographs and various souvenirs. Looks like something you would love to go through with Mattia. You’re sure he’ll be happy to show you everything.

You search through the rest of the cabinets, but they are either empty or filled with more papers. There’s only a drawer left to check, but it has a keylock and the key is… somewhere else.

You remember that there’s a mysterious key upstairs, hidden behind Mattia’s boring socks. You found it when you were organizing his things after doing laundry. Will it fit? Should you check?

As you rush to the bedroom to get the key, hoping it will still be there, your phone starts ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Silvia from Scuderia Ferrari. Mattia just gave me your number.”

“Yes, hi.”

“I know it’s a bit sudden, but I need to see you in person. The problem is that I can’t leave Maranello today. Would it be all right if I sent a car to pick you up?”

“Sure, no problem.”

“Is eleven o’clock all right for you?”

“Yes.”

“See you soon then.”

“Okay, bye.”

This is an unexpected turn of events, because Mattia is in Maranello and thanks to Silvia you will be in Maranello soon as well! Maybe he’ll find a second to just smile at you.

It’s not going to be your first visit in Maranello, but boy oh boy, how you progressed! From a Ferrari fan to a friend of Charles’ girlfriend to… a team principal’s girlfriend? He wouldn’t call you that, he’d call you his partner.

You still have time to check that drawer. If you don’t do it, curiosity will be killing you all day. And there’s a possibility that you’ll return home with Mattia, so it will be difficult to do anything without him noticing.

Thinking about possible outfits to wear, you open the drawer with Mattia’s boring socks. The key’s still there where you discovered it the first time.

As you’re walking down the stairs, an unpleasant feeling starts creeping inside you. Are you being too nosy? If he wants the drawer to be locked, maybe it should stay locked? It’s his house after all. He’s allowed to have secrets. It’s not like you’re married…

You slow down, feeling as if an invisible force was holding you back… Remorse and guilt fight with curiosity…

What can it be though? Mattia is not a person to have dirty secrets, right? You would’ve sensed it. You have a great radar when it comes to suspicious behaviours in men.

What if it’s something that will change your mind about him? What if it’s something really disturbing? Well, then maybe it’s better to know about it immediately!

You must know what’s inside. There’s no turning back; your sanity is on the line.

Your hand is shaking when you slide the key inside the hole. It would be hilarious if it turned out that the key doesn't fit!

You turn the lock and pull the drawer open. The silence around you gets thicker when you discover what’s inside.

* * *

There’s a weird urge inside you to make yourself look older. You only realize that it’s wrong when you start doing make up. You don’t have to wear make up! Yes, you’re almost 26, but your skin is okay. You still want to look good. Professional, even though you don’t work for Ferrari. You want Silvia to know that you’re taking the meeting seriously.

You keep asking yourself what would Mattia want you to wear. The answer is always the same: be yourself! Besides, it’s winter, so the key is to put on something warm.

You manage to relax when you start dressing up and you realize that you look a bit like him, apart from the sweater vest, which you replaced with a cardigan. You’ve chosen a light blue shirt; the cardigan is beige. You put on a pair of skinny jeans that fit well into your knee-high brown leather boots. Your grey coat should be warm enough if you wrap a plaid scarf around your neck.

You pack your bag; you take your ID and your passport. You will have to make sure the house and the gate are locked after you leave; thankfully you already have your own keys.

The driver sent by Silvia is wearing a jacket with a Ferrari logo and he has a security pass that he shows you when you approach him. He opens the car door for you; looks like you’ll be sitting on the back seat. You feel nervous getting into an Alfa Romeo driven by a stranger.

He turns a quiet, relaxing music on. He’s not initiating a conversation. You keep glancing into the rear-view mirror, but you can’t catch him staring at you. He’s a professional in every sense.

You rest your head against the headrest, watching the landscape outside. The raw landscape of a warm winter perfectly suits your mood. You keep thinking about what you found in the drawer. It makes you more nervous than you would normally be, since you are actually looking forward to meeting Silvia.

You already talked with her a couple of times when you were at the races with Jess, but you’re not sure if she remembers you.

After parking in front of the Gestione Sportiva building, the driver offers to escort you inside. He leaves you alone in the lobby where you are asked to wait for Silvia.

You remember the way to Mattia’s office, but you would have to have a pass to unlock a few doors. Does he even know that you’re downstairs?

Your wondering is cut short by Silvia’s appearance. It’s the first time you see her in normal clothes. She’s wearing jeans, same as you, and a tight olive green sweater. Her hair is looking great as usual.

“Oh, hello, nice to see you again. I remember you from last year,” she says, approaching you. She gives you a peck on the cheeks. “Let’s go to my office.”

She opens all the doors using her pass. You keep glancing toward Mattia’s office. Was it this one? Or maybe that one? It doesn’t matter, because there’s hardly anyone on this floor.

“Mattia’s in the engine department,” Silvia says. “I’ll let him know that you’re here. Maybe he’ll finally take a break.”

“That would be great,” you say, following her into her office.

If Mattia’s office really is where you think it is, you can see it from Silvia’s room.

You’d expect to feel jealous that she’s able to keep an eye on him all day long, but what you really feel is gratitude and relief that he has her by his side. Even though he’s her boss and he’ll always have the last word, you know she has his health and well being at heart and she won’t hesitate to scorn him if he’s working too much or doing something he’s not supposed to do. She also knows how to deal with the press.

“Sorry for bothering you so suddenly, but I didn’t want to involve Mattia in this. He already has too much work to do,” she begins, sitting next to you at a small table by the glass wall. “Before we begin, we will have to check your phone. It’s completely confidential, nobody will go through your personal files. It’s a safety protocol, like an antivirus check.”

“I understand…” You reach to your purse, grab your phone and put it on the table.

“Is that your only phone?”

“Yes.”

“Any other electronic devices?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Okay.” She leans away in her chair, looking outside the glass wall before waving at someone. “Luigi will do the checks; it won’t take long. Is there a photo we can use for your pass?”

“Yeah, it’s… on my phone.”

“Good, you’ll send it to me later. Now if I can see your ID and passport, we can start filling in those visa applications.”

* * *

Silvia is quick and competent. When Luigi brings your phone back, you send her your photo. And while she’s working on the applications, you carefully read the non-disclosure agreement that you must sign to get the security pass.

“From what I understand, you don’t have a car,” Silvia looks up from the screen of her laptop.

“No… not yet.”

“But you have a driving license.”

“Yes.”

“You should get a car.”

“I will. We’re… working on that,” you say, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Silvia’s stare lingers on your face, a delicate smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “All right,” she finally looks away before going back to work.

* * *

“One more thing,” Silvia says, collecting the papers into a neat stack. “Don’t forget to let me know if any of your personal data changes.”

You sit up. What is she talking about? Your second name?

“I used your old address, but if I'm not mistaken, you live with Mattia now.”

“Not… officially,” you say. “I’m waiting for my friend to come back from vacation.”

“Your flatmate, Jessica? Charles’ girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Just let me know about any updates, okay?” she says, her eyes turning to something behind your back.

“I will.” You turn your head to see what she is looking at. Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just Mattia returning to his office.

The reaction of your body is almost terrifying. Your heart flutters inside your chest before starting to beat hard. You feel tingling in your stomach that makes you fidget. You have to physically force yourself to stay in place. The temptation to run to him or even just to make him notice you is overwhelming.

“He doesn’t know,” Silvia says, a hint of amusement on her face. She wants to see Mattia’s reaction too. “Look here, try not to draw his attention,” she presses a button on a small console on her desk. “Before you sit down, could you stop by my office?” she asks.

“Sure, I’ll be there in a sec,” you hear Mattia’s voice; he sounds eager, unbothered, as if it was a normal thing that he has to walk to his subordinates.

Silvia sends you a cheeky smile; you hunch down to make yourself smaller.

You feel like a teenager waiting to meet her first crush… You not only feel accepted by Silvia; you feel blessed by her. She already knows how to use you to Mattia’s benefit.

She waves at him, inviting him inside.

“How can I help?”

You just can’t stop yourself from turning your head.

“Oh… hi!” The smile on his face is the widest you’ve ever seen. “What are you doing here?”

“She came to tell you to take a break,” Silvia says.

“Ha-ha, you looked so small in that chair…” He’s keeping a distance as if there was an invisible wall between you. You’re not surprised that he wants to keep the relationship low-key when he’s working. The last thing you want is to draw unnecessary attention to your presence.

“Lucia is serving spinach ravioli with ricotta today,” Silvia says.

You’re still sitting; you need to tilt your head to look at Mattia. He rests a hand on the back of your chair.

“That’s a good idea. Are you hungry?”

“I am, actually.” You stand up, hyper-aware of Mattia’s body so close to you.

He’s smiling at you, pressing his lips together the way he often does. Shouldn’t he help you put the coat on? He’s so happy to see you, he probably can’t think straight.

You walk to the coat rack; someone has to do it.

“You can leave it here,” Silvia says.

“We’re only going downstairs,” Mattia explains. “I’d love to go to a restaurant, but I don’t have that much free time.”

“Oh, okay.” You grab your purse, smiling to Silvia before leaving her office.

You can feel Mattia’s touch on your back, light and fleeting. “I’m happy to see you,” he says. “How did you get here?”

“Silvia send a car.”

As you’re walking down the stairs, Mattia takes your hand. People in the glass offices can still see you. And some aren’t that good at hiding their curiosity.

You feel a positive thrill as if you were doing something forbidden.

“Remember when you were here the last time?” he asks.

The memory puts a smile on your face. “I do. I came to give you your belated birthday present.”

“It felt unbelievable. I didn’t think I’d feel like that again.”

You turn to him. “Like what?”

If someone is looking at him now, they can clearly see he’s happy. Not just that. He’s in love.

“I felt… desired.”

You make a funny face. “What are you talking about? I only wanted an innocent hug!”

“Ha-ha, sure. Your eyes were very innocent.”

There’s someone walking up the stairs from the opposite direction. You stop the conversation, but Mattia’s still holding your hand. You recognize that it’s Ferrari’s sporting director, Laurent Mekies, one of Mattia’s closest co-workers.

“Do you know Laurent?” Mattia asks.

“No, I…”

Laurent pauses extending a hand. Mattia introduces you by just mentioning your name.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Laurent says, shaking your hand.

Looks like Mattia has told some of his co-workers about you.

“I’m going for lunch,” Mattia says. “Could you go and have a look at what’s going on in the engine’s department?”

“Are they still there?”

“Yes, writing reports… Ask them if they need anything.”

“I’m on it.”

Mattia grasps your hand again. “This way.”

Ferrari’s lunchroom is the most crowded place in the building, but Mattia manages to find a table that’s separated from the others.

You get your plates, filled with deliciously looking ravioli.

“Who are _they_?” you ask when you start eating.

Mattia swallows down. “The FIA,” he says, his face serious.

“They are here? In team’s factory? Is this normal?”

“Nope.”

The food tastes amazing; you stop bothering Mattia with your questions and you just enjoy the meal.

The silence is a bit awkward and you worry that for the observers around it might look like you have nothing to say to each other. You scorn yourself in your mind immediately. Stop worrying about other people’s thoughts. Your goal is to make sure Mattia has a full stomach and enough energy to go back to work.

“So, is the pass ready for you?”

“Not yet. We started filling in visa applications.”

Mattia sits up, reaching for his water. “Good.” When he looks at you, his expression softens. Whatever was bothering him a second ago, is momentarily not his concern.

“Looks like I could use that car…”

He beams like he just won a prize. “You want me to pick something for you?”

“No. I don’t trust you with that.”

“Oh, come on!”

You smile at him, making sure he knows you’re just joking. “The smaller the better,” you say.

Mattia does a confused head wriggle. “I haven’t heard that one yet.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m talking about the car.”

He puts more ravioli into his mouth, and he starts chewing, his face amused.

It’s nice to take his mind off work for a moment. You’re happy that he still can smile and joke with you even though there’s something unusual going on with the FIA visit.

“So… how’s your morning?” he asks, innocently.

You suspect that he wants to joke about the suggestion he made before leaving home. But his question triggers a memory of what you found in the cellar. It bears heavy on your stomach; you can’t hide it.

It only takes a couple seconds to make a decision, but it doesn’t mean that it’s an easy one. You could lie to him or change the subject. You could also tell the truth… But you feel guilty. You know you violated his privacy by using that key.

“What is it?” He already noticed your anxiousness.

You take a deep breath in. “I found the gun.”

Mattia frowns, swallowing down what he had in his mouth. It takes a stressful while before he finally says anything. “Ah, the one in the basement.”

“The one… you mean you have more?”

“Yes, there’s also one in the safe in my office. But… it’s wise to have a backup…”

“Do you know how to use it?”

“Yes.”

The idea of him holding a gun would be very arousing it you could ignore all the scary reasons that would force him to grab it.

“Have you ever used it?”

He shakes his head, going back to his meal. “It’s just a precaution. When you reach a certain level of wealth, your house becomes a target for all kinds of robbers.”

“That makes sense…” you agree, though the idea of owning a gun doesn’t make you feel very safe.

“Do you want to learn how to handle it?”

“I don’t want to, but I think I should.”

He nods; there’s one last piece of ravioli on his plate.

Well, that was easy! You didn’t need to worry about his reaction that much!

“I was sure I locked it and hid the key,” he says, his face difficult to read.

Oops.

“You did… I found it when I was organizing your socks…” Your ears must be red because they feel hot.

“You found the key and then you found the lock?”

You’re starting to feel uncomfortable; there’s not even a trace of smile on his face. He’s disappointed. You deserve it, though.

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have been so nosy. It’s your house… and I… feel like an intruder right now.”

Mattia reaches for a napkin. “You did a bad, bad thing.”

Oh, wait a second… You manage to look him in the eye, even though you feel so ashamed of yourself. But your body reacts with a hot shiver, not a cold one, and you trust your instincts.

“I think I deserve a punishment,” you say, keeping a straight face. You’re treading on thin ice here, because what if he’s not joking?

Mattia fidgets in his chair. “I don’t want to punish you.”

Damn it.

“But I’m still disappointed,” he adds before looking around and leaning forward. “Maybe if you begged… on your knees, I could forgive you.”

Wow, poor you.

You look around too, hoping nobody is staring at you because you’re sure your entire face is red.

“I have to go back to work now,” he adds. “I’ll walk you back to Silvia.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

He doesn’t touch you as you walk up the stair. Maybe he’s still pretending to be disappointed, or maybe it’s because there’s more people around.

When you’re about to enter Silvia’s office, Laurent shows up.

“They are leaving. You need to hurry up if you want to catch them.”

“All right, thanks… See you later, honey.” He kisses you lightly on the temple, like a father would kiss a child; you quickly inhale, but he’s already gone.

* * *

“I heard something about people from the FIA being here… What is that about?”

Silvia fixes her hair. “Same thing as last year. That’s what happens when you are used to having the best engine for almost six years and then suddenly you lose that advantage.”

“You mean Mercedes?”

She shakes her head. “There will be moments like this, when you will have a lot of questions and worries, but… the less you know, the better. I’m telling you this for Mattia’s sake. I’m sure he’d love to share everything with you, but some things are highly confidential, and we already paid the price for oversharing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he trusts you, but… this is not his choice to make. We all have families and we have the same obligations.”

“I understand,” you nod. “Can I ask only one question?”

“You can ask, but I can’t promise to give you an answer.”

“Is it bad?” You look her in the eye, wanting to read as much as you can from her reaction.

But her expression gives away nothing. “We’re handling it.”

* * *

It’s almost 11 pm. Mattia’s still not home. You’re waiting for him to come back, struggling to stay awake.

You’ve prepared fresh clothes for him that he’ll wear tomorrow. The dinner that you cooked is already cold, but you should be able to re-heat it quickly.

Last night you had some fun before going to sleep, but you went to bed at eight, and you were still worried that Mattia wouldn’t get enough rest.

Your head is so heavy… Soon you’ll fall asleep sitting!

Yawning, you decide to stretch your legs. You go to the bathroom to splash your face with cold water.

What if he doesn’t return? There’s a hotel next to Gestione Sportiva…

When you hear an engine, your heart skips a beat. The king has returned!

You hastily dry your face before rushing downstairs. Does he remember about being “disappointed” with you? Maybe he’s too tired to play games?

You open the door.

“You’re still up?”

You can’t even comprehend why your body’s reacting the way it is. How a single person can make you almost overheat by just walking up to you…

“Are you hungry?”

“No, I had dinner with Jock and Laurent before I left.”

You take his bag, stepping away to make him some room.

“I just want to take a shower and go to bed,” he says, taking his coat off. There are no hints in his voice, no suggestions.

He does look tired, just as you expected, but not just physically. His comfort is your priority now, although you’re a bit sad that he forgot about your game.

He hangs the coat on the rack before leaning down to take his shoes off.

“I’m glad that you’re back. I was worried that you’ll sleep in Maranello,” you say, stepping closer as soon as he straightens himself up. “I missed you,” you shift to the tips of your toes, hoping to reach his lips.

“Hold on,” he gently stops you and pushes you away. “I’m old but I don’t have dementia. I’m still disappointed with you. No kissing, no touching until I’m convinced that you regret your nosiness.”

He’s a great actor. And such a generous man. Even his “punishments” are designed to reward you.

“I’m sorry, sir…” You try to look as sorry as you can, looking down and making a sad face.

“No, that’s not enough.”

Yeah, you won’t argue with that.

He walks away, leaving you with his bag in your hand. You’re a smart girl. You can put two and two together. No more clues needed.

You leave Mattia’s bag in his office and you go back upstairs. As expected, he’s already in the bathroom.

After you quietly open the door, you enter and you take the bathrobe off. Mattia’s already in the shower cabin, the water’s running. He can’t hear you, but you’re sure he’s waiting for you, hoping you’ll come. Maybe even getting hard at the thought of you joining him in a second.

You’d hate to disappoint him for real.

You slide the shower door open; you see Mattia’s back and his little butt before he turns around… Your mouth immediately fills with saliva.

“What have I told you? No touching…”

“I came to ask…” you clear your throat, trying not to burst out laughing, because even though he said “no”, his body says “yes”, not to mention that he actually stepped back to make you room. “I came to beg your forgiveness, sir…” You look down again, which is convenient, because that’s where the object of your interest is. You quickly close the door behind you. It gets so hot inside, you start sweating.

“Not enough,” he says, his voice not as cold as he’d probably want.

You lick your lips. Here’s the part you wanted to play badly since you had lunch.

You get down on your knees, carefully. “Please, sir… forgive me…” you say, placing a hand on Mattia’s thigh. “I was a nosy girl and I regret it… very…” your hand shifts up. “Very much…” you whisper.

You’re almost touching him, but not quite… Your fingers are trembling with lust, his erection is growing without you doing a thing.

You look up, your fingertips playing with the dark curls. “Sir… I beg you…”

He swallows. “Beg harder.”

“Yes, sir.”

* * *

A bit of love fixes everything. Your anxiety, his tiredness, the worries he has, the tensions in his body…

A bit of love that allows you do the whole job while he can just lean back and relax.

It’s late and you don’t try to extend it. Your goal is to make him come; you’re going to use all the experience you gathered so far to reach it.

Your eyes closed, you listen to his breathing. Your hair is getting wet, the shower’s still on… the exotic scent of the shower gel mixes with the scent of your man’s skin…

You almost fell asleep before he returned, but now you’re more than awake. You feel alive and full of energy. Ready to keep pleasuring him as long as he wants… But he doesn’t need much…

He gently pushes your head away; you can see his entire body tensing up…

You finish the job with your hand, keeping the strokes fast… His come is warmer than the water. You can feel every single drop that touches your skin… You’re not in a hurry to wash it off. You still remember what he said: everywhere, just not the face. It doesn’t seem to bother him when it’s on your hand or your chest, especially if you’re in the shower.

When you look up, he’s still breathing fast.

“That’s enough… I forgive you,” he says, putting a hand on your head. "Good girl."

“Thank you, sir… I’m pleased to hear that.” You keep a straight face for two seconds before losing it.

Mattia bursts out laughing too.

* * *

He falls asleep quickly. You are still awake, listening to his calm breathing.

He will go back to Maranello early in the morning. He will have to deal with all the problems facing the team. He’ll have to handle unexpected obstacles.

You can’t help him in his job, because you know nothing about it. He’s not even allowed to share the details of his work with you.

But he fell asleep quickly, thanks to you. And it makes you happy.


	15. Slow and lazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia goes to work. You talk to Jess. Life gets a little sad, but Mattia can make it better for both of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay strong, Binoholics. It'll get better. In the mean time, let's visit the dreamworld in which Mattia is our man.

Your heart is racing, cold sweat on your skin. You can still feel anger raging inside you, but it suddenly turns into confusion and fear.

There’s darkness around you, but you sense that you’re not alone… Someone touches your arm, startling you into a panicked scream.

“It’s okay… it’s me.” Mattia’s soothing voice guides you back to reality.

“I… had a…”

“Bad dream, I know.” He turns the bedside lamp on.

The sight of his concerned face and his puffy eyes make you feel even worse.

As he shifts closer, opening his arms, you slip into his embrace; the warmth of his body chases the nightmare away.

You try to remember what the dream was about. Your mind is blank at first, but then an image of a gun resurfaces in your memory. Everything comes back at once, making you shudder.

You cuddle up to Mattia’s chest. “He was lashing out at my mother. I could hear them yelling from my room. I wasn’t a child though. It was…” You swallow down a lump. “Like a memory, but I was my age. Almost every day, the same insults, the same threats. I had my headphones on, but I still could hear them. Especially when they started throwing things… shattering glass…”

Mattia pulls you closer, letting out a deep sigh. You don’t want him to feel bad; he had nothing to do with your past.

“She ran away to the kitchen, but he followed her. So, she ran to the bathroom. He started kicking the door. I just… I couldn’t listen to it anymore. I was so angry. I figured… if I grab a knife and stab him, maybe it’ll finally get to him that he went too far. I ran to the kitchen, but he saw me. He was suspicious of me; he kept asking what I was doing. I couldn’t find any knives… You know how it is in dreams; sometimes they make no sense. So, there were no knives in the kitchen… He grabbed my shoulder, it hurt so bad. I looked him in the face; he was very drunk. I managed to slip past him. I ran downstairs and I found myself in your basement. He was chasing me, but he stumbled on the stairs. I managed to get to the drawer before he got back on his feet. I grabbed the gun… I didn’t even know how to handle it, but I pointed it at him and told him to get out of the house. I remember that I wanted to shoot him. I wanted him to say no. He called me an ugly bitch and lifted his arm… So, I pulled the trigger… and I missed. He kept walking toward me, I pulled the trigger again and again. He collapsed; bleeding, but I kept shooting. I was so angry…” Tears fill your eyes; you can still remember what it felt like to be in this nightmare.

“It’s all good.” You feel Mattia’s warm hand on your cheek. “You’re safe.”

“I know,” you say, closing your eyes, trying to focus on reality.

Mattia’s long thumb caresses the delicate skin under your eye, wiping the tears away. “I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again,” he says, his voice full of determination, almost threatening.

You try to imagine Mattia’s encounter with your father. Would they fight? Your father seemed to be less aggressive when dealing with men. Like all wife-beaters, he was just a coward.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you,” Mattia says, his gentle fingers lining your jawline.

“I’m with you now,” you say, grasping him by the wrist. You press your lips to his knuckles, kissing his hand as if he was an actual ruler. He twists his hand, turning it to cup your cheek, but you’re not done yet. You kiss his palm, wanting to express your love. Your gratitude. Your respect.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” you say, looking up to meet his puffy eyes. “Go back to sleep.”

He studies your face for a moment. “I’ll try,” he says, making a little nod with his head, before he leans closer to give you a light kiss on the lips. “Love you.”

“I love you too.” After he turns the light off, you let him embrace you tightly. You’re warm and cosy again. Feeling safe and loved. But there’s still a thorn in your heart. You haven’t seen your father since your twentieth birthday, but from what you know he’s still alive. Alive and haunting you in your dreams. Ruining Mattia’s sleep.

* * *

“Did you get any sleep?” he asks, putting his phone on the nightstand after turning the alarm off.

“Not much, but I can always take a nap later.”

He stretches himself, yawning. “I forgot to tell you yesterday, but I usually have dinner at Maranello. I’m keeping an eye on Laurent’s eating habits. I’ll try to meet with him over lunch if that’s possible. That way I’ll be able to come back home earlier.”

You recall that the Ferrari sporting director is a very skinny man. Even Mattia, who’s on the skinny side too, looks buffed-up next to him.

“Maybe someone else could keep an eye on him from time to time?”

“We have daily briefings anyway… Besides, he needs to be relaxed to enjoy food.”

“Jesus, that sounds serious…”

“No, he’s always been like this. But he has so much more responsibilities since last year and I don’t want him to pass out again.”

“He passed out?”

“Yes, a couple of times.” Mattia pulls up a pair of fresh boxer shorts. “I don’t want you to eat alone, but sometimes it will be just unavoidable.”

“What if I got to Maranello in the evening and joined you two at dinner?”

“That’s an option, sure.”

“What do you want for breakfast?” you ask, getting up from the bed, the duvet slides down your chest, exposing you breasts and belly.

Mattia’s eyes are drawn to your body immediately. “Something that I don’t have time for, I’m afraid.”

You reach for a silky bathrobe that you sometimes wear when you don’t want to distract him. Like now, because he needs to get ready to leave for work. “It will still be fresh when you find the time,” you say. “I’ll make you some scrambled eggs instead.”

* * *

“What are your plans for today?” he asks during breakfast.

“Jess is coming back from winter holidays. I wanted to welcome her back in our flat.”

“I could give you a lift if you can get ready in twenty minutes.”

“So, you do have some time to spare after all…” You get up, propping your hands on your hips.

“Only because you prepared breakfast. And I still want to eat it.”

You approach him to give him a kiss on the forehead. “I better get ready then.”

* * *

“You want to drive?” Mattia asks handing you the key to his Ferrari.

“No, thank you!”

Your reaction makes him giggle. “Are you intimidated by fast cars?” he asks, when you’re inside.

“I’m not compatible with them.”

“You said you wanted a small car. This one's pretty small if you’d ask me.”

“I would feel awful if I scratched it.”

“I understand.” He turns the engine on.

He’s looking fancy today; the weather’s not bad. You wish you could spend more time together, but it looks like he’ll have even a busier day than yesterday.

“Do you remember the way?” you ask.

“Of course. I have it engraved in my mind. I will never forget that evening when I drove to you to show you the photos from the ball. It was the journey of my life.”

You grin so hard your face starts to hurt. “The photos were nice though.”

“I don’t know, I can’t remember…” he chuckles. “I only remember that an extremely hot young woman was really into me.”

“She still is.”

He clears his throat, his expression changing. “I haven’t asked you the question yet.”

“What question?”

“Do you want to move in with me?”

You burst out laughing. “I’m sure we already discussed this, Mattia.”

“I know, but I don’t remember getting a clear answer. Probably because I didn’t ask the right question.”

You grab his hand, making sure he doesn’t need to use it. “I’d love to move in with you, but I need to talk with Jess first. And to be honest… I’m not looking forward to it. I’m worried that she won’t be able to pay the rent without my share.”

Mattia frowns. “Isn’t she constantly travelling between yours and Charles’ flat herself?”

“Yes, but I don’t think she’d want to move in with Charles.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug your shoulders. “Maybe I’m wrong.”

“I was sure Charles was supporting her financially.”

“He covered our travel expenses. And helped her pay for the car.”

Mattia smirks. “See? That’s what rich boyfriends do.”

“He only helped her, and it wasn’t even a new car.”

“I’m not buying you a used car.”

You sink down in the seat. “This topic stresses me out…”

Mattia puts a hand on your thigh. “I’ll try to release your stress when I’m back home, love. Stay strong and message me as often as you can.”

You rest your palm on his huge hand. “I will.”

* * *

A couple hours later you send Mattia a message: “Talked with Jess, but there’s too much to explain. When will you be coming home? Could you pick me up?”

You don’t have to wait long for the answer. “I’m at lunch with Laurent. We can have dinner together. I’ll pick you up at six.”

“Okay,” you reply.

A couple minutes later you receive another message. “Is everything all right?”

“I’m fine; Jess is a bit worse, but she’s a tough girl.”

“Did they break up?”

“Yes.”

“Tell her that I’m sorry.”

“I will.”

* * *

“You’re lucky, you know?” Jess says to you when you’re putting your coat on. “Mattia would never do something like this to you.”

“I hope not,” you say. “It might sound insensitive, Jess, but I really think you’ll get over him. You’ll find someone better.”

“If you ever see him…” Jess trails off. “Never mind, I don’t care.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll ask Mattia if I could show you his house.”

“Your house. It’s yours too.”

“Not technically.”

“He’d give you anything you want.”

“That’s not true.”

“Name one thing!”

“He wouldn’t change his job for me.”

“Would you want him to change it?”

You get silent.

“Oh, crap.” Jess grabs your hand. “Troubles in paradise?”

“No, no. Far from it. Although he really is working a lot,” you admit. “And the season has not even started yet. But I knew what I was getting into. And he’s worth it.”

* * *

You don’t like the way the conversation with Jess ended. You’re not a victim. Being with Mattia is not a sacrifice. It’s the opposite. Feels like a luxury you could never afford if he didn’t give you his heart for free.

He’s waiting for you inside the car. You’re walking up to it, your pace fast. Feels like leaving a complicated world behind and diving into a deep water of calmness and warmth.

“Hello, beautiful,” he leans for a kiss.

You can see the old lady from the first-floor staring at you through the window. You wonder if she finally realized that Mattia is not your dad.

“Hello, handsome. You look tired.”

He smiles. “You too.”

You put the seat belt on.

“So, what happened between Jess and Charles?” Mattia asks before pulling away.

“When I entered the flat, she was already inside. Turned out she wasn’t on vacation with him. She was visiting her parents.”

Mattia raises his eyebrows.

“She never got along with Charles’ mom. She said they had an argument before Christmas, and Charles took his mom’s side.”

“I know Pascale. She seems like a reasonable person.”

“I don’t know what the argument was about, but apparently she called Jess a manipulative gold digger…”

Mattia cringes, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Which is not true,” you add.

“I know.”

“Jess never asked Charles for anything; he offered first,” you continue. “According to Jess, it was Pascale who was manipulative and controlling. She always needed to know what Charles was doing and wanted to have full control over his money.”

Mattia doesn’t seem convinced. He’s a parent too, so maybe he can relate to Pascale’s point of view better. “I’m surprised that Charles decided to side with his mother,” he says.

You rub your eyes. “You’re right to be suspicious, because it’s not the whole story yet.”

You feel Mattia's stare on your face; when you make eye contact, he smiles before turning back to the road. He’s listening to your words, clearly curious about what happened, but he’s more interested in your mental and physicals state. He can see that you’re worried and tired. And that’s his main concern, not Jess and Charles.

“He already found a replacement.”

Mattia cringes again. “That’s not okay.”

“She’s his age… And very rich.”

“Is her name Charlotte?”

“Is there anything that you don’t know, sir?” you turn to Mattia, impressed but also annoyed that he’s ruining your story time.

“We’re organizing a team building event in the Dolomites, at the beginning of February, and Silvia was preparing a list. I told Charles that he can invite his family and friends. I checked the list a couple days ago, and there was a Charlotte on it. Silvia told me who her father is. I thought it was about a sponsorship deal. I remembered that I met her father at a dinner party last year. Louis introduced us. His name is Emmanuel; he’s the general manager of Société des Bains de Mer et du Cercle des Étrangers à Monaco.”

“Society _des_ what?”

“Société des Bains de Mer et du Cercle des Étrangers à Monaco; it’s a company registered in Monaco. They own and manage the Monte Carlo Casino, the Opéra de Monte-Carlo, and the Hôtel de Paris in Monte Carlo.”

“Are you planning to speak more French? Because if so, I’d like to put a hand down my underwear…”

Mattia makes a shocked face. “I thought we were having a serious conversation.”

You sigh heavily. “Forgive me. I’m just… all over the place.”

Smiling, Mattia squeezes your hand. “We’ll be home soon.”

* * *

You’re almost home when Mattia gets a call. He takes it in the car. It’s Jock calling.

“I’ll call you back from my office in five minutes,” Mattia says.

After a couple of minutes, you are finally inside the house.

“I’ll prepare something to eat,” you offer.

“Okay, thank you. It won’t take long,” Mattia assures, but you know that’s just his hopes.

Thankfully you don’t have to make dinner from scratch, because you can re-heat most of what you cooked yesterday.

When Mattia shows up in the kitchen, he’s wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. “I’m so hungry,” he says, rubbing his palms.

“I had too much pizza with Jess,” you say, sitting down on the opposite side of the table; happy to just watch Mattia eat. “The last time I saw Jess and Charles together, they were so happy. They were planning to go skiing.”

“How is she doing?”

“She’s… trying to act tough, as she always does, but she’s hurting a lot. Being called a manipulative gold-digger is… not something you get over quickly.”

Mattia is focused on his meal; you’d love to know his thoughts, but he’s not eager to share them.

“At first, I didn’t want to mention our decision to live together; it didn’t feel like the right moment,” you continue. “But then she started asking me questions; she needed something else to talk about. She needed a distraction. So, obviously, I started talking about you. About the house. About the visit in Gestione Sportiva. And at some point, she said: I’m surprised that he didn’t ask you to move in with him. So, I told her that we talked about it, but I wanted to make sure she’d be all right.”

He empties his glass, so you reach for it to pour more juice.

“She joked that she doesn’t have the right organs to compete with you.”

Mattia smiles, chewing.

“She gave me her blessing though.”

“What about the flat?”

“She said she’ll manage the rent because she won't waste money to impress Charles.”

Mattia shakes his head. “That’s not the solution I was hoping for.”

“Yeah…” you sigh, looking at your fingers. “She said she could go back to live with her parents, but they already got under her skin during Christmas. Besides, she likes her job. And…” you glance at Mattia nervously. “She said I can always come back to live with her if something goes wrong between us.”

Mattia puts the fork down and reaches for your hand. “One good lesson that I learned from my divorce is that when it comes to relationships, there is no such thing as destiny. Nobody is ‘meant’ to be with someone else with no effort. People change. People make mistakes. And sometimes letting someone go is an act of love.”

“It sounds terrible though.”

“It feels terrible too.”

“I don’t know if I could… let you go right now,” you admit, feeling an unpleasant heaviness in your stomach. “Or ever.”

Mattia smiles. “But you do let me go to work every morning. And you’re very patient with me every time a phone call interrupts our conversation. That’s the act of love I was talking about. And I’m extremely grateful for it.”

It’s unbelievable how he managed to steer the conversation to make you feel proud and satisfied with yourself.

“I’m happy to have you,” he adds, pulling your hand to his lips.

“I’m very happy too, Mattia,” you reply, no more words needed, because he can see the blush on your face and the pure fondness in your eyes.

“I think I can make you happier.” There’s a change in his voice that you’ve been waiting for since you got home. “I just need to take a quick shower and prepare some clothes for tomorrow.”

“What do you want to wear?” You are trying to sound natural, as if you’re heart wasn’t pacing, but he is still touching your hand and he can feel your skin getting hotter.

“Something comfortable.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you. The dinner was delicious,” he gets up from his chair.

Before leaving the kitchen, he approaches you to give you a peck on the cheek. “See you in bed.”

* * *

Mattia enters the bedroom wearing only boxer shorts that are sticking to his skin because he didn’t dry himself up properly.

“What do you think?” you ask, showing him the clothes you picked. A pair of black jeans, a flannel shirt with a plaid pattern and a black sweater vest. “You only need to choose a pair of socks.”

“I’ll do it in the morning.” He approaches you from behind and closes his arms around you, pressing your body to his. “If I’m not mistaken… and despite being old, I have a good memory… I promised to release your stress…”

“Can I take a quick shower too?”

“Why? I think you smell very nice.” His nose is tickling you behind your ear. “You’ll shower tomorrow.”

“Is that an order?” Oh, the shivers, he can make you feel like you’re drowning in them.

“I’m not in the mood for orders tonight. I just want to make you happy. So… what would you like me to do? Hm? What’s the thing that would make you the happiest?”

You’re thinking about it, but for some reason you feel shy to ask for it.

“Do whatever you want,” you say.

He starts kissing your neck, the room gets silent. Isn’t it the greatest feeling in the world to know that you’re about to be loved by a man who knows your needs? His beautiful hands are made for this… He knows how to touch you; he knows how to turn you on with the most delicate caress.

“You don’t want to tell me, hm? That’s a shame…”

You swallow, feeling slightly irritated with yourself. He’s being so nice, and you can’t even play along. “I’m sure you know.”

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

He laughs softly. Thank God, he knows how to deal with your insecurities.

“You’re right, I know.” His hand slides down your underwear. “In the car, you wanted me to speak French…”

You’re struggling to focus on his words even though his hand is not moving. It’s just there, warm and huge. Holding station between your legs as if he was guarding his property.

“Be careful what you say, because I understand a bit of French.”

“Who do you think I am, love? An amateur?” His fingers move, barely, but your entire body shudders. “_Aimons toujours! Aimons encore! Quand l'amour s'en va, l'espoir fuit. L'amour, c'est le cri de l'aurore, L'amour c'est l'hymne de la nuit._”

Yeah, you understand basic French, but your brain is not working at the moment, because Mattia’s fingertips are turning you into a brainless shaking mess.

“_Ce que le flot dit aux rivages…_”

Just breathe, stay calm, don’t panic. It’s just a little massage. No need to overreact.

But… it feels so good… Your body just melts in certain situations.

“_Ce que le vent dit aux vieux months, Ce que l'astre dit aux nuages, C'est le mot ineffable: Aimons!_”

He presses his lips to your neck; his other hand moves up to rest on your breast. You wish you had no clothes on… But you don’t want him to let go just yet… His embrace is warm, his hands are delicate and able, his whispers are soft…

“_L'amour fait songer, vivre et croire. Il a pour réchauffer le coeur, Un rayon de plus que la gloire, Et ce rayon c'est le bonheur!_” He ends each verse with a little kiss pressed to your neck.

“_Aime! qu'on les loue ou les blâme, Toujours les grand coeurs aimeront: Joins cette jeunesse de l'âm A la jeunesse de ton front…_”

You gasp, shakily, his fingers stroking a very sensitive spot.

“What’s going on down there?”

“Maybe you should take a look.”

“That’s a great suggestion.”

He helps you take your clothes off. He steps away leaving you to take care of your panties while he approaches the nightstand, taking his glasses off and snatching a condom from the drawer. He’s not putting it on, of course, way too early for that.

You’re so used to waiting for his instructions in bedroom, that you don’t even know what to do. You could sit down, for starters…

As you sit on the edge of the bed; Mattia kneels before you. Resting his hands slightly above your knees, he looks up at you, smiling.

“Am I red?” you ask.

“Yes, you are… You are gorgeous…” Gently caressing your thighs, he studies your body, pausing on your breasts, before looking back at your face. “We’re going to make love in a slow and lazy way tonight, okay? I want it to be very intimate, but also effortless. But since I know how your body works; you normally need at least a bit of fast action, so… I think you require a thorough warm-up before we move to the lazy part.”

Slow… lazy… intimate… effortless… thorough… You love all these words. Sometimes you’re in a mood for fucking, but not tonight.

“What do you think?” he asks, his large hands sliding up your thighs to pause on your hips, he’s holding you like his favourite bowl. He looks like he cannot wait to eat from it.

You reach out to gently ruffle his hair. “I think you’re a wise man,” you say, leaning closer to kiss him. It’s a slow, and a surprisingly wet kiss. Someone must be drooling…

“Show me your secrets,” he demands in a hoarse whisper.

You spread your legs, getting shocked by the wetness between them. The French poem and his warm hand did that to you. It will get worse… much worse…

You are torn between a desire to lean back and watch the action in the mirror that you installed on the ceiling at the end of December, and the need to be prepared for the first brush of his lips. Or will it be his tongue? You know it’s going to be intense.

You decide to wait and watch… But he’s a master of teasing. He’s studying your body with his fingertips for now. Remembering, re-learning the details, planning his moves.

You keep staring at his face; it’s a private face you’re seeing. Redder than usual, his pupils are large, his lips seem a bit dry… He licks them before finally leaning down.

It would be a sin to stay silent, but words are inadequate. The language of sighs and moans is what you’re going to speak, and he’ll get your message.

You touch his hair, when he’s doing particularly well, even though he can hear it anyway. He can see it by the way your body twitches…

When you rest on your back, you can see your body reflected on the ceiling. Not a bad view… Mattia grabs you by the knee, to open you up even more…

He’s so hungry… you can bet his chin is wet…

“God…this is good…” You sit up, putting both your hands into his hair again. For the first time, carefully, you pull his head in a desired direction. You loosen the grip quickly… Where is his big nose? Can he breathe freely?

He leans slightly away. “Why did you let go?”

Because I’m still inexperienced? You open your mouth, but you don’t know what to say.

“I liked it,” he says.

You can feel his pointed tongue again, hard and soft at the same time. Always wet… always warm…

It’s close to a perfect position, but not quite there. You suspect that Mattia’s doing it on purpose to encourage you to steer his mouth…

All right let’s do this. Since he likes it…

Pulling his head slightly to the right, you keep a firm hold while pushing your hips forward…

“Oh… oh… god…”

It’s not bad… not that bad to be an active player in this round.

You’re constantly keeping in mind that you can’t press him harder to your body, but he seems sucked to it completely without you doing a thing.

He said it’s a warmiup. When your body starts to shake, he leans away… “We’ll continue this another time,” he says, getting up from his knees. When he takes his shorts off, it turns out that his erection is not full yet.

“You could use a warm-up too,” you say, shifting to rest on your side of the bed.

“I’m sure you can help.” He lies down next to you, reaching for the condom.

Aww… that’s sweet. He’s going to wait with the condom in his hand… Because he knows your skills. He believes in you.

Your plan is to go slowly, since he wanted a lazy love making session, but… you underestimate the power of visuals. He glances into the mirror probably to check your butt as you’re bent forward, your head moving up and down bringing him pleasure that resonates deeply inside your belly as well.

He gasps, frowning. “That’s enough.”

You immediately move away. You wouldn’t want to ruin the lazy love making night by being too eager.

“You want to slide under the duvet?” he asks, tearing the condom wrapping.

“Oh, no… I want to see your butt in the mirror.”

Mattia chuckles, but he gets serious when putting the condom on. What a fascinating view. His cock looks normal-sized when his hands are in the picture.

You rest on your back, spreading your legs, itching for him to get inside you…

Slow. He said slow. Don’t be so desperate. He’s not going anywhere. You have time. You check the clock on the wall; it’s only 9 pm.

Mattia shifts closer to you; he’s not in a hurry. Forget about his erection, he just wants to kiss. He wants to touch you with his big hands. He wants to squeeze you butt, caress your hip, touch your belly and make sure your nipples are hard.

He rarely does crazy things with his tongue when kissing you. He’s almost conservative about it. But the tiniest brush gives you so much pleasure, your inner muscles are tensing up; you can't wait to feel him inside you.

“Relax…” he whispers, his hand massaging your breast in the most perfect way.

“I am relaxed…”

“Your heart is beating way too fast.”

“Stop touching me then… No, don’t stop. Don’t.”

He laughs, his gaze shifting to your belly. You pull one knee up as he grabs his erection.

When he’s half-way in, maybe less, he shift his hips to rest on top of you.

“Oh… yes!” you cry out when he goes all in.

“I said slow and lazy, girl…” he chuckles. “Calm down.”

You chuckle too, a grimace still on you face.

You’re full of him, his belly pressing against yours. Prepped on his elbow, he’s studying your face. Wondering what’s on his mind, you reach out to touch the curl on his forehead.

Your gaze moves to the mirror on the ceiling. You can see his body stretched on top of yours… The first word that comes to mind is: long. Everything is long… Especially his legs.

He starts working his hips slowly. You have more than enough time to adjust to his size, to a certain extend. Because he’ll always feel large, no matter how much your body stretches and softens inside.

You lick your lips. “Can we kiss?”

He doesn’t reply, he just leans down, locking your lips together.

It feels like waves hitting a rock. Water seems to be losing this battle, but with enough perseverance and enough patience, the rock will crumble…

You keep the lazy pace for as long as you can. You even have to control yourself and shift your hips, when the angle of Mattia’s penetration makes you feel too good.

How long will he last? He feels as hard as when you started, but his breathing is faster; also, his skin seems hotter to the touch.

The kissing never gets boring; although sometimes it’s nice to take a break and just focus on different parts of your bodies.

Is that your pulse throbbing so hard inside you or his? The same languid movement is creating much more pleasure now than ten minutes ago… Your body is ready… Your body got enough stimulation to release the tension in one big shock.

“Shall we land this plane?” Mattia asks, seeking eye contact.

“Let’s crash it…”

“No, no… We’re going to land it in paradise.”

“Oh, okay…” you laugh. “I need to work on my metaphors.”

“Ha-ha… ha-ha…” You love his laughter, but you don’t mind that it gets cut short when you dictate the pace by rocking your hips.

Mattia moans softly in your mouth… Is it too fast? Even if he comes before you, he’ll fix it in a very pleasant way. No need to slow down.

You barely started and you’re already there. That’s how effective the lazy love making was.

You slow down, when the wave of orgasm hits you. Digging your fingernails into Mattia’s back, you try to focus your gaze on the reflection on the ceiling.

Aren’t you a delicious sight… Squirming, gasping and grimacing under your 50-years-old Italian stallion who likes to chuckle and can’t stand still for more than five seconds…

He pushes deep inside you when coming, burying his face in the bend between your neck and your shoulder, you can feel his teeth and for a second, you’re wondering if he’s going to bite you, but he doesn’t… It must have been a good one. No, don’t chuckle… Not again.

You manage to stay serious. Well, you still have a blissful smile on your face, but it disappears when a drowsy wave of a complete relaxation washes over you.

You cross your legs on Mattia’s back, and you close your arms around his torso, holding onto him like a little monkey. But it’s not like that… He’s your little money right now. You’re his bed. You’re his blanket. He needs time to recover…

“Mattia? You okay?” you ask, after a long moment of silence.

“I’m not sleeping,” he says, his voice muffled.

Okay, you’re going to chuckle now.

He shifts to rest next to you, creating that void inside you again, but it’s okay. Your heart is full, your soul is full of love.

“I forgot to do one thing that I wanted to do…” He shifts to your breast, pressing his intensely red lips to your soft nipple. A few seconds later it’s not soft anymore. He knows that he needs to be gentle… He’s not sucking hard, not sucking at all, he’s just warming it, wetting it with his mouth… His tongue’s moving around it, making you twitch a little…

“It was great,” you say. “Exactly what I needed.”

Mattia can’t reply, because his tongue is busy doing something else.

Perfect time to play with his hair. It’s damp with sweat at the back of his neck.

“Do you expect to be back for dinner tomorrow?”

“Yes.” He needs to take care of your other nipple now.

You smile, your gaze shifting down his body. You are ready for more action… But he’s not. Besides, he needs more sleep.

When he’s getting rid of the condom, you get under the duvet. But then you remember that you haven’t brushed your teeth yet.

You meet in the corridor, naked. It really feels like paradise even though the air is not tropically warm.

“I’ll be right back,” you say to him.

You’re smiling to the mirror while brushing your teeth. If someone asked you what you are thinking about, you wouldn’t be able to answer. You don’t feel like rushing with anything. Maybe that’s the reason why by the time you return to bed, Mattia’s already asleep.

Quietly, you turn the light off before resting next to him.

* * *

“What are you wearing?” he asks over the phone.

“I’m not going to tell you, unless you promise me that you’re not driving.”

“Ha-ha. I am driving… I’m almost home.”

“I guess I can tell you anyway. I’m wearing black underwear… a t-shirt, warm sweatpants and socks.”

“That’s good. Put some boots and a jacket on and come see me outside.”

What? You’re in the middle of cooking pasta. But he already hung up. When you’re putting the winter boots on, you can hear a weird noise coming from outside. Like an engine, but not a Ferrari engine.

You put a coat on, buttoning it up as you’re walking out the door.

There’s a small red Fiat 500 parked in Mattia’s Ferrari’s spot. And Mattia’s getting out of it, with some effort, laughing. “This was the smallest one I could find.”

“Oh my God…” The car’s just… cute! “It’s perfect.”

“You like it? It’s an L model. It stands for large,” he chuckles.

You approach the car; it’s brand new and fresh, only slightly dusty from the road.

“Get inside!” he encourages you. “It doesn’t look like the one I had when I was younger. It’s pretty fast too.”

“Were you speeding? In a Fiat 500?”

“Ha-ha, it made me nostalgic.”

Mattia opens the door for you. You take the driver’s seat. You never had your own car. And you’re not sure if you’ve ever been in a brand-new car in your life.

“It’s beautiful… I love it.” You touch the steering wheel. The interior doesn’t seem much tighter than the inside of Mattia’s Ferrari. Well, let’s scratch that.

Mattia gets inside to take the passenger’s seat. “Not much leg room, ha-ha…”

“How did you drive?”

“I pushed the seat as far back as possible. It was fun.”

You love how excited he is about the car, despite his initial reservations.

“Thank you… I… that’s probably the most expensive gift I’ve ever received,” you admit, turning to him.

“Well… a gift of life would be much more expensive, so your parents will always win.”

You get an unpleasant feeling. “Let’s not talk about my parents… Besides, I don’t think my life was that great before I met you.”

Mattia reaches out to touch your face. “Okay. I’m glad that you’re happy.”

You lean toward him; a kiss won’t be enough to thank him. Maybe a longer kiss… Maybe a bit of teasing with your tongue.

“Was just thinking if we could have sex here one day?” you say, the idea making you giggle.

“You wanted small; I gave you small. Don’t complain now.”

“I’m not complaining. I think I can still do things to you in limited space.”

He looks away, smiling. “You’re making me blush.” His stare lands on the glove compartment. “I nearly forgot,” he says, opening it. “Here’s your security pass. And here’s your credit card.”

“My credit card?”

“You’re going to need money for gas…”

“Right.” You take the pass and the credit card, weighing it in your hand.

“We need to drive back to the dealer, though, to get my Ferrari,” he says.

“Maybe we should eat first…” you freeze, before jumping out of the car. “I left pasta on the stove!”


	16. Sassolungo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a few scenes from the team building event at Rifugio Comici in the Dolomites.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support and nice comments and question. I enjoyed your feedback. Keep it coming.

The bathroom renovations were supposed to end in January, but it’s already the evening of the first day of February and there’s still a guy in the bathroom working on the ceiling lights.

Mattia returns home late.

“I had to go shopping,” you say to him over dinner. “I needed a pair of snow boots. Silvia said that she gave you the red softshell jacket for me.”

“Yes, I left it in the work room. I picked Ferrari knit gloves for you as well. You should put something on top of that jacket though, if you want to wear it tomorrow. We would spend a lot of time outside and I don’t want you to get sick.”

“I’ll wear more layers, don’t worry.”

“Especially since you won’t be drinking. That’s how we usually keep ourselves warm, ha-ha.”

“I only need you in my sight to stay warm.”

Mattia chews for a while, smiling. “I decided to take part in the snow groomer GP.”

“Have you ever driven a snow groomer before?”

“No, but I think I can handle it. Also, I want to set up a good example of how competitive we should be.”

“You’re such a good boss. I almost wish I was your subordinate, but at the end of the day, I like my position better.”

“Your position?” he wiggles his eyebrows. “And what position is that?”

“Hello?” You hear the voice of the ceiling lights guy coming from the stairs.

“Yes?” Mattia gets up. “I’ll be right back.”

* * *

“It looks good; still a bit dusty.” Mattia studies your new bathroom. “Marisa will be here tomorrow to clean everything up before we can start using it.”

“I could clean it myself.”

“I’d prefer if you used your energy in a different way.”

Since you’re finally alone in the house, Mattia doesn’t have to control himself anymore. He approaches you, blocking the view of the bathroom. “You’re going to need a warm bath tomorrow when we come back from the Dolomites.”

“I don’t expect to be back before midnight.”

“I have a day off on Monday.”

“Oh, well… that’s a different story. Just don’t get too ambitious tonight, because we need to be up at six.”

“I can’t help it; Ambition is my middle name.”

“I thought it was Excellence.”

Mattia smiles. “Let’s go to bed.”

* * *

“Hi.” Silvia gives you a peck on the cheek. “Did you get your team beanie from Mattia?”

“No, I have not.”

Silvia rolls her eyes. “He can be as stubborn as a donkey sometimes… It’s important! Not just for team building, but also to protect his head from cold.”

“He doesn’t want to wear it?”

Silvia shakes her head. “He’s not a fan of hats or beanies. Doesn’t like how they flatten his hair.”

“He doesn’t get cold easily, but I’ll talk to him.” You take two beanies from the supplies that are waiting for the team members to show up before a bus takes them to the Dolomites.

“He won’t say no to you,” Silvia adds. “He wanted to travel in a bus with the rest of the team, before I talked him out of it, but putting a beanie on is suddenly a big sacrifice.”

“Maybe he just forgot about it.”

“He has a good memory.”

_Despite being old_, you recall Mattia’s words. You struggle not to think of what happened after he said that.

* * *

There are two busses in total, and two vans. Most team members have their skiing equipment with them. Mattia used to take part in skiing competitions in the past, but this year his focus is on making sure the rest of the crew will have fun.

If you’re not interacting with Mattia, you don’t attract any attention. Mostly because you’re not the only “new” person around. Mattia has a smile and a nice word for everyone. He knows every team member by their name.

The busses are long gone before Mattia and his closest co-workers are ready to leave the Gestione Sportiva. You’ll be traveling in a van, with Mattia, Silvia, Laurent and Jonathan. There are three seats in a row.

“I’ll sit in the middle,” Mattia decides.

Laurent steps aside. “Ladies first,” he says with a strong French accent.

Mattia wants to use the opportunity to talk to him, but he also wants to sit next to you.

You smile to yourself, when Laurent starts a conversation in French. Behind your back you can hear Silvia making phone calls in English and consulting Jonathan in Italian.

You’re studying the amazing views outside the window, enjoying this sunny winter day.

Soon, you leave little towns and villages behind. Hills turn into mountains, their tops covered in snow. The road is like a serpentine, and it keeps climbing up; there’s snow everywhere.

“It’s so beautiful,” you whisper to Mattia, when you manage to get his attention.

He grabs your hand; his fingers are warm as usual. “Wait until we get to the top. The sunset is unbelievable.”

What’s unbelievable is his brown eyes in the sharp winter sunlight. And the deep brown of his shiny hair.

“Is there something in my hair?”

“No.” You smile sweetly. You don’t want to have intimate conversations when everyone can hear you.

* * *

You’re the happiest bunny on the planet because Mattia is holding your hand in the parking area. There’s a lot of tourists, mostly skiers around; maybe he’s just worried to lose you in the crowd.

“They are already waiting for us,” Silvia says. You won’t be standing in the line to use the mountain cable car “Piz De Sella”.

By the looks thrown at Mattia and the way people are whispering to each other, you guess that they recognized him. But you manage to get inside the cable car without being stopped for autographs.

“You should put a beanie on. You will be less recognizable,” you say to Mattia.

“Yeah… but I forgot to take one.”

“I got one for you.”

“Oh, really?”

You can see Silvia’s grin behind Mattia’s back.

“I don’t need it anymore,” he says, squinting at the beanie in your hand as if it were a venomous snake. “I’ll use it later, for sure.”

“All right.” You put the beanie back to your bag. It’s too warm to wear it in the cable car anyway.

* * *

As the cable car is taking you to the next stop, Mattia shows you some interesting spots, the ski slopes he enjoyed and the trails that you can climb in the summer.

“Are Sebastian and Charles already there?” you ask.

“Yes, they’re using the opportunity to get some training. Sebastian is here with his trainer, Antti. And Charles is with his mom and… Charlotte and her parents.”

You nod. You totally forgot about Charles’ new girlfriend.

“I’ll try to avoid them, if you don’t want to talk to him.”

“What? I’m twenty-five, Mattia.”

“Sorry…” He makes an apologetic face.

Now you feel guilty for telling him off, because you know that he had good intentions. “I’ll stick with Silvia. You go and bond with your team,” you add, putting an arm around his waist.

He pulls you closer to give you a quick hug. “Thank you; you’re the best.”

* * *

You’re not being forced to separate yet. Just the opposite. To get to the shelter, you could use a ski-lift, but since you’re not here to ski, you’re going to use snowmobiles prepared for you.

“I’m driving,” Mattia says, pulling you by the hand toward the nearest one.

He helps you put a helmet on, as if you were a child, but you don’t mind the attention and care.

“Don’t go too fast.”

“That’s not the right request,” Laurent shows up next to you, fiddling with his helmet. “I was his passenger once. Just keep pulling him by his hood until he slows down. Like a horse.”

“Ha-ha, what are you talking about?”

You wish the snowmobiles didn’t have two separate seats. You could sit in front of Mattia, and he would reach the handles anyway.

He pulls away fast, but to your surprise, the speed doesn’t seem scary. The path is wide, no sudden turns, no drifts. Mattia is even trying to make the ride more exciting by zigzagging from one side of the path to the other.

“Are you drunk?” Laurent shouts; he’s right behind you, with Silvia on the passenger seat.

You can already see the shelter and the people gathered in front of it. When they notice the snowmobiles approaching, they start clapping.

Mattia speeds up, heading straight for the crowd. Your heart is accelerating, because you’re really close, you can see people’s hesitant faces as they calculate if they should jump out of the way.

Mattia hits the brakes aggressively, making your stomach flip, you feel like you’re going to topple, but then he makes a turn and stops the vehicle sideways to the crowd.

“Thanks, I nearly fell out…” you grunt, shifting in the seat, your heart hammering.

“But you didn’t!” He sounds so happy.

You’d hate to appear angry when people are looking at you. It would not be the right expression of your feelings toward Mattia.

He helps you off the snowmobile before taking the helmet off. He combs the flattened curls with his big hand; a bit of messing up and his hair is perfect again.

You take your helmet off, trying to act natural, even though you can feel people glancing at you with curiosity. You put the beanie on; at least you don’t have to worry about your messy hair.

“Nice blush,” Mattia says, smiling.

“Yours too.”

“Let’s go and say hi to everyone,” he reaches for your hand.

Now they know, you realize. The people staring who haven’t heard about you yet. Now they know that you are not Mattia’s daughter nor a special guest.

Despite the attention that’s completely new to you, you’re a happy bunny again. Not just that. You feel lucky and special.

* * *

Mattia is introducing you to every team member. Your face is already hurting from smiling at people, but you can’t stop.

“I already forgot most of their names…” you whisper to him, when there’s momentarily nobody around.

“They wear name tags at work, don’t worry.”

His words calm you down, because he’s right. You don’t expect talking to many people anyway.

“Got you two something to warm you up,” Laurent shows up with two glasses of aperitif.

“Maybe later…” Mattia says, glancing at you. “But thank you for the effort.”

Laurent looks at you.

“I don’t drink,” you say, a polite smile on your face.

Conveniently enough, Jonathan and Silvia show up, so Laurent offers them the glasses.

“Oh, that’s so nice of you,” Silvia grabs one and takes a big sip. “Are you ready for the pep talk, Mattia?” she asks, before taking another sip.

“I was born ready,” Mattia says, fixing his hair again.

You’re impressed because you haven’t seen him checking any notes today. Whatever he prepared, he had it memorized earlier. Or he’s going to improvise which is his secret skill as well.

“I’ll make a short introduction and then you’ll join me on the stage,” Silvia says, finishing her drink.

Mattia turns to Laurent. “Could you take care of my lady?”

“Of course!” Laurent extends his arm. “I see there’s a couple empty seats next to Sebastian. Let’s go over there.”

Only then you realize that you haven’t spoken to the drivers yet.

You pass Charles by; he notices you and makes a little nod as if to say hi. You manage a polite smile. You don’t want to act like he needs to apologize to you, because his love life is not your business. But you also can’t ignore the fact that he hurt your best friend. Jess might not be perfect, but she really loved him. The idea of a happy relationship ending just like that gives you anxiety.

Sebastian is sitting on a wooden bench next to Antti. The opposite bench is empty but it’s not facing the “stage”: the small podium with microphones where the DJ has his equipment.

“I’ll stay here, I want to see Mattia.”

“I’m sure you’ve seen him many times already from a much smaller distance. Let’s sit. The benches are heated,” Laurent insists.

You give up; you can still hear what’s going on. Silvia just started speaking.

“Hi!” Sebastian lifts himself up seeing you and Laurent. He approaches you first, greeting you with light kisses on the cheeks. “Are you having fun?”

“My butt is freezing,” Laurent chimes in, sitting down. “Oh, this is good.”

“Here, have a grilled shrimp,” Antti passes a plate closer to him.

Sebastian sits down next to his trainer. “Be quiet now; Mattia is speaking.”

At least one person is interested in the speech as much as you are.

Mattia starts with a standard look back into Ferrari’s history, recaps all the good memories from the last season.

It’s a bit surreal to listen to his voice together will all these people and knowing that you have a special place in his heart. Although you can’t forget how much he loves Ferrari. When you were born, Ferrari was already a queen of his heart… A cruel and demanding queen that’s sucking the energy out of him. She needs to be balanced by another queen. A loving and nourishing one. An obedient queen-servant who knows a little about sucking too… oh, no, you’re getting distracted.

Since you’re not able to see Mattia, you’re admiring the surroundings. The Sassolungo mountain behind the shelter looks majestic. It forces you to tilt your head up to look at its peaks.

Mattia is speaking in English now. Mentioning challenges and objectives, some of his favourite words.

Laurent is snacking on shrimps. A girl that you remember from the Ferrari cafeteria brings you a cup of hot chocolate. “That’s from Silvia,” she says.

Even though Mattia’s words are not addressed to you, you want the team to succeed as much as everyone else.

Mattia doesn’t make empty promises. He’s honest; he mentions the mistakes from the previous season, the ongoing engine investigation, some issues that already occurred in the wind tunnel, the 2021 regulation changes that will probably force the team to abandon the championship fight early. But despite all the stressful, negative factors, the people around you seem to be pumped for the next season. They are motivated to do the best job they can. Mattia makes them believe that results will come eventually. The key is to keep pushing, keep learning, keep fixing issues.

Before the speech ends, everyone who wants gets a glass of champagne. You get up from your seats as Mattia makes a toast. It’s the first time you see him with an alcoholic beverage in his hand. It makes you happy. Yes, that sounds crazy. After all you’ve been through because of alcohol.

“Are you pregnant?” Sebastian nudges you on the side.

“What? No! I just… I don’t drink.”

“I’m sorry. I have a weird sense of humour.”

“It’s okay.”

He touches your mug with his glass. “Cheers and forza Ferrari.”

“Forza Ferrari,” you say, feeling that you’re not an outsider anymore.

* * *

“Let’s get inside,” Silvia comes to grab you and Seb once the speech and the toasts are over.

On your way to a private room in the restaurant, you see people dancing, some with beverages in their hands. They were skiing, now they are drinking, you’re sure they are not cold, but you can’t say the same about yourself. Thankfully, it’s nice and toasty inside. You can take a few of your “layers” off.

“Where’s Mattia?” you ask.

“He’s giving out trophies for the ski tournament.”

You sigh; looks like you’re going to miss the sunset.

There are already people sitting in the private room, behind a long table created from three standard tables.

“I’ll be right back.” Silvia shows you your chair and leaves.

Before sitting down, you turn to the person sitting next to you. It’s Charlotte.

“Hi,” she extends her hand. “I’m Charlotte.”

You introduce yourself. The girl’s hand is even colder than yours.

“I’m with Charles,” she adds.

“I know.” You sit down, feeling awkward. “I’m with Mattia.”

There’s a momentary look of surprise on her face. “Nice to meet you,” she adds before turning to Charles who’s sitting next to her. And who just noticed you.

“Hi, nice to see you again. How was your winter?” he asks, reaching over Charlotte’s lap to shake your hand.

“It was great. The best, actually,” you say. “Have you been here before?”

“Yes, a few times.”

“What’s good to eat?”

“You want to switch seats?” Charlotte asks Charles.

“No, sorry. I just… I don’t know. Depending on what you like,” Charles says.

You wish you were sitting somewhere else, but it looks like Silvia didn’t have much choice, because there were only three empty seats. One for you, one for Mattia and one for her.

Suddenly, you feel a weight on your shoulders… A weight and warmth that are familiar and uplifting. Mattia’s hands.

“I will get grumpy if I don’t eat something soon,” he says, gently squeezing your arms. “And you don’t want to see me grumpy.”

“No, we don’t,” Charles says. “We already ordered spaghetti with clams for you.”

As a waitress continues taking orders, Mattia takes his seat, shifting the chair closer to you. “What do you want to eat?”

“I’ll have what you have.”

“I love the spinach ravioli with ricotta, but they only serve them in the summer.”

“That’s a sign that we need to get back here during the summer break.”

“That’s a good idea. I’d love to stretch my old legs…”

You clear your throat.

“What would you like to drink?” the waitress asks, looking at you.

“Just water, thank you.”

Mattia orders a glass of white Bordeaux.

You grab his hand under the table after the waitress leaves.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing, I’m just happy.”

* * *

It’s the first time you’ll eat clams, but you trust Mattia’s taste. You watch him eating, following his moves, hoping you look like you’ve done it before.

“Do you like it?” he asks, studying your face.

“I do.”

“We need to hurry up. The Snow Groomer GP starts in ten minutes.”

“The race… I forgot. So…what happened to ‘when you drive, never drink’?” you ask.

Mattia freezes with the glass in his hand. Charles checks his glass that he emptied a second ago.

“At least it’s fair,” Sebastian says before taking a sip of his wine.

“I was just joking, relax,” you lean to Mattia.

Poor lad started blushing. He presses his lips together.

“You can finish it.”

“Can I though?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He takes a gulp, holds the wine in his mouth for a couple of seconds, while his eyes meet yours. And then he swallows, his charming smile warming you up better than the strongest booze.

* * *

The shelter looks like a warm sparkle surrounded by blue twilight. Through the sound of music and loud voices, you can hear the engines roaring.

Mattia’s busy preparing for the race. It takes you a while to find him in the crowd.

You tug at his hood. “Mister Binotto…”

He turns, surprised before grinning at you.

“Your beanie, sir.”

The grin disappears.

“Don’t be a child.”

He takes the beanie and puts it on his head. “Thank you, Auntie.”

“You look cute.”

“And my head is warm,” he adds, turning around as the snow groomer driven by Charles passes you by.

There are at least two men with cameras in the crowd, gathering material for a short video that will be published after the event. You leave Mattia in peace, since the only thing on his mind right now is the race. He doesn’t even notice that he’s being filmed.

“Why are you standing there alone?” you hear Laurent’s voice coming from behind you.

When you turn you notice him and a couple other guys standing by a small fire, warming their hands.

“Come, join us.”

“I want to see Mattia race.”

“Is it his turn now?”

“In a minute.”

“Oh, let’s go cheer for the boss then!”

Together with Laurent you find a good spot to follow Mattia’s performance. You’re surprised how nervous it makes you feel. You know he won’t do anything stupid, but you also want him to be satisfied with his performance.

Maybe he’ll get lucky…

“Bi-no, Bi-no, Bi-no!” Laurent starts chanting. “I hope that’s not disrespectful.”

You chuckle. “I’m sure he’d love it, if he could hear it…”

Suddenly someone in a different part of the track picks up the chant.

“Bi-no, Bi-no!!!” More people join in.

“Now he can definitely hear it,” Laurent laughs.

You’ve seen Sebastian driving the snow groomer, and compared to him, Mattia is slower but more accurate. Unfortunately, the race is about speed, not accuracy. The chances that Mattia would win against real racers are slim. Especially if one of them has more practice than the others.

“And the winner is… Marc Gene!” the announcer shouts. The crowd cheers.

“He’s the slowest so far, isn’t he?” you sigh.

“No, third.”

“Who’s fourth?”

“Sebastian got a penalty for having too much fun.” Laurent offers you his arm. “There’s more competitors. You can try it as well if you want.”

“Oh God, no… I’m more into smaller machines.”

“I would’ve never guessed…”

You glance at him, just to notice a smirk that works well with his little French moustache. Not knowing what to say, you give him a nudge to the side. “I only forgive you, because you’re Mattia’s friend.”

“Hah, I’m relieved!”

“Are you trying to steal my woman?” Out of thin air, Mattia appears next to you, fixing the beanie on his head.

“I’m sorry, Mattia, but she just told me that she likes smaller machines.”

“Laurent!”

Mattia bites his lip, trying to supress a smile.

“He asked if I wanted to drive the snow groomer.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, love. Thank you for keeping my little friend out of trouble,” Mattia says with an emphasis on little.

“All right, all right,” Laurent lets go of you. “She’s all yours.”

“Yes, I know that,” Mattia says with the sexy confidence that impressed you so much on your first date.

He waits a moment for Laurent to join some other group before grasping your chin and leaning down. He kisses you lightly. “Are you cold?”

“Not anymore.”

“I want to show you something.”

“Definitely not cold now.”

“Ha-ha. Let’s go.”

He takes your hand, leading the way toward the Rifugio. Is there a little private room inside? Would he leave the party to share a short crazy moment with you? When you’re by the entrance, Mattia turns right, heading to the other side of the building where the snowmobiles are parked.

“Let’s go for a ride.”

“In darkness?”

“Yes.”

“All right.”

You replace your beanies with helmets. “What if someone starts looking for you?”

“Silvia knows where I am.”

There’s still the snow groomer GP going on. No one will hear a single snowmobile driving away.

* * *

Mattia’s driving slowly, down a wide straight path. You can’t see what’s at the end of it. There’s only snow around. The only thing that changes is that the music and noises are not as loud anymore.

“Could you close your eyes?” he asks.

“Okay.”

After a minute or two, Mattia stops the snowmobile and turns the engine off. You can barely hear the people, the music and the snow groomers far behind you.

“Keep your eyes closed, I’ll help you get off.”

As you take your helmet off, you feel packed snow under your boots. Mattia’s wrapping an arm around you, pressing you to his side. “Okay, you can look.”

You blink; there’s only darkness. Not entirely, because the snow is reflecting the scarce light coming from…

You gasp. “The sky! Oh…” The number of stars you can see is physically weighing you down. It’s so beautiful your heart hurts.

“I needed to take you away from the artificial lights… This is something you don’t see if you live in a city. Or even a small town.”

You keep staring at the sky, your mouth wide open. You feel tears coming to your eyes.

“Sometimes…” Mattia says, pulling you closer before rubbing his cheek against your hair. “It’s good to remember that there are things bigger than any of us… Even if we can’t see them. It gives you the right perspective.”

“Yes, but…” you swallow the lump in your throat, turning to Mattia. “There’s even a bigger universe inside our minds. And yours is the one I love the most.”

He shakes his head, as if he wanted to protest, but instead of talking, he decides to kiss you. It’s one of the most special kisses you’ve ever shared. Maybe it’s because you’re surrounded by raw beauty of nature? Maybe it’s because of the magical contrast of Mattia’s sweet, warm lips and the frosty wind touching your cheek? Or maybe because for the first time, you finally feel like you managed to express the depth of your love to him. Here, seeing the unbelievable beauty of this starry sky.

Mattia ends the kiss, closing his arms around you. Before he locks you in his embrace, you catch him wiping his cheek.

“Are you crying?”

“I just got a little emotional.”

“Oh…”

“I’m fine, don’t worry, ha-ha.”

“I love you, my big man.”

“Ha-ha, I love you too, my young lady.”

You bury your face in his jacket for a moment before leaning away. “I want to see the sky again.”

You turn to the shelter. The Sassolungo mountain behind it looks like a ragged black veil covering a fragment of the sky.

“Looks a bit scary, doesn’t it?” Mattia says, following your gaze.

“I was admiring it earlier… It’s so majestic. Reminded me of you.”

“Sassolungo? Long rock?”

You can’t see the smirk on his face, but you know it’s there.

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“If you say so…”

“I didn’t! It made me think of stability and strength and…” The man’s chuckling is getting on your nerves. You bend to grab a handful of snow; you quickly form a snowball. It hits him in the chest, just as you planned.

“If that’s how you want to play it…”

You dart away. His big hands can make seriously large snowballs.

You keep jumping from one spot to the other. “Ha! You missed!” you exclaim when a snowball brushes against your shoulder. When you crouch to produce more ammunition, a snowball hits you on the back, but it’s so soft you can barely feel it.

Mattia’s fidgety nature makes him a very difficult target. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t hit him. You try closing the distance between you, but his long legs are again tough to compete with.

“Just… stand… still!” you growl, irritation making you less attentive as a large, although still soft snowball hits you right in the face. “Argh!” you cry out in protest.

Mattia’s laughing.

“You hit me in the face! I thought you said it was disrespectful…” You let the snow drip down your chin.

“I’m sorry… Let me…” He’s right in front of you; his hand still warm despite touching the snow. He wipes the snow off your face.

Pouting like a real diva, you plan your next move. You lift your hand to touch his face, just as a distraction before making a move to sweep him off his legs…

You’re as surprised that it worked as he is. But as he’s falling on the snow, he pulls you along.

“Don’t… do that… to an old man…”

You’re rolling in the snow, fighting to get on top of the other, snow flying everywhere, clinging to your clothes and skin.

Finally, you manage to overpower Mattia (let’s face it, he let you). You grab a handful of snow. “I’m going to rub it into your face now.”

Mattia’s breathing hard. “Can I at least take my glasses off.”

“Yes. I’m not as cruel as you.”

He takes his glasses off. You make a move as if you wanted to smash his face with a snowball, but when he closes his eyes, wincing, you lean down to kiss him.

His lips part immediately… His mouth tastes so sweet.

When the deep kiss ends, Mattia smiles, brushing away a strand of your hair that’s tickling his face. “I’ve been busy today, but I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. I promise.”

“Oh, yeah?” you shift your hips, hoping he can feel you against his crotch.

“Tomorrow,” he continues, putting a hand at the back of your neck to pull you closer. “I’ll give you exactly what you need.”

“And what would that be?”

“A bit of this and that… Something slow, something fast…”

“Fast?”

“M-hm.”

“Like a desk-fuck?”

Mattia bites his lip, smiling. “I’m getting wet, but not in a good way.”

“Yeah, we better get up. You can’t get sick.” Just as you clumsily start picking yourself up, you hear a snowmobile getting closer.

“Are you all right?” it sounds like Silvia’s voice.

“Told you they were fine.” There’s also Laurent, driving.

“We were worried that your snowmobile got stuck,” Silvia explains.

“No, we just… took a walk and we tripped…” Mattia says, jokingly.

“You’re both wet! Let’s get you back to the shelter.”

* * *

Mattia warms himself up with another glass of wine. This time it’s red. You sip your spiced tea. Listening to the Ferrari team members singing karaoke outside, you enjoy a homemade apple strudel with vanilla custard. Mattia just came back from a chat with Charlotte’s parents.

“You want to see some fireworks?” he asks.

“Is it ten already?” you check your watch. “Of course, I want to see them.”

Mattia helps you put your jacket on; it’s not fully dry yet.

People seem to still enjoy the party, but you’re just tired. You’re not used to so much socializing.

The fireworks feel too loud and too bright, so instead of staring at the sky, you keep glancing at Mattia’s amazed face.

The fireworks are the last part of the event, but the party is not over yet. Some team members start to leave, but others are still dancing and drinking.

“Do you ever tire?” you ask Mattia, who’s moving from one group to the other, chatting with people and asking if they had fun.

“I’m tougher than I look,” he says, embracing you. “Don’t worry. We’ll leave soon.”

* * *

How do these people manage to be so energetic so late at night? You have no idea. There’s still a lot of joking and laughing in the cable car. Only after you take your seats in the van, Mattia and his closest co-workers finally run out of steam. Thank God. It gets quiet.

Mattia is sitting next to you, letting you use his arm as a pillow. Not just his arm, but his chest as well.

He’s touching your hand, making you shiver, until you fall asleep and stop feeling it.

* * *

“Where am I?” you open your eyes, blinking.

“We’re almost home.” Mattia is sitting behind the wheel; you’re in his Ferrari.

The fact that he’s still awake enough to drive a car is impressive.

“Did you carry me from the van?”

“No,” he laughs. “You walked.”

“I don’t remember…”

“You’re going straight to bed, my lady,” he continues in a funny voice. “I don’t want to see you falling asleep in the shower. I’ll take good care of your hygiene tomorrow… wait, that didn’t sound right…”

“Do you want to give me a bath?” you ask, smiling drowsily. “I’d love that.”

“I’ll give you everything you need. But now, the only thing you need is a soft bed.”

“And you in it, my long rock,” you add, making him laugh.


	17. Bathtub testing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia has a day off. You have a new bathroom, so it's a good occasion to test it. A bit of role-playing, a bit of wine drinking, a bit of desk-f...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naughty chapter. Be warned.

It is only nine in the morning. You are still sleepy; six hours is not enough rest after the exhausting team building day. But Mattia’s side of the bed is empty; his glasses are not on the nightstand, which means that he didn’t just go to the bathroom.

Yawning, you stretch yourself, wondering if he’s in his office downstairs. Or is he making breakfast?

Time to get up. No point wasting his day off alone in bed.

When you place your feet on the carpet, you notice a handwritten note on your bedside table.

“Good morning, my lady, I hope you slept well. Your bath will be ready at nine. With love, your diligent servant, Mattia.”

As you’re reading, a wide smile blooms on your face. Looks like you woke up just in time. You wait a couple of minutes before reaching for your bathrobe.

Feeling excited and curious to discover what he prepared, you leave the bedroom. First, you need to pee.

You’re delighted that you can finally use your new bathroom. You have a two-person, rectangular bathtub now. It’s still too small for Mattia to stretch out his legs, but at least you can soak in hot water next to each other. You also have a new shower. Spacious, with glass walls and a large tiled ledge to sit on.

This morning the bathroom looks even more appealing than you remember it from yesterday. There’s white liquid in the bathtub, delicate pastel-coloured petals floating on the surface, with a dozen small slices of lime and orange.

Next to the sinks (yes, you have two separate sinks now), there’s another note waiting for you. And a small hand bell with a wooden handle. “Enjoy your bath, my lady. If you need my service, use the bell.”

If? You barely stop yourself from using it straight away. Maybe you should get into the bathtub first. Or you better start with brushing your teeth. Once that is done, you lose the bathrobe and you approach the bathtub. You take the bell with you and leave it on the wide ledge connecting the bathtub to the wall, that can easily work as a seating spot as well, but also as a small table.

There’s definitely milk in the water. You wouldn’t mind it to be a bit warmer, but that’s only because Mattia is not here to be your main heat source.

You feel like an actual queen when you immerse yourself in the amazingly fragrant liquid; it’s not just a bath, it’s aromatherapy as well.

You give yourself a moment, closing your eyes. It’s nice, but it will be much nicer when Mattia joins you.

You grab the bell, feeling excited like a little child as you ring it.

Your diligent servant shows up immediately. Almost as if he’d been waiting in the corridor. He’s wearing black suit trousers, black shiny shoes and a white shirt, a couple buttons undone, sleeves already rolled up. Professional but not quite.

“Excuse me, Matthew, but who taught you to wear shoes in your ladyship’s bathroom? Take them off, immediately.”

You can tell by the glimpses of amusement in his eyes, that he’s happy that you’re willing to play.

“Yes, my lady.”

“The socks too,” you add, looking at the black socks he’s wearing. As he takes them off, he reminds you more of a dreamy businessman ready for a long walk on a beach.

“Are you enjoying your bath, my lady?”

You sink lower, making sure the only body part Mattia can see above the white water is your head. “It’s too cold.”

“Let’s me see what I can do.” He reaches to the tap before turning the hot water on. “What would you like to have for breakfast, my lady?”

You’re tempted to ask for something silly that he wouldn’t be able to prepare, but you decide to keep your servant happy. “I’ll leave it up to you. I’m sure you know my taste by now.”

“I won’t disappoint you.”

“Oh, Matthew, I love your confidence. Do you want to serve it here?”

“Yes, if that’s all right.” You notice a smirk on his face as he nearly breaks character.

“Take the shoes and the socks with you when you leave.”

“Of course, my lady. Is the water hot enough now?”

“Not yet, but I’ll manage.” You mean, you’ll turn it on again after he leaves. But you must remember that when he gets in, the water level will go up. Leave a small margin. “Mattia…” You stop him at the door.

“Yes?”

“I’d like us to have a glass of wine together.”

He seems confused.

“I’m serious now. I saw how much you enjoyed it yesterday and I’m ready to… give it a try again. I remember liking wine. When I was younger and before I decided to become abstinent.”

“Okay. I’m surprised, but also, I’m glad.”

“Don’t fill the glass up for me, though. I only want to taste it.”

“As you wish. I’ll be back in a second.”

You have time to second guess your decision now. But you’re surprisingly confident that it’s the right step forward. When you decided to stop drinking, it was supposed to be a statement for the people around you who couldn’t imagine life without alcohol. You’re in a different world right now; you can put your guard down.

Mattia brings you your breakfast first. It’s a bowl or granola with orange and cranberries. And a cup of coffee. The scent of fresh orange and warm maple syrup brings your aromatherapy to another level.

“What about you?” you ask as he hands you the bowl and a spoon.

“I’ve already eaten. In the kitchen, as servants do. Enjoy your meal, while I go and look for a bottle of wine that will suit your perfect taste.”

“Now you’re just sucking up to me.”

“I apologize, my lady. I was just stating a fact.”

Mattia leaves you with your granola. He poured a vanilla yoghurt into it. It’s sweet, it’s delicious, it’s crunchy… It fits perfectly with the aromas of your bath water. And the coffee… oh, it’s just black coffee, but Mattia can make it taste so amazing. You only started eating, but you already feel awake and energized. Ready to seize the day.

When Mattia returns with a bottle of wine and two glasses, before entering the bathroom he kicks off the slippers he’d put on before going to the basement.

“Found something that should be appropriate.” He tells you the name of the wine in French. It’s supposed to be semi-dry. When he pours it into your glass, you can see that it’s white.

“Is that your favourite?”

“No…” Mattia’s not filling his glass. He hands you yours, taking the empty bowl from you.

“The granola was delicious. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

You weigh the glass in your hand. There’s hardly any wine in it, but that’s exactly how much you want. You can already smell it.

“So… how do I…”

“Just taste it. Let’s not exaggerate.”

“Okay…” You take a sip, not too small. You hold the wine on your tongue, the way Mattia did yesterday. It’s… sour… You can’t stop a grimace. “Ugh, this is not what I expected. I’m sorry but… I guess I’m not a wine person.” You feel disappointed and annoyed with yourself. But you just can’t lie.

“You don’t like it.”

“No. Tastes like… piss.”

Mattia presses his lips together. There’s something in his eyes…

You take another sip, just to be sure. “Nope, I hate it.”

“That’s great,” Mattia says. “Because I hate it too.”

You gape at him. You get even more confused when he bursts out laughing. He takes the glass out of your hand and pours the rest of the wine into the sink. “Sorry, that wasn’t funny. I left a bottle of the real deal behind the door.”

“Did you just test me?” you ask, unable to decide if you should be annoyed, because deep down inside you’re still proud of passing the test. “I wouldn’t lie to you! Why would you even test me like this?”

“I just wanted to know if your taste buds work properly.”

“No, you wanted to know if I’d lie just to please you.”

“No… that’s not…”

“I’m not talking to you anymore. Let me finish my bath in peace.” You turn your back at him, reaching for a sponge.

To your surprise, Mattia takes the bottle and leaves. You’re waiting for him to come back with the “real deal”, but there’s only silence. You wait for a minute before grabbing the bell and ringing it furiously.

He shows up after a while, a bottle of red wine in his hand.

“Did I tell you to leave?”

“No, my lady. But you wanted peace so I…”

“Take your clothes off.”

“Ehm… I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

“Why would you say that? Are you married?”

“No, but…”

“Do you think I’m ugly?” You look him in the eye, which turns out to be a mistake. “I can’t do this…” You burst out laughing.

Mattia’s just smiling. “I’m better at this than you. You just can’t be bossy. You’re such a soft creature… And I adore your softness.”

“Could you take your clothes off, please?” you ask, using the softest voice possible.

“I can.” He starts with his glasses, leaving them by the sink.

“I’m still angry with you,” you say as Mattia is taking his white shirt off.

“That’s great because I’d like to atone,” he says, reaching to his belt.

“You’re not getting away with it so easily.”

“You pick the punishment then.” Mattia pulls his trousers down together with the underwear. “My eyes are up here.”

“Very funny.”

Chuckling and finally naked, he approaches the bathtub. You shift to make room for him.

Before getting inside, Mattia makes sure he has the wine and the glasses in his reach.

The water level rises when the gigantic man immerses himself in the milky bath next to you. It doesn’t rise much because that man is quite skinny.

“So nice that you finally joined me,” you say, your voice changing. It’s his closeness that’s activating certain processes in your body.

When he’s busy pouring red wine into your glass, you lean forward to kiss his shoulder. He doesn’t react in a visible way, but you’re sure he can feel your love.

“Let’s try again,” he says, handing you the glass. “This is one of my favourites. It’s okay if you don’t like it; some people just don’t like wine.”

“I like wine. At least I did in the past.”

He turns to you, holding his glass. “Wait,” he says, grasping your chin. “A kiss first.”

You’re sure he’ll go for a short one, but no… it’s slow, very delicate, but each brush of Mattia’s soft lips is followed by another, even softer, from a different angle, with a different intensity, focusing mostly on your bottom lip.

He stops the kiss, pressing his lips to your cheek in a loving manner. As he leans away, he takes a moment to look into your eyes.

“It’s not fair…” you say.

“What?”

“Of course, it will taste good now.”

His smile is everything. “Cheers.” After taking a sip, he closes his eyes.

You use the opportunity to taste the wine while he’s not staring at you. You notice the intriguing fragrance the second your nose is closer to the glass. The first wine you tasted didn’t smell so good. You let it rest in your mouth before slowly swallowing. This wine’s not sour, it’s not sweet either. The lingering aftertaste is surprisingly complex, difficult to unpack.

“Can you taste the black cherry?”

“Ah, yes…” You take another sip.

“And dark chocolate with a bit of liquorice. There’s even a hint of lavender.”

Now that he gave you the key to unlock the complexity of the taste, you can finally enjoy it. “I can’t taste any lavender, but… it’s very… nice…” you admit, sniffing the glass. “Even the smell is nice… I know I sound like an amateur.”

“It’s okay. You’re a fast learner.” There’s a change in his voice and you immediately know what he’s thinking about.

You finish your small portion of wine, getting a bit dizzy, but you know that it’s not from the alcohol. You could hardly taste any alcohol in those three sips you had. You’re just getting drunk on Mattia’s nakedness. On his closeness. On the anticipation of all the things you can and will do.

“You want more?” he asks.

“More of you, yes…”

His face serious, he takes your glass and puts both glasses away. “Come over here…” he sits up, extending his hand.

He wants you in his lap, facing him. Your naked breasts draw his attention as you shift to take the spot. You decide to rest on you knees, because that way you can lift yourself easily if needed… You can already feel Mattia’s excitement between your legs.

“Does it feel better without a condom?” you ask before you can control your mouth.

He’s hesitant, which feels like an answer to you. “It’s pretty awesome with a condom.”

“I was just wondering. I’m not… suggesting anything.” For some reason you’ve made him uncomfortable and it makes you feel bad. You reach out to touch his face. “I don’t want to take any risks. But maybe… in the future…”

“Yes, in the future,” he agrees, putting his hands in your waist to pull you closer.

“Okay, then let’s better move this…” you dip your hand in the water to grab Mattia’s semi-erection and pull it up to rest against your belly. “…little fellow here…” You want to leave it in peace for now, but Mattia’s reaction to your touch makes you change your mind.

“I was supposed to serve you, if I’m not mistaken,” he says, tilting his head back.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Yeah? Then why does it feel so good?”

“It does…” you agree. Your hand is like a gentle veil wrapped around Mattia’s growing hardness. You’re not trying to get him too excited. You’re just caressing him.

He let’s you touch him in an intimate silence. But after a while he blinks a few times before sitting up and pulling you closer to kiss your lips. This time he’s not delicate. He’s passionate, he’s strong. His tongue makes you fidget, and – as it probably was in his plan – you lose control over your hand.

Soon, not only your heart is racing, but your whole body gets so hot that the water seems cool. You must respond to his kisses with the same passion, but to do that, you need to control his head… You need to put your hands in his hair…

He’s distracting you again, his big hands on your bum, pressing your bodies together…

You recall your first sexual experience: the crazy make-out session on the couch in the living room of your old flat. It was so intense, almost terrifying because you had no idea what it meant to him. And you were still wearing clothes…

He squeezes your butt hard. “I want to atone… let me, please.” he whispers straight into your mouth.

You lean away to look into his eyes. Does he mean… Yes, he licks his intensely red lips…

“Okay…” Let’s not pretend that you don’t want it. Let’s not pretend that the wide, tiled ledge by the wall was not constructed for that sole purpose… for someone, Mattia or you, to sit on, while the other person is kneeling in the water. You climb on top of it, emerging from the milk like a horny goddess.

The tiles are cold under your butt, a bit slippery as well. But you’ll do your best to find a good position. An accessible position for Mattia to atone for his wine tasting joke.

He’s so eager, he cannot wait. His lips are already relishing your taste and you realize that he’s making the same face as when he was enjoying the red wine. It’s a satisfying, intimate discovery. It makes you feel good about yourself.

He knows your needs. You know his tricks. Nothing about this part is new, but instead of getting boring, it keeps getting better.

His goal seems to be to get you as aroused as possible, but slowly, because that guarantees an intense orgasm. It takes time and patience; especially in moments when you get all fidgety because you’re already close.

Mattia leans away, using his long thumb to smooth out the vibrating nerve, to calm you down a little.

You take a deep breath in, trusting him. Knowing he can make it perfect even though you’d love to come soon… You didn’t have sex yesterday, and now he’s been torturing you with that tip of his tongue, and his small, but able lips for God knows how long, you really need relief…

Looks like you might get lucky, because when he leans down to take care of you, he decides to slide one of his long fingers inside you as well. You know that trick. It’s awesome. Your heart is already throbbing with excitement.

The acoustics of the bathroom is something special. It makes all your moans sound closer and amplified. It will only get worse since the tip of Mattia’s tongue is getting friskier.

“Oh… yeah, right there… stay there…” Your whole body is tensing up when he’s flicking that spot; the tension inside you spiking. “Yes… yes… yesss… Noo…” you protest when he sits up.

“We’ll finish this somewhere else,” he says, propping himself on your knees to get up.

For a moment, his erection is right in front of your face, but before you can do anything about it, he’s already out of the bathtub. “Come on, let’s go.”

He grabs you by the hand, pulling you toward the door. The water’s dripping down your bodies, you’re leaving wet footprints on the floor. Mattia doesn’t seem to care. And neither do you. You’re going to a place where the condoms are, wherever that place is…

It’s not the bedroom because Mattia’s heading for the stairs.

You immediately think of Mattia’s office and his desk. The mere thought makes you gasp. “Wait… wait…” You freeze, forcing Mattia to stop on the stairs. “I think I’m going…”

He seems worried, but only until you slide a hand between your legs.

“I’m... so... sorry…” Yes, you’re apologizing for having an orgasm on the stairs…

“Oh, my baby.” Clearly amused, he pulls you closer, replacing your hand with his, because that’s supposed to be his job. “It’s okay. It’s my fault. I was wrong to deny you the pleasure. I’m sorry.”

He let’s you lean against him; his hand touching you until you’re present enough to walk again.

“I thought about your desk and I got excited,” you confess.

“That’s where we are going.” Putting an arm around you in a protective manner, he leads you down the stairs. “I prepared another surprise for you.”

After you enter Mattia’s office, your eyes go wide. The desk is covered with the fluffiest and the whitest blanket you’ve ever seen. The objects that are usually on it, are already moved to a different spot, including the photos of Mattia’s children who are now facing the wall.

“You didn’t sleep much, did you?” you say, approaching the desk to touch the blanket. Yes, it’s as fluffy and soft as you hoped. Your knees will love it!

“It’s still a wooden desk, I’m afraid.”

“I’m not made of glass…” You assure him, sitting down on the blanket.

“You are made of soft, sensitive flesh that’s somehow very resistant when it comes to certain physical activities,” Mattia adds, grabbing your legs to pull them up on the desk before gently pushing your arms down. He wants you to lie down, so you will lie down.

“It’s nature, my love. Our bodies are made to do this.” You notice that his erection is not as full as it was when you left the bathroom. There’s an easy fix for that…

“I think we can help the nature a little bit,” he says as a mysterious bottle appears in his hand.

“What’s that? Massage oil?”

“For erotic massage, ha-ha.”

“Lube? Did you buy it yourself?”

“Of course. You think I’m shy?”

“You ordered it online.”

Mattia grabs a small box and starts reading in English: “You can have your massage oil and eat it too, thanks to the folks at Exsens. This Mint Mojito massage oil warms up as it's used, and in turn, so will other areas (wink). It's also intended for oral pleasure, so don't hesitate to use it on your partner's member and slurp up—after all, it is _cock_tail-flavoured.”

“Oh, well… What are we doing here, then?” you ask, sitting up. “Come over here.”

“No, no. We’ll test it on you. You can’t use it on my member because I’ll be wearing a condom later. Just… relax… let me warm you up.”

“I’m very warm.” You pout, but you obediently lie down on your back again.

He spreads a bit of oil on his palms before starting a delicate boob massage. The mint mojito scent stimulates your senses, you can feel a subtle tingling on your skin. Mattia rubs the oil into your chest, squeezing your boobies from time to time, fingertips brushing against your nipples, keeping them hard.

“Why are you suddenly so quiet?” he asks before leaning down to give you a peck on the lips.

“I was wondering… if it tastes as good as it smells…” You grasp Mattia’s hand, pulling it to your face. You know what you want to do, you just don’t know which finger to choose. The obvious choice would be the index finger, but for some reason you want his thumb. You open your mouth, you slide it in, and you suck on it, forgetting about the taste… Because it’s Mattia’s face you want to see right now.

“You’re such a sucker,” he says, the combination of amusement and arousal on his face might currently be your favourite.

You pull his thumb from your mouth, there’s more of your saliva on it now than the oil. “I am… a sucker for you… Can I have my cocktail, please?”

“Without the oil though.”

“I don’t need the oil.”

There are moments when you need to remind your man that his needs are important too. He’s been a great servant but kneeling in front of him is still the greatest turn on ever. For both of you.

He loves your warm, wet mouth, he adores your delicate tongue, but today he doesn’t let you get too creative.

“That’s enough.” You’ve heard it many times before and it usually means that it’s time to put a condom on. And since you’re in Mattia’s office, that can only lead to one thing.

“Should I get in position?” you ask, watching him as he struggles with the condom wrapping in his oily hands.

“Help me with this first, okay?”

After a moment, the condom is unwrapped, put-on and coated with lube.

“I’m scared…” you say, feeling how slick it is in your hand.

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m so scared, I better turn around.” You climb on top of the desk.

“It shouldn’t be that bad, not with lube.”

“It doesn’t magically make you smaller, you know…”

“You haven’t complained so far.”

“Not complaining, just reminding you.” You keep talking, because you’re desperate to prove to yourself that your brain is functioning and that you’re not just a horny, wet mess.

You get on your hands and knees, happy to feel the fluffy fabric; it’s not only comfortable for you but it will also protect the desk.

You smile, feeling Mattia’s oily hand between your legs.

“Oh, it’s tingling…”

“Does it taste like a real mojito?” he asks, but before you get a chance to reply, you can feel his tongue getting a taste.

“That’s…” you struggle to formulate words. “Not the right place to do it.”

Mattia straightens up, you feel his hands on your hips. “You ready?”

“Yes.”

* * *

Ten minutes later, maybe less, you both stop moving. Mattia’s leaning hard against your body, panting, his head resting on your back.

The pleasant aftershocks are still rippling through your nervous system, making you grimace and shiver.

The lube made it effortless. It was smoother, it was faster. It was so effective, you were almost coming after two minutes of a relatively slow-paced thrust. You didn’t because Mattia needed to slow down for his own sake. You both realized that there’s only one good strategy for the desk-fuck, which is alternating between slow and fast pace. Slowing down when you are really enjoying yourselves requires a lot of self-discipline, but Mattia’s the right man for the job.

He couldn’t hold back longer than ten minutes though. You knew he was going for it when he picked up the pace for the last time. He clenched his long fingers on your hips really hard and the thrusts felt deeper than before.

He made you scream, slowing down immediately after you came. His shaky moan of relief made you smile with pride.

You feel relaxed and satisfied. You’d love to lie down, but Mattia’s still recovering. You’re going to wait until he moves first. When he finally does, leaving you empty inside, you quickly turn to look at his face.

“I need a moment…” he says, taking a step toward his chair before glancing at his oily crotch.

“Let’s get back into the bathtub,” you suggest, putting your feet on the carpet and extending a hand to him.

He doesn’t say a word. He let’s you lead him back upstairs. He’s clumsy, not fully present yet; hopefully still drifting in high heavens.

“Wait, the condom…” You stop him from getting into the water with a used condom on. “Let me… take care of it…” you say. He looks like he’d only make a big mess.

“Thank you,” his voice is sweet like honey, his eyes warm and loving. He doesn’t mind appearing weak and helpless in your presence.

When you finally stop by the bathtub, he’s already in the water, fishing for the petals and orange slices and examining them with a frown of confusion on his face. As if he wasn’t the one who put them there.

He turns to look at you when you start getting into the bathtub. He presses his lips together, his gaze moving to your chest and hips and back to your face.

“Auntie’s going to wash you from your head to your toes, my big baby…” you say, reaching for a sponge. You soak it with milky water. You lift it and press to Mattia’s hair.

“Could you use my shampoo? It’s anti-frizz.”

“For killer curls, I know. Where did you put it?”

“I… I don’t know.”

You are still disorganized after the renovations. You can feel Mattia’s stare on your naked body as you’re searching through the cabinets. Finally, you find the right bottle.

He looks like a different person when he has no glasses on and his hair is wet. His ears and nose somehow seem bigger, his eyes the opposite.

“I like the smell,” you say, as you start massaging the shampoo into his scalp.

“Oh, this is perfect…” he closes his eyes, enjoying your touch.

His skinny knees and large feet are sticking out from the water.

Mattia’s not a Greek god, but maybe you’re just not attracted to Greek gods because you love his long legs and skinny arms. If he’d ask you if you want him to go to the gym to look better, you’d probably say that you want him to be healthy and happy with his looks, but for you, he’s already perfect. He can’t avoid having a round belly; he’d have to starve himself which wouldn’t make any sense. Besides, it’s not like you yourself are an actual goddess. There is a couple of things that you always wanted to change about yourself. Mattia doesn’t seem to see them, which helps you to ignore them as well.

Leaving the shampoo in his hair, you delicately touch his neck.

He opens his eyes. “You could use soap…”

“I’m going to lick you clean.”

“Eww… I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“I was just joking. Or maybe I wasn’t.” You lean forward to press you lips to his neck.

He fidgets when you taste his skin with your tongue. It’s salty with sweat.

You take your time, kissing each little spot on his neck and under his chin, listening to how his breathing is changing.

You only want to give him a bath, but if he gets hard in the process, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Since he’s not touching you, he’s probably trying not to turn this hygiene related activity into a different one.

“Shampoo’s getting in my eye…”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll rinse it off, but we should probably take a quick shower before we leave, okay? There’s too much stuff in this water.”

“There will be even more stuff if you keep touching me…”

“Is this a warning?”

“No, just a fact.”

Not just a fact, but also a helpful tip.

“Okay, your head is done, let’s move to your hands and arms.”

His wrists might be skinny, but yours are still skinnier. Your veins are almost invisible compared to his. You use the soap this time, washing him slowly and meticulously. And after rinsing the soap off, you pull his hand to your lips, kissing his palm, kissing his wrist, kissing his forearm, kissing his hairless arm… It’s one of the few smooth areas on his body.

He licks his lips, but he doesn’t respond to your caress. He doesn’t want to disturb.

You could move to his chest and belly now, but you decide to leave it for later. You shift to the opposite side of the bathtub, reaching for his big foot.

“No, stop… I’m ticklish.” He bends his knees, forcing you to let go.

“I wasn’t going to tickle you.”

“I know, but…”

“Let me at least try. Maybe it won’t be that bad.”

Grimacing, he let’s you grab his ankle.

“It doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“So why are you grimacing?”

“Because I’m trying not to kick you in the face.”

“That bad, huh? All right, give me a second to take care of your other foot and…” You barely touch it because he really seems to be on edge. Big baby, indeed.

You shift to focus on his hairy shins. You massage his calves before soaping his knees and washing the soap away with a sponge.

“Could you turn around? I’d like to wash your back now.”

He blinks four times. It takes him a while to process your words. Looks like he just got mesmerized by your hands washing his knees… Or maybe he was expecting you to move to his thighs and it distracted him a little.

“Sure.”

Ah, you forgot about the kisses! Maybe he was waiting for you to kiss his knees… God damn it, too late. But you’ll give more love to his back. And to the nape of his neck. If his back is as sensitive as yours, he’ll enjoy it a lot.

You start with the soap, using gentle hand motions, you proceed with the sponge. And only when you are sure that there’s no soap left on his skin, you lean forward pressing your lips to his shoulder. He straightens up a little. You kiss another spot, this time harder, making a loud kissing sound. When you’re caressing the nape of his neck, you allow yourself to use your tongue. Just to remind him what it feels like… how warm and delicate it is…

You lean away for a second, before starting to press hard kisses down the line of his spine… One, two, three… many… as many as you can before you’re blocked by the surface of the water.

It’s probably the right time to repeat the same thing but on his chest.

“Okay, your back is clean…” Your voice sounds different already, giving away your intentions.

Mattia turns around… There’s a hint of a blush on his cheeks.

“I want to wash your chest and your belly now, but you’d have to lift yourself up.”

As he changes position, his chest emerges from the water. There’s still not much belly to see, but it’s a good start.

You’ve washed his chest many times in the shower, but this time is different, because everything takes more time. And Mattia’s staring at you, his lips parted. You’re tempted to kiss him, but you know that would be the end of this bath.

You have other spots to kiss. You lean down, your lips brushing against his collar bone. You can feel his warm breath tickling your hair. You can only imagine how difficult it is for him to keep his hands off you. Or maybe it’s one of those rare moments when he just wants to be loved.

Kissing hairy spots is tricky but nuzzling them is great. His chest hair feels soft against your cheek, his skin smells arousing.

Once you focus on kisses, you forget about the soap… In your defence, you’re distracted because you can’t wait to take care of his crotch.

You tell yourself to be patient. It’s his day off; you doesn’t need to rush.

He twitches when you touch his nipple; you recognize the grimace on his face.

“Ticklish again?”

“Yes.”

While washing Mattia’s chest, you try to avoid touching his nipples. It takes a while to get rid of all the soap. You want to delay the next move as much as possible, but at some point, there is just nothing left to wash…

“Could you get up?”

“I can’t. I’m shy.”

You glance into his eyes. “Maybe a bit of wine would help?”

“Yeah, actually… That’s a great idea.” Looks like he forgot that you still have an almost full bottle at hand.

You fill his glass up.

“I’ll be right back,” you say, leaving him slightly surprised, but also awed by the sudden view of your naked body.

You quickly dry yourself with a towel, while he sips the wine. Hurriedly, you run downstairs back to his office. You shiver at the sight of the desk, remembering what happened here not that long ago.

Where’s that bottle… Ah, here it is. You grab the lube and you run back to Mattia.

He’s still sitting low in the bathtub. “I thought you were supposed get rid of the oil in the bath,” he says, noticing the bottle.

“I want my cocktail.”

He closes his eyes and smiles in his special way.

After getting into the bathtub, you pat the tiled ledge. “Could you sit over here?”

“Can I finish my wine first?”

“You can have it up here.”

“I don’t want to spill it.”

“You won’t. Come on. Don’t act so defensive. We both know you want it.”

He sighs, with, before propping himself up on the ledge to emerge from the milky water.

“Oh, mister Binotto… Congratulations on the size of your member.”

“I’m going to spill the wine, just wait…” he chuckles, sitting down, staring at the glass in his shaking hand.

“You can make as much mess as you want here, sir.”

“I don’t want to waste perfect wine.”

“Oh, okay.” Your mouth is filing with saliva already. You remind yourself that you’re supposed to wash him first. There’s still his belly and thighs left to clean.

As you reach for the soap, he visibly relaxes. You spread the soap on his belly, trying to avoid touching something else. You then decide to take care of the hairiest spots on his thighs. He parts his legs when the back of your hand brushes against his testicle. Careful there… Easy with the soap or it’ll take ages to rinse it off. You use the sponge for it again, watching as the water drips down Mattia’s thick, curly pubes.

Why are you washing him if you’re going to use the lube?

Well, because you can. And because you like the way he’s looking at you.

You’re torturing him again, but in a different way. He can’t wait for you to take care of the only body part that matters. But you’re a decent girl, who’s pretending not to see it. Even though it’s right in front of you.

You dip the sponge in the water before dropping it. You shift closer, positioning yourself cosily between Mattia’s legs.

He immediately puts the glass down; there’s still some wine left in it.

“Can I?” you ask, pointing at it with your head.

He hands you the glass, but you don’t reach out. You just open your mouth. He gets it quickly. He lifts the glass to pour the wine directly into your mouth. A little bit, just enough to swallow. But then maybe by accident or maybe not, his hand trembles and the rest of the wine gushes into your throat. You can’t keep up with swallowing, some of it spills over the corners of your lips, streaming down your chin…

You hold what’s left on your tongue before swallowing. Ignoring the fact that there’s wine on your chin, now dripping down your neck, you go back to your washing routine. Sinking into the water, you lean to press you lips to Mattia’s round belly, you can feel his thigh muscles tense up, when his hot erection brushes against your ear; that’s the only contact he’ll get for now.

He puts the empty glass away, taking a deep breath in before slowly letting it out. The man’s ready.

Your lips shift to the spot where Mattia’s pubes turn into regular hairs that you can see on his legs. You kiss his thigh. The skin on his hips is smooth… it begs for a little tongue teasing. You don’t need to do anything crazy; your head is close to his crotch, your hair and ear brush against his erection again; that’s enough to get him even more excited. You repeat everything on the other side of Mattia’s body.

“Okay. One last part left.” You just can’t deny yourself looking into his eyes.

He looks really, really tense. So tense he doesn’t even smile back. Breathing through his mouth, he keeps licking his lips but they get dry again. There’s a little wrinkle between his eyebrows as if he was already frowning, even though you’re not even touching him.

You recall how you climaxed on the stairs just because you realized that you were about to be fucked from behind on his desk… Now imagine how he must be feeling right now…

Smiling to yourself, you reach for the bottle. You pour a bit of the oil on your palm. You can’t wait to taste it again, but first you want to see if Mattia will enjoy the warm tingling. You wrap your oily palm around his hardness before moving your hand to spread the lube.

You already love the minimal friction. The slickness of the movement. You would probably get a similar result from drooling, but in this case, more is more…

When the tip of Mattia’s erection is glistening with oil, you lean down to taste it with your tongue.

You recall your own words: that’s not the right place to do it. You remember when he tasted a similar mixture of mint, lime, and your natural flavours.

But it tastes so good… you crave more of it…

You shift closer to Mattia’s crotch, resting your elbows on his thighs. Grabbing his slick erection with both hands, you swallow the tip and give it a gentle suck. You let it slide out of your mouth with a sensual popping sound before swallowing it again. And again. And again. Every time you push it slightly deeper into your mouth until it tickles the back of your throat.

You can feel Mattia’s bliss from his body into your skin, from your brain, through your spine to your underbelly, making you fidget with pleasure.

After a while, Mattia’s natural taste grows stronger. You lean away, touching him with just your hand, watching a droplet of pre-cum appearing on the tip. When you lick it off a strange growl comes out of his throat. “Oh my God…” he huffs, shaking his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“No… not wrong…” he reaches out to touch your face and you realize how much you missed his long, warm fingers. “I just… you are so…” he shakes his head again. He has no words, but his touch is telling you what he’s thinking. How he is feeling…

When your gaze shifts back to his dripping hardness, his fingers move to your hair. His touch is delicate, but you can sense a certain urge to it. He’s almost pushing you down.

You give the man what he needs, taking him deep inside your mouth again. His breathing gets shaky; you listen to it, ready to stop if he asks you to. You clench your hand a little harder while moving your head faster. This should give him the right stimulation to come.

He has that deep grimace on his face… It will get messy in a second. Time to move the tip away from your face. The lube allows you to move your hand really fast. Seeing Mattia on a verge of an orgasm creates an strong tension inside you as well.

When he finally comes, gasping and grimacing, you slide a hand between your legs. With a few precise strokes, you help yourself to an orgasm, resting your head on Mattia’s cum-stained thigh.

As you’re slowly recovering, you can feel Mattia’s hand caressing your shoulder.

“If we stay here even for a minute longer, we will dissolve into liquid…” he says, his voice seems to be coming from afar. He grabs the sponge before grasping your chin to wash the lube off your lips and chin. And the wine that trickled down your neck. And the lube that’s still on your hands. He then gets rid of the come and lube on his crotch.

You’re both clumsy like drunks when you are getting under the shower. It’s not going to take long. You just need to rinse off all the traces of shampoo from Mattia’s hair and the milky bath water.

The shower ends with a high-pitched scream, because Mattia decides to spray you both with cold water. It’s not pleasant, but it works great to get you sober and awake.

“You know what happens when you spend too much time in the water?” he asks, grabbing a towel.

“You have to pee?”

“No,” he chuckles. “Your skin gets dry. We both could use some moisturizer.”

“Will you apply it?”

“You bet I will.”

And he does, giving himself an excuse to touch you. He avoids touching your lady parts though, because the moisturizer is not made for them (also, let’s face it, they’re always wet).

“Thank you for all the surprises you prepared for me today,” you say. “I had a lot of fun.”

He smiles. “You’re welcome.”

“I’ll clean everything up,” you offer before your stomach rumbles loudly.

Mattia’s smile grows wider. “I’ll make something to eat.”


	18. Cinderella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia leaves to Reggio Emilia for the car launch ceremony. You stay at home suffering from period cramps (or that's just what he's supposed to think). Once he's gone, you proceed with your excellent plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, surprise. I bet you didn't expect an update so soon. I was writing in secret. Hahaha. It was hard to keep quiet. This is one of my favourite chapters at the moment. It was fun to write. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

“It’s going to be excellent. You will be the most gorgeous man on that stage. Confident and sexy, and elegant… Just gorgeous.”

“You already said that.” Mattia zips up a navy blue pullover. “I just hope I won’t forget my part of the presentation.”

“You won’t.” You fix the warm compress on your belly. “And even if you do, you’re great at improvising.”

“Silvia would kill me!” He runs a hand through his hair. “Thank you for ironing my shirt.”

“You’re welcome. I wish I could do more.”

“No, it’s all right. You rest and try to survive.” He steps closer to the bed, leans down, and kisses you gently. “You, women, are so unlucky with this pain you have to go through every month.”

“It’s not the worst thing in the world,” you say, avoiding his gaze as he straightens himself up.

“I love you,” he says. “Don’t stay up waiting for me, because I'll be back very late.”

“I’ll wait. I won’t be tired because I have nothing to do today.”

“All right, as you wish.”

“Good luck. And try to have fun.”

“I’ll try.”

When he leaves the bedroom, you feel like punching yourself in the face. Lying to him is awful! You comfort yourself with the thought that he will find out the truth in a couple of hours and hopefully he won’t be angry with you.

Mattia’s leaving for the car launch ceremony that will take place in Teatro Municipale in Reggio Emilia. A company car is already waiting for him in front of his house with Silvia and Marc Gene in the back seats. During an hour long drive they will have enough time to practice their speeches.

Silvia knows your plan. She knows that you are not on your period. She knows that you’re planning to drive to the theatre yourself and see the presentation with your own eyes. You’re going to clap for your lovely king without him knowing that you’re there.

You thought long and hard about this. You could see how nervous but also excited he was after coming back from the first visit in the theatre. He’s been part of car launches in the past, but this one is special. He wants to make it sophisticated and classy, because, as he said, “we’re worth it”.

As busy as he’s been, he was always able to find an hour for you during the day. The nights were all yours. In return, you decided to take a step back today. Your presence before the event would most likely distract him. Knowing his protectiveness, he’d keep wondering if you’re okay even if you’d assure him that you can take care of yourself.

It was Silvia who suggested that you should come to the launch without telling Mattia. She got you an invitation. She even wanted to send you a driver, but you declined. Reggio Emilia is not far from where you live, you can drive there yourself. Mattia will surely appreciate the gesture when he finds out. At least you hope he will.

After making sure that the car with the Ferrari management has already driven away, you walk up to a large closet in the bedroom where you keep most of your clothes. You bought a red velvet dress for the occasion. It’s knee-length, half-sleeve, perfect for winter, simple and elegant. You’re going to put a coat on top of it. You’ll take high heals with you to put them on once you get to the theatre.

You’re still not sure what to do with your hair. You would love to wear red lipstick, but you can’t put it on with enough precision. Your lips will probably get naturally red with excitement when you see Mattia.

You hope you won’t run into him by accident before the show starts. Red dress is eye catching. Too late to worry about that. You will have to keep your eyes open and be ready to duck if you see him on the horizon. He’s so tall, he will be easy to spot.

* * *

Even though you’re not by his side, as he’s preparing himself for the car launch, it doesn’t mean that you can’t make him feel supported. You keep sending him short messages every half an hour.

“You’ll make all the ladies drool.”

“You’re the real star of the evening.”

“You’re the sexiest Ferrari boss ever.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“I love you.”

Most of the time he replies with smiley faces. Or with “I love you too.”

You can’t text him while driving, but you’re not worried that he’ll get suspicious. He’s probably thinking that you took a nap to be able to stay up until he comes back home.

You’re almost out of the town you now live in, when you’re forced to stop your car because of a huge line of cars in front of you. There must have been an accident somewhere on the road that blocked the traffic completely. You can’t turn around; your only choice is to pray that the situation will improve soon.

You’re getting annoyed. You left home early, just to give yourself a safe margin of time, in case you couldn’t find an empty parking spot. But now that margin is almost gone.

After thirty five minutes of crawling, you finally pass the spot where the accident happened, there’s a crashed car by the road, but you don’t pay much attention to it. You must drive fast now, faster than your comfort zone.

You’re glad that the weather is dry. Car navigation leads you to the centre of Reggio Emilia. You see a building that you believe to be the Teatro Municipale.

The sides of the road are packed with cars. It’s already 6.30; the car launch ceremony has begun. It explains why there’s not many people left in the square in front of the theatre.

You drive around the Parco del Popolo, nervously searching for a space to leave the car. You finally find a spot between two SUV’s, it’s not much, but you think you’ll fit. You cringe, as you drive into the narrow space.

Quickly you change your shoes, putting on red high heels and leaving the winter boots on the floor of the car. You grab your purse and you get out.

You check your phone; it’s 6.40. God damn it… So close and yet so far away.

You must cross the park to get to the theatre. It looked like a short distance when you were in the car, but now, as you’re running, trying to run in high heels, you feel like weeping.

You’re going to miss the presentations… But that’s not the end of the world. You better focus on your footing. You wouldn’t want to fall and scrape your knees or worse. That would be embarrassing.

Mattia doesn’t even know that you’re here. No need to panic.

You slow down as you approach the main entrance. You don’t want to look like a panting mess. You show your invitation.

“The stairs are this way. First floor, look for the door number eight,” a woman tells you, before taking your coat.

“Thank you.”

You’re surprised to see people still standing in the corridor and chatting. You can hear music coming from the main hall; it turns into a loud applause as you climb the stairs.

Your feet are killing you, but you try to walk faster. You can hear a female voice now; it must be Silvia. You can’t make out what she’s saying, but you recognize one word: leader.

Mattia’s about to get onto the stage! You dart to the door number eight, hearing a weird snap coming from the floor. You stumble, grabbing the door handle that saves you from tripping.

What the fuck… your heel just broke… Whatever, you’ll worry about it later.

Trying to breathe quietly, you open the door and you find yourself in a small balcony. There’s two people inside who turn to you. You can barely see their faces because only the main stage is lit.

You quietly take an empty spot, perking up with pride at the sight of the elegant, tall man that just entered the stage.

He has amazing hair; he looks smart and a little nervous. He doesn’t know what to do with his hand, the one that’s not holding the microphone. He’s shifting from one foot to the other, nervously licking his lips but once he starts speaking, he visibly calms down. Especially when he makes eye contact with the co-hosts on the stage, Marc or Silvia. His smile is charming; he doesn’t stutter, his voice sounds natural.

One time when Silvia is speaking, he pats his pocket and the other one as if he wanted to make sure his phone is there. It’s a habit of his.

He speaks for a couple of minutes, talking about the team’s DNA and the challenges of the regulation change. After his speech, Silvia finally announces the SF1000 car before leaving the stage.

The car is being shown, but all you can think of is Mattia. Is he still nervous? Does he know how great he was? Is his heart rate up? Did he think about you? Will he be back on the stage again?

The car looks nice, but you’re not naïve to judge it by its looks. From Mattia’s mood over the winter break, you assume that the car is not perfect. It’s supposed to be more adaptable, easier to setup and more comfortable to drive.

The show continues; since everyone is looking at the car, you look down at your shoe. Looks like the heel snapped but it’s still attached to the rest of the shoe. It would be better if it fell off completely, because it will be difficult to walk with a moving heel under your foot.

You could try to tear it off. Now would be the right time because everyone’s focused on the car.

You take the shoe off and you grab the heel with your other hand.

“What are you doing?” you hear a man’s voice coming from your left. “Do you think you’re a fucking Cinderella or what?” he mutters making someone snort.

Only then you notice people sitting in the little balconies next to you. It’s too dark to make out their faces.

“Shush, it’s Binotto’s girl…” a person sitting next to the man whispers loudly enough for you to hear.

Someone snorts again. “A Cinderella indeed…”

Do they think you can’t understand English or are they openly rude because they don’t care?

You put the shoe back on your foot, realizing that the man probably thought that you were going to throw it on the stage.

You feel awful and angry, but you’re not without blame. Who takes a shoe off in a theatre!

You’re glad that it’s dark and nobody can see your face. The lights are partially red; nobody would notice your blush anyway.

Mattia’s back on the stage with Sebastian and Charles.

It doesn’t matter what people think of me, you tell yourself. If doesn’t matter if I just made a fool of myself. They can call me whatever they want. What matters is that the tall man on the stage, the one that can’t stand still, has my name written in his heart. And I have his name in mine.

You manage to forget about the incident with the shoe because Mattia’s drawing all your attention. He’s so cute. He can’t stop moving; it’s been three times that Silvia needed to point him to a place where he was supposed to be standing. He moved again, glancing at the audience, probably looking for familiar faces because it helps him relax.

He is asked to say a word about the new car in English. He does a great job again. No stuttering, no weird pauses.

As you’re watching his restless long body, a smile grows on your face. There’s a lot of adrenaline going through his veins right now, but he’ll be tired once the show is over. You just hope that seeing you will give him a boost and this evening won’t come to an end too quickly.

Silvia invites the Ferrari Chairman John Elkann on the stage. He gives a short speech. You listen to his voice, but your attention is still on Mattia. It’s funny how disciplined and calm both his drivers look compared to him. They are like statues, especially Sebastian. Meanwhile Mattia is tapping his foot as if he were about to start dancing.

The show ends with Piero Ferrari and Louis Camilleri joining the group on the stage. Silvia gives the drivers an Italian flag. The other men hold a flag with #essereFerrari. Silvia thanks everyone who was involved in preparing the ceremony. The curtain falls, the orchestra plays a final song.

Should you leave before the lights in the audience get switched on? Or should you wait and check who’s sitting in the balcony next to you?

You decide to leave. You just want to be far away from those people as soon as possible, no matter who they are.

Balancing on your toes, you get to the door, you open it, blinking because of the brightness in the corridor.

You’re not the only person who’s in a hurry to leave. A woman is closing the adjacent door, when she turns her head, she smiles lightly. “Hello. Nice to see you.”

You need a moment to recognize her. It’s Pascale, Charles’ mom. She walks up to a pair of other guests, who have their backs turned to you, but you’re almost certain is Charlotte’s parents. They go to the stairs; you turn to walk in the other direction, hoping there’s another staircase at the end of the corridor.

Was it Charlotte’s father who called you a Cinderella? And why did it sound so demeaning? Like you’re a peasant who doesn’t belong to this world? But wouldn’t he rather speak French?

You get to the end of the corridor and unfortunately, there is no staircase there. But a door to a balcony closest to the stage is open and as you peek out, you see Mattia giving interviews in front of the orchestra; the musicians are already gone but their instruments are still there.

You duck down to make sure he can’t see you if he feels your gaze. Can he feel it though? Can he feel the warmth, the love, the longing?

You stay on the balcony until you see him leave through the back door. You hope most of the audience members got their coats and already left. On the other hand, it would be easy to hide in the crowd. You could hide your wobbly shoe in a forest of legs.

You realize that you can try to rip the heel off again. Nobody will protest this time.

It takes a moment of intense pulling, but you manage to get rid of the heel. You throw it into your purse, standing up to check the balance.

Ridiculous! It’s not normal to have one leg shorter than the other.

You go downstairs, balancing on your toes again, but at least you’re not going to trip over the heel.

“Hey…” Someone’s discreetly calling your name; as you turn you notice Charles’ press officer, Mia. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I changed my plans at the last moment. Can you tell me where I can find Silvia?”

“I haven’t seen her since she went to change her clothes. I guess she’ll be backstage. Mattia’s probably there too.”

“Helping her change?”

“No… I didn’t mean…”

“I’m joking. Is the event over?”

“No, the media representatives are behind the corner, over there,” she points. “Mattia will talk to them with Charles and Sebastian. I’m just waiting for Charles… to leave the bathroom. Did something happen to your foot?”

“Not my foot. My shoe.”

Mia cringes, looking at the damage around the missing heel. “Are you here officially?” she asks, looking at something behind you.

“No… Actually, I’m here in secret.”

She stops you from turning your head before grasping your hand. “Let’s go.”

Only after you hide behind a wide column, you realize that she saved you from being spotted by a group of journalists with Will Buxton in the lead.

“Mia… are you cheating on me?” You turn hearing a female voice.

It’s Britta, Sebastian’s press officer, wearing the same navy blue jacket as Mia and a pair of grey trousers.

Mia rolls her eyes. “I would never do that to you.”

You had a chance to meet Britta in the past, and she remembers you. As you are chatting about the event and your shoe problem, you see a group of people approaching with Charles’ mum, Charlotte and her family among them.

Mia walks up to them to explain where Charles is. They can see you standing next to Britta.

You wonder if it’s you or is the atmosphere a bit tense? Maybe you are projecting your own emotions on them? Why would they dislike you? Why would they even care?

Charlotte nods at you with a little smile.

It’s the last place and time you’d want Mattia to discover your presence, but that’s what happens. A door opens not far from you, Silvia walks through, wearing a similar outfit to Britta and Mia. Mattia follows her, running a hand through his hair.

Your heart skips a beat when you see his gaze move toward you. Maybe it’s the red dress that caught his attention… No, he’s not looking at your body. He looks straight into your eyes; a frown appears on his face.

He blinks in a funny manner. “I think I’m hallucinating.”

“Close your mouth,” you can hear Silvia whisper to him. “You’ll talk to her later. The reporters are waiting for us.”

Someone touches your shoulder.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to frighten you.” It’s just Sebastian. “Nice to see you. Did you enjoy the show?” he leans to kiss your cheek.

“I did. You were all great.”

Britta’s already pulling him by the elbow. “We need to go, I’m sorry.”

They walk away, Charles running behind them.

You are alone, standing by the column while there are new people coming up to the Monegasques nearby. They all seem to know each other.

You feel awkward standing by yourself, so you walk to the other side of the column, hiding from their sight.

Mattia saw you… He knows you’re here! He saw your red dress. Maybe even noticed there was something wrong with your shoe. Is he thinking about you now? Is he able to focus? Does he look happier? More energized?

Maybe you could sneak a peek of what’s going on behind the corner.

You’re about to leave when you hear someone ask: “Where did Cindy go?”

“Cindy who?”

“Cindy… as in Cindy-rella…” the person snorts. “She was just here.” You’re almost certain that it’s Charlotte’s father’s voice.

You clench your fists. You’re not going to hide. You’re not going to spend another second near them.

Taking a deep breath in, you leave your hiding spot. The people fell silent, the only sound you can hear is your single heel clicking as you walk away.

Did someone snort again? You’re not sure. Maybe you’re getting paranoid.

Shaking with anger and embarrassment, you enter the area where the journalists are gathered. You quickly spot Mia and Britta in a far corner, keeping an eye on what’s going on.

“You sure you want to be here?” Mia whispers to you.

You nod, swallowing down your humiliation.

* * *

You can tell the exact moment when Mattia noticed you standing in the corner. A delicate smile appeared on his lips as he straightened himself up.

His closeness helps you forget about all the unpleasant events. You don’t need your coat and you can only hope that your presence is warming him up as well.

The final presentation doesn’t take long. Mattia and the drivers take a couple of questions, but their replies are short.

Silvia takes the microphone out of Mattia’s hand. “We heard that there are still some media guests waiting outside. Mattia will be with them in a second.”

“We should go,” Britta takes you by the arm, steering you away from the crowd as the journalists slowly move toward the coatrooms.

Soon enough the hall is empty, there’s only the people who work at the theatre and the Ferrari personnel left.

Charles already has his coat so you assume he and his “loved ones” will leave soon.

“Where did you leave the car?” Silvia appears in front of you, rubbing her shoulders. She just escorted Mattia outside; it’s already dark and it’s gotten much colder. Mattia must be freezing out there without a coat.

“On the other side of the park.”

“Give me the keys. I’ll send someone to get it.”

“Here.” You already learned not to question Silvia’s requests.

“Here’s the key to the room we’re using backstage. You can wait there for Mattia.”

You exchange keys with Silvia.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Oh, stop…” She waves her hand, hurrying to the exit.

* * *

You open the room backstage; it’s dark. After finding a switch you turn the light on. You spot Mattia’s bag and his navy blue pullover.

What were his plans for the rest of the evening? What are his plans now? Will he want to have dinner with his work colleagues? Silvia looks like she could use a warm meal… But Silvia knows your plans. Well, not all the details, it’s a private matter, but she knows you’re not going back home for the night.

You pick up the thick winter pullover and you press it to your nose. It smells of Mattia and even his scent is making you happy.

When you hear someone opening the door, you quickly put the pullover down.

“You’re really here…” Mattia tilts his head to the side, looking at you with astonishment.

“I am. If you’re wondering if I’m just a mirage, feel free to touch me…” You bite your lip, feeling heat spreading all over your body. Where was this energy hiding a minute ago?

But then Silvia slips into the room. “Okay, I’m leaving. Your car is right in front of the exit.”

“Thank you…” You take the keys from her.

“Your car? You drove here?”

“Yes.”

“Will you drive us home?”

“We’re not going home yet.”

Mattia opens his mouth, surprised, turning to look at Silvia. “You knew about this…”

“Yes. I knew,” Silvia puts a coat on before grabbing her purse. “We have a table reserved in a restaurant nearby,” she turns to you. “You can join us for a dinner if you want?”

You hesitate. “Who else will be there?”

Silvia shrugs her shoulders. “Probably just me, Laurent and Jonathan.”

“All right then.”

“That’s great. See you later.”

She smiles at Mattia before leaving the room.

“What is going on?” he asks, taking your hand.

His touch is making you shiver like there was gentle electricity coming from his fingers. “I just wanted to surprise you…”

“You look amazing.” He looks at the dress around your hips before checking your legs. “Did you drive in those?” he asks, pointing at your shoes.

You snort. “No way. I couldn’t even walk in them, not to mention driving.”

“They look sexy…”

“Yeah, especially the broken one.” You lift your foot to show him the missing heel.

“Oh… I’m glad you didn’t hurt yourself.”

“Can you just kiss me?”

“Yes.”

He bends down letting you wrap your arms around his neck. His lips are the sweetest. The kiss needs to be delicate though, because Mattia has his glasses on.

“Are you happy to see me?” you ask, using your thumb to wipe a bubble of saliva that got stuck in the corner of his lips.

“Very.”

“I’m glad.”

“Will you drive us to the restaurant?”

“Do you know where it is?”

“No.”

You burst out laughing. “I’ll text Silvia.”

* * *

Once you put your winter boots on, you let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay, I’m getting jealous now,” Mattia says, watching you from the passenger seat.

“You want me to wear you on my feet?” you smile before getting behind the wheel.

You type the address of the restaurant into the navigation, wondering when your hands will start to shake.

It’s the first time you’re being Mattia’s driver. You know he’s not going to judge you, but you also know yourself and you know how easy it is for you to get nervous and forget how to do simple things.

To your relief, as soon as you pull away, he closes his eyes and leans back in the seat.

“Are you very tired?”

“Not physically,” he says without opening his eyes. “It’s the stress… After so many weeks of preparations, the car launch is finally behind us.”

You want to tell him so many things, but for now you need to focus on driving. It’s dark, you’re in an unfamiliar place, you don’t want to make a fool out of yourself again.

“When did you get here?” he asks.

“Right before you came up on the stage. I had to run across the park because there was an accident outside the town, and I got stuck in traffic. I’ll tell you more later, I just… want to focus on driving…”

“It shouldn’t be far.”

“It’s not.”

* * *

You park your little Fiat in front of the restaurant.

“Why did you want to know who’s going to be here?” Mattia asks, getting out of the car which is a show in itself.

“I can’t relax when there’s too much people,” you say which is not entirely true.

Should you tell him about the Cinderella incident? How could you not tell him? It’s going to eat you from the inside until you share everything.

If Mattia is as hungry as you are, you should go and order some food immediately.

As you enter, you spot Silvia and Laurent.

“Where’s Jonathan?”

“He dumped us for the Vettel crew,” Laurent says standing up as you approach. “Nice to see you,” he kisses you on the cheek.

“Nice to see you too. Where were you hiding during the event? I could use a company.”

“I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Welcome to the club,” Mattia says.

* * *

Mattia orders ravioli because he can’t live without them. He has a glass of wine; you drink water because you’re the driver tonight.

“I’ll skip the dessert,” Silvia says after finishing her meal. “I’m already on my last legs…” She turns to Laurent. “Are you driving straight home from here?”

“Yes. Do you want me to drop you off on the way?”

“That would be nice.” She gets up and turns to Mattia. “It was a great evening. You did an amazing job. We all deserve a day of rest.”

A few minutes later you’re alone with Mattia, sitting next to each other and enjoying chocolate and vanilla ice cream for dessert.

“Were you nervous during the ceremony?” you ask, enjoying the touch of Mattia’s hand on your lower back.

“I was, but only when I remembered that it was being broadcasted live. I had no problem talking to the people in the audience. I know most of them.”

“You looked amazing.”

“I remembered not to fidget.”

You can’t stop yourself from chuckling.

“What?”

“You fidgeted a lot.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“You can watch it yourself later.”

“It’s Silvia’s fault. She kept moving me around.”

“You were moving on your own. She had to put you back in your spot.”

“Are you trying to make me feel bad?”

“No… Of course not.” You lean to kiss his lips; they taste like chocolate. “I like how energetic and physically engaged you are.”

“Physically engaged…” he repeats, looking up at the ceiling and shaking his head.

“Would you be more nervous if you knew that I was watching?”

“I knew you were watching. I just thought you were watching it online. But no, it didn’t make me more nervous. I know how you feel about me.” He’s the one to lean toward you this time, but he doesn’t want your lips, he just wants to smooch your neck.

Shivering, you wonder if you’re not bothering other guests.

“I really like your dress… the colour… Red is the colour of passion.”

“I know.”

“Is your underwear red too?”

“Mister Binotto, you’re being inappropriate,” you whisper, pushing him gently away. “I wanted to talk to you about something… before you get completely distracted.”

He sits up, scooping a portion of ice cream. “I’m listening.”

“I think Charlotte’s father was making fun of me during the ceremony.”

Mattia freezes with a spoon half-way between the cup and his mouth.

“I forgot his name.”

“Emmanuel. What happened?”

You try to organize the thoughts in your head. “I broke the heel, but it was still attached to the shoe. I couldn’t walk with it moving under my foot, so I decided to tear it off. It was during the ceremony, I took the shoe off and the man… not sure if it was Emmanuel, asked me what I was doing. I think he…” you give a short laugh. “He probably thought that I was going to throw it on the stage. It’s funny now that I think of it. He called me a…” you lower your voice, “a fucking Cinderella.”

You can see the distaste on Mattia’s face. He’s not laughing.

“Someone warned him that I'm 'Binotto’s girl' and told him to be quiet. And he said: a Cinderella indeed.”

Mattia moves his jaw before swallowing. He reaches for his glass to take a sip of wine. “Are you sure it was him?”

“I’m not. When I left the balcony, I saw Charles’ mother and Charlotte’s parents. They were in the balcony next to me. But that’s not all. When I was waiting for you in the hallway, I saw them again. Mia advised me to hide behind a column while the journalists were passing by. When I was there, I could hear Emmanuel and other guests chatting. And someone asked, jokingly: where did Cindy go? And later he explained that it was a short version of Cinderella… So, I guess they were looking for me. And they gave me a nickname. Not sure if it’s cute or… offensive. I can understand the part about the shoe, but…”

Mattia shakes his head; you’ve seen this face before. He makes this face when he gets asked annoying questions by journalists repeatedly. “It’s about your status. He knows that you’re not rich.”

“That I’m poor. You wanted to say that I’m poor.”

“I wouldn’t use that word. I’d leave it for people who are actually poor.”

“Fair enough, but… Why would he be so childish? He knew I could hear him. Do you have some unfinished business with him?”

“He was always nice to me… although he did call me a taxi driver’s son once.”

You nod. “He’s a bit of an elitist then.”

“What if it’s not about me at all?” Mattia puts away an empty glass.

“What do you mean?”

“You said that he was sitting with Charles’ mom.”

“Yes.”

“You are Jess’ friend.”

You open your mouth, stunned by the suggestion. “I haven’t thought about it, but it makes sense. Pascale called Jess a gold digger and she must have told Emmanuel and his wife how awful Charles’ ex girlfriend was compared to their daughter. They must be thinking that… I’m the same.”

Mattia sighs heavily. “It doesn’t excuse their rudeness. I will talk to them because I can’t tolerate this type of behaviour.”

You quickly put a hand on his palm. “Don’t. Let’s ignore it. It’s ridiculous to even acknowledge it.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am now. I thought I was doing something wrong… But you are right. It must be about Jess. So, if that’s the case then I don’t care. I don’t need their approval.”

“But…” He grasps your hand, gently stroking your fingers. “Do we leave it just like that? Do you want to pretend that nothing happened? What if they keep disrespecting you?”

“Maybe… if we… make fun of them they will realize that I’m not as thin-skinned as they think?”

“Do you have something in mind?”

“I just had this idea…” you smile cheekily. “Next time we’re near Emmanuel or Pascale, you should call me Cindy.”

Mattia bursts out laughing. “I like the name. Reminds me of Cindy Crawford; you’re probably too young to know who she is; she used to be a super model.”

You roll your eyes. “You call me 'too young' again and you’ll regret it. I know who Cindy Crawford is.”

Mattia chuckles. You’ve never been more relieved. You both managed not only to disarm an uncomfortable and tense situation, but also to turn it into something enjoyable.

“I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they hear that name!” You’re so excited by the idea, that you can’t even sit still, but Mattia doesn’t seem as excited.

“Since we’re on that topic. Silvia already told me that people in the media want to know about you. They want her confirmation about your name, your age…” he trails off, letting out a tired sigh.

“And?” you ask, touching his long fingers, hoping he can see and feel that you’re not worried about anything. Not when he’s around.

“It’s your decision, but I wouldn’t give them your real name. However, they will need something… If you want to come to the paddock during the testing, and if you want to be seen by my side as my…” he smiles lightly. “As my girlfriend, we would have to give them a name that they could use.”

“A fake name?”

“Yes.”

“But what will stop them from discovering my real name?”

“They can discover whatever they want. They just won’t be legally allowed to use it.”

“What would you do?”

“I would use a fake name.”

“But… what if we get married one day?” You only realize what you just said when it’s too late. You hold your breath, close to panicking.

He’s not uncomfortable, is he?

He’s pressing his lips together, staring at his ice cream that’s slowly melting in the crystal cup. “It’s a fair point, but then in the paddock you will probably be called Mattia Binotto’s wife.”

Oh, he’s not uncomfortable. You feel so relieved, that tears are coming to your eyes. You manage to blink them away without Mattia noticing.

You feel an urge to change the subject because the idea of getting married is… too overwhelming to even think about it. It’s creating too many emotions to handle right now.

“I have to think about that name change. I could be Cindy though,” you say, wondering about your favourite names. “I like the idea of embracing my inner Cinderella. Although… you’re not my prince.”

Mattia frowns, trying to scrape the melted ice cream from the bottom of the cup. “I’m not?”

“You’re my king.”

A cute smile appears on his face.

“Especially when you’re wearing that suit… Thank you for not changing.”

He reaches out to caress your face; there’s love and fondness in his eyes. You can see that you made him happy by coming to the ceremony. He’s happy to end the day with you by his side.

“We should get going. If I fall asleep in the car, forgive me. Just wake me up when we’re home.”

“You said you’re not tired physically.”

“I might just doze off when it gets dark.”

“But we’re not going home, dear.”

“We’re not?” his eyebrow goes up. “Did you get us a room?”

“I did.”

His hand lands on your knee. “Such a shame you’re on your period.”

You manage to hide a smile, but he can read your face anyway.

“Oh…” he says, his expression changing. “I had no idea you could be such a nasty liar.”

“I’m sorry. I felt bad, but I knew that you’ll learn the truth the same day, so…”

“I forgive you.”

“You want to go?”

“Yes.”

You wait as he takes care of the bill. You only have the card he gave you in your purse, so even if you offered to pay, he would pay for it anyway.

* * *

“What made you choose this particular hotel?” Mattia asks, looking around the room.

“Too cheap for you?”

“To be honest, it does look below my usual standard.”

“It’s clean. I like the bed.” You look at the vintage metal headrest.

“I hope it doesn’t creak,” Mattia says, hanging his coat by the door. “I’ll just take a quick shower and we’ll find out.”

“I need to use the bathroom first. You stay here and… keep your clothes on.” You grab a large bag that you’ve taken from the trunk of your car. You get to the bathroom before Mattia, locking the door behind.

You snatch a few objects from the bag, attempting to hide them under your dress. But there’s too many things that you want to use. You’ll have to take the bag back to the room.

“Why would I listen to you, you nasty little liar?” Mattia asks.

“Because you love me,” you reply.

He sighs so loudly you can hear it through the closed door.

“You can take your shoes off if you want. And the jacket.”

“Thank you very much, you’re too kind…”

You smile to your own reflection in the mirror. This part of your plan will be a little tricky because you need Mattia to fall into your trap. You’re going to improvise and hopefully he’ll do or say something that you’ll be able to use.

You leave the bathroom, taking the bag with you. You place it on a table next to the bed.

Mattia has taken his shoes and jacket off; he’s just finished rolling up his sleeves which is truly kind of him. He knows what turns you on.

“Oh, I’m glad you’re still wearing that dress, because I…” He walks up to you. “I just remembered this song. Lady in red…” You turn your back to him, knowing that he’ll embrace you from behind. “Lady in red is dancing with me… cheek to cheek,” he half-sings into your ear.

You’re surprised to hear his melodic voice. It’s even smoother than when he’s speaking.

You feel shivers all over your body. They paralyze you, making it hard to move forward with your plan.

Damn it, Mattia Binotto! Why do you make me so weak, you weep in your mind.

“You’re probably too young to know this song.”

“What did you say?”

He laughs, hearing the fake outrage in your voice. “Ah… I said ‘too young’ again. But am I really sorry for that?”

“Well, it’s not about being sorry, sir. It’s about the law. And you, sir, have just disrespected an officer of the law.” You reach under you dress and you snatch a little, pink toy gun. You slip out of Mattia’s embrace, turning to him. “Hands up. You’re under arrest.”

“Oh… really?” he’s grinning, but he follows your order. “You’re the sexiest cop I’ve ever seen.”

“Sir,” you glower at him. “Don’t make it more difficult than it already is. Get on the bed,” you point with the little gun, nearly losing it because the trigger has no hole to slide a finger into it.

“Is that your standard arresting protocol?” he chuckles, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Closer to the middle. Keep your hands where I can see them.” You walk to your bag, snatching two pairs of plastic handcuffs. You keep them hidden behind you back as you approach the bed.

“What are you hiding there? A torturing device?”

You smile seductively. “You’ll see…” You slowly climb onto the bed, hoping your moves look sexy.

Keeping eye contact, you get closer and closer to Mattia, wondering if he already put two and two together. Does he even remember what you said about the bed?

When you’re in his lap, he makes a move as if he wanted to touch you.

“Keep your hands up…” you say, your face close to his.

“But… babe… where’s your gun?”

You quickly cuff his right wrist to the metal headrest. When he turns his head to see what’s going on, you use to opportunity to cuff his left wrist.

Phew, that was easier than you though!

“I don’t need a gun,” you say, triumphantly, watching his confused face. “And don’t call me babe. I’d advise you to shut up or I’ll put a bag over your head.”

“Oh god, no. I’d hate that.”

“I know you would… Why do you think I said it?”

Mattia looks at the handcuffs again. They are made of plastic. It wouldn’t be difficult to break them.

“So… what am I accused of?” he asks, relaxing.

“You, sir, are accused of smuggling illegal objects.”

“Are they in my pants?”

“If you keep talking dirty, I might do something unpleasant.”

“Yeah? What would that be?”

You squint at him. He has no idea. Let’s make him a little nervous.

You get off his lap, fixing your dress. You reach to the bag, taking a huge, white feather out.

“Oh no, you wouldn’t.”

“Oh yes, I would. And I’ll start with your feet.”

“This is not funny.”

“Do you think I want to do this?” You leave the feather close to Mattia’s feet. “If you keep being disrespectful, I will have no choice. It’s up to you.”

“Okay… I’ll be a good boy. I will tell you everything. And I won’t resist.” He looks dead serious. Probably because tickling is not his idea of fun.

“All right. I need to get more comfortable before I search you.”

“Yes, officer,” he leans back, trying not to smile, but failing.

That’s how you’re really going to torture him. You’re going to give him a nice striptease before pleasing him in all the ways possible. You learned that from him. It’s supposed to look like you’re doing something bad to him, or punishing him, but in reality, he’ll be treated exactly the way he deserves. With a lot of love.

You reach behind your back to unzip the dress. It would be much easier if he helped you, but he’s under arrest…

Feeling his stare on your body, you take the top of the dress off, exposing your arms and your red bra. You pull the dress down your thighs.

It was a great idea to put a garter belt on. You never felt sexier. You sit down to take the dress off your legs; you adjust the garters, looking at the semi-transparent fabric of the panties.

“I see you care about comfort a lot… officer…” Mattia breaks the silence.

“We, cops, don’t like sweating.”

“Only guilty people sweat.”

“Are you sweating right now?” You get up from the chair, looking at Mattia’s body.

He’s not only sweating, but also getting hard, giving you the best review of your new lingerie.

“You suddenly decided to shut up?” You approach the bed. “Am I making you nervous?”

“Yes,” he says without hesitation. “But I’m innocent. I swear…”

“Is that so?” You climb on the bed, eyeing Mattia’s crotch and making sure he can see it. “What are you hiding there?”

He shakes his head. “Oh, nothing. I was born like this.”

You squint at him, quickly averting your gaze, because you don’t want to burst out laughing.

“I don’t believe you. It doesn’t look natural to me…”

“It’s not natural. It’s a… deformity.”

You put a hand on his crotch, feeling his erection. “Okay, it doesn’t seem to be a gun… It’s still suspicious. But before I check it out, I better search you properly…”

Astride his lap, you start unbuttoning Mattia’s shirt. You’re happy to see that he has no undershirt on. You feel his hips move under you, as if he wanted to rub against you.

“What are you doing?” You look him in the eye. “You better stop that, or I’ll use that feather.”

“I’m sorry.”

You can’t look at his face. It’s too dangerous. He’ll make you laugh and ruin your act!

You work your hips, giving him the stimulation he was just looking for. You lean to press your nose to his neck. “You smell so guilty, sir,” you whisper, before pressing your lips to his delicate skin. “So… guilty…” Kissing his neck, you realize how weird it is not to feel his hands. But you don’t regret cuffing him.

You can’t take his shirt off, because of the cuffs. But you don’t need to undress him completely to get access to what you want.

You touch his sides before sliding a hand behind his back as if you were searching him.

“Let’s get rid of those dangerous objects,” you say before taking his watch and his glasses off. Getting off his lap, you stretch your arm to place them on the table.

“Are you still comfortable in your professional outfit?” he asks, eyeing your body.

“Yes.”

“I can see some sweat…”

“Your eyes must be sweating.”

He gets a little tense when you start taking his socks off. “I need to make sure you’re not hiding knives there…” you say, just to calm him down. You slide a hand up his trouser leg, feeling his calf. “All looks clear here,” you say after checking the other trouser leg. “Now, let’s examine that… deformity of yours because it’s giving me strange vibes.”

“There’s nothing there.”

“I can see your nothing. There’s more of it now than a minute ago.” You kneel on the bed, next to Mattia’s hips, reaching to his belt.

He lets out a sigh, leaning back.

“If you’re innocent, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Isn’t it?”

“I don’t want you to see my deformity.”

“You think I’m going to faint? I’m not some… rookie cop…” You unbuckle Mattia’s belt, just on cue, the saliva is filling your mouth. You pull the zipper down before sliding a hand into Mattia’s pants.

“Jesus… Christ…” you grunt, pulling his ‘deformity’ out. “This is… sir… this is illegal…”

He doesn’t have a reply. Maybe you should stop talking too. Your mouth has another use.

You know what he likes. He won’t be able to touch your hair, but you can always look up at his face to see how you’re doing. His long sighs are giving you goose bumps.

“Is that what you call innocent?” you ask before licking his taste off your lips. “You’re not only guilty, but… also… dangerous…” you whisper, going down on him again.

The grimace on his face is getting more intense. He’s sweating a lot.

“Thank the lord I’m here to disarm you.”

He shakes his head. “You’re doing it wrong. If you don’t stop, you will set off a very messy bomb…”

“Don’t tell me how to do my job,” you say, sitting up. You haven’t felt much precum on your tongue, but he looks quite ready, so maybe better slow down a little.

“Jesus… I’m sweating.” Pretending to be annoyed, you reach behind your back to unzip your bra. The joke’s on you because there’s really sweat between your breasts and under them.

“Would you uncuff me if I promise to be nice?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

He pouts. “Please…”

“No. You’re still armed and dangerous.”

You undo the garter belt. “Just look at this… thing between your legs?”

Mattia can’t help a smile. “It didn’t seem to scare you a few seconds ago.”

“Because you’re cuffed.”

A desperate noise comes out of his throat when you take the panties off together with the garters, making sure to give him a nice view of your intimate parts.

“I’m thirsty.”

“I can get you some water.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t want water.”

“You’re getting too comfortable, you know?”

“That’s weird, because I feel awful.”

“Whose fault is that, huh? Who let you walk with this… ticking bomb in your pants? I have to secure if before I set it off.”

“Oh, yeah, be very careful with it.”

This part is not a joke. Your fingers tremble when you’re putting a condom on Mattia’s cock. Without his help, but he’s keeping an eye on everything, giving you a nod of approval after you’re done.

“Could you… pull my trousers down?” he asks, his voice natural. You can imagine that the zipper is irritating him.

When you’re following his request, you realize that you will be more comfortable if you take his trousers off completely.

You barely stop yourself from smiling at the sight of him, with just a white, unbuttoned shirt on. And a condom.

“Let’s defuse that majestic bomb of yours.”

He smiles, closing his eyes, looking slightly shy, but his expression changes when you shift closer. “Are you sure your bomb defusing device is lubricated properly?”

“It’s none of your business,” you say, getting astride Mattia’s lap again.

“It kind of is… hey…”

He draws your attention.

“Come closer.”

You watch him lick his lips, wondering what he is up to.

“You haven’t checked my mouth yet. What if I’m hiding something there?”

You squint at him. “If you bite me, I’m going to tickle your feet so hard, you’ll piss yourself.”

Mattia cringes. “I won’t bite. I promise.”

He never wanted to bite you. He just wanted to kiss you and play with your tongue, just to make sure the bomb defusing device is properly lubricated.

What an excellent idea… It doesn’t fit with your act, but you both pretend that it does, kissing in a messy, ridiculous way, until you’re the wettest.

“Thank you for your assistance… It will work in your favour in court. If we survive this…” you say, lifting your hips to take Mattia’s hardness inside you.

“Uncuff me…”

“No.”

“I want to help.”

“Then shut up.” You slowly lower yourself, wincing. “How could you call it nothing? This is nothing to you? Then why am I so full? It’s almost too much.”

“You look all right.”

“I’m shaking.” You sit down, trying to relax.

Mattia’s breathing is deeper than before, he’s looking at you and smiling. You wait a while in silence, surprised that he has nothing more to say.

“Okay… let’s do this,” you take a deep breath, leaning slightly forward to prop a hand on his shoulder.

Even the slightest movement of your hips stimulates you so intensely, that you can’t help but moan.

You almost feel sorry for yourself when you recall how nervous you used to feel in moments like this. Why? There’s so much love in Mattia’s eyes. So much admiration. So much pride.

The way he looks at your body… is so empowering… so liberating…

As you're working your hips, you put a hand on your breast, squeezing it gently for his viewing pleasure.

He smiles, there’s a hint of cheekiness in his gaze that makes you suspicious.

“Are you trying to resist?”

“I don’t know what you mean…”

“This is not a game.” You decide to pick up the pace, hoping it’ll make him gasp, but instead of working on him, it works on you.

God damn it… What is with this man? Why is it so hard NOT to come?

You grimace, slowing down, but it’s too late. The pleasure is growing and growing and growing. You’re trying to hide it, but he knows…

“It’s okay, officer… It’s a hard bomb. Nobody’s judging you…” he chuckles, watching you recover from the orgasm. “But you failed. That’s the truth…”

You blink a couple of times. “Do you think I’m done? Do I look tired to you?”

“You look quite sweaty.”

“Where’s that feather…”

“No, no… please… I’ll be good.”

“Yeah, you better… be good.” Clumsily, you press a little plastic button on the left cuff, it opens immediately, Mattia’s hand dropping next to the pillow.

“Ouch…”

You free his other hand. “You were right. I failed…” you sigh. “Looks like I’m at your mercy now.”

Mattia massages his wrist, his expression changing from playful to protective. He doesn’t want to talk. He wants your lips. He pulls you into his arms before rolling on top of you.

You welcome the sweet burden of his body with a dreamy smile.

He makes love to you, pushing slowly, deeply, looking into your eyes, and sharing little, delicate kisses.

He climaxes suddenly, when you don’t expect it. You remember that his hunger wasn’t satisfied yet tonight, unlike yours. He’s a great lover but every man has his limits.

“I love you…” you whisper, playing with his hair as he’s coming back to you from the land of bliss.

“Yeah… I can feel that…” he agrees. “But now I’m really thirsty,” he says, touching your bottom lip.

You taste him mouth, praying, hoping that he’s still not talking about water.

“Can I express my gratitude for all that you’ve prepared tonight?”

Oh, yes, you can already feel the tickling between your legs.

“I’d love that…” you say, your voice barely audible.

He kisses you again before taking his weight off your hips.

You’re shivering. You’re buzzing. You’re dying to feel his mouth down there.

He’s not going to hurry because he’s satisfied. Maybe a little tired, but it doesn’t take much effort. It’s more about precision and dedication.

He doesn’t even need much patience this time; you’re halfway there because of the love making.

At one point he becomes surprisingly delicate. It feels nice, but it’s… unusual.

You’ve been enjoying the gentle sucking with your eyes closed but now you must check what’s going on.

“Oh my god…” you burst out laughing when you see the feather in his hand.

He laughs too before dropping it. “You’re amazing…” he says, leaning down to taste your wetness again.

You have no idea if there’s anyone in the adjacent rooms. If there is, they are most likely sleeping.

You are trying to be quiet now, but it’s hard.

Mattia’s techniques improved since your first night together. He makes you feel as if you were about to pee yourself. It’s a slightly stingy feeling that’s close to discomfort, but it results in the sharpest clitoral orgasm you've ever experienced. The type that makes you scream in protest.

“Shush… it’s okay…” Mattia’s laughing, he’s obviously proud of himself. “Just breathe… my sweet Cinderella…”

Once he manages to get the duvet from under your body, he rests next to you, covering you both. “I’m so proud of you,” he says as you snuggle up to him. “You actually can be bossy. It was spectacular.”

“But I like being your sweet Cinderella too…”

“I know,” he kisses your forehead, pulling you closer. “I’m also proud of you for driving here.”

“I would never want to miss seeing you on that stage,” you confess. “It was special.”

“It felt special.”

“You looked amazing. I was proud of you as well when you were on the stage. Maybe proud is not the right word… I was…” you think for a moment. “Impressed.”

“It was a good day,” he admits. “Better than I hoped.”

Your eyelids heavy, you’re slowly drifting into sleep.

“You made it better, officer,” he adds.

You smile, but you’re too sleepy to reply.


	19. Boring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia drives to Milan to take part in a live TV show called "Che tempo che fa" with Sebastian and Charles. He takes you along, of course. The chapter starts and ends in bed. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can watch the episode of "Che tempo che fa" on Youtube. [Here's a link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF-5lPOAn00)
> 
> When I started writing this chapter, I had zero plans. That's one of the reasons why it took me so long and why it's a little chaotic. But there are some bits that I really like and I think it adds something interesting to the story. Enjoy! Please comment, here, or on tumblr.

_16 February 2020_

You wake up in the middle of the night; Mattia’s side of the bed is empty.

You turn the bedside lamp on. It’s only 3 am, you still have more or less 4 hours of sleep before the alarm goes off.

You put your head back on the pillow, wondering if Mattia went to pee. You can’t hear any noises coming from the corridor. You wait a couple of minutes; he should be back by now. Maybe he’s in the kitchen having a snack?

You get up from the bed, reaching for your bathrobe. After putting a pair of slippers on you leave the bedroom.

Mattia’s not in the toilet.

Yawning, you go down the stairs. The light in the kitchen is off, but there’s a blueish gloom coming from Mattia’s office.

You quietly come up to the door, throwing a glance through the crack. Mattia is sitting behind his desk, staring at the screen of his laptop, his face tense.

“Are you watching porn?” you say jokingly.

The sound of your voice startles him. “No… I have better options,” he cracks a little smile. “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to do something boring to make myself sleepy,” he explains, watching you approach.

There’s a text file in English opened on his laptop; it looks technical.

“Is it working?” you ask, putting a hand on his naked shoulder.

“Not really.”

“You should’ve asked me for help first.”

“You looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb your sleep.”

“But now I’m awake, so… Let’s go back to bed.”

He chews on his bottom lip, hesitant. “I’m not sure if… it will work. I feel strange.”

“Are you nervous about the TV appearance?”

He sighs, taking your hand. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not usually nervous about things like that.”

“Did you get any sleep at all?”

“An hour or two.”

You put a hand into his hair, hoping your touch will help him relax, whatever the reason of his restlessness. If it’s work related, he won’t tell you the truth anyway, even if he knows what it is.

“I think you should lie down, sweety,” you say, your voice soft.

With a few clicks he closes the file and turns the laptop off.

As you’re leading him back to the bedroom, holding his hand, you’re feeling more and more awake. You start asking yourself it that’s the right direction. Sex usually helps, but he needs to be in the mood in the first place.

He doesn’t even take his pyjama pants off when he gets in bed. You get rid of the bathrobe, keeping the light on and making sure he can see your naked body.

He acknowledges it, with a little smile, his gaze pausing on your hips and breasts in a transparent way. There’s fondness and love in his eyes, but no lust. No hunger.

“We need to make sure you get at least three more hours of sleep, sir,” you say. “Or you’ll look tired on TV.”

“They’ll put some makeup on me, and I’ll be fine.”

“Maybe, but you forgot that it’s my duty to make sure you’re well rested.” You slide under the duvet, shifting close to Mattia’s body, your hand going straight to his crotch.

“Sorry to disappoint you…” he says.

“It’s okay. Just give me a minute.”

“I don’t want you to think that I’m not enjoying this, because I am, I just…”

“Shush…” You press a finger to his lips before replacing it with your lips.

Mattia kisses you back in a very delicate way. Your hand doesn’t seem to be making any progress.

“I can touch you all night, don’t worry.”

“Then we will both look tired.”

“Let’s kiss again,” you suggest, but this time you part your lips wider, giving Mattia a little tease with your tongue. It seems to work very well on you, but Mattia’s still way too calm.

“This is annoying,” he whispers, caressing your cheek. “It’s like something is stuck in my body…”

“I’m not giving up.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Stop that.” You kiss him hard, the frustration making you tense, but it seems to have the opposite effect on you than it has on Mattia. Another brush of his tongue makes your blood boil with lust that you unfortunately can’t transmit to him.

“What if I never get unstuck?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You should learn to take care of yourself when I’m like this.” There’s a slight change in his voice that gives you hope.

You lean away to look into his eyes. “Are you suggesting that I should masturbate?”

There’s something finally happening in those pyjama pants. “I feel awful when I think about all the hunger in you that I can’t satisfy. I’d feel much better if I knew that you know how to release it.”

“I know how to masturbate, don’t worry about it.”

“Do you? When was the last time you did it? Maybe it won’t work for you anymore?”

You almost say to him that you don’t want to masturbate because you know he’ll always take care of your needs. But you realize that he’s not worried. He’s talking about it because it turns him on. Which is exactly what you wanted to achieve.

“I don’t remember the last time… I think it was before the charity ball.”

“Before we got intimate…”

You force yourself to keep a straight face. You also pretend that you haven’t noticed that Mattia is finally getting an erection. “Before you showed me how great sex is… Before I learned what it feels like to be loved by a big guy… My hand is small, my fingers are short…”

“But I bet they are very precise.”

“Obviously.”

“I want to see it.”

“Now?” What a stupid question… You knew what he was getting at the second he said that “you should learn to take care of yourself”.

“Since I can’t sleep anyway…”

“All right.” You leave the hot member in peace, hoping that it will stay hard.

It never occurred to you that masturbating in front of Mattia would be a good idea. But despite feeling slightly nervous, you are still aroused.

“Just uncover yourself. I want to be sure that you’re not cheating.”

“How would I cheat? I will not fake an orgasm, never.”

“I would know if you were faking it.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just don’t think it’s right.”

You’re babbling because you’re nervous and you don’t know how to begin. Meanwhile Mattia has it all planned out. He gets up from the bed, he crosses the bedroom to get a chair and puts it opposite the bed, so that he can see your face.

“Please… don’t mind me,” he says, taking a seat and spreading his legs wide in a comfortable position.

The scene reminds you a little of your first night together when he was looking at your body with a similar fascination.

When you rest on top of the duvet spreading your legs wide, you know that the view he has is not surprising to him anymore. He knows every inch of your body, he knows you better than you know yourself in some areas, he knows your taste, he knows how your body changes when you get aroused. You can only hope that the view will attract his body like a magnet, sooner than later, because you’d much more prefer his fingers, his lips, and his cock instead of your own hand.

But the king commands…

You ran out of lube some time ago, all you have is your own saliva and you need it. Mattia’s too far away to ask him for assistance. He probably wouldn’t give it to you anyway.

You start with a gentle, slow massage, using your fingertips. There’s nothing special about it. No tricks or unusual techniques. You gently rock your hips to increase the stimulation once your body starts responding to it.

Mattia’s fidgeting in the chair. He’s looking at your hand obviously, but he seems to be interested in your face expressions as well. Your face is where the pleasure is expressed.

At first, you’re too nervous to make eye contact, but once you manage to get yourself relaxed by your own touch, you look up. You meet Mattia's gaze immediately.

You can see that he’s enjoying the show, you wouldn’t even need to see his erection to judge that.

Turns out that looking in his eyes is quite stimulating. You keep doing it, while increasing the speed of the massage. A little big more saliva… shame your mouth is so dry, but you manage to get some.

You only need one finger now… one precise point of pressure moving, rubbing, pressing… The pleasure is building inside you fast, but you deliberately delay it. You move your fingertip to a different spot, you decrease the pressure, taking a few deep breaths to give yourself a minute longer to enjoy.

Mattia’s licking his lips. His hand goes to his erection, but he catches himself and moves it away.

He clearly needed this show to get aroused, but now that he is hard, maybe it’s time to remind him how things work.

“I’m not doing it,” you say, letting your hand rest on the duvet.

“You want me to worry then?”

“Oh, I could finish it. I just don’t want to.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I will touch myself a million times, but only if your cock is inside me.”

He frowns. For a second, you’re sure that he’ll scold you for using the “c” word, but he just sits back.

“I’m not touching you,” he says.

You pout, putting a hand between your legs again. “Mattia, please… Don’t be so cruel. I want you…”

He works his jaw, his face serious. Does he really enjoy being begged? Or does he like pretending that he doesn’t want you?

“Mattia… look… I’m so wet… you can’t leave me like this… Please, fuck me…”

He fidgets, hearing the word.

“I want you now… I want your big… hard…”

He lunges toward you, nearly reaping the pyjama pants off his body. He pins you down to the bed, knocking the air out of your lungs.

“Mattia… condom…”

Cursing in Italian, he gets up to open the drawer. He’s in a hurry, no doubt about it.

His hungry lips are on yours soon, tongues meeting and breaths mixing.

“Oh… fuck…” you gasp as he pushes inside you, his thrusts are strong. You wouldn’t expect him to have so much energy in the middle of the night.

For a couple of minutes there’s only the sound of loud breathing and skin rubbing against skin, getting slicker with sweat.

You admire Mattia’s long body in the mirror on the ceiling, checking your own face from time to time. Congratulating yourself for being in this position.

You run your hand down Mattia’s back, trying to counter his trusts. It feels so good… he needs to know… you want him to know…

You moan loudly, seeking eye contact. You want Mattia to see you grimace.

“Yeah… that’s perfect… but slow down… I don’t want to come yet…”

He listens to you, even though it’s late and you both should be sleeping.

“You’re… amazing…” you growls leaning down as if to kiss you, but he just rubs your noses together.

“It’s my job… and it pays well…” you smile, putting a hand on Mattia’s chest, wishing there was more light around because you’d love to see your bellies and your crotches moving together.

“You want to change position?” he asks.

“No, this is good… I’m very close.”

“Me too.”

“Okay then…"

“Yes…” He kisses you passionately, before moving his lips away to focus on his hips.

A minute or two later you’re climaxing hard, digging your fingernails into Mattia’s shoulder. By the time you stop moaning, he’s already soft. Either he didn’t make a noise, or you just couldn’t hear it because you were so out of control.

You clamber under the duvet while Mattia gets rid of the condom.

You both stay silent. Words are not necessary. You know how you feel about each other and about this night.

Mattia turns the light off.

As you cuddle up to him, placing a hand on his chest, you feel his lips on your forehead.

_I love you too_, you think.

* * *

Mattia is a busy man and usually, even though he likes waking up early, he doesn’t have time for sex before going to work. The only day when you can have some fun in bed in the morning is Sunday. But this Sunday is different.

It turns out that when Mattia had trouble to fall asleep, he changed the alarm from 7 am to 8 am. He wanted to give himself one more hour of sleep. But unfortunately, someone decides to call him at 7.20. And Mattia is not a guy who can afford ignoring phone calls.

He squints at his phone, his eyes puffy from sleeping. “It’s Camilleri,” he informs you before taking the call. “_Bonjour_, Louis…”

You smile… Who wouldn’t enjoy a bit of French in the morning? Maybe you should dive under the duvet and find something to play with…

When you pull on the duvet, slowly uncovering his chest and belly, Mattia looks at you with a questioning frown.

Wetting your lips, you wait for a sign, and he gives it to you by stretching his arm to make you some room. He’s lucky because it’s Camilleri who keeps talking. Mattia is just repeating “_oui_” or “_d’accord_”.

You love how red his face is getting, and not just his face, but also the part that you’re sucking on. Feels like the best dream… you’re not fully awake yet, you’re being naughty, and you’re drooling like a dog at a bone.

Mattia looks hot when he’s trying to control his breathing so that the man he is speaking to wouldn’t notice what’s going on.

You can hear the arousal in Mattia’s voice, but you’re certain that Camilleri won’t notice it. He will probably think that Mattia is hoarse because he just woke up.

The conversation is quite long, and at one point Mattia moves the phone away from his face to exhale and take a deep breath in. It’s so shaky.

After clearing his throat, Mattia start saying something that you can’t understand. You stop listening because you’re focusing on your throat and the tip of Mattia’s erection nearly touching it… It’s okay, you’re getting better at this. You know how to relax… You can swallow more of him.

He puts a hand on your head; he looks impressed. Judging by the grimace on his face, the experience is extremely pleasant. No wonder he abruptly ends the conversation and drops the phone.

“This is too good…” he moans. “Who taught you that?”

You can’t respond, your mouth is busy.

You can’t even express the pleasure of watching him grimace, and hiss and shake a little. Just because your tongue is moving, and your mouth is wet and warm.

“Wait, wait, wait…” he pushes you gently away from his crotch.

You imagine that he wants to make sure he’s not going to come in your mouth, but it’s something else.

“Good morning to you too,” he laughs, grasping your chin and pulling your lips to his to give you a gentle kiss.

“I thought you would be annoyed…” you say. “I even wanted to warn you that you shouldn’t have work related conversations in bed, because it’s my space… Our space… When you’re in bed, you’re mine.”

Mattia keeps smiling. “That’s a good suggestion. But, you know, sometimes I like being naughty.”

“Really? Do you want me to hide under your desk during a conference call?” you suggest with a smirk.

“Oh no… that would be too much,” he laughs, glancing at your hand around his erection.

“Do you want me put a condom on this magnificent thing?” you ask.

He smiles, almost shily. “No, I liked what you were doing. A lot.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I just thought that maybe I could be doing the same thing to you… at the same time…”

“Oh…” You feel a little stressed, but the tingling itch between your legs gets crazily intense, giving you a clear idea of what your body thinks about the proposal. “That would be my first time.”

“Not the last, I hope.” He shifts to the middle of the bed. “Come on,” he says, invitingly patting his shoulders. “We’ll figure it out, don’t worry. It’s not that hard.”

“I know… I just… For some reason it stresses me out,” you admit. “I don’t want to… break your nose or something.”

Mattia bursts out laughing. “That would be a disaster. Can you imagine my TV appearance?”

“Now you’re stressing me out even more.”

“Oh, come on… Just kneel here and bend forward. I have hands… I’ll grab your sweet rear-end and pull you as close as I need.”

You clumsily turn around, kneeling with Mattia’s head between your legs.

You feel his warm hand on your thighs, pulling you back and down. You give in to him, waiting for the blissful touch of his lips… He’s studying your body with his hands first. Stroking the delicate folds of skin outwards to expose the most erogenous zone.

Finally, you can feel his hot lips getting a taste… so gentle, and yet so intense…

You moan, twitching a little.

It’s an interesting angle that reminds you a bit of the desk-fuck. The best thing about it is that Mattia’s erection is right in front of you.

You want to swallow it now, immediately. You shift forward, changing position, but Mattia is quick to adjust and the second you take his hardness into your mouth, his tongue starts doing things that make your legs tremble.

You moan with you mouth full. That’s what he wanted. And he was so right to suggest it.

You remember his impressed face when you were sucking him off during the phone conversation. You’re trying to repeat the same, but he’s distracting you. He’s making you squirm…

“Oh… have mercy…” you beg, resting your head on his hip.

“Okay…” he pats your throbbing flesh a couple of times which turns out to be extremely stimulating. “Show me what you got.”

He gives you a moment to shine. You can still feel his fingertips gently massaging the source of wetness, but it’s subtle.

“I love the mirror…” he says.

You’re not sure if it’s your saliva or the precum, but Mattia’s crotch is soaked wet. He’s breathing hard and his lips are on your body again.

You enjoy the mutual stimulation for around five minutes, listening to each other’s sighs and little moans. Loving every inch of the wet, flushed skin, enjoying the intimate wetness that your bodies produce. It’s a sign of success. It shows how much you’re enjoying this morning delight.

You want to be the first to make him come, but as always, you underestimate his skills.

A desperate moan escapes you as you bury your face in Mattia’s crotch, shaking at the pleasure he’s managed to kindle in you.

Once he finds the spot, he commits to it, flicking his tongue fast and not stopping until you’re in paradise.

Your hips twitching, you keep gasping for air. The orgasm is so good, but your throat gets tight and you make almost no sound for almost four seconds.

“Fuck…” you growl once your voice comes back. “Jesus… ahhhh…” you whimper.

You’re so dazed, so overwhelmed with pleasure, that at first, when you feel hot liquid hitting your shoulder and getting into your hair, you don’t even register it.

Blinking heavily, you look at Mattia’s crotch… there’s come all over it…

Your job is done then… but you had so much more to offer…

You lean down to kiss his softening cock. Here, and here, and here… You use your tongue on a wet spot… He can’t see it, he won’t know.

He’s busy kissing your inner thighs.

“I think I have a nosebleed.”

“What?” You roll onto your side with an unpleasant feeling in your stomach.

But Mattia is grinning. “Just kidding.”

“You!” You hit him on the hip. “This was not funny.”

“It was to me.”

“Don’t expect me to make you breakfast.” You get out from the bed, reaching for your bathrobe.

“Where are you going then?”

“Maybe I have to pee?”

Mattia keeps looking at you with an amused face, that makes you want to lunge at him and cover him with kisses.

“French toast?”

You grunt. “Okay.”

* * *

You sight heavily, turning the hair dryer off. Mattia’s phone is ringing. “Who is it now?”

Mattia puts the razor down. “Silvia.”

You quickly grab a towel to wipe the shaving cream off his ear right before he presses the phone to it.

While he’s having a conversation, you put your fingers between his damp curls, hoping the new conditioner had enough time to get absorbed.

“What was that about?” you ask when Mattia ends the conversation.

“Louis left a gift for Fabio, the host of the show, on his desk in Maranello, but nobody around has a pass to open the door. I’ll have to drive there myself.”

“Oh, great. We should hurry up then,” you say. “But you better don’t rush with that razor,” you add before turning the blow dryer back on.

While you’re drying Mattia’s hair (carefully), he finishes shaving (obviously, he’s sitting on a small stool while doing it, otherwise you would probably need a ladder).

“It looks good,” you notice when his hair is dry.

“Yes, it feels good too,” he smiles at you in the mirror. “I worry that I’ll mess it up in the car.”

“We’ll fix it before the show.”

“I don’t want to look too good.” He gets up from the stool. “I’d hate to outshine my drivers.”

“They’re just boys,” smiling you get on the tips of your toes to give him a peck on the lips. “They’re no match for you.”

* * *

Mattia is driving while you are working as his secretary, holding his phone, and sending messages to various people.

A couple minutes ago Charles called to tell Mattia that his flight got cancelled.

“It’s not looking great,” Mattia says to you. “Even if he’d take a train, he’s not going to make it to the studio in time.”

“Silvia just wrote that they could move the segment to start later in the programme. That would buy us a half an hour. Maybe Charles should just jump into his Ferrari and drive really fast… He knows how to do it.”

“You don’t really mean that.”

“You’re right. It's too risky.”

“Is he still at the airport?”

“I don’t know…”

“Call him.”

“Fabio Fazio is calling.”

“Put me on speaker.”

* * *

You’re staring at Mattia’s phone in your hand waiting for it to ring, but it’s quiet.

When you look at Mattia, he turns his head to smile at you.

“You’re smiling,” you notice.

“Why would I not smile?”

“I thought you would be irritated. Things are not going as planned.”

Mattia touches your hand. “I’m used to it. It happens all the time, especially during the season.”

You caress his long fingers before he puts them back on the steering wheel. “I’m impressed,” you say.

“Still?”

“Still and again.” You fix the dress on your thighs. “Will there be any photographers when we get out of the car?”

“I don’t think so. I’m actually a low profile VIP compared to some guests that visit RAI studios.” He looks at you, frowning. “Why? Would it bother you? We’ve been photographed together during the ball and I think we looked like a royal couple.”

“You’re right, but… should we hold hands when you are at work?”

“Maybe not if we meet in the garage during a practice session, ha-ha.”

“Yeah, that would be weird…”

“If you’re wondering about today, yes, I think we should hold hands when we go to the studio. I don’t want anyone to think that you’re my assistant.”

“Oh… okay.”

“They would bombard you with questions if they mistook you for my assistant.”

You remain quiet, feeling the tension inside you resolve.

“What? Is there a problem? Are you worried to be seen with an old man?” He keeps glancing at you because you’re still quiet. “I’ll take your silence as a yes.”

“You’re annoying.”

Laughing, Mattia reaches out to stroke your cheek. “Shouldn’t you give me penalty points or something?”

“If you keep saying that word, I’ll consider it.”

“I want to hold your hand, because I worry that someone will steal you from me.”

“I don’t think I’m that precious.”

“I strongly disagree.”

“I want to hold your hand too, because…” You want to make a joke, but your throat tightens. “Because I feel so lucky and proud to be with you. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

He manages to steal a little kiss from you when you’re waiting on the red light.

“Remember that you are Cindy now,” he reminds you. “Have you thought about that second name?”

“I have, but I’m undecided. I’d like something strong. Like Stone. Cindy Stone.”

“Sounds a bit… cold. How about Matthews? Ha-ha, you called me Matthew a couple of times, remember? That would be funny.”

“Do you want me to chuckle every time I say my last name?”

“Cindy Rose.”

“Too sweet.”

“Cindy Young.”

You just roll your eyes. “Cindy Reller would sound almost like Cinderella.”

“Cindy Bee.”

His phone rings, interrupting you.

“Who’s that?”

“Silvia again.”

* * *

Just as Mattia said, there are no photographers waiting for you in the parking area. There’s only an intern ready to help you with your bags.

“It was a smart move to grab Charles’ helmet from Maranello,” you say.

“I hope Sebastian didn’t forget to bring his,” Mattia hands you the helmet before reaching for a box that’s lying on the backseat of his silver Ferrari.

“You want me to help you, sir?” the intern asks.

“I’ll carry this. You can take the zip bag.” Apart from the gift that Louis asked Mattia to take, there’s a steering wheel of a Ferrari car in the box; Mattia doesn’t feel like handing it to someone he doesn’t know. His suit in the zip bag is less expensive. The young man grabs it and tells you to follow him.

Mattia looks at you with a smile, extending his hand. You take it, feeling tingling in your belly.

“Fabio wants to meet you before the show,” the intern says as you’re walking down a corridor. “We’re going to stop by his room.”

But you meet the host behind the corner. He’s followed by a flock of assistants.

“Dottor Binotto!” he exclaims with a genuine joy.

“Just engineer,” Mattia corrects him. “This is Cindy,” he says, letting you shake Fabio’s hand before he does the same.

“Pleasure to meet you both,” the host says. “Sebastian’s already in the green room. I’m sorry that Charles couldn’t make it. I hope he’ll get home soon. My producers would like to setup that Skype connection as soon as possible. We want to make sure it looks decent on the screen.”

“We brought his helmet,” you say.

“Ah! That’s great. And I see you have the steering wheel as well. Leave it to my assistants.”

Mattia presses his lips together, hesitant. “Just be careful with it.”

“Don’t worry,” Fabio pats Mattia on the shoulder, laughing. “You join Sebastian in the green room; have a glass of wine and relax. We won’t move to your segment before Charles is ready.”

One of the assistants takes Charles’ helmet from you. The intern clears his throat, reminding you about his presence.

“This way,” he says.

* * *

Sebastian’s sprawled on a sofa in a white t-shirt and boxer shorts. He turns his head to the door as the intern enters. Seeing you, he quickly sits up. “I didn’t know there will be ladies in here.”

“It’s just me,” you laugh, snatching the zipper bag from the intern before he leaves the room. You hold it, while Mattia unzips it to take his Ferrari suit out.

“I was having a nap,” Sebastian explains, putting a pair of black trousers on. “I didn’t want to wrinkle my clothes.”

“Good thinking,” Mattia agrees. “Now… I’d ask you to turn to the wall because you shouldn’t see your boss in underwear.”

Sebastian chuckles. “I’m not looking. I’ll just pour myself another drink.”

“I didn’t know you were drinking…” Mattia is changing clothes, completely unbothered by your hungry stare. He’s used to it at this point.

“I drink a lot! But only water.”

As you turn to glance at the driver, you notice that he really is pouring himself a glass of water.

You bit your lip, watching as Mattia fiddles with his leather belt.

“How’s the shirt?” he asks.

“Good.” You come up to take a look at Mattia’s collar. “Yes, good. I thought I saw something.”

“How’s my shirt?” Sebastian asks.

“You’re wearing a t-shirt.”

“Oh, shit… I forgot. Now you better turn around. For Mattia’s sake. You don’t want to see my chest hair. I heard that it only takes five hairs to make a girl lose her mind.”

You turn to him, wanting to make a comment. He’s already topless, but you can only see his back.

Mattia notices what you’re looking at. “See? That’s what a young man looks like,” he says.

“He’s not that young.”

“Thanks,” Sebastian mutters under his breath. “The sleeves are slightly wrinkled… I hope nobody will ask me to take the jacket off.”

“I can’t imagine why someone would,” Mattia says.

“So, Charles is still in Monaco?”

“Yes, his flight got cancelled. But he’ll join us via Skype.”

“So, he doesn’t have to wear the suit…”

“I don’t know, to be honest.” Mattia fastens a tie around his neck.

“You want something to drink?” you ask softly.

“If there’s red wine, I’d like a sip or two.”

“I’ll check.”

Sebastian sits down in an armchair opposite to the sofa, smoothing the tie on his knee.

You hand Mattia a glass with a bit of red wine. “Can I have your glasses?”

“Sure.” Mattia sits down on the sofa.

You snatch a cleaning wipe from your purse, taking a seat next to him.

“Oh, wow. I don’t think I’ve seen you without your glasses yet,” Sebastian stares at his boss. “Your eyes are smaller.”

“Yes, they are.”

“Here…” you give Mattia his glasses back.

You look him up and down; for some reason you enjoy looking at his leather belt and the contrast between his trousers and his white shirt.

You check his shoes, there’s a bit of dust on them. You bend down to clean it with the wipe.

“I think she loves you,” Sebastian says.

“Or my shoes… Ha-ha.”

You glower at Mattia. “Is that how you’re thanking me?”

“No… I’m sorry… I was just joking.” He leans toward you, clearly with the intention to kiss you.

You think of leaning away, but you love the taste of his lips when he’s drinking wine.

“I need to call Hanna,” Sebastian says, stuffing a hand into his pocket.

“I actually wanted to call my daughter,” Mattia adds. “Just to make sure she and Marco remember to watch the show.”

You grab your phone as well to message Jess. She knows where you are. She helped you pick the dress for the trip. You both decided that business casual should be your style. You want to look professional and maybe slightly older than you are. You don’t want to attract too much attention to yourself. You’re aiming for a classy, modest style. It’s boring for a girl like Jess, but completely appropriate for an Auntie like you.

“Is traitor there?” Jess writes back.

“No, his flight got cancelled.”

“I will watch it then!”

“But he’ll be on Skype.”

She replies with a grumpy face.

Someone knocks on the door.

“Yes?” Sebastian and Mattia say at the same time.

A woman wearing thick-rimmed glasses enters. “Hi, my name is Giulia. Here’s some notes for you to prepare yourself. Our makeup artist and hairstylist will see you in twenty minutes.” She squints at Mattia first and then at Sebastian. “You’re looking pretty good, but you’ll still need a bit of mattifying powder to take the shine off your faces.”

Sebastian gets a page with notes, Mattia grabs one too and the woman leaves.

Looks like Mattia will appear first and say something about himself. Then Sebastian will join him, and then Charles will appear on the screen.

“Do you know what you’re going to say?” you ask Mattia.

“Only nice things,” he smiles. “I’m used to talking about my background.”

Sebastian starts fanning himself with the piece of paper. “I want to speak Italian as much as I can, but joking will be hard.”

“Be careful with your jokes, all right?” Mattia warns him.

“I won’t talk about my balls, I promise.”

“Looks like the show has already started…” you notice, turning to the TV standing in the corner. It’s on mute.

“And our makeup is not done yet!” Sebastian chuckles.

You look at Mattia’s hair. “Could you turn around? I want to see how it looks at the back of your head.”

“It got messed up when I was driving.”

“Not much.” You reach out to fluffy up some of the curls. “By the way, Sebastian, I don’t know if I mentioned this to you already, but my name is Cindy now. I decided to protect my real identity, just in case.”

“Okay… you will have to send a memo to the entire team though, because not sure if you remember, but Mattia told your name to everyone when we were in the mountains.”

“I did…” Mattia sighs. “But I’ll let everyone know what the deal is.”

“Are you planning to travel with us to the races?” Sebastian asks.

“Yes. That’s my plan.”

“That’s nice…” He sinks back in the armchair. “Mattia will finally have someone to take to the events and won’t drag me or Charles.”

“We had promotional duties, Sebastian.”

“What happened to your friend, that tall blonde girl who used to date Charles?” Sebastian looks at you, frowning.

“She broke up with him, obviously. But she’s fine.”

“What was her name?”

“Jess.”

“Jess, right. She was a fun person…”

“She still is.”

“Remember that time when she and Charles got drunk during a party in Jock’s garden?”

“Of course, we remember. We kind of… met at that party,” Mattia admits, looking at you with a sweet smile.

“I went to stretch my legs with Antti after we ate, and we saw her peeing under a bush. I don’t think she saw us.”

“She doesn’t drink that much. It was a one time things.”

“So, you say you weren’t dating back then?”

Mattia shakes his head. “No, I was still wearing a wedding ring!”

“Yeah, but you were already divorced. Everyone knew that.”

“I didn’t.”

“But you wished he was divorced, right?”

“I was alarmed by how he made me feel. It was unexpected and worrying. Especially since in my mind he was married. Not to mention the age gap…”

“When you get to know Mattia, you realize that age is just a number,” Sebastian says with a smile. “He doesn’t look fifty.”

“No, he doesn’t. But on the other hand, maybe we have a wrong idea of what a fifty-year-old man should look like.”

“I will not look like him when I’m fifty,” Sebastian says, running a hand through his thinning hair. “When I saw Hanna for the first time, I could feel the blood cursing through my veins, hot and fast… I could feel the heat everywhere, it was painful and pleasant at the same time. She was just… different than other girls. They were pretty, but she was beautiful. I felt so alive when she was in my sight, but when she was away, I felt physical pain. It’s a weird thing, it really is… to fall in love with someone from the first sight.”

“Well… I’ve seen Mattia in the paddock a couple of times before that barbecue. Since I was your fan, I knew your team well and I knew who Mattia Binotto is… I just… didn’t pay attention, I guess. So, it wasn’t love from the first sight for me.” You turn to Mattia, he’s deep in thoughts, but smiling. Probably remembering that special evening.

“What about you, Mattia? What did you think when the young lady showed up to help you with barbecuing?” Sebastian asks.

Mattia turns to you. “I thought she had an argument with her friends. And decided to help an old man because she had nothing else to do.”

“I saw you standing alone, and I felt sorry for you.”

“Hanna felt sorry for me too when I first approached her,” Sebastian confesses. “I wasn’t the handsomest boy in the school, but I knew how to make her laugh.”

You nod. “Sounds like you.”

Someone knocks on the door again.

“Are you guys, ready?” It’s Giulia again.

Sebastian and Mattia put their suit jackets on. Sebastian is still holding the tie in his hand.

“All the seats in the audience are taken,” Giulia turns to you. “You can stay here or join us backstage.”

“I’ll come with you.”

* * *

No, you’re not jealous. No reason to feel unpleasant. These women are just doing their job. They are not taking advantage of it to touch your man.

Sure, the hair stylist is clearly mesmerized by the shininess of Mattia’s hair, but that’s just her professional appreciation. She’s not feeling sexually aroused by running a hand through that hair, no, that’s not it…

“The hair’s fine,” you make a step toward her, barely stopping yourself from pushing her hand away.

“It looks great!”

“Yes, I know.” _Take that hand away, lady, or I’ll bite…_

The hair stylist steps away to make room for the make up artist who’s an attractive blonde. She spins Mattia in the chair to face her, smiling widely at him.

He smiles back before pressing his lips together. The woman has a powder puff in her hand. She leans closer to Mattia’s face as if she had poor eyesight.

Even though you’re watching the scene from the side, you can figure out how revealing her neckline is.

“Could you take your glasses off, honey?” she chirps.

Oh, come on… You almost roll your eyes. Your annoyance (you’re not jealous!) must be palpable, because Mattia turns his head to glance at you.

You don’t have enough time to compose yourself.

The woman starts applying transparent powder to Mattia’s face, keeping her face so close to his as if she wanted to smoothen his every pore…

“Is this necessary?” Sebastian’s on a chair next to Mattia. “My skin is clear.”

“Yes, but the studio lights are strong, and you don’t want to look like you’re sweating.”

Why is it taking so long? Mattia’s face is not that big. You would have powdered it by now!

He seems to be enjoying this… or he’s enjoying your reactions.

“You’re good to go,” the woman says, finally.

“Thank you,” Mattia puts his glasses back on, smiling at her.

When he looks at you, you pretend to be interested in a photo on the wall.

Out of the corner of your eye you see him getting up from the chair. He takes a step toward you, but he’s blocked by some guy who appears in front of him to fix a microphone onto his jacket.

When he finishes his job, you notice that Mattia’s tie is not straight.

Giulia grabs him and Sebastian by their arms and pulls them out of the room. “We need to hurry.”

You follow them down the corridor, checking the back of Mattia’s trousers. He looks magnificent as always. You just need to fix his tie before he gets on the set.

“I hope you left your phones in the greenroom,” Giulia says.

Mattia and Sebastian glance at each other, reaching to their pockets.

“I’ll take them,” you dart forward.

“Make sure they’re turned off.”

You reach a point backstage where you can see the studio lights sipping through the cracks in the decorative background panels. There seem to be a commercial break, but when Giulia stops, the music stops as well.

“You ready?” She looks Mattia up and down.

“Yes.”

The host starts introducing the segment and soon enough he invites Mattia onto the stage.

Mattia quickly turns to you, he leans down and brushes your lips. You realize that you missed the last chance to fix his tie…

Sebastian’s still next to you, wiggling his eyebrows as if he was in on a secret. “Can I get a kiss too?”

“Aren’t you married?”

“I’m joking. I know I’m too short for you.”

Giulia glowers at both of you, pressing a finger to her lips.

You had no intention to continue this chat. You’re annoyed because you can’t see what’s happening on the stage. You remember that on your way here you passed a group of people gathered around a large monitor.

You pat Sebastian on the shoulder with a nod that is supposed to mean “good luck” and you leave him alone with Giulia.

Nobody pays attention to you when you join the group around the monitor. They are all staring at Mattia who’s facing the host, looking majestic and statuesque.

Fabio asks him to take a seat in an armchair, Mattia turns showing the world his magnificent back side.

You are on edge through the whole segment. You’re not sure what you’re stressing about; Mattia is not going to embarrass himself, and yet…

You know he is nervous, and you don’t like seeing him like this. Sure, he can handle this stress, it’s not even that big compared to what he’s going through during the season. But you can’t control your emotions and when you see him fidget and touch his face and press his lips together, you just want to save him from the unpleasant situation.

It’s most likely a projection. He’s not like you. He wouldn’t be a Ferrari team principal if he didn’t like challenges.

He’s probably having fun out there. That’s his idea of fun.

And as strange as it seems, it's one of the things that make him so attractive. His underlying confidence is not eye-catching because he tends to move a lot. But he can always find the right words. The way he speaks reveals his character, it’s calm, it’s measured, it’s intelligent and polite. He rarely stutters in Italian; his mind is well organized, and it works fast.

He’s like the watch on his wrist: a luxurious work of art.

Just as you expected, he touched his hair many times. When he wasn’t touching his hair, he was touching his lips…

You think you understand the uncontrolled reaction. Being in the spotlight is still a new experience for him; and covering a part of his face is just an involuntary attempt to protect himself. He wouldn’t do it if he was given a microphone. Then he would just play with the microphone.

When Mattia gives the host the gift, a 3D-printed model of the SF90 car, you can see a close-up of his hands. Are his long fingers shaking? You can’t say, because they’re moving too fast.

Soon enough Mattia is on his feet again, dominating the set with his posture. The show’s ending. You’re going to get your man back soon… No wonder your heart is already throbbing!

He gets off the stage, holding the steering wheel in one hand and Charles’ helmet in the other. But seeing you, he takes both things into one hand. His fingers stroke your jawline.

You give him a little kiss. That’s what he wants right now.

“You were great. Both of you,” you say.

“Let’s move to the green room, okay?” Giulia escorts you away from the set. “You did an amazing job, I agree. It was a pleasure,” she adds as you’re walking down the corridor.

Once you find yourself alone in the greenroom, Sebastian collapses against the back of the armchair. “I hope nobody thought that I was talking about poop.”

Mattia chuckles, walking straight up to the mini bar, but this time he just pours himself a bit of water. “Did I fidget again?”

“No. You were just touching your face a lot. Both of you.”

“It’s because of that powder… that thing itches…” Sebastian says.

“You want a wipe?”

“Yes, please.”

When you give the boys their phones back. Mattia turns his on, and immediately it starts ringing.

“It’s Louis…” he glances at you with a spark in his eye. “I’ll keep it brief. We already had a nice chat in the morning.”

“It was nice, I agree…” you smirk, reaching to Mattia’s tie to finally fix it.

Sebastian’s standing by a mirror on the wall, cleaning his face. “I wanted to be funny, but as usual, I was trying too hard.”

“You were quite entertaining.” You rest a hand on Mattia’s thigh. He grabs it quickly, and holds it, as if he wanted to keep it under control in case you had naughty ideas.

“Louis said that we looked okay,” Mattia says after ending the call.

“Okay,” Sebastian repeats. “Are we going for a dinner together?”

Mattia loosens his tie. “We could…”

“Fabio invited me when we were talking before the show. I thought you were invited too.”

“Not yet,” you say, taking another wipe from your purse, ready to clean Mattia’s face like he’s your little baby boy.

“You’re too kind, but there’s a lady who does this professionally,” he laughs.

“Could you take your glasses off, honey?”

“You sound just like her.”

“Did you stare at her breasts when she leaned down?”

“You know that I can’t see much without my glasses.”

“Did you?”

Sebastian clears his throat. “She had a tight top under her blouse… if that’s what you want to know.”

“You’re jealous,” Mattia says, his voice full of wonder as if you just did something impressive.

“No, I’m not.” You wipe Mattia’s large nose, rubbing it a little harder than necessary.

“Someone’s a little possessive,” he keeps chuckling.

“No, I’m not.” You start wiping Mattia’s forehead, but when you’re about to finish, he grasps your hand and kisses the inside of your wrist.

You just sigh. This man can get away with everything...

* * *

A couple minutes later Giulia arrives to pass a message from Fabio that he invites you all for dinner at a restaurant called Montecristo, not far from the studio.

The restaurant is almost full when you arrive, but the host is not there yet.

The tables are forming a long row. You sit between Sebastian and Mattia, feeling safe and comfortable in their company.

It’s a seafood restaurant, which Mattia seems to be incredibly happy about, because just a couple days ago he told you that he’s been craving clams.

“Is he your dad that he orders food for you?” Sebastian jokes after the waiter takes the orders from Mattia.

“I’m usually too undecided and there’s so much stuff that I haven’t tried yet. I trust his judgement; so far everything he’s chosen for me was delicious.”

“Did you just ask her if I was her dad?” Mattia says with a fake outrage.

“You could be, right?”

“Yes, we love thinking about it,” you laugh, shaking your head. “Since we’re on topic of dads, how’s your lovely family?”

Sebastian’s face changes. He looks around before fishing his phone out of his pocket. “They’re great. Let me show you some pictures.”

You feel special that Sebastian wants to share his biggest secret with you. He shows you pictures of his daughters and his little son (and the dog).

Mattia leans closer to look as well, putting a hand on your lower back.

“He’s so cute, isn’t he?” you glance at Mattia and then back at a photo of Sebastian holding his little son on his arm. “Look at his tiny nose. And your daughters are so big already.”

“They are growing fast,” Sebastian admits.

“Tell me about it…” Mattia sighs, taking his hand away. You already miss his touch, but you don’t have to miss it long, because as soon as you give Sebastian his phone back, Mattia grasps your hand under the table and starts caressing your skin.

The food is great. You enjoy the chat with Sebastian and a short conversation with Fabio as he finally arrives, accompanied by a pair of actors that were also guests of the show.

So many men around you, but only one Mattia. He’s different. He’s not the oldest, maybe even not the richest of them, who knows… But he’s the kindest, the gentlest one.

After Sebastian leaves, one of the actors takes his seat because it’s close to Fabio. He’s drunk, speaking loudly, and making a mess on the table.

“We should change seats,” Mattia suggests, reaching for his espresso.

“Can we leave?”

“Sure.” Mattia finishes the coffee in one sip. You hope it’ll keep him awake on the way home.

You approach Fabio to thank him for his invitation. A couple minutes later you’re walking down a sidewalk. It’s night-time in Milan. It’s February, but Mattia’s hand is keeping you warm.

“I’m sorry that you didn’t get to eat dessert,” you say, breaking the silence.

“It was the right time to leave."

“Drunk men disgust me. I can’t help it.”

“I could see that.”

Mattia’s silver Ferrari is already in your sight.

“I know that most drunk people are just silly and harmless but… I still hate when people act like there’s something amusing about being drunk… It wouldn’t be amusing to them if they…” your voice breaks, tears start filling your eyes.

You stop by the car. Mattia turns to face you. “Come here…” he says, pulling you into his arms.

“I’m not going to cry. I’m past that…” you say, but the hug is always nice.

You lean away first, looking up at Mattia’s face. “Thank you for not being like them.”

“You wouldn’t be with me if I was.”

“That’s true.”

He looks into your eyes for a longer while before leaning down to kiss you. His lips taste of coffee.

“Let’s get you home,” he says, opening the car.

* * *

“You can take a nap if you want,” Mattia suggests when you leave the city.

The darkness around you is making you yawn. “Maybe we should talk. I don’t want you to fall asleep behind the wheel.”

“I’m used to late-night driving.”

“You’re used to everything.”

“Not true.”

“I meant it in a positive way.”

“Ah, you mean that I’m experienced,” he glances at you. “You really felt shocked by your feelings when you saw me in Jock’s garden?”

You sink back in the seat, smiling. “Not when I first saw you. I think it was when we started talking to each other and you were asking me to do stuff. I don’t know… maybe it was the tone of your voice. Or your body language. But it felt good to be helpful.”

“You touched my hand three times. The first time when I nearly dropped the sausages...”

“That was accidental.”

“But not the second and the third time.”

You smile, replaying the scenes in your mind. “I didn’t touch you. I let you touch me.”

“You put me in a stressful situation.”

“You didn’t look stressed.”

“You didn’t know me back then.”

“You’re right… But I hope you could see that I was not bothered by the touching.”

“It was puzzling. I had women hitting on me, women like Angelica, but… not women your age.”

“I was not hitting on you, sir! I thought you were married.”

“I know… I just wanted to say that I enjoyed your company and I could see that it was mutual.”

“Did you think that I was pretty?”

He looks at you, his face almost outraged. “Of course.”

“But I guess you are constantly surrounded by attractive people, so you didn’t think I was that special.”

“I am surrounded by attractive people, that’s true… And both Charles and Sebastian have a lot of young fans. My son has a girlfriend… You were in the same category.”

“Too young to notice.”

“When later that night, in the car, Jess said that you have daddy issues, it made me feel bad.”

“Same…”

“Her words made me realize that I wasn’t imagining things. You really were attracted to me, but… I didn’t know what to do about it. I wasn’t sure if I should do anything.”

“You thought that I was just needy… or looking for a daddy?”

“Weren’t you worried about being with a fifty-year-old man? Or was that never a problem for you?”

“I was worried. I thought I had nothing to offer you. I wasn’t even sure if our sex life would work because of… my past experiences.”

Mattia shakes his head. “Nothing to offer… You’re so funny sometimes…”

“What? I still feel like the most boring person in the world when I’m around you.”

“Why? Because I speak French, wear silly socks and know how to eat crab? There’s nothing magical about me.”

You think for a moment, turning to the road ahead. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but… I’m in love with you, and even normal things that you do feel special to me.”

“That’s more like it.”

“I hope it’ll always be like this.”

“Probably not.”

“What do you mean?”

He presses his lips together, staying silent for a while. “Being in a relationship is about building something together. It can be a home, it can be just sharing life and collecting memories along the way. We’re both enjoying the experience, because it’s new and exciting… Sex is great, everything is great… Waking up next to you is great. Making you smile is great. Buying new stuff to the house and so on. I think we’re both extremely fascinated by the process, but at some point, the process will become less important than the… actual product.”

“You mean, the building. We’ll be standing outside looking in and feeling happy about what we’ve built, but the building techniques will not be as relevant.”

“I hope we’ll be living inside that building, not just looking at it. And it will be cosy and safe, and full of beautiful things…”

“Just less sexual excitement.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I'm joking. And I have good news for you, Mattia. I’m not a person who gets bored easily. I like repeating things that make me happy.”

“Why are you worried then that things will change between us?”

“Because you’re not like me.”

“Oh, honey…” he reaches to your hand. “If you knew… I wish I could show you how I feel about you. If you could see yourself through my eyes. If you could be me for a second, not just now, but also when I’m working and you’re home and my mind goes to you… you would never doubt in my love again.”

“I don’t…”

“When I say I love you, I mean it.”

“I know… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad we’re talking about this.”

You feel guilty, but you force yourself to brush the unpleasant feelings away. “I hope it won’t sound like I’m trying to excuse myself, but… watching my parents when I was little… That’s the only lesson I learned about relationships. The only example I ever had. And it was brutal…”

“I know. And it’s not an excuse. It’s an explanation. You need to be rational about it, though. What you experienced, is not the full picture. You are not limited by it.”

“You’re right.”

“You are your own person. And I think you should be proud of yourself.”

You reach out to place a hand on Mattia’s thigh. “I am proud. I’m in a Ferrari with Mattia Binotto…”

“And he loves you. But he’d like you to take your hand away because he needs to focus on the road.”

* * *

It gets quiet. You’re sleepy, but the driving speed is keeping you awake.

“Do you want me to slow down?” Mattia asks.

“No… Unless… you feel like you should.”

“That’s my night speed,” he smiles with satisfaction, but then decides to slow down anyway.

“I wanted to make a sex joke, but I can’t come up with anything,” you confess. “By the way, do you want to have sex before we go to sleep?”

“I always want to have sex with you.”

“You weren’t that keen last night…”

“I told you I was feeling strange.”

“So how do you feel tonight?”

“Good…”

“What time do you get up?”

“At seven.”

Sighing, you reach out to the back of Mattia’s head. “We should probably just go to sleep.”

“Probably,” he repeats. “I think I know what you need and it’s not sex.”

“What do I need, mister Binotto?” you ask, playing with the short hair at the back of his head.

“Love.”

* * *

How do you not have sex when you’re cuddling in bed naked?

Your body craves it. The slightest movement of Mattia’s hand is making you shiver.

“I love you,” he whispers before kissing you gently.

You force yourself to keep your hand on his chest although it would be so easy to change his mind about this if you just reached between his legs…

“I was thinking…" he clears his throat. "Maybe we should buy a new house…”

“What?” You prop yourself on an elbow, surprised, the duvet sliding down your chest.

“Now I’m thinking about something else…” Mattia’s voice changes and before you blink, his hot mouth is all over your nipple. Sucking on it like it’s the juiciest cherry.

“I thought… you said…”

“Just a moment.”

“I’d hate to rush you, but you really should be sleeping.”

“I’m afraid that a part of me just got very much awake…”

“Oh no… what now?” you bite your lip, reaching where you wanted to reach since you lied next to each other.

“Houston, we have a problem…” he whispers, his lips moving to your neck as he pushes you back on the pillow.

“A huge problem, sir. But I think I can handle it. In fact, I already am… handling it…”

His eyes go hazy for a moment. “You really thought you were boring?”

“I wasn’t thinking about bed… to be honest… I think I can take care of your sexual needs. It’s the rest that I was worried about.”

You feel Mattia’s hand on your wrist as he gently pushes your hand away from his erection. “You’re not a toy. I hope you know that. We can pretend that you are my sex slave, just for fun, but I don’t want a slave…” His voice changes again as he’s taking control of his arousal. And it's arousing!

“Who do you want then?” you ask.

Resting his head opposite to yours, he looks into your eyes, a delicate frown appearing on his forehead as if he was fighting an internal battle. “A loving wife.”

Your chest hurts so much, you can’t draw a breath.

“I’m not proposing,” he adds quickly, seeing your reaction. “Sorry if it sounded like I was. I think it’s still too early for that. But I want you to know that I’m committed. Are you crying? Oh, God, I knew it was a bad idea to say it… I’m sorry…”

“No… I’m not sad…” You cup his lovely cheeks, shifting on the bed to reach his lips. “I’m happy…” you say, even though the tears trickling down on the pillow might look like it’s the opposite. “I’m just surprised. What you said about the house…”

“I shouldn’t have mentioned it in the middle of the night.” He frowns. “You’re shaking…”

“Yes, I’m a little… shaken…”

“Come here, _mon amour_.” He extends his arm.

Once you press your head to his chest, he closes his arm around you.

“You really want to do this?”

“What?”

“Go to sleep with an erection…” you roll your eyes. “I was asking about the house.”

“I wanted to ask you to redecorate the living room. I thought that maybe we could host a party for my family or just my friends. But then it hit me that the house is pretty small.”

“Not if you include the basement.”

“You want to throw a party in the basement?”

“Why not?”

“So, you think we shouldn’t move?”

“It’s your money, Mattia. Whatever you do, I’ll support you. But I think you have enough problems on your head right now. I’d be happy to redecorate the living room. You should think about the basement though. We can set up a lounge down there!”

“I haven’t thought about it… It’s actually brilliant…”

You feel flattered and excited that he likes your idea. “It’s too early to move, Mattia.”

“You’re right.”

You’re thinking about what he said about proposing. “It’s still too early”, as if it wasn’t the first time he’d thought about it.

He’s silent and you’re not sure if he’s awake. The last thing you’d want to do is to wake him up right now.

“Can I kiss you good night before I doze off, because I’m already half asleep…”

You smile, lifting yourself up to press your lips to his. You’re too excited to fall asleep, and your body is still craving sex, but it's only a secondary need.

You keep thinking about your trust issues. Maybe it’s time to stop being scared.

You’ve chosen a good man.


	20. Miss Matthews

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's winter testing in Barcelona! Mattia takes his new girlfriend to the paddock for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's chapter 20 already... And you're still not bored. :)

_February 19th 2020, Barcelona_

“You’ve got a message.” You stifle a yawn, handing Mattia his phone as he leaves the bathroom in your hotel room.

“It’s probably our driver,” Mattia checks the phone. “Yes, he’s waiting by the entrance.” He slides the phone into a pocket in his jeans. “Can we hug and kiss before we leave?” he asks, touching the white cuff sticking out of the navy blue cardigan sleeve. “There’s not much privacy in the paddock.”

“Of course, my cuddly bear.” You open your arms, ready to enjoy the warmth of Mattia’s body.

He pulls your gently into his embrace, wrapping his arms around you.

“Oh my God…”

“What?”

“The scent… your perfume… what is it?” You smell the fabric of Mattia’s cardigan, stunned by the effect his perfume has on you.

“I ran out of Ferrari perfume, so I opened the one I got from my kids for Christmas. It’s Armani… ehm… Armani Code, I think.”

“I want to have sex with that scent,” you say, your voice almost begging, as you climb to the tips of your toes to sniff Mattia’s neck.

“I’m afraid we don’t have enough time,” Mattia chuckles. “I used to wear it often when we first met. You probably don’t remember.”

“I do remember! The day I visited you in your office to give you the birthday hugs and kisses… Oh, lord…” you rub your nose against Mattia’s neck. “I’m having flashbacks of being so desperate for your attention.”

“I was using a bit too much. Silvia was kind enough to tell me.”

“You can’t go to work smelling like this.”

“Still too much?”

“No, but… it’s too attractive. You smell too good.”

“Are you jealous again?” Mattia smirks. “Or just horny?”

You lean away, taking a deep breath in. You can still smell the bergamot and the lemon mixed with floral middle notes. The base is tobacco and leather – the manly scents. Maybe a bit outdated, but still effective.

“We should go,” you say. “Let’s kiss and I’ll try to behave like an adult.”

No need to feel desperate for his attention. He’s here, kissing you, teasing you slightly with his tongue, knowing all too well what happens to your belly when he does it.

It’s a distraction. He knows that your nervous about your first day in the paddock as a couple.

He ends the kiss with another hug. You smell the perfume again… it’s making you weak…

Mattia puts a beige jacket on, no scarf. You are wearing a black turtleneck, a pair of tight jeans, and a camel coat.

He grabs his favourite bag (it’s old, but he’s attached to it) and you’re ready to leave.

* * *

As you’re sitting next to Mattia on the back seat of his personal “taxi”, you wish you could scoot closer and cuddle with him. And smell him.

He grasps your hand and places it on his thigh, touching your fingers and keeping them warm. There’s not much privacy in the paddock, he said, and he seems determined to be as close to you as possible, for as long as he can.

Such a simple touch and yet it makes you shiver the same way as when he was playing with your fingers in the limousine before the charity ball.

The chat Mattia is having with the driver gets interrupted by his phone ringing. He pushes his hips slightly up to extract it from the pocket.

After looking at the screen, he frowns. “It’s Sebastian.” He presses the phone to his ear. “Good morning, how are you, Seb?”

You can’t hear Sebastian’s words, but judging by the look on Mattia’s face, it’s not good news.

“Yes, he should be ready. I will call him. Of course.” Mattia fixes his glasses. “No, don’t worry. I’ll see what I can do.”

“What happened? Is he sick?” you guess after Mattia ends the call.

“Yes. He’s extremely nauseous. I need to call Charles and let him know that we need him in the car.”

You lean back in your seat, feeling heaviness in your stomach. First day of testing and it’s already not going well.

Mattia has a short conversation with Charles in French before receiving a call from Silvia. He’s still on the phone when you leave the car.

You can see the paddock entrance, the security guards and a couple of random people gathered around.

Mattia is holding a pass in his hand, so you prepare yours as well. You keep close to him, while he finishes the conversation.

As you approach the gate, Mattia grasps your hand. For some reason, it makes you emotional.

He told you that he’s worried that someone might steal you from him. It was a joke, and yet the gesture feels protective.

You use your passes to get to the paddock area. Mattia greets the people around with nods and smiles.

You keep an eye on him. If he smiles, you smile too. If he ignores someone, you ignore them too.

You feel comfortable when you see people in red clothing, because most of them have already seen you or at least heard about you. There’s no poorly hidden look of surprise or curiosity on their faces. But on the other hand, there’s a certain type of undeserved respect that they are showing that makes you uncomfortable. You realize that there’s no way around it. Mattia is their boss; it’s difficult to make friends with employees, because they are not Mattia’s equals.

As you approach the Ferrari motorhome, you spot Ted Kravitz, who works for Sky Sport F1. He’s staring at you openly, and as soon as you make eye contact, he smiles. He’s that type of a reporter who would love to get as much information about you as possible.

“Ted saw us,” you say to Mattia when the sliding door closes behind you.

“Who?”

“Ted Kravitz.”

“Ah, that’s okay. Silvia already sent the info to the media; they shouldn’t bother you.”

“What if someone asks me questions?”

“They won’t.”

There’s many familiar faces in the cafeteria, where the team is gathered to have breakfast together. Before joining them, Mattia wants to change his clothes.

He has an office in the motorhome, but it’s just a desk in the corner; not much privacy there, but there’s a small changing room at the back of the motorhome.

In a locker you find a brand new Ferrari gear, Mattia’s size, winter pack: a wind jacket, a warm vest and a beanie included that he is not going to wear.

“I’ll guard the door,” you offer as you both get inside and Mattia starts unbuttoning the cardigan.

“Don’t you want to stay for the strip tease?”

“I will guard this side of the door,” you smirk. “Don’t tell me you never lock it when you’re changing. What if someone sees you in your underwear?”

“Their respect will grow.”

You’re staring at his hands as he unzips his jeans.

“You look hungry.”

“Very funny.”

“Could you look for the socks for me?” he asks taking the trousers off.

Ah, the famous red socks.

“Will you change your briefs as well?”

“You wish.”

You like being teased by him because you’re alone. He won’t do it in front of other people.

You almost feel sorry for Mattia because the temperature in the room is far from optimal. Maybe that’s the reason why he’s moving so quickly. You help him, by handing him the socks, the red trousers, the red shirt and so on until he is fully dressed.

You hold his glasses when he’s putting the shirt and the sweatshirt on.

“The last time I’ve seen you in your Ferrari uniform, you were just team principal Binotto to me.”

“Who am I now?” he asks, fixing the warm vest on his shoulders before putting his glasses back on.

“My boyfriend, of course,” you pat the tight fabric on Mattia’s belly.

“Your boyfriend needs a haircut,” he says, running his fingers through his curls.

“I think he looks great.” You get onto the tips of your toes to reach his cheek. “Will I seat next to you in the cafeteria?”

“I have a briefing with my staff.”

“At breakfast?”

“Yes.”

“Will Silvia be there?”

“I hope so.”

“I’ll sit with her.”

* * *

“Is there something you would like to do or see?” Silvia asks, as you’re enjoying bread rolls with butter and jam.

“I don’t want to get in anyone’s way.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I want to keep an eye on Mattia.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible.” She grabs her phone. “I’ll send you his updated schedule. He’ll be at a team boss meeting for the next couple of hours. Then he has meetings with his staff and sponsors. And then, depending on how the testing on track will go, he’ll probably spend some time in the garage and on the pitwall.”

“I’ll go for a walk. I’d like to watch the track from the grandstands.”

“It’s quite cold right now.”

“It should be warmer in the garage, right?”

“I wouldn’t go there if I were you. Unless you want to appear on live TV.”

“Where can I watch the live coverage?”

“Do you have a laptop with you?”

“No.”

“There are screens everywhere. Find Valentina if you have any questions. She’s usually in the paddock club, taking care of our guests. You can join them any time you want.”

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

* * *

You want to be useful, but there’s not much you can do.

You keep glancing at Mattia when he’s in your sight. Sometimes you catch him looking at you.

Once he leaves the motorhome, nothing keeps you there.

You go for a stroll up and down the paddock, anonymous to most of the people around. You wish Jess was here with you so you wouldn’t feel lonely.

When you get cold, you return to the Ferrari motorhome. As you enter, you hear a loud chatter in French that slowly dies down as the door closes behind you.

It’s Charles’ mom, his girlfriend and Nicolas Todt sitting together. You hesitate, not sure if you should walk up to them and say hi.

“Cindy! Cindy!” someone’s calling you from the other corner of the cafeteria.

As you turn, you spot Britta and Antti. You head over to them, greeting Charlotte and the rest with a subtle head bow and a smile. You catch Pascale whispering something into Charlotte’s ear, the girl shrugs her shoulders.

“Hi, nice to see you.” Britta and Antti welcome you with hugs.

You smile happily, feeling relieved that someone’s glad to see you.

“How is Sebastian doing?” you ask, sitting down with them.

“Can I get you a coffee?” Antti offers.

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“Sebastian’s sick,” Britta says. “He’s nauseous and very weak. I was hoping to get the official promo shoot postponed until tomorrow, but it’s not possible.”

“So, he will have to come here?”

“He’s already on his way with his dad.”

* * *

“Don’t come near me; it might be contagious,” Sebastian warns you. He looks awful, his face is almost green, his lips pale. “I need to move slowly, or I’ll throw up.”

“I wish you didn’t have to come,” you say. “Let’s hope the photo session won’t take long.”

“Are you coming with us?” Britta asks. “The shooting starts on the grid.”

You look around. It’s almost lunch break. You can see some members of the senior management appearing in the cafeteria. What if Mattia shows up for a meal and you won’t be here to join him?

“I think I’ll stay. Will you come back later?”

“No, Seb’s going back to his hotel. We will be here all day tomorrow.”

“Okay, we’ll talk tomorrow then. Get better, Sebastian.”

“Say hi to Mattia from me.”

“I’m sure he’ll call you later.”

“Do you have my phone number?”

“I’ll give it to her, Sebastian. You better go with Antti. You said you need to move slowly, so you better move now,” Britta suggests.

After Sebastian leaves, Britta gives you her and Sebastian’s phone number.

“Thank you, that’s very nice of you,” you say. “I hope we’ll chat tomorrow.”

* * *

You can’t sit alone and play with your phone while there are Charlotte and Pascale at the table next to you. It feels rude to ignore them.

“Can I join you?” you ask, grabbing your bag.

“Sure,” Charlotte shifts her chair to make room for you.

You sit down. “Is that your first winter testing in the paddock?” you ask.

“Yes.”

“Same.”

Wow… such a gripping conversation…

“Charles must have been surprised when Mattia called him in the morning,” you try again.

“He was, but we were supposed to be here anyway, because he has a photo session.”

Pascale is quiet; you wonder if she’s comfortable speaking English.

Charlotte tucks her hair behind her ears. “To be honest, there’s not much to do.”

“I noticed,” you smile. “I will remember to take a laptop with me tomorrow. I’d like to watch the F1 TV and listen to the commentary. I’m sure that’ll be more productive.”

“They already talked about you.”

“What?”

“Yes, Ted Kravitz mentioned you.” Charlotte trails off, looking at something behind you.

You can feel someone’s hands on your shoulders. “Can I talk to you in private?” Mattia’s soft voice gives you instant goose bumps.

“Of course.”

It’s almost funny how your heart accelerates as you get up, ready to follow Mattia wherever he’ll go. He leads you to the changing room at the back.

“I’ll just leave my laptop in the locker,” he says.

“You’re not using it?”

“No.”

“Can I borrow it for a few hours?”

Mattia opens the door, waiting for you to enter. Once you do, he closes the door and, ignoring your question, he bends down and pulls you into a kiss.

You melt… You just melt… It’s nothing crazy, but it feels intense, because you didn’t expect it. You actually believed that he wanted to talk to you! He can act innocent, that’s for sure.

“Mister Binotto, you’re at work,” you whisper close to his lips as he leans away.

“I apologize,” his hands move to your hips before shifting back up to your waist, as if he wanted to refresh his memory of your curves. “I hope Pascale was nice to you.”

“She didn’t utter a word. Charlotte is bored, and I don’t blame her. I just need a laptop to see what’s going on on the track. Can I borrow yours?”

“I don’t know… if you ask nicely…”

You bite your lip, looking Mattia deeply in the eye.

“Okay, it’s yours!”

“Oh, you must be tired to give up so easily.”

“I just don’t want to get too excited.”

“I would take care of it quickly.”

“I’m sure you would.”

“Mattia?” You hear Silvia’s voice as she politely knocks on the door.

Mattia sighs, stepping away from you. “I’m here,” he says, opening the door.

“I know,” she grabs his shoulder. “Matteo and Laurent want to brief you about the morning session over lunch.”

Mattia turns to you. “I have to go. You can take my laptop for now. But don’t leave the motorhome with it. You can use my desk.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“See you later.” Silvia is pulling him by his elbow, but he still manages to peck your lips before leaving.

* * *

While new team members are arriving and leaving the cafeteria during the lunch break, you retreat to Mattia’s little office. He left his jacket on the back of the chair and it smells of him.

You thank Silvia in your mind for telling Mattia not to overuse the perfume. The smell is more complex and enjoyable when used in moderation, especially after being worn a couple hours and after it mixes with Mattia’s natural scent.

It wouldn’t be appropriate to return to Charlotte only to ask if she remembers what and when exactly Ted was talking about you. If it was during the official coverage, you will need to search for it yourself.

You’ve used Mattia’s laptop before, but he was always somewhere near.

You log in to your F1TV account; the recording from the morning session is already available; it’s only 4 hours and 7 minutes long… You snatch a pair of earphones from your bag and you start watching.

You only get forty minutes into the video, without hearing a word from Ted, when the second session begins, and you decide to follow it live. If someone mentions you again, you won’t miss it this time.

There’s not much action on the track. You wrap your arms around you, wishing you had something warm to drink, but you don’t want to move away from the laptop.

Then you suddenly remember that Mattia’s jacket is hanging on the chair. As you put it on, Mattia’s scent around you intensifies.

You create a text file on Mattia’s laptop that should be easy to spot.

“You’re busy so I decided not to bother you, but I allowed myself to borrow your jacket that you left on the chair. It smells amazing and I might fall asleep in it, because I feel so safe and cosy. I hope you are not cold though. If you are, I am having warm thoughts about you. And I hope you can feel them.”

* * *

“Oh, Mattia, you look nice today,” Silvia stops in front of Mattia’s desk.

“I was a bit cold…”

“He needs his laptop, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, okay.” You take the earbuds out and close the Internet browser. “Where is he now?”

“In the engine room at the back of the garage.”

“Maybe he needs his jacket too.”

“He did look a bit cold the last time I’ve seen him. Come on, let’s get him a cup of coffee. He’ll be happy to see you.”

You feel butterflies in your belly at the thought of seeing Mattia. It’s still the same feeling as when you were having your first interactions with him. Maybe it feels so intense because you’re in his world.

“I better take the jacket off. It’s not my size.”

Silvia smiles, putting a hand on your back. “I can get you some warm clothes.”

“No, I just need a warm beverage and a bit of movement.” Also, you’re already getting warm at the thought of seeing Mattia.

What you don’t know is that there are some reporters and photographers outside. Silvia is kind enough to carry the cup of coffee for Mattia. You are carrying the bag with Mattia’s laptop and his red jacket.

“Just walk,” Silvia says quietly, without looking at you.

Walking is not that hard, right? Why are your legs so jittery then? Why are you self-conscious, and aware of how unnatural your walk is?

Should you smile? Should you look ahead or under your feet? Now you’re smiling at the ground and it must look ridiculous.

“Miss Matthews!” someone shouts, drawing your attention. You look straight into a camera lens.

“They were not supposed to bother you,” Silvia mutters under her breath.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Trust me. If you give them a finger, they will assume it’s a permission to take your entire hand.”

“Thank you for protecting me. I just hope they will get bored.”

“Let’s hurry up; Mattia’s coffee is getting cold.”

You pick up the pace and soon enough you reach the back of Ferrari garage, leaving the reporters and photographers outside.

As you follow Silvia through the maze of narrow corridors, you stumble upon Jock Clear.

“Hello! Nice to see you again.” The bald engineer who is working on Charles’ side of the garage, leans forward to give you a peck on the cheek.

You recall your previous visits here when you were just Jess’ friend. You were not getting pecks on the cheek from senior engineers back then. And nobody was stopping to greet you.

“Nice to see you too, how’s the testing going?”

“Could’ve been worse.”

“Have you seen Mattia?” Silvia asks.

“Yes, he’s just gone to the garage to talk to Charles.”

“Could you let him know that we’re here?”

“Sure.”

You wait by the door to the engine room; it’s open, there are four guys inside sitting behind computer screens, wearing headphones.

“Damn it, I have to pee,” Silvia turns to you before handing you Mattia’s coffee. “I’ll be right back.”

She leaves you alone with the coffee, the laptop, and the jacket.

The engineers stare at you through the open door; you hope that they remember you from the team building event. Or they are probably wondering what this young woman in her private clothes is doing here…

You turn toward the entrance to the garage, but instead of Mattia, it’s Jock walking back. “He’s on the pitwall. But I sent him a…”

“No, he’s not,” Matta appears behind Jock, making a move as if he wanted to tickle him, but then realized that Jock might not like it.

“You’re quick,” Jock says, throwing a glance at you. “But I don’t blame you. You want to take a break?”

“I can’t.” Mattia walks past him, his eyes on you.

You’re waiting at him with probably a visible excitement. Well, it’s nothing the guys in the engine room haven’t seen, right? Unless they are all single…

“Here’s your coffee, your jacket and your laptop, sir,” you say, jokingly.

“Thank you, dear.” Mattia wants a little kiss first.

You see one of the guys in the engine room gaping at you before he bursts out laughing. “I thought she’s your new assistant!”

“Yes, I kiss my assistants. All the time. Just ask Silvia.”

You love to see Mattia in a good mood, but maybe he only cheered up because you’re close to him?

“I’m Cindy, hi.” Once your hands are free, you extend a hand to the guy. “Mattia’s very private assistant.”

The guy smiles broadly. “Matteo. My pleasure.”

“She’s my life assistant,” Mattia puts the laptop and the coffee on the desk.

Silvia appears in the corridor waving her hands to dry them quicker. “I beg you, Mattia, wear the jacket when you sit on the pitwall.”

That’s exactly what you wanted to say, but for some reason it’s better for Silvia to say it.

“Thank you. We’ll talk later, okay?” Mattia puts a hand on your shoulder. Only a few seconds of delicate stroking and you’re already blushing. The fact that the guys are staring at you, makes you even more flustered.

“Okay. Take care.”

“You too.” He’s still touching you, looking at your face with a contented smile.

But Silvia is ready to leave and her body language is clear – you must follow her.

* * *

You’re not anonymous to the news chasers anymore. Looks like they not only know your face, but also your name.

Cindy Matthews. Despite your initial doubt, the second name came coming back to you, sounding better in better in your head.

Silvia escorts you back to the Ferrari hospitality building.

You spend the rest of the session staring at the screen on the wall, but you can’t hear the commentary, because the audio is turned off.

You keep checking your phone, hoping to get a message from Mattia. He must have a break at some point! But as you keep staring at his schedule that Silvia sent you in the morning, you wonder if it’s still accurate.

“Do you need anything?” Valentina stops by your chair. “The girls told me that you haven’t eaten yet.”

“I… yeah, I… guess I forgot.” You feel like an idiot, but Valentina doesn’t seem judgemental.

“We have a short menu during testing, but everything is delicious.”

“I’m not picky when it comes to Italian food.”

“I will tell the chef to prepare something for you.”

“That’s very kind of you, thank you.”

* * *

Right when you start eating, Charlotte and Pascale show up. The afternoon session is coming to an end, Charles should be free to leave soon.

Charlotte turns to your table straight away, but Charles’ mum stops her, grasping her arm. She says something to her in French and they both move to a different part of the cafeteria.

You wish you picked a different chair because they can stare at you while you’re eating. At least the photographers can only see your back.

When you’re having a dessert, Charles shows up. He’s still wearing his racing overalls. When you look at Charlotte’s face when he enters the room, you can’t stop yourself from smiling. No matter how unfairly Charles treated Jess, Charlotte’s clearly in love with him.

Nobody is bothering you and you feel comfortable sitting alone. You wish you could understand French better; you can only guess that Charles is talking about his testing experience, and judging by the look on his face, he’s not optimistic.

But it’s only day one. Things should get better.

* * *

“Mattia wanted me to give you this.” Silvia puts the laptop on the table in front of you. “The final debrief should end in an hour.”

“And that’s it? He’ll be free to leave?” you ask. The evening session debrief was the last event in Mattia’s schedule.

“No, he has a business dinner afterwards.”

“Oh…”

“You won’t go to bed hungry, don’t worry. I just need to change my clothes, and we’ll go for a dinner together.”

“That’s nice of you. I’ll be here. I still have a few hours of the morning session to catch up.”

Silvia smiles at you. “You probably know more about what happened on the track than I do.”

“If I see or hear something interesting, I’ll let you know.”

* * *

“Team principal Mattia Binotto was among the first people who arrived to the paddock early in the morning…”

You quickly swallow the juice, hearing Ted’s words.

“He looked happy and relaxed. It’s his second season as team principal. The first year was full of troubles that I doubt anyone expected. He seems to be much more successful in his private life. His lovely, young girlfriend is with him today. Cindy Matthews is her name. I’ve also seen Charles’ girlfriend Charlotte in the Ferrari hospitality area. She’s a bit younger than miss Matthews of course, but I hope they will become friends and that we will be seeing both ladies regularly in the paddock. I’m sure Mattia and Charles will appreciate the support. It’s not going to be an easy season for Ferrari, again, since the engine advantage that they had over the last season seems to have disappeared during the last couple of races last year.”

You realize that your mouth is open. You quickly look around; hoping nobody noticed your reaction.

Lovely, young girlfriend… You knew your age would draw attention.

You still remember which motorsport sites update their photo galleries the fastest. You type the right address into a browser. Your heart beating fast, you keep clicking through the photos…

They’re usually chronological, so if there’s a photo of you with Mattia, it should be one of the first photos in the gallery.

There’s not even one picture of Mattia in the entire gallery.

You check Getty images.

You find a couple photos of Mattia taken inside the garage. He’s rubbing the corners of his eyes and he looks exhausted. You haven’t done anything productive the whole day, but somehow, mentally you’re tired. You can only imagine what he must feel like.

* * *

A familiar fragrance draws your attention, as you follow Silvia to the table. You slightly turn your head… and you nearly trip over a chair.

Mattia is in the same restaurant, sitting at a table with two men, one is bald, the other grey. You’ve just walked by his chair. You’re going to sit two tables away, but the table between you is not being used.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Silvia chuckles quietly.

“You knew!”

“It was Mattia’s idea, not mine.” Silvia takes a seat by your table.

You sit across from Mattia’s chair, throwing a furtive glance at him.

Your eyes meet immediately, almost as if he could sense your gaze.

You look down with a sigh.

“What? Do you want to switch chairs?”

“No!” you are surprised by the loudness of your voice. Your reaction draws Mattia’s gaze again. Did he smirk?

“What do you want to eat?”

“I… let me see…” You grab the menu; it’s in Spanish. Don’t look up… Don’t look up… Forget about him. Yes, he always picks the food for you. But he’s not thinking about it now… He can’t be…

“If you’re undecided, Mattia suggested something for you,” Silvia says, her voice amused.

“He did not…” You openly glare straight at Mattia. He quickly averts his eyes, but not fast enough to hide that he was looking at you again.

“You can ignore it.”

“I can, but I won’t.”

* * *

Silvia orders food in Spanish.

First, it’s coca bread with tomato to spike your appetite. Then a paella with zucchini, shrimp, and chicken to fill your stomach and warm you up.

Silvia hesitates while ordering wine. She checks her phone. “He forgot to mention…”

“Tell the waiter that we’ll have whatever wine this handsome gentleman is having,” you suggests, pointing at Mattia with a discreet head nod.

Silvia smiles before repeating the request to the waiter.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Mattia eating the same dish. His glass is filled with white wine, but that’s all you can say about it.

When the waiter brings the wine, you grasp the glass and smell it curiously. You can feel Mattia’s stare, but you decide not to check if he’s really looking at you.

You take a small sip. “It’s dry…” you grimace, putting the glass down.

You hear Mattia clearing his throat and as you glance at him, you see that he’s pressing his lips together, clearly struggling to keep a straight face.

“Dry white wine is my least favourite.”

“But it tastes good with certain types of food,” Silvia says.

“Maybe… we’ll see…” The paella is delicious, and the wine goes well with it. You are happy to agree with Silvia and with Mattia who chose this wine in the first place.

“I followed almost the entire coverage,” you say to Silvia as you’re finishing your meal. “And I heard Ted Kravitz talking about me. He mentioned my name. He said he’d like me and Charlotte to become friends.”

Silvia wipes her mouth with a tissue. “I know what he said. He called you lovely and young.”

“Do you think I should maybe look for him and have a chat? Since he’s so interested…”

“No, not yet. Maybe later in the season.”

You’re still wearing the black turtleneck. After you ate, you feel hot and you wish you could uncover your neck. And tease Mattia a bit…

All you can do is to put your hand at the edge of the table, where he can see it, and start slowly stroking the tablecloth. While imagining that there’s something else under your fingertips. And hoping that he’s picturing the same thing…

Mattia fidgets in his chair. Usually there’s only one button on his shirt that he can undo without looking too relaxed. And it’s already undone.

When you and Silvia get quiet, you can hear him speak English with the two men at his table.

Poor Mattia; it’s so late and he’s still forced to speak that complicated tongue!

He has not finished his paella yet. He puts a small portion of food into his mouth, before glancing at your hand. Chewing slowly, he stares at your fingers as they softly caress the white cloth. Your eyes meet for a second. I know what you’re doing, his barely visible smirk appears to say.

He grabs his glass and lifts it to his lips. You wish you could taste his lips right now…

“Hey, Cindy, are you listening?” Silvia leans to the side to block your view. “Are you flirting with him?” she whispers.

“No…”

“Have mercy on him, girl.”

“He has an impressive self-control. That’s one of the things I love about him.”

“Is that why you’re testing him?”

“I’m not flirting with him. We’re just… sharing space.” As you say it, you meet Mattia’s gaze again.

He fixes the watch on his wrist, his long fingers drawing your attention. The unrolled white cuffs… His shirt was hanging in the locker almost the entire day, so it’s still fresh.

You want to wear it… on your naked skin… But you’ll have to take it off Mattia first.

“Cindy?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you ready for dessert?”

The waiter brings you French toast with vanilla ice cream. Two minutes later he delivers the same dessert to Mattia who dips his little finger in the ice cream and licks it off.

The two men finish their wine and, unexpectedly they get up from their chairs. No dessert for them?

“Thank you. It was a pleasure,” Mattia lifts himself up as well.

“The next one is on me,” the bald man says, shaking Mattia’s hand. “I hope you don’t mind that we’re leaving you alone with your dessert.”

“No, not at all. See you in Melbourne.”

“Yes. Have a good testing, sir.”

“You too… I mean, good luck with your enterprise.”

As the men walk by your chair, leaving, you feel warmth spreading all over your body. The ice cream on your plate is melting faster from the energy released by finally having Mattia’s full attention.

“Are we enjoying ourselves?” he asks, sitting down and grasping a little spoon to eat the ice cream.

“Yes, we are,” you say, surprised by how much joy you are feeling only because you can openly smile at him and see him smile back.

“Go sit with him,” Silvia says.

“I’m not leaving you alone.”

“Just go.”

“Okay, let me at least pay for the dinner…”

“No need. Mattia’s paying for everything.” Silvia pulls a phone from her bag and starts checking messages.

“Oh… that’s so generous of him,” you say, loudly, looking at Mattia.

You grab your plate and your glass. Your vision is like a tunnel, there’s Mattia at the end of it, and the rest is just a blur.

“Did you enjoy your meal?” he asks, pulling a chair for you closer to his chair.

You wish you could sit on his lap… Maybe later… in the hotel…

“I did.” You sit down, placing your glass and your plate on the table.

Mattia leans closer, pressing his lips to your cheek, his breath tickles your ear. “You want more wine?”

“No… It would only numb my senses…” you whisper, seeking his hand.

“Let’s finish the dessert and get out of here.”

“Good idea.”

Holding left hands, and playing with each other’s fingers, you focus on your plates.

* * *

“I read your message,” Mattia says in the taxi.

“Which one?” You pull his hand away from your crotch; the man’s getting slightly too daring.

“The one on my laptop. I felt warm many times today. Especially when I was thinking about you.”

“Describe your thoughts…”

“Nothing specific. I was just wondering if you’re okay.”

“I was fine. But tomorrow I’ll take my laptop with me. And a warmer jacket.”

“It was cold in the morning.”

“The evening is quite warm…” You give up controlling his hand… The taxi driver can’t see it anyway and you’re a woman; you don’t have to worry about getting an erection.

“Hot even…” Mattia whispers before clearing his throat as if to get rid of the accidental hoarseness in his voice. It’s not accidental though. It’s caused by the same thing that makes you turn your head to the window and pretend that nothing’s going on. It’s dark, nobody will see your blush… Nobody will notice that you’re having trouble controlling your breathing.

You want to be in bed already, but at the same time you want to stay in this taxy a little longer. The sexual hunger inside you is so intense, that even the silly touching over the fabric of your jeans could push you over the edge.

You blink hazily, as the taxi halts to a stop.

As you’re clambering out, you keep studying the sensations in your underbelly, remembering all too well the orgasm you once had on the stairs.

Mattia manages to walk to your side of the car. “You look sleepy,” he says, grasping your hand to help you get out.

“Not funny…”

“Ha-ha. Don’t worry. Just a couple more steps and you’ll be in bed.”

“Don’t tell me that you’re not sleepy.”

“I am. Just like you.” Mattia teasing you because you can’t hide your arousal is the only type of teasing that’s never annoying. You don’t mind appearing weak and easy – because you know there’s another explanation to your inebriated state – Mattia is just too hot, too powerful, too attractive to ignore.

“I like these moments when we know what’s going to happen, but… we don’t know the details,” he says, leaning back against the elevator wall.

He’s just holding your hand, his thumb caressing your skin.

“Is there something you’d like to happen in particular?” you ask softly.

Mattia’s stare lingers on your hips. He’s just looking at you, and yet you already fidget, your imagination running wild. What is he seeing? Not your jeans, that’s for sure. What are you doing in his mind? What’s his first thought when he looks at your body? Does he just want to touch you or something else? Is he remembering the cosiness and warmth of being inside you?

When you see him wet his lips, you inhale shakily…

“I don’t know yet,” he says.

The air in the elevator feels hot and stiff. Thank God the door opens, allowing you to take a deeper breath.

“I need to pack my laptop and leave it by the door. I’d hate to forget it tomorrow,” you start rambling. You’re aware that you’ve probably mentioned it already, but you can’t shut up.

Mattia unlocks the door; you enter first.

“So far I haven’t seen anyone in the hospitality unit who would actually watch what’s happening on the track.”

Yeah, yeah, keep pretending that you’re up for a small talk… As if he couldn’t hear the tone of your voice.

“I’m fairly sure I will spend a lot of time with Britta tomorrow. She seems so approachable…”

Mattia leaves his laptop bag by the door and starts taking his jacket off. You get rid of your shoes first, before taking the coat off. You can’t wait to get rid of that turtleneck. It was great when you were sitting alone in Mattia’s office; it kept your neck warm, but now… it makes you sweat…

Yeah, let’s blame it on the turtleneck.

“I really hope Sebastian will feel better. Was he ever sick like this before? I used to follow all the news about him closely, but I can’t recall. One time he had a fever…”

“It’s okay, you can’t stop talking now.” Mattia grasps your hand.

“Does it annoy you?” you ask, letting him pull you toward the bed.

He sits down at the edge. “Nice try.” He pats his thighs. “Sit down.”

Heart pounding in your chest, you follow his command. You stare at your hands, feeling Mattia’s warm breath on your ear.

“No need to be shy,” he says softly. “It’s intense, I know. So many things happening in your body right now… so many changes… Heart racing… but…” he grasps you chin and turns your head. “I want to see your eyes.”

When you look into Mattia’s chocolate brown eyes, you see his dilated pupils and you realize that your mouth is completely dry.

“I was pleased to see you today,” he continues, his hand shifting to your neck.

You struggle to keep eye contract, but not because you’re ashamed; it’s just your eyelids are so heavy.

“Especially when I didn’t expect to see you. It was a nice surprise.”

Struggling to swallow, you glance at Mattia’s lips. They seem juicy and wet… kissing them would be a relief…

“You said that I can stop talking and now you’re the one talking…”

Mattia narrows his eyes. “Oh, no, no…” He wraps his hand around your neck, as if he wanted to choke you, but it's gentle and your breathing is not limited in any way. “I’m calling the shots tonight. You know why?”

You just shake your head.

“Because you were groping the table in front of me.”

You need a moment to figure out what he means… You still decide to play dumb. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“And now you’re lying.” Mattia heaves a deep sigh, taking his hand away from your neck. He takes his glasses off and hands them to you. “Put them on the nightstand.”

You can’t reach the spot; you get up, noticing how Mattia’s attention turns to your hips again.

“Now take your clothes off,” he orders, when you’re placing the glasses next to a little lamp.

You start with the turtleneck. You want to move to your jeans next, leaving the bra on, but you change your mind. You expose your breasts, dropping the bra on the carpet and glancing at Mattia to see his reaction.

The air in the room feels ice cold on your hot skin. No wonder your nipples are hard.

Unfortunately, as you told Silvia, Mattia has an impressive self-control…

You imagine he’s only that disciplined because he knows he’ll get everything he wants from you. Eventually. He’s playing hard to impress because he knows that it turns you on. And he teaches you patience in return.

You unzip your jeans before pulling them down together with the underwear.

You notice Mattia’s lips parting. His mouth stays open as you bend to get rid of the rest of your clothes, socks included.

“I’m cold…” you say, looking at your feet.

“I can warm you up, if you ask nicely.”

“Please…”

“Be specific.” He starts unbuttoning his shirt, which already helps.

“Warm me up, sir… please…”

“I said specific.”

“Let me lie down, sir.”

He’s quiet for a moment, staring into your eyes and making you shake a little. When he nods, giving you his permission, you hastily walk to the other side of the bed and you clamber under the duvet.

“You look like you don’t need me to…”

“I want you to lie next to me, sir and kiss me hard… and tease me with your tongue.” The sheet under your body is warming up quickly.

The idea to just lie down was brilliant. You don’t have to worry about fainting and collapsing anymore. You can also spread your legs and wait…

Mattia doesn’t want to wrinkle his clothes. You admire his composure as he’s slowly undressing, hanging the shirt at the back of a chair, taking the undershirt off, folding it and leaving on the chair.

After turning to face you, he starts undoing his belt. You openly stare at his hands, knowing that he likes seeing your reactions too.

As he unzips his trousers, his phone starts to ring. “Damn it… I’m sorry, I need to take this.” He grabs the phone and presses it to his ear. “Ciao, Enrico.”

Patience, my friend. Lady Ferrari is just jealous because he’s giving you too much attention. She wants to steal this night from you…

After struggling to pull the trousers down with just one hand, Mattia puts the caller on the speakerphone and leaves the phone on the table.

“Yes. I understand.”

“It could be the gearbox. We’re going to check it tomorrow.”

“Shame it didn’t come up earlier.”

“We wouldn’t need testing then.”

“How fast can you fix it?” Mattia pulls his trousers down, together with his underwear.

“I don’t know yet. I just wanted to ask if I should start making calls tonight or wait until we’re certain about our diagnosis.”

Mattia sits on the chair to take the socks off.

His naked body makes you smile. His long legs especially. You usually can’t focus on his belly when he has nothing on, because your eyes are drawn to other things… things that make you drool.

“Call everyone and give them a heads up. The sooner they start working on a new concept the better.”

“Yes, sir. And sorry for calling so late.”

Mattia grabs his phone to end the call. “Apologize to my girlfriend.”

“I’m freezing here.”

“You look pretty hot to me.” Without losing more time, Mattia gets on the bed.

“My hands are cold… Look…”

“Aaa!” You can’t believe the sound that just came from his mouth. “Do you want me to shrink?!”

“You’d still be big.”

“Christ… woman… I need to take care of you for real…” He’s finally close to you, his hands slide under the duvet, his lips taste your lips. “I’m sorry that it took so long…”

You kiss him back, your tongue brushing against his… just a little… just to remind him what you wanted…

Propping himself on an elbow, he looks at your face from up close. “I missed you…”

“Why are you still talking?”

He smiles, his warm hand crawling between your legs. “I like watching your face… Especially when I do this…”

You let out a soft moan, disarmed by his touch. Just like in the taxi, but much better because there’s no fabric between your body and his fingertips. He can reach everywhere… he can feel every tiny crevice on your delicate flesh, he can study it, smoothen it, massage…

“You want more kissing?”

Your throat is too tight to speak, so you just nod.

And then the magic begins.

When you were in the elevator, and you were feeling the tension between you, you were sure he’d lunge on you and rip the clothes off you. Maybe you were just projecting your own lust, because Mattia is rarely like this. If you have time, he has time.

It comes with age. He’s not obsessed with the destination. He’s all about the journey. And sometimes, when you enjoy the road without rush, and you let the awe and the beauty lead you, you end up in an unexpected place that makes you feel even more fulfilled.

“Can I uncover you?”

“Yes.” There is no other answer, but it’s nice of him to ask.

When he gets rid of the duvet, you lift your head. You love the sight of his hand between your legs… You both seem to be attracted to it, because you are both staring at it, as he keeps touching you in a slow, delicate manner.

Your breathing is deeper and louder, little hissing sounds escape you from time to time – a good sign for Mattia that his touch is doing the job.

You feel like you should do something, not just lie on your back. He probably wants you to touch him too, but your head is so heavy. You’re too drowsy to move a finger.

“I’m sleepy again…” you say, with a surrendering smile.

“Yeah? Are you always so wet when you’re sleepy?”

“Oh, you got me there…”

Mattia smiles, shifting to the middle of the bed which wipes the smile off your face, replacing it with a hungry grimace and a frown of anticipation.

The hand is still moving, long fingers getting more and more exploratory. Mattia’s mouth closes around your nipple.

“Oh, yes…” you purr, reaching to his hair straight away.

You love the tickling of his tongue there. Your hips start rocking…

He knows you are more than ready for him, but he’s not in a rush.

“You’re my favourite dessert… nobody can taste it just me…” he whispers before sucking on your other nipple. “Salty… and sweet like cherries… and a lot of…” his lips shift to your belly. “Ripe excitement…”

You’re drunk on lust when you see him getting ready to taste your wetness.

“You’re too kind…” you moan at the lightest flick of his tongue. “God… yes… oh yes… oh yes…” like a broken record, but you can’t stop.

Sometimes it’s all about repetition. Like watering a plant. You do the same thing every day, and you watch it grow bigger…

The only question is – will he keep pleasuring you like this until you’re satisfied, or will he stop and move to a different kind of magic?

You don’t want him to stop… You force yourself to be quiet, just to hide from him how close to an orgasm you really are.

But it’s not easy to hide pleasure, when it’s that big. When it makes your entire body twitch and your face turns red…

“Oh… fuck…” you can’t hide it anymore. It’s too good.

His tongue found the right frequency to cause an earthquake.

“Don’t stop…” you beg, just in case. “Please…”

He’s not stopping. He grasps your hand, letting you squeeze as hard as you can.

A few seconds later you’re gasping for air, your body throbbing with bliss under his warm, wet mouth…

Only after your breathing calms down, he shifts back to rest his head on the pillow. “Are you warm now?” he asks, kissing you before you can give an answer. His lips taste of you, there’s a subtle saltiness to them, and something else, a complicated, arousing body chemistry that makes people lose their minds.

“Are my hands all right?” you touch Mattia’s neck.

“Yes.”

“Good… I’d hate you to shrink now.”

“I thought you said…”

“Shut up.” You roll onto your side, leaning down to kiss him hard. Blocking his tongue from arguing.

Clumsily, you grope around his belly… There he is… Fits perfectly in your hand.

Mattia breaks the kiss with a sigh before resting his head on the pillow. “Strange not to see our reflection,” he says, looking at the ceiling.

“You want me to describe what I’m doing?”

“No need. I can feel it.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

You lean down to press your lips to Mattia’s eyebrow. “Good…”

He smiles, fixing the pillow under his head. Even if he can feel exactly what you’re doing, he still wants to see it. He probably wants to check if your fingers are trembling…

“I saw you on the F1TV today. And on a few photos.”

“Was I handsome?” he reaches to your face before brushing a strand of hair off your forehead.

“You put your hand under your glasses, and you were rubbing the corners of your eyes.”

“I probably did that many times today.”

“I thought: my little boy is tired… sleepy… or worried… If only I could take him somewhere private and make him feel better. I’d make the blood course fast in his veins…”

“It’s pretty fast right now…”

And it’s pretty hot, you think, noticing how visible all the veins on his body are. You trust he won’t mind if you turn the heat up even more.

“I hope you packed some condoms.” You let go of his erection, shifting to reach the nightstand.

He seems a bit surprised. “Yes, if they’re not in the drawer…”

“Found them.” You open the box. “No, honey, you lie down. I’ll take care of it.”

“As you wish.”

You shift closer to his hips, grasping the wrapping as if you wanted to tear the edge. You pretend to hesitate.

“What?” Mattia asks, putting a hand under his head.

“Don’t you want me to do something else first?”

“Like what?” Now is his turn to play dumb. Fair enough.

“I can be generous too.”

He forgot how to speak.

You get quiet too because there’s a better use for your tongue.

The low growl that comes out of his mouth when you take his hardness into your mouth is exactly what you wanted to hear.

You close your eyes and you focus on the moment, slowly moving your head up and down… up and down, drooling like crazy…

When you get more comfortable, you pick up the pace… Mattia’s breathing gets faster as well.

You smile, feeling his fingers in your hair.

“Take it easy or I’ll…”

You let him slip out of your mouth. “Do you want to come now?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Okay.” Caressing him gently with your hand, you lean down to kiss and suckle on the tip of his erection.

He keeps touching your hair, making eye contact many times, but he doesn’t always smile. Sometimes he just seems overwhelmed.

He grabs the condom, giving you a subtle sign that he wants you to move away. He sits up to put it on.

“You probably walked more than me today," you say. "So if you want, I can be on top.” You are mesmerized by Mattia’s long fingers rolling the thin latex down.

“Is that what you want?”

“It’s just a suggestion.”

“I want you in my arms.” He puts his feet on the carpet. “Let’s move to the sofa, and do what we did in your flat, but the adult version.”

“Yes!”

“Someone’s excited, ha-ha.”

Technically you’re still going to be on top, but Mattia will be sitting. His lips will be close!

“Let’s call it cuddly sex,” he suggests, walking up to the sofa. “You will still have to do most of the job, but I feel like… that’s what you want right now…”

“You know me well.”

He sits down, with a hand on his erection, waiting for you.

“I don’t remember this… weapon being there when you were in my flat.”

“It was there… believe me, ha-ha, just trapped.”

You kneel astride Mattia’s lap, ready to lower your hips once Mattia positions the tip where it needs to be.

“You sure you want to kneel?”

“That’s how we did it in my… flaaaaat…” you moan, as Mattia’s erection slowly fills you inside, stretching your body.

He chuckles at your reaction, but the fierce blush on his cheek is a clear sign that the experience is intense for him as well.

“We were not that calm.” He wraps his arms around you, pressing your bellies and chests together.

“Cuddly… indeed…”

“Don’t fall asleep though.”

“You better worry about yourself.”

Letting out a short laugh, Mattia starts pushing his hips up. He’s sitting, so his movement is limited, but it’s still giving you enough stimulation to make you tilt your head back.

He seizes the opportunity; his warm lips start softly caressing your neck.

Slow and lazy. He’s around you and inside you. You’re safe and full. The sheer size of him is enough to wind your lust up.

Your position on Mattia’s lap is the only thing in common with the experience from your flat. That evening you lost control of yourself and your desire spilled over the edges. The pleasure was real, but it couldn’t be as intense as the orgasms you experienced with him later. It was more about relief, now – it’s all about comfort and skill.

You know your body better. You know how it reacts to different types of stimulation. There are different kinds of sex – you even have names for them, like lazy lovemaking, desk fuck and so on, and you learned to listen to your body and mind when choosing the right type for the right moment.

As you leisurely rock your hips, you feel Mattia’s hardness move inside you. Not much, maybe a centimetre in and out, but it’s big so the stretching is still intense. You work your internal muscles, intensifying the experience.

Mattia’s shaky sigh brings a smile to your lips. He can feel it, that’s good.

At some point, seduced by the growing pleasure, you lean back, leaving the cradle of Mattia’s arms and you increase the sway of your hips.

You watch his long fingers encompassing your hips; his hands are so large that he can hold you like a trophy. Hold you and push and pull, and help you move, and help you slide up and down.

“Do you want me to go faster?”

He looks up, smiling lightly at you. He likes smiling during sex, as often as he can. “Only if you’re close. I won’t last long if we speed up…”

“Not close enough.”

His gaze glides down your body to pause between your legs. “I can help.” After licking his thumb, he reaches to where your bodies are joined and finds the throbbing pleasure centre.

You shiver feeling the coolness of his saliva on your flesh. The delicate, swollen skin is wet and slick now, perfect for massaging.

“Oh, yeah… that’s good… so good…”

You’re not desperate to move faster anymore. You just want the thumb to keep moving… it needs a small correction…

You touch Mattia’s hand. “Here… like this…”

He takes his hand away to wet his index and his middle finger, the precise ones, before pressing them to your body again. You fix the positioning of his fingertips, showing him what you crave.

“Yes… right there… Oh… my lord…” you push your hips up and forward, feeling Mattia’s hardness rubbing against your G-spot.

You increase the pace, but not much. The precision of Mattia’s fingers is more important. The cock will do its job no matter what – because it’s huge.

“Oh… fuck…”

“You come first, and then go really fast. As fast as you can.”

“Yes, sir…” You feel tears gathering in your eyes… Oh, the bliss. It’s going to be a combo orgasm, you just know it, and you must remember that you’re in a hotel.

Don’t scream… Don’t scream…

“Oh… god…” It’s a fucking tsunami again, and when it hits you, you forget about Mattia’s request.

You hear him shushing you. You can barely control your twitching body, but you manage to close your mouth shut. You’re still moaning, but at least the sound is muffled.

You feel Mattia’s hands grabbing your hips again. Big and strong.

He said move as fast as you can.

“I’m sorry… I’m with you…” blinking hard, you try to ignore the orgasmic aftershocks that are still messing with your movement coordination.

You find the right balance and you start to move. Fast. Probably faster than he expected.

He growls, making you look at his face. “You’re a goddess…”

Breathing hard, you keep swaying your hips.

You feel the grip of his fingers getting tighter, it’s almost painful. You wouldn’t mind if he left a mark on you. He’s not aiding your movement; you’re doing a great job without his help. But he’s working his hips as well, pushing up when you push down.

“Matt…”

“Yes?”

“Can you hold back?”

“I could try…” He’s smiling, so he probably can.

Unlike you. You’re sweating and grimacing. “I’m sorry…” you moan.

“For what?”

“I want to come again…”

“Be my guest.” He stops smiling. You don’t have much time.

Even though your thigh and belly muscles are burning and sweat is gathering in droplets on your skin… You keep working your hips.

“Go, my queen. Take what’s yours…” Mattia says, looking you straight in the eye. “All the bliss in the world.”

“Almost… almost…” you tilt your head back, hearing Mattia’s throaty moan at the same moment when another orgasm hits you.

Shaking and making sniffling noises, you manage to keep your eyes open. You want to watch him. Your king. Finally getting satisfied.

You like to think that Mattia’s orgasm – usually one for the entire love making session – is a sum of all your orgasms combined. And judging by how lost he appears when he finally stops gasping, it could be close to reality.

“Was it good for you?” you ask, leaning forward to give him a short kiss. Only a short one because he needs air.

He collapses against the back of the sofa. “I don't have words…”

Smiling, you run your fingers down his chest hair. “I had too much fun.”

Mattia chuckles. “You’re young and healthy. I will probably never be able to test your limits.”

“You can tire me out, you know that.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Can I?”

“Of course.” You lean forward to kiss him.

He places a hand on your sweaty back, keeping your lips pressed to his longer.

“I love you,” he confesses.

Even though his erection is gone, you can still feel him inside. You also feel intense sleepiness.

“I love you too, Mattia…” you whisper.

“Can I carry you to bed?”

“Are you sure?”

“I can carry you. Remember when I carried Jess?”

“Yes, but that was after a meal. Not after a day of running up and down the paddock and… almost an hour of sex…”

“Hold on to my shoulders.” He simply stands up, grabbing you by your thighs.

“Oh, I like it… Can we sleep like this?”

“I would prefer to get rid of the used condom…”

You pout when Mattia places you carefully on the bed. As he does it, his manhood slips out of you.

“I can put my finger inside you if you want,” he laughs. “But I doubt it would make you sleepy.”

* * *

“How much until your alarm goes off?” you ask when Mattia returns from the bathroom.

“Almost seven hours.”

“Not too bad.”

“I’m sure I’ll sleep well.”

“My phone is still in my bag. Could you get it for me?”

“Is that allowed?”

“What?”

“For a man to search through a woman’s bag.”

“I allow it.”

He finds it quickly and hands it to you.

You can see a tiny blinking light, indicating that someone was trying to call you. Mattia’s phone is always turned on, but you like keeping yours on mute. When you are with Mattia, everything else can wait.

Mattia joins you in bed and turns the bedside lamp on his side off.

“My mother was trying to call me…” you frown, checking the time of the call. “When we were at the restaurant.”

“If she tried only once, it can’t be urgent."

“It’s already too late to call her back, but I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Good idea.”

You put the phone on the nightstand, reaching to the lamp to turn it off.

You both find the best position to sleep comfortably and as close to each other as possible.

“I’m pretty sure I will wake up with an erection,” Mattia says after a few seconds of silence. “I can’t stop thinking about your hips…”

You smile in the darkness. “You better control yourself, Mattia, because we really have to sleep.”

“I know. I’m just saying what I think will happen when I wake up.”

“And what am I supposed to do with this information?”

“I don’t know…”

“You’re aware that you’re making me think about your erection right now?”

“Oops…”

“I will take care of it. Always. But if you keep teasing me instead of sleeping, you won’t feel my tongue tomorrow in the shower.”

Mattia takes a shaky breath in. “Oh God…”


	21. Fall from grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your mother is not picking up. Jess spends some time with you in Mattia's house while he is in Paris. When he returns, things get tense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very long chapter, so it took me longer to write it. I hope you will enjoy it. I think it's quite good because there's a bit of comedy and a lot of drama. Thanks for the comments. Looking forward to hear about your reading experience, if you want to share. Remember that comments are like fuel; the more I get, the faster I write.

_February 19th, 2020, Barcelona_

You’re still not used to waking up in hotels. Every time you open your eyes and you find yourself in an unfamiliar place, you feel a surge of panic. Luckily, it’s quelled by the scent of the man sleeping next to you.

The man who _was_ sleeping next to you. But he’s still close; his perfume projects an aura of gravity and strength.

Mattia leaves the bathroom, buttoning a white shirt up.

“What time is it?” you ask, squinting at him with your puffy eyes.

“Almost seven. You were fast asleep; I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.” He approaches your side of the bed before sitting down next to you. “Listen, honey. There’s no point for you to be in the paddock so early. Get more sleep, and when you’re well rested, Silvia will send someone to get you.”

You watch his long fingers on the cuff. “Okay,” you say, still processing what he said and what it means.

He’s ready to leave. He got ready when you were sleeping. He woke up, took a shower, brushed his teeth, brushed his hair…

“See you later then.” He leans down to kiss you.

You feel like a dishevelled, useless clown, while he’s a handsome, powerful team principal, smelling of Armani perfume, and wearing an offensively expensive Hublot watch.

He has a job to do. A job that he loves. And yet his lips linger on yours…

You wish he’d woken you up; he clearly had something specific in mind last night when you were talking before falling asleep.

Maybe he doesn’t want the post-orgasmic laziness influencing his work. Maybe he likes being on edge, maybe it energizes him, makes his mind sharper and clearer?

“I feel lucky,” he says before leaning away.

You stare at him, speechless, stunned by his charm.

He doesn’t even notice it. Or he does, but he can’t react to it. Not now.

* * *

“Such a shame you’re not here with me,” you say to Jess over the phone.

“Sorry, girl, but I’m not really into that world anymore. I don’t want to see traitor’s face, not to mention his mother.”

“But wouldn’t you want to rub it into his face how happy you are without him?”

“I’m too old for that.”

“There’s plenty handsome guys to choose from.”

“Yeah, but I’m not looking for a guy.”

You sigh, glancing at the sliding door with mild curiosity. Mattia is inspecting the garage, so it can’t be him. It’s Laurent, but he’s so lost in thought, he doesn’t notice you.

“If I showed up in the paddock again, traitor’s mother would do everything in her power to warn every guy around about me,” Jess continues. “Mechanics included.”

“You’re probably right. I’ve done nothing wrong and yet she still seems to dislike me,” you say. “Speaking of mums. My mother suddenly felt an urge to call me yesterday evening. I was having a dinner with Silvia and I couldn’t pick up. I tried to call her back today, three times already, but now she’s ignoring me.”

“Does she know about your big boy?”

“Yes, but… only that he became a man a long time ago and that he works for Ferrari. Our last conversation wasn’t exactly friendly.”

“Maybe she’s just busy, same as you were last evening. Or she just found out who your new boyfriend really is, and she wants to tell you how proud she is?”

“Or she wants to ask for money.”

You hear Jess’ long sigh. “Are you on your period?”

“Very funny…” you grunt. “It should start on Thursday.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

* * *

As annoying as Jess’ observations are, she might be right. You’re simply overreacting.

You go for a stroll, pausing in a deserted part of the paddock. You choose your mother’s number again. You wait, listening to the long beeps. She’s not picking up.

Four times should be enough. Now it’s her turn to call you back if she still wants to talk.

As you’re checking the news about the testing, you realize that you can watch the F1TV on your phone. You don’t need a laptop; you just need a pair of headphones and you’re ready to go.

It’s nice to be able to listen to the commentary while looking at the track. The cars look smaller and longer in real life than on TV. The weather is sunny, and you feel like you could even get a face tan if you stayed in the right spot for a half an hour or longer.

When the track falls silent, you glance at the small video window on your phone.

And you see yourself standing by a barrier near the track, looking at your phone.

Oh… of course, there are cameras around. Your heart is pounding as you wait, expecting to see a small name tag on the screen.

You would be surprised to see your name written there; not after the request Silvia had sent to the media. But… what if they tag you as Mattia Binotto’s girlfriend? Or partner (not because you’re too old to be called a girlfriend, but because Mattia shouldn’t be with a girl. He should be with a woman. Mattia Binotto’s woman? Nah, that would look ridiculous.)

The camera moves to a different sight. The commentators don’t seem to have recognized you.

Jess was right. You’re overreacting.

* * *

You have dinner in the team’s hospitality area. It’s practically a breakfast for the mechanics who will work the night shift.

You couldn’t pick a chair facing Mattia’s chair, but you can hear him talk to Laurent and the rest of his crew.

The girls at your table, Silvia, Valentina, Britta, and Mia, are chatting, but you stopped listening to them a while ago.

You are focused on Mattia’s words. Not on their meaning, but on the subtle intonations in his voice, the pauses, the sighs. He sounds tired and downbeat. Unable to find the right words in English, he switches to Italian. The quiet words that must be directed to Laurent who is sitting next to him, are in French.

Laurent starts speaking, and Mattia gets quiet. You hope he’ll finally eat something. You hear chairs being pushed away. A group of mechanics is leaving.

The ladies at your table stop talking, turning their heads to someone approaching behind your back.

You feel tingling in your body. Is it Mattia? It must be him.

As you turn, he puts his hands on your shoulders, as if he wanted to tell you to stay seated. “I need to take care of some urgent matters, and I’d like you to return to the hotel without me.”

“Of course,” you reply, obediently.

“I’ll be back, but I’m not sure when.” His long thumbs gently brush your neckline.

You don’t know how to reply to that; everyone seems to be staring at you. You can’t say that you will impatiently await his return naked in bed… Not just because it’s too personal, but also… should you?

He said he doesn’t want a sex slave and he doesn’t consider you a sex toy. And in return, you don’t want him to feel like sex is the thing that you expect from him every night.

* * *

Taking a shower alone, you try to push negative emotions away. He’s going to return to you, just as he said. Lady Ferrari can’t keep him in her claws forever…

If only he felt satisfied and hopeful. If only his hard work was already bearing fruit. But no, he’s not happy. Things are not going according to his plan. Can he work around it? Can he fix it? What if he can’t?

You spend an hour browsing the Internet, looking for lounge ideas for the basement. The thought of future parties and celebrations that you could throw there, cheers you up, even though you are not a party person, but you want to be. You want Mattia to be surrounded by people who love him, his family, and his friends.

Will he ever have enough time to press pause and enjoy life? Or does it only happen during the short periods of vacation that he is forced to take because of the regulatory shut downs? (And he still works in his home office anyway).

It’s almost 11 pm. You grab your phone; turned out your mother didn’t really need to talk to you.

“Wake me up when you come back,” you text Mattia.

He doesn’t reply. Maybe he’s already on his way back to the hotel?

It won’t hurt to check some photo galleries…

No one from the media was bothering you today; Silvia took care of the matter. But what about the gossip sites and magazines that she can’t control?

You know that you shouldn’t do it, but you can’t stop yourself. You google “Mattia Binotto girlfriend” and you gasp seeing a photo of you with Mattia in the paddock and of you alone by the track.

_I’m so small_, you think. _I look like his daughter…_

You’re not holding hands. Today Mattia seemed more careful with touching outside the hospitality building. No little kisses, no hugs. You have no problem with that. There’s no doubt in your mind that he loves you. You don’t need public displays of affection, especially when he is at work.

“I’m leaving the paddock right now.” A reply message comes from Mattia.

Your belly tingles in response.

There’s not much personal info in the article under your pictures. Scuderia Ferrari team principal Mattia Binotto (50) spotted in the paddock with his new girlfriend Cindy Matthews (26).

You wonder how they managed to guess your age. It’s almost accurate.

The article mentions that Mattia is divorced and that he has two children who live with their mother.

Sighing, you turn the laptop off.

It should take him 15 minutes to get to the hotel from the paddock. Lying in bed, you check your phone, it’s been 20 minutes already… Something or someone must have stopped him.

You put your head on the pillow and you close your eyes.

* * *

You wake up, blinded by the light that Mattia turned on.

“You wanted me to wake you up.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost midnight.” He puts his old bag on a chair and starts taking his jacket off.

“I prepared you some fresh clothes for tomorrow,” you say.

“That’s very kind of you.” He hangs the jacket on the back of the chair and starts unbuttoning his white shirt.

“Do you need me to help you with something?”

“I just want to lie down next to you. That’s all. I’ll shower in the morning.”

He hands you his phone and his glasses. You put them on the nightstand on his side of the bed while he pulls his trousers down and sits down to take them off. The boxer shorts stay on. You’re not naked either.

He disappears in the bathroom. He returns a couple minutes later.

You wait with a hand on the switch to turn the bedside lamp off once Mattia is by the bed.

“Did you talk to your mother?” he asks, sliding under the duvet.

“She wasn’t picking up.”

He sighs, shifting closer to you.

You can’t see him, but you feel him with your body… His arm is up, inviting you to cuddle up to his chest.

You get a little emotional when you breathe in his scent, mixed with the minty scent of toothpaste.

“How was your day?” he asks, placing a hand on your naked shoulder.

“It was okay,” you say, closing your eyes. His touch always makes you shiver.

“Silvia told me that you were keeping close with Sebastian’s team.”

“I am still his fan, but… That’s not the reason. I just like Britta and Antti. They treat me like a normal person.”

“And who doesn’t?”

You hesitate. “I guess, I’m still trying to avoid Charles’ family.”

Mattia sighs.

“I don’t care what they think about me,” you add. “I just don’t feel comfortable around Pascale and Nicolas.”

“I don’t blame you,” he says, his fingers sliding up your arm. As he starts to caress your neck you wonder if he’ll grasp your chin to pull you into a kiss. “Just… remember that Britta and Antti work for Seb and Sebastian works for me.”

You frown. “I know that.”

“Good.”

“Are you worried that my relationship with Seb’s team will influence your objectivity?”

“It won’t. And that’s exactly the problem.”

You think in silence for a moment. “Okay, I think I know what you’re trying to say. Team principal Mattia Binotto doesn’t care about my feelings.”

“Something like that… I mean… he does care. I do… A lot. But…”

“I understand.”

“Good.”

You’re done waiting for him to kiss you. You shift on the bed yourself, seeking Mattia’s lips in the darkness. You find his chin first; it’s been almost 20 hours since he shaved and it’s a bit scratchy.

“I love you…” you whisper before your lips finally lock.

His hands don’t move; the kiss is delicate and controlled. The moment you lean away, he sighs heavily.

“Are you okay?” you ask, touching the curls on his forehead. Your eyes had time to adjust and you can see the contrast between Mattia’s light face and his hair.

“It’s not looking great,” he confesses.

“The testing?”

“Yes… and other things…”

“Like what?” You wait in silence, caressing the hair. “You can’t say. I get it,” you add, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “I’m sorry that you have to deal with it.”

“That’s my job.”

“If you need anything…”

“You’re already giving me everything I need.”

You slowly kiss him again. “Do you wake up at seven as usual?”

“Laurent will call when the simulator work is ready.”

“Not seven then.”

“It could be five.”

It’s your turn to sigh. “Let’s sleep then, my lovely king. You need to have energy to rule one more day and then you’ll have some time to rest.”

“About that… I have to go to Paris again.”

“I’m starting to suspect that you have a lover there.”

“Laurent is my French lover, but only in Paris.”

You both laugh.

“I wish…” Mattia adds, his voice serious. “I mean… I would never do that to you, I just wish it was something else than it actually is.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, it won’t be fun. I’d like to come back home and see you happy and relaxed, and doing something you enjoy.”

“I will make plans for our future basement lounge. I need to make sure your wine collection is stored separately to keep the right temperature and humidity.”

You feel his arm closing tight around you.

“Can Jess spend some time with me in your house when you’ll be in Paris?”

“Of course. It’s our house.”

“It’s not mine, because you own it and we’re not married. But I feel some… ownership when I think about the bathroom. Since we renovated it together. I think the lounge will feel the same way.”

“You can renovate and redecorate everything. Well… maybe not my office.”

“You want your man cave to stay untouched.”

“I will do the renovating there. And other stuff.”

“I liked the stuff we were doing there.”

He takes a breath as if to say something before slowly exhaling. “We should sleep.”

“You’re right. Good night, my dear caveman.”

He snorts, pulling you closer to his chest.

* * *

_A couple days later_

“He was in a really strange mood before he left for Paris,” you say to Jess. “You can hang your coat here.”

“Thanks.” Your friend looks around with curiosity. “Nice house you have here.”

“It’s my castle.”

“You were saying… Mattia was in a strange mood?” Jess leans down to take her shoes off.

“He seemed stressed. More than usual.”

“But it’s a work related trip?”

“Yes. He left with Laurent.”

“The FIA headquarters are in Paris. Maybe they have a Concorde agreement meeting or whatever the bosses do out there…”

“He would’ve told me. When I asked, he changed the topic. I didn’t press because it felt wrong.”

There’s also one other thing that you can’t tell Jess – the last time you had sex was the night after the first day of testing. Mattia was busy, that’s true, but you hoped that he would want to spend some quality time with you before leaving for Paris. The fact that you’re on your period had not stopped him before. He’d find a way to satisfy you.

“Where is his office? We shall snoop around, discover his secrets,” Jess says, with a mischievous smile.

You feel an unpleasant twist in your stomach. “No… Let’s go to the living room.”

“But you will show me your bedroom at least?”

You hesitate.

“I know that you have sex with him!” Jess lifts her hands. “Don’t worry, I’m not a wizard. My eyes can’t see the past, the present and the future. I just want to see the bedroom. Unless you forgot to hide all your kinky sex toys…”

You can’t help but smile. “Okay… I’ll show you the bedroom, but only because you are my friend.”

There’s nothing unusual in the bedroom anyway.

“A mirror!”

Ah, the mirror. You forgot it’s not normal to have a mirror on the ceiling over the bed.

“Do you mind if I lie down?” Jess asks.

“Just stay on this side of the bed.”

“That’s your side.”

“Yes.”

“I see you’re very protective of your man’s territory,” Jess says, lying down and throwing a glance at the ceiling.

“Is that wrong?”

“I don’t think so.” Jess keeps staring into the mirror with an enigmatic expression on her face.

“Please don’t try to imagine me and Mattia having sex…”

“What?” Jess chuckles. “No… I mean I sometimes do, but not right now. I was just wondering if I would enjoy masturbating in this setting.”

You burst out laughing. “In my bed?”

“No, not here! With a mirror over my head.”

“You never tried to masturbate in front of a mirror?”

“No… did you?”

“Yes…”

“And?”

“It felt pathetic.” It didn’t feel pathetic when you were mirrored in Mattia’s eyes, but that’s a private thought.

Jess snorts, shifting to a sitting position. “Sounds like you…”

“Let’s go to the living room. You will be sleeping on the couch. It’s very comfortable,” you say.

“Why does it sound like you’re making fun of me?”

“Because I never slept on it; I did other things and it was comfortable,” you admit, realizing once again that you really should shut up about certain things.

“I hope it wasn’t recently…”

You bite your tongue. “Let’s go,” you grab your friend by the hand. “Oh, let me show you our luxurious bathroom first!”

Jess makes a nod of approval as she glances through the door to the bathroom. “Nice… Very nice. A big bathtub for your big boy.”

“If only he had more time to use it,” you say, cringing at the neediness in your voice.

“If things are really as bad as they looked after that first testing session, he’s going to get fired soon and he’ll have a lot of free time!”

“It’s not funny.”

“I’m serious.”

“He only just started… I don’t even want to think about it…”

“But you do want him to have a less stressful life, right?”

You leave the bathroom, leading your guest to the living room. “Let’s change the subject. Here’s the couch. You can unpack there.”

“I’ll unpack later. You said you wanted to go shopping.”

“I said I wanted to do some shopping online.”

“Ah, okay, but can we have a snack first?”

“Of course.”

* * *

You turn your laptop on, while Jess finishes her sandwich. “I was thinking… We need some plants in the house. It doesn’t feel like home without plants.”

“You said you wanted to turn the basement into a lounge. Is that still a plan?”

“Yes, that too.”

“Does Matt let you do whatever you want with his money?”

_Not just his money_, you think, but luckily your privacy filter is turned on. “He knows me. Maybe not as well as you do, but still.”

“Better in some ways…” Jess smirks.

“What?”

“I mean he knows you better because you know, physical intimacy.”

“Ah…” You are only partially listening because you are focused on researching plants.

“Does he pant a lot?”

Looks like a lot depends on how much light there is in the room… Jess’ words reach your brain with a delay. “What?!”

“When you’re having sex, does he tire easily?”

“Don’t test me, Jess.”

“I’m just curious!”

“He does not tire easily,” you say emphasizing each word separately. “His age is not a problem. It’s the opposite. I think it makes him better.”

“Uuuuh… Better. I am even more curious now. Better at what?”

“At being patient.”

“Why would he need patience?”

You look up from the laptop, a satisfied smile growing on your face. “See… you don’t know, which means that you never slept with a patient man.”

Jess squints at you. “Are you trying to imply that my lovers were not as good as yours?”

“How would I know?”

“You don’t.” She goes to wash her hands before sitting next to you. “All right, let’s find you some plants.”

“You don’t have any more questions about my sex life?”

Jess’ expression softens. “I see that you are happy and that’s all I wanted to know.”

You nod, but as your mind goes to Mattia, your brows furrow and you can’t stop the concerns and worries from creeping out.

“You are happy, aren’t you?”

You need a moment to find the right answer. You want to be honest with yourself.

“I am happy, but that doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. There are things I don’t like about Mattia’s job. There are things that I don’t like about myself. But… I don’t want the difficult things to overshadow the good things.”

Jess nods, clearly satisfied with your answer. You are even more satisfied.

You realize that it’s better to accept the burdens and obstacles; you could spend the rest of your life focusing on how to eliminate inconveniences and stress, but with one problem solved, another problem would arise.

There is no perfect condition for living. If you want to go on a big adventure, you need to accept that your legs will get tired. Good things in life don’t come for free. You must earn them. Only then you will be genuinely happy because you will be able to pat yourself on the back and say – I did this, this is my achievement. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve made it work.

* * *

“I wouldn’t buy plants online,” Jess says, a half an hour later. “You’ll never know what you’ll get, and they could get damaged in transport.”

“Not to mention that by the time they get here, you won’t be here, and I will probably be with Mattia in Barcelona again.”

“So… we are going shopping after all.”

“I guess we are.”

“Do you have the keys to the Ferrari?”

You give your friend a death stare. “First, we’re not going to use Mattia’s car without his permission. Second, a Ferrari is not a car for plant transport.”

“I was just joking.”

“My car is too small,” you realize. “We have no choice than to use yours.”

“I thought you would have a private driver or something,” Jess says. “Just kidding!” she adds seeing the look on your face.

“I’m sure there’s a gardening centre not far away from here. I also need to do some grocery shopping.”

Jess squints at you. “Wait a minute… Am I your private driver now?”

“No, because I’m not paying you.”

* * *

“You want to buy this?” Jess’ eyes keep darting from the large philodendron to her car and back to the plant before she finally looks at you. “It’s a big boy.”

“It will fit.”

“I guess you are the expert…” she touches the name tag.

You know what’s written there; you already checked. Philodendron monstera diliciosa.

“Delicious monster,” Jess chuckles.

“I’d put this one in the living room.” You step away to check other plants.

“You want more big boys?”

“You were just worried if one would fit in the car.”

“I am trying to be helpful.”

“I know… I’m sorry. Let’s check some hanging plants. The ferns look nice. Maybe a fern to hang in the bathroom?”

Jess shrugs her shoulders. “Sure, why not. But how are we going to hang it? Do you have a drill?”

“Mattia has one…”

Jess purses her lips tight.

You just roll your eyes, quickly turning away from her because your pupils grow at the thought of Mattia operating a drill… with his sleeves rolled up…

“That’s okay. He’d be happy to do it when he returns.”

“So, a delicious monster for the living room, a fern for the bathroom. What else?”

“I want another hanging plant in the kitchen as well. Oh, this one looks nice!”

Jess checks the name tag. “Philodendron again.” She turns to a different section, her eyes growing wide. “How about a long, thick cactus?”

You sigh heavily, but you follow her.

“Look at this one,” she chuckles. “You know what would be funny? If you put this thing in Mattia’s office, right in front of his desk.”

“I’m not sure he would like it. He was quite reserved about me reorganizing his space,” you recall. “But I still want to buy him a pretty little plant with blue flowers.”

“Like this one?”

“Yes! It’s perfect.”

“Streptocarpus,” Jess reads the tag. “It’s a nice shade. The violets are nice too.”

“Yes, maybe I could take one or two and put them in the kitchen?”

“Yeah, they don’t take much space. What about your bedroom?” Jess looks around the gardening centre. “What’s the most erotic plant?”

“Not a cactus, for sure…” you mutter. “We often just sleep in our bedroom, Jess. More often than we do other things.”

“Standing or hanging?”

You frown. Hanging? How are you supposed to… Oh, she’s asking about plants!

“I don’t know yet.”

As you’re looking for something that would catch your eye, you stumble upon a plant named string of hearts.

“More strings than hearts…” Jess snorts.

“I love it. Look, the leaves are heart shaped and they are even slightly pink on one side.”

“Pink hearts. Not cheesy at all.”

“It’s a plant!”

“It has to wait for Mattia’s drill.”

“It will wait.”

* * *

“I told you it would fit,” you say, making sure the large philodendron stands steadily on the floor behind the driver’s seat. “There’s still enough space to put the fig plant next to it.”

“The one you want to put in the hall?”

“Yes. This one here. It’s still quite small for a fig plant, but hopefully it will keep growing.”

When all the plants are secured on the back seat, you get into the car as well.

“You want to go grocery shopping now?”

“Yes. I have ravioli moulds at home that I haven’t tried yet. I’d like you to help me make some ravioli. Mattia is a huge fan.”

Jess exhales loudly. “I will drive you to the grocery store, but under one condition.”

“Okay?”

“We’ll watch a horror movie before we go to bed.”

“Whyyyy?” you moan, resting your head against the headrest.

“Because I like horror movies. And you owe me for being your driver today.”

You must do some shopping if you want the ravioli to be ready before Mattia returns. Watching a horror movie with Jess just to be able to make Mattia’s belly happy and round, is not a big sacrifice.

* * *

“I hate it…” you groan when another person gets killed in a disgusting manner.

Jess chuckles. “After two glasses of wine it turns into comedy.”

“I don’t like the idea of getting drunk.”

“At least you’re not alcophobic anymore.”

“You know my reasons.”

“I do.”

On the screen the mutilated corpse is being devoured by an unidentified monster. You look away, sickened by the noises.

“Is that your phone?”

“What?”

“I think your phone is ringing.”

You reach for the remote to mute the sound.

“Oh God, it is!” You drop the remote, darting to the door. “I left it in the kitchen!” You run downstairs, wondering if it’s Mattia. Or maybe your mother?

The phone goes silent before you manage to get to it. You grab it and check the screen. It’s Mattia! The tingling of excitement stops when you notice that it’s the third time he tried to call you.

You immediately call him back.

“Finally,” he says after picking up.

“I’m so, so, so sorry, love. I was watching a horror movie with Jess and there was so much screaming.”

“I was getting worried.”

“I’m really sorry… I feel awful…”

“No… stop. It’s okay. Are you free to talk?”

“I’m always free for you,” you glance at the doorway. Maybe Jess is still in the living room, or maybe she’s already in the corridor, trying to eavesdrop.

“I just got back to the hotel,” Mattia continues. “I was at dinner with Laurent. We had clams.”

You quietly walk toward the door before quickly jumping out the kitchen, hoping to catch your friend in the act, but nobody’s there.

“How are you feeling?” you ask, turning toward Mattia’s office. If you close the door and speak quietly, Jess won’t be able to hear anything.

Mattia sighs heavily, making you want to run to him and cuddle him and feed him ice cream. Or do other things… You look at the massive desk before walking around it to sit in Mattia’s chair.

The air smells of leather.

“I’m tired,” he says.

“I’m in your office right now. Making sure Jess can’t hear me.”

“Don’t eat my candy.”

You smile, feeling slightly relieved to hear him joke. “Are you sharing a room with Laurent?”

“No, I’m alone.”

“Do you want me to… assist you through some tension-relief activities?”

“It sounds great, but… There’s too much on my mind right now. Just tell me about your day.”

“I’m preparing a surprise. Two surprises actually.”

“I wish it was already tomorrow afternoon and I could pack my bag and fly back home.”

“I hope you will be hungry when you return.”

“I usually have a good appetite when I see you.”

“I’m still on my period, by the way.”

He laughs softly. “I was thinking about food, but… okay… I like your thinking.”

“I was thinking about food too. That’s my surprise. I’m preparing something for dinner that I hope you will like. You should like it because it’s one of your favourite things. But please, don’t try to guess!”

“Are we still talking about food?”

“Yes! Mattia… stop… I’m blushing.”

“Oh… fine. I won’t try to guess. So… how is Jess?”

“She’s good. I hope she’s not looking for more wine… I opened a bottle for her. From the rejects stack, don’t worry.” There’s a shelf in the basement where Mattia keeps the wine he received as gift and that he doesn’t intend to drink.

“I’m not worried. You can drink whatever you want. The wine’s there for people to enjoy.”

“Apart from those few bottles of the most expensive stuff.”

“Ha-ha, yes. I keep them for a special occasion.”

Your heart leaps when you hear him laugh. “Jess was my driver today. We did some shopping. We’re going to focus on the lounge tomorrow. I hope I’ll have some projects ready to show you. Do you think we could get it done before we leave for Australia?”

“Better leave it for the European part of the season.”

“I still want Jess’ feedback. Maybe she’ll have some good ideas.”

“Did you talk to your mother?” The question is so sudden that you feel like punched in the stomach.

“No… not yet. It’s her turn to call me.”

“How many times have you tried?”

“I don’t know… Five, six?”

“Today?”

“No. In total.”

“Maybe you could send her a text? Let her know that you’re happy to chat. She probably thinks that you’re annoyed with her.”

“But I am annoyed!”

He says your name. You don’t like the way he says it. He sounds disappointed, unhappy with you, but he has no right! There is no reason!

“Let’s talk about something else,” you say, desperate to resolve the negative tension.

“Just promise me that you will call her tomorrow. Before I return.”

“Mattia…”

“Do it for me, please.”

“It’s not fair.”

“Why?”

“You’re making me do something that I don’t want to do. And you’re using my feelings…”

He sighs again, and you feel like a total failure. You were supposed to make him feel better, but now both of you are feeling like crap.

“I only want the best for you. Always,” he says.

“I know.” You feel like crying, and if he was in this room, he would probably try to hug you. You would act like you didn’t want it, but you’d give up quickly.

“I love you…” He’s doing it anyway; embracing you and melting you with his words. “I want you to be happy.”

“I know…”

“Okay, forget about it. You’ll do whatever you want.”

“I will…”

“Are you angry with me?”

You hesitate for two seconds which is already an answer. You’re ready to deny it before you scold yourself in your mind. Be honest. He knows anyway. “I am… a little.”

“I love you,” he whispers. “I’m sorry for ruining our conversation.”

“We’ll talk when you come back. Sleep well and stay safe.”

“You too.”

You end the call quickly. There’s pain in your chest and when you look at your hands, you see that they are shaking.

You feel an urge to run back upstairs and rant to Jess about how unfairly you were treated. Because Mattia doesn’t know. He grew up in a normal family. He has no idea what your mother is like. You have no obligations toward her; you have your own life!

Calm down… breathe…

No, you can’t talk to Jess about it. You don’t want her to know what’s happened. What if she suddenly starts to believe that Mattia is not the right man for you? Or even worse – what if she takes his side?

You take a few deep breaths before going to the kitchen. You pour yourself a glass of water. You drink it. And only when you feel in control of yourself, you return upstairs to your friend.

* * *

Jess had enough wine to get sleepy. You don’t have to pretend that you’re having fun. You say goodnight to her, and you leave her in the living room.

You lie down in the large bed. You stare at the empty space where Mattia’s spectacular head of hair should be on the pillow.

Is he thinking about you too? You hope not. He had enough worries at work.

But then, he has only himself to blame. He should’ve backed down the moment you asked him to change the topic!

You really don’t feel like calling your mum after her weird silent treatment, but you know that he’s going to ask about it when he returns. Your other option is to lie to him… Maybe he’d stop pestering you about it once and for all.

Your anger dies down when you start thinking about Mattia’s trip to Paris and the poor testing results. Turns out it’s easier to fall asleep when you’re just worried.

* * *

“You’re quiet today. Did I say something stupid last night?” Jess glances at you, dusting the mould tray for ravioli with a bit of flour.

“You don’t remember?” You check the dough you were just flattening with a rolling pin; it looks thin enough.

“I did?”

“I’m joking. Don’t tell me you blacked out; you didn’t look that drunk to me.”

“I was just drowsy.” Jess pulls the bowl with the spinach and ricotta filling closer, watching you as you stretch the dough on the mould tray. “But I say stupid things when I’m sober as well.”

“No, you were awesome,” you assure her. “I’m just worried about Mattia. He sounded exhausted when I spoke to him over the phone.”

“Does he have many duties today?”

“Just a few meetings, I believe.”

After you press the dough in the holes of the mould, Jess fills the holes with the filling.

“Will you drive to the airport to get him?”

“He’s with Laurent. I believe they have a driver.”

You cover the dough with a second thin layer.

Jess patiently waits with the rolling pin in her hand. “We’re finally near the end.”

“Yeah…” you giggle. “There’s enough ravioli to feed an army. Take as much as you want. I will probably put a part into the freezer.”

“What if Mattia doesn’t like them?”

“I will have more to myself.” You put another piece of ravioli on the tray. “Just kidding. He will love them. I just need to prepare a tomato sauce before he comes back.”

“I’ll help you clean this mess up and I’m heading home. I’d hate to disturb the intimate privacy of your reunion,” Jess says, wiggling her eyebrows.

You want to comment, but your mind pulls you into a world of mixed emotions that completely steal your focus.

The clock is ticking, and you still haven’t called your mum. Mattia will be disappointed with you. How are you supposed to get intimate if he’s disappointed? It won’t feel right. Maybe he should punish you… You feel chills on your skin, but it’s not the pleasant kind. No, it’s not the right moment for bedroom role playing.

“Hey!” Jess hits your hand with a spoon. “Stop worrying about him.”

“Yeah, you’re right. We should finish these ravioli and start cleaning up.”

* * *

Jess is like a chirping bird. She knows how to cheer you up. You even burst out laughing a couple of times before she throws her bags on the backseat of her car.

“Have fun with the sauce and the boss,” she leans to kiss you on the cheek.

“I will. And thank you for spending time with me. We should do this more often.”

“We should. Take care. Say hi to Mattia from me.”

“I will.”

After she gets into her car and pulls away, you watch the gate open and close behind her.

You let out a deep sigh, your mind going back to the many things that bother you.

There are three hours left to Mattia’s return. You go to the living room to make sure it’s tidy and clean. You do a bit of cleaning in the bathroom. You change the sheets and bedding, hoping that Mattia will appreciate the fresh scent.

You make sure there’s no mess in his closets and his drawers. You’re keeping yourself busy just to avoid thinking.

You check your new plants. Maybe Mattia will get distracted and won’t mention your mother today? Yeah, but he’ll remember eventually.

He wanted you to call your mother before he returns. And now you have only an hour to do something about it…

You sigh again, sitting down by the kitchen table with a phone in your hand.

Jesus Christ, why are you making it so complicated? Just call her. She probably won’t pick up anyway.

You’re about to choose your mother’s number when you receive a message from Mattia.

“I’ll be home in twenty minutes. And I’m hungry.”

Fuck. The sauce! You dart to grab a pan and a bottle of olive oil. You hastily chop tomatoes and garlic, slowing down after the edge of the knife slips and grazes the tip of your finger.

When Mattia says “twenty minutes”, what he really means is that he hopes to be home in twenty minutes, but that’s rarely the case. That’s your only hope now.

When the tomatoes and the garlic are already cooking in the pan, you add a bit of white wine and thyme. It’ll take at least ten minutes before the tomatoes are soft.

When you’re looking for a blender, your phone starts to ring. Hopefully, it’s Mattia wanting to tell you that he’s going to be late.

You grab the phone.

It’s your mother.

Great.

“Yes?” You take the call, keeping an eye on the pan. The liquid from the tomatoes is slowly evaporating.

“Hi, I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“Ehm… well… I’m making dinner.”

“I can call again later.”

“No, it’s fine. I will turn the speakerphone on. Ignore the kitchen noises.”

“All right…” You can judge by the tone of your mother’s voice that she is not comfortable speaking to you.

“So… I was trying to call you back many times last week,” you say after a moment of silence.

“I had problems with my phone.”

Sure. “Sorry that I couldn’t pick up when you called the first time. I was at a restaurant.”

Your mother clears her throat. “I figured you were busy.”

Another moment of silence makes you slightly annoyed. “So, was there a particular reason why you wanted to talk to me?”

“Have you been to Barcelona this week?”

“How did you know?”

“When you said that your boyfriend is working for Ferrari, I assumed… he’s a mechanic.”

You mix the sauce before covering the pan with a lid, half-aware of what you’re doing. “I didn’t say that he was a mechanic.”

“I assumed.”

“Well, you assumed wrong.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that he’s a team principal of the Formula 1 team?”

“Why is that relevant?”

“Well… I am not sure if I should feel proud or worried.”

The frown on your face is deepening. “You don’t have to feel anything. I can take care of myself.”

“So I’ve seen… You really are your own person. I’d lie if I said that it didn’t hurt…” your mum’s voice breaks.

“What are you talking about?”

“You must be really ashamed of me and your father that you decided to change your name.”

You gasp, the heat of pure anger makes your skin prickle. “That’s not why I did it. I wanted to protect my identity.”

As shocking as her words sound, your brain quickly analyses her point of view. It was Mattia who first suggested that you should use a different name. But what if his real concern was that someone will start to dig around for information about your family and your relatives? The fact that you had an abusive father would make a great headline. Or that you’re not in touch with your poor mother…

“Is he around?” your mother asks.

He!

“You’re going to change the subject just like that?”

“You said it had nothing to do with me and your father, and I believed you. I was wrong, I’m sorry. I just… I had a different idea of who your boyfriend could be when you first told me about him. I didn’t even imagine that he is… rich and famous.”

“What difference does it make?”

“Are you sure he’s not going to leave you with a broken heart? Men of his status change women like gloves.”

“Sorry, mum, but… you married my father. You are not the best judge of character…”

“I was young and naïve. It’s really difficult to make the right choice when you are desperate for love.”

“I was not desperate. It was… accidental.”

“I was talking about me and your father. Just, please, be careful and make sure he respects you.”

“I can take care of myself, mum. Life with you and father taught me that.”

“Is this really necessary? I am your mother. I have the right to be concerned. I don’t want you to end up alone with a child… or worse, if he’d try to force you to get an abortion.”

Rage burning through you, you grab your phone and you end the call, your hands shaking ten times more than after your last conversation with Mattia.

Your frustration turns to him… He forced you to call her. It was his idea!

Something’s burning… You drop the phone, darting to the pan to turn the heat off. You pick up the lid to mix the sauce, feeling the scorched tomatoes that got stuck to the bottom. Maybe if you don’t disturb them, the sauce on top will still be usable?

You taste it, forgetting that it’s hot…

Grimacing with pain, you rush to the faucet to rinse your mouth with cold water.

Your phone starts ringing again. “Fuck you! Leave me alone!” you cry out with fury.

“What is going on here?”

You turn abruptly just to see Mattia standing in the doorway with a bouquet of roses in his hand.

“You’re home… I didn’t hear…”

“Will you take that?” he grabs your phone, glancing at the screen. Once he notices that it’s your mother, he looks back at you, his face troubled.

“Don’t say a word,” you spit; your lips are still burning. “You have no idea…”

Mattia stares at you, his mouth open, but he listens to your warning.

“If it rings one more time, I’m going to lose my mind!”

Mattia touches the screen, rejecting the call. When he puts the phone on the table, he glances at you. Still quiet, but he’s clenching his teeth…

Is he pissed?

You told him to stay quiet, but now his silence is getting on your nerves.

He leaves the bouquet next to your phone. You don’t deserve flowers, is that it?

Something breaks inside you. Your eyes filling with tears, you storm out the kitchen, you run up the stairs and you fling yourself onto the bed, burying your face in the pillow. You’re weeping, totally out of control.

* * *

He clears his throat when entering the bedroom, just to let you know that he entered.

Your face covered by the pillow; you feel your side of the bed dip under his weight.

You grimace, feeling his hand on your back. It’s heavy. It’s warm.

“Talk to me,” he says.

You realize that your anger is gone; your body feels cold, but your cheeks, your forehead and your lips are burning.

You turn your head. You’re ashamed to look him in the eye.

“I tried talking to her. Just as you wanted. But I had to hang up because…” as you sit up, a huge tear rolls down your cheek. “She said horrible things about you.”

You put your feet on the carpet, next to Mattia’s huge feet; he’s wearing black socks which usually means that he was in a sombre mood in the morning. He’s shifting closer, but so shyly as if he wasn’t sure if he should touch you.

You can feel his stare on your face. Out of the corner of your eye, you see his arm going up and you feel it wrapping around you.

His warmth starts penetrating your body, inviting you to just close your eyes and be healed.

“At least you know what she wanted,” he says.

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew what she said.”

“Tell me then.”

You got so angry when you ended the call, that your mind blanked out and you need a moment to recall your mother’s words.

“She said that men of your status change women like gloves. She said that I will end up alone with a child. Or that you will force me to get an abortion,” you feel sickness in your stomach as you say it, but when you hear Mattia’s sigh, you realize that telling him about what happened is making you feel better.

“She thinks that she can judge you because she’s my mother. But… I’m not her. I’m not as naïve and desperate as she was,” you continue, shivering as Mattia’s hand starts moving up and down your shoulder. “She doesn’t even know you!”

Mattia’s hand stops. There’s a tense moment of silence that feels eerie. “You think you do?” he asks, shifting away.

You turn to look at him, surprised by his odd behaviour. “Of course, I know you.”

He looks down; his long fingers are shaking, and you hate to see it.

“Mattia?” The walls are closing in on you again. Just when you thought you would catch a breath. “What’s going on?”

You can finally study his face and you can see the deep lines on his forehead and the wrinkles around his eyes.

“The investigation to our engine is closed and we reached a confidential agreement with the FIA,” he says.

“A confidential agreement…” you repeat quietly. “It will look bad.”

Mattia nods. “Very bad.”

“But there was nothing illegal…” you trail off, seeing a grimace on his face.

You imagine your mother’s face when she hears about this…

You understand how competitive the world of Formula 1 is. The teams are exploiting grey areas all the time, but this… feels like something else. Did they cross the line?

“Please, don’t ask,” you barely recognize the sound of his voice. “I don’t want to lie to you.”

“Tell me the truth then.” You look him in the eye. The sight of tears in his eyes, brimming but not spilling over yet, breaks your heart.

He turns to you, reaching to your cheek.

You lean away as if his touch was unpleasant to you. Unwelcome.

He takes his hand away, shaking his head, as if he was arguing with his own thoughts. “There are things that… I am not proud of…”

You thought you fell in love with a perfect man… He’s not perfect.

He’s a cheater… You hear the words in your head, and they sound like your mother speaking to you on the phone.

I warned you. Rich men are not to be trusted. You misjudged him. You thought he was a good person. Look who’s naïve now…

He’s sitting next to you, silent, staring at his hands. You know that he’s waiting for you to say something. He told you all you needed to know; the rest… you’ll figure it out yourself.

He brought you roses… and left them downstairs. A bunch of flowers to bribe you…

The whole world around you is shifting in a chaotic way. You’re spiralling down, untethered.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you when we first met. I should’ve warned you…” You can hear the sheer desperation in his voice. “I know how selfish and wrong it is, but… please…” he turns to you, his gaze so intense that you feel physically forced to meet his eyes. “Please, don’t leave me.”

“Leave?” You gape at him, shocked. The mere idea of him not being a part of your life terrifies you. “I can’t leave you.”

You’re dependent… Emotionally invested… Attached… Desperate…

“Yes, you can.” As he’s studying your face, there’s so much love in his eyes. “But… don’t…”

Who’s really desperate here?

“I won’t leave you, Mattia…” You feel tears trickle down your face as you grasp his hand. “I love you.”

Those three words never felt more meaningful.

His glasses fog up; he’s in tears too as you lunge into his arms. He embraces you tightly, pressing you forcefully to his chest.

You can smell his sweat… the scent of the fear of losing you…

Did you just get corrupted? Did you commit your mother’s sin, sacrificing your integrity for love?

He leans away and cups your jaw with his huge hands. You hope he’d smile, but he looks terrified.

“I’m not going to judge you, it’s not my job,” you say, watching his frown disappear at your words. “My job is… this…” You lean forward to press your lips to his.

He makes you wait a couple of seconds, but it’s worth it. He just wants to take his glasses off.

The gesture brings a smile to your face.

The kiss is not about lust; it’s about love. It’s about gratitude and reassurance.

His lips move to your cheek, and as you close your eyes, he gently kisses your eyelid. And your eyebrow. And your forehead.

When he stops kissing you, and you only feel his hands on your jaw, you open your eyes.

He’s staring at you…

His eyes are bloodshot and tired, but he already looks better than he did a couple minutes ago.

“I’m not naïve, Mattia,” you say shifting closer to slip into his arms again. “And I’m not perfect either…”

He cuddles you, swaying you like a child.

It would be a lie to say that you are happy and calm; the storm of trouble he brought upon himself is only beginning. But at least you’re not engulfed by chaos anymore. You’re on a ship with him, and you would rather drown with him than get to a shore alone.

His stomach growls loudly, reminding you about the message he sent you before coming home.

“_Pardon_,” he says, fidgeting. “I skipped lunch.”

“I need a half an hour to finish preparing the dinner. Do you want me to get you a snack? A sandwich or a cup of yogurt?”

“No, I’ll wait. I’ll grab a shower and start unpacking my suitcase.”

“Could you leave the shower for later?”

His tired eyes fill with primal energy that, hopefully, will give him the boost to survive these tough moments. “I could.”

You get up, ready to head to the kitchen, but he grasps you hand. “Thank you. I will never forget this.”

“I’m sure you’d do the same for me.”

He nods. “I would.”

The thought is giving you an unexpected sense of comfort and relief. You’ve been worrying for so long that you might not live up to his expectations and that you will do something that will disappoint him or even make him dislike you. But now you know he’s a human being just like you.

“I left my suitcase downstairs,” he says, getting up, his fingers still touching yours.

You walk down the stairs holding hands.

“Throw your used clothes into the bin in the bathroom.”

“Okay. I see you bought some plants.”

“Yes, I will show you all of them later.”

“Okay.” He seems unwilling to let go of your hand, but he has no choice.

When you enter the kitchen, you notice that he put the roses into a vase.

You sigh; the anxiousness returns as if the memory of the internal struggle was still hanging in the air like cobwebs. You must shake it off… Or even better: get used to it.

Life with a Ferrari team principal is not a fairy tale.

* * *

“Would you mind picking a bottle of wine?” you say when he enters the kitchen.

“What are we eating?”

“Ravioli with ricotta and spinach.”

“Ha-ha. Nice. I’ll be right back.”

You feel so proud of yourself. Using canned tomatoes, you managed to prepare a nice, aromatic sauce. You already tasted the ravioli when you wanted to check if they are cooked. Mattia should be satisfied with your first try, especially since he’s hungry.

By the time he returns to the kitchen, you’re ready to serve the dinner.

He approaches you first, resting a hand on your shoulder and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, it smells great.” He goes to grab a corkscrew and opens the bottle. He remembers to fill only a half of your glass before repeating the same with the other one.

A few minutes later, you are eating in silence. The hungrier he usually is, the less he talks during a meal.

“Jess helped me in the kitchen,” you say, reaching for your glass. The wine goes perfect with the ravioli. Poetry for your taste buds.

“It’s delicious…”

“I like it too.”

His plate is almost empty.

“Would you like a second helping?”

“Maybe a couple pieces…”

“Five?”

“Okay…”

He’s a big boy, he needs a lot of calories to nourish his long body.

“I allowed myself to put a small plant in your office,” you say.

“I’ve seen it; it looks lovely. Just make sure to leave Marisa some instructions about watering the plants before we leave for Australia.”

“I will write them down for her.”

“What’s with the fern in the bathroom? You want to hang it somewhere?”

“Yes. If you’ll find time tomorrow, I’d like you to drill some holes for me.”

His mouth is full, so he just nods.

You keep staring at him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks.

“It’s nothing… just… can’t wait to see you drilling holes.”

He nearly chokes on the food; he quickly reaches for his glass and takes a sip to wash it down.

You grin, watching him as he shakes his head. When he’s finally able to speak again, his face softens. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

You feel warmth on your face and a pleasant tingle in your stomach. “Same…” you admit, looking him in the eye.

* * *

“Have you unpacked everything?” you ask, after you finish the meal.

“No yet. You need any help here?”

“No, you do your stuff. I can handle it.”

“I’ll go and start the laundry machine,” he says. “Meet me in the bathroom when you’re free, okay?”

“All right.” He gives you a peck on the lips before leaving the kitchen.

Your body is taking the wheel now, pushing your battered brain onto the backseat.

Heat waves are washing over you, making it hard to focus on your job. You need to reorganize the dishwasher, once you realize that you put the glasses where the large pot should go. The glasses will easily fit somewhere else.

Finally, you wipe the table and you push the chairs under it.

When you leave the kitchen, rubbing a moisturizing lotion into your hands, you hear a sound of rushing water. Is he already showering?

You peek trough the open door to the bathroom.

“I thought that maybe we could take a bath,” Mattia says, noticing you. Your huge bathtub is already half-full.

“Ehm… I’m still on my period…”

“I remember. It would be your last day, right?”

“Looks like it…” Or your last day was yesterday; there was barely a trace of blood on the tampon when you were changing it an hour ago.

“It doesn’t bother me. Unless you’re uncomfortable.”

“I would be if it was yesterday.”

“How’s my hair? I feel like it’s gotten a little dull…” he says, touching his head.

“I bought a great hair mask for your type of hair. You want me to apply it?”

“I do.”

“Okay. Just let me find it first…”

Mattia pats his hips. “I need my phone. I’ll be right back.”

Judging by the body language, the phone will not be a part of your bath experience. The days when Mattia was able to just turn it off or put it on mute are over. You got used to it already.

When Mattia leaves, you quickly check the surroundings. You can clearly see the condom wrapping left on the ledge of the bathtub, right where you both like to sit and enjoy the greatest pleasures lovers can give to each other.

He wants to have sex. In the bathtub…

* * *

It’s not nervousness. You’re just aroused. The hunger in your body is growing fast, making you feel like a junkie. You want to do everything at once, and that’s a problem.

Mattia is still messaging someone when he returns. He paused by the sink, he’s going to leave his phone on a cabinet next to it, but for now, he’s still texting.

You start undressing, leaving your blouse and your skirt on a white stool.

When he finally puts the phone away, you’re already in your underwear.

His gaze changes when he looks at your body.

“Come over here,” he says, leaving his glasses next to the phone.

When you walk up to him, he leans down to kiss you. You press your body to his, focusing on his loving lips and his tongue.

He’s cupping your face again, though you’d prefer to feel his hands on your body…

You open your mouth wider; his tongue is invasive… It makes you fidget and moan…

When Mattia breaks the kiss and looks at your face, you’re sure he can see what his deep kisses have achieved. Your cheeks and lips are smarting, and your eyelids are heavy as lead.

Something’s starting to press against your belly… You look down, your hands reaching to Mattia’s belt.

Your fingers are clumsy. It doesn’t help that he decided to take his shirt off.

You pull his trousers down, exposing the dark hairy trail…

He grasps your chin, tilting your head to kiss your lips again. You can feel the belt and fabric of the trousers touch your feet as they drop on the floor.

Don’t be hasty… don’t touch him yet…

_But I want it… He wants it… I have to…_

You reach down, feeling Mattia’s hand on your wrist. “I have a souvenir from Paris,” he says.

“A tattoo on your little butt?”

“Ha-ha… no…” He lets go of your hand. “Take your underwear off and go sit by the wall.”

You look into his eyes for a couple of seconds. Yes, he remembers about your period.

While he turns to open a cabinet, you lose the bra and the panties. You already got rid of the tampon and there are no stains on the fabric, so… the coast looks clear.

You dip a foot in the water. “It’s hot.”

“Too hot?”

“No.”

As you settle on the ledge of the bathtub, feeling a cold wall behind your back, you look at Mattia…

His long pale legs, his small but nicely shaped buttocks, his lovely back…

He turns and you see other long parts of his body. One of them is not in its full potential yet.

He’s holding a bottle in his hand. “French massage oil.”

“You bought it yourself?”

“No, I sent Laurent.”

You grimace, feeling sorry for the little Frenchman.

“I’m kidding. I bought it myself; it’s a standard massage oil, but it smells nice.”

“We need a massage table, don’t you think?”

“I already ordered one… Ah, _cazzo_…” he mutters. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“How are you going to massage me when I’m sitting?”

He immerses his huge feet in the water. “Hot but nice…”

You watch him getting on his knees in front of you; his head is where your breasts are. A good level. Not perfect, but okay.

“If it’s just massage oil, it’s probably not healthy to digest,” you say.

“Ha-ha, thank you for revealing your thoughts.”

You huff, pretending to be irritated.

“I missed touching you.” He opens the bottle, pouring a bit of oil onto his palm. “Feeling how warm… and soft… and curvy your body is…”

He presses his oily palm to your collar, surprising you with this touch. He starts the massage with rubbing the oil into your right shoulder, using slow, smooth motions until he reaches your elbow.

You feel your nipples getting hard; he can see that for sure, but he’s not getting distracted. He caresses your hand and your wrist with delicate, circular swipes, every finger separately. It feels… special.

He seems determined to dedicate as much time to you as he can.

You calm down a little, since his hands are away from your biggest erogenous zones.

You had to spread your legs to make room for him, and you’re naked, so everything is out in the open; well, almost, because you’re not that aroused yet. He seems to be looking at your crotch while touching your fingers…

After he ends massaging your little finger, he pulls your hand to his lips. You feel his tongue on your skin.

“Doesn’t taste that bad.”

“But not as good as the mint mojito oil.”

“That’s true.”

Without any warning, he shifts forward, closing his mouth around your nipple.

You clench your eyelids, letting out a long sigh. “Harder…”

“You sure?”

“Yes…”

You caress his hair, grimacing when the pleasure gets intense.

How could you walk away from this? You won’t let any other man to get this close to you. Only he can do it. He’s the chosen one.

He always remembers to dedicate the same amount of time to the other nipple. The one that is shining with his saliva, hard and almost aching, gets a thumb treatment… he won’t let it soften…

When he leans away to get more oil, you take a shaky breath in.

Now you really need him between your legs… Just a tip of his finger would be enough… anything…

He gently cups your boob with his huge hand. And starts a nice, delicate massage, looking at your nipples as they rub against his long fingers…

“Can’t wait to use that massage table,” you say. “I need to practice my techniques.”

“I worry the table will be too short for me.”

“We’ll see about that.”

You tense up when his hands shift to your ribs and belly.

He glances at you with a delicate smile. He knows… he’s aware of your desires and hungers…

He pours more oil onto his palm… and presses his hand to your belly, letting the oil drip down your belly button.

“I hope it’s safe for… intimate use…”

He looks up, surprised. “Oh… I didn’t think about it, but if you feel a burning sensation, just get into the water, and we’ll rinse it off.”

“I feel something and it’s irritating… But it’s not from the oil…”

His eyebrow goes up. “Irritating you say. You want me to scratch you?”

“It might help…”

He laughs, grasping the bottle of oil again.

He wants to massage your thighs first… From the hip, to the knee. He’s using more pressure, but it’s very relaxing.

Well… not when his hand gets so close to the centre of your hunger… Seems to be getting closer and closer…

“You’re on your period, so I better stay away…”

You struggle to hide your disappointment. But that’s his choice… Maybe it does bother him after all.

When he bursts out with laughter you look at him, with consternation.

“You should’ve seen your face. I’m just messing with you. I would never want to miss…” his warm slick hand finally finds the hungry spot. “This…”

You tense up, biting your lip to stop yourself from moaning.

“I hope you’re not sore or anything.”

“Nope. Just during the first three days…” you hate talking now because your voice sounds so weird.

But then… you like his voice when he is aroused. It’s lower and throatier.

“Close your eyes,” he says. “And just breathe…”

“Do you want me to meditate?” you smile, resting your head against the wall.

“I do, actually. I want you to… feel every little shiver from when it starts to the moment when it disappears… Each pleasant tightening that you can feel in your body… Feel my fingertips, follow their movement… focus on the pressure… feel the wetness growing inside you… and the growing tension inside your belly… feel every muscle that tenses up with pleasure…”

He gets silent. At first you can only hear your deep breathing. The sound of his fingers on your slick skin is subtle, but once your ears pick it up it gives you goose bumps.

“Notice how your body opens up and softens under my touch… How it gets more and more sensitive…”

He gives you a moment to focus on his hand and not his words. You try to follow all his instructions, discovering a new layer of appreciation for his touch.

“Now pay attention to how your body reacts to a change of pressure and speed…”

A soft moan escapes you.

“Can you feel the pleasure increasing?”

“Oh, yes…”

“How big is it?”

“Huge…” You grimace, clenching your hands on the edge of the bathtub.

“I want you to get into the water now.”

You open your eyes. “What? No…”

“Have I ever disappointed you?”

“No…”

“Come over here, the water is nice.” He grasps your hand, pulling you into the bathtub.

The touch of warm water on your hot skin produces a million shivers.

“Turn around. It’s time for a back massage.”

You sit down, shifting to the middle of the bathtub and turning your back to Mattia.

“This is not a back massage…” you smile, feeling his lips at the nape of your neck.

“I just had a thought and it wasn’t pleasant.”

You frown. “What thought?”

“When you turned, and I saw your back I remembered that it’s been haunting me in my dreams since the investigation started…”

You feel a bit bad for him for having to grapple with such dreadful visions.

“I love you so much,” he whispers straight into your ear and the unpleasant feeling disappears in an instant. “I want to serve you. Pleasure you… give you everything you want. Just tell me what you want right now. Don’t be shy about it. The first thing that just came to your mind… we’ll do it. And then the next thing…”

Instead of saying anything, you turn, and you shift closer to him.

After finding his hardness with you hand, you settle in his lap, pressing your knees to his hips.

His face gets redder when you start touching him slowly. He immediately puts his gentle hands on your hips; you love being held like this.

You kiss him delicately, leaning away when his tongue brushes yours.

“I like what you did when you asked me to close my eyes,” you say softly. “Everything felt more… complex and detailed.”

“Do you want me to close my eyes now?”

“No. I just realized that… maybe that’s partially the reason why I like you being behind me. Partially, because I also like the angle of it and… it just works well. But I like to be able to close my eyes and just focus on what’s going on inside me. Nothing else. Just… pure sensations inside me…”

He licks his lips; a little wrinkle appears between his eyebrows. Maybe he can’t focus on your words because your hand is so busy. Although you are keeping it as slow and delicate as possible, but the boy is hard already… And if he is as tense as you are, after all he’s been through this week, he probably just wants a release.

“It’s very sexual. Very raw… and it always ends with an explosion.”

He blinks a couple of times. “We can go to my office if you want…”

“No, but… maybe there’s a way to do it here.”

He looks around, searching for the right spot.

“I don’t want to fuck. Not today… I just want the angle…” You leave his erection in peace, shifting away and turning around.

Staying on your knees, you bend forward, resting your elbows on the edge of the bathtub.

“You think it will work?” Even the mere positioning of your body is making you hornier.

“I’ll make it work,” he assures you. “It’s a bit slippery here, so don’t expect… anything rough…”

“I don’t want it rough today.”

“Okay.”

You close your eyes, waiting for him to put the condom on. He’ll make sure to keep it in place is case it starts slipping because of the water.

“But you still like the mirror in the bedroom, right?”

“Yes. I do… I think we look hot…”

“Maybe I should blindfold you from time to time.”

“Oh… yes… I wouldn’t mind. Perhaps when we will use that massage table.”

“Deal.”

You hear Mattia’s body moving in the water as he approaches you from behind.

“And? Can you do it?” You glance over your shoulder to check what’s going on.

“You’ll find out in a second.”

You moan, smiling with bliss… It’s just his fingers… But they are long too.

“You’ll have to bend a little more, yes, that’s good… Spread your knees…”

“Don’t worry about the pace; I will come…” you assure him.

You bite your lip… Just as you wanted… He’s slowly filling and stretching you inside. And you pay attention to every tiny tingle…

You enjoy the moment when he stops pushing in, and you focus on the crazy pulse inside your body… The pressure of his hardness slowly rubbing against multiple sensitive spots… brushing against all the right places…

You love the sound of your breathing… yours and his, intimate, soft, but deeper than a normal human breath… shakier… the sound of two people making love…

You listen to the sound of water as it plashes with Mattia’s calm, dreamy movements.

It’s a perfect experience only possible when you have a patient lover with a huge cock.

You slightly fix your position because your elbows are sliding. And your hips make a counter-movement to Mattia’s trusts… It feels otherworldly… You can’t deny yourself repeating it again…

Everything becomes two times more intense. And your breathing two times faster.

You hear a hissing sound; it’s Mattia breathing hard through his nose. He’s probably pressing his lips together… maybe doesn’t want to disturb the silence with his moans…

“So amazing…”

“Yes,” he agrees.

You’d love to keep moving slowly forever, but the growing pleasure is too intoxicating. You want more… You need more…

“Oh my God…”

He adjusts his pace, grabbing you by your hips which helps him push in deeper.

“Oh God… oh yes…”

When the orgasm hits you, you hold your breath… It’s devastating. You can’t make a sound; you just hold onto the edge of the bathtub…

You feel Mattia’s lips on your back, he’s belly pressing to your butt…

He’s still moving inside, extending the pleasure until you let out a long sigh of satisfaction. Your tired muscles slowly relax.

The man is still hard inside you. Better act quickly.

“Could you pull it out?”

“I’m very close…”

“Please, I’ll be careful.”

He doesn’t look impressed; he probably feels as frustrated with your change of plans as you felt when he told you to get in the water.

But you’re not going to disappoint him either.

“Sit up…” You point at the ledge with your head.

He takes a sharp breath in. Yes, my love. You’re going to get sucked.

He grimaces, clambering out of the water to sit by the wall, keeping his erection in his hand, the condom still on.

You shift hurriedly to position yourself between his legs, reaching to the condom. Shouldn’t be hard to take it off.

“You want to get dirty?”

“We’re in a bathtub…”

“Not entirely.”

“It doesn’t bother me.”

The condom is gone. You shouldn’t waste time talking. Time to make him moan.

Maybe you’re getting better at this, maybe you are more relaxed after your orgasm, but you manage to take him very deep into your mouth… and it feels good.

He tastes good… the air smells great… he’s huge and hard, but also delicate and extremely sensitive…

You’d tell him to close his eyes if you didn’t know how much he values visual stimulation.

And eye contact.

“Easy…” he sighs, touching your ear.

You carefully pull his cock out of your mouth, waiting a few second without touching it.

He calmed down and he’s still hard… you can start playing again.

You tease him with the tip of your tongue, drooling without control. It’s useful because he’s so long that you can’t stimulate him fully with just your mouth. You need to use your hand at the base, and the hand is more effective when the skin is slick…

“I bought this huge plant… it’s in the living room…” you say, giving him a moment to recollect himself.

“Yes?”

“Do you know what it’s called?”

“I haven’t seen it yet.”

“Philodendron monstera diliciosa. Sounds like delicious monster. Made me think of… this… delicious thing…”

He moans when you swallow him again, but you move your head up, letting his erection slip out of your mouth with a pop.

“Does it look that bad?” he asks, his voice tense.

“Why?”

“To call it a monster.”

“It not about the looks, it’s about the size.”

“Ah… oh…” he moans again. “I love you…” his fingers keep touching your hair. It’s such a genuine gesture; a gesture of gratefulness and adoration.

You keep moving your head up and down, tirelessly, waiting for him to give you a sign.

You’re tempted to ignore it… Maybe he just thinks that coming in your mouth is not in his style. Maybe he’d like it if you’d like it?

“Babe…”

You look up; he’s close.

No, you better ask him first. Now it not the time to push him out of his comfort zone.

You straighten up, working your hand fast until he gasps…

A few seconds later his come is everywhere. Well, almost because it’s not on your face.

“It’s a messy business…” you conclude, leaning down to press your lips to his thigh, and his hip and his belly and his hairy chest.

He’s still zoned out. You grab his hand and you pull him into the water to patiently wash all the stickiness off him.

“Are you ready for a professional hair treatment?”

He looks at you with a frown.

“Hello, Earth to Mattia… Never mind, I’ll take care of it. You stay where you are. I bet it’s an awesome place.”

“It is… it’s your mouth…”

“I knew you would like it.”

“Who would’ve guessed, right?”

You chuckle, getting out of the bathtub to snatch the hair mask and a small plastic mug to gently rinse Mattia’s hair.

“Honey?” He looks like he finally recovered from his orgasm, but instead of being satisfied he seems worried.

“Yes?”

“The second week of testing should be all right because nobody will know about the agreement until Friday afternoon. But you should reconsider flying to Australia with me. You will hear a lot of… unpleasant comments. I won’t be the most popular person in the paddock.”

“That’s exactly why I must go. You’ll need someone to make you feel loved every day.”

“It’s not going to be easy.”

“I know.” You lean to kiss him. “I will always be by your side, Mattia. In sickness and in health… for better and for worse.” You put your hand on his hairy chest, feeling the steady beating of his heart. “I belong here.”


	22. Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your home is your castle. You organize it to make your life with Mattia better. You hang new plants together. But after the winter testing ends and the FIA/Ferrari secret settlement becomes public, you go home to hide.  
Also in this chapter Mattia talks a bit about his family. And puts to use a very unusual massage table (not really a table).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was rushing a bit to update, so please forgive me if you'll find the chapter a bit messy (I hope it's not). Thank you for your patience. I hope you are doing well (not the best times for Binoholics).

“I can’t find one black sock. Are you sure you put everything into the washing machine?” You enter the kitchen, where Mattia was just cleaning after breakfast, but he’s not there.

He wasn’t in the bathroom, so there’s one room left to check – his office.

“Have you seen…” You glance inside; he’s not in the office either. “Mattia?” you say loudly.

There’s only silence in the house. Did he drive somewhere?

You walk up to the kitchen window. The garage door is open; Mattia’s Ferrari is parked inside. You can see Mattia’s shoes as he’s standing next to his little workshop by the wall. Well, standing is not the right word. He’s shuffling from one foot to the other, more or less in the same spot, but constantly shifting his weight.

You leave the basket with clean underwear and socks in the kitchen, you put a jacket and a pair of shoes on and you go to check what the love of your life is up to.

Once you approach the garage door, you realize that he’s whistling. He looks carefree. Happy even.

You slow down, making your footsteps as quiet as possible.

He’s wearing an old blue plaid shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants.

You’re almost behind him. Should you tickle him? Or spank him?

“I can see you.”

God damnit…

He points at something on the wall in front of him. It’s a standard rear view mirror, similar to the one he likes to put above his pitwall monitors. Mattia’s secret dream is to have a second pair of eyes at the back of his head.

“I just wanted to hug you.”

“Yeah, right.”

You approach him from behind, wrapping your arms around his lean torso. A distant memory of you doing this in the bathroom – the old bathroom – after your first night together, flashes in your mind. He’s still the same person. Nothing’s changed.

“You want to touch something hard?”

“Yeah, give it to me.” You bite your lip, Mattia’s back blocking your view.

He gently grasps your hand, pulling it down. You feel cold metal under your fingertips. “What’s that?”

“My drill, ha-ha.”

Of course. You laugh quietly, your belly shaking against Mattia’s butt. “I like the warm one better.”

“Ha-ha, but it’s for a different use.”

As he lets go of your hand, you can stand next to him.

“You have quite a collection here,” you notice, looking at a set of drills of various sizes.

“How many hooks do you need?”

“Three. One for the fern, one for the philodendron and one for the string of hearts.”

“You’re lucky because I only have three.”

“I’m lucky. I know.” You climb to the tips of your toes to plant a kiss on his cheek.

“Oh, thank you,” he smiles, almost shyly. “Could you hold this?” He hands you the drill. “We need a ladder.”

* * *

You go to the kitchen first.

“Just tell me where you want the hole, and I’ll drill it for you.”

“Okay.” You look at the ceiling. You thought you had a good idea of where to hang the plant, but now you’re hesitant.

Mattia waits a minute before cracking a wide smile and walking up to the sink to damp a rag.

“What?”

“I’m just going to wipe the ladder because it’s dusty. You take your time. I would hate to make unnecessary holes in the ceiling.”

“I just… I thought it would look nice here, but it’s too close to the cupboard. If it grows any bigger… Why are you laughing?”

“I’m not laughing, I’m just smiling, because I used to wait like this for Sabina too. She started with a ficus plant and three pots of petunias but you should see the house now.”

“I’d love to see it,” you admit. “Maybe she’ll have some tips for me?”

“Tip number one: don’t buy too many plants if you plan to travel around the world and you won’t have the time to take care of them anyway.”

“Do you think it was a bad idea?”

“No!” Seeing the uncomfortable look on your face, he quickly walks up to you. “I love plants! I think one for each room is a bare minimum.” He grasps your hand and strokes it with his long fingers. “But you’ll see what I mean when the season starts. This one’s going to be the busiest season ever.”

“I think the plants will be all right. Marisa will keep an eye on them.”

Still touching your hand, Mattia looks at the ceiling. “I’d hang it over there.”

“Yes.”

He turns to look at your face. “Just yes?”

“Yes.”

“All right then.” He puts the ladder in place before reaching to his right sleeve.

“Oh, yes…” you smirk, giving him a suggestive look as he rolls the sleeve up.

The plaid shirt is unbuttoned, Mattia is wearing a tight white t-shirt underneath it. And when he gets on top of the ladder, and you hand him the drill, the hem of the shirt goes up as he lifts his arms.

You grin, seeing his belly button and the dark trail of hairs south of it. There’s a white string that’s keeping the sweatpants on his hips, but it’s tied so loosely that they already slipped, exposing a bit of Mattia’s underwear.

“Okay, one last chance to change your mind. You want it here?” He presses the drill to the ceiling, but he’s not drilling yet.

You want to tickle his belly. You make a tiny jump, careful not to move the ladder, and yet your hand doesn’t reach the belly… but it reaches something else.

“Hey!” Mattia’s arms drop. “Do you want me to fall?”

“I wanted to tickle your belly.”

“Sure, sure.”

“I’m not kidding. When you lift your arms… yeah, there it is again.”

Mattia notices what happens to his shirt. “I understand that it’s distracting, but could you focus on the ceiling for a minute?”

“I could. Yes, that’s the spot.”

“All right.”

You hold the ladder when Mattia starts drilling. He’s squinting his eyes, just in case some dust would fall into them, but his glasses should protect him.

You are quiet and maybe he thinks that you felt embarrassed or that you don’t want to disturb him. But the truth is, your mind is full of thoughts.

Why does it feel so special? He’s just fixing a hook to the ceiling. Such a small thing and yet… is that what relationships are about? Building things together? Building a home? Organizing your shared space to make it as comfortable as possible? To make it personal, unique, your own?

You and Jess never really stopped decorating and redecorating your flat. It led to many arguments and fights because you had different ideas and not enough space to express them. Now you have a huge house, compared to the flat; and you’re free to do whatever you want with it.

“Could you hand me the plant?”

“Yes.”

He studies your face when grabbing the hanging basket. He makes no comment though, determined to finish the job.

For a second you feel anxious because… what if the hook is not strong enough and the plant will land on the floor?

Mattia hangs the basket. It doesn’t fall, you silly girl. He’s 50, not 15. He knows what he’s doing.

“Looks nice,” you say.

“Let me get down and take a look.” He gets off the ladder, taking a spot next to you.

Rubbing his huge nose with the back of his hand (probably itchy from the dust), he stares at the plant. “Good spot.”

“Yes.”

“I shouldn’t have mentioned Sabina. I’m sorry, it’s not fair to compare you two.”

You frown, looking at his face. “Oh, no… it didn’t bother me at all. I was just thinking about how I used to fight with Jess because she kept nailing garbage to the walls in our flat. Never took anything off, but kept adding and adding… It was a mess.”

“You two complete each other, ha-ha. She took good care of you after you left your mother’s house.”

“She did. Never let me get too comfortable with my loneliness.”

“I hope she’ll find a nice man soon.”

“She’d roll her eyes so hard if she heard you right now.”

“I can imagine.” He puts an arm around you. “So? Where do we go next?”

“To the bathroom.”

* * *

It takes you almost twenty minutes to find a good spot for the fern in the bathroom (you only managed to decide because you secretly want to buy at least two more plants and hang them in the other spots).

You wouldn’t need that much time if Mattia wasn’t distracting you.

First, he started checking himself in the mirror. Then he decided that it’s the right moment to count his grey hairs. Afterwards he suddenly discovered that he has limited space to place the ladder. Then he took the plaid shirt off because he felt too warm. And when he finally got on top of the ladder, you had to use all your mental strength to keep your hands off him. Because his sweatpants were hanging so low that they were just asking to be pulled down. But that would be childish…

“Hey, my eyes are up here. Is this the spot?”

“Yes, sir. Aren’t you worried that you’re going to lose your pants?”

He ignores your words and starts drilling. Impressive. Doesn’t even blink, no emotions displayed. Focused on the job.

“Worried?” he asks, brushing the specks of dust off his forehead. “I hope I will lose them soon.”

Oh, nice… Someone’s in the right mood.

“Hand me the basket.”

“Do you think we could use that ladder… when you’re done drilling?”

“No.”

“Wow, that was a quick answer.”

“I told you I’m not an acrobat.”

“But you like the desk, don’t you?”

“It’s a heavy desk. Wide and stable.” Mattia hangs the plant on the hook. “Done. I think it will look better if there’s more plants here. One fern looks a bit lonely.”

“I like your thinking,” you admit. You also like the way he looks at you once he gets down from the ladder.

“This makes me happy,” he says, leaning forward to kiss your forehead.

“Hanging plants?” you ask, looking high up as he leans away. He’s such a tall man… You would have to use a ladder to… wait a minute!

“Drilling holes for you,” he chuckles. “What are you doing?”

You get on the second step of the ladder. “Come closer,” you lay out your hand.

And as Mattia gets closer, you climb to a higher step and finally, you can kiss his forehead too.

“That’s sweet,” he laughs, opening his arms and letting you jump into his embrace.

He’s holding you in the air for a couple of seconds before you slide down, and your feet touch the floor.

“Thankfully we’re the same height when we’re in bed,” he says.

“Can we go there now?” you ask, pulling by the string in his sweatpants.

“I believe there’s one more plant left.”

“Don’t you want to take a break?”

“No. I want to keep you waiting,” he laughs, grabbing the ladder. “Take the drill and lead the way, gorgeous.”

* * *

“It’s called the string of hearts,” you say, admiring the plant as Mattia places the ladder in the right spot.

“I know. It’s perfect for bedroom.”

“Jess said that it’s cheesy.”

Mattia snorts. “When’s her birthday? I’ll buy her the cheesiest bouquet of flowers you can imagine. We’ll see how she reacts.”

“She would be ready to pretend that she likes it, but she would actually like it for real.”

“I think so too.”

“You wouldn’t try to mess with my best friend’s head, would you? What if she falls in love with you?”

“Oh, no… I’m not the usual crush material for girls your age.”

“That’s true. And thank God for that. Because I noticed that I get a little je…” you trail off, realizing that maybe you shouldn’t confess it out loud.

“A little jealous, go on… ha-ha,” Mattia looks amused. “You’re worried that I will lose my head for a different young woman?”

“There’s a lot of them looking for a sugar daddy and some of them are very, very attractive.”

“To you perhaps…” He starts drilling without asking you if it’s the right spot. It is the right spot though.

You watch him work in silence as he fastens the hook to the wall.

You hand him the plant. “I’m not really worried. Not after yesterday.”

“Yesterday?” Mattia frowns, hanging the plant.

“You were scared to lose me.”

He gets off the ladder, still staring at the plant as if he was too embarrassed to make eye contact.

You walk up to him, sliding your arm under his arm and clinging to his side. “I’ve been through so much shit when I was a child… whatever is going to happen at your job, it doesn’t scare me. I feel safe by your side and I hope you’ll find peace by my side too.”

“Peace,” he repeats softly, turning to touch your face. “And happiness…”

“And love,” you whisper, lifting your chin.

He immediately leans to kiss you.

“Your hopes are about to come true, Mister Binotto,” you smile. “I’m going to help you lose your pants.”

* * *

_Barcelona, last day of winter testing, afternoon_

Alone in the hotel room, you keep checking the news on your phone. You get interrupted by a call from Mattia.

“Have you packed everything?” he asks.

“Yes. I’m ready to leave.”

“I’ll be with you in a minute.”

You go to pee. And when you’re washing your hands afterwards, you hear Mattia entering the room.

“How are you doing?” you ask him, leaving the bathroom.

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“Let’s just get out of here.”

Peace, happiness… You can barely remember that one day of rest when you and Mattia could enjoy each other to the fullest.

The last three days of winter testing he’s worked even more than during the first days. The results are encouraging, but everyone at Ferrari seems to be aware that both Red Bull and Mercedes haven’t shown their true pace yet. Meanwhile Ferrari… that was all they had. They pushed their car to the limit.

You meet Silvia, Jonathan, Laurent and Jock at the airport. They all have serious faces and keep checking their phones.

“Are we really doing this?” Jonathan asks.

Silvia puts a hand on his shoulder. “Yes. It’s for our own good, trust me. If there’s an emergency, we can always use our private phones.”

Mattia sighs; he’s the first one to turn his work phone off.

“Stay away from social media, don’t read any news. I’ll tell you all you have to know on Monday.”

“You better take it,” Mattia hands her his phone. “I’ll get it back in Maranello.”

“As you wish,” Silvia turns to you. “Make sure he doesn’t spend too much time reading news.”

“I’ll try.” You try to smile, but it doesn’t feel convincing.

* * *

He gave his phone to Silvia but his brain is still all about work. His mouth is all about work and his ears too as he listens to Laurent.

Only after you finally hug and kiss his colleagues, well, his employees goodbye at the airport, Mattia stops talking. You feel tired and dejected.

He grabs your hand, sighing. “Can’t wait to get home,” he says.

You look at his face. You wish you could say something that would make him feel better, but you’re empty.

He showed you the statement when you were still in Barcelona.

"The FIA announces that, after thorough technical investigations, it has concluded its analysis of the operation of the Scuderia Ferrari Formula 1 Power Unit and reached a settlement with the team.”

"The specifics of the agreement will remain between the parties."

"The FIA and Scuderia Ferrari have agreed to a number of technical commitments that will improve the monitoring of all Formula 1 Power Units for forthcoming championship seasons as well as assist the FIA in other regulatory duties in Formula 1 and in its research activities on carbon emissions and sustainable fuels."

It’s vague. Too vague to satisfy anyone. If anything – it will create an atmosphere of distrust and suspicions.

Mattia checks his watch after you take the back seat in a taxi.

“Is it official?” you ask.

“Yes.”

You feel heaviness in your chest. You can only imagine the avalanche of accusations in the media right now. It won’t stop until you get to Australia… No, it will never stop.

Mattia touches your hand. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

You can’t stop thinking about your mother. How soon will she learn about this? What will be her first thought? Will she feel smug? Will she try to call you to gloat that she was so right about Mattia?

You let go off Mattia’s hand, just to take your phone out and turn it off. You quickly grab his hand again, once the phone is back in your pocket. You grab it with both your hands.

_Whatever will happen, we are together. Nothing can change that._

* * *

You’re in Mattia’s Ferrari.

He drives in silence for a couple of minutes. He doesn’t feel pressured to talk; he can touch your hand and feel your presence.

You’re thinking about starting a conversation, but everything feels irrelevant.

Mattia turns the music on, and you just rest your head against the headrest, focusing on his touch and the pleasant tingles it causes despite your shitty mood.

You hoped to get some peace at home, but when you open the door, waiting for Mattia who’s carrying your luggage, you can’t help the sinking feeling in your chest.

You are hiding, but it’s not going to help. The world will wait. Two days will not save you from anything.

Mattia leaves the luggage on the floor, locks the door and starts taking his jacket off.

You haven’t done shit today, apart from pretending that everything is normal and that you’re a happy lady… Physically the travel from Spain wasn’t too bad. But mentally… you’re exhausted.

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“No.”

He’s staring at you and you can guess what’s on his mind. You can feel the tension, the need in his movements as he steps closer, reaching to unbutton your coat.

You look up to meet his eyes. It’s tough to hold on to his gaze.

He wets his lips, studying your face for a few more seconds.

“What’s your plan for the evening?” he asks, his voice more neutral.

“We should probably unpack…”

“Okay.”

“And then I don’t know. I feel tired.” It’s so hard to say “no” to him, but that’s what you’re doing. No wonder you feel so uncomfortable.

“I understand.” He leans forward to kiss your forehead. He kisses your forehead so often. It’s because it’s on the right level for him. “Let’s go unpack.”

* * *

He never locks the bathroom door when he’s showering. Sometimes he even leaves it wide open – it’s an obvious invitation that you accepted many times in the past. But not this time.

You sneak past the bathroom and down the stairs. You check all the plants; they look healthy.

Mattia is hungry. Maybe you could make him something to eat? You have prosciutto, white beans and there’s even one red onion in an edible condition. That should be enough for delicious toasts.

You grab a bowl and you mash the beans with a fork. You stir in some vinegar, oil, thyme, salt, pepper, and a bit of parsley. You take three pieces of toast bread, you put some prosciutto on it and you top it with the bean mixture. You sprinkle it with a bit of minced red onion and dried parsley (because you don’t have fresh parsley).

He’s out of the shower, before you finish preparing the meal.

He shows up in the kitchen; his hair damp. “Ah, someone’s gotten hungry after all.”

“It’s all for you, sweet cheeks.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” You pass the plate with the toasts to him. “Enjoy. I’m going to grab a shower.”

He opens his mouth, but he says nothing. You quickly turn away and head out.

So awful… you feel bad avoiding him because you don’t really want to avoid him… It’s complicated.

You hope that he’ll enjoy the simple toasts. Even if he deserves the most delicious food in the world.

* * *

You close the door to the bathroom, but you don’t lock it; that would be weird. Rude, even. He got your hints already. You can stop feeling awkward.

Then why do you feel like crying when you are in the shower?

You wonder if your mother was already trying to call you. Or Jess. What will Jess think? She calls Charles “traitor”, will Mattia’s nickname be “cheater”? She wouldn’t do that to you, or would she?

You wash your hair too, feeling a need to clean everything. After drying yourself with a towel, you put pyjama shorts and a sleeveless top on. The air in the corridor feels chilly. You return to the bathroom to grab a bathrobe.

Mattia is not in the bedroom yet. Maybe he is still enjoying his toasts? With a glass of red wine. Feeling lonely and abandoned. And unloved… You’re so awful! What are you even doing?

You snatch a pair of warm socks and put them on your feet. Time to find the poor man.

To your surprise, he is not in the kitchen. You frown, having an anxious feeling that he went to his office to check the news.

“Mattia?” you say loudly.

“I’m in the living room.”

Oh, that’s weird. He rarely goes there. What if he’s watching the news?! He must be so tempted to check everyone’s reaction to the FIA statement.

Your heartbeat accelerates as you climb the stairs. You’re almost winded when you get to the living room.

The TV is off. Mattia is sitting on the couch, the plate with one remaining toast in front of him on the table. No wine. Just a glass of water. And his private phone next to it.

He’s reading something.

“What are you doing here alone?”

“Nothing important… I figured that you needed space.”

Your throat tightens. You quickly walk up, you sit on the couch next to him, clinging to him like a small child. “I’m sorry for being so weird. I just don’t feel like having sex. That’s all. I should’ve just told you instead of… avoiding you.”

“It’s okay.” He pulls you closer.

He smells so good. And now you can also see what he is reading – or rather looking at. It’s an old photo album.

“Is that… you?” You point at a black and white photograph of a skinny boy in football gear.

“No, that’s Andrea. I’m here, talking to my grandpa.”

He’s even skinnier than his brother, one grass-stained sock slipped down to his ankle. He’s holding his grandfather’s hand – the man seems as tall as Mattia now.

“I was begging him to give me my glasses back. I ruined a pair while playing and we couldn’t afford new glasses every week, so he was encouraging me to play without them. I only needed my glasses for reading back then, so it wasn’t a big deal. But we were losing the game, because of my sloppy defence, and I needed an excuse to my poor performance.”

“You are so cute! How old were you?”

“Seven?”

“Is your grandfather a giant or were you so small?”

“He was tall, but I was also quite small. But when the puberty hit, I started growing fast. Andrea too, we ate a lot. Our mom couldn’t keep up feeding us. We were always hungry.”

“But you were also physically active.”

“Yes, that’s… in our genes. We both don’t like sitting in one place. We enjoy moving and… I’m glad you are keeping me so fit.” He turns a page. “Not tonight, of course. I’m not implying anything. Don’t feel pressured, I got your message.”

You smile. “It’s okay. I don’t feel pressured. Can we start from the beginning of the album?”

“Ehm… But there are some very intimate photos there.”

“We don’t have to if…”

“Of me naked.”

“That would be a shocking image for me.”

He closes the album, just to reopen it on the first page.

You bite your lip, seeing the first picture.

“Not sure what was wrong with people in the past, but it was a tradition to take a photo of a baby taking a bath.”

“I’m familiar with this tradition.” You don’t know if you should laugh or cry because he is so cute! “Your cheeks… you’re so small and yet you already have a head full of hair!”

“Look at my belly. Even bigger than now.”

“I wouldn’t recognize your…” you trail off pressing your lips together.

“My what?”

You shake your head. Can’t say it.

“My penis? Is that what you wanted to say? Why? It’s the same penis.”

You burst out laughing; Mattia is laughing as well.

“You should see my chest on my childhood photos,” you say, once you calm down.

“I’d love to see it. On the photo, I mean. Not now.”

His phone vibrates, interrupting your conversation. “It’s my daughter,” he says.

“Oh, okay…” You make a move to get up but he grasps your wrist.

“You can stay.” He lets go of your wrist, probably not wanting you to feel forced to stay.

You sit down, feeling privileged.

“Good evening, sweetheart.”

Of course, he calls her sweetheart.

He reaches for your hand as soon as you settle down. You’re sitting close enough to hear his daughter’s voice.

“Are you back home?”

“Yes. I’m resting.”

“We heard the news. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I turned my other phone off. It will pass, don’t worry. People will talk until something else draws their attention.”

“Do you have a good engine, dad? Tell me you will have a different engine and that it will be good.”

“It will be new, but… not as good as the one last year.”

“You mean bad?”

“Yeah, pretty bad.”

“This is so frustrating. Why were they telling you that there was nothing wrong with the engine but now they are saying that they are not satisfied? Maybe they should make better tests? When you pass a test, you should be clear right?”

“That’s how it works, most of the time.”

“You were doing a great job, dad. You know that, right? With Charles and the press…”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you.”

“I will always support you and believe in you. I promise. I just… worry because if other people mess up, you will have to pay for it.”

“If they mess up badly, but if they just… make a mistake, they can always learn from it.”

“What will happen if you get stuck in Australia? Have you heard about that virus that’s killing people in China? Can you even leave Italy?”

“We can… for now.”

“Can we meet before you leave? I really need to see you, in case you get stuck and we can’t see each other for God knows how long.”

“We should meet, you’re right. I’d love to see Marco too.”

“Could you visit us at home? I want to show you how I redecorated my room. And the new cabinet for my shoes. I have so many shoes, dad. You will laugh when you see them. Mum’s not happy about it.”

“I can imagine,” he laughs. “Are you wearing them or collecting?”

“Can’t wear more than one pair at once! Sometimes you need a special occasion…”

“I know, I know. I’m joking. Just remember that shoes need to be comfortable.”

“Why do you think seventy percent of my collection is just snickers?”

“That’s my girl,” he chuckles. “Remember that pair you picked for me when we were shopping before your sixteenth birthday?”

“The brown one?”

“Yes. Still my favourite.”

“I saw you wearing them on some photos. But not in Barcelona. You were with that girl… Mum only told me like two weeks ago. Why would you tell mum and Marco but not me?”

Mattia’s smile disappears. “I’m sorry… I wasn’t sure how to do it. I told your mum and I hoped she’d choose the right moment to tell you and Marco.”

“You took her to the testing. I would love to spend some time in the paddock during testing, but… you never invited me.”

“It’s because I’m too busy to spend time with anyone outside work.”

“But you took her.”

Mattia takes a breath in, calming himself down. “I will have passes for the entire family when we’ll race in Monza.”

“Did she change her name? When mum told me about her, she mentioned a different name and then when I showed her the pictures, she was confused.”

“Yes, she… her name is Cindy now.”

“Does she live with you?”

“Yes.”

The following silence makes you cringe.

“You will have to talk to mum about that visit,” Chiara says finally. “You want me to give mum the phone now?”

“No, I’ll call her tomorrow. It’s late, I don’t want to bother her.”

“She’s watching TV.”

“It’s late, I will call her some other time. I’ll see you soon, I promise.”

“Okay, you’re probably tired. Good night then. And… I love you, dad.”

“I love you too.” He ends the call, letting out a long sigh, before putting the phone on the table. “Did you hear her?”

“Yes.”

“She’s a bit jealous, just as I expected. But she’ll get over it.”

“I hope so…”

“She always had my full attention when we were living together. She needed it… like every child does.”

“She’s lucky to have a father like you.”

“I was never home.”

You touch the hair on Mattia’s temple. “I don’t think that’s true. You still have a strong bond. She’s the one calling you tonight, not Sabina, not your son. But Chiara. I liked what she said at the beginning. You are doing a great job.”

“She worries about me all the time.”

“That’s something I have in common with her.”

Mattia turns to you. Your touch is bringing him pleasure, you can see it in his eyes. “I want you to come with me, the next time I will visit Sabina and the kids.”

“Are you sure? Chiara sounded like she really wanted to spend some time with you. Maybe you should just catch up, the two of you, without me interfering.”

Mattia shakes his head. “We’re not glued to each other. I can go and have a chat with her alone. I’m sure you will be comfortable with Sabina. I just want Chiara to understand that I’m serious about you.”

Feeling warmth in your chest, you rest your head on Mattia’s arm. He lifts it immediately, to wrap it around you and pull you to his chest.

“I will come with you then. I’ll try to make the best impression on your daughter. Although… I’m not sure how to do that.”

“She needs time.” Mattia fixes the photo album on his lap, drawing your attention back to the photos.

“Is that your dad?” you ask, looking at a tall man with short dark hair, sitting on a beach towel by what looks like a lake.

“Yes.”

“I don’t remember his name…”

“It’s Luigi.”

“Not as handsome as you.”

“This is a bad photo. He’s squinting.”

“How old is he now?”

“Seventy five.”

“How is he doing?”

“Not bad.”

“Is he as tall as you and your brother?”

“No.”

You turn the page.

“Oh, see? He looks better here.”

“Not as handsome as you.”

You’re sitting so close to Mattia that you rather feel his short laugh than hear it.

“I see you had the same haircut as your dad when you were younger.”

“It was a standard haircut for men.”

“When did you start wearing glasses?”

“I don’t remember exactly… but I was small.”

“But your brother never needed glasses?”

“He’s wearing contacts.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I want to see more baby Mattia. Are there more photos of you when you were tiny?”

“Yes… Here I am in my mother’s belly, so… very tiny, but you can’t see me.”

“Your mum is beautiful. And so young here.”

“She was nineteen.”

“Just like Chiara.”

“Oh God…” he makes a funny face.

“Do you feel ready to be a grandpa?”

“No.”

You chuckle. “I… I think you look more like your mum than your brother does. Was her hair black or brown?”

“Brown. Much lighter than mine. Marco has her hair colour.”

“I’ve only seen your son in a video from Monza last year. And he was in the background.”

Mattia grabs his phone. “I think I have a photo from last year. Oh, here he is.”

You smile looking at Marco’s face. “Same chin, same sparkling eyes, but lighter hair and no glasses.”

“He’s the first one in the family with perfect eyesight.”

“Not as handsome as you.”

Mattia smiles, putting the phone away, but reaching for the plate with the toast.

“You want a bite?”

“Yes.”

He moves the toast closer to your mouth. Once you take a bite, he takes a small one too.

“So… where are those photos of little Mattia… oh!” you gasp. “Look at that belly.”

“Still the same.”

“You were a chubby baby.”

“Mum fed me well.”

“It’s Marta, right? You all have such nice, simple names. I love it.”

“You have a nice name too.”

“You mean my real name?”

“Both.”

“I heard what Chiara said about me changing my name. How will you introduce me when we visit Sabina?”

“How do you want me to introduce you?”

“I’m not sure… I already got used to people calling me Cindy. I even like how it sounds when you say it.”

“Do you want me to call you Cindy when we are alone?”

“I don’t mind.”

“I like the idea of using your real name in private.”

“Like every time you get annoyed with me? And you say it in that tired voice?”

He frowns. “When did I do that?”

“When we were talking about my mother…” You shake your head. “Never mind.”

“Here, have another bite,” he puts the rest of the toast close to your mouth.

You take a huge bite, almost biting his fingers. He eats the rest, licking his fingertips.

“You were a pretty boy when you were young. Almost feminine. Your brother looks more rough,” you notice studying another photo in which Mattia and Andrea must be going to school for the first time. They are wearing school uniforms; long socks, shorts and jackets.

“And now he is handsome and I’m just cute.”

You glare at him. Is he serious? No, he’s just fishing for a compliment.

“Cute doesn’t turn me on.”

He shifts closer and you wonder if he’s aware that you’re not talking about your current state…

He just kisses your head. “Do you want to dance?”

“Dance? Now?”

“Yes. Like we danced at the ball.”

“Okay, but. I need my high heels.” You dart to the door so fast, Mattia burst out laughing.

A couple minutes later, you return to the living room.

He laughs again, seeing the combination of your bed clothes, socks and elegant high heels.

He extends his hand, grasping your fingers. You recall the softness of his touch during the ball. He was so careful, so delicate, so reserved, and yet… made you lose your head completely.

“Oh, hello, tall lady,” Mattia chuckles, when the song starts. Sounds like something from the eighties.

You close your eyes, surrendering to him. He’s leading this dance. He has a good practice in swaying, does it all the time, even when he is not dancing. He can help you feel the rhythm and anticipate his moves with just a small movement of his wrist…

You could… you would… you wouldn’t mind kissing him now and you’re sure your body would warm up to him. But then you remember why you were reluctant to get intimate once you got home.

The fucking FIA statement… Your stomach twist into a nod as you take a false step and you step on Mattia’s foot.

“Ouch…” he whimpers, grimacing with pain. “My toe…”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry.”

Mattia is in too much pain to keep dancing. He hobbles to the couch and grabs his foot.

“I thought about the settlement… and I got distracted, I’m sorry…” You sit down next to him watching him as he massages his toes.

“We should go brush our teeth and go to bed,” he suggests. “It was an exhausting day. We’ll have enough time for dancing and looking at photos tomorrow.”

“And for other things…” you add. Other things that you need so badly my love, and that I can’t give you right now, because I keep thinking about the statement and my mother…

He smiles gently; looks like the worse pain has passed. “That sounds promising.”

* * *

It’s almost 2 am. Mattia just returned to the bedroom.

“Did I wake you up?” he asks, noticing that you turned the bedside lamp on.

“You can’t wake up someone who’s not sleeping,” you sigh. “You were gone for almost a half an hour. Did you go to your office to check the news?”

“No.” Sitting on the edge of the bed, he scratches his head. “I was working on something in the basement.”

“Working? In the basement?” You sit up, pulling the duvet up because Mattia’s absence and the tiredness made you feel cold. “So, you too are having problems falling asleep?”

“Maybe we need to go for a jog or something?” he suggests.

“And get even more exhausted?”

“How about a long, relaxing massage?”

“Oh, I just remembered about the massage table that you ordered.”

“Yeah, it arrived when we were in Spain. I unpacked it, but… it’s not a standard massage table. It’s not even a table. It’s more like a chair.”

You frown. “Massage chair?”

“Yes. And it’s useless if you only want a relaxing, non-sexual massage.”

“Now I’m curious.”

“It’s a surprise that I’d like to keep until you’re in the right mood.”

“Oh, okay. And now you expect me to just rest my head on the pillow and sleep?” you pout. “Thank you for your help.”

“I can give you a non-erotic massage here. You can even keep your clothes on.”

“You’re awful!”

He laughs. “Just say: yes, I want to try the erotic massage chair.”

You stay silent.

“I forgot to mention that you’ll be blindfolded through the entire experience.”

“You’re the worst.”

“I was going to tell you about it tomorrow, but since we both can’t sleep, it’s probably the best I can offer to help.”

“Will I have to go to the basement?”

“No, it’s too cold down there. And the smell is not perfect. I was thinking… the bathroom. It’ll be easy to clean the oil if it spills and I also like the acoustics.”

“How much time do you need to set everything up?”

“Why? Are you late for something?”

“I was almost ready to say yes, but now you pushed too far.” You turn away from him, pretending that you’re going back to sleep.

“As you wish. I won’t insist. It wouldn’t be right.” You can feel him shift on the bed.

You roll your eyes. “Just go.”

“Where? I just came back?”

“Go and prepare the chair.”

He freezes for a moment before getting up from the bed. You hear his footsteps as he walks around it. “That’s not enough, my lady. I need to make sure that you really want it.”

When you open your eyes, you see him crouching by your side of the bed. He grasps your chin.

You look him in the eye. Deeply.

You notice a delicate smile of content on his face. Without saying a word, he leaves you alone in the bedroom.

* * *

Maybe you were aroused twenty minutes ago, maybe you weren’t, but now you definitely are.

“Everything’s ready.” Mattia shows up in the bedroom, holding a black, silk blindfold.

“You want me to leave my clothes here?” you ask.

“That would be perfect.”

You quickly undress, throwing a glance at him while doing it; his gaze makes you shiver.

“Okay,” he steps up to you. “Will you be comfortable with it?”

You touch the silky cloth. “You want me to put it on right now?”

“Yes.”

“Make sure I don’t trip…”

“You won’t.”

You nearly burst out laughing at your shaky breath when Mattia is covering your eyes.

“I will pick you up now.”

Oh… that’s one way to make sure you don’t trip.

You feel a bit dizzy when he lifts you off the floor.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay quiet during the massage,” he says. “I brought my laptop to turn some music on. I didn’t check the news, I swear. I just looked for a suitable Spotify playlist.”

You can already hear the music. Soft and quiet. “What’s the name of the playlist?”

“Spa treatment. I’ll keep it low. Listening to you breathing is always the key to success.”

“Mhm, smells like Spa too…”

“It’s just the candles we bought a couple weeks ago.”

“Lavender, orange, patchouli and amber.”

“I guess… ha-ha. Okay, I’ll put you on the floor now.”

“You are a strong man, mister Binotto.”

“You are a small burden to carry, miss Matthews, ha-ha.”

“What now? Where do I sit?”

“Wait.” He helps you turn, pushing you gently to take a step back. You grope behind you, as you bend your knees… There’s the chair; the seat feels leathery.

“Careful.”

The back of the chair is soft and comfortable. You rest your hands on the armrests; there are some elements sticking from the sides…

“Wait… Is this a gynaecologist’s chair?”

“It’s not because I’m not a gynaecologist.”

“Oh God…” you whisper, feeling the leg rests on the sides.

“It’s a bit weird, I know. If it makes you uncomfortable just let me know, okay?”

“Oh, it makes me feel a certain way, but uncomfortable is not the correct word.”

“Let me help you with your legs.” Mattia’s warm hand grasps your calf and gently pulls your leg up. Then he does the same with your other leg.

Even after so many sexual experiences, you still need a moment to get comfortable with your legs spread so wide in Mattia’s presence. You’re not shy anymore, but you often wonder if he’s aware how desperate you are for his touch. How impatient…

He touches your shoulder in the most tender gesture. “You good?”

“Perfect.”

“You are perfect, indeed.”

It’s a peculiar way to rewind after a stressful couple of days at work, but not out of character for a man like Mattia. His brain can’t be shut down easily, so instead of forcing it to turn off, he focuses all his attention on the details of your body. Thinking of efficient ways to make you feel good.

The oil he uses, spreading it on your arm and forearm first, smells like Summer and warm sand. Judging by the laziness and the softness of his touch, he’s ready for a long session. He still can’t massage your backside, but that’s okay. You’ll need an actual massage table anyway, because how are you supposed to massage him on this chair?

You have many thoughts when his hand is sweeping along your forearm and your bicep, then over your shoulder. You keep yourself from speaking a couple of times. He wanted to stay silent; you will respect his wish, especially since he’s so generous with you…

He grasps your hand and starts massaging your palm with his thumbs, using small circular motions.

He’s in love with your body. Obsessed, even.

The massage stops for a moment when he goes to the other side of the chair.

Mattia spreads oil on your shoulder, you feel a bit dripping down your skin, tickling your armpit. He’s going to repeat all his motions on the other side of your body.

You wonder what’s on his mind when some time later he is gently playing with your fingers again, slowly sliding from the knuckles to the nail.

What is he looking at? Did he notice how you parted your lips because it feels as if the temperature in the bathroom has risen a couple degrees?

What next? What will he touch next? Will it be your chest… God, please, let it be your chest…

Mattia’s hand slides up your arm. The closer to your neck, the more pleasant his touch is, but when he reaches your collar bone, his hand shifts to your breast.

You must take a deep breath in because your head is spinning.

First, he just brushes your skin with his fingertips; you wonder if he can see the goose bumps all over your skin. Probably too focused on your nipples. Then finally, he gently cups your breast. His huge hand is so perfect for this, so warm and delicate. He pushes slightly upward with a delightful squeeze. And another one, and a stronger one. He lets go, his thumb remaining on your nipple, teasing it with circular, feather-like strokes.

You can hear him shift as the smell of the oil gets more intense. He lets it drop on your collar, the liquid is not cold, but you can feel each droplet touching your skin… It tickles as it slowly drips down the skin between your breasts.

Mattia wants to give your boobies more attention, more love. He knows how much you’re enjoying the increased pressure when you are ready for it. You are more than ready; he can hear it in your breathing and it the soft moan that escapes you after a couple of minutes of this stimulation. He must feel your racing pulse.

His hands shift slowly to your ribs. He can grab you like a ballerina, that’s how thin you are for his huge hands. He spreads the oil on your sides and then the loving palms slide slowly upward, back to your boobs, just to squeeze them again. And then they move south again, pausing on your belly.

He takes a longer break, giving you time to get in control of your breathing.

You assume he’ll move to your legs now, and you are not wrong.

He starts with your foot, so it looks like he’ll move upwards. He knows you’re not ticklish; he can wrap his hands around the sole of your foot, applying a bit of pressure with his thumbs.

The calf massage feels almost professional. You actually felt some stiffness in your legs after the travel. He’s taking care of it now, relaxing your muscles, taking all the discomfort away with long, smooth strokes. Sometimes he uses his knuckles to apply pressure.

When his hands slide upwards your thigh, you take a deeper breath in. But the long stroke stops right when it gets interesting…

Soon he moves to the other side of the chair to repeat everything on your right leg.

Isn’t it fascinating how the left side of your body tingles after his caress? It’s not from the oil; it’s his touch making every cell in your body buzz and vibrate.

How long have you been in this chair? Ten minutes? Twenty? Another soothing song is ending, and a new begins with a subtle whoosh.

Mattia’s oily hand grasps your foot.

You are beyond relaxed, knowing all the movements that are going to follow because you just experienced them.

Feeling his hands on your calf is not as intense as when he squeezes your boobs, but you welcome that change of pace. You are still getting more and more aroused. Especially since his hands are sliding up your thigh again. But he stops in almost the same spot as on the other side of your body.

He takes his hand away while you are trying to hide the change in your breathing.

You hear a subtle sound that his clothes are making when he moves. He’s squeezing more oil onto his palm, judging by the sound…

Oh, no, he’s not squeezing it onto his palm; it drips on your belly and your inner thighs…

Calm down, just breathe.

He touches your belly first, gently, with minimal pressure… It’s not a massage, it’s a caress. He likes the shape of your belly. Loves the width or your hips. And the smoothness of your thighs that have gotten so much more muscular since you started having sex regularly.

He touches your thighs, your inner thighs, reaching far, but not far enough. It’s deliberate. He wants you to wait. He wants your body to warm up even more before he reaches the sweet spot.

When… now? Not yet. So close… A bit closer… Now farther, his hands shift to your boobies again…

You sigh quietly. So good… Being in his hands feels so good…

The first time he touches you there, it feels accidental. His fingers just brush over the spot sliding from one thigh to the other.

So delicate and yet so devastating…

He does the same again, making you sigh louder. And then, finally he shows you mercy. And his gentle fingers touch you right there, where the biggest pleasure will soon erupt…

You kept your lips parted for so long and now you struggle to swallow because your mouth is dry.

He’s generous with oil, or is it your natural wetness that’s making the touch so smooth and effortless?

Now your breathing is loud and deep, you don’t feel like hiding it anymore. It’s his map. He’s going to follow it to find a hidden treasure of bliss at the end of the trail.

If that’s his plan. For now it seems that he’s totally consumed by just one thing – caressing your delicate skin with his fingertips. Stroking it like a tiny animal that needs to be petted extremely gently or it’ll get scared.

You lick your lips… you don’t deserve him… you don’t deserve his attention… his hands…

Is he hard already? Is he still wearing clothes?

The thoughts in your head lose their sharpness and you drift into a world of pleasant sensations. So good… he’s doing a great job.

You could rock your hips to help him, but you know he’ll have enough patience to get the job done without your assistance.

You let out a soft moan, wanting him to know that he’s on the right path.

When you feel his finger slowly slide inside you, you smile. It’s not necessary, but still welcome. There’s a spot inside you that enjoys being stroked; Mattia knows about it. Gently, the finger’s not moving much, it’s the fingertips of the other hand that are more agile now.

You’re close. You’re ready to be massaged a bit harder. He increases the pressure and the pace. Your loud moan is the reaction he was probably anticipating.

And now… and now we wait for the pleasure to spill over the edges.

You tense up, taking a sharp breath in. So good… So fucking amazing.

You don’t feel the need to make a lot of noise. He knows you’re satisfied. He can see the tension in your body resolve.

You sigh again, swimming in a sea of bliss…

What was that thing that was making you anxious today? You can’t remember. Mattia is still touching you, but he’s gentle now.

That was awesome, you think. Exactly what you needed. And now he’s going to caress you until your heart rate is back to normal.

Mattia’s hand shifts to your inner thigh and he repeats the movements that lead to this sweet finale, going from one thigh to the other and brushing against your tingling wet spot almost as if by accident.

Should you thank him already? No, he should be the one to speak first. It’s his ritual.

He deserves something special for this.

After Mattia’s hands disappear from your body, you hear a sound of a chair being moved. It must be the stool. And then a modern sound of an electronic mechanism. You can’t see anything, but you’re almost sure that the chair is moving. Upwards?

Mattia shifts the stool again; you hear his subtle sigh. Maybe his legs are tired? Or he has a back pain?

You feel his hand on your inner thigh, but the angle is different. He’s not standing by the chair. He’s sitting between your legs…

The unexpected brush of his tongue makes you twitch.

“Oh… God…” you bite your lip, shushing yourself. This is going to be good. It always is.

You start to understand what he meant by good acoustics. Your moans sound so close as if you were locked in a tight space. Your whispers and sighs bounce against the walls and come back to you…

Mattia is loving you with his mouth and tongue… His arms are long and he can reach to your boobies too… Massage them and tickle you down there, and lick and suck, whatever he feels like doing…

Whatever he wants…

The chair is perfect for this. Your legs are spread wide, but your muscles are relaxed. Matt’s back is probably almost straight.

Is he hard now? He must be…

You can only hear the wet sucking sounds and yourself. If he’s aroused, he’s breathing quietly. Not panting like you. But then it’s not his most erogenous zone being stimulated by the most dedicated lover in the world.

You twitch, feeling a sudden surge of pleasure. He backs off, making you giggle.

Oh, no, lady, he has time. He’s too thirsty. He doesn’t want it to end too soon.

His precise tongue, that makes you crazy when it touches yours, tastes your throbbing flesh again.

A finger slowly slides inside. Another finger follows.

Does he remember about the combo orgasms or does he just enjoy feeling how wet and warm your body is inside?

Judging by the way he starts moving his fingers, he not only knows, but he wants to get you there. 

You love every second of it. Every moan. Every shaky gasp.

The pleasure is building up slowly until it suddenly spikes, making your clench your hands on the armrests.

“Oh…”

An explosion of bliss originated deep inside, where his fingers are, triggers a second wave of pleasure right where his tongue is, and they both collide, ripping through every single nerve of your body. It’s a controlled annihilation. Your mind goes blank, for a couple of seconds.

You don’t want to breathe. You want to stay in this terrifying paradise.

But the experience is too powerful to last long. Maybe that’s the reason why your moans so often sound like begging for mercy.

And then this delightful moment comes when you still feel a huge pleasure, but you regain control over your body and mind. You can focus, pay attention to the happiness and relief and satisfaction bubbling inside you.

Mattia gently removes his fingers. He caresses your inner thighs, without touching the swollen parts that are still tingling and throbbing.

You can calm down now.

Well, maybe you weren’t in the right mood for sex when you came home. But this… this was something else. And exactly what you needed.

You are surprised to feel Mattia’s fingers in your hair and behind your neck. He fidgets with the blindfold; you help him take it off.

You blink a couple of times… There’s only the light of candles in the bathroom.

Mattia looks mysterious and majestic as he towers over the chair. He looks at your face and into your eyes, without saying a word. The silence is intimate. It’s sacred.

You grasp his hand and pull it to your lips. Oily. Smelling marvellous, like a hot summer day and a very aroused lady…

You kiss the back of his hand and his long fingers. You lace them with yours, you take a closer look at him and his body… He’s not naked, and he doesn’t seem to have a full erection. He was focused on your pleasure, not his own.

He presses a button somewhere on the chair to lower it.

You clear your throat. “I need a shower.”

He let’s you undress him and he goes into the cabin first.

He is focused on washing the oil off you, but you’re more into his hardness. You let him take care of the hygiene, while you keep stroking his erection with your hand until he’s fully hard.

“Sit down.”

Still no comments from his side. He rests his little butt on the ledge inside the cabin, spreading his thighs wide. Making room for you.

You stop the water before kneeling in front of him.

Now it’s his turn to be loved.

While you are sucking him off, he seems very dedicated to brushing your hair off your face with his fingertips.

Doing this to him is a pleasure of another kind. It’s deeply satisfying; it’s intoxicating, it’s dazzling.

You love the way he looks at you. Sometimes he seems so lost, like a confused puppy, the pleasure of what you’re doing must be immense.

You actually feel like coming again when he starts moaning, and that lovely grimace appears on his face. It’s so hot… and it’s all thanks to you…

You’re proud of yourself. He’s so huge after all, but you know how to handle him…

You close your eyes, working your head up and down and up and down, drooling a lot. It’s not just saliva, it’s also precum… He’s close. What he needs now is for you to pick up the pace.

It takes a moment to synchronize your mouth with your hand; the hand can be crazy fast if needed.

And then suddenly Mattia gasps, you feel hot liquid hitting the back of your throat; your mouth is full of him, you act on instinct, swallowing most of it down.

“God… I’m…” He wants to apologize but he’s still fighting for air.

You straighten your back, still caressing him with your hand.

Yep, you swallowed most of it. Now you lick your lips.

Mattia doesn’t look like he’s panicking. Or disgusted. Or disappointed.

At least not yet, because he only just started recovering from his orgasm.

He puts a hand on your head. “It felt so good, I didn’t want it to stop,” he confesses softly. He leans down to kiss your lips before looking into your eyes. “You could’ve spitted it out.”

“It was a reflex.” You clumsily lift yourself from your knees.

Mattia follows, reaching to turn the shower on. He lets the water rinse the sweat off his body, and the stickiness off his crotch. While you just wash your hands and face.

Your eyes keep getting drawn to the dark hair in his crotch. It’s the blackest black in the candlelight.

When a moment later you are brushing your teeth, Mattia turns the light on and starts blowing the candles off.

You squint at the intensity of the light. You quickly wipe your mouth and scurry to the bedroom.

You slide under the duvet naked, shivering at the cold touch of the fabric.

Luckily Mattia doesn’t keep you waiting. He returns to the bedroom naked. He sneezes when approaching the bed.

“Bless you.”

“Thank you.”

“Can we spoon?” You shift onto your side, turning your back to him.

“Oh, yes.”

Mattia is always the big spoon because he’s basically a ladle.

The moment he settles behind you, you start warming up.

“I’m crazy for you,” he whispers into your ear. “If there’s anything you’d like me to do...”

“Tomorrow, Mattia.”

“You want something particular for breakfast?”

“I want you to fuck me on your desk.”

“Okay. What else?”

“I worry that you will have trouble falling asleep again if we continue this conversation.”

“Probably, but we can sleep as long as we want. Or stay in bed until noon.”

You stay silent, thinking about all the possibilities.

Mattia shifts a little behind you.

It’s almost baffling how you’re always ready for more...

“Sleep well, _tesoro_,” he whispers.

He seems to be thinking that you are sleeping. Better leave it that way.

* * *

“I had a weird dream,” Mattia says the next day when you’re having breakfast in the kitchen.

“We were on a deserted island, you and me. We had a storage room in a cave, full of canned food and bottles of water. You were naked, and I remember following you along a beach. Sand was sticking to your butt as if you were just sitting. I think we were looking for a place to have sex but then I heard my phone ringing. In the dream. You stopped and looked over your shoulder at me. We were both confused because we’ve been stranded there for a while and the batteries in our phones were long dead.”

“Did we find that phone?”

“No. We got into the sea and only after we dived into the water, the ringing stopped. But as we were diving, I lost contact with you. I started panicking because I already held my breath for too long. I needed to swim back to the surface. But for some reason I knew that if I do that, you will be gone forever.”

“That sounds awful.”

“I woke up frightened, but then I saw you sleeping next to me. And our fingers were intertwined on your chest.”

You feel a bit better, remembering the way Mattia woke you up today. His lips on your neck, on your collar bones. The cool touch of air when he uncovered your breasts. And his warm breath on your nipples. The gentle sucking and teasing...

“I don’t even know where my private phone is.”

“You left it in the living room.”

“I need to call Sabina. Tomorrow might be a perfect day to pay her and the children a visit.”

“Okay, take care of that, and when you are ready, let’s meet in your office.”

Mattia gives you a suggestive look. “Could you keep the mini skirt on?”

“Just the skirt?”

“Yes.”

“Only if you put a white shirt on and roll up your sleeves. Oh, and I want you to wear the Hublot watch.”

Mattia smirks. “You want to pretend that I’m a rich businessman looking for an assistant?”

You feel a tingling of excitement. “You better put the full suit on if you want to be convincing.”

“All right. But I will only speak French. You will have to guess what I want.”

“I don’t have to guess. I know what you want.”

Mattia smiles, heading out of the kitchen. Did he blush? Maybe a little. Or he simply got excited about the role play.

It will take him some time to put the suit on. In the meantime you go to prepare the desk.

“Do you remember where we put the fluffy blanket?” you ask Mattia when he shows up in the room. He’s still wearing the same clothes he had on during breakfast.

“I have bad news.”

You frown, throwing a glance at him. He’s not pretending.

“I just checked my phone and it turned out I missed a call from Silvia. I have to drive to Maranello. John, Louis and our lawyers are already waiting for me.” He pauses at the door, looking culpable.

“Did something happen?”

“Nothing unexpected. We were just naive.”

You both sigh.

“Could you find me a shirt and a sweater vest while I shave?”

“You want the khaki trousers or the navy blue pair?”

“Navy blue.”

Twenty minutes later, you hand Mattia his old bag. “Please don’t speed too much on the road.”

“Just a little.” He hangs the bag on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry that we can’t spend this day together.”

“I know. I’m sorry too.”

He bends down to give you a quick kiss.

“I will probably go to the gardening centre and pick a plant for Sabina," you say. "I don’t want to go to her house empty-handed.”

“Good idea. I just hope I won’t be busy tomorrow.”

You look him in the eye. There is not much hope there.

“Stay safe.”

“You too.”

You close the door after he leaves. You hurry to the kitchen window just to see him get into his car.

Lady Ferrari has stolen him from you again. But one day... One lucky day he’ll be all yours.


	23. Fathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a virus outbreak in Italy. But you are free to leave for Australia. Before that happens, you meet Mattia's ex-wife and his children for the first time. It doesn't go as planned.  
And also - Cindy's mum calls again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, my fellow Binoholics. I hope you're doing well. Every time I write that it's tough for us, it somehow gets tougher. Let me say, let's enjoy what we have. Let's celebrate the man as a human being. That's all we can do at the moment.

**Chapter 23: Fathers**

> _On 8 March 2020, Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte expanded the quarantine to all of Lombardy and 14 other northern provinces, and on the following day to all of Italy, placing more than 60 million people in quarantine._
> 
> _"Following measures announced by the Italian government last night, we are monitoring and evaluating the situation and are in close contact with the relevant authorities and all organisations involved._
> 
> _For Ferrari, compliance with the government regulations represents the primary guarantee for ensuring the safety of its employees and their families which is our priority._
> 
> _Every single decision will be made with respect to this principle._
> 
> _Part of the team and equipment have already arrived in Melbourne and the departures for the remaining members of the team are going ahead as programmed unless we receive communications to the contrary."_

You check your phone for the fifth time; Mattia was supposed to come back from work half an hour ago. You tried to call him, but he didn’t answer.

“I just need to make sure everything’s ready before we leave for Australia. It won’t take long,” he said when he was leaving in the morning.

It’s Sunday. You still can’t get used to the fact that he works on Sundays.

When Mattia returns, he will quickly change, and you’ll finally pay a visit to his ex-wife and their children. You spent the entire morning preparing an outfit.

You walk up to a mirror to smooth out the navy blue dress on your hips. Does it look too serious? Too elegant? You don’t want to look pretentious, but on the other hand, meeting Mattia’s children for the first time is a serious matter.

It makes you nervous. Mattia’s radio silence makes it worse.

You take a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. It’s not the end of the world. You will arrive at Sabina’s house in the evening instead of the afternoon. You can lose a bit of sleep; once you are on board of that charter plain tomorrow, you will have a lot of time to rest.

When your phone rings, you pick up immediately. “Finally! When will you be home?”

There’s a moment of silence on the other side of the line. “It’s me, mum.”

Your blood pressure spikes in a split second. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was waiting for a call.”

“You sound agitated. I better call some other time.”

“I have a moment, but If Mattia comes home, I will have to go.” You do your best to regain composure, but your mother puts you to the test with her long pauses.

“First, I wanted to apologize.” Long pause. “You were right to get angry. I don’t know your partner, but I trust your judgement more than I would trust my own.”

Sounds like she didn’t hear about the engine drama. Or she’s just lulling you into a false sense of security.

“The truth is…” Long pause. “The last time when I called, I didn’t even want to talk about him. There was something else I…”

“Mum, I’m sorry, he’s calling right now. Can I call you back?”

“All right. We’ll talk later.”

You quickly end the call and answer Mattia. “My mum chose the worst moment to have a chat.”

“Oh, that’s… unexpected.” He sounds tired.

“Are you still in Maranello?”

“Yes, unfortunately. We just finished writing a statement but we’re waiting for the government officials to approve it. I also need to contact local authorities in Australia, just to make sure nobody gets detained at the airport.”

“So… how long will it take?”

“I’m not sure. I already called Sabina to let her know that we will drop by tomorrow.”

“But we have a flight to catch…”

“We’ll pay them a short visit on our way to the airport.”

Over a week ago Mattia promised Chiara that he would see her soon. You wonder how the poor girl reacted to her dad’s call. Not to mention Sabina who surely spent a while preparing dinner for the guests that will not arrive.

“I guess that’s better than nothing,” you say. “I hope you’ll be back home for the night.”

“I will.”

* * *

After taking a shower, you’re ready to go to bed. Mattia will most likely return in the middle of the night. There is no need for both of you to be tired.

As you are checking your phone, wondering how early Mattia will want to wake up, you remember about your mother’s call.

It will be better to find out what she wants and to let her know that you could get stuck on the other side of the globe if the situation with the virus gets drastically worse.

You choose your mother’s number. “Hi, I’m free to talk.”

“Give me a moment.” There’s a sound of people having a meal in the background, but it slowly dies down. Your mother most likely went to a different room. “Okay, I’m back.” She takes a deep breath. “Let me tell you in advance that I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything. I just…” Long pause. “I figured that you have the right to know what’s going on in case you wanted to help.”

She’s going to ask you for money, just as you expected. You’re hoping to be wrong, but the mere suspicion irritates you.

“I’m listening,” you say, when the pause gets longer than usual.

“It’s about your father. I was approached by some social workers asking if I would pay his medical bills. He was in a local rehab, but his state was so poor he ended up in intensive care. He, obviously, has no health insurance.”

Oh, the rage, it’s coming. It’s slowly coming and you’re not sure you’ll be able to control it.

“I’m not legally obliged to take care of him since we’re divorced. And please, don’t feel like I’m asking you for money. I just wanted to let you know that he is extremely sick, and I don’t know the law, but… there is a slight possibility that you could be asked to… pay for things. Since you are his daughter. He has no other relatives, just you.”

“Was that his idea?”

“I haven’t talked to him, but I doubt he’d think of that. The social workers didn’t mention you, they only hoped I would be willing to help. But I… I can’t. We don’t have any savings. You… on the other hand…”

“It really isn’t our problem, is it, mum? The man has made his own bed. He cost both of us enough. I’m quite sure he’d use the money to get back on his feet and then, a couple months later he’d be having drunken parties with some new friends again.”

“He doesn’t look like a party person anymore.”

“You said you didn’t talk to him.”

“The workers showed me a photo. They weren’t even sure who he was. He had no ID on him when he got to the rehab. They said he’s barely conscious. Alcohol messed up his brain completely.”

“So… he never stopped drinking?”

“I wasn’t in touch with him. So, I don’t know. But it looks like he stayed the same.” She makes a pause again; you stay quiet too.

You already said “no”, but you know your mother. She will keep nagging, trying to shame you into doing what she wants.

“Look, you were always the strong one…”

There it is.

“And now you have a strong man by your side. So, I figured, maybe you put that part of your life behind you and it won’t be a big problem to help.”

“The big problem, mum… is that I don’t want to have anything to do with him. He hurt me. I almost… I thought I would be alone forever because of him. I thought I would never be able to trust anyone because of him. And I’m still… not well. I keep having nightmares and I keep making fool of myself. I’m lucky because Mattia… he’s a patient and understanding person. But I won’t suddenly run to aid someone who didn’t give a shit about me when I was growing up. Worse, he made me feel like I was a total failure. A burden to him.”

“It wasn’t the real him; it was the alcohol.”

“You still repeat the same bullshit? The real him was choosing alcohol over and over again, even though he knew the consequences. He knew that he was turning our life hell. Those were his choices, and maybe he should be the one to pay for them, not me. I already paid enough.”

“I understand. It’s fine, I’m not surprised. I just wanted to let you know what the deal is; that’s it.”

“I only have small savings, mum. I’m not working anymore; I’m taking care of the house. And I’ll be travelling to the races with Mattia. We’re leaving for Australia tomorrow. The situation with the virus is quite tense right now, so I’m not sure when we’ll come back. We might be forced to stay in quarantine.”

“So, you’re living off his money now?”

You shake your head in dismay; of course, that’s the part she had to focus on.

“Are you there?”

“Yes.”

“It’s not wise. And you know that.”

“Thank you for your kind advice. Is there something else?”

“The moment you lose independence, you lose your freedom. And sometimes it’s impossible to get it back.”

“Is that why you almost immediately found a new man after getting divorced?”

“I’m a bit tired of you judging me all the time. I get it, I made too many mistakes to call myself a good mother, but I’m still your mother and I wish you showed me more heart.”

“Where was your heart when I was little?” You feel tears coming to your eyes, but you don’t want your mother to know that you’re losing control over your emotions. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to argue with you. I hope the social workers won’t bother you anymore. I think for the first time in his life, my father should suffer the consequences of his choices. I doubt he’ll ever learn but maybe at least he’ll regret them.”

“All right then. My dinner’s probably cold…”

“Sorry for that. Have a nice meal anyway.”

“You too.”

“I already…” Your mother hangs up so there’s no point finishing the sentence.

* * *

You blink a couple of times, blinded by the light. Mattia’s back! “Are you hungry?”

“Don’t you want to know what time it is? That’s what you always ask.”

It’s so good to see him again! He doesn’t even look as tired as you expected. Maybe he’s simply happy to be home.

“I’m not hungry. And it’s almost midnight, my princess. I’ll be right back; I’ll just take a quick shower.”

You’d offer your assistance, but you’re waking up too slowly.

You recall talking to your mother and then tossing from one side to the other on the bed, struggling to calm down because of your mother’s brilliant observations… But you did fall asleep eventually.

Mattia returns to the bedroom. He’s wearing grey boxer shorts, the fabric is premium quality, soft to the touch. Not as soft as your touch.

“I’m back.”

“Thank you, mister Obvious.”

He smiles, slipping under the duvet. “Oh, God, yes… This is the only thing that kept me going today.”

“Our expensive sheets?”

“No, the thought of you waiting for me… in a warm bed that smells of you…”

“This is why I must travel with you. So that you can always have a warm bed at your disposal.”

You see a frown on his face as he rolls onto his side and shifts forward to kiss your forehead.

Now that he is so close, you can smell the lemon grass, rosemary, and mint on him.

“I was thinking about it a lot today. You would be much safer here.”

“Don’t be silly, Mattia. Italy is the least safe place right now. Maybe apart from China.”

“It’s not a matter of country. It’s better to avoid crowds, hotels and airports.”

“Call me an idiot, but I’m more scared of being separated from you than of getting infected.”

“You are an idiot.” He chuckles, seeing your offended face. “But a beautiful one.” He kisses you lightly, leaning away to look into your eyes.

“Would you really leave me here?” you ask.

“If that was your choice.”

“I’m not an idiot.”

“Ha-ha, okay, you’re not. And to be fair, I’m glad you still want to take the risk, because I really need you with me.” He rolls on his back, turning his gaze to the mirror on the ceiling. “Today was a long day. A day of waiting and looking for solutions. I wish the Australian GP was straight forward cancelled because the situation looks dangerous.”

“What a time to be a team principal…” you sigh, shifting closer and reaching out to touch Mattia’s curls.

“I made her cry today,” his voice changes.

“Who?”

“Chiara. I wish we found time to visit them last week.”

“But we’re still going to visit them, right?”

“Yes. I promised her that I will see her soon. If I don’t do it tomorrow, who knows when we’ll come back?”

“I’m sorry.” You keep touching his hair, noticing the goose bumps on his forearms.

“I’m not doing my best job as a father.”

“It’s because of this virus. You have too many responsibilities to deal with. But we’ll get through this and then we’ll find a way to dedicate more time to your family.” You suddenly remember about your mum’s phone call. You’re almost sure Mattia will ask about it, but luckily, it’s easy to distract him with a simple caress.

“The alarm will go off at six,” he says. “We should be at Sabina’s place before nine. We’ll enjoy a breakfast together and then, around ten we’ll drive to Maranello because I want to leave my car there.”

“I already checked our luggage multiple times. Followed your list, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything.”

“That’s lovely…” His voice tightens as he looks at you, eyes filling with yearning.

You hold on to his hazel gaze… he’s not ready to fall asleep yet.

“You want to have sex?” you ask softly.

He grins, clearly amused by the straightforwardness of your question. His eyes say yes, thought you still prefer waiting for his words.

“Yes, but I only have enough energy in one body part.”

“One? Is it… this part?” you ask, slipping a hand into his boxer shorts, feeling the luxuriously soft fabric on the back of your hand, and the thick curly pubes under your fingertips.

Seeing the change of expression on his face whenever you touch him like this, is an empowering experience.

“As you can probably feel, it’s not ready for use.”

“Yet.”

“I’m sure you can fix that.”

“Sounds to me, mister Binotto, that you’re in the mood for some lazy love making.”

“It’s worse than that.”

“Worse?” Even in the subtle light you can see his cheeks and ears getting flushed.

“I’m too tired to move.”

“Oh, poor thing…” You shift closer to him, pressing your lips to the sensitive skin on his neck.

He’s surely more focused on your hand, but the delicate, wet kisses to his neck are hopefully an interesting bonus.

You’re tempted to mark him with love bites, but you remember that you are visiting his children in the morning.

You kiss the birthmarks on the side of his neck. His skin is not as smooth as it was after he shaved.

“Take your shorts off, sir.”

“I can’t move.”

“You really are that lazy?”

“Yes…”

Shaking your head, you push the duvet aside, exposing Mattia’s long, skinny body.

“Oh, I don’t think I’ve seen these pyjamas before…” he says, studying the short, semi-transparent night gown that you have on.

“I found it when I was packing our bags. Do you like it?”

He nods. “I like my candy when it’s beautifully wrapped.”

“How dare you, sir. I’m a human being.” He lifts his hips when you pull on the boxer shorts.

“Sure, you are. You can unwrap yourself without my help,” he says. “And melt on my tongue…”

“Stop, I’m already drooling.” Taking the shorts off takes a while because his legs are so long.

Keeping the nightgown on, you kneel astride Mattia’s hips, bending down to kiss him. He shifts to a half-sitting position, putting two pillows under his lower back.

You start kissing, slowly. Each next brush of your lips is deeper and more passionate. Mattia’s arm closes around your waist, pulling you closer. Pressing your crotch to his.

He doesn’t need to move to make you weak with his kisses. His tongue is the most effective when it’s used tactfully. Whenever you sigh with pleasure, Mattia likes to break the kiss and look into your eyes, just for a couple of seconds before his lips lock with yours again.

You let him do what he does best, while you hold his growing erection between your legs, working your hips to rub against it and caressing it with your hand as well.

Your lips are tingling when you lean away to look down. Yep, he’s ready for a condom.

Mattia licks his lips, leaning back. Too lazy to move again.

You stretch out your arm, hoping to reach to the drawer without getting off Mattia’s lap. Unfortunately, it’s too far…

He’s so cute though. Waiting in silence, a beautiful hand resting on his thigh; long fingers snow white against the dark pubes. Calm, patient and impressive.

You already have enough experience with condoms. With Mattia’s assistance it goes even faster.

There’s still one thing to do before his size will make you see stars.

You grab the nightgown and you pull it over your head. The first thing you see after getting rid of it, is Mattia’s hungry gaze.

His lips on your nipples… It will happen; it’s a must every time you’re on top.

But first, you want to have him inside you. You’re sure he wants to be inside you as well.

It’s one of your favourite things. That moment when your hips are sinking down, and you keep eye contact, both of you grimacing with pleasure.

It feels so good, you always need a moment to get used to it, without moving. And then you start to move. A moment later you bite your lip hard, shaking your head.

“What?” he asks, watching you with loving eyes full of awe.

“This is the best feeling… You can’t even…” You grimace again. “I can feel you… everywhere… so…” you gasp, changing the angle. “So big… So good…”

“Can I have my candy now?” he asks, his warm hands cupping your buttocks.

“You want to suck on something?”

“Yes…”

“Okay.” You lift yourself up, enough for him to reach your breasts with his mouth but making sure his erection stays when it belongs.

He’s so into it. Enjoying it as much as you do. His hair smells amazing. You can touch it, play with it, kiss it…

“I love you,” he whispers before sucking your nipple a little harder, making you moan and shudder.

It’s nice to let him play, but you really want to lower your hips. You want to move faster and satiate the hunger that’s burning deep inside your belly.

You push him back, against the pillows for the energetic final round. He’s breathing hard through his mouth and… probably trying to last long enough. The visuals must be so stimulating as you keep moving fast on top of him, your muscles working, your skin breaking sweat, your breasts swaying in sync with your movements…

Searching for the perfect traction, you lean slightly back.

He puts a hand on your neck. It’s large and hot. You smile, making eye contact. He’s not going to choke you; he just loves sensing your quick pulse and running his thumb along your jaw line.

You change the angle again, leaning slightly forward by propping your hand on his forearm. So close and yet so far away.

It would be frustrating if it didn’t feel so fucking good…

You feel Mattia’s strong hands clutching to your hips. He looks you in the eye and starts working his hips in the opposite direction.

“God yes!”

It gets a bit chaotic after that. But you reach an orgasm quickly and Mattia follows you instantaneously.

It’s a great, deep orgasm that leaves you breathless and shaking on top of your equally dazed man.

You don’t remember much of what happened afterwards.

You found yourself on your back; Mattia covered you a bit too soon, and you kept sweating before all the excess heat was gone and your body started cooling off, making you sleepy.

You remember Mattia’s lips on your forehead and cheeks. His hand on your jaw and neck and the tickle of his breathing when he rested his head in the cradle between your neck and your shoulder. You remember the sent of his hair and his warm hand on your ribs.

He wanted to sleep in your arms.

No matter where we go, you were thinking as you slowly drifted into sleep, if we have each other, we’ll always be home.

* * *

You are too stressed to get infected by Mattia’s yawning. He’s sitting comfortably behind the wheel, driving only slightly faster than the speed limit.

Is he’s really that relaxed? Or is he just used to a much bigger tension?

You started freaking out when you were putting your luggage on the back seat of the Ferrari.

Meanwhile Mattia just smiled. “I always forget something and it’s never the end of the world. As long as we have our passports and the credit card, we’re good to go.”

You immediately checked if you packed the passports.

“I’m hungry,” he says, when you’re waiting for the light to change green.

“I’m nervous,” you confess, your cold fingers holding onto a ceramic pot with an Adenium, a desert rose, that you bought for his ex-wife.

He turns his head to look at you. “No need. Sabina has great people skills, my son is a nice boy, and my daughter is focused on hating me right now.”

It seems like a ridiculous detail, but you spent hours yesterday thinking of the right clothes, the right make up and accessories. You wanted to make a good first impression, but now it’s all out of the window.

You’re not wearing any make up, you’re wearing black leggings, an oversized pullover, and sneakers. Mattia is sticking to his usual clothes – grey trousers, navy blue cardigan and a white shirt. And his favourite brown shoes.

You both look like you could use more sleep.

“Is that the house?” you ask, when Mattia slows down, turning into a driveway.

“Yes.”

“It’s not as big as I imagined.”

“It’s bigger than it looks.”

Mattia drives through the open gate. It’s early spring and the trees only started putting on new leaves. You are trying to imagine what the garden will look like in a month or two, when the trees will cover in pink, white, and violet blossom. And the roses will start to bloom.

“This entire wall is covered in climbing roses,” Mattia points with his hand. “They took years to grow, but it was worth the wait.”

“It must look amazing.”

“We can plant some in our garden.”

Our garden… It’s just trees and grass. Mattia never had time nor desire to plant anything when he was alone. And now you’re both leaving the continent.

Mattia parks the car and turns the engine off.

The nervousness is making you feel a little nauseous. You get out of the Ferrari, holding the Adenium in one hand and trying to fix your pullover with the other.

Would be funny if you dropped the pot… At least they would know the real you. No faking.

“I can carry it.” Mattia sees your struggle.

“No, no. You hold the wine. I got this.”

“This way.”

The door opens before you get to it.

“You’re early! Good morning.” Mattia’s ex-wife invites you in.

Oh, the age gap. It’s so awkward when you look at her. For whatever reason, you can’t see it when you look at Mattia. But Sabina reminds you of your mother and you can’t help to feel like a child in her presence.

“Nice to meet you. Here’s something…” You lift the plant, putting it between you and her, almost like a shield.

“Is this a desert rose?”

“Yes.”

“Stefano, look! A desert rose!”

The genuine fascination on Sabina’s face makes you feel better. A man appears, he looks a bit older than Mattia, maybe because of his grey hair and thick moustache. Sabina hands him the plant and turns back to you.

“It’s nice to meet you too. I hope you’re hungry.” She leans forward to give you a kiss on the cheek.

“Welcome, welcome,” Stefano says, reaching out to shake your hand.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Mattia bending, so that his ex-wife can reach his cheek.

Oof… all the ladies Mattia ever slept with in one place. Even though there is clearly no sexual tension between them, they are physically comfortable around each other the way only lovers or ex-lovers can be.

You wonder if Sabina can see the same thing in Mattia’s behaviour toward you.

“How long can you stay?”

“We’ll have to leave around ten.”

“I better take care of that casserole then. You take Cindy to the dining room, Mattia.”

You hear someone open the door behind you.

“Oh, hello.” It’s Mattia’s son returning with a paper bag full of fresh bread rolls. “You’re already here.”

You make brief eye contact; he seems as curious of you as you are of him. He’s tall and has the same soft features that Mattia had when he was his age.

“Nice to finally meet you,” he says, grasping your hand.

“Likewise,” you can feel Mattia’s intense stare when his son is giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“Go upstairs and tell your sister to come down,” Sabina says.

Mattia steps closer, pressing a hand to your back. “Let’s go.”

You walk down the wide corridor, decorated with paintings and plants. The dining room is on the other side of the house. It’s a spacious room with huge windows. The walls are white, the colour of the curtains is the exact same as the colour of the sunflowers in a vase in the middle of a large, oval table set for six people.

“Where do I sit?”

“Here.”

“Do you have your usual chair at the table?” you ask quietly, taking advantage of the fact that you are alone.

“Not really.”

“But you used to.”

“We had a different table.”

“The house is so beautiful.”

Stefano enters the room. “There’s a huge pot outside, next to our new fountain. The desert rose will have a lot of space to grow there,” he says. “We already have so many plants that we promised ourselves not to buy more. But if it’s a gift, we accept it with no regrets!”

The man takes the seat opposite to you and Mattia. “So, you’re allowed to leave the country?”

“Yes. But we’re not sure if we’ll be allowed to come back,” Mattia says, reaching for a jug of water.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I should…” Stefano lifts himself from the chair.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry.” Mattia fills your glass before filling his.

Marco shows up with a steaming pot of coffee, putting it on a small table next to a milk jug, sugar bowl and a set of porcelain coffee cups.

“Is Chiara up?” Mattia asks when his son starts serving coffee.

“She’s awake, but she locked the door.”

Mattia sighs, taking a cup from Marco to hand it to you.

“Don’t worry, mum will handle it.”

“No, I better talk to her first.”

Mattia’s not worried to leave you alone with Marco and Stefano. The first one is as polite as his dad, and the second gives you strong dad vibes.

You’re still nervous, thinking of Mattia – the dad – on his way to “negotiate” with his daughter who’s partially pissed at him for being too busy and partially unwilling to join the breakfast because of you.

Or maybe she just wants him to come upstairs and see her room?

“So, the bakery is still open?” Stefano asks as Marco hands him his cup of coffee.

“Only for friends and neighbours.”

“Our pantry is full of flower,” Stefano turns to you. “We will bake our own bread now; I’m actually looking forward to it.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Have you seen what’s going on in the supermarkets?” The older man shakes his head. “People are fighting over toilet paper!”

“There was none left in the stores yesterday,” Marco adds. “Only paper towels.”

“It’s a small village, you should be safe here,” you say.

“It’s just surreal to see the whole country in lock-down. So many people dead…”

“It doesn’t look good.”

“Do you think the race will go as planned? I heard that people are still buying tickets.”

“From what I know Australia doesn’t have many cases.”

“Well,” Stefano chimes in. “If they keep inviting tourists, it will change.”

“Have you ever been to Australia?” Marco asks.

“No. I never had enough money for traveling.”

“I wouldn’t go there even if they paid me,” Stefano says. “I am a bit claustrophobic and the idea of being locked in an airplane for so many hours, petrifies me.” He gets up, approaches the window, and opens it a bit, letting fresh air in.

Sabina enters the dining room, carrying a casserole. “They’re not here yet? Oh, God… go and tell them to come down.”

“Dad’s on it, mum. He knows that we’re waiting,” Marco says.

“You’re right.” Sabina puts the casserole on the table. “I guess we can wait a couple minutes.”

“Is he still banging at her door? I can’t hear.” Stefano reaches for a bread roll.

Sabina swats his wrist. “I said wait.”

You see Marco trying to supress a smile. “I better check. We’d hate you to starve,” he says to Stefano before getting up from the table.

“He’s not happy at work, is he?” Sabina pours herself a cup of coffee.

You hesitate for a second. Sabina is still his family, she’s on Mattia’s side. No need to hide the reality. “He can’t be. Too many unfortunate events.”

“Life’s not fair.”

The delicious smell of the casserole has the power to make you hungry. But you must wait with the rest, hoping that Mattia and Chiara will show up soon.

Unfortunately, Marco returns alone.

“He’s in the room, so there’s a progress. But he said that we should start without them.”

“Perfect!” Stefano grabs the bread roll.

Mattia is missing, but his son is taking good care of you. He serves you a portion of the casserole. It’s just eggs and vegetables, but they’re spicy and well-seasoned.

“Chiara was inconsolable after Mattia called yesterday,” Sabina says. “It’s been a while since his last visit.”

“That’s understandable. I wasn’t pleased with the sudden change of plans either. Though it happens a lot this year.”

“What’s the atmosphere in the team?” Marco asks.

“I think everyone’s aware that this season will be tough. Not just because it’s supposed to be long, and there’s a virus outbreak. The car’s not living up to the expectations. And the new engine is, obviously, a poor substitute.”

“A lot seems to be going wrong for the poor Mattia…” Stefano says. “But he’s in love again, and that’s the most important thing. Love makes everything better.”

You feel blush on your cheeks. “He’s still in love with Ferrari,” you say, trying to divert the attention from yourself. “And I’m not sure if it’s a healthy relationship.”

Sabina studies you intently. “Oh, we know what you’re talking about. He reached the top now. There’s no going back. It’s the final step. He’ll either do really well, or he’ll join the club of the exes.”

“It’s a prestigious club, though,” Marco smiles. “We shouldn’t be talking about him when he’s not present. Tell us something about yourself, Cindy. Where are you from?”

It feels like a job interview. Your resume is embarrassingly short since you don’t feel like talking about your family.

“I’d lie if I said that we were not surprised when we heard about you,” Sabina says.

You are slowly getting more comfortable looking her in the eye. You can tell that she’s watching your every move, trying to learn as much as she can from your body language, but you don’t feel judged.

“I knew there was this CEO, Angelica… She was so in love in with him. He was pulling all kinds of ridiculous stunts just to avoid her.”

“Angelica, yes,” you smile, remembering the poor woman. “He asked me to go to a charity ball with him last year just to keep her away.”

Sabina laughs. “That’s what I was talking about.”

“Something tells me that this stunt was meant for something else…” Stefano wiggles his eyebrows.

Sabina rolls her eyes. “Mattia told you, Stef.” She turns to you. “He told us everything. I mean… not everything, I guess, but we know he wanted to spend time with you, but he was worried that he is too old.”

You’re blushing again. “I don’t blame him. There’s quite a big gap between us.”

Sabina waves her hand. “We want to see him happy and he really changed since he met you. Even if you weren’t here on Christmas, he was still positively glowing.”

“We are talking about him again…” Marco sighs.

“Only nice things!”

Sabina, Stefano, and Marco keep the conversation going. You can’t fully relax in their presence yet, but you feel much better than when you arrived.

“Should I carry dad and Chiara some bread rolls with butter and jam upstairs?” Marco asks, grasping a butter knife.

“That’s a good idea.” His mother prepares two plates. “Mattia must be hungry.”

Marco spreads butter and a bit of strawberry jam on the bread rolls, while Sabina pours two cups of coffee, adding milk and sugar.

“I think Cindy should take it to them,” she says, putting everything on a tray.

You fidget in your chair. “I’m not sure if Chiara is ready to see me.”

“Do it, please. I know my daughter. She might be a bit reserved today, but at least you’ll have the first meeting behind you.”

You hate the idea, but you don’t want to be rude. “All right. I’ll try not to spill anything.”

Marco gets up from his chair. “I’ll show you the way.”

You grab the tray; it’s not heavy, but your hands are shaking.

“Let me carry it upstairs…” Marco smiles, seeing your nervousness. He wants to help you, just like his dad wanted to help you when you were carrying the plant.

“I’m good. I can handle it.”

He starts climbing the stairs; you slowly – very slowly – follow him. You can’t spill this coffee. It will not look good. Chiara will notice it.

The doors on the first floor are all white. You assume the door decorated with fairy lights leads to Chiara’s bedroom. You are correct because Marco approaches it and knocks while you are on the final step.

“Go away!” you hear Chiara’s voice.

You stand still, looking at her brother who shakes his head, inviting you to step up with a hand gesture.

He knocks again.

You can hear Mattia saying something.

“It’s open.” Chiara changes her mind.

You are glad that Marco is still next to you because you can’t open the door while holding the tray. He does it for you.

You already felt like an intruder while walking up the stairs, but now… as you see the room and… Mattia sitting on the bed with his daughter next to him, her head on his chest…

He gasps seeing you. The girl freezes.

“I brought you something to eat,” you say, entering and focusing on the tray.

Your hands shake like crazy. You spot a white desk close to the door, so you quickly head over there. By some miracle you manage not to spill the coffee.

You put the tray on the desk… What now?

The room is mostly white. It makes you think of innocence and pureness. There’s a shelf with a bunch of shoes that look new. The room is decorated with dozens of colourful photographs. You see landscapes, Chiara with her friends, with family members perhaps. There’s a mirror in the corner, a large plant next to it and a white rug on the floor that reminds you of your fluffy white blanket, but you really shouldn’t think of Mattia’s desk right now…

“Thank you,” Mattia says, drawing your attention.

You turn to him and you see it again – the thing you never experienced in your life. A dad holding his daughter in his arms. His teenage daughter who probably still “hates” him, but she’s clinging to him like a small child.

“You’re welcome.” You smile to Mattia, but you can’t ignore the girl. “Hi, I’m Cindy.” You take a step forward, extending your hand.

“Hi.” She is still wearing pyjamas. Looks like she wanted to boycott her dad’s visit, but now she’s not moving away from him even for an inch.

She shakes your hand. No, you shake her hand, because she’s quite passive.

“Can I talk to my dad alone?” When you look at her face from up close, you realize that she was crying.

“Of course. Don’t forget to eat.” You look at Mattia once again.

There’s a sinking feeling in your stomach as you’re leaving the room. It’s not jealousy. And yet… it is. But it’s not about Mattia. You envy Chiara because she has a father who hugs her… He ignored everyone; forgot about food, left you alone downstairs, just to comfort his daughter.

Does she know how lucky she is? Even though he’s always busy, he loves her so much…

So many painful memories of your father start resurfacing in your mind. The desperation to talk to him when he was sober, to seek any contact with a man who was supposed to protect his little girl…

“Are you okay?” Sabina meets you downstairs; she’s carrying more coffee.

“I’m fine.” You put on a fake smile. “They want to be alone.”

“I hope she wasn’t rude.”

“It was okay. You were right to send me there. At least that’s out of the way. The next time we see each other, it should be easier.”

* * *

You’re drinking your second cup of coffee when Mattia finally shows up in the dining room.

“My apologies,” he says, placing a hand on your shoulder. A bit of warmth just for you.

“Have you eaten anything?” Sabina asks.

“Two bread rolls, because Chiara wasn’t hungry.”

“Would you like a bit of casserole?”

“I’m full.” He checks his watch. “We will have to leave soon.”

“Would you like another cup of coffee?”

“Maybe a half.” He sits down next to you.

Isn’t it strange how different the world seems when he is close? You don’t feel the need to talk or act in any way. You just pay attention to him, not always looking directly at him, but being aware of his every move.

“I’m glad you came to the room,” he says, turning slightly to you. “Chiara is upset today, because of me, and because she’s worried about the quarantine. I hope you’ll forgive her.”

You shake your head. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

* * *

You spend around ten minutes chatting before Mattia decides that it’s time to leave.

“Can I use the toilet?” you ask.

“Of course. I’ll show you the door,” Sabina offers help. You follow her, hearing Mattia and Marco having a chat in the corridor behind you.

“Dad, I’m impressed,” Marco says, quietly, but not quietly enough.

“Oh… thank you,” Mattia sounds pleased.

You close the door to the toilet, your ears smarting. If only Mattia’s daughter was as friendly as her brother.

What if her attitude toward you will never change?

You leave the bathroom. Mattia’s already at the door, getting a hug from his ex-wife.

“Stay safe, I beg you. And remember to rest.”

“I’ll try.”

“Have a safe journey.” Marco gives his dad a strong handshake, but Mattia pulls him into a hug. Marco is not a small boy, but his dad is still taller. Like a proper dad.

When the family notices you, they approach you to say goodbye to you as well. They hug you too, but the hugs are different. Less emotional, gentle, still nice though.

“Remember to go easy with the toilet paper, ha-ha,” Mattia says, opening the door, ready to leave. “Thank you for the breakfast. I’ll call when we’re in Australia.”

“Please, do.”

“Goodbye,” you feel like you said it ten times already.

The door is open. You want to get out as soon as possible. There’s too many people around…

“Dad! Dad! Wait!” Chiara appears out of nowhere. She runs down the corridor and throws herself into Mattia’s arms. “Promise me you will be back soon.”

Mattia sighs, closing his arms around her. “I will be back soon, I promise.”

Everyone is staring. It doesn’t feel right. You feel an urge to turn their attention to something else. You notice the desert rose standing on a small table in the corner. “I hope the Adenium will grow.”

“We will take good care of it. It’s so peculiar, we want to display it in the garden, when the weather gets a bit warmer.”

Mattia leans away from his daughter. “I love you,” he says, pressing his lips to her head. “I’ll call you when I can.”

She doesn’t respond, but as she slowly turns, her gaze pauses on the plant that you gifted to her mother.

“Is that a desert rose?” she asks.

“Yes!” you reply, louder than you intended.

“I heard that it’s dangerously toxic…” the girl adds before walking away.

“Well… so you better don’t eat it,” Sabina shouts after her, but Chiara’s already gone. “I’m sorry…”

“Is it true? Is it toxic?”

“Yes, but… we can handle it.”

“We should go.” You feel Mattia’s hand on your back. “Thank you again. See you soon.”

The car’s not far away, but Mattia still feels the need to take your hand. “Are you okay?”

“I didn’t know that it’s toxic. I should’ve checked.”

“It’s not a big deal. They don’t have pets.”

Even the loving thumb is not enough to comfort you. Especially since Mattia is forced to let go of your hand when you are getting into the car.

You put the seatbelt on, trying to relax. You haven’t told Mattia about your conversation with your mother yet. He seems to have forgotten about it which is fine by you. The last thing you want right now is to have an argument with him.

He pulls away, and soon the house of Sabina and his children disappears from your sight.

“Don’t take it personally, love,” Mattia says, his voice soft but serious. “She was unhappy with me. Because I’m a crappy dad.”

You turn to look at him; he really means it. “You have no idea, Mattia…” you say, your voice cracking. “You don’t even know how bad it can be. How bad it is for many girls. Take me for example. I wish my father didn’t exist…”

He touches your hand, frowning. He needs to focus on driving. “I’m sorry for what happen to you. But I still think that I can do a better job. And Chiara is not wrong to expect more from me.”

You feel tears coming to your eyes. You blink trying to stop them before Mattia can notice anything.

“I think she’s lucky,” you say.

Mattia glances at you, suspiciously, because he can hear that you’re getting choked up. “I don’t blame her for wanting more time with you. I’m just a bit… upset because I keep thinking about my own father and it just makes me… furious and sad.”

Mattia pulls to the side of the road and stops the car. “He’s not here,” he says, undoing the seatbelt and turning to you. “I’m here…” he grasps your chin, looking at you intently.

You want to say something, but you can’t find the right words.

Mattia leans closer and kisses you gently.

Yes, that’s better. That’s enough.

“You’re not a little girl anymore,” he says, caressing your cheek. “But if there’s a need, I will protect you.”

If there’s a need? Isn’t it the biggest thing you’ve been missing your whole life?

“I will keep you safe,” he whispers before kissing you again.


	24. Boomerang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You fly to Melbourne for the first round of the 2020 Formula 1 Championship. While a new virus is spreading around the globe, you become bedridden suffering from a different illness. You discover something about Charlotte's father, while Mattia discovers something about you that almost destroys your relationship (*wink wink*).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while, apologies. And huge thanks for the comments and the constant support. Binoholics, you are amazing!

“I’m back” he says, returning to his seat on board of the charter plane.

“Welcome back, mister Obvious. Was there a queue to the toilet?” You look him up and down as he sits down next to you.

“I just needed to talk to a couple of people.” He fixes his fluffy curls with his hand throwing a glance at you. “How’s the book?”

You look at your lap. “Good question. Every time I open it, I keep getting distracted by my own thoughts.”

“What thoughts?” He shifts a bit closer, grasping your hand.

You feel warm shivers, feeling his hot skin. His hands are a lot bigger than yours, his fingers much longer. Despite being small compared to him, in almost all aspects, you don’t feel dominated. You have your own power. The power that turned this tall, slender man into a boomerang. He has many responsibilities, many colleagues he needs to talk to, but he always returns to you.

“I was just thinking that I don’t know if I should be happy or sad, but at least that COVID disaster turned people’s attention away from the confidential settlement with the FIA.”

He leans back, taking a deep breath. You wait a moment, but he doesn’t seem to want to comment.

“Do you want to take a nap?” you ask softly, moving your hand to caress his forearm.

“I wish! I’m sure the moment I close my eyes Gino will show up asking questions.”

“Let’s switch places and I will protect you.”

He hesitates, but only for a moment.

He takes the seat by the window. You check the aisle right and left before taking the other seat, ready to glower at a first person that will appear in your sight.

Mattia’s hand seeks yours again. He got used to feeling your presence when falling asleep.

Will he be able to drowse off with all the thoughts and worries that are running through his mind? What will happen with this race? What if someone in the paddock gets sick? What if someone at Ferrari gets sick? What will happen with Italy? What will happen with the world?

At least he can rest his tired eyes. They seem redder every day.

His fingers stop moving and you wonder if he fell asleep. You sit still, keeping an eye on the aisle, and soon – just as Mattia predicted – you see Gino approaching your seat. You press an index finger to your lips, shaking your head. Seeing your protective gaze, he stops, turns around and walks away.

You don’t care if you overstep your authority. You don’t care who shows up next. Even if it’s Jean Tod’s son or even Jean Todt himself – they will have to wait. The king needs to rest.

* * *

He blinks a couple of times, turning his head to study your face. “It’s just a turbulence,” he says, his voice soothing.

“I know…” You follow the instruction to fasten your seat belt.

“You looked so tense,” Mattia too reaches to his belt.

“Because I have to pee…” you grimace.

“Oh.”

No need to explain to him that you decided to hold it in because you didn’t want to wake him up by letting go of his hand.

“Make a run for it,” he whispers.

“I have no other choice. Wish me luck!” You unbuckle yourself, stealing a kiss from your man before you dart to the toilet.

* * *

As you’re returning to your seat, you stumble accross Silvia.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Why?”

“You look pale.”

“No, I’m fine.”

You continue walking toward your seat. Just as you feared, Mattia is already gone.

The seat by the window is still warm as you take it. Maybe you should finally read that book?

“Hi, I just saw you walking by…”

You look up; it’s Charles’ girlfriend Charlotte, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi! Sit down, please. Mattia just finished a power nap. He’ll probably want to check on everyone.”

Charlotte’s sits down next to you. “I’ve seen a flight attendant getting irritated with him; they don’t like when people move around.”

“I didn’t know you were flying with the team,” you say. “I assume Charles is here as well.”

“Yes, of course. And my dad,” she lowers her voice, turning to check if nobody approaches. “Because now is the best time to travel.” She shakes her head. “Anyway, how are you?”

“I’m getting a bit claustrophobic, to be honest,” you admit.

“You look pale. Maybe you should eat something.” She reaches to her pocket. “Here, it’s from Andrea, Charles’ physio.” She hands you a wrapped muesli bar.

You’re not hungry, but you accept the gift.

“Go ahead, eat it.”

You don’t want to be rude, so you unpack the bar and you take a bite. “Are you trying to adjust to the time zone?”

“There’s no point.”

“You think so?”

“We can always go to the hotel and take a nap during the day. It’s not like they need us in the paddock when they are working.”

“That’s true.” You take another bite.

“Where are you staying?” Charlotte asks.

“Bayview Eden.”

“Same us me and Charles. And my dad, but he has a separate room.” Her face changes again when she speaks about her father.

“Charles’ mum didn’t want to join?”

“She’s with Arthur, Charles’ younger brother. She’s also wise enough to know that it’s better to stay home during a pandemic.”

“I am amazed that the GP is still on. We can all get sick and we will only know after a week because apparently the virus can…”

“Oh, hello!” Mattia appears and you lose the train of thought.

“I am in your seat,” Charlotte jumps to her feet. “Sorry, I only wanted to say hi.”

“Thank you for the snack.” You wave with the wrapping.

“No problem. I hope it helped. See you later.”

“Bye.”

Mattia sits down, frowning. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, I just want to be in Melbourne already.”

The sexy boomerang grasps your hand. “Your fingers are cold.”

“I’m sure you can fix that.”

He sends you a delicate smile. “I just found out that the media hours tomorrow will most likely be cancelled.”

“Lucky you.”

“I still have that car promo that I have to go to in the evening.”

“Who’s going with you? Sebastian or Charles?”

“Charles.”

“Is Sebastian on board with us?”

“I think he’s already in Australia.”

“I can’t wait to see him.”

“First thing you will do when we get to Melbourne is to check into our hotel and you will get at least five hours of sleep.”

“Is that an order?”

“Yes.”

“What if I disobey?”

“You will be punished.”

You smile, leaning back. “I love when you punish me…”

“Why are your hands still cold?” He frowns; he seems genuinely concerned.

“Do I look pale to you?”

“You do, actually.”

“I feel all right. Maybe my head feels a little hot, but… that’s it.”

He touches your forehead with the back of his hand. “You can’t get sick.”

“Is that an order too?”

“I’m not joking. If you get sick, we’re in trouble.”

* * *

_Melbourne, Wednesday_

He’s pulling you by a hand, the luggage in his other hand, his favourite bag hanging over his shoulder.

“Am I walking too fast?” He slows down, looking at you. “I just want to leave the airport. It doesn’t feel safe.”

It seems as if you were the older one… Every step you take is causing a burst of pain above your right eye. The intensity keeps growing, making you nauseous.

“It was such a long flight, I forgot how to walk,” you say, forcing a smile.

“You must be sleepy.”

Yes, you want to lie down, because moving makes the headache worse.

He’s on the phone the moment you get into a car; a personal driver will drive you to your hotel. Mattia’s speaking Italian, while you stare out the window, trying not to puke. The headache is smaller when you close your eyes, but then the nausea gets worse.

Normally you would be amazed by the city; you’re in Australia, so far away from home. You would admire the views, enjoy the sharp sun and the scent in the air, wondering if you can smell the ocean… But now you’re in a survival mode.

You take shallow breaths because none of your senses is working correctly and even the smallest stimulus makes you extremely sick. The subtle smells, the light reflected in windows… the way your head bobs every time the driver brakes.

You weren’t aware that the track is so far away from the airport.

Mattia is not wasting time. He makes another call. “Bonjour, Louis.”

Mattia speaking French is such a turn on… in normal circumstances. You feel like moaning, but not with pleasure. You just pray to get out of that car.

Melbourne is so big… where’s that Albert Park? Will you ever get there? The hotel is nearby. Is it traffic hours? Doesn’t feel like it. A red light again…

“We’re in trouble.”

You look up, realizing the words were directed to you. Even that small movement causes you to grimace with pain.

“What happened?”

“We have to shut down Gestione Sportiva.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet. I hope the race will be cancelled.”

You close your eyes for a few seconds. Everyone has already seen video reports from Italy. The overcrowded hospitals, exhausted doctors, and nurses covered in burns and blisters after days of wearing protective gear…

Why is anyone expecting Ferrari to go about their usual business as if it was just a minor inconvenience?

Mattia sighs, scratching his head. “This event is a huge mistake.”

* * *

He doesn’t know that you are sick. He thinks you’re just sleepy because you couldn’t sleep during the flight.

You clumsily undress when he is taking a shower. You put on your sleeping clothes and you clamber into the bed. It takes a few minutes of lying still with your eyes closed before you can finally think clearly.

Yes, you can survive this. If you don’t move, it’s bearable.

“First time is always exhausting, ha-ha,” he says, leaving the bathroom. “You will feel better after a nap.”

You wish you had the energy to prepare fresh clothes for him. He can handle it himself.

You will just lay still… trying to breath slowly…

“Call me when you’re up, okay?” He wakes you up from a shallow quasi-sleep, touching your face. You feel his lips on your temple; two blissful seconds without pain, but then he moves away and leaves the room.

* * *

A distant ringing irritates your ears. You want to dive back into the deep unconsciousness, but the annoying sound won’t allow it. You are trying to pinpoint it; maybe it’s not that far. If only you could move… If only you weren’t that heavy and weak… You must do something about it, or you’ll get no rest.

The moment you open your eyes, the headache comes back in full force. Hissing with pain, you clench your eyelids.

Your phone stops ringing. It takes you a while to gather your thoughts and to discover that it’s already dark outside.

Mattia spent the entire afternoon in the paddock or somewhere else in Melbourne, supervising the installation day.

You were supposed to only take a nap. He’s probably worried.

Using all the willpower you can muster; you reach for the phone. The bright light of the screen makes you wince.

Just as you expected, Mattia was trying to call you three times already. You quickly call him back.

“I thought I was the busy one.”

“I was asleep and couldn’t hear the phone.”

“I wanted to take you for a dinner, but you weren’t picking up.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I can get you something.”

“No… I’m good…”

He stays quiet for a moment. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes, okay?”

“Okay. See you soon.”

* * *

You are staying in a king suit. When you first got here, you were too sick to look around. It’s two large rooms, and a bathroom with a bathtub.

When Mattia returns, you force yourself to get up from the bed. The air feels cold, so you put a bathrobe on top of your pyjamas.

“I had a bad headache when we landed,” you say, sitting down on a couch next to him, as he’s opening his bag to go through some documents.

“Is there a good headache?” he smiles, glancing up for a quick moment before looking down at a piece of paper again.

“What?”

“You said you had a bad headache and I asked…” He looks at you again, frowning. “Oh, my sweet praline… come over here.” He lifts his arm, waiting for you to cuddle up to him. “Are you nauseous too?”

“I was, but now it’s a bit better.”

His scent, unlike most others, doesn’t irritate you, though it feels incomplete as if some part of your nose was not working properly.

“You should eat something.”

“In the morning.”

His warm hand stops on your forehead. “You don’t seem to have a fever.”

“I think it’s just a migraine.”

“Aren’t you too young for migraines?”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you.”

“Oh, look, she smiles.” He chuckles before pressing a couple of delicate kisses to your face.

You keep smiling because it tickles.

“Oh no…” you moan, the expression on your face changing.

“What?”

“I think I just got my period. Pardon for a second…”

He lets you go. “At least we know that you’re not pregnant.”

“No, I’m just unfit for traveling.”

“Or… you’re just a young woman who worries too much.”

You reach the bathroom. Do you worry too much? You don’t want him to think that way. But what if it’s true?

You keep telling yourself that whatever will happen, will never be comparable to what you already survived in the past. You always believed that the traumatic experiences made you stronger, but…

What if they just made you numb, and now Mattia reinvigorated you with his love… And accidentally made you re-discover that you suck at dealing with emotions?

Through the bathroom door you hear him make a phone call.

“Hi, sweetheart…” his voice is soft and full of love.

There’s only one other person who he addresses this way apart from you. His daughter.

You’re glad that he remembered to call his family despite being so busy and probably very tired.

You wouldn’t remember… You are so… useless… A dead weight. Too cold to warm up his bed…

Ah, it must be the period talking. You’re not going to fall for it. You will feel better tomorrow. If not, you will force yourself to eat something and you will focus on surviving another day.

You’re the first in bed, even though you already spent more than six hours in it. Mattia joins you after taking a shower. You’re already half-asleep and cautiously optimistic because nothing hurts. The painkillers should kick in by the time the period cramps begin.

“Sleep…” he whispers, when lying down next to you.

You want him closer, if only for the next five maybe six hours. Your warm, loving boomerang.

* * *

_Thursday_

You wake up alone in bed. The nausea returns in an instant. Awareness means suffering. You close your eyes; it gets slightly better.

“Mattia?”

The room is silent. You force yourself to get up.

The bed is huge, but Mattia is gone, so there’s no advantage to it.

The sliding door between the bedroom and the living room is closed; Mattia must have closed it before he left.

It’s almost nine. You didn’t wake up when he was leaving. You spent too much time in bed already – the different time zone is irrelevant – but you’re far from feeling well rested.

You feel rather as if someone was sticking needles into your skull, right above your right eye.

You open the sliding door; your gaze sweeping over the room before fixing on a small round table. Next to a bouquet of fresh flowers, you spot a tray with two deliciously looking cup cakes and a small card: “Eat us. And call your Italian stallion when you wake up.”

You grin, realizing that your reaction is exactly what Mattia wanted to achieve.

Cupcakes for breakfast? Yes, please. You take a bite, feeling guilty to ruin such a work of art.

They taste… they don’t taste.

You eat one only because Mattia asked you to, but you wish you could enjoy it at least a bit.

Squinting and grimacing, you approach the window overlooking the Albert Park.

The track is within walking distance. Maybe a breath of fresh air will bring you back to life? If only the headache wasn’t so excruciating…

The idea of going back to bed makes you sick. You already feel pain in all your bones from rotting in one place. Especially since you’ve been on a plane for so many hours.

You need a moment to look for your phone. You find it in the bathroom.

To your surprise, Mattia picks up immediately.

“I’m awake,” you inform him.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’ll live.”

“I just had a chat with Charles and Charlotte. The atmosphere is strange down here. Everyone is worried and anxious. People can’t believe that we are still planning to race.”

“So… the media day is going ahead as planned?”

“More or less. Sebastian is not happy, and neither is Charles. We’re waiting for someone to make the call, but… the promoters are determined to keep going and the FIA and the Formula 1 management have no legal right to cancel the event.”

“A pandemic is not enough?”

“That’s the problem. Local medical authorities are still giving us the green light.”

“I think I’ll take a bath now. I’m sure I will feel much better if I take a walk. I might even get to the paddock.”

“I took your pass with me by accident.”

“Leave it to Silvia if you’re busy. I’ll call her when I’m near.”

“I have a better idea. I’ll pick you up at noon and we’ll have a lunch together.”

“In the paddock?”

“Yes.”

“That sounds great.”

You spend almost half an hour in hot water, unsure if the bath salts smell weird or if your nose is still malfunctioning.

Once you put some fresh clothes on and you sit behind your laptop, you almost feel normal. Almost. Only your neck is stiff, and you feel as if your forehead was pressing on your eyes.

You check a photo gallery from the paddock, curious to see if the tense atmosphere is visible on photographs.

What you find is a photo of Mattia shamelessly manspreading in front of the Ferrari hospitality unit. Charlotte is sitting next to him, looking fresh and healthy. Not like you…

Mattia’s hair is a bit messy and his eyes are puffy. His body is affected by the travel and the circumstances, but his mind is probably as sharp as ever.

He’s been here many times before. He knows the drill. The only unknown is the COVID virus - the invisible threat that caused the entire Italy to shut down. Did you escape it? Or is it already here?

On another photo Mattia is sitting with Nicolas Todt and Gino Rosato.

You would love to see Mattia interact with Sebastian more. You recall the great events that happened so far this year – the Che Tempo Che Fa talk show and the joint interview during winter testing, where Mattia and Sebastian kept saying nice things about one another.

You want them to get along. You are Sebastian’s fan and you know how much he craves Mattia’s support. Full support and trust. Mattia seems to be perfect at giving Charles the attention that he needs, but there’s something about Sebastian that keeps him on his toes. He’s… cautious. Reserved around him. Like a proper boss, but he doesn’t seem to be having the same attitude around his other subordinates.

You tell yourself that it’s because Mattia is a team principal before everything else. Ferrari’s interest is his first concern. He will have to negotiate a new contract with Sebastian soon. That must be the reason why he prefers to distance himself from Sebastian. And his driver seems to be doing the same. Once they shake their hands in agreement, their friendship will finally have a chance to flourish.

As your eyes dart from one part of the screen to the other, the headache grows stronger.

You wince, slowly turning the laptop off.

You need to go for a walk. Now. If that won’t help, you will have to cancel the lunch with Mattia. It would be a real shame if you started vomiting in the Ferrari café. Puking is not one of the COVID symptoms, but you don’t want anyone to speculate whether you’re pregnant or hang over.

You put a pair of sneakers on, a cardigan and you leave the hotel suite.

* * *

A quarter later, you’re back in the hotel lobby, trying to walk straight and avoid drawing too much attention.

You tried to move; it didn’t work. You need more rest to beat this thing… whatever this is.

You push the elevator button. The headache is growing again; you must sit down and close your eyes to fight nausea.

There’s a small bench nearby. You hobble to it and plop down, grimacing. As you’re massaging your temples, the elevator door opens. There’s a couple inside, breaking a kiss, but still smiling. A young woman that looks familiar…

You quickly look away recognizing the man. You hunch down on the bench, trying to make yourself as small as possible.

The man steps away from the woman. As they leave the lobby, he turns left while she goes right without even looking at him.

You hurry to get into the elevator before it closes.

“Cindy… wait!”

Hearing Charlotte’s voice, you reach out to hold the door. The sudden movement feels like a drill to the skull.

“Was my father here?”

Oh, great…

“Yes, you just missed him.”

“Was he alone?” Charlotte joins you in the elevator and the door closes.

“No,” you say, feeling like a fox trapped in a burning forest.

You can feel Charlotte’s stare on your face; can she read your expression? You look her shortly in the eye.

“Was he with someone from the team?” she asks, her voice small.

“I think I’ve seen the girl somewhere.”

“A girl?”

“Around my age.”

Charlotte clenches her jaw. “I hate him…” she grunts; tears start filling her eyes.

The elevator stops at your floor. You slide a hand under Charlotte’s arm. “Let’s go.”

As you’re heading to your king suite, she starts crying. You are trying to come up with something that would console her, but the truth is – there is nothing you can do apart from making sure nobody bothers her in this moment of vulnerability.

“I knew he was cheating on mum…” she sobs. “But to use my boyfriend’s work… Was the girl one of Valentina’s assistants?”

“Oh, yes. You’re right. She’s always in the Ferrari F1 club.”

“He was talking with her on the plane. Shouldn’t she be working?”

“I guess her shift starts later.”

“She must know that he is married!”

“I’m sorry…”

“You have to tell Mattia everything. She should be fired!”

You hesitate.; you already know what Mattia will say. He can’t fire someone for what they do after and before work. Especially since Emmanuel Siné doesn’t even work for Ferrari. “I will mention it…”

The girl wipes her eyes with a hand, smudging the eyeliner. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Do you feel safe to confront him?”

Charlotte sniffles. “If I tell him that you are my witness, he will laugh.”

“Yeah, I can imagine…”

“Now it all makes sense.” Charlotte’s gaze shifts to your face. “I never understood why he was so mean to you. I thought that he just wanted to please Charles’ mum. You probably know that Pascale was not a big fan of your friend. When I started dating Charles, the first months she kept saying how perfect I was compared to that Jess. When my dad learned about you…” She shakes her head, her gaze drifting off. “I remember his first reaction when I told him that you are Mattia’s girlfriend. He was… envious. He wanted a young girl to himself!”

“But Mattia was already divorced when we met…”

A wary expression appears on Charlotte’s face. “I don’t know what to do. If I tell my mum, she’ll be heartbroken… She will have to divorce him, right?” She looks at you, seeking answers that you don’t have.

“I don’t know. It’s not my call to make.”

Charlotte buries her face in her hands. You worry that she’ll start crying again, but she’s sitting still.

“I can only imagine the chaos in your head right now,” you say. “If you want any advice, remember that you are your own person. You’re an adult. Whatever your parents do, it’s their world. You are building your own. They will support you, for sure, but they don’t define your future anymore.”

She moves her hands away, straightening her back. “You’re right. I will tell Charles what happened, and we’ll confront my father together. I don’t want to implicate you so, if anyone asks, I saw him and the girl with my own eyes.”

“They separated in the lobby and he turned left while she went right.”

She nods. “Thank you for sitting with me.”

“No problem… And I’m sorry. I don’t have the best relations with my father, so I know what it feels like.”

“I never liked the way he treated you. And Pascale. You didn’t deserve it.”

“It’s okay. It didn’t bother me.”

Charlotte gets up, fixing her clothes. “I wish I were as strong and collected as you.”

You almost burst out laughing, but you don’t want to ruin her illusion. “You are doing great, in my opinion.”

“Thank you.” She hugs you.

You manage to smile as you walk her to the door.

When she leaves and you're finally alone, you grimace hard. You managed to hide the fact that you are feeling like shit, but you can’t pretend anymore.

“Fuck…” you growl.

You feel like vomiting, but you know that it won’t help because you don’t have stomach issues.

You nearly collapse on the way to the bed. When you finally lie down, you close your eyes, breathing in and out slowly and waiting for the room to stop spinning.

After a couple of painful minutes, you calm down. The only thing you have to suffer now is the headache. It’s bad, like invisible spikes puncturing your brain from multiple directions.

Some time later, you hear the door open.

“You ready?!”

“I’m dying…”

Your eyes still closed; you hear Mattia enter the bedroom. “What’s going on?”

Don’t be soft… Don’t cry… Don’t be a child!

“It’s just…” your voice breaks.

You open your eyes; they are full of tears already. Mattia’s next to you, leaning down to take a good look at you. His hand cups your jaw.

“Just a headache…”

“I will call our doctor.” He shifts to grab his phone.

* * *

The doctor is an older gentleman with grey hair and rectangular glasses. He’s not wearing a white coat, but a Ferrari team uniform. His bag looks like a training bag.

The sliding door remains open when he is doing checks on you. Mattia is constantly on the phone, speaking mostly French.

You notice him pausing in the doorway, exactly when the doctor asks you to take your shirt off.

You undress, feeling the stare of only one man. The one who has the right to stare at you, while the doctor is fiddling with the stethoscope.

Mattia leans against the doorframe, the phone pressed to his ear.

Despite your miserable situation, you find it endearing that he feels the need to keep an eye on a doctor.

“Take a few deep breaths,” the doctor says, pressing the stethoscope to that part of your breast that is not covered by the bra.

“Oui, bien…” Mattia says, turning around and disappearing in the other room.

“All sounds good here,” the older man says a minute later. “And you don’t have fever, so it’s definitely not COVID.”

“I was just tested.”

Mattia shows up in the doorway again. “So?” he asks, looking at the doctor.

“She’s just stressed. You should do a routine blood test and a CAT scan of her head, just in case, when we’re back in Italy. I will give her something to relief the tension. And hopefully her appetite will come back.”

Mattia walks up to the bed, while the doctor prepares a syringe.

“Can someone keep an eye on her?”

“I’ll stay with her.”

“But… you have to work…” you say.

The doctor sits next to you, preparing your arm to give you a shot.

“I’m not going back to the paddock. You probably missed the news, but one person at McLaren was just confirmed COVID positive, and there’s a couple more people with symptoms.”

The shot doesn’t hurt a bit compared to what you’ve suffered up to this point.

Mattia keeps staring at the syringe, without even flinching. “We’re not going to race. I ordered the guys to start packing. Sebastian’s already on his way to the airport.”

“So, the weekend got cancelled?”

“No, but I won’t wait for the organizers or our governing body to grow balls… I’m not putting my people in danger. I don’t care about points when people’s health is at stake.”

“I am stunned that it’s taking so long to cancel this event,” the doctor joins the conversation. “McLaren has already withdrawn. More teams must follow suit.”

“That’s exactly what I did. Guenther and Cyril agree with me, but Christian, Franz and Toto are playing tough.”

“Toto?” the doctor snorts. “I’m not sure if his star driver agrees with him. You can lie down now.”

The man packs his tools. "Try to eat something when you can," he says.

“Thank you.” You and Mattia say simultaneously. The doctor leaves.

Maybe it’s the shot already working, or maybe it’s Mattia’s gaze, because as he keeps looking at you, you can feel the headache slowly going away. And there’s a sense of peace spreading in your body like a warm wave.

“I will close the door because I have a couple calls to make,” Mattia says, grasping your hand. “I hope the noise won’t bother you.”

“I don’t mind. It feels nice knowing that you’re just a few steps away.”

He smiles, touching your face.

When you close your eyes, you feel almost normal. Just weak. You sense that Mattia got up from the bed. His delicate lips touch your forehead. You quickly open your eyes because you crave a proper kiss from him.

You put a hand at the back of his head, and you make sure his lips are in your reach.

You kiss him, and he kisses you back, but he straightens up quickly.

“You can make phone calls from here,” you suggest, shifting on the bed, desperate to keep him as close as possible.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

* * *

As usual, Mattia keeps fidgeting. He brought his laptop to the bed, and his two phones, creating a mess next to you, but you’re just chilling, enjoying the sound of his voice without paying attention to what he is saying.

After a few seconds of silence, you hear him sigh.

When you open your eyes, you can see that he has no socks on, only jeans and a white singlet.

“I still need to go to that car promo,” he says.

“I forgot about your suit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He gets up from the bed.

Your eyes follow him as he approaches the big closet. The suit is hanging inside. He must have put it there himself.

“So Seb is gone, but Charles had to stay because of that event?”

“Yes. Can I ask Laurent to stay with you when I’m gone?”

“Ask Charles if Charlotte is still around.”

“Charlotte? Are you two becoming friends?”

“Maybe… We had a chat about her father. I will explain some other time.”

“Okay.” The iron looks small in Mattia’s hand. He irons a fresh white shirt in silence.

He looks so calm. The sight of the naughty curl on his forehead makes you smile.

“What?”

“I saw a photo of you manspreading in the paddock in the morning.”

“And?”

“Mister Binotto, you have no shame.”

“I strongly disagree. I am a very modest person.”

“Then why is your fly open?”

When he checks his crotch, you burst out laughing. You were just joking; his jeans are zipped up properly.

“I see you’re getting better.”

“Yes.”

“That’s great to hear.”

A pleased smile slowly fades away from your lips. “Mattia?”

“Yes?”

“You told everyone to pack, but… where are we supposed to go now? What if this race will actually happen and then the next one?”

He does his usual quick head shake. “I don’t care. We’re going home.”

* * *

He’s leaving you again, but that’s okay.

You smile in your sleep, feeling blessed that the headache is gone. You can finally rest.

You wake up some time later remembering about your period. It’s about time to change your tampon.

The door to the bedroom is slightly open. You glance into the other room just to see that Charlotte, covered with a blanket, is taking a nap on the couch.

You back off quietly because you don’t want to disturb her sleep.

* * *

You wake up; Mattia is talking to someone in the other room.

He’s speaking French. A soft female voice answers, making your feel nervous before you realize that it’s just Charlotte.

They share a laugh. Sounds like Charles is in the room too.

Soon enough it gets quiet.

Mattia slides the bedroom door open.

“Hi, how’s my Cinderella?” he asks, noticing that you are awake.

“She’s… drowsy…” Your head seems heavy, but at least it doesn’t hurt. “How did the car presentation go?”

“Charles drove the car onto the stage. I was just his passenger. We had a glass of champagne. It tasted nice, but it was too warm.”

Mattia walks up to the bed. You can’t wait to feel his touch.

Someone knocks on the door.

“That’s probably the doctor. I asked him to check on you again. We are not leaving yet, but I want to make sure you are strong enough when we do.”

You smile faintly when the man enters.

“Better?”

“Yes.”

“Have you eaten anything?”

“No… I was sleeping…”

Mattia is using the coffee machine in the other room. The smell of freshly ground coffee reaches the bedroom where the doctor is giving you another shot in the arm.

“It feels nice,” you mumble. “I think I will go back to sleep.”

* * *

“Honey? I’m sorry for waking you up, but I’m leaving. Jean Todt just arrived at the Corona Hotel. He wants to meet with all the team bosses. I will send someone to check on you if I don’t come back soon.”

It’s dark in the bedroom; you can barely see Mattia’s silhouette. His huge hand touches your face, his lips brush your forehead.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“I love you.” He gently kisses you. You can barely taste his lips.

Effortlessly you drift right back into a good sleep.

* * *

You wake up again. Mattia is in the other room, speaking Italian. It’s a phone conversation because you can’t hear the replies.

He sounds upset; every time he swears, he lowers his voice, as if there were children around.

Blinking, you lift yourself up from the bed. You feel a bit stiff, but other than that, you’re great. You don’t even feel the period cramps. But you desperately need to change a tampon.

You get up from the bed and you take a step toward the bathroom door. Something’s not right… How does one walk? Is the room moving?

Trying to prevent a face plant you shift your balance too far back and you land on your butt.

You’re as surprised as Mattia who jumps into the room, alarmed by the noise.

“Ha-ha-ha,” you laugh. “I’m good, I’m good. It was a controlled landing.”

“I’ll call you back later.” Mattia shoves the phone into a pocket. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m peachy. Happy to see you, Matty B.”

He helps you get up, keeping a watchful eye on you. “Are you standing?”

“Yeah, standing is easy. But I really have to go to the toilet…”

“Hold on to me.”

“Oh, gladly, ha-ha. You smell so good…”

“Nice of you to say that because I need a shower. Some of the team bosses are really into cigars.”

You’re not sure how you would’ve gotten to the bathroom without his help. Your legs still don’t seem to remember how to move forward. And walls are attracting you.

“You want me to help with something else?” It sounds like flirting, but he’s serious.

“That would not be appropriate, but… could you hand me a tampon?” You open the toilet seat and you start fiddling with your pyjama pants.

Mattia looks around. The box is right next to him.

“I can handle it,” you say. Your last working brain cell tells you to keep your pants on until he leaves. But he’s not leaving.

“Are you nauseous?”

“No…”

“You look a bit… under influence.”

“What?! Why would you say that? I was sleeping!”

“I was talking about the drug… whatever was in that shot that the doc gave you, it must have relaxed you a bit too much.”

“Ah… fine. Maybe… It’s possible. Feels like it…”

Mattia chuckles looking at your confused face.

“I can change a tampon, don’t worry!”

“Are you sure?”

“A hundred percent, boss!”

He suppresses a smirk before stepping away. He leaves the bathroom, but he keeps the door open.

When he’s gone, you can finally pull your pyjama pants down.

“What would you like to eat?” he asks while you are trying to take care of the messy period business.

“Something salty and sweet.”

He snorts. “I am serious.”

“I want pizza.”

“Okay.”

“And ice cream.”

“Okay.”

“And strawberries.”

He clears his throat. “That should be enough for a late night snack.”

You giggle quietly. “Are you hungry too?”

“No, I had a nice meal a couple hours ago.”

“Have you cancelled the race?”

“No… It doesn’t matter because we are not racing anyway.”

“Right." As you wash your hands, the reflection in the mirror is smiling at you. Wait, no, you are smiling at your reflection. “Are you taking that shower or not?” you ask loudly.

“Why? Do you want to join?”

“I can barely stand straight…”

He shows up in the doorway, shirt unbuttoned, the belt undone.

“Unless… I kneel…” You gape at him, your mouth filling with saliva.

“That’s not an option, my lady. You are not yourself.”

“Hah! I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t want it… But you are not wrong, sir. I am a bit loose… loose-lipped. Shy Cindy is gone, and you know what?”

“What?”

“Can we have sex without a condom when my period ends?”

He sighs, walking up to you. “Your next period perhaps. First you will start taking contraceptives and after at least seven days of taking them, we can do it. But only once.”

You grin, reaching to his zipper.

“Stop that… I'll escort you to the couch. Wait there until they bring your food.”

“But I want a snack now.”

“You won’t have room for all the stuff that I ordered.”

“Can I at least suck you little finger?”

“No!”

You burst out laughing. “I’m just joking…”

“Good.” He kisses the tip of your nose.

You shut up when he is leading you to the room. You must focus on walking. The floor is still surprisingly uneven under your feet.

“I’m going to take a quick shower and I’ll be right with you.”

“Couldn’t you let me stay in the bathroom? I would love to watch.”

“I’m sure there will be another occasion soon.”

You stick out your lower lip like a grumpy child.

* * *

By the time your food arrives, Mattia is already showered. He’s wearing shorts and a white t-shirt. He puts a bathrobe on to open the door. Just as he said, he’s a modest person.

You are huddled on the couch, wrapped in the same blanket that Charlotte was using when she was taking a nap.

The waiter doesn’t even glance in your direction.

“Enjoy the meal,” he says to Mattia.

“Thank you.” Mattia closes the door. “And now you have to start with the ice cream if you don’t want it to melt.”

“With pleasure!”

He hands you a cup and a little spoon.

“Where are my strawberries?”

“Here.”

“Perfect.”

You take a scoop of the ice cream, anxious to find out if you will enjoy the taste. “Mmhm…” you moan. “So good…”

Mattia gives you a suspicious look. He’s preparing fresh clothes for the next day. It’s almost four in the morning, so the next day has already begun, but he’ll obviously lie down for a couple of hours before leaving the hotel again. At least you hope so…

You moan once more because the ice cream is so good, and you also want to tease Mattia a bit. Maybe if he gets aroused, he’ll give up and let you do things to him.

“So…” he clears his throat. “Will you tell me what made you so anxious that you got a migraine?”

“Nothing.” You’re not lying because you simply don’t remember. “Well, maybe the fact that I almost poisoned your family.”

He frowns, checking his brown shoes. “Are you talking about the toxic plant?”

“Highly toxic.”

“Chiara would be jealous of you anyway. With or without the plant.”

“Not jealous,” you shake your head. “Just suspicious. You know who was actually jealous?”

“Who?” He stares at you when you are licking the ice cream off your lips.

“Emmanuel, Charlotte’s father.”

“Oh, really?”

“I caught him kissing with one of Valentina’s assistants in the elevator. I don’t think he saw me. They left, but then Charlotte showed up looking for him. I had to tell her the truth. She was not a happy bunny.”

Mattia stops wiping his shoes. “One of Valentina’s assistants?”

“Charlotte said that it all made sense. He is cheating on his wife with young girls and probably doesn’t feel too good about it. So, no wonder he is envious. You can bang a young girl with God’s blessing.”

Mattia cracks a smile. “I’m not banging you. I love you.”

“Of course, my lord. Pardon my foul mouth.” You dip a strawberry into the ice cream. “Come here.”

He squints at you as if you were planning to attack him with a strawberry. But he decides to trust you. He walks up and sits down next to you.

“Take a bite.”

“I want the whole thing.”

“Would you like to know what I want?”

“I think I know, and I already said no.”

“You won’t get the strawberry then.”

“Fine.” He gets up while you stare at the strawberry in your hand.

Wait, did you just lose the argument?

He approaches the table and looks at the pizza, clearly judging it.

He paid for it, so you can’t really protest if he wants to taste it.

He takes a bite, making a tense face as if he was a jury in a food contest.

“Is it good?”

“It’s okay. Pizza is not that complicated. As long as you don’t put strange things on it like pineapple, it should be all right.” He takes another bite.

“Actually, I like pineapple on pizza,” you say, throwing the strawberry into your mouth.

Mattia gasps, fixing you with a glare.

“What?” you ask with your mouth full.

“You didn’t say that.”

“I said: what.”

Mattia drops what’s left of the pizza slice on the plate, shaking his head. “It’s unforgivable. Ugh, disgusting.”

“Are we talking about the pineapple?”

“I am so disappointed…” He grabs his two phones and heads for the bedroom.

“Are you serious? It’s just a matter of taste.”

He keeps shaking his head. “I am deeply hurt. And I don’t know how to deal with this… revelation. I thought I knew you.”

“Mattia… come on…”

“I think I’ll sleep alone.” He enters the bedroom and closes the door behind.

You are stunned. Simply stunned.

The truth is you can still take advantage of this situation. You will have to beg him to forgive you and that is something that’s best done on one’s knees.

But what if you stay here and sleep on the couch? You know that he doesn’t really want to punish you, so if you accept the punishment, will he feel sorry for you?

You still have two strawberries. You wish he was in the room; you would put them on the pizza. Just to upset him more because then you would have to beg harder...

You get up, carefully. There’s no doubt in your mind that he would run to help you if you tripped, but that’s not your plan. He’s in bed now and that’s where he should be.

You scarf down a slice of pizza, washing it down with a gulp of water. Your stomach clearly shrunk because you’re already full.

* * *

Your mischievous mood falters as you slide the door open. The light in the bedroom is off; you can see Mattia’s silhouette under the duvet. He’s lying on his side; you can only see the back of his head. It’s a dark patch of curls that attracts you. You want to bury your face in it…

But what if he’s sleeping? He wasn’t rotting in bed like you for the last two days. He desperately needs sleep… You will have fun some other time. Now you should just let him rest.

You take a step forward, trying to be as quiet as possible… Another step and you trip over your own shoes. The bed softens your fall.

Mattia moves in the darkness. “You all right?”

“Sorry… I didn’t want to wake you up…”

“I’m too heart broken to sleep.”

Oh, perfect!

You lift the edge of the duvet.

“If you want to sleep in this bed, I am moving to the couch,” he warns you. “I can’t sleep with someone who puts pineapple on pizza.”

“Who is putting pineapple on pizza?”

“You just said that you like it.”

You slowly slip under the cover. “I like it when it’s already there. I don’t put it there.”

“I’m disgusted.” He growls, yanking the duvet toward himself, and not leaving your enough for cover. He lies down and turns to the window. At least he’s not threatening to leave anymore.

“So that’s it?” You rest your head on the pillow. “Will you break up with me because of pineapple?”

He looks so cuddly and warm. You shift closer to him, or rather to the duvet that he wrapped himself with.

“I don’t know. I’m too hurt right now.”

He can probably feel that you’re right behind him. “What if I promised you that I will never eat pizza with pineapple ever again?”

“But you will still secretly like it.”

“I can’t help it. It’s a good combination of sweet and salty…” You whisper, trying to find an opening in the duvet bundle.

“Stop it…”

“Stop what?” Your hand reaches warmer regions.

“Talking about pineapple and pizza.”

You feel Mattia’s hip. He inhales sharply through his nose. Oh, he felt that…

“What do you want me to say?” you continue, your voice getting tense.

When he shifts, you expect him to push your hand away, but he just turns the bedside lamp on and rolls onto his back, letting go of the duvet. And your hand reaches his crotch. Naturally.

“Say that it’s a crime.” He looks at you, pretending not to notice your hand. But his breathing tells your everything you need to know. He's not going to stop you.

“It’s a crime.” You whisper sliding a hand down his shorts.

“And you regret your outrageous opinion.”

“I regret my outrageous opinion.” You see his eyelids flutter as you wrap your fingers around his manhood.

“You will never eat pizza with…” he grimaces.

“I will never eat pizza with pineapple ever again,” you say. “And I will shame everyone who will ever suggest putting pineapple on pizza.”

He closes his eyes, clearly enjoying your touch.

“I can do better, sir,” you say softly.

“I know…”

“You just need to sit up.”

He opens his eyes immediately, looking straight into yours.

He won’t say no to this. He loves it too much.

“I really hope you’re not… drugged because it wouldn’t…” he mumbles, as you fling the duvet off his hips. You’re already drooling.

“I feel much better after a meal,” you assure him. “I’m certainly sober enough to know that pineapple on pizza is a crime.”

He smiles, putting his huge feet on the carpet.

Your legs are wobbly as you walk to the other side of the bed. It’s not the drug though. It’s just arousal.

“I hope you’ll be able to forgive me…” you say, as he pulls the shorts down.

You kneel in front of him, grabbing the fabric to take them off completely.

“I don’t know… it depends on… your skills…”

You wet your lips. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

* * *

It feels right to be kneeling in front of him, feeling his hands in your hair. Finally, you can do something productive.

You can tell that he is tired because you barely started and he’s already on his back. This time he’s not interested in a show. He just wants the relief.

He starts breathing faster, so you move your head faster too. The tension in your own body grows rapidly. You slide a hand between your legs… It wouldn’t be a bad thing to come together.

Groaning, he touches your chin, pushing your head up.

You transfer all the love into your hands, watching him grimace and shudder.

His moan of relief hits your deep but it’s not enough to make you come. You focus on your man, trying to increase and extend his pleasure with little kisses and delicate strokes of your fingers.

He needs time to come back from high heavens.

“I forgive you…” he breathes out after a while.

“I’m relieved.”

“Are you really?”

He props himself on his elbows, looking at you intently.

“Mentally, yes.”

“Right. Hand me my shorts.” When you do, he uses them as a towel and tosses them back on the floor.

“Come over here…” He shifts on the bed, pulling the duvet to cover himself and keeping an edge in his hand to cover you as well after you lie down next to him.

“You had a bad couple of days, didn’t you? I think you deserve some love too.”

He shifts onto his side, his warm hand slides under your shirt.

“I’m on my period…”

“I'm old, but I don't have dementia.” The last thing you see is his amused smile.

He turns the light off. You surrender to his slow, deep kisses and the loving touch of his hand.

It takes a longer while because he’s touching you through the fabric of your pyjamas. He can’t be as precise as he usually is. But the patient stroking pays off.

You moan straight into his mouth while coming, feeling great for the first time since you landed on this continent.

A few minutes later he falls asleep, his huge hand resting on your underbelly.

You lie still, listening to him breathing.

It’s already Friday. The gates to the paddock will soon be open. Team members will arrive to prepare the cars for free practice. But the McLaren garage and the Ferrari garage will remain empty.

We’re already on the back foot since the new engine directives, you think, and now we’re going to lose points because we don’t want to risk getting infected with a virus that paralyzed the entire country.

Mattia moves, his head shifting closer to yours. You use the opportunity to roll onto your side too. He takes a deep breath in. The hand that was on your belly lands on the sheet, a moment later Mattia puts it under his head.

As the sun is slowly rising, you can admire more details of his face.

The lovely hair… the deep lines on his forehead… his eyelashes… his long nose… and big ears… and his soft chin... he needs to shave...

Your love for him consumes you. Every time he looks at you and you see the fondness in his eyes, you are the luckiest woman alive. When he laughs, opening his arms… When he clenches his big hands on your hips… he can do whatever he wants. You are happy to please him.

But whenever his phone rings, you see a sudden change of expression on his face. When you see him fidget during interviews when he struggles to find the right English word… and when he tries to avoid saying things that he cannot say… You hate seeing him under pressure. It wasn’t supposed to be that hard…

He has a job and he also has a private life. But whenever someone criticizes him for something he did or didn’t do, it feels like a personal attack. You can’t help it. Working for Ferrari is his identity. Winning with Ferrari is his dream. If this dream fails, he will have to reinvent himself…

Maybe that’s your final mission. To stay close and wait. And to show him that there’s more to him, much more than just his work. But to succeed in this mission, you must stay close and be patient.

* * *

It feels as if you just lied down and Mattia’s phone is already ringing. Sounds like an SMS.

“Could you… read…” he mumbles, blinking confusedly.

You shift to grab his phone.

“The other one.”

“Okay.” You take the other phone; it’s obviously password protected, but you know the password. “It’s from… Silvia. Ola Källenius convinced Toto to withdraw. The event has been cancelled. The official confirmation should be announced in a couple of hours.”

“Okay, I’m going back to sleep.”

You smile, putting the phone on silent mode. “Sweet dreams, my delicious baguette.”

* * *

The captain leaves the ship last. Only after Mattia makes sure everyone can fly home safely, he is ready to board a plane himself.

It’s already Wednesday when you finally touch down in Milan. The airport is almost empty.

You fully recovered from your unidentified illness, but you still couldn’t sleep on the plane. You can’t sleep in a car either, though your eyes are barely open.

“Why do you have to drive your own car? Can’t it stay in Maranello? We have another car at home…”

“It won’t take long. Besides, I need some stuff from my office.”

The supermarkets are still open, though there’s only a limited number of people that can enter at once. On your way to Maranello you see many queues, people waiting in cars, people waiting in lines for hours, just to buy food…

You keep thinking about it when you are waiting for Mattia in his Ferrari. You don’t have any food supplies… You will have to stock up before you get home, or you’ll be in trouble.

The Gestione Sportiva looks abandoned. You rest your head on the headrest, closing your eyes, and wondering what could be so important, besides his car, that Mattia had to get here…

You jump in your seat when the passenger door opens.

“We’re set,” Mattia says.

As you turn, you notice that the passenger seat is stacked with toilette paper.

“What?” Mattia grins, seeing the confused look on your face. “There’s only a security guard in the building. He doesn’t need that much.”


	25. Locked in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italy is on lock down, and so are Mattia and Cindy. They have more time to spend on their favourite activities. But it's not all wine and roses, because Mattia finds out about Cindy's dad, and he's not happy about her keeping a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally had enough time to finish this chapter! Thank you for your patience. I hope you're all feeling well and that your family and loved ones are healthy. Enjoy this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it.

Mattia keeps filling his silver Ferrari with more food and supplies. “It won’t work,” he grunts, trying to fit the bags and boxes into the car. “We’re going back to Maranello.”

“What?” Your eyes are barely open, but you can’t doze off in a sitting position.

“I’m sorry, honey. You’ll be in bed in an hour. Or two. I promise.”

When he uses the ‘dad voice’, you know it’s better not to argue.

Half an hour later you are sitting in a red Alfa Romeo Stelvio; the back seat is empty because all the baggage and food easily fit in the trunk.

“Now we can do more shopping,” Mattia says, sprawling on the leather seat. Finally, a car suitable for his size.

“I can’t believe you can just take a random car from the factory,” you say.

Mattia laughs. “Because I can’t. It’s my car, I just wasn’t using it. I liked the Ferrari more when I was single. And so far, you’ve been doing the usual shopping, so… I didn’t need a family car.”

“Why are you turning?”

“I need to buy more food. And a bread maker. And cleaning supplies. And maybe a couple more rolls of toilet paper if I’m lucky.”

You sigh. “I would love to help, but I’m too tired.”

“I know. Try to take a nap.”

He parks the car in front of a different mall. “If you think of something I should buy, text me.”

“Okay.”

He leaves the car, gently closing the door.

You watch him walk away, feeling… surreal. It’s one of those moments when you look back at the old you, a lonely, distrustful girl who stuck to her boring habits because they were safe. And you can’t believe that you’re sitting in an almost new luxurious car, while the tall, fifty-year-old man with the most beautiful hair in the world is your… boyfriend.

Every day you learn something new about him. And some ideas of him turned out to be false. For example, you used to think that he can’t be selfish, or that he never lies, or that he’s too polite for his own good…

But now you know – he has the same survival instinct as you do. He’s not a saint. He can be stubborn, and he doesn’t know everything. Sometimes he is just guessing.

The little discoveries that you’re making about him, instead of disappointing you, they give you a sense of calm. Because there was a moment when he seemed too good to be true. Now he’s imperfect, but real.

He’s a better lover than you imagined though.

You jump in the seat, quickly reaching for your phone. Your message is short, you can almost see his smile as you send it.

“Condoms.”

* * *

“Home, sweet home,” you sigh, entering the house.

“It means a lot to hear you say that.” Mattia follows you, carrying three bags in each hand and his favourite bag hanging over his shoulder.

“Remember when you invited me here for the first time and you said that it feels like a hotel to you?”

“Of course, I remember.”

“Is it still just a hotel?”

“No.” He shakes his head, putting the bags on the floor. “I’ll go and get the rest of the bags.” Mattia had many naps during the flight, so he still has some energy left. “Do we have enough food?”

You lean down to take your shoes off. “Yes, my love. We have enough of everything, thanks to you and your shopping fever.”

You take your jacket off. As you take a step to hang it by the door, you trip over your shoes. “Jesus!” You feel Mattia’s strong grip on your elbow. It helps you regain balance.

“Do you want me to escort you to the bedroom?” he asks; there’s a hint of pity in his gaze, but not the degrading kind.

“No, thank you. I’ll walk slowly.”

He has things to do; he bought many products that need to be put in the fridge. You would love to help, but when you’re tired, you get clumsy. You would only create a mess.

As you walk up the stairs, you wrap your arms around yourself. You were gone for slightly more than a week, but the air inside the house is cold as if it were abandoned for months.

You reach the bedroom, cringing at the thought of taking your clothes off. But you can’t go to bed in the clothes that you were wearing for almost two days straight.

Come on, girl. You can do it. Put a fresh pyjama on and dive under that duvet!

You shiver all over when you finally cover yourself. You curl up in a foetal position, desperate to get some warmth into your hands and feet. Time passes by and they’re still cold.

A thought of Mattia will surely warm you up. You wonder what he is up to. Doing laundry? Or having a snack? Making a meal plan? Using his laptop? Chatting with his daughter on the phone?

He enters the bedroom as if summoned by your thoughts. He quietly opens a closet.

You already feel warmer, even if he’s still a couple metres away.

He grabs something from the closet. As he turns, he notices that your eyes are open. “You’re not sleeping yet?”

“My feet are cold.”

“I’m going to take a shower.”

You’re surprised to see him leave without commenting on your words. Although maybe a shower is exactly what you need?

You wait a couple of minutes until you can hear running water. It’s loud because Mattia left all the doors open.

You wait another minute; the bathroom is probably as cold as the rest of the house, but at least the shower cabin will be hot and steamy soon.

You get up from the bed, and grimacing with unpleasant shivers, arms wrapped around yourself, you rush to the bathroom.

The sight of Mattia’s naked body under the shower, blurry because the glass walls are already fogged up, gives you a different type of shivers.

You nearly trip over your pyjama pants as you hastily undress.

Mattia is washing his hair, the thick layers of foam are dripping on his shoulders. His back and butt and long legs look so good when he’s holding his arms up.

He only notices your presence when you open the glass door. Before the language processor in his brain starts to work, his gaze wanders over your naked body.

“Still cold?” He brushes his wet hair toward the back of his head.

“I just need a moment.” You step up as close as you can, pressing your body to his and wrapping your arms around his torso.

You don’t want sex. You want warmth.

“I was going to join you in bed and be your private heater.”

“Ah… yes… that would work too.”

Such a relief. Warm shivers are running down your body, complemented by the caress of the hot water on your skin and Mattia’s hands on your lower back.

You can feel his pulse on your forehead. His skin smells of the shampoo he’s using.

You stand still for a while, letting Mattia’s body and the hot water do the job.

When he leans back and down to rub his nose against your little nose, you wonder if that’s a foreplay or if he’s checking if the tip of your nose is still cold.

He kisses you lightly. That’s all he needs to figure out that you’re rather sleepy than turned on.

“I think I’ll have a nap too,” he says. “I was running on adrenaline for such a long time. It’s starting to wear off and I feel exhausted.”

Mattia turns the water off; he dries you both thoroughly with a fluffy towel. Instead of picking your pyjama up from the floor, he puts a bathrobe on your naked body.

He takes your hand and leads you to the bedroom. He pulls the duvet up for you.

Your brain is barely working, but you know that you shouldn’t sleep in a bathrobe. Doesn’t matter that the air is still not warm. You will sleep naked, because Mattia will be next to you. Also naked… or not. He has boxer shorts on, but that’s fine. He’s quick at getting rid of them if necessary.

The sheet feels even colder than when you were trying to fall asleep alone. But when Mattia lies down next to you and pulls you closer, the heat coming off his body radiates into you. He can lull you to sleep with the subtlest caress of his hand. Nothing too sexual, just a delicate touch of his fingers on your back.

Making sure you’re asleep before he follows you into unconsciousness.

* * *

“Did you have sex all day? Because you look like a mess.”

You scowl at Jess’ face on your laptop screen. “I was sleeping.”

“It’s almost seven in the evening!”

“I just got back from the other side of the world, Jess. Forgive me if my sense of night and day is a bit screwed.”

Jess grins. “I was hoping you’d send me some pictures from Melbourne. How was it? Did you enjoy the trip?”

“I was sick.”

Jess gets more serious hearing your words.

“It was bad; I couldn’t move, I couldn’t eat. I spent five days in bed, feeling like shit. Our team doctor helped, but I still needed a few days to recover.”

“You will have plenty of time to rest now. And Mattia will probably take good care of you, since he’s on forced vacation.”

You sigh. “Maranello shut down a while ago while other engine manufacturers are still working. I think Mattia will spend hours in his office Skyping with the FIA officials and team bosses.”

“What’s he doing now?”

“Why?” You squint into the camera, suspiciously. “Do you miss him?”

“I just want to make sure he’s not eavesdropping where I can’t see him.”

“He’s in the kitchen. Cooking.”

“Well, well, well. You found yourself a perfect man.”

“He’s not perfect.”

“What?! Are you serious?”

“He’s not perfect because he’s real. Things and people are only perfect in our heads.”

“Okay… and now you’ll try to convince me that your life is not perfect either? You’re locked in a nice house with a capable man who can cook and… do other things, so I’ve heard, and your cellar is full of expensive wine.”

“And toilet paper. We have a lot of toilet paper,” you grin. “What can I say? He’s an older guy. He thinks ahead.”

“What if he gets sick of you?” Jess wiggles her eyebrows.

“I know you’re just teasing me, but… it’s a concern. But only when it comes to food. I can cook, but… he’s used to eating in fancy restaurants.”

“You just said that he is cooking right now!”

“Yes, but…”

“I’m sure he can handle it himself. And he will probably be thrilled to teach you. Stop moping around, I know you well enough. You’re just trying to make me jealous, and you know what? I am jealous! I am not attracted to older guys, but now I get the allure. I see how the benefits outweigh the risks.”

“There are no risks, Jess.”

“Well, only because you like someone taking the lead and you treat him like a God.”

“I…” you want to protest, but you realize that her words are essentially right. “I’m such a boring person. I need him to get excited.”

“Ha-ha, I bet!”

“Not in that sense!”

Mattia knocks on the door frame; it’s open, so you guess he must have heard a part of your conversation.

“The dinner will be ready in ten minutes.”

“Do you want to say hi to Jess?” You jump on the bed, turning the laptop toward him.

Out of the corner of your eye you see Jess quickly adjust her blouse and her hair. It makes you want to burst out laughing.

Mattia approaches the bed before sitting down on the edge. “Hi, how are you?”

“I’m good, sir. I heard you’re making dinner. I wish I wasn’t trapped in this flat because I am sick of cooking for myself every day.”

“Well, then jump into your car and get over here,” Mattia suggests.

“Are you sure your Cinderella will let you cook for me?”

“I can cook for everyone. That’s what I do, remember? When we first talked privately, I was the grill master at Jock’s party.”

You can’t focus on Mattia’s words because he smells so good. Forget about the dinner, let’s eat him!

“You used to cook for everyone, but… are you really sure she’ll be happy about it?” Jess is pushing because she knows your nature.

“Oh, come on…” Mattia turns to you, his eyes sparkling as he grasps your hand. “She will share my services with other people.”

You immediately shake your head. “Oh, no. No, no, no. No sharing.” His services! What a joke!

Jess is cackling. “See, I know her. She is obsessed with you.”

“She’s just a little bit jealous, ha-ha,” Mattia gives you a peck on the cheek.

“Will you stop talking about me?” you pout, blushing. “Why don’t you tell Mattia how perfect he is now that he is present?”

Jess scowls at you. “That was a private conversation.”

“Ha-ha, thank you anyway,” Mattia shifts away from you. “I have to run; there’s nothing worse than an overcooked pasta.”

“It was nice seeing you, sir.”

“You too, young lady.”

You can’t help but grin when he leaves the bedroom.

“He must be fun in bed,” Jess says, her voice low.

You just roll your eyes. “Where did that come from?”

“He can play! He’s a fun person, you can’t deny. No wonder you fell in love with him. He’s the full package.”

You purse your lips.

“I said full package,” Jess says after a moment of silence.

“Yes, I heard. I will have to go soon. I don’t want to keep him waiting. And ehm…” You put a hand on your belly feeling your stomach rumble. “I’m starving.”

“Go then. We’ll have plenty of time to talk later.”

“We will talk every day!”

“I wouldn’t mind. Enjoy the meal.”

* * *

“When did you learn to cook?” you ask, watching him as he puts a deliciously looking plate of food in front of you.

“It’s just pasta al pesto; there’s nothing to learn,” he says.

“I meant in general.”

“When I was at the university, I guess.”

“I heard you were a bad student.”

“Who told you that?”

“You.” You smile broadly, grabbing a fork. “You have a very impressive resume for a bad student.”

“I wasn’t bad. I was just… bored. As you probably know, I don’t like seating in one place.”

“Yes, I know. And I hope you won’t lose your mind because of this lock down.”

Mattia sits down opposite to you, reaching for a bottle of wine. “I’ll be fine, because we won’t be sitting,” he says with a charming smile.

* * *

The king resides in his castle. If there are questions or problems to solve, people contact him via phone or Skype. There’s no unexpected guests.

Mattia’s schedule is almost the same every day. He’s up first because he likes waking up early. He prepares breakfast for both of you and you usually join him in the kitchen when it’s ready. You clean after the breakfast (often still in your pyjamas or a bathrobe) while Mattia goes to his office to work. You bring him coffee at ten, often with a cookie and a kiss. You have lunch at noon. If he has no video conferences scheduled, you have a quickie in bed, and he takes a short nap afterwards. Then he goes back to his office. He finishes work around six. Sometimes he offers to prepare the dinner himself. Sometimes you do it together. Sometimes you want to impress him, and the meal is ready earlier. The earlier you eat, the more time you have for sex later. Not just sex. Every other night you watch a movie, but there aren’t many movies interesting enough to keep you from having sex before the final credits. Especially since there’s so many pleasant things to do on the couch.

Sometimes you take a long bath together before going to sleep.

And sometimes when you’re finally in bed, you can’t get enough of each other. And you make love for hours, talking about nothing in particular while recovering, expecting to fall asleep at some point, but the hunger keeps coming back.

Last night was one of those nights.

You wake up sore as if you were at the gym for the first time in months. It’s already ten! Mattia is not in bed; he probably got up as usual (he says he’s sleeping too much compared to the racing season; he doesn’t want to get used to being lazy because then it will be hard to get back to his usual routine once the season restarts; if it restarts this year at all).

The bedroom door opens unexpectedly, and he enters, meeting your eyes.

A happy smile grows on his face.

“Good morning, coach,” you say, stretching in bed in a sultry manner. “You made me sweat last night, you know?”

“Is that a complaint?” he asks, walking up to the closet.

“No, sir.”

“I need my suit. I will have a video conference with Jean and all the team bosses in twenty minutes. Well, not all the team bosses, to be precise, because Toto is on vacation.” He takes the trousers from the wardrobe.

“They’re probably wrinkled,” you say, “Although your camera has such a low resolution that nobody will notice.”

“I’ll only put the shirt and the jacket on. They won’t see my legs anyway.”

“You want to stay in shorts? For an important video conference with the head of the FIA?”

“Why not?”

“I understand that he’s your friend, but… please put the trousers on, love. Do it for me.”

He stares at you for a moment. “All right… but only because I don’t want to stress you. Not sure how long it will take, but I doubt I’ll be free for lunch.”

“It’s okay. I have some cleaning to do.”

“Maybe you should rest a little today, you know… it was an intense night.”

“I’m just a little sore. It will go away when I start moving.”

He smiles, pulling the suit pants up. “Do I also have to wear shoes?”

“Yes!”

He approaches the drawers and picks up the most colourful pair of socks he owns. You don’t comment on that.

“Can I vacuum clean upstairs?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t want to make too much noise.”

“It should be all right.”

* * *

You dusted every surface downstairs and upstairs. You did laundry, vacuum cleaned the carpet in the living room and in the bedroom. You mopped the floor in the kitchen… You baked blueberry cupcakes and you are just sitting in the kitchen, wondering what to make for dinner, when Mattia storms out of his office.

“I have to pee,” he cringes, running to the stairs. After a couple of minutes, he runs back.

“It was the longest Skype session so far,” you say.

“It’s not over yet,” he sighs. “Can I have a cupcake? I’m so hungry that I might start eating pens.”

You smile, watching him wolf down the cupcake in two bites.

“Is there something you’d like to eat for dinner?” you ask.

He gives you that look. That unmistakable look. You stay quiet, telling yourself not to blush while he licks the pink sugar glazing off his fingers.

“Surprise me,” he says, leaning down to give you a sugar-sweet kiss on the cheek.

God, you’re horny! All the cleaning and cooking helped to get rid of your stiffness and soreness, just as you expected, but… the fact that Mattia is only a couple steps away wearing a suit is not easy to ignore. He obviously took the jacket off; he probably felt too hot and too uncomfortable after a couple of hours. He also rolled up his sleeves…

When will this virtual meeting end?

You grab your phone and Google “recipes for a romantic dinner”. You need something that will be easy to re-heat the moment Mattia is done with his meeting. One cupcake is not enough to feed that majestic body.

You have a bag of shrimp in the freezer. You can make risotto with shrimp. Parmesan risotto with roasted shrimp. Yes, that’s it.

An hour later, the delicious smell wafts through the kitchen. Mattia is still in his office. You just hope he can’t smell the dinner because you don’t want him to get even hungrier.

He storms out the office again, startling you.

“Is it ready? I have half an hour.”

“You’re still on?”

“We decided to take a break.”

“Why is it taking so long?”

“Because we can’t agree on anything.”

You sigh. “Yes, it’s ready, but… you must be tired.”

“My butt hurts from sitting.”

“I can give you a massage later.”

He smiles delicately, avoiding your gaze.

You pour a bit of wine into two glasses; Mattia doesn’t protest even though he’s technically still at work.

He’s hungry. So hungry, you’re barely talking during the meal. You don’t mind, because watching him eat what you prepared is already a reward. Not to mention that he’s wearing a suit…

“I will need another espresso.”

“I’m on it, boss!”

He runs his tongue over his teeth, to get the bits of food that stuck to them. “Not now. After I’m done with the meeting.”

“Oh, okay,” you slowly sit down. “Where’s that little bell that you told me to use when you were playing my servant?”

“It should be somewhere in the bathroom.”

“You could use it if you need my assistance while working.”

He looks at you, swirling the rest of the wine in the glass before taking a sip. “If you can find it, I might use it even today.”

“Wish me luck then.”

* * *

You love how tidy and well organized your bathroom is. Same as Mattia, you like to clean right after making a mess.

You find the little bell quickly. Feeling giddy about the idea, you walk down the stairs and you head to Mattia’s office. Hoping he turned the laptop away from the entrance, you crack the door.

He puts a pen down…

You quietly enter the room before leaving the bell on the desk.

Mattia leans slightly back, but he’s impressive at controlling his expression. You can see a little change in his eyes, but the camera in his laptop won’t capture it.

Without making a sound, you leave the room.

* * *

After cleaning the dishes, you hurry to the bedroom. When will that Skype conference end? Nobody knows. You need to get ready as soon as possible, just in case. You don’t want to keep your king waiting.

You’re thinking of putting red lingerie on. And red stilettos. First, you need to find them. You only wore them once, not your preferred type of shoes.

You open the large closet, turning to the stack of shoe boxes. The stilettos should be in one of them…

You grab the first box; yeah, it’s not the one. You put the first box away and investigate the second one. This one contains two pairs of sandals. You put it away…

“Shit…” you wince, hearing a distant ringing.

Why did they take a break if they could have ended the thing in twenty minutes? And now you’re not ready!

You hurriedly check another box. Yes! There they are.

Mattia keeps ringing. You quickly undress, the man downstairs sounds impatient. He won’t be happy with you being late.

You put a bathrobe on your naked body. The lingerie will have to wait for another occasion. At the last moment you decide to put the red stilettos on. Which you instantly regret while walking down the stairs.

Mattia is ringing and ringing furiously.

You wrap the bathrobe tightly around your waist before entering his office.

“Finally!” he says, his eyes quickly check you up and down.

“What do you need?” you ask, slightly winded. “Sir…” you add quietly.

His expression is stern, but his right eyebrow is higher than the left one. “I need you to get your ears checked if you want to work for me. When I ring, you show up immediately. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.” You’re not sure what’s your role yet, but you’re certain that he’ll reveal it soon.

“Now get to work. I want all the objects on my desk removed. Put them on the coffee table.”

“Yes, sir.”

You start with the family photos. You put them on the table, turning them to face the wall.

“What are you doing?” Mattia gets up from his chair, reminding you that he’s still much taller than you, even when you’re wearing high heels. “You’re disrespectful.” He reaches to the nearest frame and turns it to face the desk.

“I apologize, sir.” You trust his plan; he wouldn’t do anything awkward. If he wants his family to watch… well, maybe he doesn’t intend to use the desk the way you’d love him to use it.

You continue removing small objects from the desk. Pens, cards, notebooks. Mattia’s leaning against a massive wooden bookshelf, watching you like a prison ward.

“Leave the laptop,” he orders as you reach for it.

Okay?

Your job is done, so you step away from the desk, waiting for a new command.

You can feel his stare on your body.

“Is this a proper office outfit? Red shoes? And a bathrobe? Do you want to be a secretary or a…”

Whore? That would be a good word to use here, but… you would be surprised to hear Mattia use it, even during a role play.

“Or a playboy bunny?” he finishes.

You barely keep yourself from smiling. “I can leave and change, sir.”

“No, you can’t. I already waited long enough for you. So far…” He shakes his head, sitting down in his leather chair. He leans back, playing with a rolled-up sleeve. “I’m not impressed with your performance, miss Matthews.”

You open your mouth, intending to ask him if there’s something that would change his opinion, but he speaks first.

“Sit down.”

You look around the office. “Where, sir?”

Normally, he’d pat the desk, but he doesn’t do that. “Behind the laptop, silly. We’ll see how fast you can type.”

The laptop is on the desk, facing Mattia’s chair. You reach out to grab it.

“What are you doing? I told you to sit down.”

“But you’re already sitting in that chair, sir.”

“So?” He puts a hand on his belt, attracting your gaze to his crotch. “Are you uncomfortable? Because if you are, I will have to look for someone else.”

“No, sir. I’m extremely comfortable…” Not with the family photos facing the desk and watching you both… He probably forgot about them.

You walk to the other side of the desk, shivering at the sight of Mattia’s long legs and his strong thighs… The most comfortable chair you can imagine. A chair that tickles you inside.

“It’s highly inappropriate to wear a bathrobe at work. Lose it.”

“But…” You play with the knot on your belly. “I’m not wearing anything else, sir.”

“That’s not my problem.”

You untie the bathrobe, hesitant. “I’m… a bit shy.”

“I’m not interested in your body but in your typing skills.”

“Yes, sir.”

You let the bathrobe slide off your shoulders and land on the floor.

Mattia’s gaze follows it. “Are you that clumsy? Pick it up.”

Now you have two choices. You bend down, showing him your butt, or you crouch, showing him your… front.

When you are trying to decide, he gets up, picks the bathrobe himself and spreads it over the family photos.

Now we’re talking…

He goes back to the chair before sitting down. “Hurry up. My time is expensive.”

You sit down in his lap, carefully, hearing a barely audible sigh behind you. You feel Mattia’s crotch pressed to yours, making you want to fidget so badly…

Mattia’s hands are resting on the arm rests. His beautiful wrists, and long fingers…

You look at the laptop. Your heart flutters when he moves in the chair to push it closer to the desk.

“Open a text editor,” he says, his voice thicker already.

Your fingers are clumsy on the keyboard. If you were really trying to get a job as a secretary, you would be embarrassed.

“You’re going to type everything I say.”

“Yes, sir…” Your fingers twitch as you notice Mattia’s right hand move to your thigh.

“Her body makes me crazy,” he dictates. “It’s strong, but it’s also soft,” he adds, his fingertips sliding up and down your thigh, so softly it tickles.

“Her scent turns me into a brainless mess,” he whispers, leaning forward to press his lips to the nape of your neck. He takes a deep breath in. “I want to be her slave, but she can’t know that. She’ll lose all her respect… and respect is…”

His caressing hand moves from your thigh to your belly. You gasp softly, spreading your legs wider.

“Respect is the only way to make her wet.” His hand slides between your legs, while the left hand closes on your breast. “You’re bad at typing, miss Matthews.”

“I’m sorry… I… I can do better, sir.”

He clears his throat. “There’s nothing more satisfying,” he continues. “Than to make her wet.”

You grimace, trying to focus on the keyboard, but his fingers… one precise fingertip is really distracting.

“It’s my biggest achievement. The biggest success of my career. The hot, smooth skin… dripping with lust because of me…” He kisses the nape of your neck again. The gentle breast massage is perfect, as usual.

Where’s the “u” key? What were you supposed to write… dripping with…

“Oh…” you moan, forgetting about the typing. You lean back against Mattia’s chest, putting a hand on his right wrist. “I can’t do this…”

“What?”

“You make me so weak…”

“Do you want me to stop?”

Ah, the famous question.

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“That’s true.” He keeps touching you in silence, making your body softer, hotter, and wetter.

You keep staring at the screen of the laptop, wondering if someone is not spying on you… The thought makes you slightly uncomfortable. “Can I turn the laptop off, sir?”

“Yes.”

You’re so clumsy you almost burst out laughing. After you close the laptop, you lean back again and completely surrender to Mattia’s touch.

As it often happens with him, he stops right when it gets intense. When your level of arousal is nine out of ten, he likes taking it down to seven and working his way up again. That’s how eventually he manages to get to eleven.

“Get up.” His orders are less bossy. Arousal makes everything about him softer, apart from his erection. “Take the laptop and put it away,” he orders, reaching to his shirt before he starts unbuttoning it.

You can feel his gaze on your naked body as you walk to the coffee table, struggling to walk straight on the high heels.

“Open the cabinet next to the table and pick up the white blanket.”

Don’t trip! You’re already shaking.

When you grab the blanket and you turn to the desk, you glance at him sitting comfortably in his office chair. His white shirt is unbuttoned and he’s fiddling with his belt buckle.

“You failed the typing test, miss Matthews,” he says, getting up. He reaches for the blanket, so you give it to him. He spreads it on the desk, running a hand over the fluffy fabric before turning to you. “You have nothing to say?”

“I am… disappointed with myself, sir…” You look down on the carpet, making the most pitiful face you can manage. “Working for you was my biggest dream. I admire you so much, mister Binotto. I…” you look up, holding on to his gaze, just to show him how turned on you are. “My respect for you is… infinite.”

He makes your heart skip a beat when he reaches to his glasses. He takes them off and puts them away.

“Come here.” He grasps your hand, pulling you closer as he sits on the edge of the desk. “I think I was a bit too harsh.” He lets go of your hand, reaching up to cup your cheek. “The thing I need from my secretary the most is… obedience.”

You stare at his lips, desperate to taste them. “I’m a good girl, sir. I will follow your every command.”

His eyebrow goes up. “So eager. I like it. Now… I want to see your tongue.”

Ehm… okay?

You stick your tongue out. You avoid Mattia’s gaze, because if you’d look him in the eye now, you’d laugh.

“Not like that. Open your mouth.”

Oh, well, this is less funny.

He shifts closer as if to kiss you, but instead, he opens his mouth and your tongues brush… just your tongues…

He leans away to catch a glimpse of your large pupils. “You’re a little crazy about licking, aren’t you?”

“How did you know, sir?”

“I can see it…”

You open your mouth, sliding your tongue out again, he doesn’t even have to ask.

There’s something extremely sexual about the wet surfaces touching and tips brushing leisurely…

“I’m going to taste you, miss Matthews… your mouth first…”

“Yes… sir…”

He kisses you with so much passion, that you need to clench your hands on the belt on his hips to keep yourself from collapsing. Your tongues meet again a couple of times, but this time during a wet, deep kissing.

He wraps his arms around you, squeezing your body to his so hard that your breasts start to hurt. Suddenly, he grabs you by the waist and in one elegant move he sits you on the fluffy blanket.

One stiletto slips off, bouncing against his black, shining shoe. He kneels to pick it up and puts it back on your foot in the most tender gesture.

“You already found your prince, Cinderella,” he smiles. “My delicious… princess…”

You know what he’s going to do before it happens. He mentioned tasting you, and your mouth was just a first step.

He pulls the chair up; no need to burden those old knees, when he can sit comfortably. He slides his arms under your thighs, shifting closer to you like he was about to feast of his favourite dish…

Feast is not the right word. Savour and delight would fit better.

The first exploratory licks make you moan loudly because you enjoy it so much.

You’re a little crazy about licking, aren’t you?

Damn right you are. Especially if he does it down there…

You comfortably rest your legs on the armrests.

“I respect you, sir… so, so much…” you gasp, touching his hair. “I will always respect you because everything you do is… so spectacular…”

You keep playing with the curls on his forehead, pushing them toward the back of his head to fully expose his face, but all you can see is his fluttering eyelids and that big red nose…

“I guess you are perfect after all…” you whisper, drowning in a unique pleasure that can only be delivered by Mattia’s soft tongue. “Unreal… you are unreal…”

He shifts away. “You’re chatty today,” he smirks, removing his hand from under your thigh to massage your sensitive body with his fingertips. “Maybe I’m not doing the best job.”

“I can shut up.”

“That’s not what I want.” He stares at his hand for a while, smiling when you gasp. “You’re welcome to talk… while you still can.”

“Oh, yeah?” You look at him with a provocative smile. “You think I will lose my voice when you start fucking me from behind?”

“I hope not.”

You moan softly when the pleasure of his touch increases suddenly.

“Though, you seem to only remember two words when I’m behind you.”

“Fuck and God,” you say without thinking.

Mattia grins before turning all his attention back to your body. His mouth tastes you again; it’s hot, it’s hungry. The agile tongue studies you, looking for hot spots… and finds one almost instantaneously. Because he knows you. He learned how to pleasure you. He knows where to go.

“Do you want me to scream your name? Or some other word?”

“Like what?”

You grimace, sliding a hand into his hair to pull his head closer.

“Forza Ferrari?”

He starts giggling… and can’t stop. Soon enough, you’re both laughing.

“I was willing to make you come, miss Matthews, but you are misbehaving.” Mattia pushes the chair away from the desk. “I have no other choice than to move to the final part of this job interview.”

“What a shame.” You put your feet on the carpet, ogling the tall man as he opens a drawer and grabs a condom.

“You were awful at typing, but I’ll give your hands another chance.” He stands up, reaching to his belt.

“Sir… let me…” You jump off the desk. “Sit down, please.”

Once he’s in the chair, you kneel in front of him, quickly undoing the belt and unzipping his trousers. You can feel his stare on your face; he’s fascinated by your fascination. You get that. Mutual sexual attraction is a magical thing.

You wouldn’t be yourself if you denied him the comfort and warmth of your mouth. He deserves to enjoy this pleasure too. If only for a couple of minutes. Just to make him fully hard.

“How am I doing?” you ask, putting the condom on his erection.

“A plus,” he says, helping you to your feet. “You’re ready for this?”

“I think you know the answer.” When you climb on the desk, your stiletto slides off your foot again. “Leave it,” you say as Mattia bends to pick it up.

“But I like the look,” he protests, putting the shoe back on your foot. “It’s elegant.”

“Very…” you laugh, getting on your hands and knees. “I’m pretty sure it will keep falling off…”

“I can be gentle.”

“Don’t be…” You grimace as he slowly pushes in, reminding you how deep he can reach. “I want…”

He grabs your hips. “Yes, I know what you want.”

* * *

“Oh, lord have mercy…” You collapse on the desk, fireworks still exploding in your brain, the hot pleasure inside your belly slowly decreasing. You can breathe again; you can think.

You keep your eyes closed, listening to the sound of your hammering heart and the man panting next to you.

He’s quiet which makes you feel the need to check if he’s all right. You open your eyes. He’s sitting in his chair, his undershirt soaked wet with sweat, he pulled up his trousers, but his fly is still open. It’s a very indecent look.

“Are you impressed?” he asks.

“Very.” You were not surprised that he barely started moving and you already had an orgasm. The foreplay was more than effective. Besides the position is just too good for you.

He didn’t stop after just one orgasm. He kept going, slowing down a couple of times to keep himself from coming. A couple minutes later when you were climaxing again, you tried to hide it from him, knowing that your orgasm is always a huge challenge for his self control. But there is a certain level of pleasure that can’t be concealed. You buried your face in the blanket to stifle your moans, your spine stretching to the limit, making the whole experience even more mind blowing.

He kept moving. It felt so good it almost hurt. It’s was intoxicating. Addictive. And when the biggest pleasure dimmed, you felt… hungry. You craved more. You were desperate for more.

He gave you more. Slowing down to a halt for a short moment. Still rock hard inside you. Impressive.

He leaned down to press his lips to your sweaty back. His huge hands squeezed your buttocks before sliding to your aching breasts. And then back again to your hips.

And then he started moving again. Fast and steady. Giving it everything, for your pleasure and his own.

* * *

_A couple days later_

If you tried to get on his bicycle you would probably hurt yourself. He has long legs.

He managed to fit his big hair under a helmet. And now he’s pedalling with energy in front of you, looking over his shoulder from time to time.

_Yes, I’m still here, my love_, you think. _I’m panting and my thighs are on fire, but I’m not falling behind._

You don’t need to ride far to get out of the town and pick a trail between green hills. It’s a dry Spring, there’s no mud anywhere, the sun’s shinning. You could wear short sleeves.

Mattia picked the destination. Apparently, there’s a small lake somewhere behind the trees. You can’t see it because you’re pedalling uphill. Only when you reach the highest point of the trail, the full landscape opens in front of you.

It’s so beautiful. Mostly nature, with sparse houses here and there. Enough space for people to stay out of other people’s business.

You can see the smooth waves of roads on nearby hills. They seem close, and yet you know that it would take a lot of effort to get to them on a bicycle.

“There.” Mattia points to the left.

“Nice!” you say, looking at the lake. It’s in a small valley, which means that you will mostly ride downhill.

“Who gets there first, wins,” Mattia says.

“Wins what?”

He doesn’t say. He’s already ahead. Will you give him the satisfaction?

It’s difficult to compete with him, because as much as you want to win, you also don’t want him to lose.

You fix the grip on the handlebar. The surface of the path is treacherous, full of sand traps and little rocks that move under your wheels.

Balancing you weight, you keep pedalling, your speed increasing. You’re closing on Mattia fast, but keeping the speed feels risky.

Is this the fastest he can go?

“Move aside!” you warn him, getting closer. The path is narrow, and you’ll have to go onto the grass…

He glances over his shoulder and speeds up.

You curse under your breath. He doesn’t even look like he’s in a hurry and yet, he’s faster than you.

It must be his long legs! Well, but then his wheels are the same size as yours so…

But he’s heavier!

“Don’t ride into the lake!” you shout at his back.

“Worry about yourself.”

“I… am…” You ride over a rocky path, feeling vibrations in your entire body. “Damn it…” You slow down, finally able to catch a breath.

Mattia’s already far away, laughing. He also slows down, just to stop by the shore. “Do you need a pit stop?” he shouts, reaching to his helmet.

Okay, he is panting a bit, so maybe he wasn’t as chill as you thought.

“You have a better bike,” you complain, getting off your bicycle and taking the remaining distance to the lake on foot.

“Maybe… Or I have better skills.”

Okay, he’s in a good mood. You let him gloat.

He takes the helmet off; the hair’s a bit flat but he quickly fluffs it up with his hand.

“I am impressed with myself,” he says, accepting a bottle of water that you offer him. “I’m so much fitter than last year. I remember going for a ride a couple of times with the kids. They started making fun of me because I just couldn’t keep up.”

“Well, don’t compare yourself to me, because maybe I’m not the fastest person on the planet.”

“You’re pretty fit. You’re just cautious,” he says before taking a long gulp. “Ha-ha, I saw the fear in your eyes when you were trying to pass me.”

“It wasn’t funny.”

“It is now.”

You check his long cycling tights. They make his legs look even longer, and his package even bigger. The black jersey accentuates his narrow shoulders, making his belly look rounder than it really is.

“You look good in tight clothes,” he says.

“I was just going to say the same thing.”

He smiles. “Let’s take a break.”

You sit down on the warm sand, letting the sun dry the sweat off your faces and hair.

You stare at the lake in silence, feeling as relaxed as you are after sex, but less “confused”. The wide landscape around you, the clear sky and the fresh air is giving your mind the optimal sharpness. You are heathy, you are free, you are ready to tackle all your problems.

“So… I’ve been thinking…” Mattia clears his throat. “Do you want to have children?”

Suddenly all the peace of mind that you just achieved is gone. You feel panic surging inside you. “Why do you ask?” you say softly, aware that he can see your reaction.

“I know that you were on strong meds in Australia, but it wasn’t the first time you asked me if we can have sex without a condom. So, I’ve been wondering… Maybe you subconsciously want to get pregnant.”

“Oh…” you quickly relax, knowing the context of his question. “I don’t think that’s the case. I just want to check if it feels different. That’s it.”

“What if it feels better?”

“Having sex would also feel better than talking right now, but it doesn’t mean that it’s the right time to do it, right?”

Staring at the lake, he smiles. It’s always a good feeling to satisfy him with your words. “The time feels right, but the place is wrong. And the clothes…”

You shift closer to grab his hand. “Do you think there’s something wrong with my curiosity?”

“No… And I have zero problems with it now that you’re on the pill.”

“It’s been only a week,” you remind him.

His eyebrow goes up. “But I can tell you that it’s working because you’re less horny than usual.”

You gape at him, speechless.

He keeps a straight face, but the eyebrow…

“Am I really?” You try to recall the past seven days. The sex was good, as usual. Maybe you took longer breaks than before but that’s because you were more into quality than quantity.

Mattia nods.

You look at the lake… it seems bottomless and cold now…

“To be honest,” Mattia’s serious voice draws your attention back to his face. “I’m joking.”

“Are you? I…” You keep staring at him confused until he bursts out laughing.

“You’re awful!” You smack him over the shoulder. “I believed you!”

“Oh, come on.” He keeps laughing. “What do you want to do when we come back home?”

“I will spank you really hard.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m not horny though, I’m mad at you.”

Mattia grins. You want to punch him in the face, but instead, you kiss him hard. He needs to take his glasses off and put them away because you’re so mad…

* * *

_One lazy afternoon_

You press your phone to your ear. “Hi, Jess. I can’t talk too long. Mattia wants me to meet his parents for the first time, over Skype, and I’m still in a bathrobe.”

“Hah, you think they don’t know what you’re doing with their son?”

“We were cleaning the garage together.”

“Is that what he calls it?”

“I’m serious. There was oil, grease, and dirt everywhere. I don’t even know what to put on…” You turn the speaker phone on before leaving the phone on a chair, next to the closet. “If you hear weird sounds, I’m looking for clothes.”

“I just wanted to tell you that I found a letter for you in our mailbox. It’s quite heavy and it’s from your mom.”

“What?”

“You think she decided to send you your father’s medical bills? That would be savage.”

“Or an invitation to his funeral,” you grunt, your ears picking up a subtle sound at the door.

As you turn, you notice Mattia standing in the doorway. Judging by his face, he heard your words, and he has questions.

“Can we talk later?”

“Should I open the letter or what?”

“No, I’ll pick it up as soon as I can.”

“All right.”

Mattia’s not moving. “Why would your mother send you your father’s medical bills?”

You sigh, turning back to the closet, but you can’t focus on the clothes. You are touching the fabric without even registering the purpose of that action. “Because he can’t pay for them, and she can’t pay either.”

“How did he end up in a hospital?”

“I don’t know… drank too much… his liver had enough…”

“Since when do you know this?”

Ah, yes, now’s the time to disappoint him…

“I don’t remember. Actually, I do, she called me that day when we were supposed to go to Sabina for a dinner.”

“That was before we left for Australia.”

“Yes.” Your fingers are getting cold. He sounds upset. And you have nothing to say to him that would make him feel better.

“And you didn’t feel like sharing this with me? Even after we returned? We had so much time to talk…”

You swallow a lump forming in your throat. “There’s nothing to share. I told my mother that I don’t want to have anything to do with him. And that’s it. The end.”

He approaches you, but not really you, he just wants to take a plaid shirt out of the closet. “I know that you’re a tough person, but… you don’t have to deal with those things alone.”

“But I dealt with it just fine.” If only your voice didn’t crack maybe he would’ve believed you!

“Are you sure?” He’s talking to you, but looking away, which is never a good sign. He’s probably pissed, and he doesn’t want you to see his face. “You had a nervous break down when we were in Australia.”

“It was not related.”

He opens his mouth, but soon closes it back. For some reason, his silence is even more unpleasant than his words.

“See? This is exactly why I didn’t tell you,” you say, grabbing a pair of jeans and a pullover.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

You can feel his stare; your moves nervous and forceful as you start putting the clothes on. “You can’t accept my decisions even though you have no idea what it’s like to be me.”

“This is not how relationships work.”

“Because you’re such a specialist, right?”

He visibly shudders at your words. He looks as if you just slapped him in the face. “I will always support your decisions. But first I will tell you what I think about them.”

“Obviously…”

“Look, my parents will be online soon. If they ask about your family, what are you going to say? Will you lie to them too? Is that how you want your relationship with them to start?”

You clench your teeth, tears clouding your vision. “I didn’t lie to you.”

“I know, I just…”

“I don’t want to talk about my fucking dysfunctional family, so maybe you should talk to your perfect parents without me,” you spit, grabbing your bag and your car keys.

“Cindy…”

You expect him to run after you, but he stays in the bedroom. You have a lot of time to pull a pair of shoes on and grab the garage keys.

Where are you going? Not sure. But you can’t talk to his parents. You can’t sit next to him and pretend that nothing’s happened.

You open your little car; you throw your bag onto the passenger seat and you get behind the wheel.

Great, but maybe you should open the garage door first?

You hug the steering wheel, hitting the horn with your forehead. The sharp sound makes you jump.

“What the fuck am I doing?” you say out loud, fighting back tears.

Maybe it’s just your survival instinct, but you realize that running away from Mattia is the worst solution ever.

You wipe your eyes, taking a few deep breaths before grabbing the bag and getting out of the car.

The house is drowning in darkness, but it’s warm and despite the argument that you just had, it feels safe.

There’s a beam of light coming from Mattia’s office.

You put the bag and the keys away before taking your shoes off.

“Ciao, good evening,” Mattia’s voice sounds cheerful and warm.

“Good to see you, Mattia. Are you alone?” a woman’s concerned voice asks. “Why are you alone?”

That’s a good question.

“Cindy is not…”

“I’m back!” You leap into Mattia’s office. “I made it.”

“She’s… back.” Mattia gets up from his chair.

The two other chairs that are in his office are filled with piles of books because you’re in the middle of cleaning and reorganizing the bookshelves.

“Sit down,” he says.

You do it without questioning, glancing at the screen while he gets on his knees in front of the desk. When he kneels, he’s almost at the same level as you in his chair.

“This is Cindy,” he says. “And this is my mom, Marta, my dad, Luigi and my brother, Andrea.”

“Hello, it’s great to finally meet you,” you say, pushing the laptop to the left so that you and Mattia are both in the frame. “I hope you’re feeling well.”

“We are,” Marta says.

“Thank you,” Luigi says at the same moment.

You notice that they are holding hands. It looks cute as if they were supporting each other. But then again… why would they need mutual support right now? Is seeing you for the first time such a difficult experience?

“It’s strange to have this conversation like this. We were hoping you’d pay us a visit so that we can get to know you better…” Marta says. “But Mattia is always so busy. Especially now. Well, not now, since we’re all locked in our houses, but in general, as the team principal. It’s a tough job…”

“Yes, it is,” you add when the mum makes a longer pause.

“It didn’t used to be this way,” Luigi says. “Mattia used to have at least one day every week for the family only! He’d visit us a couple times a month. When he was home, he was just resting.”

You glance at Mattia. The last thing you expected was his parents complaining about his work. He doesn’t seem happy about it, but he respectfully stays quiet.

“There wasn’t much time for visits this winter. Ferrari’s in a bad shape…” you start.

Mattia touches your hand, interrupting you. “They know that,” he says, “Thank you for trying to find good excuses for me, but… they are right. I should’ve organized my time better.”

You move your hand away. Is he serious or is he still angry with you and trying to undermine your words?

“Can you imagine that we’ve never been to Mattia’s new house?” Marta continues.

Sounds about right, because otherwise they wouldn’t call it new.

“He wasn’t spending much time here either,” you smile. “You’re obviously invited the moment the lock down is over.”

“No, you should visit us first,” the dad insists.

Mattia fidgets in the chair. “When it’s safe.”

“Of course.”

“How are you doing without football, dad?”

Luigi does a quick headshake that looks familiar.

Marta rubs her husband’s hand. “He is finally relaxed. Doesn’t yell, doesn’t complain. He has so much more time on his hands now, but for some reason he’s always busy when I’m cooking.”

“But you are the best cook in the world! I would only get in your way.”

“I don’t need help with cooking, but with cleaning after I’m done.”

The dad does the quick head shake again. He looks grumpy, but you have a feeling that it’s just a pose. Mattia’s parents are teasing each other and they both have their favourite roles.

“My eyes are getting worse, Mattia,” the dad leans forward, fixing a pair of glasses on his nose. “But even with my bad eyesight I can see that your lady is very pretty.”

“Thank you,” you smile feeling warmth on your cheeks.

Mattia’s brother leans to the camera. “We would love to know more about you,” he says. “Mattia said that you work as a translator.”

“I was… I have a master’s degree in Italian.”

“Italian’s not Cindy’s native language,” Mattia adds.

“Oh, you speak Italian very well then, my dear,” Marta says.

“Thank you.”

“She also speaks English,” Mattia says.

“And French?” the dad asks.

“No, not French. I mean… I understand a bit. And I like it.”

“Mattia has a great talent for languages too,” Marta says.

Andrea chuckles, drawing your attention.

“What?” Mattia notices it as well.

“Oh, nothing. I just don’t think we, Binotto’s, can ever master English. But that’s just me.”

The mum turns to his younger son, her face confused. “What are you talking about? Your brother is speaking perfect English.”

“He’s doing great, I agree, but his accent is a bit… rough…” Andrea laughs.

“Stop making fun of your brother in front of his lady,” the dad says, as if he was talking to a small child. “I wanted to know more about her, not to listen to your chuckling.”

“I apologize…” Andrea turns away to suppress a smile.

“So… Cindy,” the dad fixes the glasses again as if he really couldn’t see you well. “Tell us more about yourself.”

Well, that’s easy, right?

You get nervous and you know that Mattia can feel your nervousness. If you stay quiet for two more seconds, he will try to help you, but you’re not sure if you want his help right now.

“I will be twenty six this year,” you say, watching the mum and the dad nod simultaneously. You’re not sure if Mattia told them your actual age, but now they know. “I left my family home when I finished studies. I was spending most of the time on my university campus anyway. My parents divorced when I was sixteen, and my mother has a new family. But we’re… We don’t have the best connection.”

You see frowns on Marta’s and Luigi’s faces. Good job, you ruined the mood…

“I was doing all right when I was living with my friend. She was dating Charles Leclerc for a while… that’s how I got to know the team, and Mattia.”

“He told us about your first meeting. And the ball. We saw the photos. You both looked beautiful,” Marta says.

“Thank you,” you nod.

“What about your father?” Luigi asks.

You stare at the screen, surprised by his question.

“You said your parents are divorced and your mother has a new family, but you didn’t mention your father,” Luigi explains his inquiry. “Oh, I hope he’s not…”

“Dead? No, at least I don’t think so…” you can hear the coldness in your voice.

Isn’t it perfect? Once they will learn how fucked up your dad was and probably still is, they will label you as a girl with daddy issues. That’s just inevitable.

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Luigi says. “I didn’t want to pry. It’s… not our business, but… you know what?” He glances at his wife, squeezing her hand. “We might be a little older than your parents, but… if you need anything… we’re here for you.”

You feel a lump in your throat. This is not what you expected… This is… strange. Is this what family feels like? They don’t even know you…

“You’re…” you clear your throat, but it’s tightening again. “You’re very kind.”

“We paid a visit to Sabina and Stefano before we left for Australia,” Mattia changes the topic, giving you a moment to regain composure. “Cindy met Marco and Chiara.”

“We know,” Andrea nods. “Chiara called grandma right after you left.”

“She did? What did she say?”

“She said that you lost a lot of weight,” Andrea smiles.

“I lost… a bit,” Mattia agrees. “From my belly.”

“Is there a way to send them some food?” Marta glances at her younger son.

“It’s not because I’m not eating, mum…”

“I didn’t say that!”

“He’s exercising more,” Andrea adds, smirking.

“Cindy’s taking good care of me,” Mattia assures his family.

Andrea chuckles. “Exactly.”

“She’s a good cook.”

“You’re better,” you say. And even though you really mean it, and you’re not even teasing him, it does come out as passive aggressive.

“Mattia was always a great help in the kitchen. He’d clean everything so well it would shine like new!” Marta says, staring at her husband with a funny face.

“You know what? I give up. I’m going to clean those dishes right now. Because I have a feeling that you will not let me sleep because of that…” Luigi gets up from the chair. “You have a lovely mother, Mattia.”

Mattia smiles. “I know.”

“We’ll talk more another time. The reason why your dad’s going to the kitchen, is because he’s hungry.”

“That’s not true!” you hear Luigi’s distant voice.

“Anyway, take care of yourselves.”

“You too, mum. I love you.”

“I love you too. Have a nice evening, Cindy.”

“You too.”

Mattia’s mother leaves the room, meanwhile Andrea takes her seat.

“How are they doing?” Mattia asks.

“Some of their doctor’s appointments were cancelled,” Andrea says. “They can’t visit their neighbours. I am not letting mum out of the house, so I do the groceries myself, but she’s always unhappy with my choices.”

“Thank you for taking care of them.”

“I have help, but please visit them as soon as you can. They miss you and they talk about you all the time. I know that you are busy and you’re not alone anymore, so it probably doesn’t bother you that much, but… your parents need to see you from time to time. Just to be sure that you’re healthy and well.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I’ve been doing damage control all winter long and I… lost the track of time.”

Andrea doesn’t seem satisfied with Mattia’s excuses. “It’s not good for you. It must be quite handy that Cindy wants to follow you when you work, but… it’s not optimal. You can’t work all the time.”

“I’m not,” you detect a hint of annoyance in Mattia’s voice. “And I doubt it’s the biggest problem right now.”

“Just… remember to have a life, okay?”

“I will. Thank you for setting this call up. We should do it again, maybe next week?”

“Sounds good. It was nice meeting you, Cindy.”

“Likewise.”

“Bye.” Mattia disconnects the call, his face tense.

You don’t know what to say and he doesn’t seem to know either. You didn’t expect his family to be so critical of him. You understand their point of view, but you also feel personally responsible… And at the same time… they offered you… support.

He turns to you. The weight of his gaze is palpable. Normally, you love to feel it, but right now, it’s just heavy…

“I’m glad you came back,” he says. “Even if just to hear how unhappy they are with me.”

You frown. “They miss you.”

Mattia looks you in the eye.

You look down first. “It’s my fault because I’m anti-social. You don’t want to leave me alone, so you end up stuck at home with me.”

“You’re not anti social. You’re just shy.” He gets up from the kneeling position, grimacing. “And sometimes scared,” he adds, closing the laptop.

“I thought you said that I’m tough.” You’re getting choked up again, and angry for some reason. As if he was saying the truths that piss you off.

“Are you?” He puts a hand on your head in a tender gesture.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re making me angry…”

“You don’t look angry.”

Tears fill your eyes, and you feel compromised on all possible levels.

“Come over here.” He pulls you gently by the hand.

You get up from his chair and you turn to him.

You’re so angry, hell yeah, you can’t wait to… to… hug him.

“You should trust me more, honey,” he whispers, closing his arms around you. “Why didn’t you trust me?”

You could answer because you know the reason. It wasn’t about trust. It was about his inability to understand that you’re not as forgiving and noble as he is. He will never understand the depth of your wounds. Even if he can see them – because let’s face it, he knows how damaged you are – he doesn’t know the pain. He has no idea how deep life cut you. You can’t just leave it behind.

You argue with him in your mind while you mouth stays shut. He’s holding you in his arms; you don’t want to ruin that.

You feel anxious when he leans away and looks at your face. You’re not the happiest person on the planet right now, but at least you’re not crying.

“And now what?” he says softly.

You look up. You just want him to love you, but you don’t know how to say it.

You get on the tips of your toes to press your lips to his. You kiss him gently, paying attention to his reaction and his breathing.

He leans down, just to be more accessible. Allowing you to kiss him again, but this time deeper.

He breaks the kiss. “Bedroom?” he whispers.

“Yes.”

* * *

It rarely goes like this. Usually you use the undressing as foreplay and Mattia slowly takes your clothes off, shifting his attention from one body part to the other. But this time, you stop on one side of the bed, Mattia on the other and you both take your own clothes in silence.

You’re moving swiftly, but without haste. You are quicker, so when you get on the bed, he’s still taking his socks off.

You rest on your side. Waiting. Wanting. Needing him closer.

He turns to you, his gaze sweeping over your body. He joins you in bed, resting on the side as well, searching your lips to kiss you gently at first. But when your breathing deepens, so do the kisses. And soon enough your man, your king, is on top of you, kissing you as if the world was about to end.

His lips shift to your neck and your ear. It tickles, so you smile. And you see yourself smiling in the mirror on the ceiling. You see Mattia’s long legs, the muscle in his thighs tensing as he rubs his growing erection against your inner thigh.

You watch his impressive body, barely seeing yourself under him.

It’s amazing how perfectly his narrow hips fit between your thighs. He’s not in yet. It’s a seat fitting. It’s going to be awesome; you can already feel the pleasure kindled deep inside you.

He kisses your lips again, but his hips move to the side, giving space to his precise fingers.

He can feel that you’re ready for him, but it doesn’t stop him from playing with you a little longer.

At some point he grasps your hand and puts it on his hardness. You are careful and gentle, watching his face and feeling a deep satisfaction whenever he sighs.

“You want me to grab a condom?”

He blinks. “I thought you wanted to do it without it.”

You gasp, feeling a tickle of nervous excitement in your belly. “I do…”

“Okay then.”

You get tense as if something unexpected was about to happen.

Mattia shifts on top of you again; you spread your thighs wide, waiting…

You both moan as he slips inside you. It’s as pleasant as always. It can’t get more pleasant because it’s always the maximum. Although…

Mattia looks like he’s in heaven.

You bite your lip, glancing up at the ceiling. He starts moving inside you, his breathing’s already shaky.

You keep staring at your reflection, loving the view. Loving the sensations, the sounds, the hotness, and wetness. Loving the heaviness of Mattia’s body and the size of his cock.

It’s a calm love making. Pretty intense in its own way, because when you’re not staring at Mattia’s body in the mirror, you’re looking straight into his eyes. You both enjoy seeing the little grimaces on each other faces.

He’s not moving fast when you come. He’s deep though, and you like the unusual orgasm that he manages to kindle. It’s deep and long. It doesn’t make you scream; it makes you feel blessed.

You cross your ankles on Mattia’s lower back, pushing in an opposite direction, helping him reach heaven as well.

He’s not wearing a condom… he’s going to come inside you… The though is making you shiver.

You are thinking about his cum when he’s sighing and moaning quietly as his pleasure erupts deep inside you.

Your legs are sliding on his sweaty skin, his hot breath is tickling your ear.

He sighs again, and again.

You close your eyes, putting your fingers into his hair; it’s sweaty too at the back of his head. You caress his scalp as he slowly recovers.

* * *

“Why are you like this?” you ask after a longer moment of silence.

“Like what?” he shifts slightly to gaze into your eyes. He looks lovely. So red, so sweaty, so drowsy…

“Every time we have an argument, and you get angry with me, instead of punishing me, you give me a reward.”

He frowns. Seems like he can’t focus on this conversation when he’s still inside you.

He pulls out, grimacing. No need to get rid of a used condom this time… You can hug and cuddle straight away.

“Why would I want to punish you?” he asks, reaching to your face to caress your cheek.

“Because I didn’t tell you about my father.”

He does that quick head shake. “So? Did you expect me to stop loving you because of that?”

“No, but… you looked disappointed.”

He sighs. “I want to know what’s going on. That’s it. I’m not going to force you to do anything. I won’t pressure you. And most of all, my love for you doesn’t depend on your relations with your dad.”

“I’m sorry,” you feel tears in your eyes, but you’re not sad. “I guess I didn’t want you to judge me. I know that I’m damaged. And I know that you can fix everything. But I’m scared. I don’t know if I can… be a different person.”

“You’re just you.” He shifts to press his lips to your forehead. “And you don't need fixing because I love you exactly the way you are.”


	26. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to finally find out what's in that letter from Cindy's mum. But this chapter is mostly about Mattia pretending to be a UPS delivery guy. And about making a role-play too complicated :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're doing well. Please, leave a comment. Not just about this chapter, but in general. I would be very happy to hear from you.

“Did I hear the doorbell?”

“Yes, there’s a package for you; I left it in the hall.” You hand Mattia a cup of coffee and a little plate with three large oatmeal cookies. “Do you want me to go and get it?”

“No, I’ll check it later.” He takes a sip of coffee, looking for space to put the plate on the desk. Judging by the mess, he’s having a busy day.

“Do you need any help?”

“Could you put the pages in order and bind them together?”

“Of course.”

He’s working from home, but there’s a lot of documents that require his hand signature. A courier delivered another batch this morning. Mattia must go through all of them. Once signed, they will be picked up the next day.

He scratches his head. “Would you be so kind to check the mailbox?”

“I already did.”

“Anything from the factory?”

“No.” There was something in the mailbox. Jess sent you the letter from your mother. The envelope is too heavy for a simple letter. You shoved it into a drawer in the bedroom, anxious to even hold it.

Mattia seems stressed with his work. He needs a calm support. And you doubt you will still be calm and stable after opening that letter.

“I can check again later,” you suggest, making sure that you put the pages of the document in the right order.

Mattia’s eating a cookie. Carefully, keeping the plate under his chin because he doesn’t like crumbs on his desk. He shakes his head. “I will do it myself.”

By the time you are done with sorting, the plate and the cup are empty.

When you reach for them, Mattia quickly grasps your hand.

“Thank you,” he says, his voice warm, before kissing the back of your hand.

“You’re welcome,” you smile, touching the curls above his temple with the hand he just kissed. “Enjoy your work.”

“I’ll try.”

You can feel his stare as you walk out the room. You close the door behind, leaving him alone in his little office.

* * *

“I will clean the dishes,” Mattia says after dinner. “Do you have any plans for later?”

“My plan was to clean the dishes.”

“No, let me.” He takes a dirty plate from your hand. “When I’m done, I’ll go out to check if there’s any mail. I could pretend to be a delivery man if you want to play. You’d be the person who has no money to pay.”

“Don’t you want to rest a bit after eating?”

“I am resting right now.” He studies you for a moment. “You’re not in the mood.”

“I don’t know…”

“It’s okay. It was just a suggestion.”

You hate those moments when something is bothering you and you don’t know what it is. Wait a minute… it’s the letter from you mum!

After entering the bedroom, you open the drawer. You grab the heavy envelope, and you head back to the kitchen.

“What’s that?” Mattia glances at your hand, a kitchen cloth flung over his shoulder.

“It’s that letter from my mum. Jess send it here.”

Mattia closes the dishwasher before pressing a couple of buttons to turn it on. “So? What’s in it?”

You sit down behind an empty kitchen table. “I don’t know, I haven’t opened it yet.”

Mattia grabs a chair and puts it next to yours. “I know you, love. You’re a survivor. And the thing that people like you hate the most is uncertainty. You can deal with whatever’s in that letter but only after you open it.”

“Could you do it?”

He seems surprised, but it takes him only a few seconds to reach for the letter. He uses a butter knife to open it.

You stare at his long fingers as he fishes the content out. It’s a white piece of paper, folded around something…

“It’s just photographs,” Mattia says, his face softening as he studies one of them. “I assume that’s your step-siblings.”

You take the photos; there’s a bunch of them. Printed like in the old days; ready to be put in a frame and hung on the wall.

“Yes… it’s…” your throat tightens when you look at two small humans staring into the lens of the camera. It's been a while since the last time you’ve seen them. “It’s David and Lucy.”

“They’re smaller than I thought. How old are they?”

You need a moment to do calculations. “David is nine and Lucy will be seven soon.”

“Can I see the rest of them?”

“Yes, sure…” You check the rest of the photos, showing them to Mattia as well. Lucy and David are on all of them; looks like they were in a theme park; one photo was taken with school supplies.

“I don’t see any resemblance,” Mattia says.

“It’s because we have different fathers.”

“So, you don’t have the looks after your mum?”

“No…” you grunt. The fact that you look like your father has always annoyed you.

“That’s good.”

“Why?” you look up; Mattia has that cheeky face expression. He must be relieved that there are no hospital bills in the letter.

“I was worried that your mum would be as pretty as you and… she’s kind of age-appropriate for me…”

You roll your eyes.

Mattia laughs at your reaction. “She’s forty four, right?”

“She is… But please stop putting ideas in my head. I’d never accept you as my stepdad.”

“But your mum would be so happy!”

“Are you trying to make me jealous?”

“I don’t have to try. You are jealous all the time.”

You playfully punch him on the shoulder.

“Ouch,” he says, sounding more amused than in pain.

“It didn’t hurt.”

“It didn’t, you’re right.” He takes the first photo; the one with the kids staring into the camera. “They look happy. Seems like your mum is taking good care of them.”

You sigh. “I hope so… And now I look like a jerk by not thanking her for the letter.”

“You can still do it. She’s probably aware that she sent it to the wrong address.”

“Sometimes I wish I was less pessimistic. I was so sure it would have something to do with my father…”

Mattia opens his mouth before closing it and letting out a long sigh.

“What did you want to say?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I want to know.”

“We become slaves to what we hate.”

His words are true, but they also provoke a burst of defiance in you.

He gets up from the chair. “I better check that mail.”

Sitting alone in the kitchen, you process your emotions. The letter had nothing to do with your father. You don’t owe him anything. Time to let go.

* * *

Mattia enters the bedroom when you are on the phone with your mum. His pleased smile warms every fibre of your body.

It’s not about doing what he wants. It’s not about meeting his expectations. After talking to his parents and learning how unsatisfied they are with him, you realize that you’re both on the same boat. You both can do better.

“I figured you could use a photo of David and Lucy to put somewhere in your new, big house. But I couldn’t decide which one to pick.”

“I like the one from the theme park. They look so excited.”

“We were on vacation together. Me, Robert, and the kids.”

“That’s nice.”

“It will probably sound strange, but I hoped they would forget you. Lucy was too small to understand, but David kept asking me when you were going to come back after you moved out. I got annoyed one time and I told him that you left because you didn’t like us anymore.”

“Oh, god… Why would you…”

“I know. It was stupid. But they stopped asking. Until January when I told Robert about your new… boyfriend.”

“His name is Mattia.”

“I know.”

“You never use his name and boyfriend sounds funny for a man his age.”

Your mum clears her throat. “That’s true. So, I told Robert about him. He told his friends at work. We were all intrigued. And now they’re all following Formula 1. Robert started chatting about it at home, little David got interested. He’s very smart for his age. I think he believes that you work for Ferrari too. And he talked with Lucy about it.”

You can’t help but smile. “Do you want me to send you a photo of me and Mattia holding hands so that you can explain that he is not my boss?”

“That’s a good idea.”

Your eyes grow wide. “I was joking…”

“I could use a photo. We will not share it without your permission.”

“We are publicly a couple, mum. It’s not a secret.”

“I’d be happy to get a photo from you. Still the same address.”

“Okay… And thank you for the letter. Say hi to Lucy and David from me.”

“I will. Take care.”

Mattia sits down on the bed next to you. “She wants a proof that we are a couple?”

“For the kids, because they think that I work for you.”

“A photo in bed would probably be inappropriate.”

“Very… I will send it to her via email. It’ll be faster.”

“What if we send the kids a huge box of Italian candy? Wouldn’t it be great?” Mattia suggests.

You look at him, fascinated by the excitement in his eyes.

“Nothing expensive. Normal candy. But a lot of different kinds. And we’ll attach a letter with a photo to it.”

“I love you.”

“That’s a yes or no?”

You shift on the bed to slide into Mattia’s arms. “Yes to everything you say.”

* * *

You check the selfie you just took. “You look old,” you say, grimacing.

“That’s what happens when I sit next to a young person.”

“We can fix that. We just need a different angle.”

“Or a time machine.”

“Shut up.”

He’s always ready to flash the most charming smile into the camera.

“It’s too dark. We should try in the morning.”

Mattia diverts your attention with a kiss on the cheek, while snatching the phone from your hand. “Let me.”

He has longer hands, which gives him a better chance of finding a good angle.

You snuggle up to him, almost cheek to cheek. “Your hair looks dull in this light,” you sigh.

“And you look like you could use some tickling.”

You dart away immediately. “Don’t!”

“I was thinking about the good kind.”

“There is no good kind.”

“Yes, there is, and you know it.” He lifts an arm. “Come back, I almost had it.”

“No.”

“What’s that pout about?”

“You turned me on with your good tickling talk. I can’t get photographed like this!”

“I can turn you off if that’s a problem.” He looks at you with a serious face but not really.

You stay quiet because his suggestion is just ridiculous.

“You must be really horny if you forgot how to speak,” he says, putting the camera away. “Just as you said, we better take some pictures tomorrow morning when I’m freshly shaved. And now…” he pulls you closer. "Let's tickle each other."

You push him gently away. “I have a better idea. How about you go outside and ring the bell and… deliver me that package?”

“With wild pleasure.”

* * *

When he leaves, you quickly undress. You put a bathrobe on and a pair of slippers. Waiting for the doorbell, you figure out who you are going to be and what’s the explanation to your outfit. Hopefully, Mattia’s act will go well with your idea.

Whatever he’s doing downstairs, it’s taking longer than you expected. But you know how much both of you value patience, so you just sit in silence, contemplating the magical feeling of being horny and knowing that someone will soon take care of it.

Finally, the doorbell rings. You jump to your feet, excited. Fixing the bathrobe in your waist, you scurry down the stairs and you head for the door.

_Don’t laugh. Just don’t laugh. Whatever’s going to happen, stay in character._

The easiest way to keep yourself from laughing, is to have dirty thoughts. You never feel like giggling when you envision yourself on Mattia’s desk.

Blush spreading on your cheeks, you grab the doorknob.

“Good evening, miss Matthews, here’s a package for you.”

You stare at the man in front of you. He’s wearing a full UPS outfit (probably a winter edition). Khaki trousers, khaki button-up shirt (long sleeves, not rolled up) with a pocket and two pens in it. He also put a cap on, somehow fitting all his bouncy curls under it.

“My cure! I’ve been waiting so long…” You want to pretend that your hands are shaking, and you make it look ridiculous as you reach for the package.

“That would be four thousand euro,” Mattia says.

You gape at him. “Four thousand?”

Mattia studies the package. “That’s correct.”

“But… I don’t have that much money…”

“You can pay with a credit card.”

“I… wish. I’m in a serious medical emergency and I spent all my savings on drugs that didn’t help at all.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I can return tomorrow. Maybe you’ll manage to get the money until then.”

You look down, wondering if you could make yourself cry. You try to look devastated. “I can’t wait another day, sir… I just… can’t take it anymore. I’m afraid that I will do something drastic."

Mattia frowns. “Please, don’t say things like that, miss. I wish I could help, but I can’t pay for you. I’m just a delivery guy, we’re not the richest people in the country.”

“I know, I’m sorry. My illness is very distracting. I wasn’t thinking when I made the order… I can’t think straight now too. Oh god…” You put a hand on your underbelly. “It’s killing me.”

“Have you seen a doctor?” Mattia is studying you with a well-played concern.

You snort. “Yes! She said that I should let someone fuck me into oblivion. So much for professional help.”

Mattia’s eyebrow goes up. “You should do what?”

“I’m a freak of nature, okay? I need something… large to get satisfied, but I’m not going to chase after huge dicks. I don’t trust men with huge dicks, okay? How do you even know if a guy has a huge dick?”

Mattia glances at this crotch in the most theatrical way.

“It’s a huge dildo, okay?” you spit, nodding toward the package. “Huge, expensive, work of art because I have allergies. And I need it. I’m on a verge of orgasm since weeks. If I move, if I just walk, it gets worse, but when I try to satisfy myself… I can’t reach the spot. I’ve been play with myself for hours and I only grew tired because nothing works!”

“How do you know that a large dildo will help?”

“I… don’t. But… there’s that spot deep inside me that I can’t reach with my fingers. I wanted something safe and clean. I don’t want to get an infection or hurt myself in any way.”

Mattia licks his lips, glancing around before he decides to leave the package on a shoe cabinet. He takes his glasses off and rubs his eye as if he was sweating with stress. “I want to help you, miss. I can’t pay for you, but there is something I could do.”

“What is it? I’m really desperate here…”

Mattia puts a hand on his crotch. “I have the tool you need, I just… don’t know if I have the skill.”

You swallow, throwing a glance at his body. “How much will it cost me?”

Mattia shakes his head. “Please. You are a young, beautiful woman… Besides, I am not sure how it will go because… I’ve never been with a woman before.”

“Oh, are you gay?”

“No, ha-ha.” He takes the cap off. “I’m just insecure.” He ruffles the curls with a hand, making them full and bouncy again.

“You have a beautiful hair, sir.”

“Thank you.”

“You are much older than me, but I am still aroused, as always, so I think we could give it a try.”

Mattia kneads the cap in his hands, in a nervous gesture. “I wish I knew where to begin…”

“We should probably go to my bedroom.”

“Yes, that sounds reasonable.”

“Please, follow me.”

After he takes his boots off, you lead him upstairs in silence, the sexual tension raising hairs on your skin.

He’s an older, shy delivery guy who’s somehow still a virgin, and clearly intimidated by your youth and beauty. He has a big cock, but he never learned how to use it. But now he’s motivated to make it work because a beautiful lady needs his help. What a lovely set up. Not what you expected, because you imagined that he’d pay for the package if you agreed to suck his dick but that would be too predictable. Not to mention that it’s an awfully expensive package. Your sex skills are great, but he’s just a delivery guy. He can’t afford a four-thousand-euro blow job.

“You have a really nice house, miss Matthews.”

“Thank you.”

“And a nice bedroom.”

“Sorry for the mess. I was… trying to relieve myself… but all I managed was pain in my arm.”

“I should probably wash my hands first. I’m not using gloves at work, and I’d hate to… put my dirty fingers in…” he clears his throat. “On you.”

“So considerate of you! The bathroom is over there.”

Mattia always makes sure his hands are clean before he starts using them. There’s no secret intention behind it, he’s just following his standard routine.

You wait in the bedroom, planning your next move. Should you make him take his clothes off? Or will it be more fun to keep them on? Do you want a long foreplay? Or should he go straight to the point?

“I’m back,” he says, pausing in the doorway. “So, how do I proceed?” he asks, scratching his head. “I don’t know how deep that spot you mentioned is, but I have long fingers. I could… try to reach it, that would probably be the easiest way.”

You nod, playing along. This is not how it’s going to end. But for now… you must pretend that you don’t want to bother him.

“I don’t like the haste,” you say, getting on the bed. “But you are still on the clock; I’d hate to waste your time.”

You lean back against a pillow in a half-sitting position, untying the bathrobe. “It’s so awkward…” you giggle, exposing yourself.

Mattia is clearly aroused, he’s not pretending.

“I hope I still look attractive in this… odd pose.”

He looks you in the eye. “You are the most beautiful woman on the planet.”

“Oh… that’s nice to hear, although you probably haven’t seen many naked women in real life.”

“That’s true… Not in real life.” He swallows, his gaze dropping to the place of interest.

“You will have to be gentle, sir, because I’ve been touching myself all day and… I’m a bit sore. I don’t know how it happened, but I was completely dry. Horny but dry. I was using my own saliva as long as I could, but after a while my mouth got dry too.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t swallow then…” he says quietly before slowly approaching the bed. He starts rolling up his sleeves.

You watch it in silence, pretending to be nervous.

“Which finger should I…”

“Your index finger and your middle finger,” you reply before he gets to finish the question.

“Both?”

“Yes. It will be easier if you wet them.”

“Oh, okay…” He quickly puts two fingers in his mouth.

“That’s not enough.”

“I can do it again later…”

“No, but when you put them inside me, you won’t be able to lick them again.”

He frowns.

“They will be wet with my… body fluids… I don’t even know your name, sir. Do you really want to taste my body fluids?”

“I think I do. Because you are… so gorgeous.”

You smile, grateful for another compliment. “All right. I’m ready.”

He shifts closer to your hips, wetting his fingers again, this time more thoroughly and reaching between your legs. “Are you sure two fingers are not too much?”

“Here, let me help…” The virgin delivery guy needs some guidance.

He looks you in the eye when you push his fingers inside.

“Deeper.”

“You’re so warm…”

“Deeper, don’t be afraid.”

“There’s a lot of warm, smooth space inside… Am I reaching the spot?”

Yes, he is, but letting him know would end the fun.

“Not sure. It’s not activated.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have to slide your fingers in and out. Slowly at first.”

“Okay.”

“And… could you give me your other hand?”

“Of course.”

“Wet your index finger.”

He does.

“Place it here… and brush this spot. Lightly. Keep it wet.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, that’s perfect…” It’s too perfect! You’re going to come in a couple of minutes if it continues like that. Which is not great, because you were supposed to be hard to satisfy.

Mattia wets his index finger again. And gapes at it, his face shocked.

“What is it?” you ask, grateful that his other hand stopped moving.

“I tasted you.”

“Yeah, I… warned you. It’s too intimate. Try to avoid it.”

“Fascinating…”

“It’s because you never tasted a woman. You don’t have to do it if you don’t like it.”

“But I do like it…”

“You do?”

“I need to try again to make sure.”

He brushes the wet spot with his fingertip again before lifting it to his mouth. “This is… I want more…”

Before you have the time to react, his glasses are off, his mouth and tongue all over your sensitive spots. The fingers start moving inside you again.

You moan loudly. “Slow down…”

He ignores you.

“Mattia, please. You’re going to make me come.”

“So what?” You can barely hear his muffled voice.

“Mattia, stop…” You want to push him away, but it’s too late. “Fine, don’t… stop… oh my lord…”

Your mind goes blank for a few seconds as a hot orgasm burns through your nerves.

Mattia keeps touching you gently until you open your eyes and sigh with bliss.

“It worked, didn’t it? I reached the spot,” he sits up, removing his hand. “Why are my trousers so tight…” he winces, stretching the fabric.

“Your mouth felt amazing…” you sigh, blinking hazily. “I didn’t expect to enjoy it so much.”

“Well, that’s a relief, because I wasn’t supposed to… do that…” He glances at the bulge in his crotch. “Now what do I do with this thing? It would be irresponsible to drive in this state.” He picks himself up.

You grab his wrist to stop him. “Would you stay for a few minutes? What you did was… miraculous, but I want to make sure I’m really cured.”

“Sure…” he smiles softly. “To be fair, I was surprised that it worked so well. It was not the cure that your doctor prescribed.”

“Maybe it’ll be enough.”

“Let’s hope so.”

“Yes, let’s.”

Let’s not.

He gets up, stretching his long legs. He makes a few little jumps before starting to walk from one side to the other side of the room, pulling on his trousers.

“It’s not going away, isn’t it?” you say, getting rid of the bathrobe and following him with a lazy gaze. “Probably because you keep rubbing it.”

“I do? I didn’t even realize…”

You smirk. “I can take care of it, in a quick and effective way.”

He glances at you shily. “You’re making me nervous with your suggestions…”

“Are you nervous enough to lose that erection?”

“Not yet…”

“It will work both ways. Let me handle it.”

He stops, looking so convincingly insecure that you are starting to feel protective of him.

“Come over here. It won’t hurt, I swear.” You pat the bed next to you.

“Oh, I know…”

“It might get a bit messy though, so I’d like you to take your clothes off.”

He sits down. “You don’t want to see my old body.”

He doesn’t stop you when you reach to unbutton his shirt. “I will focus on the job, sir. Don’t worry.”

Once his shirt is off, you get off the bed, shifting to your knees in front of him. “It barely fits in there…” you whisper, staring at his crotch. “You must be really uncomfortable right now.”

He’s speechless. Probably because you’re opening his fly.

As gently as possible, you reach into his pants. You grasp his erection, and you pull it out. “There you go… Better?”

“I’m a bit dizzy…”

“Could you take your clothes off? We don’t want sticky stains on your uniform.”

“That’s… wise…” He undresses, leaving his trousers, boxer shorts and socks on the floor.

“Don’t forget to breathe. It won’t take long.” It’s a lie because your intention is to make it as long as possible.

You pretend that you see this cock for the first time in your life. And you’re fascinated by this new discovery. You study it with your fingers. You learn how it fits in your hand.

“This is worth more than four thousand euro,” you whisper, slowly working your fist up and down.

“It’s yours for free.”

You laugh shortly. “I feel like I should pay you for this privilege.”

He shakes his head, grimacing.

“But I have no money. All I have is my body. My hands, and my mouth… Can I suck it, sir?”

He lets out a shaky whimper. “I don’t want… to die…”

“You’re not going to die, silly. I promise. Just… nod. Yes, that’s my boy…”

He let’s out a moan that sounds exaggerated, but it’s still hot as hell.

You’re doing what you do best; using all the experience that you have. But you pay close attention to his reactions just in case he was closer to coming than you think.

When he purses his lips and starts breathing loudly through his nose, you take a break.

“Oh no…” you grimace. “It’s back again…” Groaning, you slide a hand between your legs.

“What?” He fails at hiding his amusement.

“The itching hunger. I’m still cursed!”

“I guess my fingers are not long enough.”

“You think?”

You both avoid looking at each other because you don’t want to burst into laughter.

“I think I will have to put my penis inside you, miss Matthews.”

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

Mattia grins, almost cracking up.

“Should we use protection, sir?”

“We should…”

“Let me see what I can find.”

You open the drawer in the nightstand before snatching a condom.

“It’s a lucky coincidence that you keep king sized condoms in your nightstand,” Mattia smirks.

“I wanted to put them on the dildo. And it’s a large model.”

“Right…”

“Do you know how to put a condom on?”

“In theory…”

“I’ll do it for you. You just hold your… healing stick.”

Mattia chuckles. “Can we stop?”

“What?”

“We’re out of character anyway.”

“No, not yet. Not before you heal me.”

“If you want to be fucked into oblivion, we’d have to go to my office.”

“I don’t feel like going anywhere.”

“You seem to know what you’re doing, miss Matthews.”

“That part was easy. Now we’ll have to try to reach the spot. And it’s deeper than we initially thought.”

“Maybe you should be on top,” he suggests.

“I agree.”

You kneel astride his lap. He’s not particularly helpful. He’s just enjoying the view as you position his hardness where it needs to be before slowly lowering your hips.

“Mamma mia…” he grimaces. “What a great feeling…”

“It is. The best,” you smile, working your thigh and belly muscles. “I feel you deep, sir. It should be enough.”

Your movement, and the view of your naked body steal his focus. He rests his hands on your hips and watches you in silence.

His stare moves from your belly to your breast. His hand follows the gaze. “So beautiful…” his warm fingers caress your boob, long thumb brushes your nipple. “When we’re done, can I kiss every inch of your magical body?”

“Only if you let me kiss your lips first.”

“You want to kiss me? And old man?”

“Yes… I think you’re an amazing kisser, sir.”

“I have no experience.”

“You already used your mouth on me, sir, and it was spectacular.”

“Ah, yes, I knew what to do, even though it was my first time.”

“Exactly…”

“Can we kiss now?”

“Yes.”

He sits up, pulling you in his arms. Moving your hips just a little to feel his hardness rub against the sensitive spots inside you, you start kissing deeply. Mattia’s not shy with his tongue. Neither of you seems to want to stop. But your entire body is reacting to it. And at some point, you feel the tension inside you increasing rapidly.

You hips twitching, you gasp straight into Mattia’s mouth. “Ouch…”

He leans away. “Are you having an orgasm?”

“Yes?”

He puts a hand on your lower back, pushing you closer for a better penetration.

You close your eyes, enjoying the sensation, but the pleasure dims quickly.

“It was a small one,” you admit, putting your hands on Mattia’s shoulders and blinking to focus on his face. “We should continue, because I still want more…”

“Can we try something else?”

“You're the boss.”

"I thought I was a delivery guy," he smiles. “Rest on your side, facing the wall.”

“Yes, sir.”

You lie down on the bed before rolling onto your right side. He’s behind you, also on his side. He bends your left leg, pulling the knee high up, exposing the pink, lust-stained skin.

“Are you going to fuck me from behind?”

“Yes.”

“A lazy version, I like it.”

He pushes inside you; the angle is unusual but very pleasant.

“I will move fast, miss Matthews. Don’t be alarmed.”

“Oh, thank you for the warning.”

“You’re welcome.”

He starts pushing behind you, making you moan loudly because of the speed and depth.

“Fuck… this is intense…” You grimace hard, putting a hand at the back of your knee to open yourself up even more. You slightly shift your hips; you’re almost on your belly now; you can use the pillow to muffle your moans, but you want Mattia to know how much you’re loving this.

He’s panting behind you; his hands start to slide on your skin.

You find a way to counter his movements, making the entire experience shockingly good.

It doesn’t take long to come when you move together in such a crazy pace. You clench your hand on the sheet, gasping.

Now, this… this is the best orgasm of your life. It has to be. Or you forgot again…

You whimper quietly into the pillow, trying to process all the mind-blowing aftershocks with Mattia still pushing fast.

A moment later he finally reaches the sweet finale, pressing his forehead to your sweaty back. You put a palm on his sweaty hand clenched on your hip bone.

He goes quiet. It takes at least five seconds until he finally draws another breath.

The hand on your hip relaxes before sliding to your breast. He starts petting it gently while nuzzling and kissing the back of your neck.

“Spectacular,” you say, your voice raspy.

“Are you healed?”

“I am fine at the moment… but I’m afraid that only a life-long therapy is going to help me.”

Mattia kisses the side of your neck, shifting his hips to slide out of you. The moment he does, you turn onto your back. And you find his face just an inch from yours.

“Look how much we sweated,” you notice. No wonder his hand is sliding so effortlessly on your skin.

“I volunteer to be your medicine,” he says, leaning down to kiss you.

“I’d love that.” When he leans away, you smile at him. “That was fun.”

“Yes, it was.”

You rest your head on his chest as he slides an arm under your back, pulling you closer.

“We made it too complicated though, ha-ha.”

“The virgin part was so unrealistic,” you say. “You’re way too hot to be a virgin.”

He smirks. “I was close to losing it a couple of times.”

“You don’t say!” You shake your head. “You can do better.”

“If I remember correctly you were the one who called me Mattia a couple of times, so… maybe you could work on your acting too?”

“It’s because I didn’t want to come too soon.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem with me. I make you come too fast, ha-ha.”

“I heard that peak sexuality for women starts at twenty seven so… be ready.”

“You mean you’re not at your peak yet?”

“Apparently not.”

Mattia nods with a funny grimace. “Nice.”

* * *

Yawning, you enter the bathroom, and you spot Mattia wearing a white button-up shirt, brushing his hair. “Oh, you look fancy.”

“I want to look good on that photo for you family.”

“That’s so nice of you. I'd need twenty minutes to get ready too.”

He studies you, putting a hairbrush down. “I was kidding. I have a meeting on Skype.”

“Ah… that makes sense.”

“But it only starts at ten, so if we hurry, we can take that photo before I go to my office.”

* * *

“I look too serious.” You check the photo that you’ve just taken in front of a window. The sun’s shining straight on your faces, giving them a nice, smooth glow.

“Let’s try again.” Mattia is holding the phone.

You shift closer to him, smiling, but when you tell yourself to smile, it never looks natural.

“I love you,” he says softly.

Your reaction is instantaneous. He snaps the photo. You don’t even have to look at it to know that it’s perfect.

“You look happy now,” he judges.

“The happiest.”


	27. Silly distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattia tells Cindy that Seb won't get another contract with Ferrari. She's not happy with the news. They both need a distraction and luckily there's always ART.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see. I had personal issues to deal with, but now I'm back and I hope the updates will be more frequent. I hope you're good. Enjoy the chapter. Please, consider leaving a comment, it doesn't have to be long.
> 
> SPECIAL THANKS TO cherriespeach on Tumblr for "the idea".

_May 11, 2020 _

“No,” he says before turning his attention back to the paper on his desk.

You are confused by his body language. He rarely says ‘no’ to you and when he does, he often smirks which tells you that he just needs more convincing. But this is not one of those times.

“You didn’t even let me explain how passion painting works. I ordered the full kit. There’s a tarp that we’ll use to protect the floor. The paint is dermatologically tested. It’s completely safe. We have two pairs of slippers to keep the floor clean after we’re done. And there’s even a brush in the set; you can use it on me because it probably tickles.”

He sighs, his eyes on the document he is reviewing. “You should’ve asked me before ordering it.”

“I can always return it.”

You try to remember everything you talked about over the last couple of days. You can’t recall any arguments. He appeared quite fond of you. He said ‘I love you’ two times before leaving bed in the morning.

And now he’s quiet, but tense. He’s obviously aware of you standing in front of his desk staring at him, even if he’s avoiding looking at you and seemingly focused on work.

“Do you want me to return it?”

“Yes.”

You look at your hands, an unpleasant feeling spreading in your belly.

“Cindy…” he makes you look up. “Don’t make a big deal out of this, okay? The idea of smearing paint all over is just…” he frowns, “too messy.”

“I just wanted to have some fun, that’s all.”

He studies you for a couple of seconds as if he wasn’t sure if your reaction was genuine.

To be fair, you don’t even know how to feel. You were looking forward to this passion painting experience. But maybe you suspected all along that he’d not be a fan of it? Maybe that’s the reason why you waited to the last possible moment before sharing the idea with him?

“Work is intense right now. Unpleasant, even,” he confesses; your eyes lock once more, and you can tell that he’s honest. “I wish I could turn my brain off and do silly things, but… I can’t.”

Silly things.

He’s talking about passion painting, not you.

But then passion painting is all you were thinking about over the last couple of days…

You feel a lump in your throat. “You seem busy. I better go.” As you quickly turn, he says your name, his voice urgent. The sound of it gives you goosebumps.

Every time he utters your real name like this, it feels as if he were grabbing your soul and holding it firmly in his strong hand.

Are you that fragile? Do you always need his approval?

You freeze, reluctant to turn to him.

“I love you,” he says, his voice softer. “I just don’t love the idea.”

“Okay.” You turn slightly, managing a little smile. You are not a child; you can handle refusal.

He is stressed with work. The car’s not working the way it was supposed to. They only discovered it during winter testing. And now, because of the lock downs, they can’t even start working on fixes and solutions.

After returning to the bedroom, you glance at the passion painting kit that you already unpacked. _Shame_, you think, _it would’ve been fun._ But he said no; you’re going to accept it.

* * *

This silence is strange. Not that Mattia makes a lot of noise while working, but when you’re approaching his home office, your ears are ringing. It’s so quiet as if there was nobody inside.

He’s been in his office since early morning; he has only left it once to use the bathroom. Now it’s past lunch time.

Not more than half an hour ago you heard his voice; he was talking with someone on the phone. But that was then. And now it’s quiet. No hitting the keys, no tearing on useless paper to turn it into little scraps, no clicking with the pen or other motor tics that Mattia’s busy hands are usually occupied with.

Maybe he dozed off? Or he wants to spook you and he’s waiting by the door, holding his breath?

You knock three times, as you always do. And usually, you hear something sweet in response, like “it’s open, love.” But this time a thick silence returns.

You wait a couple of seconds, pricking up your ears. You catch a faint squeaking of the leather chair. Mattia is definitely inside, not sleeping.

You knock again.

“Come in,” he says at the same moment.

His voice sounds muffled. He is aware of it because he immediately clears his throat.

Seeing you, he sits upright, pressing his lips together into a line so thin that you can barely see them.

You know him well enough to see right through his posture. It’s not normal.

“You hungry?”

“I still have a lot of work to do.” He reaches for a pen; clicking it nervously, he looks down at the desk, but there’s no documents to sign. Only a large pile of paper scraps.

“What’s wrong?”

He fidgets in the chair, avoiding eye contact.

You move closer, getting to the other side of the desk.

If there was nothing wrong, he would have invited you to sit in his lap. Or he would’ve opened the drawer where he keeps his sweets, and you’d share a candy or two.

“I’m not hungry right now,” he says; the clicking intensifies.

“Mattia…” You sit down on the edge of the desk, studying him thoroughly. “What happened?”

“It’s work. I can’t talk about it.”

“Did you get fired?”

He allows himself a wry smile, but it fades away quickly. “Nope.”

You extend your hand to touch his round chin. “I can see that something is bothering you.”

Feeling your touch, he finally stops clicking and closes his eyes. “I shouldn’t…” He chews on his bottom lip. Finally, he subtly shakes his head and sighs. “You’re going to find out tomorrow anyway.”

“Find out what?” Something heavy and cold starts growing in your stomach. Judging by his reactions, the thing that you’re about to hear is not happy news.

“I just talked to Sebastian.”

So, it’s about Sebastian… So many things could have gone wrong. Maybe he got sick? You recall the strange illness he came down with at the start of the testing. Or maybe it’s about Hanna and the kids? Maybe they got infected with COVID-19?

“And?”

“This will be his last season with us.”

You stare at Mattia, frowning.

He was tasked to negotiate a new contract with Sebastian. And for some reason…he failed…

“What? Why?”

He shrugs his shoulders as if he had no idea. But he does… he must know!

“What did he want? And why did you have to decide before the season even started?”

Mattia buries his face in his large palms, sighing heavily again.

“Did he want the number one status? Or was it about money?”

Mattia shakes his head. “We can’t give him what he wants. Not this year, and not in 2021. The car’s simply not fast enough. He would have had another miserable year.”

Your frown grows deeper. “I don’t believe it. He would never abandon the team. He loves Ferrari. He won’t just go to a better team because there is no greater team in his mind.”

Mattia fixes his glasses. “I know…” his voice breaks; he runs a hand across the desk surface, bulldozing the paper-scrap mountain.

“Why couldn’t you agree on something then? You said you wanted to keep him. And he wanted to race for Ferrari. I’m sure of it.”

“The world has changed with this pandemic.”

“What do you mean? Does he want to retire? Is that it? Maybe he realized how much happier he is at home and he decided to stay there?”

Mattia let’s out another sigh, this time he sounds a little annoyed. “I don’t know what he’s going to do in the future. He’s still racing for us this season.”

“Yeah… right…” you scowl. “How do you expect it to go? I really don’t understand why you had to decide so early.”

“I wanted to give him more time to look for options.”

“So… he’s not retiring?”

“I told you already, I don’t know.”

“I doubt he will get a seat at Red Bull or Mercedes, so… he left Ferrari for what?”

Mattia clenches his jaws before looking at you sternly. “He didn’t leave. It wasn’t… his choice.”

You were doing so well to cope! Asking questions, looking for logical explanations, trying to figure out Seb’s motivations… and now Mattia tells you that the reality is… completely different.

“It was yours…” you say quietly.

“I did what I had to do.”

“But you said…” You shake your head in disbelief. “How could you do this to him?”

Mattia straightens his back. “I get your reaction, but… I also know that you’re smart enough to understand my point of view.”

Your vision blurs with tears. “Well… I guess I’m not as smart as you think,” you mutter before storming out of the room.

* * *

You reach the bedroom, you grab your pillow, your laptop, your phone, and the clothes you sleep in. You don’t feel like listening to Mattia's PR talking points. He can sleep alone. At least he won’t have to look at your silly behaviour. And you won’t have to deal with his disappointed face.

You’re not smart enough for him. Your thoughts, your emotions are silly. You might be closer to thirty than twenty, but you’re still not mature enough for him.

_Well, forgive me, but I can’t just turn my heart off!_

You quickly walk to the living room, putting the laptop on the table before taking a couple steps back to close the door.

He got rid of Sebastian. Ferrari’s biggest fan. He killed Sebastian’s dream…

Why? Because of the mistakes Sebastian made last season? But then even during the winter testing Mattia was still talking about Seb being Ferrari’s first choice when it comes to 2021.

Was he lying or did he suddenly change his mind?

You think of Sebastian, sitting in his Swiss home, surrounded by his closest family… Trying to deal with the reality of being unwanted… After all he has done and given to the team…

Confused, shocked, devastated… Betrayed.

You grab your phone. But when you glance at the screen, you realize that you probably shouldn’t talk to anyone about what you just learned. It’s not official.

You could send a message to Sebastian, but… you doubt he wants to hear from you. You are too close to Mattia – the man he must be hating right now.

Should you message Britta? Or Antti? What will happen with them? They are your closest ‘friends’ in the paddock… Well, they were.

You sit down on the couch, hugging the pillow. Even though it’s your pillow, you can smell Mattia on it.

_Why did you do it? He’s a 4-time world champion. He has enormous experience. He loves Ferrari! Almost as much as I love… you._

* * *

You’re hungry, but you’re almost certain that Mattia is not sleeping yet. He could be in the kitchen right now, waiting for you, hoping you have no snacks upstairs. You don’t… And that’s a problem.

It feels right to go to “bed” with an empty stomach. You keep thinking about Sebastian’s fans who have no idea what’s coming tomorrow. Most of them already hate Mattia; how many of them will get obsessed with hate once the news break?

Struggling to fall asleep, you wonder what Mattia is doing. Does he feel lonely in your king-sized bed?

You thought he would knock on the door before going to bed… begging you to talk to him… But he didn’t.

The couch is not as comfortable as your bed; far from it. It’s a great spot for cuddling and more, but not sleeping.

You’re probably oversensitive because it’s already midnight and you’re still awake.

You keep imagining Sebastian, Britta, Antti, Sebastian’s family, Sebastian’s fans, the people at Maranello who love him. Their hearts will soon be broken.

You recall that Mattia hasn’t even told you when the “break-up” will be announced. In the morning? In the afternoon? Or maybe it’s still days away?

You manage to doze off at some point, because you wake up suddenly, hearing Mattia’s phone ringing.

You blink confusedly. Why are you here? Ah, you got angry at Mattia because he thought you have better emotion control…

You can hear him take a call in the bathroom. What time is it? Almost eight. He’s probably shaving.

If he’ll hunker down in his office for the entire day, just like yesterday, you’d be able to sneak out and get something to eat.

You yawn and you rub your puffy eyes. You wish you could message Jess, but you understand what ‘confidential’ means. Mattia has already broken his rule and shared something work related with you that he shouldn’t have shared. You’ll keep it secret, just to protect him.

You open your laptop, starting a new day from browsing social media. Just to spite Mattia who, many times, warned you about it.

Obviously, there’s nothing unusual there because the news is not out yet. Which doesn’t change the fact that the rare people who mention Mattia on Twitter are not his fans.

Mattia finished the phone conversation. It’s so quiet you can hear him turn the water on. A couple minutes later he leaves the bathroom. He can be incredibly quiet when he wants, but this time his footsteps are easy to pick out. He’s going downstairs.

* * *

An hour later, you return to the living room, your heart hammering.

You managed to steal a spoon and a large cup of strawberry yoghurt from the kitchen. There was a cup of coffee on the counter. You weren’t sure if Mattia made it for you or forgot to take it to his office. Anyway, you almost grabbed it when you heard footsteps. It sounded as if he was walking toward the office door. You shot off, nearly tripping on the stairs.

A part of you is amused and glad that you finally get to eat something. But another part is… uneasy.

When was the last time you had to sneak through the house to get something to eat? Apart from those fun times when you and Jess were dieting but both of you were night snacking in “secret”.

You frown, sitting down to use your laptop. You are desperate to distract yourself, but the memories keep coming back.

Your alcoholic father… most of the time alone, but sometimes with friends… Why did they always have to sit in the kitchen? He needed to get completely drunk before going to bed. You waited and waited… hungry and distressed. And when it suddenly got quiet, you had to take the risk and leave your room. In the middle of the night you’d open the fridge. The kitchen stank of piss, because when your father was drunk, the sink was his toilet. All that dread, just to eat a sandwich…

You take a deep breath, pushing the painful thoughts away. Your current situation might not be perfect, but it’s still incomparably better than your past.

Maybe the disappointment you felt wasn’t coming from Mattia. It was surely directed at you, but what if it originated inside you? What would a young version of you think, seeing you lash out because Mattia made a professional call that you didn’t like?

And now you’re acting like a thief because deep down inside you’re ashamed of yourself.

Maybe you should go and talk to Mattia? The thought makes you anxious, but you know that you can’t hide from him forever.

He was right. As usual. It’s difficult to admit it.

You open the cup of yoghurt. Eating it slowly, you wait for your laptop to turn on.

When you check Twitter, you freeze with a spoon in you mouth.

The word is out. Ferrari released an official announcement about parting ways with Sebastian. All the F1 journalists and media outlets are now citing it. It must be quite fresh because there are mostly links. No articles and commentary yet.

You go to the Ferrari official website to read the statement.

> “Maranello, 12 May 2020 - Scuderia Ferrari Mission Winnow and Sebastian Vettel have jointly decided not to extend the current contract covering Sebastian’s services as a driver with the team, beyond its current expiry date of the end of the 2020 Formula 1 season.”
> 
> “Mattia Binotto, Managing Director Gestione Sportiva and Team Principal: This is a decision taken jointly by ourselves and Sebastian, one which both parties feel is for the best.”

Your heart rate is accelerating, anger bursting in your stomach.

> “It was not an easy decision to reach, given Sebastian’s worth as a driver and as a person. There was no specific reason that led to this decision, apart from the common and amicable belief that the time had come to go our separate ways in order to reach our respective objectives.”

“Fuck…” You close the laptop forcefully. _This is not what happened!_

Mattia’s profession is not for angels; you are not naïve. But seeing him lie like that… It hurts. And a hurting animal bites.

You leave the cup on the table, and you rush out of the room, straight to Mattia’s office.

_He can’t get away with it!_

Ready to express your disapproval, you barge into his office without knocking, fury painting your cheeks red.

But the room is empty. The desk is clean. There’s no smell of coffee in the air, not a hint of Mattia’s aftershave.

Your rage is pushed aside by confusion.

Where did he go? The weather’s nice. You can hear birds chirping outside. Maybe he went for a walk?

That’s the upside of not having hardly any neighbours. You can go outside during a pandemic unbothered. A chance of meeting another human being is slim.

Since Mattia is gone, it won’t hurt to read the rest of the statement. There was a quote from Sebastian under Mattia’s words.

While you’re walking past the bedroom, your ears catch a subtle sound. You slow down, trying to walk as quietly as possible. You approach the open door, and you peek inside.

There he is… He didn’t go anywhere. He went straight back to bed…

Even though you can’t see his face, you know that he is not sleeping. He’s covered with a duvet, but his arm is exposed. He’s wearing a white t-shirt. It’s premium quality; he likes sleeping in it when he doesn’t sleep naked.

Torn by conflicting emotions, you back off to the living room.

You sit down to read Sebastian’s words.

> “In order to get the best possible results in this sport, it’s vital for all parties to work in perfect harmony. The team and I have realised that there is no longer a common desire to stay together beyond the end of this season. Financial matters have played no part in this joint decision. That’s not the way I think when it comes to making certain choices and it never will be.”

You frown. “In this joint decision”? Seb’s repeating a lie… And why did he feel the need to mention money?

The more you know, the less you understand. If only there was a way to ask someone directly involved…

You feel tired even though you haven’t done anything so far. Maybe it’s because you haven’t slept well.

After you grab your pillow, you head for the bedroom.

You have so many questions… so many things to say to Mattia, but for now, you just want to lie down in your soft bed. Especially since Mattia warmed it up.

He doesn’t move when you enter. He’s turned away from your side of the bed. But he doesn’t object to sharing the duvet once you slip under it.

He’s disappointed with you; you get that. He probably doesn’t feel like talking to you right now.

It’s okay. You won’t touch him…

You rest on your side, leaving plenty of space between you and him. You stare at the back of his neck. You wish you were brave enough to trim his hair. He doesn’t like when the curls tickle his collar and ears.

What now? The silence doesn’t feel right. You can’t just close your eyes and sleep because he’s not sleeping either. He’s probably waiting for you to apologize…

You clear your throat, ready to do it, but you chicken out.

Taking the initiative, he rolls to rest on his other side. You’re face to face now.

While he’s fixing the duvet, you’re trying to keep calm. You’re anxious to see the disappointment in his eyes again.

He puts both hands under his cheek. “I couldn’t sleep,” he says quietly.

You can feel his stare on your face; he studies you for a moment as if he wanted to check your mood.

By the time you’re brave enough to meet his eyes, they’re already closed.

He looks sleepy and sad…

“I read the statements,” you say, your voice sounding a bit harsh. You soften your expression by reaching out to touch Mattia’s cheek.

He trembles at your touch, but there’s something in his body language that suggests relief.

“You said yesterday that it wasn’t Seb’s choice to leave. So… why are you both talking about mutual agreement in your statements?”

“Because he agreed with my reasoning.”

“But you also said that there was no specific reason that led to your decision.”

“There were many reasons… Seb knows them.”

“Was it about money?”

Mattia smiles lightly. “Didn’t Sebastian specifically say that it was not about money?”

“It’s suspicious.”

Mattia shakes his head. “It’s confidential.”

You frown, unhappy with his sudden secrecy. But you don’t stop caressing his face. His big cheeks that make him look older when he’s sad.

“I overreacted yesterday because I love Seb,” you admit. “I can assure you that it will never happen again. I will do my best to separate private from professional. Just, please…” You shift a little closer. “Tell me why.”

Sighing, he grasps your hand and kisses the inside of your palm before letting go.

You reach to the curls behind his ear.

“When I talked to him at the end of winter testing, he was fully aware that the car is slow and unstable. But he still assured me that he’ll do his best. He’ll improve compared to the last season. He’ll use his experience to help us fix the issues with the car and he’ll squeeze everything out of it.”

When you entered the bedroom, Mattia’s lips were barely visible. Pale and thin. But now they’re getting redder with each second. His heart is beating faster when he can feel your touch.

“I was happy with his attitude. We agreed that we’ll start the negotiations later in the season. I was sure that by that time, when he reminds everyone what he is made of, it will be easy to convince the others.”

“The others?”

“Louis had full confidence in my judgement. He still does. But John… He wanted actual proof that Seb’s difficult season was just a one-off.”

You recall an interview in which Mattia said that “Seb knows what he has to do”. That was consistent with what he was saying now.

“I wanted to give him two years. Just to keep the continuity and stability in the team. Especially since we’re going to have new regulations…” He pauses to scratch his nose.

“So? What changed?”

“The regulation changes were postponed, and we agreed to freeze development on some components to save money. Which means that Sebastian wouldn’t have a chance to fight for the title. Not this year, for sure, and not in 2021. He would waste two more years.”

“But you said that he was aware of it… Despite the engine saga, despite the poor performance during testing, he was still looking forward to race for Ferrari.”

Mattia smiles wryly. “He was holding on to the best seat available, love… That’s the uncomfortable truth.”

“I disagree.”

“Well, just compare his approach to how he handled the negotiations with Maurizio in 2017. Despite all the love for Ferrari that you just mentioned, he was in talks with Mercedes and, if rumours are true, they even signed a pre-contract agreement.”

“But he obviously chose Ferrari over Mercedes, which only proves my point. He loves Ferrari with all his heart.”

“I don’t deny that. I just want you to realize that he had no offer from Mercedes this year.”

“Yes, I understand. He struggled last season and his value declined… So, I guess Elkann was convinced that the struggle will continue, so he decided to end it sooner than later?”

“Something like that.”

“I didn’t know that he disliked Seb so much.”

“Not as a person. He just… lost faith in his driving skills.”

“So, I guess he’s the real boss at Ferrari? Not you or Louis? Because you couldn’t overrule his decision…”

“We disagreed. I was trying to change his mind, but after COVID-19, his arguments started to make more sense.”

“You mean, he convinced you.”

“Yes.”

“But he was not brave enough to call Seb himself?” you ask, reaching to stroke Mattia’s bushy eyebrow.

“It’s my job. I manage the drivers.”

You freeze, realizing something. “Oh God…”

“What?”

“You were preparing yourself to call him when I told you about the passion painting.”

He nods.

“I’m sorry…” You cup his face. You feel like begging his forgiveness with a chaste kiss, but you’re not sure if you can stop at one. And this is not the best moment to lose your self-control.

“It was not a pleasant phone call,” he confesses, his voice tinged with emotion. “I wish you didn’t leave me alone afterwards.”

“I’m so sorry…” You shift so close that your nose rubs against Mattia’s. “I feel awful now, but… I was not expecting…”

You feel Mattia’s warm lips on your forehead. “It’s normal to be overwhelmed, I don’t blame you for it. But I didn’t like your reaction… I thought we were past that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You ran away and hid from me.”

“I was pissed at you. I wasn’t scared.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Because here, in this bedroom, is our shared space to resolve tensions… I don’t mean it in a sexual way, well… that too. But when we disagree about something, I want you to talk to me.”

You would feel really bad if it weren’t for his soft lips smooching your skin and the hand that caresses your shoulder.

“I thought you would follow me…”

“No… that’s not how it works. You didn’t want to see me, so I… respected that. I just… hope the next time when we have an argument, we’ll resolve it sooner. Not the next morning. Because I can’t fall asleep when I know that you’re alone… in a different room…”

“I’m sorry. Forgive me, please…” You feel awful, but also good at the same time. You don’t even know how this is possible.

“There’s nothing to forgive. I just want you to understand what’s the best way forward here.”

“I do understand.”

“That’s great.” Now it’s his turn to touch your face and to look lovingly at you. “I knew that you would be hurt by this decision. I wasn’t even sure how to tell you… I was going to let you find out from the statement.”

“You warned me once. I remember it vividly. You said that Seb works for you, and my relationship with Antti and Britta will not influence your objectivity. I got the message.”

“But you still got angry…”

“My first reaction was to blame Seb. That’s what made me angry because he didn’t do anything wrong. I am still angry, to be honest. I can imagine the theories that will circulate. About money… about status… All those things that Seb wanted but couldn’t have…”

“My comment was edited by our legal team.”

“I assume they did the same to Seb’s statement.”

“Obviously. But he knows how it works. He followed the same procedure when he was joining us in 2014. There are things that you cannot say. It works well for both sides.”

“I’m not sure, Mattia. You made it sound as if Seb was eager to move on just like Ferrari, which is a lie.”

“I can’t fix that. I’m sorry. Not sure if it will make you feel any better, but Sebastian’s not a rookie. He knows the rules of the game.”

“He will lose respect for you.”

Mattia frowns. “I was on his side. But I failed to change John’s mind.”

“Does he know that?”

“Yes. But I can’t play a good uncle just to publicly point fingers at someone else. John convinced me. He convinced Louis. We must look ahead. Things didn’t go our way short-term, but if we focus all our efforts on long-term, we’ll only pay the prize with this season’s results. 2021 will be less painful.”

“Did you take a day off from work?”

“No… I was told to turn my phone off for at least one day. I forgot and picked up Silvia’s call… twice…”

You smirk. “She was checking on you and you fell into her trap.”

“Yeah… She reminded me to stay offline. I really wanted to talk to you, but you were hiding in the living room and I couldn’t focus on paperwork, so I decided to lie down.”

“And now we talk.” You smile lightly.

“Feels better, right?”

“Yes. Do you still want to sleep?”

“I’m hungry,” he says.

“Would you like some scrambled eggs?”

“Sounds great.”

* * *

Mattia turned his work phone off, but his private phone is still working. As you are preparing the late breakfast, you listen to him taking calls from his daughter and his parents. Everyone in Mattia’s family already knows about Seb leaving and they want to make sure that Mattia is okay.

You see the difference between their reaction and yours. In your defence, they were never Sebastian’s fans. You wouldn’t call Sebastian your friend because you only interacted a couple of times, but you were fond of your personal relations with him. You had the right to be angry. You’re not sure how Seb, Antti and Britta will treat you from now on. You probably won’t see them that often.

“Would you call Laurent your friend?” you ask Mattia while you’re eating.

“Of course!”

“But he works for you. Aren’t you worried that one day you or he will have to leave, and you will lose contact?”

“So… the alternative is to not have close relationships with anyone that I’m working with? Only because it might end one day? I’d prefer to have a close friend for two years than have no friends at all. If I had a normal job, maybe it would be different. But I spend a lot of time at work. We travel around the world together. We become friends because we live together. It happens naturally.”

“It makes sense.”

“Why do you ask about Laurent?”

“I was just thinking about your closest co-workers. Because when the worlds returns to normal… if it ever returns to normal, I want to have friends in the paddock too. It won’t be Britta or Antti, I’m afraid. But maybe Charlotte… Silvia…”

“If this season starts, I can assure you that it will not be normal,” Mattia says, his face serious.

“It sucks that this pandemic had to happen when you are the team boss and not someone else.”

“The men before me had their challenges too. It’s never easy for anyone.” He studies you. “Work turned out harder than I thought, but other parts of my life have never been better,” he smiles.

You feel blessed by that warm smile. It makes you beam with sudden joy that you didn’t expect to feel today.

“Do you still have that passion painting kit?” Mattia asks.

Your heart leaps in your chest. “Why? Did you change your mind about making messy art together?”

Mattia nods. “We need a good distraction.”

* * *

You are patient like a saint while Mattia walks around the house looking for a good place to spread the canvas.

“What about the basement?” he suggests, looking around the kitchen and scratching his curly head. There’s no room in the kitchen and there’s obviously not enough room in the bathroom because you used most of it to install your ridiculously large bathtub.

“It’s chilly downstairs,” you notice. “And too dark.”

“I will keep you warm.”

“I don’t doubt that, I would still prefer a light-filled room.”

Mattia turns to you, staring at your face, but deep in his thoughts. “The bed’s too heavy to move, but it would be interesting to do it under the mirror.”

“Oh…” Your body likes the idea a lot. “Too heavy? I bet it’s not.”

* * *

Nothing’s too heavy when you’re motivated by sexual arousal.

It took a lot of sweat though. At first, the bed didn’t even budge. But when Mattia put old rugs under all four bed legs, it finally moved, and you managed to slowly push it toward the closet without scratching the floor.

“Now we have as much space as we normally do on the bed,” Mattia says, spreading the large plastic drop cloth on the floor.

You’re not surprised to see him use additional cloths (that he brought from the garage), not just the one from the painting set. You will be ‘painting’ quite close to the wall. And though that part of the wall is usually hidden behind the bed, Mattia still wants to secure it.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I picked the colours myself,” you say, watching him work, not sure how to help.

“Is blue one of them?”

“Yes.”

“That’s great.”

“I know you really like red, but on the body… it looks like blood.”

“Red makes me think of work.”

“Right. We have navy blue then. And grey and white. Though I would use white at the end because the canvas is white already.”

“Is the paint edible?”

“No… I’m afraid not.”

“One day I’d like to cover you in chocolate.”

You shiver at his words. How can he just randomly put ideas like that in your head? “It would be even messier than this, Mattia.”

“Yeah, but at least it would taste good.”

“We can always taste each other before we start painting.”

Mattia glances at you. “Don’t get me too excited. I’m not done with the cloth yet.”

You smirk, walking up to the painting set on the table by the window. “When we’re finished, we’ll put these disposable slippers on.” You leave the slippers close to the cloth.

Mattia spreads the white canvas in the middle of the cloth.

You place the containers with paint and a little brush next to the canvas. “I’ll go leave the body scrubs in the shower.”

“Okay.”

* * *

After you come back to the bedroom, you see Mattia standing by the bed, staring at the ‘painting area’.

“It looks like a future crime scene, ha-ha.”

“It won’t be that bad,” you approach him and grab his warm hand. “Are you ready?”

“To get dirty?”

“Yeah…”

“Not really, but…” He looks at you with love before tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I hurt your feelings with my professional decisions. Unintentionally, of course, but still… I want to make it up to you.”

“That’s very nice of you.”

“Under one condition though.”

“Which is?”

“Only I can use the paint brush.”

“I can live with that.”

* * *

You’re always shocked by how your level of arousal can go from zero to a hundred in an instant. Every time he take his glasses off. Well, maybe it wasn’t at zero before he did, but you were focused on the setting, going through the whole procedure in your mind. Your hand was in Mattia’s hand; you were registering its warmth but other then that your body was not yet engaged.

Now it is because he’s kissing you. He’s standing in front of you, forcing you to lift your chin up to reach his sweet lips. He’s not bending down far enough. He wants you to climb onto your toes and stretch yourself up because when you do, your body brushes against his. He can feel the curve of your breasts against his torso. The curve of your belly against his crotch.

You only just started, but your skin is already prickling with heat. The scent of your body must be more intense now. And Mattia can smell it.

He shaved quickly right before breakfast. You can still smell his aftershave. But the clothes he is wearing are the same he slept in. Their scent is more personal, more intimate.

He ends the kissing, leaning away. “I’m sorry for interrupting, but I’d like to open the window. It’s such a lovely day outside.”

You let him step away, feeling warmth on your cheeks. You feel a little insecure, not knowing what to do, just like in the old days. Maybe insecure is not the right word since the nostalgia of the sensation makes you happy.

Mattia pushes the curtains aside before opening the window ajar. The sweet smell of May wafts through the air. You instantly hear birds chirping so loudly as if they were having an argument. And a distant car that soon drives away.

Mattia turns to you and smiles. He’s not in a hurry which is always a good sign.

“You want to give me orders?” you ask, eager to guess what’s on his mind.

“No… I just like how innocent you look right now.”

“I’m very innocent.”

“Ha-ha, yes. Practically a virgin.” He extends his hand.

As you grab it, he pulls you gently toward the bed. It’s not in the usual spot, but it’s still very much usable. Much softer than the floor on which the canvas is spread.

You’re not sure if he made any gestures that led to it, or if it was fully your idea, but a moment later, he’s sitting on the bed, legs still on the floor, while you’re astride his lap, kissing him passionately.

Both his hands are under your shirt. His left arm is wrapped around your waist, keeping your crotches pressed nicely together. While his right hand is touching your breasts.

Why are you still wearing that t-shirt anyway? Maybe because it’s more exciting to pretend that nothing is happening there… We are just kissing… while Mattia, like one happy teenager is sneakily playing with the object of his teenage dreams… the boobs.

He has a skill of an experienced lover though.

He knows that he can pinch your nipple when it’s hard. He knows how much force he can apply when squeezing your entire breast in his palm, pushing it. If you start making little hissing sounds, that’s a sign that the massage is perfect.

Since the moment you sat in his lap, your hips never stopped rocking. The result is not just the bulge that’s growing in Mattia’s sweatpants. But also the state of the fabric of your shorts. When a grey fabric gets wet, the stain is visible from space…

How can you not get wet when he kisses and touches you like that? Playing on you like a skilled musician on his beloved instrument, just as he said on your first night together.

You want to caress his chest as well. As you slide a hand under his shirt, he takes it as a queue to take it off. And when he’s pulling it over his head, you quickly get rid of yours as well.

You stare at Mattia’s face, wanting to catch him looking at your naked chest for the first time today. You like the look of awe before his lips latch onto your nipple.

Today though, he decides to pull your shorts down first. He can’t take them off without you changing position. You shift next to him before deciding to get off the bed.

You get rid of your clothes, Mattia does the same with his. As you look at him, first you glance at his face, but your attention is quickly drawn to his crotch.

He’s sitting on the edge of the bed… Naked… Why don’t you kneel straight away? It’s a bit soon, maybe, but he’ll tell you to slow down if necessary.

He doesn’t seem surprised or hesitant when you get on your knees. He is excited, impatient as well, but his eyes are calm and full of trust.

The peaceful sensation fills your heart as well. You use your tongue and lips to gently tease his still-growing erection. You can feel the warm breeze from the window on your back. The birds are much quieter now. Maybe they’re watching?

Look, birds, look how much I love this man. Look how happy I am to make him sigh and tremble… I have power… The power to make him feel good. This magic is spreading like sunshine. It’s multidirectional. I move my head down and up and at the same time a mysterious shiver runs down my spine… a ‘good itch’ tugs between my legs… He’s not touching me there and yet it feels as if he was…

He’s touching your hair, patiently tucking the naughty strands behind your ears, just so they wouldn’t tickle your face.

Sometimes his shoulders twitch or he tilts his head back, sighing deeply. You learned to slow down in those moments. Maybe even lift your head up and give him a while to breathe. Unless you want him to come, in that case you’d move your head faster.

You lick your lips, proud of how much harder you got him. You glance up to check his mood.

He smiles, his hand moving from your hair to your chin. “My turn now.”

_Oh. Well. Nice._

“I don’t know if I can… handle it…”

The sound of Mattia’s amused laughter gives you warm chills. He looks you in the eye, shaking his head. “Would you stop?”

“What?”

“If I didn’t know you, I’d think that you’re not a fan.” He pulls you up by your hands.

If only he knew how fast your heart is beating now! He’d call an ambulance.

“Rest on your back and relax.”

You follow his instruction, blushing like an actual virgin. “You don’t understand… My problem is that I want to enjoy it longer, but it feels so good that my body explodes right away.”

Mattia chuckles again. “I thought that was a problem for guys.”

“You know what I mean!”

“I don’t. Do you think it’s a chore for me? How much time do you want? Ten minutes? Twenty?”

“You’ll make me come in two minutes tops.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

You fix the pillow under your head, keeping your knees together because… well, you’re still talking.

“Ten, I guess. I’m not that insatiable…”

“Twenty it is.”

He gives you a kiss on the lips before you get a chance to protest.

“Let me grab my phone so I can setup the stopwatch,” he says.

His private phone is on the nightstand. It’s on mute, same as yours.

He returns to the bed with the phone and hands it to you. “You start the countdown.”

“When?”

“Oh, you’ll know when,” he smirks.

You hold the phone in a sweaty, trembling hand.

Looks like Mattia is planning to kiss his way down to the desired destination. He’s done it many times in the past, but it never gets old.

And, on top of that, he can finally suck on your nipples. He doesn’t linger though… When his lips smooch your belly, you spread your legs as wide as you can.

_Welcome, my lord. It’s an honour to have you here. I feel truly blessed…_

“Oh… my…” You moan the second you feel his lips.

Twenty minutes of this… You’re going to die!

“Start… the phone,” he mumbles.

“What? Oh, right…”

Mattia does a trick with his tongue and the phone slips from your hand. You try to ignore the stimulation... Just grab that fucking phone!

“Oooh… Jesus… Christ…” You arch your back, grimacing.

Mattia chuckles against your wet flesh. “You want me to stop for a moment?”

“You already did…”

“I’ll wait.”

The way you struggle to press a button on the screen starts to amuse you too.

“Show me,” he says.

Ah, good thing that you actually set it up for twenty minutes despite feeling unworthy.

“Good.”

The phone lands on the soft bed while your hand moves to Mattia’s curls. His forehead is sweaty. Possibly because your thighs are radiating so much heat… Your skin is also clinging to the fabric of the thin duvet under you.

Mattia takes you for a ride into a world of tiny, precise pressures and growing tensions. It’s a small world and yet feels so enormous. You’re swallowed by it. Lost in it. He’s your only guide and saviour. So you hold onto his head.

Your breathing keeps getting deeper and faster.

It’s obvious by his approach that he wants to make you come quickly. There’s no point fighting it. It won’t be the end. He once told you that your first orgasm is merely an aperitive.

It’s a good one. You remember about the open window a bit too late…

“Hush… my sweet _praline_… Hush…” He calms you down pressing gentle kisses to your lower belly and the inside of your thighs.

He grabs your wrists and places your hand between your legs, pushing your fingers against the buzzing spots.

You know what to do to keep the sparkles flying. He wants a little assistance. It’s two hands caressing you now. His, and your own. Mattia seems fascinated by the view…

“How much time do we have left?” you ask, interrupting his study.

“Enough.”

“Five minutes?”

“Oh, much more.”

He leans down again. You quickly remove your hand, welcoming his lips with a long, warm moan.

* * *

Five minutes later you come again. You tell yourself to be quiet, but the pleasure is just too strong.

You rock your hips hard, feeling Mattia’s fingers deep inside you. You’ve sweated like a marathon runner.

Part of you is thinking about the stopwatch. Now it can go off. You’re good.

“You tired?” Mattia asks as you’re groping the duvet next to you, trying to locate the phone.

“Are you?”

“Not a bit.” As if to prove it, he leans down again.

You manage to find the phone. You glance at the screen, blinking hazily… Three minutes left. Who would have thought!

You can chill then. Mattia’s tongue is lazy and slow.

“You’re the best…” you purr.

“Mm-hm.”

“I am very possessive about your skills, sir…” You grimace, feeling a pleasant pull in your underbelly again. Just a short one. It’ll pass. Perhaps some residue of the previous climax. “Jess often makes fun of me, but I really am jealous. No one can ever know how good you are… Or someone will steal you from me. Angelina Jolie or… someone like that…”

He can hear you but he’s not into talking right now. He’s not done yet. Doesn’t seem tired. Doesn’t seem bored.

He leans away and starts caressing you with circular motions of the tips of his fingers. He pats you gently, massages and pats you a couple times again.

You smile every time he does it. It works. Maybe it improves blood circulation or something like that, but most importantly it increases the pleasure.

The alarm goes off.

“That was the best twenty minutes…”

“You’ll get five more for free.”

You bite your lip. “I don’t deserve you,” you rock your lips invitingly. “Just don’t forget that we were supposed to make art.”

“I’m old but I don’t have memory problems.”

You smile. “You look cute.”

Mattia frowns, doing the quick head-shake. “I am focusing.”

“Oh really? I wish I could read your mind when you have that cute face…”

“There’s nothing on my mind. No complicated thoughts. I just… try different things and listen to your reactions. That’s all. And… I indulge myself too because you look delicious.”

“I feel delicious, ha-ha. Thank you for… making me feel this way…”

“You’re welcome.”

Sex has different vibes later in the session. It’s less desperate. More controlled and relaxed. There’s no hurry to release the tension. No hurry to do anything.

Mattia’s hair got fluffier from your caress. The skin around his lips is red. He’s been busy since a while. There’s a reason why he’s the best lover in the world.

You wonder how his erection is doing… Must be half an hour already.

Oh, there it is. He woke you hunger again. Now you just have to hold on to it.

“Stay there…” you beg, propping yourself on your elbows.

You start rocking your hips.

Mattia’s not moving from the spot.

"Good boy," you whisper. Better get it done quickly. You have a painting to… paint.

Mattia’s tongue keeps flicking the spot… you shift your hips a millimetre here and there…

“No… I lost it…”

Mattia moves his mouth away. “It’s okay. I know what to do.” He spits directly on your skin and sits up, stretching his right arm as if he was about to wrestle you.

He pats the spot a little harder than before.

“Maybe we should go to that canvas…”

“Not yet.” He spits on his fingers before brushing the tip of your clit. Barely touching it.

“I’m not sure if it’s going to work…”

The pressure still minimal, he starts flicking the spot extremely fast, making you squirm. “Ouch!”

“Sorry…”

“No, don’t stop. It’s so good…”

You just need to rock your hips and be patient.

You’re amazed how considerate and observant he is. Doesn’t let the spot to get too dry. It would be uncomfortable. You don’t have lube, so his saliva must suffice.

The louder your breathing, the faster his hand moves. His wrist must hurt already.

But it will be worth it… so worth it…

“Ngnn…” A weird sound escapes you when a sharp pleasure explodes right under his fingertips. He moves his hand away completely, making you moan in protest.

He smiles with satisfaction before burying his head between your thighs again. His hot lips latch onto you while you plummet from high heavens into an ocean of bliss.

You always forget how good it can be.

You always forget and he shocks you again just like the first time.

* * *

“I’m completely wet…” you complain after getting back to your senses a couple minutes later.

“Yeah, that’s what happens.”

“I mean I sweated a lot. I hope it won’t ruin the painting.”

“The painting… right.”

“I have to make you come first, Mattia.”

“What?”

“It’s not healthy to stay hard and unsatisfied for so long, mister Binotto.”

“Who said that? Maybe I lost my erection twenty minutes ago?”

“And you just got it back?”

“I did, actually.”

“Don’t let me beg.”

Mattia clears his throat. “I am enjoying myself a lot; don’t worry about me.”

“If you say so, but… I just wanted to let you know that I’m extremely grateful.”

“I am satisfied with myself, honey. That counts too.”

Your hair is sticking to your sweaty face. You grimace when getting off the bed, your hips and back hurt a little from keeping your legs apart for such a long time.

You’re happy to discover that the canvas is much less slippery than the floor.

“So… how do we begin?” Mattia asks, looking at the containers with the paint.

You pick the grey paint. “Here’s yours. Feel free to smear it all over me.”

He takes the container, opens it, smells the paint. “Could’ve been worse.” He looks at you, then at the paint again.

“I can see you’re hesitant. Let me try then. There’s something I want to do.” You cover your palms with navy blue paint.

“Maybe we should sit down…”

“No, wait.” You glance at Mattia’s erection with a mischievous smile.

“Don’t touch my penis.”

“I’d never expect to hear that.”

“My penis is extremely sensitive. And we haven’t even done the allergy test.”

“Okay. You’re right.” You lift your hand and, using two fingers, you trace a line on Mattia’s left cheek and his right cheek.

“Is this some kind of a ritual?”

“You wanted a test, right?”

“My neck is more sensitive.”

“Your entire body is sensitive, Mattia,” you chuckle. “Mark my face too,” you suggest.

Mattia dips his finger in paint. You can clearly see that he doesn’t like the idea of having both palms dirty. There’s nothing to wipe them with. Whatever he touches later will get dirty too.

He traces two thin lines on each of your cheeks. “My warrior princess. Ready for battle.”

You press your blue palm to his neck. “If you feel an itch or something like that, let me know.”

Mattia nods before dipping all his fingers in the paint. You wait in silence, giving him as much time as he needs.

He reaches to your right breast and cups it gently, leaving grey traces on your skin. “Oh… well…” he clears his throat, quickly getting more paint.

You smile delicately, stepping closer to initiate a kiss. While kissing, you press your palm to his chest and you slowly move it down until you can feel his soft pubes.

“A happy trail,” you comment when looking at your work.

“A trail to my heart.”

“That’s not a heart.”

“Figuratively speaking.”

You’re not surprised that Mattia is enjoying putting paint all over your chest.

“Are you having an allergic reaction?” you ask.

“Why? Am I getting red? It’s probably because you start looking like a hot statue.”

“And that turns you on?”

“Damn, I have paint all over my hands…”

You burst out laughing. “That’s the point, you sweet idiot. Turn around.”

He turns to the window.

“Can you be a patient boy?”

“Obviously.”

You look at Mattia’s back. His shoulder blades are sticking out a little. You step closer, pressing your lips to the biggest beauty mark on his back. “I’m going to kiss all your birthmarks…”

“It tickles and you know how I feel about tickling.”

“I can distract you.” You reach around Mattia’s hips.

“Oh… great…” He inhales deeply when you gently wrap your hand around his erection. Stroking it with one hand, you keep pressing kisses to his pale back. It’s clean for now, you can tickle his skin with your tongue.

“It doesn’t look healthy…” he says.

“What?”

As he turns, your gaze drops to his blue hard-on. You chuckle while Mattia makes a funny face.

“I’d still suck it,” you say.

“But don’t.”

Grinning, you get more paint on your palms. “Could you turn around, sir? Your butt is so white it’s blinding me.”

“So is yours.”

“You can fix that when I’m done.”

He turns to the window again. You paint a huge heart on his buttocks.

“What did you do?”

“I painted a heart.”

“Oh, okay.”

You gently spank him, leaving a blue imprint of your palm.

“I am only allowing this because I’m looking forward to do the same to you,” he says, his voice low.

“I know… And I can’t wait either!”

You enjoy the perfect roundness of Mattia’s butt cheeks when covering them completely with paint. The idea of getting spanked (gently) by him is making your heart beat faster. No wonder you hurry when colouring Mattia’s back. You leave blue streaks on it, deciding that it will probably create a better effect on the canvas.

“A little bit more on your hips and belly,” you say, grasping his hand to make him turn back to you. “Does it feel cold?”

“Do I look cold to you? I mean… if you ignore the colour, ha-ha.”

“No… you look hot.” Your fingers trace thin lines all over Mattia’s hairy torso.

You grab his hips, stepping closer and looking him in the eyes. “Now your blue brush is painting on my belly,” you laugh.

He looks down. Your grey breasts are pressing to his chest. “This is fun.”

“Yes.”

He kisses you slowly, making you open your mouth wide. His tongue teases you for a longer while before he pulls back, leaving you slightly out of breath. “Get down on you hands and knees now. I’m always fidgety, and I’d hate to ruin the wall.”

“Okay.”

You position yourself with your face toward the door. You can imagine the sun shining at your back side. You can even feel the breeze between your legs.

Mattia is starting from your lower back. He slowly caresses it with the tips of his fingers. It’s pleasant, but also a little annoying because of your position. You want to enjoy the brushing, but the wet centre of your desire is exposed and hungry. Desperate for his attention. He doesn’t make you feel any better when he starts smearing paint all over your inner thighs. His hand is so close, but not close enough. Making you even more impatient.

“Are you sure the paint is safe?”

“Just touch me, please.”

Mattia ignores your plea, spanking you lightly.

“God… you’re making it worse…” you moan.

“I gave you so much attention on the bed, not that long ago and you’re still so unsatisfied…” Mattia says, his voice amused.

“I’m sorry, sir. You should spank me harder.”

“You think?”

His hand makes a splashing wet sound against your buttock.

“Oh, no…”

“Oh, yes!” you counter.

“The paint’s splattered everywhere,” Mattia explains his comment.

You look over your shoulder. “Is it on the wall?”

“Yes.”

“What a tragedy.”

He spanks you again, this time not as hard. “I think my painting requires some detailed work,” he says.

You try to look over your shoulder again. “What are you doing?”

He doesn’t respond, but soon enough you can feel feather-like tickling between your legs.

“Are you kidding me?”

“The brush is clean, no worries. It’s also nicely soft, isn’t it?”

You clench your eyelids. “Yeah… But I don’t like it.”

“Why?”

“Because… It’s a brush and… you have better tools.”

Mattia laughs shortly.

“And also my knees start to hurt.”

“All right, turn around.”

Blushing and happy, you sit on the canvas. “You look like a modern piece of art with those grey splatters.”

“Give me your hand.” He sits down next to you.

Mattia smears paint on your shoulder, spreading it to your elbow and further to your wrist.

“How are we going to do it?” you ask putting a thick layer of paint on your palm.

“You on top,” he says without hesitation.

“Yay!” You clap in excitement, splattering paint over yours and Mattia’s upper body. “Now I get why you wanted to move the bed. You’ll have a nice view in the mirror.”

“Why would I look up if I have a sex goddess right in front of me?”

“A goddess riding her Italian stallion.”

Mattia closes his eyes, smiling. “The mirror is just to see the full canvas,” he explains.

“You’re such a wise man. Now… put your head there, somewhere around that white spot. You won’t get your hair dirty.”

“Did you use all the paint?”

“No, let’s fuck first.”

The expression is so intense for him, he doesn’t even reply.

“Oh shit… We forgot to get the condoms from the nightstand.” You glance at the drawer. “And now my hands are dirty.”

“We’ll wipe the knob later, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.”

Making sure you touch as little surface as possible; you open the drawer. You snatch two condoms, just in case.

You try to rip the wrapper. “I can’t… My hands are slippery…”

“Let me.”

The wrapper is now coated with blue paint that you had on your hands.

Mattia groans, fumbling with it. His magical hands always find a way though.

You admire his long fingers. He manages to put the condom on without making it too dirty. “All yours,” he says, shifting his hips to the middle of the canvas.

As you position yourself astride Mattia’s lap, your knees slide on the canvas. “Oops… I will need you to hold onto my hips.”

“I always do.”

You lower your hips, feeling Mattia’s erection pushing inside your welcoming body. It’s an easy slide despite his size.

“Oh… it’s heaven,” you sigh, smiling blissfully.

Mattia smiles back. “Go to battle my warrior princess. Chase the glory. Fight for your bliss. Destroy… and turn me into ruin…”

You lean forward, propping your blue palms on Mattia’s shoulders. “Watch me,” you say, narrowing your eyes.

He always does.

* * *

Some time later, as you climax, you can see Mattia being pulled along into the bliss. He’s fighting it though. You know he is doing all he can to stay hard as long as possible.

You tell yourself to slow down but you can’t. Not now. Not when the fire of ecstasy is reaping your nerve endings into shreds.

Deeps penetration equals deep orgasm. It’s mind-blowing. Powerful like thunder.

“It’s okay,” you whisper. It’s a blessing. An excuse. A nudge over the edge.

He surrenders immediately clenching his hands on your hips so hard it hurts. He holds you down while simultaneously pushing his hips up. Fully immersed in the hot, perfectly fitting paradise of your body, he comes with a sharp gasp. He holds his breath for a couple of seconds before letting it out slowly… A soft moan of deep relief follows. Music to your ears.

You keep moving your hips. It feels great. Everything is wet and… dirty. The canvas slightly folded under your knees. You’re glad that you didn’t tear it.

And now you wait for him to recover. His heart is probably still racing.

Working your inner muscles, you keep your eyes on Mattia’s stunned face.

You really, really hope that his orgasm is a sum of all the orgasms that you experienced today. Otherwise it wouldn’t be fair.

“More sweat than paint…” he says, his voice hoarse.

“It’s a warm day, puppy.” You lean down to taste his lips. “We still have paint. Just to add the finishing strokes to our art.”

His hands slide to your thighs. “You’re gorgeous.”

You smile, kissing him again. “And you’re the best; a true master artist of love.”

He sighs, looking at the ceiling. “My plan was to… do it a couple of times…”

“We can continue,” you suggest.

“I think I want to… get clean now.”

“Okay. Let’s get up and take a look at what we’ve created.”

You have to help Mattia; he’s still weak and clumsy.

“Ouch…” he grimaces. “Something snapped in my back.”

“Is it bad?”

“No, it’s an age thing, ha-ha. I’ll be fine.” He glances at the condom. “I… better take care of this. You can finish the painting.”

“I think it’s already good,” you say.

“It’s not chaotic enough,” Mattia judges, reaching for the paint. “Get more on your palms and knees. Go to the other side and crawl on all fours. I’m here waiting to kiss you.”

You follow Mattia’s advice, feeling a bit silly. He’s enjoying the view though. You’re almost reaching his lips when he leans away and walks to the other side of the canvas.

“That’s not fair.”

“Catch me.”

“I’m not chasing you.” You sit down in the middle of the canvas. “Men your age shouldn’t be running on slippery surfaces.”

He opens his eyes wide, pretending to be shocked. “My age? I feel like tickling you…”

“Just try.”

If he wants chaotic, you’ll give him chaotic.

Once he lunges at you, trying to tickle you, you pay him back with the same. And soon enough he goes into defensive mode, but you hold onto his foot. “Where’s that brush? I will show you!”

He effortlessly blocks your wrist, making you aware that he was just goofing around and has much more strength than you.

“Miss Matthews, you’re a dirty, dirty woman. Time to get you clean,” he says, blocking your other wrist.

“Will you scrub me hard?”

“As hard as you want.”

* * *

“It’s not coming off, is it?” Mattia asks, staring at the scrub in your hand. His hands and arms are finally clean, and now you’re focused on his shoulders and neck.

“Its because I’m gentle. I don’t want to irritate your precious skin.”

“It’s just neck. How long do you think it’ll take to get the paint off my genitals?”

“As if you were actually in a hurry to get it off… Wash my back now.”

He starts cleaning your back and buttocks which has a surprisingly relaxing effect on him.

You smile to yourself hearing him sing a song in French. You don’t know it and he’s not precise with the lyrics, humming and pausing at times, but it makes you feel all fuzzy and happy inside.

“How is it going?”

“Great.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“I can’t see your inner thighs from this angle.”

“Just shove the scrub between my legs…”

“That’s not how I operate. Turn around.” He makes you turn toward the bathtub while he sits down on the ledge that you have inside your huge shower cabin. “Bend forward.”

“You like making me feel vulnerable, don’t you?”

“Is that how you feel? Because if you knew what’s happening to me right now…”

You bite your lip. You can guess.

You’re not sure if he’s focused on getting rid of the paint or trying to make you feel good. Possibly both.

“Looks a bit red, but hopefully it’s not an allergic reaction,” he says.

“It’s not.”

“You’re clean and fresh like Spring, my lady.”

“What about my face?”

“Let me take a look.” When you turn and he gets up, he looks into your eyes.

You hope your constant arousal is not pathetic.

Mattia smiles. “Just a smidgen here,” he brushes your cheek with his thumb.

You look for your scrub. “What first: front or back?”

“Back. Let’s leave the worst part for the end.”

* * *

The worst part takes the longest. Because it’s extremely sensitive.

* * *

Mattia doesn’t want to take a nap before everything is clean and back to normal, the position of the bed included.

He even had to take care of the little droplets of paint that landed on the wall when he spanked you.

By the time you finish the cleaning, you are both hungry. You have a light lunch, and you decide to take a nap.

But a girl has to pee sometimes, so you’re forced to leave your cuddly giraffe alone in bed for a little while.

You grab your phone on your way to the bathroom.

Jess tried to contact you. You forgot to turn the silent mode off, so she left you a message.

“I am so sorry for Seb. Mattia is such a skilled liar. I’d be careful if I were you.”

Sudden bitterness in your mouth makes you grimace. Jess often jokes and teases Mattia, but this is not a joke.

She doesn’t know the truth. You realize that you can’t even share the truth with her.

Without thinking, you open the Twitter app. Your feed is filled with links to articles about Sebastian’s career… Will he retire? What went wrong between Vettel and Ferrari? Etc.

You almost immediately come across critical comments directed at Mattia.

> Mattia Binotto is made of shit. I always knew that.
> 
> We believe in Ferrari f1 team, but we don’t believe in his principal manager Mattia Binotto it’s a disaster. So Ferrari f1 team has to take decisions #mattiabinotto leave Ferrari.
> 
> What a fucking disaster dude, Mattia Binotto is a FUCKING CLOWN, PLEASE
> 
> @ScuderiaFerrari FIRE HIM!!!!!
> 
> Idiot Mattia Binotto... Disgraceful

Your heart grows heavy. The negative comments directed at Mattia are only a small fraction of the hateful messages left for the team. You’re sure that those will hurt him more.

He won’t read them. You don’t need to worry. He’s not as stupid as you…

You leave your phone by the sink. _This is not real_, you tell yourself. _It's just other people's delusions..._

You wash your hands, and you leave the bedroom. The canvas with your passionate art is drying on the floor in the hall. Mattia is convinced that you can see his butt print clearly on the painting. So, the idea of hanging it in your future basement lounge is out of the question. It will look great in the bedroom though.

_This is real world_, you think. The wooden floor under your feet. The fluffy rug next to the closet. The soft large duvet on the bed that soaked up so much of your sweat today. Mattia’s calm breathing…

You promise yourself to focus on real things.

You manage to lie down next to him without waking him up.

_People who don’t care about you, don’t get to judge you. Especially those who never met you._

There’s a deep realization in you that your protective instinct toward Mattia has snapped out of control of reason. And fairness even… You’re not sure.

You blamed Seb for the contract fiasco… It didn’t even occur to you that he had no influence over the final decision. You’re still not convinced that it was not about money.

And Jess… Her words made you feel disappointed. She assumed the worst about Mattia without knowing the facts. You could tell her to trust you. You could hint that some things are not what they appear.

Mattia explained everything to you. It made sense. You’re completely satisfied with his explanation. But should you be? Isn’t it strange how fast you accepted his arguments?

You’re on his side. No matter what.

But what if he’s on the wrong side?

No, there is no ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ at his job. It’s only winners and losers.


End file.
